Latest / Chatting with The Experts with Paula Okonneh / Empowering Women: Embracing Beauty Through God's Lens
Transcript
- 0:03Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of chatting
- 0:07with the experts TV show where I showcase women from Africa and the
- 0:12Caribbean and living in the diaspora.
- 0:15These professional and entrepreneurial women showcase to you the expertise,
- 0:22whether it's in their business or in their professions, but whatever they
- 0:28do, the main purpose is to inspire, to educate, and to make women globally
- 0:41be better from what we discuss here.
- 0:45I've also had men and they also have been phenomenal, but 99.
- 0:519 of the time it's been women.
- 0:56Well, today our topic is Embracing Beauty by God's Standard.
- 1:05And my guest will be giving five tips for building body confidence.
- 1:10Her name is Nma Emeh, and she is a highly respected body confidence coach.
- 1:20She's also a motivational speaker and an award winning LinkedIn creator
- 1:25that is dedicated to empowering women and girls to reclaim their
- 1:31body confidence by cultivating a more positive self perception.
- 1:38There's a lot more I can say about her, but I always believe in my guests
- 1:43telling you more about themselves.
- 1:46And so with that, I welcome Nma Emeh to this episode of Chatting with the Experts.
- 1:58Hi, Miss Paula, thank you so much for having me.
- 2:02I am so excited to be a part of your community and to be to have this
- 2:07opportunity to pour into the ladies and of course the men as well of your community.
- 2:14For those who don't know me, like she said, my name is Nma Emeh and
- 2:18I am a body image confidence coach.
- 2:20Very passionate about empowering women and young girls to
- 2:24rebuild their body confidence.
- 2:26Why is that important?
- 2:27Because I will give you some statistics right off the bat.
- 2:31Nine out of 10 women have expressed some form of dissatisfaction with their body.
- 2:36I don't know about you, but that is an alarming number.
- 2:39And when, when you bring it down to the younger age of our girls, we have
- 2:44about 78 percent of the girls between the age of 10 and 14, expressing
- 2:53some dissatisfaction with their body.
- 2:56And I think those numbers are concerning enough for us to want to have this
- 3:01dialogue about what body images, how it impacts us, and how we can rebuild
- 3:08our body confidence for success in our life and what God has planned for us.
- 3:13So thank you.
- 3:15I say amen to that.
- 3:16Can you give me those statistics again?
- 3:19Because I mean, off the top of my head, just hearing you say that it
- 3:23was alarming, but can you repeat it again for even more emphasis?
- 3:27Yes.
- 3:28Nine out of 10 women, or I would say 91%.
- 3:33And this is according to the Mental Health Foundation.
- 3:37They did the statistics the research and 91 percent of women have expressed
- 3:43some kind of dissatisfaction with their bodies and have often resorted to dieting.
- 3:50So it's not them.
- 3:51It's not just enough that they're dissatisfied with their body is
- 3:55the fact that they've gone through extra measures to start to diet.
- 4:00And of course, we all know most of the diets that we do in this day and age.
- 4:04They're usually not sustainable.
- 4:07They're not usually healthy.
- 4:08And so that leads to other problems down the line.
- 4:12So, yes, and then with the with our young girls, that number is somewhere
- 4:17about 78 percent in with kids between the age of 10 and like 14.
- 4:23And then recently studies done by the Dove Self Esteem Project,
- 4:29they are seeing girls dropping out of sports at an alarming rate.
- 4:34About 68 percent or somewhere around that number of girls are dropping out
- 4:39of sports due to the way they perceive themselves in some of these uniforms that
- 4:45they have to wear for the various sports.
- 4:46So this is impacting women and young girls down the line And what that
- 4:52does in the long run is that we're going to see less and less people
- 4:56showing up in positions of power.
- 4:58If we do not address this body image and body confidence issue.
- 5:05Oh my word.
- 5:06Well, thank you so much for repeating those statistics.
- 5:11Of course, but also to, you know, showcase the alarming rate at which,
- 5:17I mean, girls and women and girls are being impacted by negative self
- 5:24esteem coming from their body image.
- 5:26Okay.
- 5:28But tell me something before you got into doing this, I know
- 5:31you were doing something else.
- 5:33What led you to decide on a change of career?
- 5:37Thanks for asking.
- 5:38Well, prior to this, I worked in Finance and Operations in Corporate
- 5:42America for almost 20 years.
- 5:45And although I love the environment, I loved working
- 5:49in the pharmaceutical industry.
- 5:51I worked in financial services.
- 5:52I also worked on the Pacific Stock Exchange really briefly.
