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Triplets, HELLP Syndrome, framily, and controlling the control-ables · Arrivals: A Birth Story Podcast

• Merelise Wilson: You've been listening to the Arrivals podcast. Tune in tomorrow for part two of my conversation with Mindy. start there. I think so. Cause Chris's reaction and like, okay. I feel like I want to start with you finding out. Yeah. I feel like I have to start there. That's what I meant. Yeah. All right. All right. Onward. Okay. Onward and upward. All right. ⁓ and welcome to the arrivals podcast. I'm your host, Merelise Wilson. ⁓ And today I am so, so, so excited to have my dear friend Mindy Zeh here telling us her birth story of her triplets. What a surreal thing to say. It still feels weird to hear it. How many years on now are we? They just turned eight last weekend. That's so crazy. And it's been amazing, but a blur. I still think of them as the little itty bitty preemie triplet babies. Zehbies Yeah, the Zehbies. always and forever. Well, thanks for having me. Yeah. I've really had to dig back in the memory for this one. I appreciate you doing the research. Unlike your fresh mamas recently. I know. appreciate you digging back into the archives to ⁓ talk about them today. Such a therapeutic experience. It really is. It's so funny. That's been ⁓ a lot of people's feedback is it's very therapeutic, ⁓ whether it's happened recently or happened a while ago. It's so nice to talk about. Well, life lesson learned though. Write your birth story down when you have the baby. Yes, or come on the podcast and I'll record it. Exactly. Where was this podcast eight years ago? I'm so proud of you though. This is such a perfect fit for you. I will never forget. You were so curious about every single detail of my story that many years ago. And so to see this come full circle is, and to be sitting here with you is just exciting. I'm of you. Happy for you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for being a part of it. Always. Okay. So yeah, so as we alluded to, you have triplets. Mic drop. Mic drop. know. Like that, we can just end the episode there. tell us about when you found out you were pregnant with triplets. Yeah. What, if you don't mind also just touching a little bit on like what your fertility- journey was, like getting pregnant and then finding out and all of that, all of it. Gosh, I feel like I should start with a little background on us. Oh, yes, duh. How did I just jump ahead? No, that's okay. Your husband and I were college friends. Yes. then roommates. Flash forward. Yes, roommates. And we worked together. That's when I met you the first time. Have we known each other 15 years? 14. 14. Look at your math. know. Let's see. So my husband, Travis, and I had been married four years when we decided we were ready to start our family. Yeah. And ⁓ Travis would have started the day after the wedding, if it was up to him. 1000%. Well, actually, or the day, the night of the wedding for that matter. I remember us having a very serious conversation about like, no joke, starting our family in Italy. Yeah. For my 30th birthday. Uh-huh. And I was like, okay, well, maybe not like on this trip, because I want to enjoy wine. So like, maybe when we get home. That's right. That was summer of 2017. Yeah. And we got home from that trip and we started not trying. Right. But not preventing. But not preventing entirely. Yeah. At some point. When we were talking about starting our family, I remember vividly hearing others' stories. Several of our friends or close family had been pregnant recently. And I remember mentally going into it with, okay, not everyone gets pregnant immediately. This might be a challenge. So we're not gonna try. We're not gonna get stressed. We're just gonna not not ⁓ So that's what we did. And didn't think much about it. I actually found out I was pregnant in one of the most shocking ways. I had a randomly scheduled, just an annual physical exam, not an OB-GYN appointment, a physical exam. I don't remember this. ⁓ this is the best part of the whole story? Well, maybe not the best, but ⁓ to say, my story started with a surprise. Yeah. I went to my primary care physician, had a physical exam. They're going through the order of questions. Do you smoke? Do you drink? Do you do drugs? ⁓ there a chance you're pregnant? I guess they do ask that directly. I don't remember that. ⁓ basically I was like, no, don't do drugs, don't smoke. I do drink occasionally. I've been cutting back. Like we're talking about starting our family. And I remember her saying, are you talking about it or have you actually started trying? ⁓ that's when I had to admit, okay, well, guess we've tried but I'm not tracking anything. We're just not forcing it." She was like, okay, no worries. That day, she actually did an EKG on me because I had ⁓ that I was having some heart palpitations when we had been in Italy in hindsight. ⁓ as a mother, I know that was anxiety. ⁓ didn't know that at the time or dehydration, who knows. ⁓ I remember feeling sort of nervous about that. I think it was my first ⁓ that I like to recall. So I leave that appointment, no further thoughts, go to work that day. That was a Monday. Flash forward, I believe it was that same week, Wednesday night, like seven, eight o'clock at night, sitting on the sofa with a glass of wine in my hand, course, ⁓ Richie Rich with my husband. ⁓ random. What a throwback. ⁓ Random ⁓ calls my phone, Florida number. ⁓ never forget, because I look at it, I'm like, who is this? And Travis says, don't answer. It's probably spam. ⁓ And I think it's a work-related call perhaps. So I answer, hello, this is Mindy. Hi, Mindy, this is so-and-so. Yeah, it was my PA. I had not actually seen my primary care doctor that day, because she was actually on maternity leave. It was my PA and I was sort of blanking on her name and I said, this is who? And then finally it clicks. She's like, hi, I'm getting ready to post some results to your MyChart. I wanted to talk to you before doing so. So are thinking like- My heart drops. I think it was because of the EKG or something. That's all I could think. Of course. And she proceeds to say, your, is it HCG? HCG, yes. Your HCG is positive. And I was like, what? I didn't know the term at the time or the Yeah, why would you have? And I'm sort of quiet and she says, congratulations, you're pregnant. I'm holding a glass of wine watching him and I'm saying, what? And Travis is like, who is it? Just hang up. He thinks it's spam. He's like, why are you still talking to them? Let's turn the movie back on. And I say, oh my gosh, can you say that again? I'm putting you on speakerphone. You're on speakerphone. She's, hi, Mr. Zeh This is so and so. Congratulations. You and your wife are pregnant. Oh my God. That is how I found out I was pregnant. This is coming back to me now. did the math because we know. Yeah. You know. Yes. We were, I was three weeks. Wow. I'm surprised nothing flagged then. Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't. Right. Who actually goes into it thinking multiples, right? No, but that's fair. Usually your HCG isn't normally high enough with a singleton to like test, get a positive pregnancy test. But yeah, I guess we haven't said this yet either. This was my first pregnancy period. No former children. Yeah. Learning everything for the very first time. ⁓ And to find out that were sort of accidentally, not accidentally, ⁓ surprisingly, very quickly, ⁓ needless say, surprisingly pregnant. the math was at three weeks and I found out by a phone call. ⁓ What? ⁓ Thank goodness Travis there. goodness. Yeah. I was in shock. I imagine. will say it was a little scary too because we knew how early it was. And that comes with the fear of, okay, will I still be pregnant? Do we celebrate? Do we celebrate? This is a little scary. It's very early. Right. At that point, I think she said on the phone that night, you know, you'll schedule your first ultrasound for about eight weeks. Right. Which five weeks you think that is. Five weeks from then feels like a year. year. It's crazy. So that's that. I mean, truly five weeks later, we slowly told some family within the next couple of weeks ⁓ just that we were pregnant. That's all we knew. The timing was rough, actually. I think there was a wedding. You and I were at a wedding together ⁓ I was pregnant. Really? Before in Kentucky. ⁓ Before I knew it was triplets. ⁓ my gosh. And I felt ⁓ sick and so tired. You were hiding it. But in hindsight, did go home early that night, which is not your not your MO. Well, I'll tell you what else helped, or maybe it hurt. It's both. Our team at work was doing the Whole30 Challenge. ⁓ yes. So that was helping hide it, but little did I realize how awful that was for growing a baby. Right. I needed a lot more food and calories and nutrients. you remember I actually called you out? No. Yes, we were at a work happy. So Mindy and I worked together at the same company that my husband and I worked together at where we met, but then we all went separate ways. And then Mindy and I ended up working together again. And so we were working together at this company and we were at a happy hour and I knew you were doing Whole30. The first and last time I ever did Whole30, I might have had. I straight up asked you, was like, are you doing Whole30 or are you pregnant? And you were like, Mayor, it's Whole30. You can't lay off or something. Sorry. No, mean, it was kind of rude of me to ask. That's okay. We don't know what we don't know when we're new to I should have assumed you would tell me when you were ready. Well, oh, did you find out? What a segue. Yes. I found out that I had to wait the five weeks. Yeah. That was... painstakingly awful. Time went very slow. Did you take any pregnancy tests at home? ⁓ yeah. Eventually I was like, okay, like what does it feel like to find out normally? I think I peed on the stick, you know, a handful of times. Yeah, I was nervous. I found out too early. Right. And you do want that experience of peeing on the stick and seeing the, you know, didn't even own pregnancy tests at the time. We had to go buy one. But yeah, that's actually one of the ways that we told our parents. So I did go take the pregnancy test and I think I took a picture of it, put it on a bottle of wine, like gave it to my parents as a wine label, a positive pregnancy wine label. That really checks out. It would be a brand. Yeah, exactly. is totally on brand for us. Yeah, so the timing of my, guess it was right around the eight-ish weeks, the first time I could get an ultrasound. It was the very end of August. the weekend right before or the Thursday right before Labor Day weekend. And we had big plans with our friends that weekend, as you know. So, you we're just trying to get through the week. I'm trying to check the box on this ultrasound. I think I was planning to go into work late. Only a few people knew that we were going to the doctor for this. was an early morning, like 9 a.m., maybe 9.30 appointment. And just remember walking in, Travis was obviously with me. This is 2017. Thank God. can't, I can't imagine anyone had to go through all of this alone. We were maybe the second appointment of the morning and I remember sitting there just waiting. You know, I had done some pregnancy tests here and there at home, but I remember feeling so unsure. Like, what if I get in there after all this time and We have a lot, you know, and I was already, maybe that's anxiety, maybe it's realistic thinking. Yeah, I think everyone has this feeling. sort of go through those? I Just like waves of questioning, right? I do, yeah. ⁓ remember squeezing Travis's hand extra hard and just being like, I just hope we hear a heartbeat. ⁓ a couple walked out. They looked like deer in headlights. I didn't know anything at the time. I'm just like, yeah, there's a lot going on. They call us back. Because it was so early, it had to be a vaginal ultrasound. You know, you're in these rooms as a first timer. It's just uncomfortable. You're already a little anxious. And I didn't know what to expect, what I was looking at, what I was even listening to for that matter. The sweetest nurse ⁓ starts the ultrasound. is quiet for a minute. I sort of hear like a gasp. And then there, you know, I'm looking between her and the screen and my husband. And she says, Well, how many babies do you see? think I hear the I think I hear plural first, I think I hear babies. And I'm looking at the screen. don't know. asked you. Like, I think it was like, out loud. Yeah, you know, I don't Again, this whole experience is a blur, but this is the part that I vividly remember. And she says, hold on, hold on, let me check heartbeats. So then I had heard plural babies, plural heartbeats. I'm looking at her, I'm looking at Travis, and she proceeds to say, ⁓ my goodness. She goes, I almost played a joke on you because the couple before you is having twins. I still don't have information yet, right? mean, all this happened really fast, obviously, but. She said the couple before he was having twins, but ⁓ my gosh, honey, you're having triplets. I just got chills. And then everything went black. I fade to black. No joke. That's how we found out. Like I heard, I processed slowly babies, heartbeats. I couldn't tell what I was seeing on the screen. Triplets. And then she said triplets. And I cannot tell you where my brain went. Yeah. Travis, I looked at him, he was as pale as the sterile white walls. I think I had some form of a laugh, cry, gasp, shock. mean, it just, a complete fog came over me. ⁓ a state of shock. ⁓ you have no... history of twins or multiples in your family? I'm glad you asked that. No. that was a series of the first few questions that we got. Right. think the first question from the nurse in that same moment was, have you been taking Clomid? Clomid? And similar to how I don't know how to pronounce it now, I said, what is that? Okay, I guess not. I think that's an It helps with related. Yes. And then she said, do you have twins in your family? And we're like, no, not that we know of. Yeah. And so she said, okay, well, I'm going to give you two a few minutes to process and talk and ⁓ we'll, you know, be right in. So we took, we took like one or two selfies in that picture. I don't even know. You can always see through my eyes that we're just like, ⁓ I'll share it with you sure. But next thing I know, this is where I think reality hit. know, the ultrasound's over and we're leaving from that office and we're getting taken through like a back hallway to my OBGYN's office. I've been in that office many a times and I've never known this was a door or pathway. And not to the room where you lay on the bed in the stirrups. We're in her desk chair, leather chairs. sitting there and I'm like, man, this feels serious. ⁓ I think that's where ⁓ ⁓ emotions set in, right? Like the shock is still there, but we're just going triplets. What? ⁓ Right. How? Not necessarily why, but like, you know, you're just like, how seriously the math wasn't mathing my brain yet. And you went from just thinking