Latest / Darren “Whackhead” Simpson’s prank calls on Kfm Mornings / Whackhead Prank: Fear of flying

Transcript

Whackhead Prank: Fear of flying · Darren “Whackhead” Simpson’s prank calls on Kfm Mornings

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Stop.
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  Speaker 2: Stop what you're doing.
• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Here is another world famous.
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  Speaker 3: Prank call from Darren Wackhead Simpson. Exclusive to KFM Mornings.
• 0:11
  Speaker 4: Okay.
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  Speaker 3: Do you have any phobias? Do you have any real
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  Speaker 3: debilitating phobias? Like a real phobia, not just, oh, I'm
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  Speaker 3: scared of spiders. Like a debilitating phobia where you are,
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  Speaker 3: it just arrests you. For me, mine's snakes. You know that,
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  Speaker 3: all right? Bring a snake in my presence, I swear
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  Speaker 3: I'll die of a heart attack.
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  Speaker 5: Mine used to be birds. I would like get anxiety
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  Speaker 5: attacks if I'm surrounded by like doves or chickens or stuff.
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  Speaker 5: But I feel like I've worked through it. So I
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  Speaker 5: don't like them anymore, but I'm not going to say
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  Speaker 5: that they can traumatize me.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Sticking with animals, rats and mice.
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  Speaker 3: But is that just a, oh, they're gross or like
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  Speaker 3: you will stop in your tracks, your heart will race?
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  Speaker 1: I temporarily moved out of my old apartment because a
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  Speaker 1: rat was in my kitchen. And then I left a
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  Speaker 1: few presents for it and I came back two days
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  Speaker 1: later to dispose of it.
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  Speaker 3: You left some pink sweets.
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  Speaker 2: Little small treat.
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  Speaker 3: Gotcha.
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  Speaker 2: But it had me packing my bags.
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  Speaker 3: And moving out.
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  Speaker 5: There could only be one of you at a time.
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  Speaker 1: But then I've also started to process the phobia by
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  Speaker 1: going to.
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  Speaker 2: Companies' gardens.
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  Speaker 5: That's where I had my last anxiety attack a few
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  Speaker 5: years ago. I was actually on a date.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 5: And those pigeons, they there?
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  Speaker 2: Now the rats are with the squirrels at Company's Garden.
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  Speaker 1: So if you have a fear, it's good exposure therapy
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  Speaker 1: to go there.
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  Speaker 3: Because they're like cousins, aren't they?
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  Speaker 2: They're basically friends and family.
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  Speaker 3: The rats are the squirrels' gangster cousin.
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  Speaker 1: Squirrels got a better coat. But yeah, so it's slowly
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  Speaker 1: kind of. Getting easier, but it's terrifying.
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  Speaker 5: No, we must work through it, eh?
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  Speaker 3: Producer Brad, do you have any debilitating fears, phobias? Hearts.
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  Speaker 2: Hearts?
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  Speaker 3: Oh, I've seen this guy on the top of the
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  Speaker 3: Durban Stadium. We did the walk, you know, the Moses Mavida.
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  Speaker 3: This guy was literally on his stomach, going down, crawling,
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  Speaker 3: leopard crawling down. He was vomiting. No, I've never seen
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  Speaker 3: anything like it. I felt sorry for him that day.
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  Speaker 5: But why did they make you do it?
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  Speaker 2: No, no, I chose to do it.
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  Speaker 1: Okay.
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  Speaker 2: I chose to do it.
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  Speaker 5: You were like, I'm going to be brave.
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  Speaker 2: I thought it was more like insulated, safer than it was.
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  Speaker 2: Than it was. Out to the elements, yeah.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, because we did that swing once upon a time.
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  Speaker 2: Well, you did the swing.
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  Speaker 3: I got up to the top and I was like,
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  Speaker 3: hell no.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Sure.
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  Speaker 2: So are you able to climb stairs where, you know,
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  Speaker 2: you can see, like, to the bottom? You just don't
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  Speaker 2: look down. You don't just, like, hold my hand.
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  Speaker 3: And Ramiz, you?
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  Speaker 2: No, only snakes, eh?
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  Speaker 3: Snakes.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's, like, really debilitating for me.
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  Speaker 3: Well, look, so these are all things that we could
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  Speaker 3: actively avoid in our lives. Now, this lady, she's got
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  Speaker 3: a fear of flying. Now, think of how you can
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  Speaker 3: be sort of landlocked with this. Because you've got this fear...
