Latest / Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse / Embracing the Journey of Grief: Finding Healing and Renewal After Loss

Transcript

Embracing the Journey of Grief: Finding Healing and Renewal After Loss · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Is there a major life transition benching you?
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I know you may be asking what's next?
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: What's my purpose?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: What if?
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Because I've asked those too.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Start your Comeback Podcast.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Hi, welcome back.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: You're listening to episode 29.
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: You're listening to episode 29.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: In the last two episodes, we discussed the different ways we can be betrayed and how to walk through that betrayal.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Obviously, the list is not exhaustive, nor is it complete.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: I kept it short for the sake of your listening ear.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: However, if you need to discuss betrayal, you can click on the link in my show notes to my calendar and schedule a time with me, but today I want to talk about a subject that goes hand in hand with betrayal.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: None of this is fun to talk about, but it is necessary.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: I want to discuss grief with you today.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: I want to walk you through the stages of grief and help you understand them.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: You may already know them, but may know someone who doesn't, and this podcast will help them understand.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: You see, grief is an animal all of its own.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: It is deep pain and agony.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: I once read the book the Fault in Our Stars and there was a quote in there that haunts me to this day.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: The quote is this Pain demands to be felt.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: I have never felt a truer statement.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: You can push down, be in denial or simply compartmentalize your pain, but at some point it will work its way to the surface and demand to be let out.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: But at some point it will work its way to the surface and demand to be let out.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: So, as we dive into the stages of grief, please be aware that it may trigger something you need to deal with.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: It's okay and totally normal.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: Just please work through it.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: This grief can come in many forms and for different reasons.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: Everyone from all walks of life and across cultures experience loss and grief at some point.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: Grieving doesn't come only from dealing with your own death or the death of a loved one.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: It can also come as a result of an illness, the end of a close relationship or even the end of a project or dream.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: Also, you don't need a valid reason to grieve.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: Everyone mourns differently.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: You could go through many intense emotions or you could simply not react at all.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: Both responses are valid and not uncommon.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: How much time you spend navigating the stages of grief also varies from person to person.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: It may take you hours, months or longer to process a loss and heal from it.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: You may not experience all the stages of grief in the order listed below.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: You could go back and forth from one stage to another.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: You may even skip all these emotions and process your loss differently altogether.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: The five stages of grief are supposed to serve you as a reference, not as a written rule.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: Number one denial.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: This is a common defense mechanism.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: It may help you buffer the immediate shock of the hurtful situation.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: As an immediate reaction, you might doubt the reality of the loss at first.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: A few examples of this type of denial are 1.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: If you're facing the death of a loved one, you might find yourself fantasizing someone will call to say, hey, there's been a mistake and nothing really happened.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: Or 2.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: If you're dealing with a breakup, you might convince yourself your partner will soon regret leaving and come back to you.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: Or the third one if you lost your job, you might feel your former boss will offer you the position back after they realize they've made a mistake.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: Or it could be something else.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: But after this first reaction of shock and denial.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: You may be numb for quite a while, but at some point you could feel like nothing matters to you anymore.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: Life as you once knew it has changed.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: It might be even difficult for you to move on.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: This first stage of grief is a natural reaction that helps you process the loss in your own time.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: By being numb, you're giving yourself time to explore at your own pace the changes you're going through.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: Denial is a temporary response that carries you through the first wave of pain.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Eventually, when you're ready, the feelings and emotions you have denied will resurface and your journey will continue.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: The second step in the grieving process is anger.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: Feeling intensely angry might surprise you or your loved ones, but it's not uncommon.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: This anger serves a purpose.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: It might be particularly overwhelming for some people to feel anger because in many cultures, anger is a feared or rejected emotion.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: You might be more used to avoiding it than actually confronting it.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: During the anger stage of grief, you might start asking questions like why me?
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: Or what did I do to deserve this?
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: You could also feel suddenly angry at inanimate objects, strangers, friends or family members.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: You might feel angry at life itself.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: It's not rare to also feel anger toward the situation or person you lost.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: Rationally, you might understand the person isn't to blame, but emotionally, however, you may resent them for causing you pain or for leaving you.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: At some point you might also feel guilty for just being angry.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: This actually could make you angrier.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: Just try to remind yourself that underneath your anger is pain and even if it might not feel like it, this anger is necessary for you to heal.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: Anger might also be a way to reconnect to the world after isolating yourself from it during the denial stage, because when you're numb, you disconnect from everyone.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: When you're angry, you connect, even if through this emotion.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: But anger isn't the only emotion you might experience during this stage.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: Irritability, bitterness, anxiety, rage and impatience are just some of the other ways you might cope with your loss.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: It's all part of the same process.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: Bargaining is the next stage of grief, and that helps you hold on to hope.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: In a situation of intense pain, you might think to yourself that you're willing to do anything and sacrifice everything if your life is restored to how it was before the loss.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: During this internal negotiation, you could find yourself thinking about what if, or if only?
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: What if I did x, y and z, then everything would go back to normal.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: If only I had done something differently to prevent the loss.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: Guilt might also be an accompanying emotion during this stage, as you, inadvertently, might be trying to regain some control, even at your own expense.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: All these emotions and thoughts aren't uncommon.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: As hard as it might feel, this helps you heal as you confront the reality of your loss.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: Just as in all the other stages of grief, depression is experienced in different ways.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: There's no right or wrong way to go about it, nor is there a deadline to overcome it.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: In this instance, depression isn't a sign of a mental health condition.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: Instead, it's a natural and appropriate response to grief.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: During this depression stage, you start facing your present reality and the inevitability of the loss you've experienced.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: Understandably, this realization may lead you to feel intense sadness and despair.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: This intense sadness could cause you to feel different in other aspects too.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: You could feel fatigued, vulnerable, confused, distracted.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: You don't want to move on.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: You're not hungry or not wanting to eat.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: Maybe you're not even willing to get out of bed in the morning and get ready, and maybe you don't enjoy some of the same things that you once did.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: This is all typically temporary and a direct response to your grieving process.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: As overwhelming as it may feel at this point, this stage is a necessary part of your healing journey.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: And finally, acceptance Reaching acceptance isn't necessarily about being okay with what happened.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: Depending on your experience, it might be understandable if you don't ever feel this way.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: But acceptance is more about how you acknowledge the losses you've experienced, how you learn to live with them and how you readjust your life accordingly.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: You might feel more comfortable reaching out to friends and family during this stage, but it's also natural to feel you prefer to withdraw at times.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: You may also feel like you accept the loss at times and then move to another stage of grief again.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: This back and forth between stages is natural and a part of the healing process.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: In time, you may eventually find yourself stationed at this stage for long periods of time.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: That doesn't mean you'll never feel sadness or anger again towards your loss, but your long-term perspective about it and how you live with this reality will be different.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: Remember there's no deadline for grieving.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: How long it takes you to process a loss will be what it is for you, be different for me.
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: Just remember that it's a normal thing to walk through the stages and go back through them again and again.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: You may or may not go through them in order, but it is key for you to be aware and recognize where you are.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: Grief is a difficult process to walk through, but the healing you receive brings you to a new place in life to begin again.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: Thank you for being here.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: I'll see you next week.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: Join me next week as we talk about the misconceptions of grief.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: Hey, thanks for listening.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: I don't take it for granted that you're here.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: You didn't listen by mistake.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash Until next week.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: Remember, there's still time left on the clock.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: Thank you.