Latest / CALL ME MISTRESS / JUST A CHAT: LET'S TALK FACE SITTING...

Transcript

JUST A CHAT: LET'S TALK FACE SITTING... · CALL ME MISTRESS

0:08
Hi, welcome to the latest episode of Mistress Mia's
0:11
Dungeon. I'm your Hostess, Mistress Mia,
0:13
and you know the Barbie. Hello.
0:18
I like that. Thank you.
0:20
I'm going to do. A little duet.
0:22
I Can't Sing. Liar.
0:24
I know you can sing. No, I.
0:26
Can't everyone's? No, I can't.
0:27
We gotta. If we go to karaoke, I'll prove
0:29
it to you. OK, you prove it to me.
0:31
My favorite thing to do is I'll go up there and I'll sing I need
0:34
a hero, but I'm not a good singer, so I subject everyone to
0:37
4 1/2 minutes of me yelling so. Is I need a hero?
0:41
Oh. I need a hero.
0:44
I think the song is actually 5 minutes and there is like a 45
0:47
second like interlude. Oh my God, fuck.
0:54
OK, maybe I don't want to go to karaoke with me.
0:56
No you don't. I cause problems.
0:59
I haven't been back to my usual karaoke spot in a few weeks
1:02
because the karaoke girl got mad at me because I accidentally
1:05
touched her speaker and I'm nervous to go back.
1:07
Oh shit. I didn't know it was a speaker.
1:10
I thought it was a wooden pillar, so I grabbed it.
1:12
She's like, get your hands off my speaker.
1:14
And I was like, Oh my God, girl, I'm just a girl.
1:21
No, but it's OK, I'll go back one day.
1:24
Wow, Wow. OK, so Tony, he wrote me an
1:31
e-mail. Yeah, he, I'm going to skip a
1:36
couple of things because we were talking about meeting at some
1:39
point. Yeah, because I'm going right
1:40
through his area. Oh yeah.
1:42
I'm also going to be seeing Steve in October as well.
1:46
I know that there's parts where you really haven't listened to
1:49
all of the episodes because it's 300 episodes, a lot to catch up
1:52
on. But there's this guy Steve.
1:54
He went through a really difficult time in his life and
2:01
he had kind of fallen into the trap of fake Doms.
2:05
Oh. Yeah, and gave them money and
2:07
and then his family resented him and then his wife left him and
2:10
then they're separating. Oh, my gosh.
2:12
And he's dealt with, you know, two kids that are adult
2:15
children. Disowned him and left him
2:17
because of the fake doms. No, no, no.
2:20
But it's more or less like it's gotten to the point where they
2:25
really had a lot of. It was other stuff.
2:28
Yeah, they had a lot of. Different.
2:29
That didn't help it. No, it did not.
2:31
But I told Steve that I'd meet him, and, you know, he started
2:33
his own podcast. I think, I think you mentioned
2:37
that it's like Steve, Steve's yes, subspace was, that's what
2:41
it was. And, you know, he does stories
2:43
and, you know, he's an avid listener of our show.
2:46
That's nice. And, you know, he's just a nice
2:49
guy. He's a very nice guy.
2:51
And I think a lot of our listeners are nice people that
2:54
just want a good laugh, you know?
2:56
But Tony says, I love that you and Barbie are getting together
3:00
on the podcast. Yay.
3:02
I told you before I loved hearing you talk shop.
3:05
I'm in. I'm in the middle of your second
3:07
episode as I write this. Currently stuck in the line at
3:10
the DMV. So sorry, he said.
3:13
Help me. God, just hearing you utter my
3:15
name is the presence of Barbie in the presence of Barbie made
3:21
me so happy. He's like, I want to apologize
3:23
on behalf of all men. I hate hearing your horror
3:26
stories. I hate that people men can be so
3:31
inconsiderate. Please do not hesitate to put me
3:34
in place if I'm ever rude, annoying, or bothersome in any
3:40
way towards you. I try my hardest to be
3:42
respectful of you, your time, and the work you do.
3:45
I hope you have a fun weekend planned and I wish you no drama
3:48
in the dungeon. Oh God, Tony.
3:51
I love you. That's so sweet, Tony.
3:54
It's been a rough week. They really, Tony, it's it's
3:57
been a very difficult week. And, you know, I'm pushing
4:00
through, but it's going to be Barbie and I from this point on.
4:07
And, you know, we'll have guests and there's a lot of people that
4:10
actually want to come back on our show.
4:14
To interview, Yeah, because I started not really an interview.
4:17
I just kind of just was on an episode.
4:19
That's kind of what I did. And we filmed once and it turned
4:22
into three episodes. Because I'm a professional
4:24
yapper. Well, something that Barbie
4:27
doesn't know, and I'm going to go ahead and say it now, is
4:29
we're going to do a few things different on Fucked Up Friday.
4:34
We're going to be doing something that is will be
4:36
beneficial to a lot of people and we're going to basically
4:39
teach technique on certain things.
4:42
And I think that some of them will be PG and others will be,
4:47
you know, other will be really nasty so.
4:49
Yeah, you perverts. Yeah, we love our fucking
4:52
perverts. So before we get into the topic
4:57
of this today, I will say that Barbie and I were in the dungeon
5:00
today and we did a scene. We did.
5:02
We did. And this guy said to Barbie, say
5:07
it, Barbie, just go ahead and tell.
