Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / Life on Mission | a conversation with Shontell Brewer

Transcript

Life on Mission | a conversation with Shontell Brewer · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

0:11
SPEAKER_05: Hi friends and welcome back to the Simply Wholehearted podcast.
0:15
SPEAKER_05: It means so much to have you choose to take our conversation along with you today.
0:19
SPEAKER_05: I'm Amy Wicks, your host, and here at Simply Wholehearted, we provide simple plans for life's most creative endeavors.
0:26
SPEAKER_05: The culture around us levels us to complacency, half awake to her purpose, and more often than not, it seems as if everyone around us celebrates mediocrity.
0:36
SPEAKER_05: But we believe there is more to your story.
0:39
SPEAKER_05: Awaken your heart with extraordinary tales of the ordinary, find encouragement as you discover your creative purpose, and be empowered to create your unique masterpiece in life, family, and community.
0:53
SPEAKER_05: This week's conversation is another perfect guest for hashtag no failFebruary.
0:59
SPEAKER_05: Chantel Boer is a taco-loving Syrian mama of five.
1:03
SPEAKER_05: I love her shoot straight and spot-on parenting wisdom, accompanied by her light-hearted sense of humor.
1:10
SPEAKER_05: We actually had several failed attempts to try to record our conversation.
1:14
SPEAKER_05: I mean it was starting to get a little crazy and I was almost ready to give up.
1:18
SPEAKER_05: But I know why it was so difficult to get this one done.
1:22
SPEAKER_05: She had a ton of wisdom and there was so much gold in our conversation.
1:27
SPEAKER_05: We cover all sorts of things.
1:29
SPEAKER_05: First, we talk about how her five-year-old daughter, well, who is now 21 and wants to be a missionary, talked her into taking her first mission trip.
1:38
SPEAKER_05: Uh, the process and the grief of their home church closing its doors.
1:42
SPEAKER_05: And then we kind of wrap things up with the truth of why she wrote a book and has only recently faced her biggest fears to pursue her God-given gift of music.
1:53
SPEAKER_05: And then how she auditioned for The Voice.
1:56
SPEAKER_05: So fun.
1:57
SPEAKER_05: Oh, and also, if you happen to really enjoy this conversation, you'll want to be on the lookout for a mini-series starting in April after our Lint series podcast.
2:07
SPEAKER_05: A few weeks leading up to Mother's Day, we are going to host several life-giving conversations about motherhood.
2:12
SPEAKER_05: Each one of them is so rich, and I can't wait to share it with you.
2:18
SPEAKER_01: We didn't.
2:20
SPEAKER_01: I know.
2:20
SPEAKER_01: I know.
2:22
SPEAKER_01: I did I did just send my daughter a text and said, stop yelling or go to your room.
2:26
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
2:27
SPEAKER_05: No, I was just doing the same thing.
2:28
SPEAKER_05: Actually, I was arguing with my kids about bedtime and that this is totally a reasonable hour, and I don't understand what the problem is.
2:39
SPEAKER_05: And no, we we do not need white out right this second.
2:44
SPEAKER_01: My dad used to say, write me a paper about it.
2:46
SPEAKER_01: I'll review it and get back to you.
2:48
SPEAKER_05: Oh, I like that.
2:49
SPEAKER_05: I think I'm gonna start using that.
2:50
SPEAKER_05: Did you ever do it?
2:51
SPEAKER_05: Did it work?
2:52
SPEAKER_05: Oh yeah.
2:52
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, we really did.
2:54
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
2:54
SPEAKER_05: So what kind of things did you write a paper on?
2:56
SPEAKER_05: I gotta know.
2:58
SPEAKER_01: So especially in high school, there was one time where I wanted to go to a party and he said, Okay, how come?
3:03
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, How come?
3:06
SPEAKER_01: Because I want to what people do.
3:09
SPEAKER_01: Or if we ever wanted money for anything that was outside of um what he thought was reasonable.
3:14
SPEAKER_01: So if we wanted to, we'd have to write it in in application form.
3:20
SPEAKER_05: Well, so uh you still like to write uh destroy your gift.
3:25
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, right.
3:26
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
3:26
SPEAKER_05: So it didn't traumatize you, huh?
3:28
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
3:29
SPEAKER_01: No, I I I think it's a great idea.
3:32
SPEAKER_01: And it made us um there was a lot of times with the party one, I got about um, I don't know, halfway through it, and I thought, you know what?
3:40
SPEAKER_01: I don't actually care about it this much.
3:42
SPEAKER_01: And that's awesome.
3:43
SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of bad things that could happen because we had to write about what could possibly go wrong or what are the negative effects.
3:49
SPEAKER_01: It really made you think as a kid, you know.
3:51
SPEAKER_05: Okay, where can we find this parenting advice line by line?
3:54
SPEAKER_05: Because I'm liking what I'm hearing.
3:55
SPEAKER_05: This is good.
3:56
SPEAKER_01: On my yeah, on my blog.
3:57
SPEAKER_01: Oh great.
3:59
SPEAKER_04: I'm gonna go hunt that down, or maybe you can email that to me because I need a yesterday.
4:05
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, how old are your kiddos?
4:08
SPEAKER_05: They are um 12, 11, 8.
4:13
SPEAKER_05: So how about yours?
4:14
SPEAKER_01: Um my daughter's about to be 21.
4:17
SPEAKER_01: Oh man, and yeah, and then I have a 17 and 16-year-old that in a couple weeks they turn 17 and 18.
4:25
SPEAKER_01: Okay, uh-huh.
4:26
SPEAKER_01: And then um, and they both graduate high school this year, and then I have yeah, and then I have a daughter who's in eighth grade and she is 14, and then I have a 12-year-old and he's in seventh grade.
4:38
SPEAKER_01: He's about to be 13.
4:40
SPEAKER_01: Uh he turns 13 in a few months.
4:42
SPEAKER_01: Oh man, yeah.
4:43
SPEAKER_05: So full so is your 21-year-old launch college and yes, yeah.
4:48
SPEAKER_01: So she did a year of college and then um began listening to us when we said you don't actually need a college degree for what you want to do.
4:56
SPEAKER_01: Don't spend time.
4:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, she has to be a missionary.
5:00
SPEAKER_01: So I'm all that isn't take a degree, sister, just go go do you.
5:05
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, that's awesome.
5:06
SPEAKER_05: Well, yeah, that's fascinating considering your book is missionary mom.
5:10
SPEAKER_05: So yeah, I mean, what did she pick up from you then that this is what she wants to do?
5:15
SPEAKER_01: No, it she when she was, I think she was about five or six years old.
5:21
SPEAKER_01: I about five, she uh she heard my brother make an announcement, he was a missions pastor at our church.
5:26
SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's awesome.
5:28
SPEAKER_01: And she heard him say that they were doing a mission trip to, we were in Vegas at the time, and so they were going to Arizona to the Hualapai Native American Reservation.
5:38
SPEAKER_01: Okay, yeah, and she was like, uh, Mama, I want to go on that.
5:42
SPEAKER_01: And I'm all no, five years old.
5:44
SPEAKER_01: Sorry.
5:45
SPEAKER_01: I was all Mama doesn't do that.
5:47
SPEAKER_01: That's actually what I told her.
5:48
SPEAKER_01: I was like, honey, mama doesn't do that.
5:50
SPEAKER_01: And I mean, it was so the worst response ever.
5:52
SPEAKER_01: And so I probably just challenged her.
5:55
SPEAKER_04: Uh-huh.
5:56
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
5:57
SPEAKER_04: Well, yeah, I'm gonna show you.
5:58
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, you know.
6:00
SPEAKER_01: So um, I really do that now.
6:02
SPEAKER_01: I mean, we just uh my other daughter and I just got back from Africa, and um I really do do that, even though I mean I I am I she probably she's others minded, she really is, but it's been a call that is just for call from God.
6:16
SPEAKER_01: It wasn't it was in spite of my best efforts to squelch it, right?
6:23
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, right.
6:24
SPEAKER_01: And because I just have always been such a local advocate, and I don't know, I just think it's different for different people.
6:30
SPEAKER_01: And God has just always, always I remember arguing with uh Amnesty International intern that came to my ninth grade class.
6:38
SPEAKER_01: Really?
6:39
SPEAKER_01: And I was just like, what about the people here?
6:42
SPEAKER_01: Do you know that people in Alabama, there's like 80% of the students?
6:46
SPEAKER_01: I mean, my statistics were just absolutely fake.
6:48
SPEAKER_01: I was like, you know that they can't read, and he's like, uh, you know, like thinking back now as an adult, he's probably this 18-year-old kid that my teacher has to be sure.
