Latest / The Favourite Self Podcast / 13. Renée Warren on Wanting More and How to Stop Apologizing for Success

Transcript

13. Renée Warren on Wanting More and How to Stop Apologizing for Success · The Favourite Self Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Stop telling yourself you don't deserve it.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: Stop stopping yourself.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: Just go do the damn thing, big or small, because we only get this one short life to live.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Why not make this life, this moment, the best it can possibly be?
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Favorite Self Podcast.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: I like to think of it not as your future self or your best self, but your favorite self.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: My favorite self that just makes me feel the truest version of me.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: What lights your favorite self on fire?
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Carly Ottaway, founder, author, storyteller, and a woman who learned that building a successful life means nothing if it doesn't feel like yours.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: This podcast is for women who are building businesses, raising families, leading movements, and asking themselves, is this it or is there more available to me?
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: This is your invitation to come back to yourself.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Let's dig in.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: In today's episode, I'm joined by Renee Warren, award-winning entrepreneur, angel investor, and host of Into the Wild, a top-rated podcast empowering women to step into their greatness.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: She's the creator of the Pink Skirt Project, a highly anticipated event where ambitious women come together to redefine success and rise alongside each other.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: She's been featured in Forbes, Business Insider, Entrepreneur, and more.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm telling you, this conversation felt like one big permission slip for ambitious women to stop apologizing for wanting more.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: We talk about confidence stacking, doing it scared, success apology syndrome, motherhood, building businesses alongside your partner who is also a high-speed entrepreneur, and what it really takes to be seen in your truth without shrinking to make other people comfortable.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Renee shares so honestly about the stories that we tell ourselves, the evidence that we collect along the way, and the power of choosing the life, business, support, and visibility you actually desire.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: This episode is for the woman who knows she is meant for more, but is still learning to trust herself, own her success, and just go do the damn thing.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Enjoy.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the Favorite Self podcast.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Today is a really special one.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: I knew that podcasting had the potential to open doors in so many unexpected ways.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: And that's a big part of what I was so excited about.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: And this definitely feels like one of those pinch me moments.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: I have the one and only Renee Warren on the podcast today.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: And Renee is someone whose work has created such a powerful ripple effect for the ambitious women.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like this conversation is really going to be beautiful permission.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: We're already getting into it even before I hit record.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: For the women who know they're meant for more, but are still learning to trust themselves and stop apologizing for wanting it.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: So welcome, Renee.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so happy you're here.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no more saying sorry, especially as Canadians.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: Let's not apologize anymore.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: I actually would love to get into the confidence piece right off the bat because I think this is something I've loved hearing your take on it and just like how how confidence is built when it comes.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: You use a phrase called confidence stacking.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I really love that phrase.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like so many women are waiting to feel confident before they move, before they take the action.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I'd love to hear like you share what does confidence stacking mean?
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: And how do we start building it before we feel ready?
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: Well, you can never be born confident.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: I think that there's people that have more confidence than others.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: But the reality about confidence is that we need it to actually do anything in life, to apply for a job, to ask for a raise, to ask the person to marry you.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: So there's also a lot, I like a level of conviction in it, knowing that this could possibly go well.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: But confidence is built in the baby steps.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's like the the test that you take in taking the first step towards launching a podcast.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: When it comes to things that are unpredictable, like a show, it's it's the confidence in the reps.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like I set out to do my show into the wild, it's been over six years, and we have like 400 and something episodes.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_01: And we're not in like the top 0.5%.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: We don't have millions and millions of downloads still making an impact.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: So sometimes when we look at like building confidence, we think we always have to be the best in the world at the thing we're going to do.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: And that automatically signs you up for failure.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: So when we look at building confidence or becoming confident in something in our life, whether it's like wearing a bikini or asking for a raise or starting a business, it's really in what is the one thing I can do right now to be confident in this moment?
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's not being like on like sports illustrated swimsuit runway in a bikini, but you know, sure, that could be it too.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: We go at it with such high expectations without realizing the work that's involved.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: That's where people give up.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: Everything takes much longer than anticipated.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: Everything costs way more money than expected, too.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: So confidence is in the like, what's in my peripheral right now?
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: What is the one thing I can do in this moment to build towards a goal?