about getting pregnant to now you're having And I walked in that to that appointment even fearing loss. I don't know why, right? Again, I think it's very normal. And then to find out there are three heartbeats. So crazy. Already alive and well. That was wild. So we sat down with my OB-GYN and she's ⁓ wonderful. I adore her. But this day little did I realize, you know, there's protocol, right? Right. I don't think I knew what that was. I now understand how it has to be discussed. But what it felt like at the time was very, ⁓ cold is not the right word, just- Clinical? Structured clinical. you. Yes. Everything, the things that we heard in that moment was everything from, this is a high risk pregnancy. should you choose to reduce, you know, make that decision by blah, blah, blah. I mean, at that point, immediately Travis and I are both balling. We're like, what? Right. Hold on, what? That's an option. we barely just found out we're pregnant, much less with three children and we're talking about, that was just a whole, woo, in my brain. You know, other things like you're at a high likelihood of developing gestational diabetes. ⁓ you'll likely need to see a nutritionist. This will be a mandatory C-section. mean, this is within the first five minutes of processing. Talk about overwhelming. It was overwhelming to say the least. And we're learning new terminology immediately. Now there was some comforting conversation too. It wasn't all, it was definitely still shocking, but it was reassuring as well. Although Travis is bawling, he's worried about my body. Understandably so. I was told that I would immediately shift care over to an MFM, maternal fetal medicine specialist. And I am so thankful for that team. I was with Georgia, let me say it the right way, perinatology. Sounds right to me. ⁓ basically OBs who ⁓ in high risk pregnancies. ⁓ So, you know, that was very reassuring. And let me tell you, after now having been through the care from that team, I'm spoiled rotten. I got ultrasounds every two weeks. The things they were measuring and checking throughout my pregnancy was incredible. Yeah. walking out of that office that day. at eight weeks, having just learned of a triplet pregnancy. was beyond shocking. Did they say anything about, I know they talked about choosing to potentially reduce, but did they say anything about the risks or probabilities or odds of all three, carrying all three to term? If we talked about it, I do not specifically remember. I just remember Travis and I both feeling excitement and fear in parallel. just the knowledge of it being high risk meant that it's an uncontrolled dynamic. You know, the first screening had not even been run. Yeah. What chromosomes will align and what won't, who knows? Out of my, out of mine and my doctor's control. So yeah, there's probably some stats that would be interesting to know. I don't necessarily know them. Yeah. I know that triplet pregnancies occur in roughly one in six to 8,000 births in the US. That feels high. Well, obviously it varies by year and it's more common with fertility treatment. Of course. Yeah. Which, did I say this already? Ours was spontaneous. to our knowledge, nothing that runs in the family. Right. So spontaneous or non-assisted as they'll sometimes say triplets would be even more rare than that number. And they were all fraternal, correct? Fraternal, yes. Three separate sacs, three separate eggs. I can get medical on this one if you want me to. This is like the one term that I made sure I had to learn. always want to know that I don't know all of it. And then let me try and pronounce this the right way too. Fraternal. also known as trizygotic. Okay. ⁓ Meaning that it occurred because there were three separate eggs fertilized by three different sperm, which ultimately created, this is where it's just fascinating to me. Yeah. Three distinct pregnancies. That's so crazy. But all at once. I mean, they are as different or unique as if They were just siblings born at different Three different times, yeah. But all at once. Do you have three placentas? Great question. So just teeing you up. Yeah, you are. I will say fraternal or trizygotic triplets are, I think, one of the most common forms of triplets. Okay. As opposed to like twins and one fraternal. Or excuse me, like... ⁓ What's it called? Identical. Identical. Yes. Like an egg splitting and then having one extra separate egg. I believe that's more rare. Yeah. Yes. But all three of mine, this is a massive blessing. And as I said, there was a lot of scary news being shared with us. What was comforting is that each of my babies were in their own individual sacs and placentas. Wow. So medically, that's known as tri-tri triplets. I'm gonna try and pronounce this try. Try to pronounce this the right way as well. ⁓ Tripronic and triamnotic. Okay. Meaning that it was three amniotic sacs, three placentas. Which is huge for outlook ⁓ each baby more or less had its own like support system. Right. Its own protective sac, its own nutrient source. a lot of times where multiple pregnancies can be even more high risk is if baby's taking all the nutrients from the other. ⁓ theoretically, the that this tri tri triplet pregnancy was in my body was the Most ideal. Most ideal arrangement for multiples. That's so wild. ⁓ that's great That's what is ideal. My brain goes straight to that is so much placenta for your body to carry. And obviously we'll get into this. But yes, I mean, that's just, ⁓ my goodness. That's so much. Not only are you growing three humans, but like three placentas is a lot. That's a lot of extra organs. Think about just in a singleton pregnancy, how much more blood your body produces. It's crazy. That was a fascinating. thing to learn is just what your body starts naturally doing to support pregnancy period. Right. And then times three. That's so crazy. Like the amount of what was growing. I think you and I actually made this joke at one point. How many fingers and toes are in your body? yes. That's so wild. But truly back to what you're saying. The pregnancy itself, as I learned over time, I had such an ideal setup. And when I look back, and I admit, I had a very healthy pregnancy, all things considered. Right, it wasn't without its challenges, but. Correct, I wish I could have told myself that on day one. But you don't know. You never know what you don't know. But there were tolls it took for sure, like physically, emotionally. ⁓ think one of the, just to hit a couple of the highlights, right? The high-risk label right off the bat was scary. also came with its comfort of the constant monitoring. Extra attention. But that meant, as a multiple pregnancy, higher risk of anemia, potential for gestational diabetes, which I didn't develop, Praise the Lord. Hypertension. But the appointments all the time were great. But ⁓ it's great, but also at the same time, that's a lot of time out of your schedule dedicated to doing this and you you're working full time and you're doing that's a lot. there's a yeah there's a stress factor there you know at the time I was juggling working full time and trying to be at all the appointments and screenings and luckily we never had terrible news along the way but I would say that each appointment came with that stomach and knots feeling right like every time we went in it was like okay are things looking okay. How am I feeling? What does this mean? But again, I'm just so grateful for the care that we had. ⁓ see a nutritionist ⁓ off the bat changed the game for me because I was ⁓ as sick as some stories I've heard, but just very nauseous. ⁓ when this nutritionist found out that I had been doing Whole30, she looked at me and said, ⁓ anymore. Cut that shit out. ⁓ So you can, you kept doing it after you found out you're pregnant with triplets? 