5:08
Them I forgot. No, no, no.
5:11
He said to you, he's like, would you just sit in my face while I
5:14
while I play with your feet? And she's like, I don't.
5:18
Do that, but I'm not a there fan.
5:21
Yeah. Mia's there, you go ahead and
5:23
ask her. She might coordinate something
5:25
with you. And you know, I was wearing my
5:26
black PVC pants, which Brie fucking about came on herself
5:30
when she saw me in the love Brie.
5:32
Yeah, So I went and I, the guy sat on the floor.
5:37
He's leaned up against the couch.
5:39
Barbie is touching his Dick with her feet.
5:43
Stepping on it. Stepping on it and he's playing
5:46
with his little Dick and I just stood there, leaned back and
5:51
gave him a nice mouthful of my ass and PVC pants.
5:55
Plastic ass right there. Plastic ass, yes.
5:58
Well, you know, I think that just brings up the topic of like
6:01
every Dom is different and different Doms are comfortable
6:04
with different things. Like I know there's Doms that
6:07
work for you that don't mind certain things where others do,
6:10
where for me personally I it might be because I'm newer to
6:14
doing it, but I know I prefer not to.
6:15
Like I don't really want a lot of touching.
6:18
Like it's more about for me, it's about the person I'm
6:20
working. For you went slopper on your
6:21
feet, as you said to the guy before at the public dungeon.
6:25
Yeah, exactly. And so like in the dungeon, like
6:28
today, for example, when he's like, can you put your ass in my
6:32
face? I, I said no because like, you
6:35
know, that's not really something I'm interested in
6:37
doing. It's a boundary for me.
6:39
But I think also it depends on what I'm wearing.
6:41
And I wear like mini skirts with like underwear.
6:43
So it would be like really like invasive for for me to put my
6:48
ass in his face. I mean, maybe if I was wearing
6:50
something like you were like PVC leggings and like, maybe I'd
6:54
consider it. But like I'm like, no, my Kitty
6:55
cat's almost out. Like I can't have you that close
6:58
to it you. Had to air that shit out during
7:00
summertime. It's hot out.
7:02
I got big guys. I need all the ventilation I can
7:05
get. No, but yeah, I mean cuz like
7:08
you have, you have Doms that work with you that are, you know
7:11
more open to different. Things you're carefree about a
7:14
lot of stuff. And I think, like you said, I
7:16
think the older you get, my women over 40, they're kind of
7:20
just like, yeah, you want me to suffocate you with my titties?
7:22
Sure. I don't know.
7:24
I have titties but I don't think I got enough for suffocating.
7:27
Trust me, you always have enough titties for suffocating.
7:33
In his nose. Those are tits.
7:37
Yeah, yeah, it's me plugging the silicone ones out of the
7:42
cabinet. Or you can do the fun thing that
7:44
I always did to my husband. He was just like, I want you to
7:47
sit on my face. But he loves the feel of
7:49
plastic. So I would I would always take
7:53
like a Walmart bag and put the Walmart bag on his head and then
7:57
sit on him with my bare pussy. Just saying.
8:00
So you could do that to Little Boy Toy this week.
8:05
He's really into suffocation. Exactly.
8:08
I will say the other day he, he, he has real big dreams.
8:12
And sometimes I have to shoot his dreams down because of
8:16
experience and practicality. But he texted me and he was
8:19
like, I want you to put me in the vac bed, which if you don't
8:23
know what the vac bed is, it's like a giant Ziploc bag.
8:25
You get in and we suck all the air out of it.
8:27
It's made of latex. And he's like, I want you to put
8:30
me in the vac bed and I want you to get on top and I want you to
8:34
choke me out. And then like I'll come to still
8:38
in the back bed. And I had to tell him I was
8:41
like, one, I can't get on top of the back bed, it'll damage it.
8:44
Two, when you're in the back bed, I won't be able to tell
8:47
when you black out because there's only one little pea
8:50
sized hole that you can breathe out of.
8:52
So you just black out. I wouldn't even know.
8:56
I'm like, how am I supposed to make sure you're OK?
8:58
Also, I've never even knocked someone out before.
9:00
So I was like, look, this is a little out of my pay grade dude.
9:02
I got to get a little bit more experience under my belt.
9:05
Maybe I'll knock you out outside of the back bed or something
9:08
like that, right? That was a little, that was a
9:10
little scary. Like the idea of like choking
9:13
someone till they pass out is scary for me.
9:15
Like I'm not opposed to trying it, but I am just like, damn,
9:18
what if I get into felony right now?
9:22
That's what I get nervous of. Like I sometimes I get scared.
9:25
I'm like, I don't want to actually hurt somebody in a way
9:27
they don't want me to. But what I've realized, a lot of
9:29
these bitches want me to hurt them harder.
9:32
Well, you know, lucky for me, like I always told my husband,
9:35
is that at this point in our lives, are we going to be doing
9:40
this shit when we're 70 or 80 and I have to explain to the
9:44
police how I killed you, You. Know.
9:46
And then I'm going to be like, look, we're going to take as
9:48
many pictures and videos as you fucking want, 'cause this will
9:51
be my proof. I feel like it happens more than
9:55
I feel like if the police probably get calls like that
9:56
more than you'd think. Oh yeah.
9:58
Like, I feel like auto erotic asphyxiation probably gets more
10:01
people than they'd like to admit.