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: And so, like with the podcast, I honestly didn't know.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: I really did not know what it was supposed to do.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: I remember listening to Amy Porterfield years ago saying, blogging is dead, everyone's podcasting.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: So I said, perfect, I will just start recording.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, it can't be that hard.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: But you're learning too.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's like it's about the consistency, but the confidence is built in their reps.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: And it's kind of like a muscle being built, right?
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: The stronger it gets, the easier it is for it to grow.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: So when we do face those roadblocks and the failures where we stumble and we fall, something happens along the way, we can fall back on recognizing what we've already built.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: The confidence pyramid, so this confidence stacking pyramid, there's a few layers in it with the ultimate goal of reaching the apex, which is rich girl energy.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: And rich girl energy is defined not about like the nice things and the wealth we have in life, although those are important.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's really about believing you deserve everything that you have, including your ambitions, including your beliefs, including your feelings.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: But most of us start at the bottom, which is the conviction.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: Or sorry, the convicted.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: So we live in a jail.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: We live in a jail of other people's expectations.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: We live in a jail of what other people think we should believe.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: That could be religion, it could be about how your worth, it could be about where to live, about like what job to have, about what's business to start or not.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: Until we start really seeing that the evidence of wait, this isn't actually what I want.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: And there are people that are in scary situations where they can't actually, for the sake of their safety, get out of this jail.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: But for the majority of us, we can, we put ourselves, we self-select to put ourselves in a jail because it's familiar, it's comfortable.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: We like the oh, you're wearing stripes, it's hilarious.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: We all wearing like the striped jail suits.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: Carly, you got some work to do, I think.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: And then once we when we recognize, and it's just like this little glimmer, this little glimmer of possibility of wait a second, looking at somebody else who has a similar situation, actually step up.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: And we we see the evidence in our lives where we can also do the same thing.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: So then we kind of move up to this part about being in in trial.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: So think about like court.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: You're in trial.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: So when you're in trial, it's like you go in with all the evidence to prove the other person wrong and to prove yourself right.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: So, like when you finally do it, it's scary because you're collecting the evidence.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: Wait, I can do this.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: Wait, I can I can totally work out and get the body I want.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: Who's to say I can't?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of people that have said I can't.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: There's also more people that have said I can.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_01: There's a thing called confirmation bias where we always seek out the answer that we think we need to validate our beliefs, which is always such a lie.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: That also keeps us stuck.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: So in these moments where think about it in court, you're like going to propose all of this evidence as to why you can do the thing.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: And finally, someone says, absolutely.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: Now you have this one little speck of confidence where you can go out and start doing the thing, whatever that is.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: And then you start doing it.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: And then this is the part that is the hardest.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's almost like it's the biggest part of the pyramid because it can take the longest amount of time to actually build the evidence to get to the apex of rich girl energy.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: And it's about conviction.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: The conviction is wait, I can do this, I'm gonna do this.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like the think about all the people in your life, the women who have such conviction in what they're selling and what they're doing.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: The people that show up.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: Now there's this woman on Instagram who's gone viral.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: She started her Instagram account six months ago, and she's has hundreds of thousands of followers, and she just did a$1.2 million launch.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_01: She got the conviction somewhere that she could do it.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: And now she's like, whoa, now she has evidence.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: Wait, I just like did$1.2 million launch, and it's not even anything she could have fathomed six and a half months ago.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: So now we reflect on that success, and now that becomes your your foundation.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's a new base.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: You've leveled up.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: And in those moments, you it's almost like when you're on fire, like, wait, what more can I do?
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: The conviction of like, I could get on the private jet with the rock as an example.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: I could be on the runway for the sports illustrated swimsuit edition.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: Why not?
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: Why not you?
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: Why not now?
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_01: Then you've reached the apex, which is the rich girl energy, which is the whole, like, you deserve it and you feel it.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's not about ego.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's not about stepping on other people's toes.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: Because my favorite quote in the world is by Stevie Nicks, where she says, if you're gracious, you've already won the game.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's about being a kind warrior.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's about going out and just doing the thing and understanding there are people who will feel insulted by your success.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: There are people who will feel like you deserve they deserve part of that success because they were there in the early days.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: And in those moments, you can either shrink and be like, you're right, and stop growing, or you could realize you end up being the biggest mirror in these people's lives, where you're simply reflecting back to them their insecurities.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: Now, two things will happen is they'll continue living their life as they did, and they'll hate you more and more as you grow.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: That's what happens.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: Or you'll inspire them.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: And all of a sudden now they're like, wait, you know what?