7:00
SPEAKER_01: And he's all like something great, and I'm all you're an idiot.
7:05
SPEAKER_01: Look around you, man.
7:06
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's that was me.
7:08
SPEAKER_05: That's always no kidding.
7:10
SPEAKER_05: So she just it's God given this kind of mantle calling on her life.
7:15
SPEAKER_05: That's beautiful.
7:16
SPEAKER_01: It is, and it's really funny because my other two kids now they've done um they're both sort of pre-med.
7:23
SPEAKER_01: My son is is pre-med um as far as he wants to be a fireman in here.
7:27
SPEAKER_01: That means that you are an EMT as well.
7:29
SPEAKER_01: Right, yeah.
7:30
SPEAKER_01: And so he wants to go to paramedic school and um all of that, but they've been doing um sports medicine for all of high school.
7:37
SPEAKER_01: It's a track that they can take.
7:39
SPEAKER_01: And oh, that's awesome.
7:40
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they've done a ton, they know how to do IVs and triage and a lot of things.
7:44
SPEAKER_01: And then my daughter wants to be a surgeon, so uh she's for real pre-med.
7:49
SPEAKER_01: Wow.
7:49
SPEAKER_01: And they both this year, they both said at two different it was actually in the same week, they're Irish twins, they're 12 months apart.
7:57
SPEAKER_01: Okay, yeah.
7:58
SPEAKER_01: So um, I don't so I was with my oldest daughter, I mean, I was with the my daughter in Africa, and my son was here, and he had his conjuges moment at uh the movie Finger of God, and felt like um the man he went forward for prayer, and the guy said a um something about whatever his mission was.
8:19
SPEAKER_01: And so he he felt like God was calling him to be a medical missionary overseas for at some point.
8:24
SPEAKER_01: And then my daughter, while we were there, she said, I don't know if I want to work in a big hospital.
8:28
SPEAKER_01: She's always wanted to work at a big city trauma center, you know, like a Chicago or even Vegas or something.
8:34
SPEAKER_01: Since she was six, that's been her dream.
8:37
SPEAKER_01: So for a decade, she's that's been all she's talked about.
8:40
SPEAKER_01: And now she's all maybe I'm just supposed to be a medical missionary, maybe I'm supposed to be a doctor overseas.
8:46
SPEAKER_01: They both the same week felt like God said that to them.
8:48
SPEAKER_01: So I'm like, no, that's just fine.
8:51
SPEAKER_01: They're all gonna move really far away from me.
8:54
SPEAKER_05: I know.
8:54
SPEAKER_05: I'm trying to prepare myself already.
8:56
SPEAKER_05: We're talking about we're gonna just get an RV and we'll just go camp at you know, each of the kids' houses and just planning for it, and they'll be shocked when they all stay within a 10-mile radius or something like that.
9:07
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's so funny.
9:08
SPEAKER_01: That's we've always said that.
9:10
SPEAKER_01: So we have our our our we're on stage two of our RV.
9:14
SPEAKER_01: Like we've already upgraded to do the next middle one, and then it's a fifth wheel.
9:18
SPEAKER_01: So we had a tent trailer now, then a fifth wheel, and then next is our car for real, like the legit, yeah, gonna live in it.
9:26
SPEAKER_04: That's awesome.
9:27
SPEAKER_04: Well, I'll be looking and taking tips and figuring out.
9:29
SPEAKER_04: Okay, how do they how did they do it?
9:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's awesome.
9:33
SPEAKER_01: But if they do that, they're totally foiling our plan if they go overseas.
9:36
SPEAKER_01: I can't drive my RV to after.
9:37
SPEAKER_05: No, that doesn't work.
9:38
SPEAKER_05: No, I mean it'll be like living like rough.
9:43
SPEAKER_05: It won't be luxurious.
9:45
SPEAKER_05: So have you done missions trips with the kids since they were young?
9:49
SPEAKER_05: What did that when did that start for you?
9:52
SPEAKER_01: Uh, you know, we've done some.
9:54
SPEAKER_01: Um, it's just really been a little here and there, just whenever they really felt like it.
10:00
SPEAKER_01: There's some that we've just sent them on.
10:02
SPEAKER_01: My uh my oldest Isabel is her name.
10:04
SPEAKER_01: So she came back to us about a year, maybe a year or two after Hualapai.
10:11
SPEAKER_01: And she said uh she heard about uh actually, I think my brother on purpose went to her and said, Tell your parents you want to go with us to Mexico.
10:19
SPEAKER_01: So we went to Mexico and we did a mission trip down there.
10:22
SPEAKER_01: And uh, I don't even remember what she did or how useful she was.
10:27
SPEAKER_01: But she went, you know.
10:28
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, she did, and uh, and then she's gone on to go on some on her own.
10:32
SPEAKER_01: She went to uh she was in Germany.
10:34
SPEAKER_01: She actually stayed in a refugee camp for a month, uh, just under a month with a group of Syrian refugees there.
10:41
SPEAKER_01: And it it just wasn't what she intended when she went.
10:44
SPEAKER_01: She went with uh, she was at a Bible college at the time, and um, they were going to Germany and gonna do whatever work Foursquare asked them to do.
10:53
SPEAKER_01: And when she got there, we are actually Syrian and she's um blonde, blue-eyed, okay, and Syrian.
11:02
SPEAKER_01: I don't even know how to do it.
11:04
SPEAKER_01: How does that work?
11:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, right.
11:06
SPEAKER_01: When you marry my husband, that's how that works.
11:08
SPEAKER_01: Okay, gotcha.
11:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and so um she got over there and she goes, I can't believe how much I actually do look like them.
11:15
SPEAKER_01: And I'm all, yeah, you really do, you really do, just her features, just the wrong colors.
11:20
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
11:22
SPEAKER_01: So she connected with them just on a level that you know, sometimes when you just sit in the pocket of what God has for you at that time, and you were just like, This, this is what I was made for, and so that's what she was there doing, and her heart since she's gotten back.
11:38
SPEAKER_01: All she's wanted to do is tell their stories.
11:41
SPEAKER_01: She's just dying to get back and tell their stories, and I love that.
11:45
SPEAKER_01: And she's an artist, so she wants to do art therapy.
11:47
SPEAKER_05: Okay, and um, so that's that's kind of what she's therapy will certainly be needed in that region of the world.
11:55
SPEAKER_05: Oh, yeah.
11:55
SPEAKER_05: So neat.
11:56
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, my my kids are asking.
11:58
SPEAKER_05: Um, we had always envisioned taking our kids on missions trips, and we actually haven't, we both my husband and I, we've taken the trips, and I I did, I don't know, maybe 10 missions trips before I was married, but we haven't gotten to successfully complete a missions trip as a married couple, but we still really want to take our kids.
12:18
SPEAKER_05: So our school, their school is actually offering a trip to Mexico, you know, work with the ministry to build a home.
12:25
SPEAKER_05: And my two oldest are like, oh, we really want to go.
12:29
SPEAKER_05: And so kind of at that, like, oh wow, I you know, haven't given it some thought.
12:33
SPEAKER_05: There hasn't been a real opportunity to consider, but I love the perspective that going outside of our country, outside of our normal, you know, even for us going from you know, suburbia to downtown and just seeing what the rest of the world, you know, looks like and experiences and just busting out of that bubble uh is so healthy and uh just really impactful.
12:58
SPEAKER_05: So anyway, it's it's kind of one of those things that I'm like, oh yeah, that would be awesome.
13:02
SPEAKER_05: And you know, logistically we've got to pray about it and figure it out and stuff.
13:06
SPEAKER_05: But I love that they're excited and they're interested.
13:09
SPEAKER_01: And yeah, that is cool that they came to you.
13:11
SPEAKER_01: And I kind of um, you know, I've not done any major other countries.
13:16
SPEAKER_01: Mexico's super close.
13:18
SPEAKER_01: I mean, we were down in Vegas, so Mexico was just, you know, it was hop, skip, and a jump.
13:22
SPEAKER_01: Right.
13:22
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it wasn't really a stretch for us.
13:23
SPEAKER_01: And we lived in San Diego for a while too, so it was like whatever, you know, it's just right there.
13:27
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
13:27
SPEAKER_01: But this one to Africa really um, you know, it helped me to it changed my perspective a lot on what I know about myself, and then to be able to walk along some alongside my daughter was pretty amazing.
13:40
SPEAKER_01: And to process that together and have those memories together.
13:44
SPEAKER_00: I bet.
13:44
SPEAKER_01: And I just I kind of think at the end of it, God's never mad when we do something like that.
13:48
SPEAKER_01: No, he's never, you know, I mean, there might be a a team that he has planned to go, and so he'll work it so that you know whoever isn't supposed to be there won't be there.