30? ⁓ good question. Did I? Surely not. No, I started eating cheese and all the things. good. Yeah, good. I might've had to pretend at work I don't remember, but no, I had to increase my calorie intake. Yeah. Like tenfold. I remember going to lunch with you at some point during your pregnancy ⁓ you were like, we went to go eat burgers and you were like, have to get a milkshake and fries too. And I was like, oh, what a bummer. But then I remember you were like halfway through it all and you were like, I can't eat anymore. There's like no room in my stomach. I had to be really smart about intake and the order of which I ate. Cause if I filled up with junk, was, you know, just garbage and not helping. So I will say I got very, very serious about that. And again, I'm just really thankful for the advice from the nutritionist. to help guide that because in so many ways in pregnancy, I think things feel out of control. ⁓ mean, this whole journey. Motherhood, pregnancy, motherhood, all of it. exactly. ⁓ But that felt like something I could be in control of. That's a really good outlook. And I think I had to carry that mindset and we can get to this, but I'll go ahead and touch on it now so you don't let me forget. I had to continue that mindset of, control the controllables into the very early days after the babies were born when I felt, you know, spoiler alert, NICU life was a part of our journey and I felt helpless. And I remember hormones were raging and I felt like I could not do anything. And I had to go back to that mindset of what can I control? What can I do to help? And at that point for me, it was pumping. So I feel like the nutrition side and the, you know, just having that mindset of so much of pregnancy is just, I mean, a miracle. I can't think of another word for it, really. ⁓ But what can you attempt to do to make it better? Yes, absolutely. For yourself, for your babies in whatever little ways you can. Yeah. Before we move too far ahead, I do want to quickly tell the story of you telling us that you were pregnant with triplets. Absolutely. It was the How did I skip over that? I don't know. We just really skipped ahead. It was the weekend after you found out, right? Because it was Labor Day. You found out that week, and then we all went to the lake for Labor Day. So yes, my appointment when I found out about triplets was Thursday, the last day of August. And that next day, we left for the lake. Oh, I should say, by the way, after the appointment, we probably paid $30 in parking garage fees that day. We left the OB's office, sat in our car for probably three hours. the only people who, like Travis's parents, my parents, one set of friends, maybe my sister, can't even really remember. Not too many people knew we were there, but we had not talked to anyone yet. And of course, everyone's heart sank. They were like, why haven't we heard from you? Oh no, are y'all okay? Are you okay? And we finally start responding. We're like, we don't know. And eventually, know, a FaceTime here, a phone call there. We sat in the parking garage, both of us called out of work. My sweet boss at the time, God bless her. don't think I, did I tell her the news? No, I think I told her I was sick. I don't remember. But we both called in sick that day. Yeah. And it's a mental health day. You need to take that. Oh my gosh. And we just went home and we just absorbed. and we tried to come to terms with our new reality. We felt every emotion under the sun. We laughed, we cried, we felt the fear, we tried to learn. We tried not to get too far ahead of ourselves, but do think we tried to. soak it in as best as we could that day. Because, yeah, to your point, next up was telling other people and the reactions, the initial reactions we got were incredible. We left Friday, the next day to go to the lake for Labor Day weekend ⁓ we knew we would be seeing about what 20 of our closest friends. And it is a crew who likes to have a good time. Should I say what we were doing? Yeah, absolutely. We were supposed to do our annual Beer Olympics. event that would have been extremely challenging for me to hide that I was pregnant. I had not even told this group I was pregnant. ⁓ my God. The only people who knew were our friends Nick and Alex and Nick was actually the one announcing That's the teams for Beer Olympics. And I think it went something like, you know, there's been some changes to the teams. One of our other friends actually shared that she was pregnant that day too. I both announced we were pregnant that day. my gosh. ⁓ But she said it first it was like, she won't be playing because she's pregnant. Yeah. And then Nick sort of looked at me and was like, same for Mindy. And then we said, it's triplets more or less. I don't know. I feel like we might've said something more creative. like, yes, I remember Nick saying Mindy's not going to be on anyone's team. And then Travis like paused I just got a sense. And I remember I said, my God, is it twins? You did guess that. And then I was like, shut up, Merelise this is not about you. You did say that out loud. remember now. my God, is it twins? And then I was like, reverse, reverse. And then Travis goes, ⁓ nope, ⁓ it's That room went both silent and screaming all at once. I think I blacked out. I can't imagine how you felt. I remember being embraced by you so quickly. Actually, before that, I remember Chris grabbing his head and going, ⁓ my gosh, they're going to be so broke. I think I have that on video. You're right, Chris, man. ⁓ Mr. Practical right there. ⁓ we all cried. Yes. ⁓ yeah, we all cried. ⁓ so supported in that moment. I'm so glad. I think that's been one of the most incredible things about, ⁓ don't even want to say my pregnancy, motherhood in general. ⁓ ⁓ hope and pray so many people feel this way. ⁓ village is a very real thing. ⁓ The good, bad, the ugly, all of it. And for us, there was a lot that happened, not even my pregnancy, but just in that phase of life during that time. And whoo, good friends. They mean everything. To support you and be part of Yeah, just part of the support system along the way. The Framily, as we like to call them. We do, the Framily. Yeah, it meant the world. So yeah, that was the initial announcement, did you ever get tired or annoyed with people's, like, obviously not that day, but as your pregnancy went on, were there ever moments where you were, did anyone put their foot in their mouth? Did you ever get annoyed answering it? it spontaneous or not? People poking their nose in your business. Like, I think there's just a lot of curiosity with that type of pregnancy. And I don't know, I'm just curious. Or was it always just exciting? There were a few comments I remember here and there that maybe rubbed me the wrong way. I think that was later in pregnancy though, when it was about my physical appearance or... I would like to say the answer is no. I'm a very curious person. Yeah. And I'm a very open person. think you are. If I need to filter myself on this, let me know if you start hearing too much. I didn't, don't recall ⁓ sharing or getting annoyed. ⁓ of it definitely got repetitive. And I think I just always said like, I'm an open book. Like, you know, occasionally, yeah, it felt like I was just, ⁓ yes, triplets. No, it doesn't run in my family. Yes, they're