Latest / CelinaSpookyBoo / IT_S BABY TIME

Transcript

IT_S BABY TIME · CelinaSpookyBoo

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Y'all are used to seeing me quite a lot different
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: than you're seeing me right now. The title says it all.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: It's officially baby time. I have been on IVF medication
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: for 15 days now. 15 very long days. I don't
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: know why in my mind. I thought that when it
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: came to IVF that you were literally on IVF medication
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: for like a couple days and then boom the eggs
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: were out and it was just gonna be this nice
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Experience and I don't know if it's because I've watched
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: people on social media and think we compress them into
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: these like tiny little Videos and we're like, yeah, this
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: this is it. No, this is it. I Just took
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: my final shot my final shot. I'm gonna cry. That's
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: a huge part of this I found out that women's
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: normal hormones are like around 40 or 400 my estrogen
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: is at 20,000 and apparently I'm at a higher risk
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: for something called Oh HSS which can be kind of
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: scary first do on what these are These are not pimples.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Okay These are boils that appeared on my face last night,
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: and I looked, I'm like, oh, that's not a pimple,
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: those are blisters. And then I'm me, so I went
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: to pop them immediately. So delicious, fun. Why? Can anyone
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: tell me why? This journey has been humbling. Very humbling.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: There is nothing like shooting yourself with needles three times
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: a day, inserting medication vaginally, waking up at three o'clock.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: My trigger shot last night, it's timed, right, for... a
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: certain amount of time right before the retrieval, I had
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: to get up at 3 a.m. and take it at
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: 3 a.m. So here it is, spookiest hour of the night.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: I'm in the kitchen, eyes are barely open. I'm like,
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: I'll think this is right. Slam it into my guts.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: Actually have some left out here because there has been
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: things everywhere. Won't be like this when I have a child.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: But like, we have the needles. I'm not gonna show
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: you the actual needle because I know I'm gonna be
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: kicked right off of YouTube. But this is one that
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: I took. And this one is that I took, and
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: there's a third one, but it's not in here. And
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: then the trigger shots had like this much fluid. And
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: a big question I had was, is Adam helping you
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: take your medication? He would have I asked, but I'm
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: a bit of a control freak. And I just felt
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: like it was gonna be better if I could do it.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: So I gave myself every single shot. Fun things about IVF.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: You are going to be going to the clinic for
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: monitoring every couple of days. For me, that's in Toronto.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: And I go to Create. So Create is like such
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: a busy place. So many people go there. And I
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: actually got hooked up with them through our surrogacy agency.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: Because a lot of people have been asking me, they're like, Selena,
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: what's it going to be like to be pregnant? I'm
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: not having a baby. I am not physically going to
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: be the one to have the baby. I can't. I
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: have a U cornea uterus. And it's just not safe
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: for me to carry because of my uterus. I have
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: like half of a uterus, one fallopian tube. It's just
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: not fun. I've been there. I've lost two babies in
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: the past. Yeah, I can't carry, but CFC families, um,
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: they actually reached out to me on Instagram and I
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: linked up with them. And like, if you have ever
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: thought about being a surrogate, I actually got to meet
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: another one of their surrogates yesterday when I was at
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: the clinic. But like, if you've had a baby and
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: you want to do it for someone else, babe, you
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: are the best human in the whole entire world. Every
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: surrogate that I've met has been the sweetest angel in
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: the whole world and ours. She, she's led the the
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: way she's taken my little fearful hand and led me
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: down the path of not being absolutely terrified of everything.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: She's also done it a few times, which was just
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: so calming to me. It's not like I didn't want
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: a first timer because everyone's going to be a first
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: timer at some point, but just being so scared after
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: playing this like fertility game for 10 years, like having
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: someone just take my hand and be like, this is next.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: And this is, this is what comes next. And this
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: is what we're going to do. It was and I
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: owe her my life and I can't wait for us
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: to have this sweet little baby and um that's the
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: other thing guys it's gone I have never been dumber
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: more emotional angrier and psychotic in my life like if
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: I'm not hearing back from someone like they hate me
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: we're not friends anymore or I am uh C's almost
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: gone there I can't think of a thought I'm like
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: driving I left my purse the cart and then I'm
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: like I shouldn't be driving I literally stopped driving like
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: two days ago cuz I'm like lights are on no
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: literally nobody is home last night was my last shot
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: the hormones you know I expected to feel worse so
