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8-Minute MindShift Wk 2 · Mental Health and the Mission of the Church

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hey everybody, thanks so much for being a part of this eight-minute mind shift.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I love talking about this stuff, and I hope you guys are getting something out of it.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: What are you passionate about?
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: When you're passionate about something, you know, your voice changes, you might get more animated, you might even stand up on your tiptoes.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm passionate about how we become the way that we are.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because I believe how we become the way that we are is the key to understanding how to change, and it's the key to having grace for ourselves and others while we're changing.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: So, what I want to do today is talk to you about a couple of things that kind of help me when I think about people, work with people, look at myself in the mirror, and just generally try to try to decipher how we become the way that we are.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever met someone and almost instantly you kind of knew, you know what, we're not gonna get along all that well.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: We're just not gonna be best buds.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you kind of saw some things that, or they gave off some energy that just made you uncomfortable.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: And then later, whether it was a day, a week, or a month, you heard their story or you heard how they became the person that they now are, and you felt ashamed of yourself for judging them.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the deal, guys.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: All of us started at a different place in the race, and we're all doing the best we can.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: And if we're not careful, we'll judge people not knowing the story of how they became the way they are, and it makes us respond to them in a very ungracious, unkind way.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: One of my goals almost anytime I talk is what I call, I want to raise the grace level.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: I want to help us to see each other, respond to each other, and interact with each other, work with each other with the highest possible level of grace.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I want us to lower the bar, raise the grace, but lower the bar of what's required for us to feel good about ourselves.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because the truth of the matter is, every one of us is wrestling with something, and if we don't appear to be wrestling with something, we're just hiding things better than the rest of you.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: And uh not a great thing to do.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: So, what I want to do over the weeks that we're gonna be doing this is I want to try to gain some insight into the wonderful, cool way that God designed our personalities and our relationships to work.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: And it's all tied up in how we become the people that we are.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna show you something that I hope you'll be able to see okay.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: And what it says is in childhood, the outside shapes the inside.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: In childhood, the outside shapes the inside.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: And then in adulthood, the inside shaped in childhood is what shapes the outside.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, in adulthood, we build around us the kind of relationships, expectations, and different things that reflect how we feel about ourselves that was put into us in childhood.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: So are you saying, dude, that here, you know, you're one of those counselor types, and and you're saying that all this stuff goes back to our childhood?
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's pretty much what I'm saying.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: I really believe 90% or better of what we deal with in our adult life goes back to our childhood.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I just want to give you a few thoughts that I've used over the years to help me think about people, what they're dealing with, and how to help them not feel ashamed because of the different things they're having to deal with.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: How many have ever done something that didn't work and then did it again?
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: How many have ever did it again and then again and again?
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: The bottom line that we've got to understand is this anything we do makes sense to us somewhere deep inside, or we wouldn't do it.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: If we don't get some kind of a payoff for what we do, we don't repeat it.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: So anything we repeat is somehow meeting a need.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: Now, what what need might it be?
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: It might be a need from way back in our childhood that never was met properly, so we've never learned a healthy way to get that need met, and we're just trying to use whatever means we can to try to address that.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: So let me just give you a few thoughts that I call it grace for the race.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: It just helps me in the way that I respond to people.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: So my first thought would be this: I really believe all of us are doing the best we can with what we have.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: Every one of us is doing the best we can with what life has given us.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Did you get to pick the family you were born into?
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Did do you remember being a disembodied spirit floating around and God came to you and said, Chipper, would you be Leroy and Emily's number six of seven kids and grow up on 70 South Nicholas in Tanawanda, New York?
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, if you were remember that, we really need to pray for you because that's that's that's not cool.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: The bottom line is I didn't get to pick my parents.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Do you remember God coming to you and filling out a preference sheet?
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted father who's warm and affectionate and available and kind.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: I by the way, maybe he's wealthy.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: I want a mom who's sensitive and available.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Uh anybody remember that?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely not.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the deal: if you didn't get to pick your family, then you didn't get to pick what I call your start-up set of beliefs about how life works.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: You just learned whatever your family was teaching, whatever your family was practicing.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: And quite honestly, in every family, there's parts of that that are just not healthy.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Hurt people, hurt people.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: Is life fair?
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think so.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: Are are uh are all people equal?
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Depends on how you mean that.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: Are all people equal in value?
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Are they all equal in preparation and placement for succeeding at life and relationships?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I think the answer is no.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: I think sometimes people are born into situations that do not give them a very fulfilling, helpful toolbox, and then we judge them later because they're not managing areas areas of their life as well as we think they ought to be able to.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: And by the way, everything I'm saying applies to ourselves first.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I believe all of us are doing the best we can with what we have.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: I believe this thought, if it's going to be, thank God, it's not up to me.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Philippians 2.13 says this, for it is God who's at work in you, both to will and to do of his good pleasure.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: I believe the most important things you and I can do are show up, bring ourselves in front of God, and then say yes, Lord.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: Two of the most powerful words in the English language when put together properly.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: God, I'm here, and I want to submit to whatever you're trying to show me about myself.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Another important factor, if you're gonna have grace for yourself and others, is this change is a process, not an event.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: What does that mean?
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna take T-I-M-E.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: A friend of mine one time told me that he he uh researched the word suddenly, something that happens quickly and awesomely, and it was in the Bible 41 times.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: And then he looked up the phrase, it shall come to pass, which implies a process, and it's in the Bible 450 times.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Change is a process, not an event.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: And you and I have got to learn that the stuff that's made us the way we are happened at times in our life before we were able to change it, and now it's our challenge to allow God and others to help us pull things up from our childhood, look at them, and decide whether we want to keep them, alter them, or get rid of them.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: And that's really what change is all about.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the deal, guys have grace for yourself while God's working on changing you.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Love you guys.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: See you next time.