- 5:57And those were great experiences, great exposure.
- 6:00However, I didn't necessarily love the job that I did.
- 6:07There was just something about making the rich richer that was just not fulfilling
- 6:11enough for me and during the pandemic when that was my aha moment and I wanted
- 6:18to take a step back and just really, you know, ask myself, what do you, what would
- 6:23you like to do for the rest of your life?
- 6:26Like most people we saw a lot of people lose their lives during the pandemic.
- 6:30And it was an eye opener to me, like, okay, if I were to stand before God
- 6:34today, what can I demonstrate or show that of how I have given back to the
- 6:41world to the people and how have I impacted people for time and eternity.
- 6:47And oftentimes when you're in search of your calling, there's usually a
- 6:52common thread of something that has been going on throughout your life.
- 6:58And that usually has something to do with your calling.
- 7:01That's what I believe.
- 7:02And for me.
- 7:04My body was always a topic of discussion right from when I was born.
- 7:08I was born a whopping almost 11 pounds and I was that baby that the
- 7:15doctor told my mom, now this is it, because this one almost killed you.
- 7:18If you have any more you're not going to make it and I grew up as a
- 7:23somewhat chubby kid and growing up in Nigeria where we don't have filters.
- 7:29No, we don't.
- 7:30I was often reminded of just how chubby I was relative to my siblings.
- 7:37And so, as I grew up, I just became more and more conscious of my physical
- 7:41appearance and in good and bad ways.
- 7:44I got both good compliments and bad compliments, but you know,
- 7:47like typical human nature, we tend to focus on the negative.
- 7:51And for me, I focused more on the negative comments of people constantly
- 7:56comparing me to my sisters who are tall and modelesque and my body
- 8:00being very different from theirs.
- 8:02And I was always questioning why I looked so different from them and why
- 8:06I didn't fit the standard that people expected me to fit looking at my sisters.
- 8:12And so, anyway, all that to say I decided, well, you know, since the body has always
- 8:17been a topic of discussion, I wanted to empower women and girls to rebuild
- 8:21their body confidence, which is something that I worked on for most of my life.
- 8:26And now it's my turn to give back to women and girls.
- 8:29So that's my journey.
- 8:32Oh, I love your story.
- 8:34I mean, I don't love the part that, you know, having lived in Nigeria, I
- 8:38know that there are really no filters.
- 8:41Oh, yeah.
- 8:43And if it's not one thing, it's the next, you know.
- 8:47Precisely.
- 8:48I like the fact that you now took that, your journey, your experience, to now give
- 8:54back and to help women and help girls, because it's girls who become women.
- 8:59Yes.
- 9:00Help them know that their bodies were created by the Almighty, and there is
- 9:06a purpose for their being on Earth.
- 9:08So, you can't change your, well, I mean, the body you're born with,
- 9:13yes, is the body you're born with.
- 9:15So, you know, first of all, start liking yourself.
- 9:18And then, I mean, if it's something that you can do that it's not healthy or,
- 9:22you know, in any way that will hurt you, well, you know, we can always learn.
- 9:29So that's why we are here today to learn from you how to embrace
- 9:35the beauty of God's design.
- 9:37Yes, absolutely.
- 9:39And before we get started for, if you're like me, I like to understand the basics
- 9:44before I get into the nitty gritty of.
- 9:48of how to rebuild.
- 9:49And for instance, most people, you know, body image is not
- 9:52something most people talk about.
- 9:54You know, we hear about it, you know, here and there, but it's not something
- 9:58we you talk about in most conversations.
- 10:00So, for those who don't know, body image is the perception a person has
- 10:06about their physical appearance and the thoughts and the emotions that
- 10:11ensue as a result of that perception.
- 10:14Now it can be a positive perception, which is what you want.
- 10:18You want to have a positive perception of your body, knowing that God created
- 10:22you uniquely and for a specific purpose.
- 10:25But oftentimes, what we especially women, we have a negative perception of our body,
- 10:32we start to look at ourselves as less than as lacking instead of focusing on
- 10:38the beautiful things about our appearance.
- 10:40We've turn to find the flaws and the mistakes.
- 10:41I don't like my hair.
- 10:45I don't like my eyes.
- 10:46I don't like my nose.
- 10:47I don't like my size.
- 10:48I don't like this or that.
- 10:50So body image again is the perception that you have about your physical
- 10:54appearance and how it makes you feel, how you feel about your perception.
- 11:00Another thing about body image is it demonstrates how we see ourselves.
