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EP 9 When Cancer Knocks - Lisa Fenimore · iRefresh Podcast

• 0:05
  After a decade of gathering women together for prayer, we are inspired to bring our words of encouragement to you. This is iRefresh. This is iRefresh, and we want to welcome you because our heart is to empower ordinary women to do extraordinary things for the power of prayer and just encouragement of people just to share their story. And one of the things I think is really great, I have Lisa Fenimore with me. And, okay, so if I were to give a title, it's a mama.
• 0:34
  which you are delightful. She's very comedic, and you really need to follow her on Instagram because the storyline that you have is so powerful because of the power of laughter. And I'm like, oh my gosh, I would have stopped. And I'm like, okay, children.
• 0:52
  Like the other day, she started talking and then when her daughter, what her name is... Her name is Everly. Yeah. Okay, I should say, okay, welcome to... So Everly is a darling because as soon as you would start to say something, she would start... And I thought... It was almost like one of those buttons. As soon as she would say it, it's like she's pushing a button because like... And she would talk and then you were just...
• 1:15
  I tried again and again. I don't know how many times, but you flowed with it so well. Yeah, thank you. So anyway, I'm grateful to have you here as not just a cancer survivor, but I think you have probably more stories within you that you don't recognize, because you're just living life and enjoying the journey, which I don't think that everybody has a grasp, but you can actually have laughter and joy in the middle of that.
• 1:43
  Yeah, I think as a mom and a cancer survivor, and I'll share more too about just what my husband's gone through, but we've been through so much and I've learned that if you can't have the joy of the Lord, then what can you do?
• 1:59
  So I think I just learned early on just to find the humor in things, to focus on the joy and really learn that joy is different than happiness. Because there are times where I didn't feel happy. I don't feel like I want to do this. But joy is from the Lord. And so, yeah, so I do share.
• 2:15
  Selling Instagram stories and just my daily life, but I think You know there's something that's really special about being genuine and authentic and and just being real And so my Instagram is very real as you saw It's great. I mean seriously like if you need just a pick you up and
• 2:32
  Like, you just need to keep rolling because it's like, I love the entertainment of it because you're like, you're my sense of humor. I get this. This is fun. And, you know, because life is challenging and yet you're like, you're just like smirking like, okay, this is the way it is. And like, sometimes I'm thinking that would be disturbing to me. I'm like, oh, I got to do this again. But you're like, I'm going to keep rolling with it. I'm going to keep trying. Well, I'm sure there are moments that I don't post where I'm like, stop talking, you know. Yeah.
• 3:00
  Well, I'll post the cute version. Yeah. Well, you know, because most people filter, you know? Most people have a filter on we want to look our best. Yeah. And I like your authenticity. Thank you. And just getting to know you. She's my new friend. And I just want to get over to BFS, right? But I would love for you just to begin to open up and just whatever is on your heart to share some of your back story and then what God's been doing in your life. Yeah, yeah.
• 3:27
  Well, going back to what we were just talking about for a second, I think authenticity and just being genuine is so rare these days with a world that we can really filter how people perceive us in our lives and Instagram and Facebook and other things that I feel like I'm too old for, like Snapchat, you know?
• 3:44
  I was banned. My son's like, no, Mom. I'm not allowed. I'm not allowed. Yeah, I'm not on those things. But I feel like you can really give people a perception of who you are in your life that's not real. And so I decided early on when I got on Instagram and stuff that, hey, this is my life. This is me. So, yeah, I'm glad that you appreciate that because I think it is hard to come across and it's valuable to me. So I'm happy that you appreciate it too. See, now I'm going to probably be more bold now.
• 4:12
  I don't mind posting fun pictures of my boys With permission Because I did that with my son yesterday He's graduating Instead of putting the cord around your neck He wrapped around And then all night long How many ways can you use the cord For a graduation We're really proud that he's got a cord He's having his brother tighten him up I'm like
• 4:35
  Okay, can you at least let it, it's got to survive for the ceremony. But just doing life and enjoying it is great. And I would love to hear, what has God done even prior to your diagnosis with cancer? What was leading up to you? Do you feel like God was preparing you? Or did you come unglued? How did that process leading up to cancer happen?