10:04
Like the ER people. A cousin of mine, she used to
10:08
work in the ER and she says half of her calls are just people
10:11
with things stuck up their ass. Oh, yeah.
10:14
So guys, a flared base is so important.
10:18
If you don't want to go to the hospital with something up your
10:20
ass, use a flared base. Or just buy a sex toy if you
10:24
want something up your ass that bad.
10:26
And she said they'd always make excuses like, oh, I slipped in
10:28
the shower and landed on it. They always.
10:33
They always. Not a porno, what are we talking
10:35
about? It was just really funny.
10:39
I know, I think Eminem actually says it in his song.
10:42
What did you do? Trip, slip, fall, land on his
10:45
Dick. Yeah, yes.
10:48
I love you, Marshall Mathers. Just saying.
10:50
But yeah, you know, that's some funny shit.
10:53
So Barbie and I were actually going to talk about Fetlife
10:56
today because there's a lot of people that they don't really
11:00
know what Fetlife is. Yeah.
11:01
And you know or how it works. Or how it works.
11:04
It took me a minute to even figure out what was going.
11:07
On So tell us, what was your first experience?
11:10
So a long time ago when I was like 19, maybe 18, I was pretty
11:16
young. I was talking to a Co worker and
11:20
we worked at it like a pet place and there was this giant
11:23
bedazzled pink collar. And I said I like that.
11:27
But I was like I like that in a fashion sense.
11:29
And she's like, I like that in the way I want to be pulled
11:32
around by that. So we got in the top the topic
11:36
of kink. So I'm a virgin.
11:37
I don't know anything about it, but like, you know, I've read
11:40
like fan fiction, so I think I know shit and this woman's just
11:44
telling me things and I'm like, how do you find this?
11:47
And she told me about Fetlife. Well, I made an account that
11:51
night and I got on there and little, like I think I, I think
11:55
I was 18, little 18 on here. It freaked me out 'cause I had
11:58
no clue how it worked and there was probably still an account
12:00
out there 'cause I didn't delete it.
12:02
I just never, I just abandoned it.
12:04
There's an account out there with my actual name on it and a
12:07
picture of me from like six years ago, I think.
12:11
And I, I might try to find it. That'd be really funny.
12:13
I report it so I can take it down, but I abandoned it and
12:18
then I didn't get it again until I was like 22.
12:22
And then that was when I told the story, I think a podcast or
12:24
two ago where I just randomly redownloaded Fet and then found
12:28
an event and just went there like immediately.
12:30
So both times were kind of impulsive.
12:33
But I'm more active on Fet now than I ever have.
12:36
And I will say it took me a minute to understand the app
12:38
formatting and understand like, oh, this is like my homepage and
12:42
this is where we find things. And the only thing that's
12:46
different about fet than like than other social media is that
12:50
they don't really have like an explorer or a like a for you
12:54
page. So anything you want to find,
12:56
you have to go find it yourself. So it's not like things are
12:59
going to get suggested to you, which I think that's the only
13:01
big difference. So like, really it's, it's a
13:04
very intentional app. You have to go search for what
13:06
you want. But I do think it's fun and
13:08
it's, it's easy to like, you know, know what people are
13:11
interested in. You can go to their profile and
13:14
read their fetishes. I always think it's fun, you
13:16
know, like I meet a new person in the scene to go to their
13:18
profile and read what they're into and read what they write
13:22
and see what photos. Because you can learn a lot
13:24
about somebody and like their experience in the kink community
13:28
by what they post, you know? Yeah, I really think so, too.
13:31
I think that people don't realize, too, how they represent
13:35
themselves. Yeah.
13:36
Because immediately a lot of people are just like, Oh yeah,
13:39
I'm going to post this picture and this picture, and that's my
13:41
story about that. Yeah.
13:43
And we're like, whoa, whoa, you know a lot of guys.
13:47
I think there's an artistic way to post Dick pictures.
13:51
And then there's there's ways that don't go very well.
13:54
There's ways that are terrifying to look.
13:56
At you know, and again, I say this, there's only 18% women who
14:00
listen to this podcast. So all these other men I'm
14:04
taking, please, I'm going to give the advice to you.
14:08
When you take a Dick picture, don't include your asshole in
14:11
that picture. Flash probably isn't going to
14:14
work if you're sweaty. No, it's not and it needs to be.
14:19
Women are more turned on by the illusion and the mystery of it.
14:24
So like even the top maybe where it bends a little bit, maybe
14:28
that's a little peeling, you know, they show a bit, a little
14:30
of the tummy. I'd say, you know, like
14:32
personally, sometimes I find just not an actual Dick picture
14:36
sexier like like a picture, like some of the stuff I've seen
14:40
where like when a guy has his underwear like halfway down,
14:42
like what you say that's hot or like sexy guy that we talk about
14:46
from parties. His only picture on fet with a
14:49
while is just a picture of his bulge, not even out.
14:51
And I was out and I'm like, and you can tell it's a big Dick.
14:54
You don't even got to show it off.
14:55
You're like, there it is. And I also think like, look at
14:58
what's in the background and that goes for everybody.
15:01
Oh my God, I've seen. Some nudes on fet and I'm like I
15:04
can see your entire kitchen sink on the background like like like
15:08
a mess to. Bathroom pictures, The bedroom
15:11
pictures put shit on the floor. Right down your mirror like
15:15
before you post things. Anytime I've taken a picture in
15:18
my dirty room and I do have a dirty room, I crop it in.