- 11:06Like when you think of looking at yourself in the mirror, oftentimes,
- 11:11what are you telling yourself when you look at yourself in the mirror?
- 11:14Ideally, you want to say positive things.
- 11:16You want to focus on the positive aspects of your being.
- 11:20But oftentimes, like I said, we always pick out the flaws
- 11:23before we pick out the positive.
- 11:25So yeah, but anyway, in a nutshell, that's what body image is.
- 11:30Thanks for explaining that because I was going to ask you that because there's
- 11:32something that I've noticed among women.
- 11:34Like if you say typically to a woman, Oh, I like your dress, it's like this.
- 11:39I've had it for such a long time, you know, or you say, I love your hair.
- 11:44I need to go and get it done.
- 11:46Most times women won't say, Oh, thank you.
- 11:49I appreciate you telling me that though.
- 11:50Even I think so or something like that.
- 11:52So.
- 11:54A few years ago, I told myself that any compliments I get, whether
- 11:58I believe they're true or not, I'm going to just say, thank you.
- 12:02I may not believe it, but by hearing it.
- 12:05As Christians, we know faith comes by hearing.
- 12:08No, it's hearing the word of God.
- 12:10But there's the same principle on earth.
- 12:12If you keep hearing something negative, you're going to believe it.
- 12:15And if you're telling yourself those negative things about your own
- 12:17self, you're going to believe it.
- 12:19So now when I hear positive things from people, I tell myself I'm
- 12:23going to believe it, you know.
- 12:26No, that's a good approach.
- 12:27Very good approach.
- 12:28I love that.
- 12:29And you're so true.
- 12:30A lot of us women, whenever we have a hard time receiving compliments more,
- 12:34more than our male counterparts, you know, most men, when you compliment
- 12:37them, they're like yes, of course.
- 12:39I look good.
- 12:40You know, I work out every day.
- 12:41I do this.
- 12:42For us women, whenever we are complimented, I think there's some sort
- 12:47of guilt that we experienced that, you know, some kind of guilt about being
- 12:53told that we're acceptable or that we're beautiful and that's all part
- 12:58of the whole body image thing issue.
- 13:01And some of it is because of our culture, you know, for us, for you and I, you
- 13:07know, Nigeria, like we said, people are very blunt, you know, sometimes in a
- 13:11good way, sometimes in a not so good way.
- 13:13So culture can influence your perception.
- 13:16About your body image, also your social interactions, you know,
- 13:21the friends that you hang out with that can have a significant impact
- 13:24on how you perceive yourselves.
- 13:26And then they're the personal factors.
- 13:29And then, obviously, recently, social media as well.
- 13:32Being a big big part of the whole body image journey.
- 13:39So, yes those few things really impact the way we perceive ourselves, but I
- 13:43think to your point, the more we as women begin to accept ourselves, accept
- 13:49the compliments that people give us.
- 13:51Knowing that there's no, you know, ulterior motive or agenda behind it,
- 13:56then the better we will begin to perceive ourselves and improve on our body image.
- 14:03I agree.
- 14:04All right.
- 14:06So you've explained what body image is.
- 14:08Thank you so much for that.
- 14:11So how does that impact us in general, we women?
- 14:16Well, it impacts us in several ways, but before I even go there, I wanted to
- 14:20also address some of the misconceptions that we have about body image.
- 14:25I'm sorry, that just popped into my head.
- 14:27It's very important to clarify to get off the back what some of
- 14:32the misconceptions people have.
- 14:34For instance, a lot of us believe that body image only affects women.
- 14:38That's not true.
- 14:40It does affect our male counterparts, you know, according to statistics,
- 14:44of course, 91 percent women are more dissatisfied, but when you
- 14:47look at our male counterparts.
- 14:49It's almost just as bad.
- 14:51It's about 80 percent of men.
- 14:53That are dissatisfied with their physical appearance, most of them,
- 14:57it's around the fact that they're just don't feel like they're muscular
- 15:01enough and are demonstrating that manly behavior like they would want to.
- 15:06So it's the content of it, like the way they are dissatisfied with their
- 15:12bodies slightly different from how we women perceive ourselves, but still they
- 15:17experienced some form of body image issue.
- 15:21Another misconception is that it's limited to just young people or,
- 15:26you know, people of a certain age and, but you know, body image can
- 15:30follow you through your whole life.
- 15:32You know, it can start as early as five years old and continue
- 15:36well into your senior years.
- 15:39It can happen at any point in time or either through life experiences,
- 15:44you know, what people say to you.
- 15:46And so that's something to keep in mind.