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: I was wrong.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: I want on that rocket ship.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: Where are we going?
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: And then you inspire them and they, you guys experience life together, and it's a beautiful thing.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: And the part that's the hardest, especially for women, when they get to this rich girl energy, is they don't feel like they deserve it.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like they have the evidence, they're in court in court, they have the conviction, I can do this.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: If I did it, anybody can do this.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: And now they're like, but wait, I don't, I don't deserve this.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_01: So that feeling I'm not deserving it stops people from that abundance.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: And the abundance mindset is never thinking that a competitor is a threat.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's just validation that the it's proof of the market.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's proof that people need the thing.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_01: And just because somebody else is growing and did a$1.2 million launch doesn't mean you can't.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: And just because Lisa got on the stage for the sports illustrated swimsuit thing this year and you didn't make it doesn't mean you can't.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: And so when we when we're in this like upper level of the stack, and we kind of bounce back from like deserving it, rich girl energy to like conviction, got to prove myself again.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: And you go back to the bottom too.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: It happens where like the next level they say is a new devil.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: So sometimes we're like, okay, I'm at the apex.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like we were talking about this before recording, how I said last year was so good, I kind of like, I'm like, when's the ball gonna drop?
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: And it did.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: And now I'm like, crap.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: Now I'm just now there's like one bad thing happened, and now another bad thing happened.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: And here's what happens.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: Even though I was at the like the apex of this pyramid, now because these things were so heart, like they're so painful to go through, and everyone experiences things in life like lost grief.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: Is now that's all I started seeking.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: The evidence that the ball has dropped, as opposed to the greatness of things that I've accomplished, my event that's gonna be a sellout, the speaker lineup at my event.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: We just upgraded our private jet.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: We have a private jet, and I ain't ashamed to talk about that.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: We got a bigger one.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: That's cool.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: We get to like experience life from a perspective a lot of people don't get, and I'm not ashamed to talk about that.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I could reflect back on that, but sometimes when we get just hit by like some really tough news, then we're like, oh no, I'm supposed to be like grieving, I'm supposed to be sad, I'm supposed to be angry and frustrated because those are the feelings and emotions that we often associate to certain things in our life.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: So if I'm not sad because my father is very ill and only has a few months left to live, this is facts.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: People are like, well, you should be sad because he's dying.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I am sad, but I'm not gonna live my life every single day grieving.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's not, that's not, that's not the point.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: Right now, the point is celebration.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: We still have time with him.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_01: Let's go do all the things we can right now.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: So now I'm seeking the receipts and the validation of being able to do that despite the prognosis.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: So we think about these moments in in business where it's like, oh, the client didn't pay their bill, or the client decided to no longer work with us.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: What happens?
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: We and we feel so defeated in these moments.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: And like, listen, feel those feelings.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: But factually, a feeling is can only real, a real feeling only survives in your body for 90 seconds.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_01: There's research on this.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: Beyond that, it's the rumination, it's the stories you start telling yourself about that feeling.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: So you could feel bummed out that the client didn't pay you or the client decided to cancel working with you.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_01: And let it be the feeling's valid.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: Now, instead of ruminating about how terrible maybe the communication was and how your team failed, you could be like, what do I got to do now to fill that client?
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_01: What do I got to do now so that we can grow, as opposed to just reflecting on all the stuff he did wrong?
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_01: Use that as data, sure.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: My husband is so great at doing this.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: In this studio spot that we have, we're in the Innovation Center in downtown Kelowna, BC.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: And he always parks outside with one of his supercars.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_01: And about a year ago, somebody backed into one of his very rare supercars.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: We're talking like there's only a few hundred of these vehicles made in the world.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: Everything is handmade.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: So immediately an accident with a vehicle like that depreciates the value of the car, regardless of it getting fixed.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_01: You can't ever make that back.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_01: And insurance doesn't cover it.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's the cost you pay for having nice things sometimes.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: But it happened.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: He looked outside, he saw it.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: Someone showed him the video of it happening.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_01: And instead of getting all angry and throwing hate and whatever it was, he turned to one of the guys in the team and said, Hey, can you call up the garage and let them know this happened, get it towed right away and replaced with one of the other cars?
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: Sat down and recorded a podcast.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: And like, what?