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: I'm like fingers crossed on that I'm feeling so good
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: the fact that I am NOT crippled with anxiety because
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: I suffer with something called PMDD, something that makes me
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: feel absolutely out of my body, like doom anxiety. Like
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: I'm not myself before I get my period. Sometimes the
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: last couple of days, sometimes it's like a couple of weeks. Um,
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: I've been able to remedy it by taking some different
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: supplements over the past like few months, but when it's bad,
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: like it's really bad. And I was so afraid that
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: this was going to be triggered by all of these
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: different hormones and just, just not be fun. So I'm
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: going to tell you a little bit about how it
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: runs when I went for these IVF appointments. So of
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: course we went for the first time, we told about
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: our drugs, but what, what a normal day look like
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: is you would get there. I would leave at four
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: 30 in the morning and I would get there at
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: about six 30. Then I'd wait in my car for
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: 15 minutes, get upstairs for seven. You go, you do
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: your blood work and then you go and you do
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: your ultrasound. So they're like checking your follicles, which was
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: insane to see. I watched it and just seeing like
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: My ovaries are ginormous now and they're just full of
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: all these like black bubbles. Those are, those are the eggs,
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: which is super interesting. And then after the ultrasound, you
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: wait to talk to the doctor. So they kind of
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: like wait till I'll get there around 7 and then
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: I usually leave anywhere between like 11 and 2 p.m.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: So like it's a long day. but I met some
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: super cool people there. Like some people who knew who
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: I was, who approached me. And it was really interesting
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: because there are people who share their journeys too. And like,
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: they just said like, it's so important to share your journey,
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: which is what I want to do. So I really
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: want to leave the comments open below and not just
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: for me to comment, but for other people who have
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: gone through this IVF journey as well to kind of
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: comment their experiences. Cause I have never been a part
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: of such a loving community when it comes to other
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: women who have been through other people that have been
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: through this IVF journey, like It is crippling at times.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: It is very isolating at times. The rollercoaster of emotions
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: that you feel, the questions that like, you don't want
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: to feel dumb asking, but like you feel dumb asking
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: the women who have shown up for me and said, Selena,
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: this is what's next. This is the step has blown
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: my mind. I've never been thankful in my whole life.
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: So if you've been through this, or even if you
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: haven't been through this and you just have questions, I
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: really hope that you put them down below because it's
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: such an interesting experience to And I'm so scared for tomorrow.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: I don't want to cry. I have a really hard
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: time with medical stuff. I do. And I'm fine with, like,
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: taking blood and ultrasounds. But when it comes to any
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: kind of sedation or anything, I have very crippling anxiety.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: I have a really hard time going to the dentist. Like,
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: I go to a special dentist who works on, like,
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: children a lot. Obviously, I'm not a child. Um... I
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: look so strange. It's so, I'm not wearing any makeup also.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: We all natural. I got those lash extensions, but I just,
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: I keep catching myself and I'm like, work on this
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: before your daughter comes, okay? Cause shit is, you love
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: yourself as hard as you can, even though you do.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: Talking about reflection. Personally, me, I'm interesting. I don't drink alcohol.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: I don't drink caffeine. I don't smoke marijuana. I don't
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: take any medications. I don't do anything that alters my being.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: I have a really, really, really, really big fear of
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: feeling out of control. And I think it kind of
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: comes from my anxiety and like self-medicating has never worked
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: for me. Like I feel most in control when I'm
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: sober and I'm in control of the situation. I honestly
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: just think that's because of like childhood dramas and stuff
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: like that. So knowing that I'm going to be away
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: from Adam and you know, being under sedation. Also, I
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: have zero pain tolerance. Like it's really bad. I had
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: a kidney stone a few years ago and after that
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: kidney stone, I could no longer tolerate pain at all.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: I don't know what happened when that kidney stone happened
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: or what happened to the pain receptors in my body.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: So I'm really scared because if you've ever heard about
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: the procedure for IVF, the doctor is going to go
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: in with the IV wand and then he's going to.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: Send a needle through the vaginal wall into your ovary
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: and use a little vacuum to suck out the follicles.
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: And they do twilight sedation. In America, you know, I
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: feel like America has a down pat. In Canada, I
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: just feel like there is not enough like pain things.