• 4:59
  Well, so I was born in 1984. Okay, good. Here we go. Long, three-part podcast. No, I mean, I came from a good home, good parents. I was born and raised in Chicago area. I say Chicago because it sounds cooler than Beach Park, Illinois. And people don't know what that is. So I say Chicago. I know that area. Oh, you know Beach Park? Yeah, because I lived in Indiana and in Michigan, right around the edges. See, we are best friends.
• 5:28
  Yeah, so I was born and raised there and I came to Tulsa a year after doing college back home. And I met my husband. I was involved in the youth group and he was working at the church at the time. So I started volunteering and he was like, come volunteer by me.
• 5:44
  Oh, that's so convenient. You're called to serve. I think you're called to the media arts department. But really his sister kind of had a hand in putting us together. Oh, matchmakers. Yeah, yeah. So that's what kept me in Tulsa, is dating my husband. And for a time we did move back up to Illinois and then back to Oklahoma. For some reason we keep ending up in Oklahoma. I don't know why, but God has us here.
• 6:11
  And just a pretty normal life, to be honest. Nothing crazy, nothing out of the ordinary. So as far as anything, you know, prepping me for a cancer diagnosis or anything like that, you know, really, I was born and raised in church. And I think just having that foundation, obviously that's great when you go through hardships. But I don't think there's anything that can prepare you for that type of news, that you have cancer.
• 6:38
  So when I was diagnosed, it really was my own thoughts, my own emotions, my own feelings. And I had to make sure that what I was feeling and what I was sensing, that it really was going back to the Word of God because it's easy to get in your own head and kind of just derail from everything you've ever learned in the church. And I've heard about people spiraling or being upset with God and things like that.
• 7:08
  And why me? Yeah, why me? Why me? Which I can completely understand why people have.
• 7:15
  those kinds of questions. And not to sound like overly spiritual, but I really never had those questions. My first instinct was like, God, I've seen you do miracles. God, I know. I get emotional when I say these things because the faithfulness of God just comes in like a wave sometimes and I get emotional. Sorry if there's tears. I'm with you. I totally get it. I totally get it.
• 7:38
  But yeah, I never really struggled with the why. And I just focused on the fact that I knew I'd seen God do miracles. And I'd had people say different things before, like, oh, but you're a good person. How did you get cancer? You know, things where people would actually say that to me. Wow, really? Yes. And unbelievers, especially, that don't, you know, good things happen or bad things happen to good people. It's the world we live in. It's a sinful world.
• 8:08
  So yeah, processing that thought and choosing not to focus on that thought because
• 8:15
  How did you counteract that? Did you just stay quiet or did you react or respond to them or you just had a process? Well, before I even officially announced that I'd been diagnosed with cancer, I wrote. I love to write. I feel like I'm a much better communicator when I'm writing than in person because I can tweak things and say the right word. We're related. I don't know if you need that.
• 8:39
  Yeah, we'll have to do a DNA test after this. But I love to write and so I wrote up a blog post and I was able to kind of articulate what I was thinking and feeling and people close to me knew already. But I thought when I share this with the world, I want to clearly let people know that I'm okay.
• 8:58
  I'm at peace. Not that I'm at peace with having sickness in my body, but I'm at peace with knowing that I'm in God's hands. So I wrote up a post and I said, I just kind of laid it out there, I've been diagnosed with cancer, but my God is a healer, my God is a savior.
• 9:15
  I remember saying, if this diagnosis brings anybody grief or frustration or not understanding, please join me in prayer. Please join me in knowing that I have faith in the Lord and you can have faith in the Lord. And I posted some scriptures and some different things. So really my way of counteracting those things was to try to, in the beginning, be like, this is where I'm at. And if it was a one-on-one question, I would just say, I don't understand everything. Mm-hmm.
• 9:44
  We live in a world that has sin and sickness, but God is greater. So I would just try to leave it at that because I'm not, you know, I can't quote every scripture in the Bible and I just had to be led with what I felt in that moment was the right thing to say. Right. So how many years has it been since the initial? I'm four years cancer free now or almost four years cancer free. At this time, four years ago, I was finishing up chemo.