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  Speaker 3: That will literally stop you. But now you want to
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  Speaker 3: go somewhere. If you can't get there by car or train,
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  Speaker 3: I mean, you want to fly to England. You know,
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  Speaker 3: you can't. There's no other way to get there unless
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  Speaker 3: you're going by boat, which is, you know, I don't
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  Speaker 3: even know how you do that in 2026.
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  Speaker 5: And how much time is that going to take?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she's got this fear. She has
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  Speaker 3: to work herself up. She's got to, you know, prepare herself,
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  Speaker 3: do a bit of, you know, mind stuff before she flies.
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  Speaker 3: So she's running in to catch a flight. And that's
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  Speaker 3: when I call. And that's when I call this lady.
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  Speaker 5: You're calling someone who's already petrified.
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  Speaker 3: Absolutely, yeah. Absolutely. So she's about to jump on a
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  Speaker 3: plane to fly to Joburg. Like literally within the next hour.
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  Speaker 3: So she's done the mental work. She's prepared. Now she's
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  Speaker 3: going to walk into the airport.
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  Speaker 2: Okay.
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  Speaker 3: And this is where I catch her.
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  Speaker 5: She absolutely hates me. She hates flying.
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  Speaker 3: She's terrified of flying.
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  Speaker 4: And that's quite funny.
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  Speaker 5: And the poor people that sit next to her, it's
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  Speaker 5: even worse for them.
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  Speaker 4: They just don't know what's going to happen.
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  Speaker 3: Let me call her right now. Hold on. Hold on.
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  Speaker 1: Hello?
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  Speaker 3: Hello, I'm looking for Ms. Stultz, please.
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  Speaker 4: You are talking to me?
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  Speaker 3: Hi, Ms. A.
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  Speaker 2: Stultz.
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  Speaker 3: I'm calling you from SAA, South African Airways. Yes. Hi,
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  Speaker 3: how are you today?
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  Speaker 4: Very well, and you?
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  Speaker 2: Good.
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  Speaker 3: Listen, the reason why I'm calling, sorry, it's all kind
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  Speaker 3: of last minute. There's an aircraft, a plane that you
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  Speaker 3: are leaving on at 5 p.m. Is that right? SAA2 Johannesburg.
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  Speaker 5: Oh, yeah, 480.
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  Speaker 3: 480, that's right. Sorry, I round things off. Okay, the
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  Speaker 3: reason why I'm calling is we just need to make
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  Speaker 3: a few adjustments to this aircraft because, look, I'll be
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  Speaker 3: honest with you, This aircraft will be flying back to
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  Speaker 3: Joburg on one engine.
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  Speaker 4: Then I'll be walking home because I will not.
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  Speaker 3: I hate flying.
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  Speaker 4: And I'm here in any case. I'm here now.
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  Speaker 3: Look, but basically what happened is there was a bird
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  Speaker 3: strike with the one engine, but I promise you it's fine.
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  Speaker 3: The aircraft can fly on one engine, so it's not
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  Speaker 3: an issue.
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  Speaker 4: Listen, are you on drugs or something? No, ma'am. Well,
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  Speaker 4: I'm not, and I will definitely not.
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  Speaker 1: Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am.
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  Speaker 3: Ma'am, I promise you the aircraft is fully capable of
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  Speaker 3: flying on one engine.
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  Speaker 4: Ma'am, honestly, you know, the thing is we do understand
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  Speaker 4: that people have to get home.
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  Speaker 2: I will not listen.
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  Speaker 3: I will not.
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  Speaker 4: I will not. W-I-L-L-N-O-T.
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  Speaker 5: Get on a plane.
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  Speaker 4: I've walked away from the counter.
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  Speaker 3: Okay, ma'am. Look, we can't refund your ticket if you
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  Speaker 3: do want.
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  Speaker 4: No, I don't care. I don't care. I'll sit here
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  Speaker 4: and I'll wait for you to come and pick me up.
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  Speaker 3: Because, ma'am, all we need to know before you jump
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  Speaker 3: on this flight is just we need a few extra
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  Speaker 3: details from you. Just need a next of kin and
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  Speaker 3: a blood type as well. Just....
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  Speaker 4: I'm not going to give you anything because I'm not
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  Speaker 4: going anywhere. I'm going to sit here now. I'm going
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  Speaker 4: to have a smoke, and if necessary, a triple dope,
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  Speaker 4: and that will be that. And I'll sit here and
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  Speaker 4: wait for five days if.
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  Speaker 2: I have to.