fraternal. Yeah. You know, I feel like I did at a point in life have that script. You had your little elevator pitch down. Yeah. Which I totally don't remember now. But I get it. I felt the same way about my own pregnancy. Frankly, some of the questions I was asked became questions I turned around and asked my doctor or wanted to learn myself. ⁓ I don't think it got annoying, but I could be wrong. No, that answer doesn't surprise me. If anyone out there ever asked me a question and I was annoyed, I'm sorry. No, that answer doesn't surprise me. That checks out with your personality. Yeah. Those first few weeks of sharing the news, we were also still processing it and it was ⁓ every all at once, all encompassing. Logistics. ⁓ Right. Help. Finances. Thanks, ⁓ for putting one in our head. Right. I mean, you immediately, people talk about having to get a bigger car ⁓ when they to have a third baby or decide to have a second baby. But you guys were like, we ⁓ need a that can fit three car seats right now. Yes, you know, I do feel I think about that sometimes we're actually still in the same house that we were already in for years before we started trying to plan for our family. But we did have to buy a new car. Uh huh. Yeah. And six car seats. And a whole lot of other things. but yeah, it was. It was definitely one of the original thoughts. You we're thinking survival rate, we're thinking my health, we're thinking baby's health, we're thinking how are we physically, logistically actually going two parent, three kids at once? What? It was ⁓ a wild time. I can imagine. To try and go back now, knowing what I know now, and just tell that ⁓ little girl ⁓ she would do it ⁓ that she would find that strength and figure all the things out. I wish I could. I have told so many people, whenever I say I have a friend who has triplets, I always follow it quickly with, if there was anyone who was meant to be triplet parents, it's you and Travis. You're so sweet to say that. It's true. And I say that so honestly and from the bottom of my heart, I've always felt that way. Like you guys just took it all in stride. You always have, you're such a good team. ⁓ And I knew you were scared, but you never, I don't know, I never got that sense. You were just like, we will figure it out. We will figure it out. And you have. And then when they got here, we were scared, we hid it. I know, I know. I hid it. I know. But you just have always taken it in stride and you guys make it look as easy as possible to look having triplets. Well, thank you. I will accept that. And just also add, It is such a one day at a time life. Yeah. Which is hard to do for someone who used to claim being type A. Yes. I no longer claim that. At a certain point when you have to accept that you cannot plan and control the things you would like to. ⁓ that's an eye opening ⁓ place to be. It's really hard. I am. Going back to that kind compliment, thank you for saying that if it was anyone, it should be us. I, of course, during this therapeutic process and prep for your wonderful podcast, went back through old files, folders that I have not opened in seven years, at least. And I found a journal that I did not. finish writing in after the babies were born. I'm proud of you for starting. But I started. That's good. I want to read this because I'm so glad I wrote it down. I would have never remembered. This was January of 2018. I was 27 weeks. I was told by my MFM doctor at my last appointment, you're a freak of nature. Your body was made for triplets. ⁓ You were born for this. That's amazing. And I just wrote, what a relief. That's so amazing how validating. That must have felt so important for you in that moment to hear that, that like your body is capable, you know, and that you're doing a great job. Like at that point of all the... know, feelings are not mutually exclusive, right? So excitement and anxiousness were just constants the entire pregnancy. But when you hear things like that from a doctor, it gave me so much hope. And at that point I was also, what did I say? 20, 27 weeks. know, getting far enough along where the statistics are better and the odds are better and the babies are more developed. What is the ⁓ goal, if you will? How many weeks do they want you to get with triplets? Great question. ⁓ probably one of the more common questions I get. ⁓ term for triplets is actually ⁓ weeks. ⁓ is what is ⁓ optimal. Similar to your 39 to 40 weeks for singleton, right? And that's due to the risk of both maternal and fetal complications any further past that 36 weeks. Yeah. So preeclampsia, I think can be a higher risk, placental dysfunction, all of those things increase after that 36 week point due to uterine stretching. Yeah. And I mean, of just run out of space. I mean, I remember you were talking non-medically. I'm like, how would I have made it any farther? I mean, we'll have to put a picture ⁓ too when the episode goes live. ⁓ was, you were a, it was amazing. I remember looking at, it's just amazing. You literally looked like you just had swallowed a, I don't even know what the right fruit is or like thing or like- Lumpy watermelon. ⁓ three lumpy watermelons. mean, but I remember you could literally see like elbows and feet like links. and you're sticking out of your belly. had aliens in my body. It was so wild. It was crazy. But you looked amazing. To the doctors, you carried it so well. My body, I'm so proud of my body. You should be. So ⁓ 36 weeks is full term. ⁓ At some point, I want to say around the 30 week mark, maybe at least even before that, we pre scheduled my c-section. I remember another guest you had on your saying that one of the benefits of a C-section is getting to sort of pick your date. Yeah. I don't know that I necessarily picked the date. Well, ultimately I didn't. When they scheduled the C-section, I think it was based on several factors for me. ⁓ And so that was at or would have been 35 weeks and one OK. Again, going back to, wow, that was really hopeful. They were looking at my body, the MFM, every two weeks. And to say, okay, you're going to, like, things are looking good. You're going to be able to carry this long. Woohoo! That's when I started feeling, I mean, physically horrible. But emotionally and mentally, that's when I was feeling so much more positive. I'm like, I'm doing it. We've done it. We've made it this far. But back to, you know, my C-section being scheduled for 35 weeks and one day, I knew going into all this, a high likelihood, you know, prematurity is prematurity and what a high likelihood that they would be born. early. mean, I think for either multiples or triplets, like there's like a 90 % chance that they're born between, I want to say before the 34 week mark. Yeah. You know, and so that the fact that they had felt the confidence to schedule me for 35 weeks and a day, felt great about. But I didn't make it. I did not make it that long. So very early ⁓ on ⁓ in ⁓ ultrasounds, ⁓ they label the babies ⁓ to monitor their individual progress throughout pregnancy. a confusing me. I don't exactly how they could tell them apart, but immediately ⁓ They were baby A, baby B and baby C based on position. I think it's lowest. I think it's based on true position. So I, we were, the entire pregnancy, we were referring to our babies as A, B and C. Yeah. Baby A was a girl. Baby B was a boy. Baby C was a girl. Yep. That's all we knew. We actually did a gender reveal. Yes, I remember we couldn't go, I was so mad. We had genders written down for us and delivered them to two friends. We hosted family