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Why some narcissists will never grow up · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we are talking about how some narcissists, well, a lot of
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  narcissists never grow up like the Peter Pan type narcissistic
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  people. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and welcome to episode 988 of the Narcissist
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  Code. So welcome back, welcome back,
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  Welcome back, folks. Yes, yes, yes.
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  So you get a lot of people that are dealing with narcissistic
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  people out there that say this phrase, They'll say the phrase,
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  well, I'm, I feel like I'm dealing with a toddler.
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  I feel like I'm dealing with a toddler in a in an adult body.
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  I feel like the narcissistic person that I'm dealing with
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  never grows up. I feel like I'm dealing with an
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  adolescent, a mean teenager or something like that.
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  Yeah. Yo, it's true.
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  Because Arrested Development does happen in a lot of
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  narcissistic people, you know? And if you don't know what
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  Arrested Development is, it means you get stuck at a certain
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  emotional age, Like, not physical age, not mental age.
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  Because you like narcissists can grow up and you know, be
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  educated people, be smart people, be rocket scientists and
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  super successful and super, super smart, you know, But
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  emotionally they you, like I said in physical age, they can
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  be like 4550, sixty, 7070 years old, right?
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  But then you'll have, like I said, they'll have the emotional
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  age of like an 819 year old. They'll be the emotional
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  teenager. You know, they'll be a physical
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  grandpa or grandma or grandparent and have the
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  emotional age of an 8 year old. That happens all the time.
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  Y'all because a lot of narcissists, they they
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  experience some type of trauma in their youth or in their
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  childhood that makes them stop growing emotionally.
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  It doesn't make them stop growing physically.
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  They still, like I said, they can still be educated, be super
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  smart people, but they have the emotional age of a young person.
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  Like they will always feel like they're they.
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  You have to talk down to them emotionally.
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  You can tell, you can, you can have an educated conversation
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  with this person sometimes, but you have to talk down to them.
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  We are trying to explain your emotions or how you feel or how
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  they made you feel, you know, or what's going on in this current
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  situation or how we're dealing with things right now.
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  You have to talk down to them and whatnot.
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  This is part of the dynamic or this is part of this space.
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  This is part of how it goes right here.
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  You know, this is the mentality. This is the mindset that a lot
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  of narcissists and toxic people experience right here.
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  This is how this is just how it happens.
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  I promise you, this is just how it happens.
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  So if you're dealing with a narcissist that'll toxic person
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  like, well, Lee, how do I get them to grow up?
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  Yeah, you cannot. Look, they have to go to therapy
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  to work on themselves, to have those emotional birthdays,
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  Although they might, they probably would never catch up to
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  their physical age. They can grow up emotionally.
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  If they go to some intense psychotherapy, they're committed
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  to it. Or you'll just be dealing with
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  this and you can tell you and y'all know exactly what I'm
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  talking about. When you deal with the
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  narcissist, like rage and silent treatment are childish
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  responses. They don't seem like childish
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  responses because they're coming from an adult, you know, but
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  they're childish responses. Narcissistic rage is pretty much
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  the adult version of a temper tantrum.
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  You know when you get a 7 or 8 year old, that doesn't get their
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  way. They get mad, they get super
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  angry, they might start throwing stuff and just you know, that's
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  what the narcissistic grade is. Except you.
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  You're older, you're stronger, you can, you can damage more
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  things, you can damage the person that is making you angry
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  or whatever. The person that you're blaming
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  for how you're feeling is really the adult narcissistic grade,
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  just literally the adult, you know, adult version of a temper
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  tantrum. They'll get mad and start
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  swinging their arms. I'm going crazy.
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  You know? As an adult, as a kid, they do
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  it. You, you just brush it off as a
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  kid, but as an adult you can't brush it off because that person
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  can harm you. They're swinging their arms and
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  punching stuff and trying to hit you and chasing you.
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  You know the silent treatment is a childish response.
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  Think about it's an emotionally childish response.
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  Instead of trying to, instead of trying to work out the actual
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  issues or deal with things that are actually going on or
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  processing things that are actually going on, they shut
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  down and just refuse to speak to you.
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  They ignore the issue. This child is just basically
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  like basically like a little 7-8 year old going in the going in
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  the corner, putting their hands in their ears and ignoring you.
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  You know, maybe a little bit younger, 5-6 years old do this,
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  you know, they just ignore you, you know Quincy's no star trees.
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  Remember from number number Quincy no star trees.
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  You can't double stamp, double stamp.
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  You can't double stamp, double stamp.
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  You can't double stamp, double stamp number number.
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  Y'all 1994. Y'all that movie came out in
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  1994. What, 3030?
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  Whoa, 30 years. Never came out 30 years ago.
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  What the? What the hell?
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  That is wild to me. But yeah, you can't get them to
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  grow up. Y'all.
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  If you are trying to plan on staying in a relationship with a
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  narcissist or trying to have to communicate with one, you have
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  to dumb down your emotional language.
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  I don't know, it sounds silly, but you're like, you have to act
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  like you're talking to a you know, see, see this narcissistic
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  person, right? Look at them.
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  But imagine them as an 8 year old.
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  They're still 35, but imagine them as an 8 year old.
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  Look, you're hurt like you screaming.
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  Screaming hurts. Johnny, you know.
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  Yes, Papa. Johnny.
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  Johnny. Yes, Papa.
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  Eating sugar. You see what I'm saying?
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  That's the that's the that's the process that a lot of
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  narcissistic people go through right there.
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  You know, it really, really is. So that's why I try to tell
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  people if you're dealing with a narcissist, toxic person or
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  whoever, you have to dumb down the way you speak to them
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  because they'll never grow up. They still have childish hobbies
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  a lot of times like, and this is true for a lot of narcissist as
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  well, their inner child is trying to live through their
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  adult body, their neglected. A narcissist neglected inner
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  child is trying to live through their adult body.
