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Andy Stanley - Goal Setting in the Life of a Leader Who Before What From the Vault · Andy Stanley Sermons

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Speaker 1: Welcome to the Andy Stanley Leadership Podcast, a conversation designed
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Speaker 1: to help leaders go further faster.
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Speaker 2: On today's podcast.
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Speaker 1: We'll explore the importance of goal setting in the life
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Speaker 1: of a leader.
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Speaker 2: Andy, A lot of.
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Speaker 1: Us are repeating our annual attempt to make and keep
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Speaker 1: New Year's resolutions. Yep, having known you for quite a while,
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Speaker 1: I know you're not really into those.
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Speaker 3: Well, I'm not a big goal setter. I have four
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Speaker 3: or five goals that hang on a little court board
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Speaker 3: in my closet at home, and I basically update those
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Speaker 3: every year.
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Speaker 4: But that's pretty much it.
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Speaker 3: I don't have a sophisticated system, and I have friends
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Speaker 3: that have these very sophisticated systems. In some cases, they
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Speaker 3: pay lots of money to take classes on how to
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Speaker 3: set sophisticated goals. In fact, I actually went to an
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Speaker 3: orientation one time where there was a company trying to
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Speaker 3: sell this sort of package. It was all about this
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Speaker 3: way of setting goals. I was so exhausted by the
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Speaker 3: end of the orientation, and it was so funny, Lane,
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Speaker 3: because I had friends that were with me. Several of
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Speaker 3: us went and they could not wait to sign up.
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Speaker 3: And I told him, I said, you don't need this.
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Speaker 4: You already do this. You're so wired this way.
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Speaker 3: Anyway, why would you pay someone to help you do
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Speaker 3: what you naturally do? Anyway, I'm the one that needs
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Speaker 3: the help, but I didn't sign up for the class.
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Speaker 3: So goals are very, very important. I think everybody in
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Speaker 3: our listening audience has set a goal for you know,
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Speaker 3: at some point along the way. I just think some
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Speaker 3: people are more oriented that way than others.
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Speaker 1: So then does that mean you don't want to talk.
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Speaker 2: About goal setting?
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Speaker 4: Not really?
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Speaker 2: Okay?
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Speaker 3: Actually I have a funny story about goal setting, and
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Speaker 3: I don't think I've shared this with our podcast listeners.
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Speaker 3: But when I was in high school, stop me if
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Speaker 3: I've told you this before. When I was in high school,
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Speaker 3: my dad, who is like a huge goal setter. I mean,
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Speaker 3: there's goals all over his office and he you know,
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Speaker 3: I grew up in that culture, which was wonderful, and
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Speaker 3: so he was so frustrated with me because I didn't
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Speaker 3: have any goals. So he gave me a little book
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Speaker 3: on goal setting and put me in his office, his
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Speaker 3: home office, with a yellow ledger pad and a pen,
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Speaker 3: and he said, I want you to read this chapter
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Speaker 3: in this book and then set some goals and I'll
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Speaker 3: come back and check on you.
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Speaker 2: How many weeks later is that?
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Speaker 3: Yeah? You know how effective that was? And I just
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Speaker 3: remember I can still remember sitting there. I must have
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Speaker 3: been maybe a senior in high school, just locked up,
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Speaker 3: like I don't know what to write, you know, and
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Speaker 3: he's going to come check on me, it says, sure enough.
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Speaker 4: You know.
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Speaker 3: He comes back a little bit later and I read
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Speaker 3: the chapter and I had not written one single thing,
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Speaker 3: and I knew he thought to himself, Oh no, my
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Speaker 3: son's never going to amount to anything. So maybe that's
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Speaker 3: maybe that's why I have such an aversion of goals.
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Speaker 1: I don't know, well, Andy, having watched you for years,
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Speaker 1: I know you set goals.
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Speaker 2: They're just not I guess what would call traditional goals.
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Speaker 4: Yeah.
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Speaker 3: One of the things that I teach leaders, especially college
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Speaker 3: leaders or college students, is that it's a mistake. It's
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Speaker 3: always a mistake to decide what you're going to do
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Speaker 3: before you've determined who or what you want to be.
