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BONUS: Gentle Parenting A Fearless Kid · Untraditionally Lala

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hello, My Loves, welcome back to give them La La
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: podcast bonus episode.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: I don't think I have a lot to say on
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: this one. What do you mean?
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Yes? You do?
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: You have?
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: So you guys, Today's bonus episode on on the on
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: the High that I'm on after interviewing Rudy Reyes and
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Billy Billingham.
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: Billingham Billingham, Billy Billingham, he kind.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: Of said it like Billingham, but then I want to
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: go by Lauren Bumingham.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: We just need to be from well, I.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: Think our family, uh it has some uksh stuff happening.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: But Billy and Rudy were on the podcast regular episode
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: last week from Special Forces, and I just I had
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: I thought about their background and they come from the military,
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: and I'm like, I wonder because they're both parents, how
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: that background translates into the home life with when the
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: kids act up?
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: What do we do?
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: And Billy without even skippy, but he's like to strict
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, that's so interesting, like tell
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: me some stories and he was so funny. If you
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: guys haven't listened to that episode, go back listen to
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: Wednesday's episode with Billy and Rudy because I die but
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: it got me thinking, like, there's this huge conversation about
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: like gentle parenting, that's the new thing you look at
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: certain tiktoks. Is that still a thing? By the way, Yeah,
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: the TikTok.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: It was only for like twelve hours.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I know because everyone was up in arms about it,
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: which totally fine.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: I get it because a lot of people that's where
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: I learn everything, right.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: I came from a place of like, oh my gosh,
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: people who have worked years to you know, gain a
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: following and really conquered the art of their their content
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: and their brand. Not have being that anymore takes away
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: from how they pay their bills and that was heartbreaking.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: But I didn't consume any content from TikTok, like literally nothing.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: I got it with all the the old bags three
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: weeks later on reels.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: Oh the reels are just not it.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: And I would comment a repost and people would be
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: like this was like last month. I'm like, well, still good,
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: why is it on my page now? Oh? My for
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: you pages but also lives under a rock.
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah no, but I am glad TikTok is back, just
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: for everybody with like TikTok shops and that we're making livings.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: Of course, that's the one thing that I was like, damn.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: Yes, I So I'm happy for everybody that the TikTok
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: is back in talking. But a lot of people go
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: to TikTok to consume this, Like, I don't know if
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: it's a new way of parenting or if it's just
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: kind of in my realm of things now because I'm
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: a parent. But gentle parenting is a huge thing now
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: and people go back and forth on it. They're like, no, oh,
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: gentle parenting is fucking bs. It's how you get hustled
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: by your kid. You got to practice consequences. And I'm
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: sitting here feeling like I'm being torn back and forth
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: because we've spoken about it on the podcast a lot.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: What type of parent your child needs? Like you really
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: have to kind of gauge, Okay, my child requires this
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: set of parenting tools, and I really don't think it's
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: a one size fits all no. So I asked my friends,
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: how are you guys parenting? I want the details? Uh
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: so for you Easton to say that this doesn't apply
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: to you, you.
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: Have to No, I disciplined, but if it gets too bad,
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: I just goa where are you this kid is fucking
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: me up. But no, usually she like I said, she's
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: an old soul. This is not her first time on
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: this planet.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: She listens like with.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: This, she's got wise eyes.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: She's got wise eyes.
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: But even when she like when I discipline her, because
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: my disciplining is give me my phone back, or it's
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: don't stick your tongue out, let's go sit down, or
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: I'll say why did you do that, and then she'll
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: just say I'm sorry, And then I just say, so,
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: let's just practice on not doing that and not saying sorry.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: Right, I'm a.
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: Gentle parent because it's not mine.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: So I feel, well, obviously no one's laying a hand
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: on any of the kids. Well right, no, but like yeah,
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: I'll like, you mean, get like putting the foot down, putting.
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: The foot down, saying come here, sit in this chair.