13:58
SPEAKER_01: But I think on the whole, he'd way rather use all those stories for his glory.
14:02
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, that's been good.
14:05
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, that is really good.
14:06
SPEAKER_05: Well, I think you'd you could speak to this.
14:08
SPEAKER_05: A friend and I were talking the other day um about guiding versus controlling as a parent and you know, motherhood specifically.
14:17
SPEAKER_05: How do you see this play out differently?
14:20
SPEAKER_05: And as you've grown in your motherhood and you have 21 years of experience, you probably could speak to some of this.
14:27
SPEAKER_01: That's funny because I actually use the word governing a lot, but it kind of is the same, it's that same idea that we you're only hands-on is for the years that you really need to be hands-on.
14:38
SPEAKER_01: And if you do that work in the beginning, you really do end up guiding them.
14:42
SPEAKER_01: You don't, I mean, I just yelled at my son tonight, he's almost a man in minutes.
14:47
SPEAKER_01: He's gonna be a man, and yeah, and you know, I mean, it and my husband's like, is he still allowed to do that?
14:53
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, he's kind of finished, babe.
14:55
SPEAKER_01: And yeah, he doesn't really, I mean, he he's respectful and he asks, and but I mean, it's really out of courtesy.
15:02
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I just yelled at him and said, uh, when's the last time you did the dishes?
15:05
SPEAKER_01: And you know, he's coming back at me with, Well, these are your dishes too.
15:09
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, Yeah, well, when I'm making dinner, I'm not like, Well, these are my peas, and those could be your peas, you know, like it's not it's not quite how it works.
15:18
SPEAKER_01: And so it was just a conversation, and and he's like, Yeah, you know, he just gets up and finally doesn't do.
15:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but you know, in the beginning, I think it it really is you have to be so intentional, and and um I I talk so much about that in my book, and it's just that idea of being insanely intentional with every minute that you have in the beginning, because then you can sit back, you are free to be a little bit more hands-off.
15:43
SPEAKER_01: You're not starting in when they're seven or 17, or you know, when they're in middle school and all of a sudden they freak out and become these fully other humans because you're not volunteering in their classroom anymore, or you know, they they've got this whole community out there that's showing them that there's other ways to do things that might not be great.
16:05
SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, I think I think that it's that the time that we do in the beginning that allows us to to do that guiding, you know.
16:14
SPEAKER_05: What what about the mom who you know reads the book or hears this thought and goes, oh shoot, am I too late?
16:21
SPEAKER_05: Like, where's the hope and where's the grace for that?
16:23
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
16:24
SPEAKER_01: I think you just like with anything, you know, if I was at the end of a college class or if I was whatever uh in any situation where I'm faced with a deadline that's sooner than what everybody else got, you you pour on in a concentrated way.
16:39
SPEAKER_01: And then I think you also you I mean, we always choose our battles, but these ones in this these moments you really choose your battles.
16:47
SPEAKER_01: You know, what's gonna make your kid in if they launch in six months, what is it that it, you know, there's times where we've done a real disservice to our kids.
16:56
SPEAKER_01: So what are the areas that we need to come in and say, you know what?
17:00
SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry I allowed you to be disrespectful.
17:02
SPEAKER_01: When I say things to you, that's actually not okay anymore.
17:05
SPEAKER_01: And it's never gonna be okay with your boss, you know.
17:08
SPEAKER_01: So like those kind of things, those real world skills that they're gonna need.
17:12
SPEAKER_01: And and sometimes at that point, they're even at a they learn it faster.
17:18
SPEAKER_01: And there's already so much at that age, you know, in when they're in their high school years.
17:22
SPEAKER_01: So if that is when when parents really begin being intentional, um, in their high school years, a lot of it by this point really is conversation.
17:32
SPEAKER_01: And so it won't be like not just like, yeah, yeah, just throwing it out.
17:36
SPEAKER_01: I'm talking my ear off or whatever.
17:39
SPEAKER_01: You know, it's you know, I I see my my kids will come around and they'll come in my room and and they'll lay down on my bed and not say anything.
17:45
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, hey, you know that right, you know, like when they were smaller, they'd come and they'd crawl on my lap, or they would, you know, they show you however they need to show you that they need you.
17:54
SPEAKER_01: And I it just isn't any different.
17:56
SPEAKER_01: It's really the same.
17:57
SPEAKER_01: And my middle schooler, she has her way of doing it where she throws out.
18:02
SPEAKER_01: I mean, she'll say the crazy my teacher said this crazy thing today, and it's crazy, you know.
18:08
SPEAKER_01: Like, okay, so you want to talk about this.
18:11
SPEAKER_01: She's she's about as subtle as a gun, so it's you know that's awesome.
18:16
SPEAKER_01: All right, okay, so you need someone to have a conversation with.
18:19
SPEAKER_01: Okay, we're doing this right now, right?
18:21
SPEAKER_03: Right.
18:21
SPEAKER_03: Okay, but yeah.
18:24
SPEAKER_01: So my son will just come and lay across my bed, not say anything, and uh, you know, and I'll put down my things and hey bud, how's your day?
18:32
SPEAKER_01: And you know, it's just each kid is a little different, but you know, I think the truth.
18:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but they all want it, you know.
18:38
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I'm still that way with my own mother, and we we're pretty close, but we've not been exceptionally close our entire lives, but she's my mom, and there are so many things where I'm like, um I I made her get on Marco Polo, you know that app oh yeah, totally.
18:52
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, uh-huh that you have to look at yourself.
18:54
SPEAKER_05: I'm not a fan.
18:55
SPEAKER_01: Everyone's always fixing their hair.
18:57
SPEAKER_01: That's so funny.
18:58
SPEAKER_05: The whole time I'm listening to someone's message, there's like Facebook Live because you're like looking at it and you're like, oh anyway.
19:04
SPEAKER_01: Anyway, but I made her get on it because I'm like, mom, there's sometimes I need to talk to you about stuff and you're not quite available, so I'll just leave it for you.
19:10
SPEAKER_01: Yes, you come back, yes, tell me that it's like we're spending time together.
19:14
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I've been using Voxer for that, and that has changed my relationship with my mom and sisters because you know they're far away too and not available because they work during the day or whatever, and that's been priceless because I can play it at like five in the morning, and then you know, they can play it after work, and um, yeah, it's we we never like I lead um mom's groups um at my church or a mom's group um that's made up of several small groups, but uh they're the big ache there for most of them, it's not fatherlessness, it's motherlessness, and we never outgrow our need for a mom, and yeah, we're all experiencing the ache, whether it's physical because of a distance or emotional absence, or you know, or like literal, you know, mom passed away way too young, and so there's there's that ache.
20:05
SPEAKER_05: And I think last semester we really dove into okay, let's acknowledge that ache, but what are we gonna do with it?
20:12
SPEAKER_05: We can either just sit and wallow and woe is me, or we can like use this for good to help us to be intentional and like turn and look at our own circumstances and how can we not do it differently for the sake of doing it differently, but do it really well and speak to our kids' hearts as they need.
20:30
SPEAKER_05: So yeah.
20:31
SPEAKER_01: That's funny though that when you say that it you actually answered that question.
20:35
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it it adds to that question that you just asked about what happens when we get, you know, when our kids are uh closer to launch or we haven't been parenting intentionally.
20:43
SPEAKER_01: Even if your kid's 25 and lives on their own, start now.
20:47
SPEAKER_01: You know, I mean, my my mom and I were not close.
20:50
SPEAKER_01: Uh we were far, actually, not we were the opposite of close for um, you know, it was kind of sandwiched.
20:56
SPEAKER_01: We were real close when I was young, and then my parents went through a divorce and it just took forever.
21:00
SPEAKER_01: It just took forever, and I was the youngest and caught in the middle of a lot of it.
21:03
SPEAKER_01: And so it was uh I had to, in order to, you know, kind of protect myself, I I sort of I went and I found other families at church and I was I made them surround me and and be that the normal for a little while.
21:17
SPEAKER_01: And then um after I was married, my mom and I really started having a much better relationship.
21:24
SPEAKER_01: And it, you know, some of it was intentional on each of our sides.
21:27
SPEAKER_01: I had to intentionally let her in and she had to intentionally pursue.
21:32
SPEAKER_01: And even though there were things we needed to work through, it was of course what I really, really wanted.
21:38
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
21:38
SPEAKER_01: You know, I really, really did want that that time with her, even though I still I was raised by voice, and I that was a lot of it was that she really wanted me.
21:48
SPEAKER_01: I'm the youngest, I have uh three older brothers, and all she wanted was a girl, and then she got me and I wear jeans and and play baseball.