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Speaker 3: When I say what you want to be, I don't
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Speaker 3: mean professionally, I mean what you want to be or
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Speaker 3: what kind of person you want to be. It's always
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Speaker 3: a mistake to determine what you're going to do before
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Speaker 3: you decide what you're going to be, because as we
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Speaker 3: all know, and those of us who are adults, we
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Speaker 3: know who we are and who we've become on the
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Speaker 3: inside finds its way into all the things that we do.
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Speaker 3: You know, I can set all kinds of goals as
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Speaker 3: a father, but if there are things on the inside
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Speaker 3: of me that aren't right, they're going to be manifested
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Speaker 3: in the way that I parent, the same way in
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Speaker 3: my leadership with my friends, with my health, with everything else.
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Speaker 3: So before we focus on to do goals, I am
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Speaker 3: a firm believer we have to focus on to be
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Speaker 3: goals or what we want to be. So today in
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Speaker 3: our podcast, I thought it would be fun because I
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Speaker 3: know everybody listening is a leader and they already have
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Speaker 3: goals set, so I assume we probably are, you know,
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Speaker 3: all pretty good at that. But fundamentally, it's a mistake
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Speaker 3: to decide what we're going to do before we've determine
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Speaker 3: who or what we want to be. So I thought
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Speaker 3: it'd be fun to talk about that.
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Speaker 1: Well, Andy, you know what you're saying. The implications for
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Speaker 1: leaders are obvious. I mean, if an average person gets
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Speaker 1: that out of order, they decide what they're going to
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Speaker 1: do before they decide what they want to be, they
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Speaker 1: can they can damage themselves, maybe their family. But if
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Speaker 1: a leader gets that wrong, it can hurt a lot
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Speaker 1: of people.
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Speaker 3: You're exactly right, Lane, Our decisions impact the people around us,
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Speaker 3: and the more influence we have and the more resources
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Speaker 3: we have, and the more people who are depending on
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Speaker 3: us for their personal resources, the more people we potentially
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Speaker 3: hurt when we don't get this right. And in fact,
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Speaker 3: it's so interesting to say that because this idea or
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Speaker 3: the impetus behind this idea of setting some or creating
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Speaker 3: some b goals, not just some do goals, happened at
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Speaker 3: a time when I sat I remember sitting on my
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Speaker 3: couch watching two very high profile religious leaders fall apart publicly,
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Speaker 3: you know, nationally, really internationally. Two guys that were at
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Speaker 3: the top of their game, plenty of resources, lots of
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Speaker 3: people around them, two international ministries, and on one guy
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Speaker 3: in trouble morally, and the other one got in trouble financially.
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Speaker 3: And when I say in trouble financially, they misused funds.
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Speaker 3: One of these guys went to jail, perhaps the other
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Speaker 3: guys should have gone to jail. And I remember sitting
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Speaker 3: there thinking, Wow, that could happen to me. I mean,
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Speaker 3: they know everything. They don't lack insight, they don't like resource,
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Speaker 3: they don't lack education.
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Speaker 4: I mean, they don't.
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Speaker 3: Lack leadership skills. They had all of that. That's why
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Speaker 3: they were so well known. But something on the inside,
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Speaker 3: something went wrong. And I remember sitting there, really literally
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Speaker 3: thinking what can I do as a young leader to
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Speaker 3: keep that from happening to me? Because I would be
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Speaker 3: naive to think that I'm going to be so careful
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Speaker 3: and so slick and you know, so educated that somehow
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Speaker 3: I would be immune to that.
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Speaker 1: All Right, So you're sitting there as a young leader
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Speaker 1: and you're seeing this and the fallout from it.
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Speaker 2: What did you decide to do?
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Speaker 4: Well?
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Speaker 3: Again, you look back and piece things together. As it
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Speaker 3: turned out, I had just begun, or I think I
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Speaker 3: had just begun reading Stephen Covey's book Seven Habits of
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Speaker 3: Highly Effective People, a book that hopefully all of our
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Speaker 3: listeners have read. And generally, when I read a book,
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Speaker 3: and I bet a lot of our listeners this way,
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Speaker 3: you know, I read kind of quick.
