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Why Insight Doesn’t Change You (And What Actually Does) · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast, the Enneagram for Real Life.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Here is where you'll find conversations where faith meets story and strategy for lasting transformation.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Amy Wicks, here to help you find wisdom and wholehearted rhythms for moments that matter most.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Whether you're learning your type or deepening your spiritual formation, these conversations will remind you that the Enneagram shines a light, that Christ is the transformation.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: I want to start this conversation with you, sharing a story that has shaped more of my life than I certainly realized at the time, and I even care to realize now.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: And that is, I was put on my first diet when I was eight years old.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: And from that point on, throughout my teens and well into my 30s, I lived inside a dieting culture.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: It was low calorie, low fat, then there was low carb.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Then you needed to do more cardio.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Cardio at higher intensity.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, wait, you need to lift first and then do cardio.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no, no, cardio first, then lift.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: And then there is the eat every two hours.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: And now it's stop eating every two hours and fast for 15 hours or more.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: Have you heard a few of these ideas before?
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I heard them all.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: So if there was a new strategy, I tried it.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: If there was a new rule, I worked really hard to follow it.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: And if there was a promise that this idea would finally work, I leaned in.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: And to be clear, some of the ideas did work.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: There were chapters of my life and seasons where my body changed dramatically.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: I did my best to be disciplined.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: I trained for marathons.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: I even completed a couple of Ironmans.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: And by most external standards, I was quote unquote healthy.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: But here is what I see now as I get closer to 50 that I couldn't see then.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: And that is I wasn't being formed into a healthier me.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: I was just being managed.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I was just managing really hard.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: My health and those disciplines depended on intensity, margin, and the ideal perfect conditions.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: It required constant diligence.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: And most of these habits, well, it didn't leave much room for real life, for the changing seasons, for injuries, having several kids, lots of limitations, and plenty of change.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Here is what I've learned over time.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it isn't built through extreme strategies.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's built through long obedience in the same direction.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's through steady, guided, sustainable practices that can truly live and breathe and be done inside real life.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: I am definitely stronger now, 25 plus years since I've done my Iron Man than I was back then.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: I believe I'm healthier in my core, even not because I'm doing more or I could do an Iron Man again, but because what I'm doing right now, my daily rhythms, can be carried over time.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: They're sustainable and repeatable.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: And that realization has truly changed how I understand and even interpret growth, not only in my body, but in my faith and my stories.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Here's why it matters so much to me now, or is even more apparent, really, because the past 14 months, I have been living with a back injury.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's constant.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: I can't run.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: I am not able to do the cardio.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm certainly not able to do the lifting routines that I once relied on, that my habits and disciplines were dependent on.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: So many of the practices that once defined my quote-unquote healthy life are just simply off the table.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: And yet, this is what has surprised me.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't lost my core health.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: I have not spiraled into hyper control, praise be to God, and I haven't lived in hyper-viligence or fear of backsliding.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because what sustains me now isn't a routine or hardcore routine.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's something that was formed over time.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: Healthy, wholehearted rhythms.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Health is truly no longer performative for me.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about proving discipline or chasing a specific outcome, like the number on the scale or the size of my genes.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's really about practices that live inside real life, even if there's injury limits, change, and all the things.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: So here's what has become unmistakably clear to me and what I want to offer to you.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Transformation that depends on intensity will always struggle to survive real life.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: But transformation that has been formed can bend without breaking or breaking you.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: This is where you may have gotten stuck before.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Not because you lack insight, but because insight was never meant to carry the weight of change on its own.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: Insight is powerful.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, this is what the Enneagram gives us.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: It can wake you up, it can motivate you, and it can even spark real movement.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: But insight alone is momentary.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: A wholehearted life, it's a long obedience in the same direction.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: Most insight-based change, the kind of insight that you see pop up on Instagram or those viral books, even, it all depends on motivation, your energy, the margin you have, ideal, perfect conditions.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: And as I've mentioned before, you and I know real life really offers those consistently.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's why I hear often from my clients and from you here in the whole hearted community that you feel like you should know what to do, or that you know what to do, why isn't there change?
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Or that you've had clarity before, why isn't it sticking?
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: Or you've had breakthroughs, why am I not living in it?