21:55
SPEAKER_05: And she was like we're wearing the bows and dresses, darn it.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: Oh, and I was so I was you know it's it's I'm a product product of my environment.
22:05
SPEAKER_01: I'd get Barbies from everyone, everyone just thought that's what I wanted.
22:08
SPEAKER_01: And so we'd cut their hair and make them go to war with our G.I.
22:11
SPEAKER_01: Joe's and my poor mother.
22:13
SPEAKER_01: You know?
22:14
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, there was no hope.
22:16
SPEAKER_03: Oh man.
22:20
SPEAKER_05: Hey, I'm interrupting this great conversation to tell you something exciting that is beginning here at Simply Wholehearted.
22:29
SPEAKER_05: You know, if you've been a friend and hanging out here for a while, we love to talk about the Aneagram.
22:34
SPEAKER_05: So you might have lots of questions about the Enneagram.
22:37
SPEAKER_05: Of course, Chantelle and I had to talk about it.
22:40
SPEAKER_05: And we want you to know the best way to begin your Enneagram journey.
22:44
SPEAKER_05: And I have several ways for you to get started.
22:48
SPEAKER_05: First of all, you can download our Enneagram Quick Start Guide, gives you a rundown of my favorite resources and the step-by-step discovery process.
22:57
SPEAKER_05: Then I'd love to answer your Enneagram questions on the podcast or the socials.
23:01
SPEAKER_05: So you can submit your questions in under a minute on our Enneagram question form.
23:07
SPEAKER_05: Best of all, I am a certified Enneagram coach, and I have a few limited spaces this spring opening up with me, your wholehearted living coach.
23:17
SPEAKER_05: So, combining years of experience, life experience, in addition to my understanding and study of the Enneagram, together we can discover your type and the best path of growth for your spirit, mind, and body.
23:30
SPEAKER_05: So let's move past the messy middle, get free from the shame-based inning, and instead reboot your story by better understanding your season and uncover the fruit of your best life.
23:40
SPEAKER_05: Now, not everyone is right for this type of coaching, but if you want to find out if it would be a good fit for you, you can sign up to get a free 30-minute consultation and get your name on the wait list.
23:51
SPEAKER_05: The links are in the show notes, and you can find out more at simply wholehearted.com.
23:56
SPEAKER_05: Now back to our conversation with Chantel Brewer.
24:00
SPEAKER_05: For you as a mom, what was your favorite season?
24:04
SPEAKER_05: Was it the little, you know, the early years?
24:07
SPEAKER_05: Was it the, you know, this middle school, high school, them launching?
24:11
SPEAKER_05: What's been some of your favorite?
24:13
SPEAKER_01: I I really I love all of it.
24:16
SPEAKER_01: And part of that is because I'm an educator and I've taught every grade level.
24:21
SPEAKER_01: And so I think that my what I see is a little bit different than a lot of people for my kids coming into preschool and when they were small.
24:31
SPEAKER_01: When they were small was I loved it, but it was probably the hardest.
24:35
SPEAKER_01: So I'd say, um, you know, just because the kids their their needs are so immediate.
24:40
SPEAKER_05: The physical demand too is just greater.
24:43
SPEAKER_05: I mean, the emotional demand of the older years is exhausting, but I don't know, like somehow it's easier to recharge emotionally quicker than the physical.
24:54
SPEAKER_01: Well, and sometimes you can even recharge with your teenagers.
24:57
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
24:58
SPEAKER_01: You know, I mean we can go and do things share an activity.
25:00
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
25:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
25:02
SPEAKER_01: Whereas, you know, I've I've got my little baby, and I'm like, okay.
25:06
SPEAKER_02: What do I do?
25:07
SPEAKER_02: This is like they just need me to hold them all the time and they won't stop crying.
25:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
25:12
SPEAKER_01: And you know, it but it it's equally as loud, I feel, all the time.
25:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and it's I really I I think that there's so much great in each season.
25:25
SPEAKER_01: Um, but probably I I think I really do love the high school, um, the middle school, high school years, and which seems really nuts.
25:33
SPEAKER_01: I I didn't know I would be that mom because I was all don't ever get big.
25:38
SPEAKER_01: We homeschooled.
25:39
SPEAKER_01: You have so much control, you know, when they're when they're smaller.
25:42
SPEAKER_01: We don't we don't realize how much we do until, you know, now we're trying to plan a camping trip, and I'm we're checking with four different kids' work schedules or three different kids' work schedules, and then one uh, you know, her social and dance and you know, all that schedule.
25:59
SPEAKER_01: And and then my youngest son is like, whatever, where are we going?
26:02
SPEAKER_01: I don't even know.
26:03
SPEAKER_01: Does that mean I can't watch TV?
26:04
SPEAKER_01: You know, she's in that stage still.
26:06
SPEAKER_03: Yes, yes.
26:08
SPEAKER_01: You know, it's it takes a lot where before we could just say, Hey, we're going camping this week, have your bags packed by, you know, right, right, exactly.
26:16
SPEAKER_01: That was about all we had to uh yeah, so it was totally up to us, and then even things like looking for a church, you know, we're our church actually this Sunday is our last Sunday.
26:26
SPEAKER_01: Oh, and and so it's it's interesting, you know.
26:30
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's just I've never it's tough though.
26:32
SPEAKER_05: Man, it's so tough.
26:33
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and so I each of my kids is processing differently.
26:37
SPEAKER_01: Some of them are so excited, some of them don't even realize even understand that we're leaving church, right?
26:42
SPEAKER_05: They don't understand the impact that it actually is gonna have.
26:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and then I my one of my other kids is just outright angry, and so we're trying to process, you know, what what are you really angry about?
26:53
SPEAKER_01: And is it the change that you're nervous about, or you know, what what is it?
26:57
SPEAKER_01: And so she's um she's been really vocal.
27:00
SPEAKER_01: We've been able to have lots of good conversation and you know, getting her to process in her way, so each of us is processing where before when they were younger and we switched churches, it was just whatever, right?
27:10
SPEAKER_01: Oh, we got here now.
27:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
27:13
SPEAKER_05: Well, maybe that's even as you're talking, I'm thinking that controlling versus guiding.
27:19
SPEAKER_05: That answers it too, is that there the early years are way more controlled because I too used to homeschool and it's like we're letting that rope out.
27:29
SPEAKER_05: I know Dave Ramsey has this analogy, his daughter Rachel Cruz uses it a lot, but like you know, at the when they graduated high school, they get handed the rope, but they talk about how you know they let it go little by little as they got older and the decisions that they were making, that it was more guided decisions instead of just because we can't control everything, all the environments that they're walking into and and that sort of thing.
27:54
SPEAKER_01: So well, and you know, really there's been so many times where I think I think that it takes a mind shift as a parent that we don't need to.
28:04
SPEAKER_01: I mean, we have this tendency, a lot of personalities, it's not everyone, but a lot of personalities have this tendency to want to white knuckle and control all of these situations.
28:13
SPEAKER_01: But there's no way we can't, we can't control every variable.
28:17
SPEAKER_01: And if even if we were able to, even if we were able to whisk our kids away, give them this communal, you know, very sheltered uh space and you know, hide them behind this this wall, and we know both of the neighbors that we live by, and we only, you know what I mean?
28:34
SPEAKER_01: Like even if we it is well, but then what are they where's the learning?
28:44
SPEAKER_01: What are they taking?
28:45
SPEAKER_05: How are they gonna be equipped for life?
28:47
SPEAKER_01: Holy cow, yeah.
28:48
SPEAKER_01: I mean that uh I think that that would be talk about a shock to the system.
28:52
SPEAKER_01: It would be like those movies where people are whatever frozen forever and then they wake up.
28:58
SPEAKER_05: That's so true, right?
29:00
SPEAKER_01: They can't even put on pants, you know?
29:02
SPEAKER_05: Are they realizing they're living in an alternate universe, you know, the one they thought they were in?
29:06
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, it's so true.
29:07
SPEAKER_05: So out of curiosity, just talking about personality, uh, I'm an Aneagram coach, and so we talk about the Anneagram a lot.
29:13
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
29:13
SPEAKER_05: Do you know has the Anneagram hit the West Coast?
29:16
SPEAKER_05: Do you know what number you are?
29:17
SPEAKER_05: And yeah, I'm an eight.
29:19
SPEAKER_01: I'm an eight.
29:20
SPEAKER_05: I know.
29:21
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and it doesn't matter what I say.
29:23
SPEAKER_01: Uh I'll say like four words, and someone's like, Are you an eight?
29:27
SPEAKER_02: Well, yeah, I think I'm an eight.
29:29
SPEAKER_02: That's awesome.
29:30
SPEAKER_01: That's I took uh some free online one, so it wasn't very in-depth and it was fast.