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Speaker 4: I tend to speed read.
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Speaker 3: I read with a marker that slows me down. But
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Speaker 3: when I get to a section of a book where
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Speaker 3: the reader wants me to stop reading and like think
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Speaker 3: about something or work through an exercise, I just plow
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Speaker 3: on through because you know, the goal is to finish
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Speaker 3: the book. You know, learn what you can, but you
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Speaker 3: got to finish this book, move on to the next book. Well,
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Speaker 3: I think you know the perfect storm. I'm watching this
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Speaker 3: stuff unfold and again, our leadership, our podcast listeners, they
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Speaker 3: don't have to look very far to see the same
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Speaker 3: kind of thing that happens in business all the time.
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Speaker 3: Smart educated people make terrible personal decisions and people are impacted.
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Speaker 3: So it's certainly not unique to ministry. So I'm reading
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Speaker 3: the book, I'm watching this happen, and I get to
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Speaker 3: the section in the book where Stephen Covey recommends that
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Speaker 3: everyone do a personal profile by thinking through what they
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Speaker 3: would want the different important people in their lives to
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Speaker 3: say about them at their funeral. So he says, imagine
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Speaker 3: it's your funeral and your spouse is going to speak,
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Speaker 3: your coach is going to speak, a teacher, your best friend,
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Speaker 3: someone you work with, someone you work for, a childhood friend.
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Speaker 3: He gives several categories, and he tells the readers to
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Speaker 3: actually write down what you would want each of those
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Speaker 3: people to.
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Speaker 4: Say at your funeral.
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Speaker 3: And I actually stopped and did that, which I don't
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Speaker 3: normally do.
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Speaker 2: And you didn't have a spouse at the time, Yeah,
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Speaker 2: that's true.
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Speaker 4: I don't think I was.
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Speaker 2: No I was.
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Speaker 3: I don't think I was married yet, but I actually
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Speaker 3: and again he said, you know, what would you want
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Speaker 3: your kids to say? So I remember getting I got
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Speaker 3: out a notebook and I thought, okay, I'm going to
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Speaker 3: do this. This seems like a very profound exercise. I
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Speaker 3: had no idea just how profound it was going to be.
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Speaker 3: So I actually wrote.
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Speaker 4: A paragraph or two.
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Speaker 3: Once I got into this, I sort of became the
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Speaker 3: speech writer what would I want to be said about
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Speaker 3: me at my funeral? And the staggering realization or the
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Speaker 3: staggering insight for me, which I think is true for
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Speaker 3: anybody he's gone through this exercise, is that it had
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Speaker 3: I didn't have anyone saying anything about anything I did.
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Speaker 4: There was one person I imagined going.
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Speaker 3: He was such a good speaker, he built such a
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Speaker 3: big ministry. I mean, at that point, I'd say in
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Speaker 3: my life. But exactly, I guess you know, at that
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Speaker 3: point after my life, none of those things were important.
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Speaker 3: And then later in that same section, he goes on
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Speaker 3: to say that what you discover in that exercise is
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Speaker 3: your personal definition of success.
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Speaker 4: And I just remember thinking, that's exactly right.
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Speaker 3: I have just discovered what success really is to me
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Speaker 3: because I've just thought through what I want to have
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Speaker 3: said about me when all is said and done, and
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Speaker 3: when I've done all the doing I'm going to do.
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Speaker 3: I don't even care if anybody talks about that. So
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Speaker 3: that drove me then to begin to think through, Okay,
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Speaker 3: then if that's what I want to have said, if
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Speaker 3: that really is my personal definition of success, I've got
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Speaker 3: to capture this in a way that I can carry
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Speaker 3: it with me. It would be a mistake to say, hey,
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Speaker 3: that was a great exercise. I'm going to move on
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Speaker 3: finish the book.
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Speaker 4: And so that's what drove me to create these b
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Speaker 4: goals that I talk about.
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Speaker 1: So Annie, what did these end up looking like? Were
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Speaker 1: they statements? Were they was it a mission statement?