- 15:48That's why it's important to build up these body confidence tips,
- 15:52which I will share with you shortly.
- 15:54And then lastly, a common misconception is that body image only has to
- 15:58deal with our physical appearance.
- 16:01No body image is more than just your physical appearance.
- 16:04You know, and it's not just about your weight too.
- 16:07That's another common one.
- 16:08Most people think, oh, it's because the person thinks that they are chubby or
- 16:11because they're skinny and all of that.
- 16:13No.
- 16:13Body image encompasses every aspect of your being from the crown of
- 16:18your head to the soles of your feet.
- 16:20If you're experiencing any kind of dissatisfaction, whether it's how the
- 16:24texture of your hair or your skin tone and all of that to the point where it
- 16:30impacts the way you show up each day.
- 16:33Then it's worth addressing and discussing with a professional like me.
- 16:40I like that.
- 16:41I like that the way you show up and it's more than physical because you
- 16:44know, we are all body, soul and spirit.
- 16:49They're all interconnected.
- 16:50You know, you can see that sometimes when people are depressed, I mean, you can see
- 16:56it in the outward, if outwardly, I mean, in the way they carry themselves, they,
- 17:01you know, the conversation they have.
- 17:04So I like the fact that you're saying that it's not just limited to the physical,
- 17:10but it's every part from the crown of your head to the soles of your feet.
- 17:16Thanks for pointing that out.
- 17:17Thank you.
- 17:18Yes.
- 17:19And in terms of how body image impacts us.
- 17:23This is where it gets really weighty.
- 17:26It's more than just, you know, the physical for some people when it goes
- 17:31on checked for years, it can lead to some social and mental health disorders
- 17:40like body dysmorphia, anorexia, and those are the extremes and some of
- 17:46those things you at that point you really need to see a clinician about
- 17:51the body image but for most people, it's, it shows up as low self esteem.
- 17:57It shows up in as, you know, one feeling depressed over time,
- 18:02if again, if it goes unchecked, and it can also lead to anxiety.
- 18:06So imagine someone who, you know, now it's summertime, most
- 18:10people are going to the beach.
- 18:12And, you know, what do people wear to the beach?
- 18:15They wear their swimsuits and their skimpy wear and their shorts.
- 18:18Well, someone who's experiencing some body image issues, believe it or
- 18:22not, they would shy away from those social experiences because they don't
- 18:28want to be seen in their shorts.
- 18:30They don't want to be seen in a bikini or a swimsuit because they're just
- 18:34not feeling confident in their body.
- 18:36But guess what?
- 18:38They continue to hold back and refrain from those social interactions.
- 18:43Well, that's going to lead to depression over time because you're
- 18:46not getting that social interaction that God designed us to have.
- 18:51So it's a significant issue.
- 18:53You know, it really impacts our mental health and emotional well
- 18:56being in those particular ways.
- 19:00That is so true.
- 19:02And I've actually known some young people who, you know, because of the
- 19:06way, whether truthfully or untruthfully they perceive themselves, gone into
- 19:11isolation, as you say, not just in the summer, but any time of the year.
- 19:15No, I don't want to go.
- 19:17I just don't feel like I need to go.
- 19:19So as parents, we need to look at our children.
- 19:22We need to understand that this is a reality and don't just brush
- 19:25it off, but give it attention.
- 19:28Thank you.
- 19:28Yeah, absolutely.
- 19:30I mean, I've seen situations where it has impacted people's physical health
- 19:34where, you know, they have, like I said, some form of disordered eating, or some
- 19:40people take it to the extreme where they're doing excessive exercising, you
- 19:45know, so it's one extreme of the order.
- 19:47Somebody has disordered eating.
- 19:49The other person has excessive exercising and then other people sometimes,
- 19:53you know, when they're going through that negative body image, they also
- 19:59experience, you know, a lack of self care.
- 20:01They just decide they're not going to care for their physical appearance anymore,
- 20:05because they're like, you know, this vessel of God has given me, I don't feel
- 20:08like I need to maintain or anything.
- 20:10And so it impacts us mentally, emotionally, physically.
- 20:14And also even our relationships and social interactions.
- 20:17Like I said, over time, if you're not participating in social events
- 20:22or going to the after work events, it really starts to impact how you show
- 20:27up in different spaces in your life.
- 20:30There are some people, clients that I've worked with who were very hesitant about
- 20:35going to socialize after work because they just felt like, Oh, well, I don't fit in.
- 20:41No, my hair doesn't look like everybody else's own there.
- 20:44And, but the little, do they know that is in this after work events
- 20:49where the networking really happens.