and friends and they shot off. Fireworks in our cul-de-sac. ⁓ This was the era of gender reveals. This was before fireworks caught fire in California. This was when it was still safe and fun and celebratory and not harmful. Yeah, sorry, we were those people, but our neighbors loved it, ⁓ so epic. ⁓ was pretty epic because they did it in the order that we knew we were like, okay, this is going to be baby A. And it was like, pop, ⁓ It was pink. And then the next one we were like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, pop blue boy. Everybody's screaming. In that moment we knew we got mixed gender. and then baby C we were just like another girl. Oh, that was such a special day. And again, back to the village, we were so lucky to have so many friends and family. willing to celebrate with us. And that was really when it started feeling personal. Because for multiples pregnancy early on, what I'm feeling on the inside of my body, I don't know who it is. know, a singleton, you're like, ⁓ my baby. He or she is kicking. For me, I didn't know what the little movement or whatever was. I didn't know who it was. It's hard to get to know all three at once from the inside. And then eventually once we knew genders and as they were growing and I knew their positions and they were monitored by A, B, and C, I could sort of, I felt like I got to know their little personalities on the inside pretty well. You know, I'd be like, ⁓ that's like Zoe doing karate under my rib again, that's ⁓ stretching out really long in the center. Morgan, baby A was just right on my bladder for the entirety of the pregnancy. She was so low. ⁓ So many of those little things still match their personality. sounds wild to say, but it does. So we were talking about the duration of a triplet pregnancy and how my C-section was scheduled for 35 weeks and one day. I was never put on formal bed rest somehow. ⁓ I wonder in hindsight, well, I'm getting a little ahead of myself, but do wonder if slowing down would have helped me keep them cooking a little longer. Slowing down is not in your DNA. Imagine that would have been really hard for you to hear at the time. So we were working for the same company at the time. I worked until 30 weeks. Yeah, I remember you had your bouncy ball at the office and you'd sit in front of your desk and I'd waddle to and from. ⁓ the reason ⁓ I actually stopped coming into the office outside of the obvious. was massive, but it started feeling scary to drive. ⁓ could not fit places anymore with the length, is that the right word? Width of my body? The length of my belly? Yeah. It was hard to drive. Yeah, I can imagine. over the belly to the steering wheel and just felt unsafe. Yeah, you think about if you get in an accident and your belly's right there. Yeah. So around 30 weeks, I'm sort of maybe forgetting the exact time I started working from home. really did try and ⁓ start slowing down, at least in terms of going into the office, but also that's when some of the other things started picking up. You feel like you have this long pregnancy, but in reality, my pregnancy was not like your typical nine months. It was seven, right? But there's a lot of things you don't do early, right? And I think part of that was not wanting to get too far ahead of ourselves. Maybe it was a protection mechanism. But ultimately, ⁓ when ⁓ we started really nesting, ⁓ getting the nursery ready and doing the and I remember Travis assembling the cribs and assembling the dresser and all these things, I feel like we were like really close. We didn't know how close we were, but I was extremely uncomfortable and no help at all by then. So we waited too long. And you know, even showers and things like that, that friends wanted to host. I wish we had done a little earlier because of my level of discomfort and just exhaustion that had kicked in by then. And again, you don't really know any different. You don't know how you're gonna feel. And I think I had been warned that I was gonna grow really fast and that it would hit. But I also felt so lucky that I had felt as good as I did and carried as well as I did. had as healthy of a pregnancy as I did, but 30 to 31 weeks hit and that's when things really started changing. So it was Valentine's Day of 2018. And I don't know how to describe it except that I just felt off. I think my parents had been in town the prior weekend. And I was just so uncomfortable. This is 30, I was at 32 weeks and a day. at this point in time, my entire pregnancy, I had been seeing my MFM every other week. So every two weeks, this is where I got really spoiled. Every two weeks I was getting an ultrasound. You know, they were going through all the screenings. That's the joy of the high risk pregnancy, right? The more babies you carry, the more attention you get. Exactly. The more attention you get to manage the pregnancy. So, I woke up feeling off and that day or the following day would have been the off week of my every two weeks. Okay. And I think I called my MFM to see if I could get an appointment. She was actually traveling. And so I just, I need to give a shout out to just an angel on earth right now. We have a very good family friend who was a NICU nurse. From very first day I found out was triplets, ⁓ she ⁓ mentally, emotionally, ⁓ physically held my ⁓ me. You she, ⁓ is a full-time miracle worker and just helped me know that it would be okay. think, how do I articulate this? I think, you you never want obviously your babies to be in the NICU, but knowing the high likelihood given you were having triplets that they were going to be, ⁓ to have someone to normalize it. Yes. not set expectations in a non-scary way. just, I think a lot of times, maybe people don't want to think about it until they're forced to. Right. But for her to just be like, yeah, this is my everyday. And I see miracles happen every day. And your babies are going to be fine. But this is what you should do to prepare. And that's such a blessing. 1,000%. NICU becomes. an expectation, right, for multiples pregnancies and premature births, not the exception, right? And knowing what you're getting into. helps so much. So my MFM was out of town and I end up ⁓ texting or calling my friend Priscilla, the NICU nurse. And she's just listen, ⁓ never feel silly ⁓ making a doctor's appointment. In my brain, I like, I don't if I'm off. Like, do I really need to go to the doctor? I'll have an appointment next week. And ⁓ she was just very encouraging. ⁓ Like you're not silly. No doctor's going to be like better safe than sorry. No doctor is going to be mad that you came in just to check on yourself. It is a triplet pregnancy. And I was just trying to be tough. I was trying to tell myself I was fine and not be nervous. So I make an appointment that day. It was very different because again, my MFM had been doing everything in their their ⁓ medical equipment was very advanced and the scans that I had been getting were amazing. And so it was back to actually the same office that told me I was pregnant. So that was a fun little flashback. But they did another ⁓ and everything fine. I proceeded to go to my OB's office ⁓ and they all of the typical weight, blood pressure, and they almost, okay, so here's the kicker, if I remember correctly, they almost didn't take lab work that day. Like my blood pressure was elevated. But that's common. Right. So it wasn't like a big red flag, massive red flag. Yeah. But I do remember ⁓ my OB-GYN telling me, I'm so glad we took your work. ⁓ So ⁓ I'm gonna jump back to this. We leave that