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Speaker 2: What does this look like.
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Speaker 4: When you make an egal question? For me?
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Speaker 3: Again, I I had this had to be portable, this
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Speaker 3: had to be something that was going to stick with me,
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Speaker 3: and so I came up with twelve words.
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Speaker 4: I don't know why they were twelve.
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Speaker 3: Twelve was too many, so I tried to get it
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Speaker 3: down to seven because I'm a Christian and that's the
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Speaker 3: perfect number. I thought maybe three. Anyway, this isn't very
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Speaker 3: romantic or cool. But I ended up with nine words,
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Speaker 3: and I just they weren't sentences, they weren't statements, just
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Speaker 3: nine words that I felt like, these are the things
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Speaker 3: that I want to describe me now. It was interesting
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Speaker 3: because I went ahead and finished the book, and I
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Speaker 3: had all this stuff I was working on, and then
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Speaker 3: somebody handed me another book. It was and it wasn't
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Speaker 3: even a good book. I wouldn't even say the title
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Speaker 3: because I don't want it wasn't that great of a book.
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Speaker 4: But there was. But you know how that is.
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Speaker 3: But there was one great takeaway from this book, and
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Speaker 3: the author said that when you set a goal, you
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Speaker 3: should answer the question why, why is this important?
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Speaker 4: What's it? In other words, here's a goal I want
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Speaker 4: to accomplish. What's at stake? What happens if I don't
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Speaker 4: accomplish this?
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Speaker 3: What's at stake? If I do what hangs in the balance.
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Speaker 3: And I thought that's a great question. So then I
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Speaker 3: went back to my nine words, and I asked the question, why,
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Speaker 3: why should I do this? What's at stake if I don't?
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Speaker 3: So I had my nine words and I had my
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Speaker 3: nine answers to the question why. And I'm telling you,
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Speaker 3: laying this early on in my leadership created really a
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Speaker 3: perimeter around my behavior. And I want to talk in
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Speaker 3: a minute about why that's so important, But this was
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Speaker 3: very time consuming.
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Speaker 4: And again I'm not normally one.
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Speaker 3: To stop and you know, do that sort of stuff,
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Speaker 3: but I'm telling you it really really marked me. And
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Speaker 3: from that point on that had really has been the
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Speaker 3: foundation not only of my leadership, but of all the
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Speaker 3: other goals that I might set that.
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Speaker 4: Would be more oriented toward things I do.
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Speaker 2: Well, can you give us an example of maybe a
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Speaker 2: word or the question they're going to ask that?
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Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, in the early days, I used to
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Speaker 3: give people all nine of my words, and you know
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Speaker 3: what they would do as I would listing my words,
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Speaker 3: what do you think they did?
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Speaker 2: Well? What I would do is I would go this
11:04
Speaker 2: sound good to me, I'll use your words.
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Speaker 3: I would see people pull out their pens, and they
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Speaker 3: would write my words downs right, and I because I
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Speaker 3: used to teach this, and I would say, wait.
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Speaker 4: I would think, wait a minute, those are my words. Yeah,
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Speaker 4: you got to get your own words. So I'm going.
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Speaker 3: To I want to give you a couple of examples,
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Speaker 3: just to get us thinking about this.
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Speaker 4: One of my words was honest. I mean, how original.
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Speaker 3: In fact, if I gave you all nine of these,
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Speaker 3: none of these are unusual. He would say, well, Andy,
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Speaker 3: aren't those things everybody's supposed to be I'd say, yeah,
11:35
Speaker 3: but these are.
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Speaker 4: Things that emerge.
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Speaker 3: They literally emerged from these many you know, conversations or
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Speaker 3: things I wanted people to say about me. So one
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Speaker 3: of the words was honest. So I asked the question,
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Speaker 3: why is that important? I mean, I know it's I'm
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Speaker 3: a Christian, it's a Bible thing. You know, we teach
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Speaker 3: our children to be honest. But think about this, Why
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Speaker 3: what is at stake if I choose to be dishonest?