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: I want to speak this truth to you.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: You haven't failed.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not that the insights weren't true.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: You likely experienced some change.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: It just wasn't sustaining change.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what I've learned both personally and through the years of coaching so many women and men like you.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: You and I were not taught how to stay with your story or noticing and gathering patterns over time.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: You weren't taught to integrate change into the changing and evolving seasons and chapters of life.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: And you weren't encouraged to let wisdom accumulate slowly.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: You were likely taught to fix and fix fast, to optimize, to apply the next strategy, go, go, go.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: But I'll say it again: lasting spiritual formation just doesn't work that way.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: It can only happen when change and rhythms are repeated, interpreted, or witnessed by others in a safe place and practice inside real life.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: And without that, the insights that you get, they will likely fade.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: And not because they're wrong, but because they were not given a place to live, to breathe, to be tried over a long time.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: The reason I think having this conversation with you is so important is because you may have felt yourself hesitant to hope.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you have hoped before, but hoping again, it feels too risky because you had insight that didn't stick, you have tried change before, and you're just tired and skeptical of the big promises or dramatic breakthroughs you keep hearing about.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's worth saying that your skepticism doesn't merely indicate that you're being resistant or you are resistant.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: I just think it's an indicator that you need to take a little bit more time to ask some more questions.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: You've probably learned, likely painfully, that big promises or quick fixes without the deep formation, they aren't going to last, right?
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: So your system, your body is probably literally protecting you.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna say something that might be contrary to popular belief.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that is, don't be so quick to override that skepticism.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, I want to invite you to notice it and to pay attention.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to ask questions like, what systems, messages, or promises have failed me in the past?
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: What did I try that left me more tired than formed?
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: And what do I want to be different this time?
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: These questions are really important.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then I have one more that will likely move you a little bit closer to wisdom or a wise decision.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: And that is, what would wisdom say here?
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: As in, what would the people you trust, the ones who are faithfully walking that long obedience in the same direction, what would those people say?
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: How would they counsel you?
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: They're the ones who understand what it looks like to be steadily transformed, not through the quick fixes, but through wholehearted formation, wholehearted rhythms that truly last.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: Wisdom does learn how not to rush through or push past.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: It learns how to watch, to wait, and to ask better questions.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: So if lasting transformation requires more than just good ideas or quick fixes or an insight, then you need a way to stay with your story long enough for wisdom to take root.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: You need a way to notice what keeps repeating, what no longer fits in this chapter of life, where you've grown, where you're maybe a little bit resistant, and where God might be forming something deeper in you than you expected.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: This comes from learning how to listen to your story over time, with a lot of patience, with godly guidance, and with loads of grace.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why the conversations that I want to have with you matter so much to me.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: Not because you need another framework, but because you need a way to walk with what you already know, what you know about yourself and what you've heard before.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want you to manufacture hope for this new chapter of life or this next season of your life.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want you to experience just another quick surge of motivation.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't want you to even think that you have to fix yourself.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: I just want to invite you to wholehearted practices and rhythms and even community that will help you stay in your story and allow wisdom to grow, to experience sturdy change, and even to maybe help you turn the page to the next chapter.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm excited because the next several episodes of this podcast is going to offer you some more language and a very simple map for how story, wisdom, and transformation actually blend together.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: Again, I'm not going to tell you a quick fix, but it will be a helpful and faithful way forward.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: Before you move on to the next thing, I want to invite you to a simple practice, just as a way to pause.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: You might want to write this down, or if you're driving, just let yourself sit with it for a moment before turning on the next episode.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself, where have I relied on intensity to change something that actually needs slow formation?
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want you to rush to answer.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: Just notice what comes up right away.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: Next, ask yourself, what is one steady, sustainable rhythm that could live inside my real life right now?
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: Not my ideal one.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: And finally, who or what might help me stay with this process long enough for wisdom to form?
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to come up with the three answers to the question.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: You don't even need a plan of what you need to do for the next three months.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: I just want you to notice, to pay attention, what came up first, and to let yourself consider what is the next right step for you.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking for some specific rhythms or practices, you can always go back to the whole-hearted rhythm series that I did at the beginning of this year.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: And they're great ideas with lots of grace, lots of tried and true wisdom, and simple ideas that you can allow to live in your real life.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: As you and I finish this conversation, I want to leave you with these truths.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: And that is you don't need to look for another big breakthrough.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: You don't even need to push harder.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I certainly don't want you to force hope.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, may you release what requires intensity to survive and choose what can be carried sustainably over time.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: May wisdom meet you in your questions.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: Deep spiritual formation steady you in the middle of the storms.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: And grace, well, that grace would give you the patience to stay in and through it all.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that as you continue this wholehearted journey with me, that you'll discover that lasting change is not something you achieve or even arrive at.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: One faithful, wholehearted step at a time.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks so much for joining me for the Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: If this conversation spoke to you, please share it with a friend.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: You can also visit simply wholehearted.com to take the free Enneagram quiz and also get your personalized podcast playlist specific for your Enneagram type.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, friend, your starting point doesn't have to be your stuff point.