Latest / MIDDLE GROUND - Real Conversations on Faith, Identity & Becoming — Through Brynne's LDS Lens of Curiosity, Love and Doubt / You Don't Have to Do Any of It: Taking Your Power Back From Resentment in the Seasons That Drain You
Transcript
- Brynne Erickson (01:04) I think too often we believe that we have to give up what we want to honor caring for someone else rather than trying to figure out how we can get what we want and help the other person get what they want. I am in a season of life where I have young kids. I am a stay at home full time parent. However, you want to word that. And I have gone in and out of different degrees of resentment, frustration, contentment in this phase of my life. And I think as parents, as caretakers, it's really easy to fall into that trap, that mindset that you just have to give, give, give right now. And I'm not saying that that's not true, because we do. We give a lot to our kids, to our people that we love. Maybe even if you're an entrepreneur and you're taking care of a new business, like your baby, right? So it's not even just people, but there are things and people that need our attention. And I'm learning a lot about balance. And If I just give, give, give, that's when I fall into anger and resentment and frustration. But when I take the time to acknowledge what I want and tend to my needs and desires, then I'm more willing and excited and happy to take care of the people around me and do the things that need to be done. And then I also want to do them rather than feeling like I Have to do them. And that has been really empowering. It's good to look at the things that you're resistant to doing or think that you have to do or should do, and remind yourself that you actually don't have to do any of it. But Brynn, if I don't feed my family, my family will go hungry. You're right. And that is an option. So give yourself your power back and be honest that you actually want to feed your family. Okay? You don't have to. They could figure something else out. They could call DoorDash. They could scrounge around the house and eat cereal or something. But you don't have to feed them. People find food all the time. So then it becomes this, okay, I actually want to feed my family. Like maybe it's not the number one thing I want to do. But I do want to do it. So it helps you give yourself your power back and kind of resets your brain of all right, this is meaningful to me. And it's a good reminder as well. I have to do this one with laundry. Like I hate doing laundry. But then I when I remind myself, no, actually I appreciate having clean clothes. And so I actually do want to do laundry. And then you get to problem solving mode too, when you ease your grip on your power. When you feel powerless in a situation, you give your power back. It loosens that grip and then you get in problem solving mode. And I always go off of three things. How can I make this as easy as possible, as fun as possible, and sustainable as possible? So with laundry, I've tried lots of different systems. How can I make this as fun, easy and sustainable as I possibly can? And I'm in a pretty good rhythm that's lasted for quite a while. And when I start to feel my grip tighten and that resentment creeping in where I feel powerless and I start blaming my husband for not helping me with laundry or whatever, like I get all angry about it, then I realize I need to evaluate my systems, remind myself I really don't have to do this. And maybe it does look different for a while. Maybe I do skip a week of lo d not doing laundry, or we're living out of clean clothes baskets for a while and things don't get folded and put away. And that's okay. It's important to remind ourselves that things can be flexible and that things can look different and they can it's really okay for them to not be your high standard all the time. Like that's hard to sustain. That's a lot of pressure to have to sustain your highest standard all the time when we truly are evolving and changing and we get sick and we have mood swings and we're tired. And it's okay to ask for help too. But I'm learning a lot about this balance of honoring what is important to us and important to other people. And it really can be both. It can be an and situation rather than me putting myself aside for you. It really could be how can we both get what we want here? A win-win situation. And that's what I've learned in motherhood as I've been pursuing other ambitions. I didn't realize I was an entrepreneur until I fit quit my full time teaching job and stepped into full time parenting. That's a weird thing to say because we're all when you're a parent, you're a full time parent. Whether you work or not, right? I'm actually still trying to sort out like what it means to be a stay at home parent. even though you're a parent all the time. Like it's kind of weird. But if you understand what I'm saying, you feel me, right? And I was in the beginning I really wanted to go all in on my businesses and then I was getting really snappy at my oldest, 'cause he's my only one at the time. And then I was angry that I didn't have enough time to pursue my what was I working on at the time? My baking, my at home baking business, and I was also selling on Poshmark. That's what I was doing. And I loved my businesses and I loved my baby, my human baby. And I wanted to I really did want to stay at home. I didn't want to go back to teaching. I didn't want to go back to a full time job. But I also loved putting so much time and effort into being creative and pro solving problems and learning how to do things and meeting new people and the hustle of it. But I was still learning how to balance and not be resentful toward my child and not be resentful toward my businesses. And then for a minute there, my thought was, Well, I decided to stay at home for a reason. And so I pulled away from entrepreneurship. For a couple of months until that didn't work anymore. And then I was just sad again because I wasn't doing anything really for me. I was putting all of my emphasis on my kiddo. And you know, if that works for you, if taking care of your kids like fills your cup completely, I'm not saying that's a problem. That's awesome and beautiful, but that's not what works for me. I like to pursue. other ambitions and passions as I take care of my kids and I've been able to find a balance. I'm my oldest is turning eight this year. So this has been an ongoing process of experimenting. And as I have gotten curious about my thoughts and my feelings in this process and gotten into problem solving mode. It has allowed me to find more peace and joy. and less frustration and resentment. And those moments flare up, but I get curious about them and I ask myself, okay, what do I need right now? And I address that and then we get back on track. And it's been awesome. I'm a entrepreneur. I'm a nap time entrepreneur. So during nap time from about one to three or one to four, I get to work on my my business babies. And sometimes in the evenings after the kids go to bed I'll spend an hour or two depending on if my husband is working as well or he's off doing something or sometimes at night I just wanna read a book or I go to bed early or I hang out with a girlfriend or I go on a walk with a friend or something, you know? But it's it's caring for me and it's kinda cool to be in a position where running being an entrepreneur and running businesses is for fun. I don't have to do it and I know not everyone has that opportunity. so many people have have to work, right, to sustain their lives and their well being and I understand that and my heart goes out to you and I send you so much strength and support and all the things that you need to take care of your family in that way and also create and find the time. to fill your cup and take care of yourself too. Cause I think that's this life is about both. It's not just about giving. We don't have to be martyrs and we don't have to be saviors for everyone and that be our only full time job. I believe that we're here to take care of ourselves too and to have an amazing experience. This life is a pretty crazy opportunity. And who knows what comes after it, if anything. I don't know. So each day is a new day, each moment is a fresh start. You don't even have to wait a full twenty four hours to start over, try again, or evaluate and think how could I do this differently? That would help me feel what I want to feel and empower me more and help me find the joy and peace that I truly desire and help create that and support my people in creating that for themselves too. It's good stuff. Find your balance. Get curious about where you're feeling maybe some resentment or resistance and ease up on it. Give yourself permission to allow it to look differently. Think of all the options of what could be done for that scenario. Like I said, you really probably don't even have to do it. Like give yourself permission that if you really didn't want to, you wouldn't have to. There would there will be consequences and outcomes that maybe you don't want. And then that's where you step into your power. But when we can evaluate it and look at things honestly, that's when we can take our power back. So hope this is helpful and make it a great day. Don't forget that you are awesome.