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Speaker 3: That's a really important question. So so again, you could
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Speaker 3: write a book on the answer to that question. So
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Speaker 3: I thought and thought and thought and for me, and
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Speaker 3: you may not love my answer. For me, the answer
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Speaker 3: was that dishonesty erodes relationships. You know, I like to
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Speaker 3: make things short and memorable, and that was it. Dishonesty
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Speaker 3: erode relationships, and that trust is the currency of relationships.
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Speaker 4: We all know that.
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Speaker 3: So being honest, you know, that's kind of a nice thing.
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Speaker 3: We should all be honest. But I when I'm tempted
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Speaker 3: to lie or not tell the whole truth, or to
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Speaker 3: try to look better than I really am by you know, posing,
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Speaker 3: or again just being dishonest, I'm struck with the fact Andy,
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Speaker 3: if you choose to be dishonest, you are going to
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Speaker 3: erode this relationship. Do you really want to erode your
12:40
Speaker 3: relationship with Lane? Do you really want to erode your
12:42
Speaker 3: relationship with Sandra? Do you want to erode your relationship
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Speaker 3: with Garrett, your son or your.
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Speaker 4: Andrew or you know.
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Speaker 3: So it's not just a matter of being Sunday School honest.
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Speaker 3: All of a sudden, I know what's at stake. Dishonesty
12:54
Speaker 3: erodes relationship. So of course some of you've heard me
12:57
Speaker 3: tell this story, Like you know, when I was my kids,
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Speaker 3: I used to tell them, the worst thing you can
13:02
Speaker 3: do is tell Hellhi, the worst thing you can do
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Speaker 3: is tell lie?
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Speaker 4: Why?
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Speaker 3: Because dishonesty dishonesty erodes a relationship. Well that came directly
13:09
Speaker 3: from this sort of wake up call, you know, years
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Speaker 3: and years ago. So again, nine words, nine statements. I
13:17
Speaker 3: guess you want me to give you another one.
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Speaker 4: I'm gonna look at my head. Oh gosh. Dependable.
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Speaker 3: One of my words was dependable that if I told
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Speaker 3: somebody I was going to do something, they didn't have
13:30
Speaker 3: to worry about it. They didn't have to calm me,
13:32
Speaker 3: they didn't have to remind me. That if I said
13:34
Speaker 3: I was going to do something, then I would be dependable.
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Speaker 3: So I asked the question, because I in my little
13:39
Speaker 3: funeral deal, I you know, somebody stood up and said
13:41
Speaker 3: Andy was dependable. If he said he was going to
13:43
Speaker 3: do it, you could always depend on Andy. I would
13:45
Speaker 3: love for somebody to say that, well, why what's at stake?
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Speaker 3: Well again, you think, and you think, and you know
13:52
Speaker 3: it's important. But why is it important? I realized, Well,
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Speaker 3: it's important because my willingness to be dependable really determines
13:59
Speaker 3: my reputation more than my promises, more than my words.
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Speaker 3: That my consistency when I say I'm going to do
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Speaker 3: something and I do it, or say I won't and
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Speaker 3: I won't that really ultimately determines what you think about
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Speaker 3: me when you think about me, and that was important
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Speaker 3: to me. So again it being dependable. It's not just
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Speaker 3: the nice well, we should all be dependable. Suddenly there
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Speaker 3: was something at stake. So for each of these nine words,
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Speaker 3: I went through and forced myself to ask the question why, why, why,
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Speaker 3: what's at stake?
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Speaker 4: Why is this important?
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Speaker 3: And again every time I answered that question again, it's
14:29
Speaker 3: like a little bit higher fence went up around my behavior.
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Speaker 3: And whenever I was or continued to be tempted to
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Speaker 3: move outside that you know, perimeter of these nine words,
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Speaker 3: it really strikes hard at my conscience again because years
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Speaker 3: ago I decided this isn't an issue of just being
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Speaker 3: a nice guy. This is success or failure for me
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Speaker 3: as a person.