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: You're in time out for a minute.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: I don't like what you did.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: You know, I've taken out the word time out because
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: she doesn't respond well to time out. So I feel
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: like I don't want to say that I'm a gentle
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: parent or strict. I don't even want to say that
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: I practice a combination because my parenting and actually Ocean
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: really likes. This is when she does something I actually
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: do role reversal. So I say to her, watch mom,
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: and then we'll she'll be talking. I say, pretend like
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: your mom and you're in a conversation right now, for example,
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: we're trying to learn to not be like mom, mom, mom,
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: when we're when an adult is talking, yes, we say
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: excuse me, and then we work off of that. Right,
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: So I say, you start talking, So she'll pretend like
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: she's in a conversation. I'll say mom, and I'll tap
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: on her and she'll say what She'll ask me you
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: didn't say excuse me, or she'll tell me. So then
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: we'll re enact and I'll say excuse me, and she'll say,
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: hold on, I'm talking. She goes back to what she
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: was doing, and then she turns to me, what did
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: you need? So the role reversal is actually working pretty well.
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: She's like, because she's been nothing but an angel.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: But they go through phases. There's a lot of people
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: on here that are like, I had it conquered and
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: then puberty hit.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: Oh god, I don't even want to think that far ahead.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: You and me both, I can't even go there. It
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: gives no. At least I don't have boys, I don't
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: need to worry about not keeping socks in their room.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: It was hard harden socks.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: And at least I don't do the laundry. I don't
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: have to think about it. I know, but I don't
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: have boys, so I don't have to worry about it
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: right now.
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: She just cleaning skid marks from your kid, Easton.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: Don't out her like that.
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: I have to.
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: She's an angel leaving skid marks where she goes well.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: Between the haircut and.
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: The skin marks, she is flood.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: You guys. Ocean cut her hair better than I cut
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: her hair, by the way, with nail scissors, my kid.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: I feel so horrible, But she thinks she looks popping,
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: and that's all that matters.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: It really is.
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: She comes out and she thinks she looks like she does,
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: look like a million bucks.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: If you didn't see my Instagram story a couple of
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: weeks ago, I accidentally gave her bowl cut banks I
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: parted the hair, I took him a little too far
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: over and just swiped him clean.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you should have given her a little help, like
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: around the eyebrow.
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: It's called framing of the face. But I'm not a hairstylist.
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: Mm hm, So I don't know about it.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: But you know, no one has confidence like Ocean Kent.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: You can't tell that girl nothing. She is all about
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: I look pretty in her mind. Her hair is down
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: to her ass.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, and she's.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: Got a constant Beyonce fan moment going is in her mind.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: What's happening?
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: And I love it every time she does it. Blow
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: that fan on me.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: And she's really into this thing, you guys. She goes
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: like this. I'm like, where did you learn this? What
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: are you watching on YouTube? Kids?
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: Maybe I e I maybe did it to her once
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: or twice.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: Because I'll go hey and then I'll leave, and then
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: I'll walk outside.
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: I go ow hey, and then I leave. And I
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: think that's where she got it from.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: That's exactly where she got it from. Okay, So this
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: person wrote gentle parenting is nice, but these kids will
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: play you sometimes gotta be tough. I agree you guys
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: the gentle parenting. Have you seen the TikTok? Actually, I
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: have consumed something on TikTok and I think you showed me.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: It's parents that are like on the floor and they're like, listen,
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: we're gonna talk through this, We're gonna do this, and
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: then the kid like hits them again. They're like, Sammy,
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: we're not gonna hit What are you feeling right now?
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: He does it again. Finally the parents like.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: What the fuck fuck in your fucking room?
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: And the kids like this and finally stops hitting.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: No, sometimes you gotta you gotta strike fear at them.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: I fully agree. I still subscribe to instill fear because
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: it is it is simply survival for parents.
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: No, yeah, take the little wins as you can. You
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: know what.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: I actually, when I was talking to Billy and Rudy,
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: it was like one of very few times in this
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: thing that I've you know, been doing called parenting where
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: I've thought, wow, I And it's not that I didn't
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: factor this in, but I factored it before my human
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: was human, right it, Sosa was just a thought. And
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: we won't even go there with the Father of Ocean.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: Let's just stick to Sosa. I'm like, there's gonna be
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: a time where she comes into her own and I'm
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: the sole disciplinarian or Gigi, but I'm the parent. I'm
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: the only person that they're gonna know as the parent,
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: And sometimes it does help when I think back on childhood,
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: to have your dad step in on mom's behalf and
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: give you the look and the snap of the fingers
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: and the point in the face when you knew, oh shit,
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: no one's plan anymore. Like mom has tapped in the
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: big guns.