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: They do twilight sedation. And I got told that my
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: doctor is the absolute best when it comes to twilight sedation.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: And he's going to make sure that I am like,
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: I am out.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: I am disappeared. And I even talked to him when
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: I told him the other day, I said, you need
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: to make sure that I'm I'm not here for this.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: That's how they do it. They like put a needle
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: in and then apparently the worst part, here I am
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: thinking I just need to get through the injections and
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: then the rest will be a cakewalk. No, apparently, especially
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: because I'm at risk for OHSS, the most painful time
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: for me can be after and especially like trying to
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: have a bowel movement or going pee. Apparently it's going
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: to be really, really, really, really painful. So I'm getting
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: this done now. The video here, and the reason why
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: I wanted to film it today, the day before my...
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: is because my retrieval is on Friday, and I'm going
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: to find out how many eggs I have. And I'm
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: posting this, obviously, today, which is Saturday, so I can
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: add a clip saying how many eggs we got. But
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: the crazy part is waiting after that, because once those
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: eggs are taken out, then they get fertilized with... Adam.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: There's no way to say this that isn't weird. That
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: isn't going to feel weird. And then we find out
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: how many of them make it to being embryos. Then,
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: because I've had so many miscarriages in the past, which
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: could be, you know, just because of my uterus or
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: if not, then we're sending them off for genetic testing
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: to make sure none of them have abnormalities. And then
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: within the next couple weeks, it looks like... we will
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: be transferring to our amazing surrogate. And I told my surrogate,
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I can say her name, so
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: that's why I'm just calling her my surrogate, because I
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: just want to respect that. I need to talk to
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: her about that. I told her, and I'm going to cry.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: Every single Christmas, I would go out, and I would
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: go to Canadian Tire, and I would buy a baby
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: girl ornament and a baby boy ornament, and I would
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: hang them on the back of my tree when nobody
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: would see them. And that would just be me manifesting
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: that a baby would come to us in that year.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: And the last year was the year I didn't put
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: them out. And it was just because I pulled that
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: box out and that box was so big and so
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: full because we've been playing this game since 2014. That's
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: 10 years. That's 10 years. I'm just very emotional right now.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: And I think for the first time, no matter how
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: many different appointments I've had, no matter how many letdowns,
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: no matter the thousands of dollars on pregnancy tests I've
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: done over the years, it's the first time in my
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: life where it just feels like this is going to happen.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: And now I'm like, am I ready? I'm freaking out.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: I'm panicked, but I am. I'm ready and I'm excited.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: And I feel honored that you guys are a part
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: of this journey together. And that you want to be
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: a part of this journey because a big truth is
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: that when it comes to this, I wouldn't be doing
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: this right now if it wasn't for you guys. Not
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: only is this journey expensive, but I don't think I
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: ever would have been able to connect with CFC families.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: I don't think I would have known the resources. I
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: don't think I would have been visible enough for them
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: to see me. So I just want to say, you guys,
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: if you are thinking about being a surrogate, check out
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: CFC families. And if you are, you know, within the
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: area of like Toronto, I really do recommend Create. I
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: feel like there's so many things I didn't touch on.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to be doing a part two, obviously.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: We're going to be finding out in December if this
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: baby year is coming or not. So obviously we would
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: have some kind of announcement video like that, which is crazy.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: Because every time I'd scroll, every person's scroll is full
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: of like people peeing on pregnancy tests and people doing
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: gender reveals and people doing all of these different, you know,
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: things about pregnancy. And every time I scroll, I just
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: feel like I will never have that. And now I
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: kind of will. So. And we're saying we're speaking it
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: into existence because it's going to happen. Because we've spoken
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: it into existence. But yes, from here, enjoy some clips.
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: Hopefully I'm high as hell. In a funny way. Hopefully
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: I'm high as hell in a funny way. And I
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: hope I come to you with good news. I hope
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: they got a bunch of eggs. It's going to be
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: really hard watching this back if something didn't go well.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: What are you doing? I just drank a liter of
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: Gatorade today. Yeah. You want a liter of cola? No,
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: it's like a Gatorade or a Gatorade. Yeah, a liter
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: of cola? I don't know. I feel like I better
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: not go in. Oh, it's you. I thought I had
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: to go. No, don't go to the light.