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Speaker 1: When you talk about that, I kind of think about
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Speaker 1: it in the context of you know, our friendship and
14:57
Speaker 1: then you as my boss, and I see how that's
14:59
Speaker 1: all played out. But one of the things that struck me,
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Speaker 1: and I think a lot of our listeners could could
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Speaker 1: really identify with this, is you as a communicator. This
15:07
Speaker 1: whole idea of being committed to honesty. You know that
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Speaker 1: dishonesty erodes relationships. The authenticity with which you speak and
15:16
Speaker 1: you present yourself, I think has created a relationship between
15:21
Speaker 1: you and people who who have never met you, who
15:24
Speaker 1: don't know you. But it's because you've been authentic. It's
15:27
Speaker 1: because you've been honest and you haven't, as you said,
15:30
Speaker 1: posed or put something.
15:31
Speaker 2: Else up there.
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Speaker 1: I you know, and you've experienced countless times that people
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Speaker 1: have that relationship.
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Speaker 2: And I think that's a huge win for a communicator.
15:39
Speaker 4: Well, it's funny you say this.
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Speaker 3: And I don't know if I guess our podcast listeners
15:43
Speaker 3: think that we script all of this stuff, and sometimes
15:45
Speaker 3: we do and sometimes we don't.
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Speaker 4: And today isn't very scripted.
15:48
Speaker 3: But I'll share one more because one of my other
15:51
Speaker 3: nine words is the word transparent. And I have always
15:56
Speaker 3: tried to be very transparent with my friends, maybe sometimes
15:59
Speaker 3: too much, and transparent my communication. And and and again
16:02
Speaker 3: I asked the question, why is that important? Why is
16:04
Speaker 3: it important?
16:05
Speaker 4: And it's because bad things grow in the dark. They
16:09
Speaker 4: just do.
16:09
Speaker 3: We know that secrets are not good things. And we
16:12
Speaker 3: have all seen people who have carried things in the
16:15
Speaker 3: darkness of their soul and their heart, and eventually they surface,
16:17
Speaker 3: and they always surface at dangerous and difficult times, where
16:20
Speaker 3: they surface in dangerous times and they create difficult circumstances.
16:24
Speaker 3: So early on I just decided, I, you know, I
16:28
Speaker 3: want to be as transparent as is.
16:30
Speaker 4: Comfortable for other people.
16:31
Speaker 3: I remember when Sandra and I first got married, and
16:34
Speaker 3: I would be speaking and I would be like, really transparent,
16:36
Speaker 3: and I realized, okay, once you get married, you can't
16:39
Speaker 3: be quite so trump. I mean, I would make her
16:41
Speaker 3: uncomfortable with my transparency.
16:43
Speaker 4: So I learned, you know, you have.
16:43
Speaker 2: Some guys haven't learned that last no, but they're really.
16:46
Speaker 4: Interesting to listen to.
16:48
Speaker 3: I have this picture of their wife sitting there on
16:49
Speaker 3: the front road going, oh, really, I don't think I
16:52
Speaker 3: can go to your church anymore, honey. So so again
16:57
Speaker 3: that that was that was one of those things, And
16:59
Speaker 3: I'm glad. Do you feel like that has been transparent
17:02
Speaker 3: in communication?
17:04
Speaker 1: And you want to go back to something you mentioned
17:06
Speaker 1: just a few minutes ago that as you were going
17:09
Speaker 1: through this process, that these words, these questions became more
17:13
Speaker 1: than a list of Sunday School thou shalt, thou shalt
17:16
Speaker 1: not ste They took on a bigger meaning.
17:18
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I did allude to this but let me
17:20
Speaker 3: see if I can say it better again. Because this
17:23
Speaker 3: exercise helped helped me, and I think it would help
17:25
Speaker 3: anybody discover their personal definition of success. Then whenever I
17:30
Speaker 3: would wander outside the perimeter that these words set up
17:33
Speaker 3: for my behavior, it was more than simply doing a
17:36
Speaker 3: bad thing, or you know, I can use religious terms.
17:38
Speaker 3: It was more than just a sin.
17:40
Speaker 4: It was bigger than that. It was failure.
17:42
Speaker 3: If this, If success for me is honesty, then dishonesty
17:47
Speaker 3: is failure.