• 9:43
  Speaker 3: When mom, like very rarely did we ever get in trouble,
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: But there were times where like Mom would be yelling
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: at me and it was keep yelling out and get
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: over it.
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: I'd go into my room.
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: When Dad would come in and just sit on the bed,
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: didn't say anything, set and like the calmest voice, and.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: That was terrifying. Yeah, but it was just that.
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: But yeah, I think you will. I think you'll have
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: that being the soul you'll carry.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: That, you know, that's my hope. I mean, I do
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: know that times with Ocean, when Mom is disciplining her,
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: I will hear her downstairs and I'll start coming and
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: she goes up, you're in trouble, You're your mom's coming,
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: And that's when Ocean kind of straightens up. I was
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: just pretending to be mean. I was acting. I was
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: pretending to be mean.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: She likes to do that a lot.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: I was just pretending to hit.
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm like, no, or pretending I was just pretending
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: to pour water.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: Well, no, there's real water in there, so you weren't pretending.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: You're going to need to learn how to read so
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: I can give you a dictionary what that word means,
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: because you quite literally poured the water. No, I You're right,
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: I will. I think I'll be able as time goes
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: on to really conquer the art of the look and
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: the subtle sit down.
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: I'm how scary to be yelled at by you, and
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: then after five minutes you walk in calmly and then
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: do it again, but in a call manner. They're gonna
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: be like, oh god, I got two versions of this woman.
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: Now I'm scared of both.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: Oh that just made me feel super powerful. This woman
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: says firm but kind. Okay. So I'm picturing it like this,
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: like if someone if your kid hits you, you're like, Johnny,
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: don't hit me. And then if he does it again,
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: you're being gentle still, but maybe a threat comes in
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: you hit me, I will hit you back, and my.
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: Hit is harder. I say that sometimes. I said that
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: to Ocean because she hit me and I go Ocean,
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: hit me again, and I'll hit you, and I hit
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: way harder than you.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: You know what, there the amount of people on here
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: that said I threaten a lot.
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: No, that's what it is.
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: Sometimes she does shit, I'll black out and be threatening her.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: No. Here's the thing, though, I can't threaten Ocean anymore
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: because she knows now that I'm bluffing, because I've never
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: followed through.
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we bluffed with hot sauce, Like, yeah, the hot sauce.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: The hot sauce. She said something to my ex on
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: the phone the other day and he was like, you
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: know what happens if you say that, you get soap
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: in the mouth. She goes that never happens. I was like, oh,
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: she knows, all right, it never happens.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: Someone's got to be an example between you two, to
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: show you guys mean business.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: You know what we do now, John is She's past
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: the saying naughty words like now her friends, like one
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: of the mom friends will be like, oh, Elizabeth, by
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: the way, I'm making this name up. Elizabeth said fuck
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: last night, and I'm like that was so a year
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: and a half ago, Like, we're so far past that.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: But what we used to do was if East cussed.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: We would show Ocean. We would say, Easton, you are
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: in big trouble. You're getting your mouth washed out with
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: silk or hot sauce. Which do you want? Of course
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: he choose hot sauce and we would put it in
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: his mouth, so she saw first hand like.
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: My uncle yeah and that yeah, and it could.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: Be me next yeah.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: But then it turned into just her wanting you to
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: say bad words so she could put hot sauce.
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: In your say fuck, she's smart.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: I did not say fuck, mom. I never say the
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: fuck word right now.
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: And she's turned into a rat.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: I'd called her that the other day.
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, she's a rat.
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: She we were up in my room and she said
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: that I can't even remember what was going on. And
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: she goes, I'm gonna go tell my mom.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: I go perfect, go rat, rat, And she goes, I'm
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: not a rat. You're a rat. You're a big, ugly rat.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I think she'd we need to explain to
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: her what that means, the being a rat. And I
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: told her snitches get stitches, babe, you know what that means.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: No, Wow, fuck around and find out because I hit
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: pretty hard.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: But no one hits anybody let's be very freaking clear,
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: both meet them at their level and firm inconsequences. I
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: like this, and I do find that getting to eye
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: level with your kid is actually golden. When you're above,
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: they don't nothing, they don't feel anything. It's like you
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: have to get down to eye level with them. Although
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: I did make myself scary the other day for her,
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: I was like, you want to do that again, Get big,
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: compare yourself big.
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: Is that what you do with bears? Get big? Yeah?