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: My whole body was like, How are you not angry?
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: I'm angry, but now I'm angry for you not being angry.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_01: And the message was very clear is you can let the emotion sit with you and ruin your whole day and literally ruin everybody else's, or you can move on.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: It took like six months for that car to get fixed.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: I wow.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: So powerful and such a powerful reminder of how powerful our stories are.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: The both the stories that we tell ourselves and our heads and how much power they can hold on us.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: And the power of you coming here, sharing your story with my audience of, you know, the success that you've reached and really normalizing the path to get there and the baby steps that you've put in and the reps that you've put in.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I love the rocket ship analogy.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: I was actually just having a conversation with a friend who is in it right now, lost a key team member, and felt like she was saying, I felt felt like I was on this rocket ship.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, the rocket ship has not slowed down.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: You've just hit some turbulence, you know, and just that reminder of the the astronauts that fly to the moon didn't just wake up one day and say, I'm gonna fly to the moon.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: They put in all the reps, all the flights before, and we forget about that.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: We see the examples of the six-month launch to 1.2 million, and we don't actually look behind the scenes and open the curtain and see what it took to get there.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I just so appreciate it.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_01: And also, those people may have just figured something out, and that's the whole thing.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_01: They figured something out for them in that moment that just worked.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: And this was a woman who like did a bunch of yapping videos and she had like a yapping problem.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_01: And when I looked at her, like, listen, I had the emotion go through wait, I have a full-time creative director and a full-time editor, and we weren't able to accomplish this.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: So I doubted myself.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_01: But the cool thing about those feelings is their data.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're mature enough to understand that, the moment I sat there, I was like, I'm I'm jealous.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: This feeling is envy.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: How can I use this for good?
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: And immediately I was like, okay, team, like Dan that we got to do this, we got to figure this out.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_01: We're overthinking this, we're over-analyzing stuff, we're over-editing stuff.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: Let's just get more organic, let's make our lives easier.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: So it wasn't about just staying there and being in the emotion of jealousy.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_01: Because as my dad says, jealousy is the ugliest thing.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: It's true.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's the ugliest emotion.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: Use that as energy and data to make your whatever it is you're working on better.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_01: So for me, it was like our content game.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_01: We got to step this up.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: And the irony is stepping it up was actually pulling back, pulling back on the production, pulling back on a lot of the stuff and actually doing more organic things.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't think enough people realize that they can have negative emotions.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_01: Because like all feelings are valid.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_01: Even if someone says you're overreacting.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: Nope.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_01: An emotion is an emotion, it's valid regardless, because we all experiencing things differently.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: They say the world isn't as it is, it's as you are.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: And we talk about things like this water bottle is a pink water bottle.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 19:35
  unknown: Yeah.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: But what happens if I told you it was actually blue?
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_01: And you're like, there's absolutely zero evidence, Renee, that water bottle is blue.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_01: But then I can just tell you it's blue, and then all of a sudden it's gonna start looking blue.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_01: Now all of a sudden you're you and I walk around with these pink blue water bottles.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_01: We're like, Lake, look at my blue water bottle.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_01: The point being is that when the feeling arrives, jealousy, envy, defeat, grief, use it as like let it go through your body, use it as data to realize, oh, there's something in your life that you're not doing that you know you should be doing.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_01: So get to work.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: Do the thing.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I love that you use the mirror analogy because I that's my language I share all the time about yeah, what is that reflection?
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: What is that actually reflecting back to you in the story that you're sharing and in what it's triggering, the emotion that you're feeling, and where's the opportunity to rewrite that story and write your own story through that evidence.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_01: You know, the easiest way to find out if someone's triggered, it's easy.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's look at the comments they're leaving in other people's stuff.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_01: If it's negative, triggered.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_01: To the point now that I see it so often, I almost feel bad for the person.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: I go, oh gosh.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: Like you're you're showing everybody where you're insecure.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_01: You're showing everybody where you're you're weak.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: And not in like a bad way, but it's like it's it's such an obvious, um, it's such an obvious thing.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_01: And when you look at your team as an example, because we talked about team, it's the the toxic person is the weakest link, right?