- 20:51And those that's where they get to know you, when it comes to promotion,
- 20:54people remember you based on the kind of interactions they've had
- 20:59with you at work and outside of work.
- 21:02So body image can really impact all aspects of our life, but that's why
- 21:07it's important for us to really focus on maintaining a positive body image, being
- 21:12confident in who we are and knowing that God makes no mistakes in his designs.
- 21:19Amen, as I said to a young person once, when you read the creation
- 21:25story in Genesis, when God made man and woman, he said, it is good.
- 21:32Yes.
- 21:32It's all about the animals.
- 21:34He didn't say, not that the other, I mean, the animals weren't good
- 21:37or the trees, or the sky, but human beings, they were special.
- 21:44Absolutely.
- 21:45Okay.
- 21:46All right.
- 21:48So let's dig into this.
- 21:50You said five tips.
- 21:51What's tip number one?
- 21:54Well, my first tip is to embrace your unique design.
- 21:59I know I touched on it earlier, but I think oftentimes a lot of us,
- 22:03especially women, we keep trying to fit a square into a circle mold, we
- 22:11should keep trying to fit into spaces that God did not design us for.
- 22:16And it's not until we embrace.
- 22:20Who we are in our entirety, that will we start to experience the full freedom and
- 22:28the full acceptance and the full love and joy that God has designed us for.
- 22:34And that brings me to one of my favorite passages from Psalms 139 verse 14 that
- 22:41I am beautifully and wonderfully made.
- 22:43Marvelous are your works.
- 22:45And that my soul knows very well.
- 22:47Now I'll be lying to you if I said that I always believed that I was
- 22:51beautifully and wonderfully made, but in when the first time I stumbled on
- 22:55that passage and actually read it and embraced it, then that was the beginning
- 23:01of me seeing myself through God's eyes.
- 23:05He made no mistakes.
- 23:06I am unique in my own way.
- 23:08And although I don't look very much like my siblings, though, but God designed
- 23:13me in this way for a specific purpose.
- 23:15And as I continue to live my life, I'm becoming more and more aware
- 23:20what, why he designed me this way so that I can pour into other women and
- 23:25young girls who may feel a little different from their mates or their
- 23:29siblings and other female counterparts.
- 23:35So...
- 23:37Sorry, you again say,
- 23:38I said, I love that.
- 23:40Okay.
- 23:41All right.
- 23:43Number two, you ready for number two?
- 23:46Yes.
- 23:46Ready, ready, ready.
- 23:47Okay.
- 23:48So another thing I encourage clients to do is to practice self compassion.
- 23:53What does that mean?
- 23:54A lot of times.
- 23:55When we look at us as women, when we look at ourselves in the mirror, like
- 23:59I said earlier, the first thing that comes to our mind, if we're brutally
- 24:02honest, is always something negative.
- 24:05You look at yourself in the mirror like, oh, my hair is a mess.
- 24:08Oh, I, my eyebrows are not working today.
- 24:11Oh, I don't like this earring, or, I don't like this, or that.
- 24:14We start looking for flaws, but , one thing I encourage us to do is
- 24:20get a mirror, and I've done this with my elementary school girls,
- 24:24because when I speak at after school programs for girls too.
- 24:28And one thing I have them do is to bring out a mirror, and also a journal and
- 24:34spend five minutes looking at themselves in that mirror and writing everything
- 24:41beautiful or everything positive that they like about their physical appearance.
- 24:47And it's about reframing the way you think about yourself when you look at yourself.
- 24:55So that simple five minute exercise makes a significant impact on these young
- 25:00girls because it's teaching them earlier on that the mirror is not their enemy.
- 25:06The mirror is simply just a reflection of what God has already created.
- 25:11And we all know that God makes no mistakes.
- 25:14So as you're looking at yourself, look for the blessings that God has
- 25:17created in you and write those down.
- 25:21And so yeah, so I encourage people to practice self-compassion, and that
- 25:27means, you know, using affirmations or for me it's Bible passages.
- 25:34Looking for Bible passages that fill your spirit up for you to start the day
- 25:39on a positive note, because when your mind is set, when your mind is positively
- 25:46impacted, it's going to reflect on how you interact with the world around you.
- 25:54So,
- 25:57I love that so far that's being intentional.
- 26:00You have to be very intentional indeed.
- 26:03You have to be very intentional.
- 26:05A lot of the work that I do with clients is just ensuring that they are very
- 26:11intentional about everything they do.