doctor's appointment, end up going out, ran into a friend, end up going out to lunch. Like, it's Valentine's Day. I have one of my favorite pictures of my whole entire pregnancy from that night sitting on my sofa with a bowl of pasta on my big old belly. I always think of. I I mean, I'll share that one too. It's hilarious. Little did I know that would be my last night. Being pregnant. Being pregnant, yeah. So the next morning, my husband had a very early meeting out of the house. And I was at the point in pregnancy where if I so much as sat up, or got out of bed without something in my belly, I would feel faint. Yeah. So we had been in this habit of he would leave a protein shake or Greek yogurt or something on the bedside table for me to just get something in my system before I'm moving. So, ⁓ Travis had had to leave really early that morning. I think it was probably about, ⁓ gosh, eight in the morning or so when I'm rolling over and starting, you I think I just opened my yogurt or something and my phone rings and it's my OBGYN's office. And I answer and it's my OB's voice. And you know when you hear your doctor's voice instead of like the office manager, knew something was up. And in that moment, the whole day first of all is a little bit of a blur. Yeah, it really is. It just became a very unexpected day. But The doctor started to share that she got my lab results back from the appointment yesterday and how she was so glad she had taken labs because, and this is where I didn't know any of the terminology at the time, but I had developed HELLP syndrome. ⁓ wow. Which for those of you who don't know, and I didn't either, honestly, I still don't know all of the details, but it's... It's a severe form of preeclampsia. I think is the easiest way to describe it. it's life-threatening for the mother. think more or less the pregnancy is safe. Yes, more or less. The mother is the more immediate concern in that situation. So it's an acronym, H-E-L-L-P, hemolysis, And that's the breaking down red blood cells that can cause jaundice and anemia. The E is elevated liver enzymes and the Lp is low platelets. And she was explaining this to me over the phone saying, I got your lab work. know, your liver enzymes are this, your platelets are that. And I don't remember the numbers top of mind. but it was like three times ⁓ higher and or lower than what that range, what the normal should have been. Like enough to very much make me fearful. so ⁓ more or less she says, we need to get you to the hospital as soon as possible. ⁓ I sort of start panicking and yet in my obliviousness at the same time, I ask, do I have time to shower? I feel like everyone asks that. That is such a common refrain. mean, what a silly goose. But Travis was not at home. So I call him in a panic. He's sitting in a meeting. leaves as fast as possible. I'm crying. I'm like, you need to come home. You have to drive me to the hospital. know what's happening. They have to monitor me immediately. And I don't know that I realized at that point, ⁓ over time or maybe later in that day when Priscilla and I were texting that typically like for HELLP syndrome, the cure is delivering the pregnancy. I don't know that that set in that morning. I think my doctor was really being Vague. She wasn't like, come in. You're a C-section today. ⁓ Not that direct. Yeah. She probably that. ⁓ Everyone else probably knew that. Right. I don't recall it being said me that clearly. ⁓ believe it was communicated. We're going get you to the hospital. ⁓ monitor you, take your lab work again, see if your numbers have changed since yesterday, and we'll go from there. I'm pretty sure everyone else knew the plan. I know for a fact they did because the NICU team was They were ready. So it's rush hour traffic. Travis is leaving a very early meeting to come back to the house. I'm packing a hospital bag and showering because I mean, I should have been more prepared. You know, I should have known better. But when I was so encouraged that, you know, we would make it to my 35 weeks in one day, scheduled C-section, this is three weeks early. This is 32 weeks in two days. while it's not extremely early in the grand scheme of things and very much right in that typical range of when, you know, the 32 to 34 week. that 90 % of triplets are born, I still, for whatever reason, was not fully prepared. So I'm pulling everything together that morning. Travis comes to pick me up. I think we are pulling into the hospital around like 10:30 or 11 to the point that my doctor calls me back and she's like, hey, are you coming? I'm like, oops, yes, we're parking right now. And I think pretty soon after that is when I started to get the vibe that this was a little more serious than I realized. They had a room waiting for me. All the teams were already prepared. And it was no more than 20 minutes that I'm in the room. All of the monitors hooked up. They're retesting, taking my blood where they're retesting anything and everything that they could. The urgency. became a parent. And then there was probably a little bit of downtime that we're sort of sitting and waiting. But then during that time here and there, know, a doctor would come introduce themselves. Another doctor would come introduce themselves. You know, they're all waiting for that. Go. Go, no go. I think everyone knew it was a go. Yeah. And then eventually it was told to us. It was probably closer to two o'clock at this point. ⁓ They got the lab results back and my numbers were even, I don't remember if it's higher or lower, but even further away from that, what the normal range should have been. And it was just communicated like, your labs don't look good, ⁓ You will be your babies at. I think they said like at four o'clock or something like that. And we go, we look at the clock and I'm like, okay, that's in like two hours. Wow. So that day flew by. So did they start you on a magnesium drip or anything? Yes. Okay. I do not remember when. Yeah. But magnesium messed me up. Yeah, that's what I've heard for days. I mean, I'm thankful for all modern medicine. Of course. I really am. I'm just so thankful for everything to do with my birth. If there's one thing I could change, it's just that it's a little bit more clear in my mind. Yeah. The medicines just made everything so foggy, which turns out when you don't write your birth story down, it's really hard to remember eight years later. But I have heard that magnesium is brutal. Yeah. Someone described it like a weighted blanket on your brain. That's exactly what it felt like. And I usually love weighted blankets. I know. I know this person does too, but not on your brain and not when you're meeting your babies. No. So we got the it's go time notice. You know, at that point we're sending out, please pray for us. We're telling our families like it's happening. Get to the hospital. you know, around 3:30 is like the final picture I have with Travis and I in the room. Yeah. And I genuinely, I mean, it was just, it was, it was a whirlwind. I don't know of another word to describe it, except that, you know, everyone else knows what's happening. There's a sequence of events, right? This is so brand new to us, right? And it's happening so fast. And, you know, I just, I woke up and didn't even get my protein shake. I forgot to tell you that, but the first thing my doctor says to me is, have you eaten anything yet today? said, I'm still sitting in bed about to eat my yogurt. She goes, don't. That should have been the sign. Surgery. She knew. So I go into the operating room probably