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_01: You know, the analogy of like the orange in a container and the orange starts to rot and that affects the one next to it and the next, and it's true.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I had a team during my agency days when I had a PR agency, I had a woman on the team who was so good at what she did.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_01: She was phenomenal, the best in the team with the work she was doing.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_01: The clients loved her.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_01: She was so mean to the team.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I didn't know it because she wasn't mean to me until the team started saying stuff.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: And then I started reading things and I realized this person is very toxic.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: And we did everything to accommodate her because she performed so well.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: And it just seemed like so embarrassing, especially from the clients who really loved her work, that we had to let her go.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I mean, those emotions.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: They show up everywhere.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_01: So the the easiest way to find someone's trigger point is to look at the comments they say if they're negative.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: I I love the rotten orange analogy.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: And there's also the ripe banana analogy as well, where ripe bananas help the other bananas become ripe.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: So choose to surround yourself with other ripe bananas instead of rotten oranges.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, but don't let those bananas ripen too much because then they get rotten.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: Too much, too fast.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_00: I love that you brought up negative commons.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I think, you know, we I'd love to go there too, because yes, I agree.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's often just their projections, right?
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: That they're projecting onto you.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: And for you, someone who has a ton of visibility and with that comes, of course, that's that feels like part of the journey.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I like to think of it that way too, and coach clients through that.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: That, you know, when you get the negative comment, it's like part of the success journey and where you're heading and opening more doors and getting more visibility.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: What's your method or mentality behind that?
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: And how do you navigate being seen on such a grand scale?
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_00: How does that feel for you?
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_01: See, negative comments that trigger me again as a reflection of the work I need to do.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like I had someone say, um, along the lines of, How are you the person to coach women in business if you're not educated?
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh no, no, I have an undergrad at Laurier in business.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, but like, you don't have a master's degree.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: All of a sudden, now her justification for somebody who fits this role has all these letters after her name.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: And she started calling me stupid and dumb and a gold digger.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I'm not even gonna play this card.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_01: I was so not offended by it at all.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_01: Because I know that I'm very capable of doing this work.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: So the hater comments that really hurt are in areas of your life that you're already really insecure.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_01: And for me, the part that hurt wasn't so much the negative comments they happen.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, listen, how we operate on the team is if they attack my character, it's deleted.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_01: And if it's a really terrible attack, they're blocked.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_01: If they attack the idea or the opinion, that's cool.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_01: We'll let it stay.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: And then maybe we'll rebuttal.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_01: But that's that's very clear.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_01: Because I remember there was a time we shared a real, when I say we, my husband and I, about how we I read a study about kids that talk back isn't necessarily a bad thing.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_01: It could indicate that they're confident enough to say their own boundaries.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_01: And she went off to say, you are a terrible mother.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_01: I go, wow, you just really dissolved my entire existence as a terrible mother because you disagree with this one thing.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_01: That gets deleted.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_01: And that person probably gets blocked because I don't need that.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_01: But if she said, hey, listen, I think that there's better ways of like raising your kids and they shouldn't talk back, and here's why, sure.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_01: I would, I would open up my ears to that, but you never attack the character.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_01: The part that hurts the most in the growth isn't so much the people you don't know.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: It's the people you know.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's the friends that self-select to remove themselves from your life because then all of a sudden you're too busy or too good for them.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like in a mirror, right?
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_01: Or the friends that are maybe in the same industry that were your peers that were supporting each other, but now your growth is bigger than theirs.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_01: So now you're a threat.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_01: And they're so insecure in the work they're doing and in themselves that they actually whisper terrible things in your community that's happened to me.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_01: And it it sucks.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_01: And then there's the people who at that same level who feel like they're entitled to your success because as colleagues and peers, you were giving each other business advice and sharing your wins because of something you you told them or whatever, sharing like the the tips and tricks.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_01: And now suddenly you're growing and they're not, not because of just one piece of advice they gave you, because you're consistent.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_01: Now all of a sudden, they feel like you owe them something because they're not growing and you are.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_01: And this is where a lot of women stay small because they don't want to make other people feel uncomfortable.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_01: They don't want to ever position themselves as better or richer or smarter or faster than any of their peers.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's a big reason why I created the Pink Skirt Project.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I I've I sat in it.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_01: I sat in the hate.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_01: It hurts a lot.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_01: The feeling is like equivalent to like the heartbreak of your first love.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_01: Although it doesn't last as long.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's maybe just like a few days.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_01: But it's still, it exists because you can be in these positions where you have not done anything wrong.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: You've literally done nothing wrong but pursue your dreams and your deepest desires, and you're happy because of it.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like I see there's a guy that I used to employ, and you know, he was gaining weight year over year over year, and he was so frustrated because he realized his default mode to like feeling that void, like we all have our sort of addictions with food.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_01: And finally he reached out to me.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, Renee, I feel really trusted telling you this.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_01: But I went on Ozambic and I have energy back.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_01: And and I go, Have you done your research?