- 26:14Intentional about taking time to slow down and do their self care like
- 26:19you know it like literally physical self care whether it's going for a
- 26:23manicure, a pedicure, a facial, but just taking that time out for ourselves.
- 26:28I think a lot of women, some of the mistakes that we make.
- 26:33Well, I don't know if we say mistakes, but some of the things that happen to us
- 26:37as women is that we're givers, naturally.
- 26:40We're always giving, whether it's to our spouses, to our
- 26:43children, to our place of work.
- 26:45And by the time we get a moment to even reflect, there's
- 26:50nothing left to give ourselves.
- 26:53And so we have to be very intentional about what we do about
- 26:57our self care, taking that time to rebuild, to rejuvenate, to pause,
- 27:04to, you know, just to be, just giving ourselves that time to be.
- 27:09And just even if it's five minutes, if it's 30 minutes, if it's once a week,
- 27:14just going to get your nails done.
- 27:16Downtime that really helps to rebuild who you are and what God is designing you for.
- 27:23So, yeah, so those are just a couple of tips so far.
- 27:27Yes.
- 27:28You know another thing I have said to a few people is sometimes just
- 27:32leave in the house for five minutes.
- 27:35Go for a drive if you drive.
- 27:36If you don't drive, go for a walk.
- 27:39Just get some fresh air.
- 27:41Exactly.
- 27:42Yeah.
- 27:43I mean, a walk is, well, I'm sure our doctors would say a walk, it's
- 27:48not just about the physical, you know, exercise that you're doing.
- 27:52It does something to our mental health.
- 27:55Improves our mental health and being, and not only that, you know, taking a
- 27:59walk, it forces you to look into nature.
- 28:02And again, the beauty of God's design in nature, you know, at least for me
- 28:08just being able to stop and breathe the flowers literally and notice the trees
- 28:13and the bunnies in this time of the year.
- 28:17And, you know, that really does something for our mental health.
- 28:20So, yeah.
- 28:21And just clears your head.
- 28:23Sometimes the fresh air, remember you and for those of us who are
- 28:27abroad, most of our houses , the air is being recirculated, you
- 28:30know, get out there, fresh air.
- 28:33I mean, I'm not a physician, but I know that breathing in fresh
- 28:37air goes through your system.
- 28:40It's definitely different from breathing the same air that has been circulated on.
- 28:44Even if it's not 100 percent circulated, but it's not definitely as fresh as
- 28:50the air that you breathe outside.
- 28:54So, okay.
- 28:56Right.
- 28:57You've given us a few tips.
- 28:59Do you have, if I counted...
- 29:01I have some more!
- 29:02Yeah, you have more.
- 29:03So, go ahead.
- 29:05I do.
- 29:06All right.
- 29:06Okay.
- 29:07So one of my favorite tips is encouraging people to just
- 29:11focus on their inner qualities.
- 29:14I think.
- 29:16Not that I think, I know.
- 29:17We live in a society that focuses so much on physical appearance and social media.
- 29:24With the onset of social media, things have just been worse.
- 29:27And I'm encouraging my clients to shift away from that, especially
- 29:33with our young girls who social media is all they've ever known.
- 29:38Yes.
- 29:38And it's about being, again, intentional In the things that we say to ourselves,
- 29:44but also to our young girls, where we often compliment each other based on
- 29:50our physical appearance, because society expects women to look a certain way.
- 29:56So we've been trained to compliment each other just on the physical.
- 30:01However, what I tell clients is, focus on those things about you that
- 30:08go beyond your physical appearance.
- 30:10There's so much more to us than just the way we look.
- 30:15There is our talents, our compassion, the things that we're passionate
- 30:19about, our hobbies, you know.
- 30:22So you want to compliment yourself and your girls about the achievements,
- 30:27the things you've achieved in life, you know, and your accomplishments.
- 30:31Have you gotten an education?
- 30:33A higher education?
- 30:35Are you into knitting and how good are you about knitting
- 30:39and creating beautiful things?
- 30:41I think when we shift again our mindset from the physical all the time to
- 30:48more of our intellectual, then that starts to rebuild our body confidence.
- 30:56So again, when you're complimenting a girl, compliment
- 31:00her about how smart she is.
- 31:04Compliment her about how tenacious she is.
- 31:10Don't just compliment her that, Oh, your hair looks beautiful.
- 31:14Even if it does.
- 31:15Yes, but there's so much more to her.
- 31:17So I look forward to a world where girls are so much more than just.
- 31:22What we look like, you know, we're known for our achievements, our
- 31:27accomplishments, what we're able to get done and how quickly and the impact that
- 31:32we make in the world, our innovations.