• 10:10
  and I would have been starting radiation. So not quite four years cancer-free. And the type of cancer you had? Yeah, so I had a blood cancer. It's called Hodgkin's lymphoma. And there's non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, there's Hodgkin's lymphoma, there's lots of different variations of it. So I just say a blood cancer usually because people relate to that. It's in the same vein as, like leukemia is a blood cancer. Things like that.
• 10:37
  And it typically does strike young adults and then again later in life. So I've heard some people say, oh, you're so young to have cancer. But when I really looked up the type of cancer that I had been diagnosed with, I found that lots of young adults had that. It was a big bracket of people that had that cancer. So I got online and I looked up other people that had been through it, and it helped me build my faith.
• 11:02
  when I had seen success stories of healing, whether or not they were Christian or not, just seeing those stories. So, yeah, I think I derailed from your question. Well, no, no, no, but I think too is like learning the process, what you have to do spiritually, physically, emotionally. There's so, all of it's a part of making sure every part of that aspect that you're feeding your body with good health and nutrition, but also emotionally
• 11:29
  Building yourself up so that you can also have the faith to believe spiritually that who your God is. That you do believe that he's a miracle-working God. But until that time or however he chooses to heal you, if it's through treatment or if it's like that instant healing, which we would all love to have. Yeah.
• 11:46
  But we don't know what that journey is. So the step of faith every day is key. And so that's where I was wanting to know, like, how did you, like, on the grind? Because if it was four years ago, you were worried, worried with children. Your ages of your children are. Yeah, so right now my children are seven, five, and two. And we had actually just moved to North Carolina when I was diagnosed. So, yeah, we've moved there. We kind of just wanted an adventure. And being from Illinois, I thought,
• 12:14
  I don't know if I wanna live in Oklahoma, let's go somewhere fun. And I had family in North Carolina. So we just kind of on a whim, but a prayerful whim decided to move to North Carolina. So unfortunately I didn't have a great community base built there during that time. My brother and his family are there and they're awesome. So having their support was huge. But as far as solid friendships and stuff, I was working on those things. So it wasn't like here back home where I've had friendships for a while.
• 12:44
  So what did you do then? Because you didn't have that there. Yeah, I mean we were planted in a church and so I had made some friendships and even a couple people from Tulsa had moved to Charlotte over the years. So I had some connections that were a little bit deeper than we just met two months ago.
• 13:03
  right yeah right so I'm so luckily I did have a lot of people that were around and yes we moved to North Carolina and my kids were at that time I guess it would have been three and my little guy he wasn't even quite one when I first felt
• 13:19
  a lump in my neck, which is how I even became aware that there was a problem. So new city, new community, new church, new everything. Three year old and a infant. I was actually still breastfeeding at the time. And so when I did start chemo, I had to just continue that so I could start the process. So as a mother, it was a lot to take on because it changed the way I thought I was gonna parent.
• 13:47
  they were still young and luckily they were kind of young enough to where they didn't quite get it. So it kind of made it easier in a way. Because you would probably be emotional. Yes. Especially when you were changing gears from nursing to, Yeah. Now I have a battle. Yeah, yeah. How would you do that? Like how did you feel? Because normally with chemo, certain days you're not going to feel good once you get to a certain... I mean I know after so many you start not feeling as good. Yeah.
• 14:15
  Yeah, it was kind of a progressive thing for sure. But my parents came to North Carolina and they stayed with us for a while. And then when they had to leave, my husband's mom and her husband came in and they stayed for a while. So honestly, it was just God working it out for me that they could be there because...
• 14:33
  I can't imagine going through that and having to still parent normal, having them to be around like, hey, I just need to rest. And they'd play with the kids or take them to the park so I could sleep. Those kinds of things were huge. So even though I didn't have a close-knit community locally, people came to me, which was amazing. I'm so grateful for that. So, so grateful for that. What was your husband thinking at that time? How was he processing things?