29:36
SPEAKER_01: And um, but if you're not gonna be the boss of things, I'm gonna be the boss of things.
29:41
SPEAKER_01: That's fine.
29:41
SPEAKER_01: That sums it up.
29:42
SPEAKER_05: Yep.
29:44
SPEAKER_05: I feel like as a woman, if you test as an eight, then you can be pretty darn sure you're an eight.
29:50
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
29:50
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
29:50
SPEAKER_05: No matter if it's the free one or not.
29:52
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
29:52
SPEAKER_05: That's awesome.
29:53
SPEAKER_05: It's so great.
29:54
SPEAKER_05: I'm raising one of those now.
29:55
SPEAKER_05: And actually, that's the um, I've just found that I have a lot of eight friends, um, interestingly enough, that are female, which is rare.
30:02
SPEAKER_05: So, you know, like you're in the rare category.
30:05
SPEAKER_05: Not, you know, I was raised by boys, but so there you go.
30:13
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I'm just yeah, it's been a great tool that as I'm constantly, it's not something that I necessarily they're involved with a little bit, and I don't like go, that's such a nate, but it helps me, you know, just like knowing my personality and how I'm reacting and theirs and how they're reacting and all that sort of stuff.
30:30
SPEAKER_01: It's that's yeah, that's funny.
30:31
SPEAKER_01: I should read more up on it because I've had a lot of people ask me about it lately, and so I don't I don't really know.
30:37
SPEAKER_01: I just know that um I also there was that's funny that you say that about the um the gender because the I in the strengths finders, are you familiar with that one?
30:48
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so um my top five are predominantly male CEO type people.
30:56
SPEAKER_05: Interesting.
30:56
SPEAKER_01: Okay, and so my best friend is she is uh she's the at administrat uh administrative assistant for a man who that's his company that he runs.
31:05
SPEAKER_01: Okay, and so she does everything for him.
31:07
SPEAKER_01: And so I um she's walked me through the test and oh awesome what mine is.
31:13
SPEAKER_01: And um, I'm an activator, is my number one.
31:15
SPEAKER_01: Okay, and so it is um I can't I can't just sit here and watch this uh nonsensory happen really quickly.
31:23
SPEAKER_01: If you want it to be nonsensory, that's cool.
31:24
SPEAKER_01: I'll just I'll just sit here, but I don't think that's why we're here.
31:27
SPEAKER_01: So if y'all could just shh and I'll get this going.
31:31
SPEAKER_03: That's great.
31:32
SPEAKER_05: I love it.
31:32
SPEAKER_05: No, it's so good.
31:33
SPEAKER_05: So is that a little bit of what's birthed the book and your message and like what was the probably catalyst for you know some of this desire in you to get this message out?
31:44
SPEAKER_01: Honestly, it was you started this whole thing off by saying, where can I find this information in writing?
31:49
SPEAKER_01: I had so many people, they just, you know, I I had very creative parents and uh have very creative parents, and I just knew really, really early on that this parenting gig was a big deal.
32:06
SPEAKER_01: I knew that we had been handed five kids when my husband wanted one, I wanted 10.
32:12
SPEAKER_01: And uh compromise.
32:14
SPEAKER_01: Yes, and uh I just I wasn't gonna do it halfway.
32:21
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I I just I really just you know, whatever God had had planted way deep in me, I knew that I wanted my kids to be really well-rounded, I wanted them to be others-minded, yeah, and I wanted them to be um with I mean, obviously, we all want our kids to be successful, but that wasn't my focus.
32:44
SPEAKER_01: It was really more of I want them, I want them to be the ones that people come to, you know, when they're going through something.
32:51
SPEAKER_01: So there's gotta be stuff in their life that they look and see, okay, that's stable, that's safe, that's and that that just is.
32:57
SPEAKER_01: I mean, they their friends regularly, especially my oldest daughter, because she's so mission-minded, yeah, but they are just those kids and old hearted kids, may I say.
33:09
SPEAKER_05: I mean, that's really it, right?
33:10
SPEAKER_05: I know that's been my prayer for a long time.
33:12
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, you know, if if they really get this, love the Lord your God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength, if whole body people, whole, you know, wholly into, you know, the Lord has every single area as the central, then yeah, then maybe we've done something, yeah, done something, and that is really the best thing that could, you know, bring us a result.
33:34
SPEAKER_01: So I I started writing that's why I started my blog.
33:36
SPEAKER_01: So I started my blog because I had so many people asking me to write down just things, you know.
33:42
SPEAKER_01: Um, I came up with the idea of having they're kind of weird milestones, but I wanted milestones for my kids, and a lot of it stemmed from I wanted to say no about something when they were little, and I didn't really have a reason that was a good explanation.
33:57
SPEAKER_01: Uh, for instance, I didn't want my little kids to have gum.
34:00
SPEAKER_01: That sounded like a nightmare to me for a two-year-old to have gum and getting in my hair and in my couch, and and so they're not gonna understand that.
34:09
SPEAKER_01: They just want gum.
34:10
SPEAKER_01: And so I'm like, you know, when you're three, that's three is your bubblegum birthday.
34:14
SPEAKER_01: And I just said that one day, and someone's like, Oh my gosh, that's brilliant.
34:18
SPEAKER_01: You just say three is your bubblegum birthday.
34:20
SPEAKER_01: I can't give you a piece of gum, you're only one, you know.
34:25
SPEAKER_01: So I mean, it just it's all I mean, I just made it up.
34:27
SPEAKER_01: It was totally nonsense.
34:28
SPEAKER_01: Just pulled it out there, yeah.
34:30
SPEAKER_01: Right.
34:30
SPEAKER_01: And and uh, and then I didn't want my kids to have glass dishes.
34:35
SPEAKER_01: To me, I didn't want them breaking my things.
34:38
SPEAKER_01: They already, you know, ruin my couches and pee on my clothes and do all these things.
34:44
SPEAKER_01: Right.
34:45
SPEAKER_01: And I just I didn't want my dishes broken, and so they got plastic until they were 10.
34:50
SPEAKER_01: That's the age we decided, and uh they got plastic until they were 10.
34:55
SPEAKER_01: And so on their birthday, they got it.
34:57
SPEAKER_01: It was, I mean, to use a glass plate or a ceramic plate on your birthday was just you know, take a picture of my plate, and you know, you should see how much bubblegum they get for their third birthday.
35:09
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it was all of my family was all this is brilliant, this is the most cheapest present I've ever most purple birthday ever.
35:17
SPEAKER_01: I love this idea.
35:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, so it was just it was a lot of silly things like that.
35:22
SPEAKER_01: But um, so I just started writing them down in my blog, and and then even some parenting things that um either had been modeled to me or um, and there's there's a story actually in the book about just some there's a few times where I talk about how my dad especially parented, but really, I mean, we used to have to write articles on something.
35:44
SPEAKER_01: No kid is gonna sit down and write you a legal legal ease document on this presentation on why I want to go to a party, unless you really, really want to go to that party, unless you really have thought about it and feel like it is worth this kind of time.
36:01
SPEAKER_05: Maybe the party is actually not too bad if you can honestly write about it.
36:05
SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
36:06
SPEAKER_01: And it really, you know, but there were so many times where it really got us thinking and it allowed us to see things from a parent's perspective when we're talking about what could possibly go wrong.
36:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
36:16
SPEAKER_01: Well, I guess actually a lot could possibly go wrong.
36:19
SPEAKER_01: And so I need to be really mindful.
36:21
SPEAKER_01: And and uh I think I've probably been to like two parties in my whole life and I was there for as a designator driver for like 20 minutes, and that's that's after writing that paper, yeah.
36:32
SPEAKER_01: After writing that paper, I'm like, I don't actually care about any of this.
36:35
SPEAKER_01: I'd probably rather do something else, anything else.
36:39
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, yeah, I love it.
36:40
SPEAKER_05: Well, I I can tell I mean there's a wealth of knowledge and information, not only in your book, but in you as well.
36:47
SPEAKER_05: So through the years, I know a lot of moms, you know, the conversation out there is about like self-care and soul care.
36:54
SPEAKER_05: And I know that that we can take this to the extreme where sometimes we inadvertently are actually doing things that are numbing ourselves.
37:02
SPEAKER_05: And so I like to talk about it and really delve in and get other moms, other women to think about what is what is actually going to refuel me, what's gonna fill up my picture so I can pour out.
37:13
SPEAKER_05: And so through the years for you, what were kind of your secrets to creating the more soul care, or what were the things for you that you're like, yeah, that actually ministered to me so I could be a better mama and wife and you know take care of all the other people?
37:28
SPEAKER_01: Uh part of for me, a lot of it was music.