- 31:36Those are the things that we need to play up in rebuilding our confidence
- 31:40as a human race in my own opinion.
- 31:43That's a very good one, because we are socialized to think that there's
- 31:48some things that girls can't do.
- 31:50Yes, especially I mean the ones that we've heard a lot about stem and steam
- 31:55you know science, that's for boys.
- 31:57Technology.
- 31:58Oh, so it's a man's world, engineering and forget it.
- 32:02They shouldn't be a female engineer.
- 32:04You know, these are the sort of things you're just socialized to believe.
- 32:07And then you believe it as a woman.
- 32:09And I'm so happy now that we have so many outstanding women who are in these
- 32:14fields and are doing excellent at that.
- 32:17And for those who are not even science, as you mentioned, you know, focus
- 32:22on a young girl who's compassionate.
- 32:25She's able to, you know, she sees someone in need and she goes
- 32:29and helps them or she's able, as you say, to knit or she can sing
- 32:34beautifully, you know, so many things.
- 32:37So she's able to read a book and understand, you know,
- 32:40just from the first chapter, immediately understand everything.
- 32:43Yes, that is fantastic.
- 32:46You know, I like this.
- 32:48Yeah, right.
- 32:48In fact, right before I came on to the show, I was listening to a podcast that
- 32:54was talking about, you know, gut health and improving the digestive system
- 33:00and how that can impact your whole, and I was listening to it casually.
- 33:05But my daughter was in the background and listening.
- 33:07And so she's 11 years old and she's like, mom, are they talking
- 33:12about the digestive system?
- 33:13And, you know, and I was just surprised at how much she got out
- 33:17of it, listening to it casually.
- 33:19And she was like, oh, does this child have some issues with their stomach?
- 33:24Oh, could this, yeah.
- 33:26And so I was like, oh, wow.
- 33:27You're that you grasp so much of this medical, and then we're using some really
- 33:33complex medical terms to explain what was going on with this patient and in the
- 33:39podcast and how they were recommending some remedies for his gut health.
- 33:43But the fact that she grasped it so quickly, and, it resonated with her.
- 33:49I was like, girl, you're going to be the next, you know, big doctor
- 33:53somewhere down in the future or somewhere in the science field.
- 33:56Don't hold yourself back.
- 33:58And so it's exposing our kids to a variety, especially our girls,
- 34:03to a variety of vocational skills subjects or vocational things that we
- 34:09discover what comes natural to them.
- 34:12And I think to your point, oftentimes when it comes to sciences, we
- 34:16put the boys there and then we say, girls, go do the arts.
- 34:19But no, we need to create a world where there's equity in terms of
- 34:26what they are in what they want to pursue both boys and girls can pursue
- 34:31sciences and excel and arts and excel.
- 34:35Yes.
- 34:36Oh my word, you know, we've been speaking for almost 40 minutes.
- 34:39Oh, really?
- 34:40Yep . This is so good.
- 34:42That's what this means, you know.
- 34:45So should I rush it?
- 34:46Yeah, no rush.
- 34:48Just give us tip number five, because we promised them five tips, right?
- 34:52Okay, so I have four and five, so I'll go through it.
- 34:54So the next tip is to seek a positive community support.
- 35:01Important.
- 35:01There's a Bible passage in 1 Thessalonians 5:11 that says, Therefore,
- 35:06encourage one another and build each other up just as in fact you are doing.
- 35:12So we need, God designed us for community and oftentimes we forget that.
- 35:18We need to find a faith based community of people and I say faith based because
- 35:24ideally those people will love you the way Christ designed us to love you.
- 35:29To love each other and so find a faith based community of people who will support
- 35:34you in your body image journey, as you will support them as and likewise, I
- 35:41am part of a number of women's groups.
- 35:45You know, of course, because my passion is about empowering women, but, you know,
- 35:49finding small life groups, women's life groups, because as we're learning the word
- 35:54of God, we're also encouraging each other, you know, in the faith and in our walk.
- 35:59And those life groups can also translate into lifelong relationships,
- 36:04which ideally will blossom into a community of support as you go
- 36:09through your body confidence journey.
- 36:12So it's important that you find a community of support.
- 36:15For me, like I said, it's been through my church.
- 36:17Some people might be through work.
- 36:20Some people might be within your own family or extended family.
- 36:23But the important thing is that you find a community of support of people
- 36:27who make you feel good about yourself.
- 36:30Of course, in doing so, you will have to set certain boundaries
- 36:35Yeah.
- 36:35And eliminate some people.