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, Yeah, I go, good on you.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, but I feel ashamed.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like, people are gonna find out.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_01: I go, here's what I'm gonna tell you right now.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: They're talking about you anyway.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_01: So they can either talk about the overweight version of you or the new version of you.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_01: When I got my nose done, random plasti.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_01: For 30 years, I wanted to get my nose done.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_01: Same thing.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I don't want anyone to know, but they're gonna know because they're gonna see me on screen and be like, Wait, what'd you do?
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I finally decided I'm gonna talk about it.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_01: Because the reality is they're gonna either talk about how big my nose is, or they're gonna talk about the fact that I got a nose job.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_01: So, what story do you actually care people to talk about?
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_01: I'd rather them talk about the fact that I did something for myself and I got a nose job.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_01: So when the hate shows up, it's like, what version of the story do you actually want people to talk about?
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and there's so much energy that goes into hiding your truth, right?
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: And hiding behind the shame that's maybe holding you back.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: Whereas when as soon as you own your truth and own your story, and again remember that you get to be the author of that, it feels so freeing.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_00: They're talking about the cage and you know, like really letting yourself out of the cage.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_00: And that's it.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_01: The for me being convicted was saying, this was the nose I was born with.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_01: I'm supposed to honor how beautiful I am, and everyone, you know, like, and I'm rolling my eyes for people that are listening to this, not because it's not true, because I say the same thing, but also I was so traumatized in grade school for and being made fun of that I did the work.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: I did the work in like making like looking in the mirror and saying, You're beautiful, Renana.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_01: Read all the books, and I was like, screw it, I'm getting nose job.
• 29:07
  unknown: Yeah.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: And you built the life that uh gave you the power to make that decision.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and that's it.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_01: And everybody has that power.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_01: But being stuck in that convicted jail was like, I am not gonna do this because I don't want other people not to talk to me because I made that decision.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_01: Here's what I'm gonna tell you, Carly.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_01: When I shared the story of my nose job, the before and after, you would not believe the messages I got from men saying, I got a tummy tuck, I didn't tell anybody.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_01: I got this job.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_01: Girls are like, I got breast implants, it looks so natural, nobody knows.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, whoa, this whole world exists, and people are so terrified of telling their truth.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_01: You can imagine that weight on them because they're so worried about what people are gonna say.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_01: There is one man in particular who had been bugging him forever because he really wanted to get rhinoplasty.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, Who's your surgeon?
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I gave him the information.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_01: He went, he got rhinoplasty.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't even know this was happening.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_01: He showed me the after picture, and I was like totally transformed.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_01: Not only because his nose, much smaller, more in line with his face, you could see he's happier.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_01: But you can also imagine the people in his life who probably, like I say, self-selected to remove themselves because he did something for himself.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_01: The worst is is with women.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like we there's there's this thing with like the sisterhood, the sisterhood wound is so strong because women literally crawl all over each other for zero reason.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_01: I kind of wish that there was like a week in our life as women where if we had an issue with another woman, we just go into a boxing ring, box it out, call it a day.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_01: Like men.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's this interesting thing that we are we are from like the species gender perspective, way more competitive.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_01: And that has to stop.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_01: Because it is it is the opposite of rich girl energy.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I I just love that you the example that you shared of of sharing your story and owning that, and then all the messages that come in, because then it's about so much more that yes, you did this thing for you that empowered you and and you know, gave back to you in all these ways, but by sharing it and speaking your truth out loud, you gave so many other other people permission to live their truth out loud too, and to really be convicted in that story.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I I have a similar experience, but different, in that I went through, I lost my house in a fire.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_00: We had a house fire.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_00: And at the time I didn't know anyone personally who had gone through that experience.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_00: And then when I shared my story, I got so many DMs from people sharing their own stories and then being able to make that connection.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_00: And then we, you know, I was able to, you know, hear about how they navigated it.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that's just that power of standing in our truth and and sharing it and having the courage to share, even though there might be projections and negativity that come with that.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I'd love to hear about because you talk about doing it scared, and this leads into that conversation.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_00: And how do you personally know the difference between fear that's protecting you and fear that is stretching you?