37:30
SPEAKER_01: Um I'm a musician, my uh I come from a musician family.
37:33
SPEAKER_01: I was raised.
37:34
SPEAKER_01: What do you play?
37:35
SPEAKER_01: I my voice.
37:36
SPEAKER_01: Oh, okay.
37:37
SPEAKER_01: I'm a singer, and then I'm I'm learning piano.
37:40
SPEAKER_05: Oh, awesome.
37:41
SPEAKER_05: Look at you.
37:42
SPEAKER_05: That's so great.
37:43
SPEAKER_01: I'm trying.
37:43
SPEAKER_01: I've I've gone back and forth between between piano and acoustic guitar.
37:48
SPEAKER_01: And um the piano for me is uh I I like it way better.
37:52
SPEAKER_01: I like the guitar because it's portable.
37:54
SPEAKER_01: Portable, yeah.
37:55
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I just I always come back to the piano.
37:57
SPEAKER_01: I've did you make your kids take lessons because you wish you had, or they actually ask, they're all very musical, but they're the annoying kids that they'll listen to a song and sit down and be like, hang on, I think I can get this, and then they get it.
38:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that skipped me.
38:14
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
38:15
SPEAKER_01: Same here.
38:16
SPEAKER_01: So my brothers, my my brothers are that way, and so yeah, so music uh for sure.
38:22
SPEAKER_01: And I love that because first of all, I was able to pass on that love of music to my kids, and it's such a part of us.
38:29
SPEAKER_01: I think at some point all of them, um, my oldest three have been on the worship team in some capacity.
38:36
SPEAKER_01: And I started on the worship team when I was 12, but it isn't just that it's music, it's that music is a gift that God has given me.
38:44
SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm not braggy, but I'm talented in music.
38:48
SPEAKER_01: And so when you're using the gifts that God's given you, whatever they are, if it's a create, if it's creativity, if you're great with numbers, if you're if you know, if whatever that thing is, if you know what that is, if you find that skill and talent, yeah, then you're able to um it just it's it feels different when you're doing that thing.
39:06
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I can do a lot of things.
39:07
SPEAKER_01: I love baseball, I love going and watching.
39:09
SPEAKER_01: I'm a season ticket holder to our minor league team that's here, and that's that's my yeah, it's my Christmas present every year for my husband.
39:17
SPEAKER_01: And uh, you know, it's just that's all I want to do for my whole summer, and it fills me up in a way because it gives it's mellow and and I like that, and I can go with my kids if they want to go and uh or I can go by myself, and I'm like the little old man with the headphones in and I'm listening to the guy, and yeah, that's awesome.
39:34
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's like me and like these 70-year-old dudes all around me and my I love it.
39:41
SPEAKER_03: If it works, it makes sense.
39:42
SPEAKER_01: I know, I love it.
39:44
SPEAKER_01: But when I, you know, my if I'm singing, if I'm worshiping, if I'm recording a song or something, it's it's even more because it's directly a gift from God.
39:54
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's a gift that I can go and enjoy baseball, but I mean, uh, there's a lot of things I could do that could fall under that category.
40:00
SPEAKER_01: But when you're using the gifts I think that God has given you, it just changes.
40:04
SPEAKER_01: You know, he's able to, it's um it's for his glory, you know.
40:08
SPEAKER_01: It's so it's a glorified time.
40:11
SPEAKER_01: It it's so it's even even though we're pursuing that rest, it's a form of worship because we're you know, we're using that gift that he that's that's just directly from him.
40:22
SPEAKER_05: That expression of you know creating with him, it just is a whole nother dimension of of you know putting your hands to something and then we're doing it with him, and it's an expression of what he's already put in there.
40:35
SPEAKER_05: It's amazing how that feels.
40:37
SPEAKER_05: It just you know makes you feel alive alive and gives you new energy in a totally different way that compared to a lot of other things that we can do.
40:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I think that you know, so my um my sister-in-law is she said, but you know, can you sing this Sunday?
40:54
SPEAKER_01: And it's our last Sunday, and I, you know, so all of us, all my kids were all helping in some some way this weekend, but um yeah, right, probably.
41:04
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
41:04
SPEAKER_01: And she um she's like, I know it's one more thing, but um, but it isn't one more thing because it because it is it is filling.
41:12
SPEAKER_01: There are some things that would feel like one more thing.
41:15
SPEAKER_05: One more thing.
41:16
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but it's never singing is never one more thing.
41:21
SPEAKER_05: Why a book for you, especially if music tends to be your thing?
41:25
SPEAKER_05: I mean, you talk to a lot of writers, I know I do, and it seems most of them it comes back to well, I just had to get, you know, you obviously do a blog, but I just had to get this, you know, book out.
41:35
SPEAKER_05: I had this book in me.
41:36
SPEAKER_05: Did you always know you had this book?
41:39
SPEAKER_05: Was it always a desire, or did it just inadvertently get birthed out of sharing all these different ideas?
41:44
SPEAKER_01: Um, I think it was a little organic.
41:46
SPEAKER_01: Uh, you know, it sort of did come through my blog.
41:50
SPEAKER_01: I'm not sure.
41:52
SPEAKER_01: Honestly, I don't remember.
41:53
SPEAKER_01: I know that God gave me the title.
41:55
SPEAKER_01: I started writing it when I was pregnant with my son, and he's 12 now.
41:58
SPEAKER_05: So yeah, I mean if even if it's 12 years, just get it down.
42:04
SPEAKER_01: Right.
42:05
SPEAKER_01: And I didn't really honestly that that's such a um a big and loaded question because uh I think that my the reason you said why not music, and it's so I have spoken a lot lately on some different platforms about uh I was really uh functioning underneath of a spirit of fear.
42:27
SPEAKER_01: And when I was somewhere along the line, I think in middle school, I grew up singing.
42:32
SPEAKER_01: I've been on stage, I've um been in front, I mean, I've been on television, I mean I was in um uh jingles, I mean, I sang backup for a whole lot of people who ever came through our recording studio, I would just sing.
42:44
SPEAKER_01: I I don't even know who most of them are, I would just sing because they needed a singer.
42:48
SPEAKER_01: And it never occurred.
42:50
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and it was just and I I I I could and I loved it.
42:54
SPEAKER_01: And um somewhere along middle school, um, there was a there, I think I I couldn't even nail it down to one situation, but it began to occur to me that that's nervous, that can make you nervous when you go out there.
43:11
SPEAKER_01: And then I began speaking out over myself.
43:13
SPEAKER_01: And what happened, there was one, even one time, which I should have banked on this instead of everything else, I kept in my mind.
43:19
SPEAKER_01: I sang, there was like 900 people at our um kids' camp.
43:24
SPEAKER_01: I'm at high school camp or, you know, youth camp uh in eighth grade, I think actually.
43:28
SPEAKER_01: And I got up and I sang uh in the talent show.
43:31
SPEAKER_01: And in the middle of it, I completely forgot the words.
43:34
SPEAKER_01: But in the middle of it, I completely rewrote the song.
43:38
SPEAKER_01: And when I got down, my friend and my best friend said, Is that were that the lyrics of the song?
43:43
SPEAKER_01: And I said, No, I totally forgot them.
43:45
SPEAKER_01: And she goes, Oh my gosh, you would if you don't know that song, you would never have known.
43:49
SPEAKER_01: And I should have stuck with that, you know, remembering the Bible says it all the time, remember what I've done for you.
43:54
SPEAKER_01: I should have stuck with that.
43:55
SPEAKER_01: But instead, all I kept thinking was, I forgot the words, I forgot the words.
43:59
SPEAKER_01: And so I actually started speaking this crazy lie over myself that God didn't want me to be a musician.
44:06
SPEAKER_01: And so He's never allowed me to memorize lyrics.
44:09
SPEAKER_01: And I really have always had a hard time with it.
44:12
SPEAKER_01: But I got so deep, and that lie got so rooted deeply in me that now, so that was eighth grade, and now I'm 42.
44:21
SPEAKER_01: And it has been just this last year, in two, you know, in 2018, is when I finally someone actually spoke.
44:29
SPEAKER_01: It was this crazy story of this woman who was uh a woman I knew back in Las Vegas 20 years ago.
44:36
SPEAKER_01: She had a vision about the whole thing and said, You need to come out from underneath of that.
44:40
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Oh my gosh, I didn't even know I'm not kidding.
44:44
SPEAKER_01: And it was and it how God orchestrated it and him needing me to he so wanted me to have this message that he brought it from so many angles.
44:56
SPEAKER_01: And so finally I just was I was so broken and you know, repentant, and so it probably could have been music, but I allowed this, and I just didn't even I didn't even realize it was happening.
45:08
SPEAKER_05: No, we don't.