- 36:38So focus on community of support, not people that will break you down.
- 36:43And then lastly, I would say to engage in faith based reflection and meditation.
- 36:49I start each day reading the word of God.
- 36:53And why is that important?
- 36:54Because the word of God is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.
- 36:59And so before I step out, I want to know what God has set for me and I
- 37:06want to make sure that I'm in line with His Word in terms of who he wants me
- 37:11to serve, who he wants me to empower.
- 37:14And I think it's just good for us to start our day with that positive
- 37:18attitude and what better place to find it than in the Word of God.
- 37:23So, start your day with reflection, meditation on
- 37:26God's word, or worship music.
- 37:29I love listening to worship music and just feeling empowered and
- 37:35or listening to a good podcast on from a strong believer in the Lord.
- 37:40So those are my five tips right there.
- 37:43I love each and every one of them.
- 37:46And you know, you talked about starting each day with, you know,
- 37:49in the word of God, whether it's to praise music or using your own voice
- 37:53to praise or reading the word because that's something that a lot of us
- 37:58do not probably think deeply about.
- 38:00And that is every new day is exactly that.
- 38:03A new day.
- 38:04You never experienced that ever before.
- 38:08And so when we wake up and we are alive and well, not even if you're
- 38:12not well, you can still, you know, depending on, of course, the illness.
- 38:17But it's a new experience you've never, ever, ever experienced this day before.
- 38:24Anything that's ahead of you.
- 38:25If you think about that, it's exciting, isn't it?
- 38:29It is.
- 38:30And to remember that it's a gift.
- 38:32Every day you wake up is a gift.
- 38:35Every day you wake up and you're able to get out of bed and breathe
- 38:39in the fresh air is a gift.
- 38:40So don't take it for granted and use that time wisely.
- 38:43Use that day, that 24 hours that God has given you.
- 38:47Use it wisely and use it for impact and for his glory.
- 38:51Amen.
- 38:51Amen.
- 38:52This has been so inspiring to me, uplifting.
- 38:58I learned a lot.
- 38:59And so if other people want to learn more about you, how can they find you
- 39:03online or even offline if need be?
- 39:07Well, yes, you can find me online at nmaemeh.com.
- 39:11That's my website, nmaemeh.com.
- 39:14I also live on LinkedIn.
- 39:16So you can find me on LinkedIn as well, Nma Emeh and on Instagram.
- 39:21Now I'm not as active on Instagram because of course I sort of don't
- 39:26like Instagram, but you can find me, you can find me on Instagram.
- 39:29Same thing Nma Emeh.
- 39:32So, and yes, please, Facebook.
- 39:34Are you on Facebook?
- 39:35I am on Facebook.
- 39:37I am on Facebook.
- 39:38Same.
- 39:38Nma Speaks, actually.
- 39:41Okay.
- 39:41Nma Speaks on Facebook.
- 39:43And so, yes, I love to connect with people.
- 39:46I love to meet new people, new organizations.
- 39:50And one of my passions is being able to speak to women in different
- 39:56groups and just empower them.
- 39:59So, if your group is looking for someone to come and speak and
- 40:04empower or empower your girls.
- 40:07You know where to find me.
- 40:09Thank you.
- 40:10I love it.
- 40:11And I say it every episode that I have, I always have amazing people,
- 40:1799.9 percent of the people are men...
- 40:19women,
- 40:2399%!
- 40:24My guests are women, but I also have that 1 percent of men that are awesome.
- 40:31And so if you'd like to be a guest on my show, you can reach
- 40:33out to me on my website, which is chattingwiththeexperts.com.
- 40:37I also live on LinkedIn.
- 40:39I love LinkedIn.
- 40:40So you can find me on LinkedIn.
- 40:41Just look for Paula Okonneh there.
- 40:44I'm on Instagram.
- 40:45My handle there is at chat_experts_podcast and I am on Facebook.
- 40:54Look for Paula Okonneh on Facebook.
- 40:58This has been awesome.
- 41:00Thank you so much Nma for saying yes to coming on Chatting With
- 41:04the Experts and you know what?
- 41:07We need you to come on again because we need to hear more of about this,
- 41:11knowing that we are wonderfully and marvelously made in the sight of God.
- 41:17Yes, absolutely.
- 41:18I've enjoyed being on your show.
- 41:20I really enjoy this time with you and just this dialogue.
- 41:23It will be an honor to be back here to discuss, to talk, to answer
- 41:27questions from your community.
- 41:29So I'm looking forward to the second round.
- 41:32Thank you.
- 41:33Thank you.