• 15:03
  Yeah, honestly, I think there were times where it was harder for him than me. That's what I want to say. Yeah, he was always so supportive, always so encouraging, standing on the Word of God with me. He'd come and pray over me when I was feeling sick. I know it was hard on him, so I think there were times where I'd be like, I'm okay, even if I was feeling not so great, because I didn't want him to worry. But yeah, he was emotional too, too.
• 15:33
  Sorry, I'm just reflecting on all of it and thinking. When I was actually diagnosed with cancer, it had been about maybe a month or a little bit longer leading up to it. So of tests and going through that process. So I think we had both kind of been prepared in a way, obviously hoping for the best, but preparing that, that was a possibility. What the tests were showing, it looked that way.
• 15:58
  So I think he was kind of ready to be strong for me, but at the same time he's a sensitive guy. So it was hard for him. For sure, to see me like that. I have two young children. Yeah. Because I think too, when you think about with husbands, their role is to be that protector. Yeah. And not feeling like he had the ability to control
• 16:20
  protecting you and the children from this that hits you. That has to be incredible. You have to pull on to God for help, I'm sure. Yeah, you know, there were times where, even though I had people that loved me, that were praying for me, when I'd go to sleep at night, when I was receiving chemo or whatever was going on,
• 16:41
  it became very evident that these are my own thoughts, these are my own prayers, this is my own faith. No one can do this for me. And as strong as my husband was for me, that was something that I had to come to terms with too because normally I would go to him like, hey, I really need you to help me with this or I could use your support in this area. But at the end of the day, it was really my relationship with God that was keeping me afloat, you know?
• 17:09
  And so knowing that my support and my strength doesn't come from my husband, it comes from God. That was something I had to learn early on. Wow. So how did, I mean, is it just something because of the way you were raised in the church and in the Word of God that you knew that God was always going to be primary to help you, strengthen you?
• 17:30
  Did you feel like the Holy Spirit was prompting you with things just to encourage you? Yeah. Honestly, when I was going through that time, I don't know that I've ever felt closer with the Lord. And I think that people can choose to lean in or they can choose to pull back. And I think anybody that's gone through hardships can understand that. But as hard as it was sometimes, I would choose to lean in. And I feel like...
• 17:59
  the things that I wrote in my journal or you know even posts on Facebook or whatever things that flowed out out of me were so Holy Spirit initiated because I look back at those things and I'm like I'm not that good I didn't write that that's great yeah I didn't write that. But who wrote that? That's in my journal. Exactly. Even last night when I was kind of going through some of just my notes from that time I thought that's a good word I didn't write that. Wow. It was the Lord.
• 18:29
  So yeah, I think that leaning in and choosing to rely on God through it. And though I did have a Christian upbringing, I think those are your own choices. So many people stray away from their faith. It's just easy in life, especially in the world we live in today, to get sidetracked with
• 18:48
  busyness. And so for me during that time, I knew I need to lean in. I need to trust God. So I would just blast elevation worship music all the time. To this day, anytime I hear an elevation song, I think of chemo, but not in a bad way, in a good way, because...
• 19:05
  Like one of the lyrics are, you know, I've seen you move the mountains and I believe you'll do it again. And I just, I would be standing in my living room and this was before my parents came to visit or my husband's mom was there. I would just be in the living room. My kids are staring at me like, mom, you're crazy, you know. And I would just be worshiping, like singing these songs as loud as I could because it built faith in me when I was nervous about, is this cancer? You know, when I was waiting for that diagnosis. Oh, okay.
• 19:31
  You know, it helped build faith. And even the thought of, I've seen you do things before. I've seen you heal people. I've been on missions trips where I've seen amazing things. Locally, not just missions. But, you know, I've seen God do things before, and I believe he'll do it again. So that helped me build myself up in the faith rather than be like, woe is me.
• 19:51
  You know, always be. That's really powerful because, you know, the idea that you are using prayer but the worship to engage with the Lord to help you through. I think music is so powerful. Isn't it, though? I'm very musically driven. Like, I love to exercise, and I love a good playlist when I'm exercising. And it can either motivate me or just make me feel like I don't want to do anything. You're totally right. You're okay.