15:24
I crop out my mess I love. How you like, freely admit.
15:27
This I do. I'm a big fan of the floor
15:29
drobe, so I keep all my clothes on the floor.
15:32
That way I can walk on them and then be upset that they're dirty
15:35
when I need to wear them. Because I love making my life
15:38
harder for myself, of course. You do.
15:40
It's also great when my giant pit bulls sleep on my black
15:43
clothes and then now there's white hairs all over it.
15:45
I don't you love. That love that so much love that
15:48
for me, you know, but yeah, I'd say like just really like look
15:54
at the pictures and go like, like just look at what's going
15:56
on in it. Like do you have dirt in the
15:58
background? Is your mirror all messed up
16:00
'cause I will say there's. I've seen sexy pictures of
16:03
ladies but when the mirror you're taking a picture and it's
16:05
covered in toothpaste. OK, so we're both by.
16:09
Yeah. OK.
16:11
Happy pride. Thank you.
16:13
Do you find it sexy, though? I I don't like this at all.
16:16
I don't like when women spread their vagina.
16:19
I think there's a time and a place for it.
16:21
I personally I think the time and place is in person.
16:25
I thank. You OK?
16:27
All right, I think you can take cute pussy pics, but I do think
16:31
that I feel like that's just something like I personally
16:34
wouldn't post it. It's so.
16:35
Personal. It's so personal.
16:38
Well, we, I'll tell you the story real quick.
16:40
And me and like, you know this, but there was this girl that
16:45
wanted to work in the dungeon and she's like really pretty,
16:48
you know, she wanted to do it. She's really young.
16:51
And so she comes in, she meets Mia and, you know, everything
16:56
go, it goes. All right.
16:57
You know, she could have been a bit more like, like taking a bit
17:00
more. Yeah, a bit more initiative
17:02
because like, when I talked to you about working in the
17:04
dungeon, I was very forward. And when I met with you, you
17:07
know, I asked a lot of questions and she kind of didn't do that
17:11
to think she was just being shy. But she texts me later and she's
17:14
like, what kind of picture should I put on my foot?
17:18
And I was like, you know, make me you look cute.
17:21
You can tease it. And I don't think I communicated
17:23
right because I checked her foot.
17:25
And hold on, hold on though, you took pictures with her.
17:29
Yeah, in the dungeon in. The dungeon, so she had.
17:31
Pictures that would have been perfect.
17:32
Yeah, they were fully clothed. You did a little bit of rope.
17:35
You did, you know? They were the rope pictures of
17:37
her tied up might not have been the best because if she wants to
17:40
be a Dom. But the picture was cute.
17:42
I used it. I was gonna.
17:43
Say, but it would have basically shown, hey, I can do rope, yeah,
17:48
you know, and you could have cropped your face out, just
17:50
saying. But I go back to her profile
17:53
like a day or two later and and she had posted them all at once.
17:57
She had posted like 15 photos of her like completely naked and
18:01
like that's fine. Oh, and sucking.
18:04
Dick, it was a picture of her getting fucked from the back, a
18:06
picture of her sucking. Dick.
18:08
It was a picture. I think she posted a spread
18:10
picture too. And I mean, she's gorgeous.
18:12
She looked amazing, but I had to text her and I'm like, hey, like
18:16
that makes you look more like a porn star or a constant or like,
18:20
yeah, well, especially if you're working somewhere, you can't
18:22
post that. I mean, if you're an only fans
18:24
girl, post it. Make your money, babe.
18:26
Also, I had to tell her don't post that for free.
18:28
Don't, don't post your pussy for free, guys, Right.
18:31
You're gonna post. I mean, unless you're into that,
18:33
but like, make some money off it if you're gonna post it.
18:36
But yeah, she took it all down. And she was like, yeah, I had a
18:39
feeling that was the case. I just thought it would help,
18:41
like get me more traction. And I was like, it gets
18:44
traction, not the traction you want.
18:46
Though not the traction you want.
18:47
And that's where I said that's not stuff we do in the dungeon.
18:49
No, nobody's gonna suck your Dick.
18:51
No one. This is BDSM.
18:53
So the pictures were not BDSM. Yeah, and that's like, you know,
18:56
I think she just didn't understand.
18:58
And the difference between BDSM and porn, and I think some
19:03
people don't, is that BDSM is inherently sexual, but it
19:07
doesn't have to be sex or porn or nudity.
19:11
You can go through my vet and there's not, I'm not naked on
19:15
it. And it's not 'cause I judge
19:16
people who are. I just my preference is I don't
19:18
want to be naked online. I don't want people to be able
19:21
to see that for free. And I think you have like, cute
19:23
seductive pictures. Yeah, because the picture a
19:26
little coy, they. Are and I and I think it's
19:29
alluring in the sense that, hey, there's a lot of mystery and
19:32
you're not going to see Barbie naked.
19:34
You will never see Barbie naked. Yeah, these are the pictures
19:36
that unless you're one of the few lucky winners, well, you
19:41
know, it's weird is that on Fet certain pictures like don't do
19:44
as well as you think they will. And then other ones do really
19:47
well. Like that one photo of me you
19:49
use on your website, the one where I'm in clown makeup, not
19:52
the one of me sitting, but the one where I'm standing and I
19:54
have the rip Nets on and I look kind of scary.