around 3:30 and my labor and delivery nurse was the best thing in the world. At that point, Travis couldn't be with me to get the epidural or spinal block, guess. Yeah, I think when it's not an emergency C-section, they usually do the spinal. Right. I just remember having to curl over, make my back into sort of a C, hold her hand. I don't remember what was said, but I just remember feeling so comforted and scared at the same time. You're in this sterile room. Right. By yourself. By yourself. when everything has been happening so fast around you, it was quiet. I think it was just me, the nurse and the anesthesia team. Yeah. I could be wrong about that. And that was the quietest it would be for the rest of the afternoon. For the rest of your life. True, really. Because yeah, Travis wasn't there yet. She held my hand so tight. She hugged me. She encouraged me. And again, this is where everything is blurry because all I know is it's close to four o'clock. I know some of this from photos and looking back and talking with my husband, obviously. But then the room is just bustling with people. There's team. There's my OB team, surgeons. the baby nurses all over the place in various roles. And then each for the NICU teams, I believe each baby had, I think at least three nurses. Wow. A full team for each baby. Yeah. And some of the neonatologists were in there for either curiosity or support or right. Teaching, learning, teaching all the things. ⁓ think that room probably had 20. At least to 30. Yeah. People, bet. Not very intimate. Intimate was not a word I would use. I do wish that I had put more thought into a birth plan. Even though there was so much out of my control in hindsight, even just to have a playlist that- I gonna ask if you guys had music. I wish I had. Because you guys are such music people too. For sure. And it just didn't become the priority. Maybe it would have had we had more time. Again, my hospital bag wasn't even packed, so my playlist was not But it also, you know, it just became such a low priority. But I remember I just remember voices and beeps and ⁓ and then ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ ⁓ it was a it was a wild atmosphere. ⁓ ⁓ was ⁓ in there. ⁓ job. They knew what they were doing. chaotic calm maybe is what I would call it. Everyone else was calm but to me it felt chaotic. chaos. Yeah. word. you. Choreographed chaos. So Then the babies were here. I don't remember if... Did they call out like, this is baby A? ⁓ yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't remember if they said, okay, we're starting. something along the lines, know, because Travis was taking some pictures. We have a selfie. I remember them sort of saying like, okay, you're going to feel like pushing or tugging, but you shouldn't feel pain. And I was just like, okay. You know, maybe there were a couple of tests that they tested. And ⁓ yeah, sure enough, I felt some pushing, some tugging. And at 4 10 p.m., I think they said something along the line of, baby A's out. ⁓ A's a girl. Yeah. ⁓ that was Morgan. Yeah. ⁓ was the... They held her over the curtain to me. ⁓ I was so loopy at this point. She was the only one I got to see. Really? I think so. ⁓ You know, they were having some respiratory distress. I don't know how much I knew about that at the time, but in hindsight, I remember Morgan starting to cry. Yeah. And I look at Travis and go, she sounds like a cat. They do sound like little kittens, like meowing. So I was... I was a little with it for her. then shortly after Morgan was born, so they spaced out the three births. Morgan was born at 410, three minutes later, baby B, three minutes later, baby C. And somewhere between baby A and B, I started having a lot of the anesthesia side effects. ⁓ I remember getting really panicky. ⁓ I remember laying there, I think my arms were secured left to right, and I just remember convulsively shaking. ⁓ then of course I'm in my head about that. ⁓ sort of disconnect at that point from the whole C-section. The curtain is still up and Travis is still sort of taking some pictures, but ⁓ panicking and looking at ⁓ anesthesia team and saying, is this supposed to be happening? ⁓ I had not done my research to really know what to expect, my fault, but also I... I wish they would tell you. Just heads up you may. may have. just, felt weird. And I got so cold. think, you know, it felt like shivering maybe. So I sort of had a disconnected weird moment right around there. And then at the same time, so baby B is out at 4 13 p.m. And that was a shock because they say, baby B is a girl. Baby B was supposed to be a boy. The whole entire pregnancy, my son was baby B. He was in the middle. And true to her little personality, Zoe just popped right out. Just said she wanted me next. is correct. So that was a very interesting shift at birth that ⁓ we thought was sort of funny. ⁓ And then minutes later, 4 16 p.m., baby C is out. And they're letting them sort of rest outside of my body for a minute or two before the cord cutting. people like holding them or did they like, they pulled them out, let them literally rest, I think on me for whatever that period of time was. And then there's the cord cutting and then it was immediately to the NICU team. Immediately in there, you know, to get cleaned up and to be in their incubators or isolettes. They're getting weighed, you know, all of the protocol. But they, all three of them very quickly, you know, it wasn't... an emergency c-section in the sense that some people have. It was scheduled enough, ⁓ But with prematurity, you do expect the NICU and you do expect that they will be born with some struggles to breathe, to keep their temperature. ⁓ you know, learning to feed all these things over time, right? But the immediate challenges that all three of mine ⁓ face were respiratory distress, among other things. that was definitely the most immediate and obvious one that had them very quickly wheeled out of the room. So after they were born, I genuinely remember a lot. I know that my husband stayed with me. I know that I had hours ⁓ in recovery. One of the worst selfies of my life. I remember. I'll show you that one I know exactly what picture you're talking about. I was loopy. Ugh, the magnesium. Yeah. And pain meds and all of it. All of it, yeah. Yeah. So it was like between 7 to 8 PM that night that I was even remembering being awake. Right. I did not get to see my babies until like nine o'clock that night. That's just a weird feeling. In hindsight too. But I'm just thankful they're healthy. ⁓ It took me a while to really, for that fog to lift. I truly can't describe the parallel emotions of. gratitude that they were here, that they were being cared for medically, and also sadness for what the experience had to be. There was no immediate skin-to-skin, no immediate bonding. I ⁓ so foggy even when I got wheeled into ⁓ NICU that night. I was reminded of this recently ⁓ that I was rolled up to one of their beds and I was like, oh, you know, he's so cute. And they were like, that's your daughter. I was like, oh. You know, I didn't even know which baby was which. It was just a weird, strange feeling. I'm sticking my hand through a little teeny tiny hole just to put it on them after scrubbing for three minutes to be clean. You know, it's just a, it's an experience that even if you're prepared for it, it still just doesn't feel natural. Well, they were literally just part of your body. then now to, yes, to try and understand my new place in their life. ⁓ that's hard. So that was delivery