17:48
Speaker 4: If success for.
17:49
Speaker 3: Me is purity, remaining morally pure, then impurity is its failure.
17:54
Speaker 3: And so again, when when when these terms and these
17:57
Speaker 3: ideas were couched in that way, I'm telling you what.
18:01
Speaker 3: I found it so much easier to say no to opportunity,
18:04
Speaker 3: no to money, no to shortcuts, no to relationship, no
18:08
Speaker 3: to a whole lot of things I needed to say
18:10
Speaker 3: no to because it wasn't just a matter of good
18:12
Speaker 3: and bad, right and wrong.
18:14
Speaker 4: It was success or failure.
18:16
Speaker 3: Because I had discovered at the end of my life,
18:19
Speaker 3: if that's what was most important to me, then this
18:22
Speaker 3: was a really big deal.
18:23
Speaker 4: And and I have tried to lead.
18:24
Speaker 3: I've led several small groups of young men specifically through
18:28
Speaker 3: this exercise. And even though I tell them my story,
18:32
Speaker 3: when they discovered it for themselves there it almost takes
18:34
Speaker 3: your breath away when you realize, Wow, as much as
18:38
Speaker 3: I may think money is what's most important to me,
18:40
Speaker 3: as much as I may think certain pleasures are most
18:43
Speaker 3: important to me, at the end of the day, I
18:45
Speaker 3: don't care if anybody talks about that stuff or not.
18:48
Speaker 3: So again, I think it creates the foundation for all
18:51
Speaker 3: the do goals, once we determine what are who we
18:54
Speaker 3: want to be.
18:55
Speaker 1: Andy, as we've been talking about this, it reminds me
18:57
Speaker 1: actually of something you talked about that really our definition
19:01
Speaker 1: of success comes down to the story we want to tell.
19:04
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, we talked about this important question of what
19:07
Speaker 3: story do I want to tell? And that's what this is, right,
19:09
Speaker 3: And because when you go through that exercise or similar exercise,
19:13
Speaker 3: I'm sure there are other exercises people have read about
19:16
Speaker 3: that accomplished the same thing. But when you go through
19:20
Speaker 3: an exercise like this, you discover in very vivid detail
19:25
Speaker 3: the story you want told about you, which is the
19:28
Speaker 3: story that ultimately you would like to tell. And I
19:32
Speaker 3: think the clearer that is for us, and the more
19:35
Speaker 3: clarity we have around that, in the clarity around the
19:38
Speaker 3: discovery that it's not so much about what I do,
19:41
Speaker 3: because again, after we leave home, nobody, there is nobody
19:45
Speaker 3: in our lives for the most part, that are going
19:48
Speaker 3: to push us to become better people. We're just going
19:50
Speaker 3: to be pushed to do bigger and better things. But
19:54
Speaker 3: when we live every day with the reality of, you
19:56
Speaker 3: know what, as much as I want to accomplish and
19:58
Speaker 3: as big as I want to grow my company, as
20:00
Speaker 3: much money as I want to make, or because I
20:02
Speaker 3: want to grow my ministry, at the end of the day,
20:04
Speaker 3: I've already predetermined that that really is a success for me.
20:07
Speaker 4: That's fine.
20:08
Speaker 3: We love to grow things, we love progress, but I
20:10
Speaker 3: would never, never, never, want to sacrifice what I have
20:14
Speaker 3: already determined is success for me for the sake of
20:17
Speaker 3: material success or the rewards that come along with success.
20:20
Speaker 3: So it's a really powerful observation and it's a powerful discovery,
20:24
Speaker 3: and I think the earlier a leader discovers that, the better.
20:29
Speaker 1: All right, let me go back and ask the question
20:31
Speaker 1: that you've taught us to ask just a few minutes ago.
20:34
Speaker 2: What's at stake if we don't do this?
20:36
Speaker 4: You know that's such a great question. And here's what's
20:39
Speaker 4: at stake.
20:39
Speaker 3: A man or a woman can get through their most
20:41
Speaker 3: productive years in terms of business or ministry or building
20:46
Speaker 3: a company or a law practice or whatever it might be.