19:57
That's one of my most top like photos on Fet.
20:00
It's a great photo. Yeah.
20:01
As opposed to like a picture where like my ass is a little
20:03
out or pictures where I look like real feminine.
20:06
Like those pictures they get good likes but not compared to
20:09
that one that one like. I want to say I was like quite a
20:12
bit of likes for me. I have a smaller account, so
20:14
it's not like I get like thousands of likes.
20:16
But no, I was I was shocked that that one did as well because
20:19
sometimes I get nervous that like the the scarier I look just
20:23
won't be as appealing and just people just won't like it.
20:26
But I don't know the few times I've posted looking like a
20:28
little freak, Y'all? Purvis loved it.
20:30
Right. I don't think there's any
20:33
anything wrong with that because there's a lot of people that
20:36
enjoy the sense of looking at a woman that is dressed in.
20:40
Clown pain. I love clowns, you know, they
20:42
love that beyond sexually. I just love clowns.
20:45
And you know, Shaman Sinister smile.
20:49
He's our great friend. I love Shaman, he tells me this
20:54
story one time where he fucked a chick and she wanted him to wear
20:58
his clown face mask and clown maybe.
21:01
Completely understand her. Yeah, and.
21:04
I'm more of a fan of not mask but like the actual makeup.
21:07
I love a man in makeup. Maybe it was just the makeup,
21:09
but I know that he was just like, yeah, she wanted me to
21:11
wear. If a man who looked like
21:12
Frankenfurter hit me up, it would be a wrap.
21:14
I marry I would I love a man in shitty drag, but not modern
21:20
shitty drag, but like that 80s like, you know, loose fitting
21:23
corset. Oh, I love that like that kind
21:26
of drag queen. The drag Queens nowadays, like I
21:29
I'm I'm not the biggest fan of like them sexually, you know,
21:32
but I like them older ones like that, that look like that old
21:35
school kind. That's my favorite.
21:37
So I'm gonna educate you. Educate you.
21:41
Go for it, educate you. 3 minutes old.
21:45
But you know how you say this is goth?
21:47
Goth is this is, this is the black, it's the spikes.
21:50
It's all this. Well, let me tell you, back in
21:52
the 80s, it was fucking punk. Well, yeah.
21:55
And well, I think all the subcultures like back in the
21:59
80s, because I do know a lot about it, unfortunately, because
22:03
my dad was a metal head. So we always, we always talk
22:05
about like music history and stuff.
22:07
And so it is funny how they were all born kind of in the same
22:11
time around the same thing and there wasn't a big difference.
22:14
But it is funny looking back now, there's a difference.
22:17
So people who didn't like consider themselves goth, punk
22:20
or even a metal head because I didn't really exist at the time
22:23
nowadays would be categorized as like this, that and the 3rd.
22:27
And I do think like modern goth is very different than like the
22:29
80s trad goth. I always, I love the 80s trad
22:32
goth. I wish I was like, like I could
22:35
pull that off. It's just not my style.
22:37
Like rabbits. More of a trad goth with like
22:40
that full like kind of. Yeah, and I'm totally lost with.
22:44
That yeah, well, it's all, it's a music based subculture, but it
22:47
is kind of flourished into now a fashion subculture where there's
22:51
actually not a lot of goth music as you'd think.
22:54
There is like there's a few like main bands that do a lot of cool
22:57
stuff and of course there's new stuff being made, but honestly
23:00
not a ton. And so there's not a lot of goth
23:03
music, but there's a lot of goth fashion subculture now.
23:06
And all these little losers like to argue about it online.
23:10
That's awesome. They always like to call people.
23:12
Same thing with punks. I was in the punk scene a while.
23:14
They all like to argue about it. It's so annoying.
23:17
I'm like, guys, we all can't get jobs so who cares?
23:20
We're all not getting hired because we have piercings in our
23:22
face. Let's just work together.
23:25
That's awesome. But yeah, so back to fat, back
23:29
to fat profiles, you know, there's a really a lot to say
23:32
about that. And I think your profile
23:34
reflects what you're looking for.
23:36
And. If you I the one thing I will
23:38
say that I don't understand is when I've had people hit me up
23:43
being like, Hey, I love your like, they're not necessarily
23:45
being gross, but they're like love your profile.
23:48
I really like to get to know you.
23:50
I would like to like potentially play.
23:52
And of course, I don't really respond to people I don't know,
23:55
but I'll click on their profile out of curiosity.
23:57
No pictures, no description, no fetishes listed.
24:01
It's an empty profile, no friends not following anyone.
24:04
So one, I know you just made this or two, you don't actually
24:08
like use your fet. And my question is, would any of
24:12
y'all go meet a profile with no pictures on it And no, no
24:16
listing, no nothing. Like what are you thinking when
24:18
you message someone like that? Like it is it is basically it
24:21
means nothing to me because I don't know who this is.
24:23
You could be anybody. You could be anything.
24:26
I if you have pictures of yourself, a small description
24:29
like you don't have to post your face.
24:30
But if you at least have a filled out profile, you are 10
24:34
times more likely to get people like responding to you and to
24:38
get girls to like talk to you or to get guys or whoever you're
24:40
trying to pull. But man, these blank.
24:43
They'll hit you up being like, do you want to meet up?