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: I also taught her to do that with coyotes. I
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: do instill a lot of fear. I should stop, but
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: she was like, there's a coyote out there. They were
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: so sweet. We talked to them, and I was like,
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: just so you know, if we didn't have big dogs,
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: that coyote would literally jump the fence. Oh yeah, and
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: haul the dog away. And I go, and you're also,
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: if we left so so out there, it would eat
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: Sosa juice. Would it eat me? I said, there is
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: a video of a laughter. I said, there is a video.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: How does she step out of the house.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: That's why I have to instill fear because there is none. Okay,
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: so I'm balancing her. I'm giving her balance. Okay, if
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: she were a fearful child, I wouldn't have an issue.
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: She's got no fear. I said, a coyote did grab
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: a toddler about your size and try to run away
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: with it? And she goes, oh my gosh. I go,
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: it's no big deal. But when you see a coyote,
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: just know, make yourself big. And so she now knows
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: she was out there and someone was walking their dog
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: without a least she thought it was a coyote. She
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: was making herself.
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: Big just walking.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, very funny.
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: I do like what Billy said though about the parenting.
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: Got you gotta let them be a little.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: Cheeky, Yes, yeah, like let them be kids. You're gonna know.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: I there are certain parents who they're very into having
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: a like mad structure already at this age. And sometimes
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: it does get to me where I'm like, oh my gosh,
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: do I need to be like that with Ocean. But
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: then I weigh it out and I'm like, my daughter,
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: I'm going to know when it's time to apply the pressure.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: When I know, like, okay, we're getting to this age
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: where she's got to have more discipline. Things are going
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: to start mattering and I don't mean like let her
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: walk all over people, That's not what I'm saying. But
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: she's got to live life. She's got to be a kid.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: We spend more time as adults than we do as kids.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: So if she, you know, doesn't know how to color
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: inside the lines yet, or she wants to take classes
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: where it's not so hardcore, I'm going to allow her
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: to be a child. Yes, And when she gets a
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: little older and she wants to go doorbell ditching or
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: I guess ring ditching now won't be fun. Do they
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: have a ring camera?
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: So for those of you people, I'll just give the
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: mom the heads up and be like, my kid wants
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: to ring ditch, you can you just like not like
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: just answer the door, don't come through on the intercom.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: It's like rayshe yo, just like let it happen.
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah, let the feed into the kids, let them be cheeky.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there's enough room for structure later, right, not tough,
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: not gentle, A good mix, A lot of good mixes.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: But again, I just don't think it's one size fits
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: all and whether and I know I worded the Instagram
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: posts where it's like, are we gentle parenting? Are we
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: more strict. I got that, but honest to god, I
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: want to have a like a specialist on here where
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: they talk about the tools that can be used because
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: the combination thing, it's like, I got it. Like no
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: one's either you know, beating their kid or talking to
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: them like this, Like I know that it's not that extreme,
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: but tools that you're like, wow, I find this to
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: be very effective when parenting.
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, but it's just crazy because Ocean.
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: You know, there are times where the gentle works because
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: she's in that mindset, and these other times where I
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: have to be a little more firm because that is
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: now her mindset.
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: So it's just very difficult.
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: I mean, I think that's what I'm getting from everybody
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: saying like gentle parenting.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: Is going into depending on if they're in a blind rage,
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: having a melt down.
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: There's things where like Ocean will be doing things that
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: like she shouldn't be doing and it's not like I
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: have to be firm.
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: I just have to Ocean, we're not doing that. You
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: want to stop.
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: There's times where she'll be doing something like jumping on
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: the couch and I'll tell her to stop, and she'll
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: keep doing it.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: And that's why I say, if you keep jumping on
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: the couch, you're gonna fall off, You're gonna hit your head,
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: and you may die more.
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: Fear more, fear this poor fucking kid.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: You know what I do do when she she doesn't
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: have those like blind rage meltdowns anymore, but remember when
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: she went through that phase. Yes, what I would do
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: is I would go in her room with her and
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: turn off the light and make it dark to take
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: her out of what she was feeling inside.
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: And then her outside no.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: And letting her know like I'm here, you need to
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: calm down, and then she would get she It almost
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: like leveled her out of bed, took her out of
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: her own mind to what was what was actually happening. Okay,
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: I'm now not going in a loop, but I'm by myself.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: I can hear my mom's voice and I know that
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: it's dark, So what am I gonna do. I'm gonna
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: look for to hear my mom's voice for comfort instead
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: of the loop that she was on.