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  So that's why you see sometimes they're doing things like kids
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  do. You see what I'm saying?
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  That's why you get something. This is me being realistic as
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  well. You get some narcissist, right?
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  Some older narcissistic people, they go for younger people
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  because they have, they're the same emotional age.
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  They feel like this person is closer to the emotional age than
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  I am. You get a 45 year old narcissist
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  going for an 18 year old. Oh, we, I know we have 27 years
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  difference in age, but we think the same.
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  Why? Because they're emotionally
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  stunted. You see what I'm saying?
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  This is how they feel. This person is emotionally on
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  the same level as me. We think the same.
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  We feel the same emotionally. We don't have anything else in
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  common. I got a mortgage and a four O
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  1K. They just look, they just
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  they're applying for college. You see what I'm saying?
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  There's a space that a lot of narcissistic people fall into
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  right there. That's why I'm just saying like
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  they have to there. If you think about it, y'all
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  from a different perspective, a narcissist inner, a narcissist
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  neglected inner child is really living through their adult body.
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  That's what happens with me in my space.
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  You know, when you see narcissist respond in a childish
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  way, that's their inner child. They maybe never got to do the
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  things that they wanted to do, but now they can.
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  Right now there's some control. So now they're inner.
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  Like, back in the day, the inner child used to get stifled and
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  whatnot, right? The inner child used to get
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  stifled out, used to get, you know, couldn't, couldn't express
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  themselves in a healthy way, right?
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  But now they may not in a healthy way.
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  They couldn't express themselves in any way, but now they can.
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  Now they have the ability to express themselves and be free
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  and be open and whatnot. So now they have that ability to
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  do that. That happens quite a bit in
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  these spaces. So where they used to, could not
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  do anything, now they can. It's like, oh, I used to
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  couldn't do this, but now I can. Now I'm being able to do this
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  right here. Now I'm being able to move
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  forward. Now I'm being able to live my
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  life the way I want to live my life.
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  Yeah, because I couldn't do this as a child.
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  But guess what? I'm free now.
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  I can absolutely do this as an adult.
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  I'm super free right now. So this happens quite a bit to
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  people. Y'all.
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  So if you're dealing with a narcissistic person, toxic
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  person, this happens quite a bit, you know?
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  And then I said they have to repair themselves, they have to
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  go to, they have to go to therapy.
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  They can't do it on their own. I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm
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  going to prey on it and let God guide me.
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  Y'all, unless God guides them to therapy, this is who you're
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  going to be dealing with. And again, I'm not telling y'all
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  to leave your relationship. I'm just providing the
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  information necessary for you to, like, make it a conscious
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  decision. Like, ask yourself right here if
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  nothing. And this is how you can tell
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  that you can survive in a in a relationship right here.
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  This is one of the this is one of the keys to tell that you can
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  survive, right? If nothing were to change in
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  your relationship right now. Nothing.
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  Absolutely nothing. The behaviors didn't change.
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  The way they talk to you didn't change.
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  The way they treat you didn't change.
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  If nothing changes in this relationship five years from
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  now, would you still be happy? Or would you feel like If you
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  feel like you're already losing yourself through the behaviors
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  and the way you're being treated right now, you're not going to
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  be in a better place five years from now?
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  How would you? You see, I know you can work on
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  yourself and be maybe be in a better place financially and
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  mentally because you're going to therapy, but you're still
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  becoming home to this. You'll still be dealing with
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  this Again, I'm not telling you how to leave.
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  I'm just telling you. Ask yourself these questions
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  right here. If nothing changes, would I
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  still be happy with my life right now?
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  If nothing worth a change. Ask yourself that question right
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  there. That's a that's a serious
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  question. You got to ask yourself, you
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  know, think about it. Ask yourself this question right
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  here. Because that's the mindset,
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  that's the dynamic, that's the space that a lot of people fall
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  into. So if nothing were to change
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  right now, would you be happy if they didn't?
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  If they never actually grew up, which they probably won't if
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  they never grew up, would you be OK with who they are?
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  Would you be OK with who they are right now?
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  Would you be OK with living your life the way that you live your
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  life right now? Would everything be fine?
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  That's what I have to ask people.
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  Would everything be fine if you had to live your life the way
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  you live in your life right now? Because that narcissistic person
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  will probably never grow up. Especially if they're not
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  putting in any type of work to grow up.
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  Especially if this is who they if they have grown into a if
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  they fall into some type of comfort zone, then yeah, this is
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  who you'll be dealing with for the rest of your days.
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  If you look, if you're OK with that.
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  Y'all look, this is your life. You know, love wins and whatnot.
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  Yeah, if you haven't already, make sure you subscribe to my
• 10:35
  newsletter. My video series about
• 10:37
  understanding narcissistic abuse from the perspective of a
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  narcissist is coming out pretty soon.
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  Everything's already uploaded. I'm going to send out an e-mail
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  next week with everything. It's a very in depth series, The
• 10:48
  Seven Stages of Narcissistic abuse from the perspective of a
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  Narcissist. Make sure you subscribe to this
• 10:54
  channel as well. I'm out.
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  Peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. You are a mental illness
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  Rockstar and I appreciate you for being here.
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  If you haven't already, make sure to click on the screen to
• 11:04
  subscribe to the channel and watch another one of my videos
• 11:07
  on my playlist. There's also a link available up
• 11:09
  here for you to purchase my kids.
• 11:11
  But remember, it's not your fault on Amazon, so check that
• 11:15
  out. Thank you.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.