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  Speaker 3: Ma'am, you need to rest assured that this aircraft is
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  Speaker 3: safe to fly on. I need to.
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  Speaker 5: Hey, hey.
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  Speaker 4: Listen, I'm 44. I'm not stupid. Ma'am, then you... I'm
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  Speaker 4: not going anywhere.
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  Speaker 3: Then you should.
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  Speaker 4: I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going anywhere. Thank you
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  Speaker 4: very much. I'm going to get myself a cappuccino now,
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  Speaker 4: and I'm going to have a smoke somewhere. And that
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  Speaker 4: will be there. I'm trying to find a smoking station. So,
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  Speaker 4: you can take the money and go and buy yourself
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  Speaker 4: a pair of running shoes because you're going to need it.
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  Speaker 4: But I'm definitely not going to be flying. I hate flying.
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  Speaker 4: My first flight, I was stressed out to the limit.
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  Speaker 4: On my way back, I cried like a baby.
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  Speaker 3: We just want to get you home safely. That's all
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  Speaker 3: we want to do.
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  Speaker 4: It's not going to happen on one engine.
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  Speaker 3: Not with me.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, well.
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  Speaker 4: Where the hell is your smoking station?
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  Speaker 2: Oh, shame.
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  Speaker 3: It'll be outside. There is no smoking section.
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  Speaker 4: I'm not going outside. I want to sit and I
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  Speaker 4: want to lick my own wounds and I want to
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  Speaker 4: think about this conversation because you know what? Except for
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  Speaker 4: the fact that I'm scared of flying, now I'm also pissed.
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  Speaker 3: Are you drunk? I'm really pissed off. Oh, sorry.
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  Speaker 4: No, I'm not drunk. I'm pissed off.
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  Speaker 3: The other thing we need is just your life jacket size.
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  Speaker 3: Who's talking? It's Craig from SAA call centre, man. It's
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  Speaker 3: just three precautions. Craig!
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  Speaker 2: Yes.
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  Speaker 4: I'm trying to find a smoking station. Is there any
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  Speaker 4: premium lounges here?
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  Speaker 5: Oh my goodness.
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  Speaker 4: So it's a f * * * ing airport as well.
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  Speaker 3: Well, it's not a very busy airport, so we just
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  Speaker 3: provide what we need there.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, one engine aeroplane. Whether it's FAA, whether it's Porsche,
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  Speaker 4: whether it's anyone, I hate f * * * ing flying.
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  Speaker 3: Porsche don't make aircrafts, just saying.
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  Speaker 4: Listen, don't get s * * t together with me.
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  Speaker 4: I hate s * * t flying means I hate
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  Speaker 4: s * * t flying.
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  Speaker 1: I hate flying.
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  Speaker 3: Okay, I get it, but.
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  Speaker 4: Don't think these are s * * t up. And
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  Speaker 4: you can cancel my ticket. I'll sit here and I'll die.
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  Speaker 4: But I will not get on the airplane. Savage s * * t,
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  Speaker 4: fantastic life. Bye.
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  Speaker 3: Okay, fly back on your broom.
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  Speaker 4: Wendy!
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  Speaker 5: Yes, I'm here.
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: Okay, now I need to connect a call between you
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  Speaker 3: and her.
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  Speaker 2: Hello?
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  Speaker 4: Hi, it's just me. What?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 4: What did you hear? No, I don't understand. I heard
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  Speaker 4: something about the national.
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  Speaker 3: But what did he say?
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  Speaker 4: Because I have to tell you, I said I drove earlier. Okay,
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  Speaker 4: but then I'm going to fly around. But it will
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  Speaker 4: be fine. People do that. Because there was a plane there.
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  Speaker 3: And he said he had to fall out of the engine. Okay, wait.
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  Speaker 3: Excuse me? Excuse me?
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  Speaker 4: Okay, wait. Wait, I'll call you back. Excuse?
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  Speaker 1: Excuse?
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: She's speaking to the canter there.
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  Speaker 1: Yes.
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  Speaker 3: I can't talk long because I'm on the phone.
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  Speaker 4: Well, that's my neighbor, the aloe. I can't speak to
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  Speaker 4: the canter.
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  Speaker 2: Aloe?
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  Speaker 3: What? It's Wackett Simpson. What? What? It's Wackett Simpson, yeah.
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  Speaker 4: Wackett Simpson. But there weren't too many, there weren't too many.
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  Speaker 4: I was playing more on your fear.
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: She's a judge lady.