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: And putting them in that black like in a dark
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: room even takes that visual away, right that like who
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: knows if they were seeing something that was making them
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: act a certainly like.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: Whatever it may be, reset, but that did help her
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: where it was like, listen to me, we have to
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: calm down. Okay, mom, are we calm Yeah, let's talk
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: about it. Turn the light on where it worre. She's
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: now in my arms because she's terrified.
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: Some more frightening.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: Don't make me feel guilty. Oh my gosh. Combo of
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: tough and gentle timeouts and count to three? How do
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: you feel about the counting to three? Easton? I know
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: you have thoughts on counting to three? Does it work?
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: Does it not? With your not children?
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: I love a count to three.
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: Depends on her, depends on the moon.
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it depends on what day it is for.
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: But like yeah, sometimes I'll go, hey, come here, and
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: she won't and I'll go one, two, and right when
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: she hears two, she gets to moving.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah for real's yeah, no, I think, yeah, she she
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: knows it's we're about our business now as a scene.
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: You know what else I do? I remind her of
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: all of the things that she gets to do when
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: she's nice.
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: Do you remember when you were nice yesterday?
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: Yes?
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: What did you get to do yesterday? I got to
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: go to Candyland and I got a cupcake. And do
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: you know why you got to do that? Because I
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: was nice? Yes, I want you to have a good
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: day today. If you want to act out and you
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: want to be disrespectful, we don't get to do fun
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: things because mommy has to teach you to be a
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: nice person out in the real world. Yeah, you can't
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: be saying go away. Yeah, in the real world, they
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: love a good spit out of the tongue, and I
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: love how they think they've got you in the go Oh.
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: It doesn't hurt. No, it fucking crushes me.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: As a single as a single mom, all of the above.
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: It just depends on the situations. Exactly what you were saying.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: I see that woman though, yeah.
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: And I hope that she's in a good situation right.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: Now because there's no tapp in. You're like discipline and
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: you're like, wow, I could really use a drink, But
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: since I can't have a drink, I need to tap
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: into an AA meeting. But I also can't do that
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: because who am I gonna.
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: Leave you with? Fuck.
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: I have never I have never related more to a
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: commercial than the mom who locked herself in the bathroom,
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: sat on the floor against the tub and ate a
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: whole bag of milano. I was like when I used
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: to watch that, I was like, I don't get it
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: now that I'm a mom. The amount of times that
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: I lock my door and sit on the floor in
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: the bathroom, it's a lot.
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: It's up.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: Many times.
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: I'll go to the bathroom, close the whole thing and
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: just sit on top of the toilet and just breathe
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: and just say thank God.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: I will pretend like I have chronic diarrhea just.
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: To get five fucking the one thing.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: Should that be a trigger warning?
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: There was a comedian and I never got it until now,
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: and he was like, you know that that slow walk
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: around your car to your.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: Door after you buckle them.
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, He's like, I never thought that I would live
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: for those quiet moment walks to my own door and
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: he goes, right when you open it and shut it,
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: you're just back in hell.
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: And he goes. And I got a three year old
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: and they're talking all the time. I know, and so
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: is Ocean.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: I know my mom's you're not listening to her. I'm like, what,
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: I completely zoned out. And she's like, she asked you
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: a question. I was like, and I've answered it fifteen.
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: She's asked me fifty five in the last two minutes.
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: I'm doing well here, right, listen to it.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: They may need both tough at first, then circle back
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: around with love. Love that my son is almost three
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: and starting to push to test his boundaries, so needing
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: to be a bit tougher. I so know just that
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: feeling that's three.
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: I feel like that is the age where you have to.
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: Dismiss the gentle parenting a little bit more because that's
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: see how much starting to get structure.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, and I remember a year and a half
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: was like the sweet spot with Ocean. She was like
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: so sweet and cute. Once we hit like two two
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: and a half, it was like, Okay, the boundaries are
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: being tested. Terrible twos is a real thing. Then you
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: realize you get into the age of three. No one
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: warned you that they call it. I think it's a
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: threeteen threeteen instead of like thirteen threeteen where they start
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: getting like a little.