• 20:12
  I know. If it's too slow, like, oh, it's going to be this long. Like, is it a nap time? Is it an hour gone by? Exactly. I agree with you. So when I put on worship music or just inspiring music, it changes the tone. It changes the atmosphere. And I think it allows you to respond to God and respond to the Holy Spirit. So at that time, I didn't know exactly that's what I was doing. But I thought I need to get my mind off of it.
• 20:36
  anything else. I need to get my mind off of anything else other than God. Wow. So. And that's great though. Yeah. Isn't that great though when you think about it, it's the Holy Spirit. Yeah. Prompting you to do something that's going to feed your soul. Yeah. And help your, your emotionals to line up with God's word. Yeah.
• 20:51
  Yeah, which is what he's wanting, just totally unabandoned trusting him. Yes. Well, I tend to get in my head and think things through. And I've never really struggled with depression or anxiety or something. But when you're waiting for a diagnosis like that, it's hard to not focus on it. It was constantly going through my brain. And I'm playing with my kids, but I'm thinking about the biopsy I just had or the ultrasound I just had or something like that.
• 21:17
  So for me, it was so important to get my mind off of me and focus on the one that can fix it. So that's when I was like, we're playing elevation. We're playing whatever it is that's on because I don't want to think about the bad things. Not that it's bad to process those emotions because obviously you want to process and work through those feelings. But I just knew it would be unhealthy for me to sit and think on it too much.
• 21:45
  You need to think on God. I think that's the truth of not giving it power and not ignoring it because you almost give power to ignoring it. Because it's going to come back at you. But being able to own it enough to know that now it's, but this is who my God is and dwelling on who he is in our lives. And I think that's what really God's desiring for us. No matter what our circumstances are in our lives is that,
• 22:12
  The bad days do come. It's just on this earth, it is going to happen. But the thing I really do enjoy hearing is when I hear your story, it's one of those things, too, I've learned is in watching other of my own family members do the same thing. It's putting your hope in God and in the music. I tell you what, I know even in general in life when I feel some kind of heaviness of something or praying for someone,
• 22:38
  I'll put my headphones on and I just go around the house and I'm like, hopefully no one's around where they can see me because I'm like jamming. I'm like, yes, God, because it turns that worship into prayer and back into worship. And then the word and then all of a sudden it's like the Holy Spirit brings the word. Yeah. I begin to confess the word. Yeah. It gets you out of your head.
• 22:57
  Right. And really in tune with God. Yeah. Invites the Holy Spirit in. So you're not. I agree. You're not all open here. I would love for you just to, what would you like to tell those that are listening about, like, just in the words of encouragement of whatever they're going through, whether it's cancer, especially even a cancer, how you'd want to just encourage them in the journey. Yeah, yeah.
• 23:18
  I think that when you have hard news or hard times, it's really easy to focus on yourself, to focus on what you're going through. But if you can choose joy, if you can choose to get in the Word, get in worship, even serving or giving out to someone else, it gets you out of what you're going through and it focuses on something greater.
• 23:44
  And for me, it was joy, choosing the joy of the Lord over choosing the frustration of my situation or how I was feeling at that time. And listening to an Elevation podcast back then, actually, I remember Pastor Steven saying that the world can't take away joy that the world didn't give. And that really struck me. And I kept thinking that's true. These circumstances can't take away what you have inside of you. So I encourage anyone going through hard times to just remember...
• 24:13
  God is with you. God is for you. God is a step ahead of you. It's not that he's trying to be like, well, what's next? He knows what's next. And if you choose to trust in him, he will get you through. I love when you think about, well, I was going through something. Yeah, you went through something. You got through something. And if there's breath in your lungs, there's a reason for your life. There's a reason for you being here and you have purpose and not to give up because God is on the other side of whatever you're going through. He's with you and he's on the other side of it.
• 24:42
  That's powerful. What a powerful message. And so we want to encourage you, too, with if you have a story, maybe even similar to Lisa's, or you're right in the middle of it, please be sure to get us, you know, tag us, send us a message. And definitely subscribe to our podcast so you can hear more stories like Lisa's. And also on Facebook, be sure to like us.
• 25:04
  Let us hear from you. We want to know how you are overcoming through the word, through worship, what God is doing in your life. Until then, go change your world.