45:09
SPEAKER_05: And that's the that's the most frustrating thing is that we get so blinded because Satan's on this mission.
45:16
SPEAKER_05: I think that's the thing, is that with motherhood, with our gifts, our talents, our creative expression, like I mean, I don't want to give him more or glorify Satan, our enemy, more power, but this is what happens over and over again.
45:29
SPEAKER_05: He he squelches us, he quiets us with these fears, with these intimidations, with these lies, and we we shut up instead of speak out like we should.
45:38
SPEAKER_01: Well, it's funny because I I totally understand what you're saying about giving him more power or you know, more whatever.
45:45
SPEAKER_01: Right.
45:46
SPEAKER_01: But um he he really doesn't do anything that I mean he's very toddler-like in his behavior because he really is distracted, very not creative.
45:57
SPEAKER_05: He does the same thing over and over again.
45:58
SPEAKER_01: I mean, he just figured it out.
46:00
SPEAKER_01: I know, and it just you know it it it frustrates me and uh because I fall for it regularly.
46:07
SPEAKER_01: And so I think that honestly, if I if I had been, I've been a Christian since I was very little, very young.
46:15
SPEAKER_01: I knew I looked that woman in the face, she said, Do you want Jesus in your heart?
46:19
SPEAKER_01: I said, Yes, I was seven years old.
46:20
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I knew what I was getting into, and and it was all very real to me.
46:24
SPEAKER_01: And so I had, I mean, I should have just kept moving forward and moving forward, and but I, you know, I didn't, and I was seven.
46:31
SPEAKER_01: So my path was a lot of grace and whatever, but but you know, it's I knew better.
46:38
SPEAKER_01: I've studied scripture, I've memorized scripture, I've been a witness.
46:41
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I used to go down to the Las Vegas Strip and witness to people.
46:45
SPEAKER_01: I learned everything I could about um any of the religions that were around me so that I could specifically as a middle schooler and a high schooler, I mean, I know that that's not typical.
46:56
SPEAKER_01: So God got a hold of me really tightly as a really young kid.
47:00
SPEAKER_01: And so I still chose to allow that voice to be louder.
47:05
SPEAKER_01: And I know that's not God saying that about me, and and that I was insane enough to say God keeps me from memorizing lyrics so that I don't get a big head.
47:17
SPEAKER_01: Well, really, it um I watched a lot of musicians around me and I just did not like the life that they were leading.
47:25
SPEAKER_01: And so that was my way of ridiculously protecting myself of not doing it their way, until someone said to me, you know, you could still be a musician and just not do it their way.
47:36
SPEAKER_01: You could do it that God wants you to.
47:38
SPEAKER_05: And I'm like, oh my gosh, you're totally right.
47:41
unknown: Dang it.
47:42
SPEAKER_01: But I didn't ask.
47:43
SPEAKER_01: I never once went to God and said, Do you want me to be a musician?
47:47
SPEAKER_01: Is that the route that you want me to take?
47:49
SPEAKER_01: I just assumed no, because I'd watched it be done so poorly.
47:53
SPEAKER_01: And honestly, I was fearful.
47:55
SPEAKER_01: I was fearful that I too would be brought down that path.
47:58
SPEAKER_01: And I needed, I was trying so hard to safeguard myself that I put myself in a space that even God wasn't, I wasn't allowing God to come in and say, I've got you, I can, I'll protect you.
48:11
SPEAKER_01: You're trying to do the self-preservation thing, but you're you're so far outside of what you could be doing.
48:18
SPEAKER_05: Wow.
48:18
SPEAKER_05: So pretty soon.
48:19
SPEAKER_05: And it's not too late, right?
48:20
SPEAKER_05: I mean, that's the thing.
48:21
SPEAKER_05: I mean, you right now you know the the blinders are off and the shackles are off, really.
48:27
SPEAKER_05: So anything could happen from here.
48:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so I auditioned for the voice.
48:32
SPEAKER_01: Did you know that?
48:33
SPEAKER_01: Oh, no way, yeah.
48:34
SPEAKER_01: That was my way of saying, uh, I'm good, Satan.
48:38
SPEAKER_01: You you're all done here.
48:40
SPEAKER_05: That is awesome.
48:41
SPEAKER_05: Way to go.
48:41
SPEAKER_05: It was awesome.
48:42
SPEAKER_05: How did it go?
48:43
SPEAKER_01: I mean, were you so I uh yes, but I so they have two different types.
48:48
SPEAKER_01: Um they have the live auditions that are never over here on this on the West Coast.
48:53
SPEAKER_01: They are the closest they've gotten so far is um Arizona.
48:57
SPEAKER_01: Okay, but if they come anywhere near me, my husband said, if they come anywhere in the state, you're going.
49:02
SPEAKER_01: So you can audition online.
49:04
SPEAKER_01: And so I sent in a video, and it was still if you so first I did a Facebook live and I was like, look, you guys, I've got to get over this.
49:12
SPEAKER_01: I have this is me making taking a stand and saying that I am God's and he is mine, and and that's it.
49:18
SPEAKER_01: Those are the only two people in this whole relationship right now.
49:21
SPEAKER_05: No more messing.
49:22
SPEAKER_01: No, no more messing.
49:23
SPEAKER_01: And and so um, you know, it was kind of like a rip it off like a band-aid, but it was more of uh, I know who lives in me, and I know that I'm a warrior, and and I don't need anyone else's permission to be a fighter.
49:37
SPEAKER_01: God already says that it's his spirit that lives in me, and that that's the strength that I I walk under every single day.
49:43
SPEAKER_01: Nothing else.
49:43
SPEAKER_01: I don't walk under anything else.
49:45
SPEAKER_01: And so um, it was the first video that I made.
49:49
SPEAKER_01: I was really nervous.
49:51
SPEAKER_01: You can see I'm holding my phone and it's shaky.
49:53
SPEAKER_01: My I mean, I was just but it was a fight, and I was like, I'm doing this, you guys.
49:57
SPEAKER_01: This is gonna be shaky, and you might throw up watching this video because I'm so nervous, but I'm gonna do it.
50:03
SPEAKER_01: And I did, and it was it was great, it was really encouraging feedback.
50:06
SPEAKER_01: And then I went ahead and I I told my husband, I said, Is this is it crazy?
50:11
SPEAKER_01: Do what do you think?
50:12
SPEAKER_01: And he he shook his head and and I said, I I really want to audition for the voice.
50:16
SPEAKER_01: And he was like, and I was well, does that mean no?
50:18
SPEAKER_01: And he goes, No, it means you should have done this 20 years ago when I told you you should do this, and I was well, maybe you should have been louder.
50:26
SPEAKER_01: It was all my fault.
50:27
SPEAKER_01: It wasn't his fault.
50:29
SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I think that's the so it's fascinating that the conversation went here, but this month uh we are just taking like the whole month in different angles of conversation, talking about purpose.
50:42
SPEAKER_05: And it seems we come back again and again.
50:45
SPEAKER_05: Like the the first thing that we've got to do if we're you know kind of going after this purpose and what does the purpose have the Lord's purpose for my life is is identifying the lies that we're choosing to believe.
50:59
SPEAKER_05: And and you know, the step with that is then replacing them with truth and really figuring out what the word says, what we're to believe, because because it's what God says about us.
51:11
SPEAKER_05: So I mean, it sounds like for your journey that's been an ongoing battle.
51:15
SPEAKER_05: And it's not that you haven't done anything significant in the meantime and raised some amazing kids or lived what you believed and all these things, but there's this little area that, you know, finally is getting unleashed.
51:26
SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
51:27
SPEAKER_01: Well, and you know, I that's one thing that I really love about God.
51:30
SPEAKER_01: Uh, He's so gracious to allow us to do it slowly and not everything at once.
51:36
SPEAKER_01: You know, I mean, I we are works in progress, and um, it isn't just because we drag our feet.
51:43
SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's part of it, but it's also because it's a lot, you know.
51:47
SPEAKER_01: I mean, we grieve in stages as we should.
51:50
SPEAKER_01: Right.
51:50
SPEAKER_01: To do all of that at once is it's too much for, I mean, we're we're our physical humanists, you know, for our physical human brain, that could be really traumatic.
51:59
SPEAKER_01: And so he's so gracious.
52:01
SPEAKER_01: There's been things um, you know, that we have grieved over that years later something will happen and it'll kind of trigger something in me.
52:09
SPEAKER_01: And I and I'll say, Man, I I didn't realize I was still so sad about that, or I was still kind of struggling, or that maybe I'm still, oh, yeah, I'm still mad.
52:18
SPEAKER_01: I'm still mad when I think about that.
52:20
SPEAKER_01: And so having to again go back and say, Oh Lord, I surrendered this again, again and again and again.