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: Bit moody and they're getting a personality bitchy. Their personality
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: is coming through and.
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: You're like, I don't fucking like it.
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: Testing the boundaries so godspeed, May God be with you
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: a blend. The key is communication, accountability when you get
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: it wrong, because we aren't perfect either. The amount of
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: times that I've laid in bed and sobbed my eyes
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: out because I'm like, I really got it wrong today.
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, no, you didn't. Your kid is upright sleeping, she'll
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: wake up tomorrow. You won the day. Yes, are there
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: things that you could do different? Yeah, there are, But
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: like they said, Billy.
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: It's all you have is time, Oh my god, and.
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: Whatever happened is in the past, and now all you
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: can do is move forward.
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: And you better you.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: Can't cry about it right the way that resonated with
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: me because you know how I feel about time, all
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: of you do, because I obsess over it in every episode.
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: And Amazon Live and you don't like time, do you?
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: It freaks me out. I get sad, buy the McDonald
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: if they act good, and rent a movie or two,
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: and buy snacks. That's what my mom.
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: Did, love it, love it well, that's how we got
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: Ocean on Amazon Live.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: What did we offer her a cookie or something?
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: She was like, I don't want to, mom, Gigi goes,
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: I'll give you a chocolate or a cookie. If you go, oh okay,
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: cry off the couch and right into us, just for
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: that cookie.
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: I wanted them to see her bangs in real life.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: Oh she wore a headband.
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and she went in for thirty seconds because she
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: was like, all right, I saw him.
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: Where's my fucking cookie?
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: She was like, Hi, got off the chair.
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: Cookie. Yep.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: And mom stays true to her word as a preschool teacher.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: I just tell my son and my students it's time
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: to reset. I love that word. And then they sit
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: in a quiet area with a calming caddy as long
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: as they don't throw it.
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: What's a caddy?
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: I don't know what a calming caddy is, but it
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: sounds like something they hold. Oh me, yeah, maybe like
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: a like a stuffy or just something that represents calmness
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: in the class. Why do I adore this so much?
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: Freaking genius picturing the kids across the room. What do
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: you do?
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: Then? I'd love for you to write back in Yeah,
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: if the kid.
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: Throws it, what's plan B principle?
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: That's what the plan B is on to somebody else.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: I was tough when mine was little, and now she's
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: twelve and wouldn't dare lie to me. She cares for
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: people and hardly acts out of line. And she just
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: hit puberty, So that's saying a lot. I so feel
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: for that.
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: That is. I remember.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: I remember when I hit puberty. We all do, I'm sure,
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: but I just felt so lost.
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: Well, you feel like you were just stripped of everything
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: you were.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: I know I felt like I wasn't innocent anymore, and
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: I hated that.
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: I know I feel that.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: Do you remember when Mom took you? Well I only
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: remember because she's told us this story. But when Mom
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: took you through the line, it was like seven eleven
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: and they had those like muscle magazines, and there was
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: a woman on it and she and she had on
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: like that little string bikini and you looked at it,
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: Mom and you I love her still. She said, you
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: were a tiny little tot.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: Oh just my blonde curly hair.
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: Oh, you were so cute, love her. Aw, you looked
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: a lot like Sosa. Sometimes when I am feeding Sosa
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: a bottle, and it's it's like just the way that
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: it shapes her nose and her eyes, and like maybe
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: the bottle is cutting off at a certain point to
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: make it seem look more like you. It's just from
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: here up. But I'm like, you are.
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: T t because when I would feed her, I would
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: be feeding Gigi. I was like, there's just no way
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: that this isn't Gigi, and now she's transforming into me.
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: But a lot of people when you when I have
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: no makeup on you and I look identical and I look,
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: people say you look just like your mom. So when
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: people say so so looks identical to Gigi, then I'm like, oh,
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: that means that she looks like me, and that makes
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: me happy. What everybody wants their kindling, well they do.
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: I loved when.
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: When Ocean was like, I only want my mama, and
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: you were like, I know.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: Everybody hates that, but I love hearing that's really annoying,
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: but I love hearing that so much. You guys, that
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: was a fun episode. Why did I laugh so much today?
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: It's been a really great day. I love you guys.
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening to another episode. Up
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: the Phone Is Podcast. By the way, you can catch
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: the YouTube video up today as well, and we will
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: catch you on Wednesday for a regular old episode by