24:45
And I'm like, I don't even know if you're real.
24:47
You could be a robot for all I know.
24:49
You could be a fed. Unbelievable.
24:52
You know, I I really hate on dating profiles and sometimes I
24:55
see this on. Fed I hate dating profiles.
24:58
They'll show the same pose but different outfits, same same
25:02
type of picture, you know? And all you see is like the
25:05
chest up. That's all you see.
25:08
I, I will say I don't, I think sorry my, my brain farted really
25:14
bad just then. No, but I think like, Oh my
25:17
gosh, what was I about to say? When we're talking about
25:20
profiles and basically. I feel like I just had an
25:24
aneurysm. Wait, I'm so sorry.
25:25
No, did you see the light leave my eyes?
25:27
I did caught the thought I haven't eaten all day and I'm a
25:32
little sleepy. So let's go back to this.
25:35
We'll say this with that so. OK, You were talking about
25:38
people posting, like, the same picture.
25:40
Yes. Yeah, that does.
25:41
To me, it doesn't look good. It doesn't, like, show me
25:45
anything interesting about you. It just shows that you know how
25:48
to stand in the same spot over and over again in the same
25:52
outfit, basically. Or you know, OK so I'm on dating
25:56
apps now and I hate when guys will post pictures and all of
26:01
their pictures they'll be in Snapchat filters.
26:03
Not and that's not just a fix filter that changes color, it's
26:06
filters that like obscure your face and they'll post like 6
26:10
pictures of them with either Snapchat filters, it'll be like
26:14
1/4 of their face or it'll be them in a giant group picture
26:17
where you can't zoom in. And I'm like, would you swipe on
26:20
a girl who only posted that prop?
26:23
Actually, probably. Men are easy.
26:25
Men. I always say that men are horse.
26:27
Like oh, she got a pussy. Oh yeah, OK here.
26:30
Is it warm? Is it warm in a hole?
26:33
It could be an Ant pile. As long as it's warm and a
26:37
little damp. Could be anything.
26:41
Small bag of macaroni. I don't know.
26:43
I came in contact with some guy and he was talking at a local
26:48
event that I went to and he was talking about this chick that he
26:52
passed. He's like, yeah, I fucked her.
26:55
Oh my God, It was like throwing a hot dog down a down a hallway.
26:58
I'd. Kill myself if a man said that
27:00
and I was. Like that is horrible.
27:02
And why would you say that to people?
27:05
Why? And you know what's crazy?
27:06
He was probably lying. His Dick is probably small.
27:09
That's what I was thinking, but I wasn't going to say that
27:11
little. Pencil Dick.
27:16
Her pussy wasn't big, her Dick was just small.
27:19
Barbie. I love it.
27:20
I love it. But but yeah, with the profiles,
27:26
especially if you're using FET to potentially date or to find
27:29
partners, you need to put stuff in your profile that you would
27:33
want to know about your partners, especially things like
27:35
fetishes, pictures of you. You don't have to post your
27:38
face, but like things you want to know, like, hi, this is what
27:42
I'm looking for. There's like an option to put so
27:44
much stuff on Fet. You can exactly list what you're
27:47
looking for. You can list as hookups, cyber
27:49
sex, I'm looking for friends, events.
27:51
I'm only listed as events and I have people hit me up all the
27:54
time wanting to fuck or wanting to play and I'm like it just
27:59
tells me immediately you're not reading and so you don't
28:01
actually care about what I'm doing, my event and who you.
28:05
Really are, yeah. Because my profile is I think on
28:08
Fed they mark certain profiles as professional profiles and I
28:11
am marked under that. So like if you have certain
28:13
settings on, you can't find me because any solicitors get put
28:18
in a different cattle even though I'm not fucking doing
28:19
that. But I have it listed as I'm only
28:23
looking for events. I don't even say I'm looking for
28:25
friends, but I still have people all the time that DM me and
28:28
they're wanting to do all this stuff.
28:30
And I'm like, if you don't care enough to read my profile then
28:33
you're not going to be a suitable partner for me or a
28:36
suitable play partner. You know, I can't deal with
28:38
that. You know, if you can't even
28:39
spend 2 minutes reading something, that's all it says.
28:42
But just read profiles before you message them and make sure
28:45
your profile looks good and present yourself well and you'll
28:49
have a lot more success in the dating scene and in the king
28:51
scene that. Way you know, my thing of it is
28:53
people always message me and they're like, so how can I find
28:56
your event? How can I find?
28:58
Literally right there. Yeah, how can I find your next
29:00
party? I'm like, dude, you go to the
29:02
tab at home and you Scroll down and it's.
29:05
I had a guy who kept going. Oh, well, well, wouldn't Mia's
29:08
next party? And I was like, it's in the
29:10
event listing. It's or you can go to her page
29:12
and look at it. Oh, if you can just send me the
29:14
date. No, I'm not gonna fucking send
29:16
you the date if I know how to go find it.
29:18
You can go find it. Are you his secretary?
29:20
Exactly. I'm sorry You messaged me
29:22
wanting something from me. Yeah.
29:24
Like, I'm not gonna sit here and tell you how to go find Mia.
29:27
Like, go do it on your own. Like not to get aggressive, but
29:30
it's like, don't ask me for things if I can go find the
29:34
event, you can go find the events, you know?
29:36
Entirely true. But you know, it's just
29:39
interesting like because it took me a minute because I didn't
29:41
know where anything was on the app.