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_01: Fear that's stretching you is stuff that you ruminate.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_01: Fear that's protecting you is like it, it's an instant hit.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like there's a bear, ah, your body goes and it reacts, right?
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_01: But fear that is stopping you from pursuing things is stuff you just keep ruminating about.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_01: For instance, my event.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_01: I have fear because this year I have to do an hour-long keynote.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_01: I've never done that before at my own event.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_01: But it was requested because last year I didn't speak that much.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_01: I should have.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_01: And so people like, we want to hear more of Renee.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_01: I fear that because I feel like I have to have it dialed in, like it's gonna be the standing ovation.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_01: And if I do it wrong, then I'm a big screw up.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_01: So when you keep telling yourself these stories, guess what's gonna happen?
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_01: Is you're gonna create what you've been believing.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_01: So my fear, like everyone has fears.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_01: I can't even tell you, like my husband has spoken that some of the world's biggest stages still has fears of going on stage.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_01: So the fears that are protecting you are like visceral, um, physiological reactions.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_01: There's also, but uh also the fears of an example would be going into business with somebody who has all the accolades, all the receipts, but your gut's like, hmm, something's off.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_01: Your gut's never wrong.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_01: No one's ever regretted going with their gut.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_01: I can tell you in the last year, I was like, God, darn it, I knew it.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_01: I shouldn't have done it with this person.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_01: I shouldn't have, you know, that that fear is real.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_01: Again, it's it's a physiological reaction.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_01: You can you have more like, I think it's um neurotransmitters or something, I'm no biologist, in your gut.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I actually talk about this in my planner where you have a decision-making in your head, your heart, and your gut.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_01: So there's three decision-making areas.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_01: The head is like justifying stuff, the heart is like the feelings of it, and the gut is the real answer.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_01: So when you think about a fear of something that keeps showing up, it is likely a loop that you haven't closed.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_01: It is likely you're starting to believe the stories about why this should be scary.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like when I was eight, no, how old was I?
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_01: 20, 20 years old, I went and I decided to move to Australia for a year.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_01: Got a working visa and I went.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_01: My parents are like, you don't know anybody.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_01: I go, Oh, I will change that very quickly.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just gonna go meet people.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like, it's no different than meet people at a university.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_01: And so the fear was kept getting instilled by them because their fear is something's gonna happen to me.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_01: And my fear is like, wait, you're holding me back.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_01: And sure, there could be days where I have zero money in my bank account, or I'm I got the flu, which I did pretty much when I landed.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like, but the fear of the worst case scenario, the irony is it could happen right now in this moment.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_01: It could happen today.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_01: And sure, it's very likely that you're opening up greater percentage possibility of stuff happening if you're traveling the world.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_01: But the fear that protects you has kept our species alive.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_01: The fear that is just a rumination is actually keeping us small.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, so good.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_00: And there's understanding the fear too, and where the fear is coming from, and of course, all the nervous system pieces that come with that.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_00: I think a common misunderstanding around fear when it comes to visibility and being seen too, is like the connecting it to more of like a fear of failing.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_00: But I know something you speak to also is that fear of actually being seen wanting more.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_00: And as women, we talked about this before we hit record too.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: We tend to default to this like apology mode of apologizing for even wanting more.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_00: And we feel like we need to be grateful for what we have and we can talk about spiral and and like lean into those projections.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_00: So you share something called success apology syndrome.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_00: And where it's where high achieving women are downplaying their wins, right?
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I'd love to hear more about that and where you think that comes from in women and and where is it connected to that fear of being seen wanting more?
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, because it's like when you're in the spotlight, you're just opening yourself up to being judged.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_01: And what we we know ourselves.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_01: And some people might call you a mean or a B-I-T-C-H, and you're like, but that's not me.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_01: But we also have to remember that the world is not as it is, it's as it's who as who we are.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so you might not think that you're a mean person, but somebody else might because of X, Y, and Z.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_01: And they're just they're connecting to that version of you.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_01: Because maybe there was one day you were in a rush, and the person at the coffee shop said, Good morning, Renee, how's it going?