52:25
SPEAKER_01: And so I'm certain that I'm not all done with that.
52:28
SPEAKER_01: I'm certain that I'm not done surrendering, but I'm committed to however often and that he uh points something out in me, then I'm I'm doing it.
52:38
SPEAKER_01: Uh that's I'm all done with, and I memorize lyrics really well, actually, as it turns out.
52:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I've led worship at my chair.
52:49
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, right.
52:51
SPEAKER_01: And you know what's so great is it was a little bit more freeing going in knowing that I really didn't want to be picked for the voice because I don't want to leave my kids for six months.
53:00
SPEAKER_01: I don't want to go live in Hollywood.
53:02
SPEAKER_05: There's so not good timing for that right now.
53:05
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that doesn't sound fun to me.
53:07
SPEAKER_01: Uh most of it doesn't sound fun to me, but I do want to sing, and so what you know, wherever that takes me.
53:14
SPEAKER_01: So my what I really prayed about was when should I say yes to any anything musical?
53:21
SPEAKER_01: And so I really felt like God said, if you can, because this is a busy season with books and you know, writing and by you know, Bible studies and stuff.
53:30
SPEAKER_01: And and so he said, uh, if you can, then say yes.
53:34
SPEAKER_01: If if it's if it aligns with the rest of the priorities that I have, then say yes.
53:38
SPEAKER_01: And so I think I've led worship three times now at my church, where before I've had pastors ask me and I'm all no, I don't do that.
53:45
SPEAKER_01: I mean, just shut them down.
53:47
SPEAKER_01: They're all oh, you don't want to pray.
53:49
SPEAKER_01: You don't want to pray about that?
53:50
SPEAKER_01: No, I don't.
53:51
SPEAKER_01: And so obviously, if I don't want to talk to God about it, I'm not sure.
53:56
SPEAKER_04: There might be an issue.
53:59
SPEAKER_01: So I'm I'm better now.
54:00
SPEAKER_01: There's some there's some health that's growing there.
54:02
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
54:03
SPEAKER_05: That's so great.
54:04
SPEAKER_05: Well, there's a lot that I think you could say as we just kind of I want to leave our listeners with maybe you know one or two things that because we talked about a lot, we covered a lot of ter territory and I loved every single minute of it.
54:17
SPEAKER_05: But what would you moms in particular, that's who you're speaking to and what your book is for, what do you want to leave them with as they walk away from the conversation?
54:26
SPEAKER_05: That practical thing that you can put into practice today as that might shift their motherhood or how they view their kids or just those little things that along the way your heart has learned and helped you embrace motherhood to its fullest.
54:42
SPEAKER_01: I think there's a couple of things.
54:44
SPEAKER_01: One is that you are you and your kid are a perfect match.
54:48
SPEAKER_01: And I I think that we forget that God cares about that bit of a detail.
54:55
SPEAKER_01: And our child was created to help us to grow, and uh we were created to help our our child to grow, and it really it it it becomes that way, and you know, there because there's ugly things in us, and sometimes our kids are really good at pointing that out, or or we watch them do it, wrong.
55:15
SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah, that's me right there.
55:18
SPEAKER_01: Right, and then I think the other thing that I is well, that your work matters, what you're doing super matters.
55:28
SPEAKER_01: I mean, every minute that you have to be intentional with your kid, to have those frank conversations, to say, hey, I noticed when so-and-so was trying to bait you, you didn't you didn't take that, and that's awesome.
55:45
SPEAKER_01: I love that.
55:45
SPEAKER_01: And and I mean that that simple conversation might set their their reaction to people for the rest of their life.
55:53
SPEAKER_01: And then suddenly they are great in a place of employment, they're great in a relationship, they're great as parents, you know, because we've cultivated that.
56:01
SPEAKER_01: And then I think that so many times we feel like our season is forever, whatever we're in.
56:07
SPEAKER_05: Isn't that the truth, right?
56:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, boy, yeah.
56:10
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it doesn't matter what age our kids are, there's hard in in all of that.
56:15
SPEAKER_01: And you know, there's greatness too, but there are some really difficult things, and we have such a we have such a gift in scripture that even if you just camp out the whole time you've got children living in your home, if the only thing you ever read is Proverbs, Proverbs and Psalms, you know, where you're just like filling up, filling up, just read Psalm 91, like over and over and over again.
56:42
SPEAKER_01: He's he's so protective in that in that um that's my warrior.
56:46
SPEAKER_01: When I am like when I feel a fight coming on, I'm just reading that top to bottom.
56:50
SPEAKER_01: I sat in a city council meeting when my husband was gonna get laid off, and I read that in a whisper at that city council meeting.
56:57
SPEAKER_01: I probably read through it 15 times, waiting for my turn to get up and speak.
57:01
SPEAKER_01: And but you know, I mean, you just you find those, find those scriptures that speak to you, to your circumstances, to your kids, to your marriage, to your space, whatever your season is, and then you use those as your weapons, and and then know that every season comes to an end.
57:19
SPEAKER_01: I mean, the leaves always change.
57:21
SPEAKER_01: And if I just said this in a sermon that if leaves aren't changing, then God's not done with you in this season.
57:26
SPEAKER_01: And you know, as frustrating.
57:29
SPEAKER_05: That's good.
57:30
SPEAKER_01: If it and that's so frustrating sometimes, but there's so much work happening right before those leaves start changing.
57:36
SPEAKER_01: I mean, there's a lot that I mean, even scientifically, there's so much that's going on with nature right before that happens to prepare that tree to go into hibernation or to come into that next into the next that next space.
57:51
SPEAKER_01: And and we want to gloss over it because sometimes it's hard, but there's just um there's just a lot of beauty in it's the unseen work, right?
58:01
SPEAKER_05: The unseen below the surface and yeah, the inner workings of our heart and our minds.
58:06
SPEAKER_05: Yes.
58:06
SPEAKER_05: Oh, that's beautiful.
58:08
SPEAKER_05: I loved every minute of this.
58:09
SPEAKER_05: Thank you.
58:10
SPEAKER_05: Thank you.
58:10
SPEAKER_01: I thank you.
58:11
SPEAKER_01: I'm so glad it's finally worked out.
58:14
SPEAKER_05: I was just thinking too, just as how good of a good of a conversation it's been.
58:18
SPEAKER_05: I'm like, well, now I know why it hasn't worked for now.
58:22
SPEAKER_05: But I always uh I've learned to believe, you know, the timing always works out perfectly.
58:27
SPEAKER_05: And even if the enemy meant it for bad, in his goodness, he overcomes.
58:32
SPEAKER_05: So and then it's good, and that's all we remember.
58:35
SPEAKER_05: That's true.
58:36
SPEAKER_01: And this was our season to speak.
58:38
SPEAKER_05: Yes, it was, and I'm excited to share.
58:40
SPEAKER_05: Thank you so much.
58:42
SPEAKER_05: I just look forward to seeing more what unfolds for you and doing that.
58:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, thank you.
58:47
SPEAKER_05: It's awesome.
58:48
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna go eat some Asian chicken noodle soup.
58:51
SPEAKER_01: That's what I made for dinner.
58:52
SPEAKER_05: Oh yeah, sounds good.
58:53
SPEAKER_05: Well, I'm crawling into bed, so great evening.
58:57
SPEAKER_01: You too, thank you so much.
58:59
SPEAKER_01: Bye.
58:59
SPEAKER_01: Bye.
59:03
SPEAKER_05: Remember, the enemy is only fueled by our fears, so don't let the fear of failure limit what the Lord has for you.
59:09
SPEAKER_05: Be sure and check out Chantel's audition reel on her Facebook page and let her know how she did.
59:14
SPEAKER_05: I'd also love to hear what y'all think about hashtag NoFill February, and follow along with us as we continue the conversation.
59:22
SPEAKER_05: Remember, whether your plans for the first two months of the year are right on target or your plans have fallen by the wayside, you can take comfort in the truth that the Lord has not given up on you.
59:33
SPEAKER_05: He has a great plan and is not thwarted by our screw ups or mess-ups.
59:37
SPEAKER_05: We always have an opportunity to reframe our messy middle or shame-based ending and rewrite the story we are in.
59:44
SPEAKER_05: It might just be time to begin yet again.
59:48
SPEAKER_05: I'm also excited to mention that we are sharing seven conversations coming up here during the lint season.
59:54
SPEAKER_05: Starting in March, turn courage as we reflect, remember, and celebrate rebirth.
59:59
SPEAKER_05: Be sure and invite your friends and family to join along.
1:00:02
SPEAKER_05: Invite them to tune in with you as we continue to pursue perspective, purpose, and plans for a simply wholehearted life.