29:43
But now that I know it's, it's much easier.
29:45
Is it much easier? I don't check my friend request,
29:48
I'm really bad about that. Well you need to add your
29:51
friends bitch. Well people won't tell me when
29:53
they friend me because I have a lot of friend requests like I
29:56
have like 90 something right now because it's just random guys or
30:00
random people. Sorry guys I'm not gonna just
30:02
like call y'all out 24/7 but a lot of random people friend me
30:07
and I don't I won't respond and so somebody will.
30:09
I had this happen where someone friended me and they actually
30:12
like knew me and then later they're like you never responded
30:15
to my friend request and I'm like, I didn't know you sent me
30:18
one 'cause I just, I don't look at it anymore.
30:20
And and you know what I do sometimes that's bad.
30:23
I sometimes mass decline 'cause you have an option to decline
30:26
all and sometimes I'll decline them all and then I'm like, oh,
30:28
hopefully it didn't hurt no one's feelings 'cause I'm not
30:31
going through it. Do you get a lot of friend
30:34
requests on Fet? I do get a lot of lot of lot of
30:38
friend requests. Do you accept your friend
30:39
requests 'cause like I just said, I don't go through mine.
30:42
I do because I specifically said on Fet I say to people we're all
30:47
here for the same reason, kink, that they can always friend
30:52
request me and I'll accept anyone's request.
30:54
Oh, that's nice. And I do that because for one,
30:57
we promote the podcast that way. Yeah.
30:59
Two, I promote the dungeon and the parties, Yeah.
31:01
So whatever people see me post, it's going to come up in.
31:04
Their feet, you know, that's pretty smart.
31:06
Well, I mean people can follow you though and you don't to
31:08
friend them. They they can, but you know why
31:10
not true, You know why not? I hate reading profiles on there
31:14
where they're just like, I'm not going to friend you unless I've
31:17
met you in person. It's like, yeah, you're not.
31:21
I'm not that strict with it, but I part of me is just like if I
31:25
accept everyone said, like you said, I'm gonna have to accept
31:28
them all. And I'm like, I just don't feel
31:29
like having all that in my feed. If you want, if you want to
31:32
watch my stuff, you can follow me.
31:34
And if you want to be my friend, you got to make an effort.
31:36
Got to impress me or something like that.
31:38
But that's me. But I'll never put it in my
31:39
profile or anything like that. Well, you know, there's a
31:42
setting on Fet now where when you hit that friend request or
31:45
that message button, something will pop up and go just a
31:48
reminder. So and so is only looking for
31:50
this. So think before you message.
31:52
And I think you can, you can program that in to like to
31:55
double remind people like the like when you message them,
31:59
it'll be like she is not looking for hookups.
32:02
Don't message her if that's what you're looking for.
32:04
And you can still message them anyways.
32:05
But I like that, you know, that way you have to put in your.
32:08
Profile. I think there's a lot of cool
32:10
features to Fetlife, but I still think that can be a little more
32:13
user friendly. It is like, especially with the
32:16
chats, like I was trying to scroll up in me and my my little
32:19
boy toys chat 'cause I was looking for something.
32:21
And when you load the older messages, it takes you to like
32:24
seven weeks ago and I'm like, Oh my gosh, we text so much.
32:28
I have to scroll all the way down.
32:30
Or like I sent him something on Fet and it made a whole new chat
32:34
and I was like, Oh my God, what is going on right?
32:37
It was so annoying. Yeah, there's really a lot of
32:41
parts to FET. That's cool.
32:43
Yeah, you know, there's aspects of it, but like you said, in
32:46
order to find something you really have to go and look.
32:48
For it, especially fetish wise, you know?
32:50
And if there's somebody specific, unless you spell their
32:53
name absolutely correct with the underscores and everything,
32:56
you're fine. Capitalization.
32:57
Yeah, it's stupid. It's like, come on, be some
33:00
vague. Give something vague.
33:01
I think it's the case. I use that life on my phone.
33:06
I have a little widget for it so it looks like an app even though
33:08
it's still a browser and it's nice.
33:11
But I think they should can they move to an app?
33:13
They should try it. They do.
33:14
Have an app. They have an app.
33:16
They do have an app. I can't find it.
33:17
It's not. Easy.
33:19
I tried to find their app and I didn't see it.
33:21
Maybe it's only for Android? Oh, that could.
33:24
Be because I have iOS. Yeah, that that could.
33:26
Be but I use it like now I have like a little like emoticon on
33:29
my screen so it looks like an app and I like it much better so
33:32
I don't have to go to the website every time.
33:34
Yeah, I'm well, I'm not. Down.
33:35
I accidentally logged out the other day and I thought I
33:37
deleted my account for a second. I was really high and I was like
33:40
Oh my God. And then I just logged right
33:41
back in. Dipshit, That's hilarious.
33:44
It's so. Stupid but.
33:48
Anything else we'd like to tell people on this because.
33:51
I don't know. This is going to be our version
33:53
of Just a Chat. Oh you know I don't know, I feel
33:57
like my profile looks cute and I feel I just wish people would
33:59
just put more effort into it. Especially if you're wanting to
34:02
get things out of fet, like if you're just on fet to lurk.
34:05
Oh don't post anything just do whatever you want.