20:49
Speaker 3: You can get to the end of all that and
20:50
Speaker 3: be an absolute failure on the inside, and every man
20:54
Speaker 3: or woman knows they failed. In fact, come on, we're
20:57
Speaker 3: a ministry. We talked to many women all the time
20:58
Speaker 3: who are in late forties fifties who would love to
21:01
Speaker 3: go back and redo their thirties and forties. And they
21:04
Speaker 3: never want to go back and redo their business thirties
21:06
Speaker 3: and forties. They never want to go back and do
21:08
Speaker 3: their medical practice thirties and forties. They never want to
21:11
Speaker 3: go back and do their professional thirties and forties. They
21:14
Speaker 3: want to go back and do their relationship thirties and forties.
21:17
Speaker 3: They want to go back and do their character thirties
21:19
Speaker 3: and forties. Those are the deepest regrets. So at the
21:22
Speaker 3: end of the day, I think we all kind of
21:25
Speaker 3: intuitively know this is true. But if you don't predecide,
21:29
Speaker 3: and I think if you don't write it down, and
21:31
Speaker 3: if you don't write it down in a way that
21:32
Speaker 3: makes it memorable and portable life pushes us outside the
21:37
Speaker 3: parameters of what we know we ought to be and
21:40
Speaker 3: who we ought to be. And once you're outside those parameters,
21:43
Speaker 3: no matter what kind of success you have, you'll always
21:46
Speaker 3: know on the inside, I have failed myself. I have
21:50
Speaker 3: failed myself. No one else may know, but I know
21:53
Speaker 3: I have failed myself. And that's a tough regret to
21:56
Speaker 3: live with.
21:57
Speaker 2: Andy.
21:57
Speaker 1: As we wrap up our time today, any final thoughts.
22:00
Speaker 3: Yeah, this may sound simplistic, but I want to say
22:04
Speaker 3: something directly to our podcast listeners. Ladies and gentlemen, you're
22:08
Speaker 3: gonna be something. In fact, your husband or wife's already
22:11
Speaker 3: told you, Hey, you're something. Why not decide what you're
22:15
Speaker 3: going to be. I mean, it's not like there's no neutral.
22:18
Speaker 3: I mean we all end up somewhere in life. We
22:20
Speaker 3: just some of us get to choose where we want
22:22
Speaker 3: to be. So why not choose who you want to be?
22:25
Speaker 3: And why not take some time and think this through
22:28
Speaker 3: and write a few things down, And again, the sooner
22:31
Speaker 3: you do it, the better. Now, let me reframe our
22:33
Speaker 3: entire conversation, maybe in a way that brings some clarity
22:37
Speaker 3: some of you listening today, your life would be a
22:42
Speaker 3: You would be in a much better place in life
22:44
Speaker 3: if your father had worked through an exercise like this
22:48
Speaker 3: in his late twenties, or your mother had worked through
22:50
Speaker 3: an exercise like this and asked the question.
22:52
Speaker 4: Who do I want to be?
22:53
Speaker 3: If they're doing had been driven more by who they
22:57
Speaker 3: had decided to be ahead of time, you know what
23:00
Speaker 3: you experienced at home would be so different. Perhaps your
23:02
Speaker 3: parents would still be together, Perhaps you would have grown
23:04
Speaker 3: up with a father in the home if they had
23:07
Speaker 3: just decided, if someone had decided that being precedes doing,
23:10
Speaker 3: and being is more important than doing. On the flip side,
23:13
Speaker 3: your father may be your hero, your mother may be
23:15
Speaker 3: your hero. And if that's the case, then that I
23:18
Speaker 3: would guess that somewhere along the way they discovered this idea.
23:22
Speaker 3: They discovered that it's always a mistake to decide what
23:24
Speaker 3: you're going to do before you decide who you're going
23:27
Speaker 3: to be. And you have benefited greatly from their decision,
23:30
Speaker 3: and now you have the opportunity to do the same
23:33
Speaker 3: thing for your family, for your kids, for your marriage,
23:35
Speaker 3: and for their next generation.