34:07
But if you're looking for a partner or a girlfriend,
34:10
boyfriend, a play partner, Dom or submissive, you really need
34:13
to, you know, put out some good energy you.
34:16
Know amp it up. Look good try effort takes you
34:20
so long like such a far away and the episode we posted today the
34:24
Mia and Barbie love your cock thing or something like that.
34:28
Effort will get you so much more game than anything else.
34:31
You want to get laid? Put in effort.
34:33
Literally it. And nobody wants to see Dick
34:35
pics. I mean, unless your cock is so
34:38
fucking memorable, don't fucking post.
34:40
Don't look up. I know, like, people watch porn
34:43
of women a lot. So I feel like women have a lot
34:46
of like, like resources to know how to pose.
34:48
If you want to know how to send a Dick pic, look up some porn of
34:51
guys and see how they're posing. Yeah, because that's what's
34:54
gonna look good. I don't don't think you're gay
34:56
or anything like that. Like don't freak out on me.
34:59
But if you need like some help, like, like if you want to post
35:02
like a Dick pic and you don't know how to do it, look it up.
35:05
Look it up. Look it up.
35:07
See what guys that are like get paid to be hot do like.
35:11
Not trying to be rude. Exactly.
35:14
I know this was back in the early 2000s.
35:16
Fucking Mark Wahlberg and that that fucking Calvin Klein ad and
35:23
that commercial. He fucking has the picture and
35:26
they enhanced his junk, but he's got his hand on his Dick.
35:30
It's on the outside. It's his fucking print.
35:32
It's his man print. That's what women want to see.
35:35
They want to see. These some of these Dick
35:37
pictures y'all post look like mug shots of your Dick.
35:39
Oh my God they do. It looks like clinical and
35:41
scary. It does.
35:42
You look like you're in an airport bathroom.
35:45
And you know, there was a guy, I don't know if you know this, a
35:48
lot of people don't realize this, OK, But guys, if you don't
35:51
alternate the way you're masturbating.
35:54
It won't make your Dick sideways.
35:55
It will, it will make your Dick sideways.
35:57
And there's this guy and he fucking posted this picture and
36:01
his Dick is a fucking hook. And he said, hey ladies, you
36:05
want to get that hook on hook which.
36:07
Direction cuz I'm at. It was he pulls it out from the
36:11
base of his cock and he twists it to the left and you could
36:14
tell it's a fucking. It looks like a cane.
36:17
Like a fucking walking I. Feel like a slight hook upwards
36:20
is very pleasant. Well, upwards, yeah, I could see
36:24
that first. If you're gonna hook your Dick,
36:26
hook it upwards. If you're gonna deform yourself,
36:30
do it in a good way. Do.
36:31
It in a good way yeah, my ex-boyfriend used to do that.
36:33
He would pull his Dick up and it was a nice, it was a nice, you
36:37
know what feel to. That you're definitely right,
36:40
because now that I'm thinking about it, I'm like one of the
36:43
guys I used to be with, he, he had a slight hook.
36:47
And now that I think about it, I've seen him masturbate and I'm
36:49
like, that's how that makes sense.
36:50
I can't wait to. I'm going to text him after this
36:52
and tell him why his Dick is crooked.
36:53
Yeah. That's why he did it himself.
36:56
I'm really Hey, guess what, your Dick's crooked, right you.
36:59
So guys fucking pull that shit up, you know, pull.
37:02
It towards your and they'll get a splint.
37:04
Make it. Get some popsicle.
37:08
Sticks, you know, straighten that shit out.
37:10
Talking about Mark Wahlberg. There's a movie playing in the
37:14
background. Yeah, fucking.
37:16
So if I start studling over my words, it's because I have one
37:18
brain cell and there's pictures on the TV and I'm dying.
37:22
OK, so anyhoo. Anyhoo.
37:25
Anyhoo, who? All right, so we're back to all
37:31
the other stuff we've discussed. Yeah, it's always interesting.
37:34
We always go on tangents. You're welcome.
37:36
It's OK, guys. You're going to get used to
37:38
this. I swear.
37:39
At some point, if there's a suggestion that you have for
37:42
Barbie and I and you want us to talk about it or you want us to
37:45
stop doing it, you just tell us. If you want Barbie to take some
37:50
ADHD medicine before the podcast so we can have one cohesive
37:54
conversation, that will not be happening.
37:57
Wow, yeah, send in questions, send in things you want to talk
38:02
about. Yeah, you can message, you can
38:04
message me or you can message me.
38:06
I'm the under score Barbie on Fett, the B and the.
38:10
B to promote. That Oh, thank you.
38:12
I've read your mind. Fuck yeah.
38:14
The Barbie, the Barbie, the under score Barbie.
38:18
I know that's so cute. I considered it changing it to
38:20
TH EE like like Megan Thee Stallion.
38:24
But then I was like to be like the Barbie.
38:26
But then I'm like the Barbie's fine.
38:29
I wanted to be just Barbie but somebody else already had that.
38:33
Wow I know, so rude. Those cunts.
38:35
How dare someone pick something before me?
38:38
Those cunts. All right.
38:41
On that note, Barbie, are we done?
38:43
Yes, all right. Let's go eat some sushi.
38:45
So until then, may all your fantasies become.
38:51
That does not sound sexy. You fucking do that again.
38:54
Do it. Realities.
38:57
Realities. There we go.
38:58
Me as bedtime story voice. There you go.