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_01: And you didn't say anything back.
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_01: And that's all they saw.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_01: They're like, Oh, she's a mean person.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_01: But they've already made that judgment, and now all they're doing is they're collecting the evidence that you're a mean person, according to them.
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_01: That's not true.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_01: And you could do everything in your life to change their opinion of you.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_01: What's the point?
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_01: So, Success Apology Syndrome is like, for me, I identified the syndrome when we got our first supercar.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_01: Back in the day, we were living in New Brunswick, and my husband got a McLaren.
• 37:53
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like an orange, like race car supercar.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_01: And it stood out, and it was like one of the only McLaren's in the province at the time, definitely the only one in the area.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_01: And so all the car people found out about this and they started showing up and they're looking at the car.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_01: And here's the thing: I did not realize how much I thought that rich people were scumbags.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_01: I did not realize that I thought every single person who had a nice car, a big house, extravagant trips were all douchebags.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so now I'm sitting in this car in the passenger seat, and all these people are looking, not looking at me, they're looking at the car, and then they look at the car, then they look at who inside the car, and all I can think about was they're judging me.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_01: They think I'm with him for his money.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_01: They like all of these stories going through my head that I believed so much that I started hating the car.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_01: It had nothing to do with the car.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_01: So finally, one day we're sitting there.
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_01: These are the the doors kind of open like upwards, right?
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_01: They don't don't, uh so it's like really crazy, like robotic, um, transformer type car.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_01: And pulled over, and there's these kids that are like, oh my God, taking pictures.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I go to step out and they're looking at me and they're asking me questions about the car.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I don't like this attention.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_01: I very, I feel very insecure.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_01: I don't like that people are looking at me because of the car.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_01: So I had to do the work to realize that wait a second, this is my car too.
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_01: I can drive this car.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_01: I can get in the driver's seat and I can go to the coffee shop if I want to, because this is also my vehicle.
• 39:26
  SPEAKER_01: I never felt like I deserved it because I thought, well, I'm not the one who paid for it.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_01: So who am I to be the one to drive it?
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_01: So not feeling like I deserve it was the craziest thing.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_01: And so I used that moment to reflect back on other areas of my life where I was just dimming everything.
• 39:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I got over the whole like driving the supercar.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, yeah, I get to drive this thing.
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_01: We get to a point of success.
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of women that'll have like, they'll achieve something they've always wanted to achieve, could be big, could be little, could be the fact that, you know, they have two kids and they live in their dream home and they have a happy marriage, or that they did a million-dollar launch, whatever it is.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_01: And they start downplaying that success so that other people don't feel uncomfortable, so that other people don't feel like that you feel better than them, or that you're going to be too busy for them, you don't have time for them anymore.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_01: Because we are so afraid of shaking up the status quo that we just go back to our lives and we just play it safe.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_01: Because when we look at the women that are breaking the rules, Cody Sanchez, Leila Hermozzi, like all those women, the names they get called are just diabolical.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_01: Somebody has to do it and they ain't pausing for anybody.
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_01: They're not gonna shut down or shut up for anybody, which gives us hope.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_01: But most of us will say, Yeah, like, you know, last month we had$100,000 a month.
• 40:55
  SPEAKER_01: That happened in my business.
• 40:57
  SPEAKER_01: So great to celebrate.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_01: People texting me, good job, Renee, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, if you add it up, it's over a million dollar a year business, doing what I love four days a week.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I found myself reading that text, being like, yeah, but you know, why wasn't it$150,000?
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_01: Or for my friends who are in the business world who don't have$100,000 months yet, I won't even talk about it.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_01: I'll actually highlight my failures more so that they feel comfortable.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_01: I still do that.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_01: So I got over the car thing.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_01: Now I'm celebrating revenue.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_01: Guess what happened?
• 41:35
  SPEAKER_01: The McLaren was my husband's car.
• 41:38
  SPEAKER_01: I drove a nice BMW.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_01: But about two weeks ago, I got a Lamborghini Urus.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's their SUV.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_01: It's my favorite SUV, it's mine to drive.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_01: I drive it, it's my car.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_01: Those feelings showed up again.
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I drove, remember, drove to the office the first day, and I was turning the corner, and people were looking at the car, and all of those emotions came flooding back.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_01: That must be your husband's car.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, she must be a douchebag.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, she must walk all over people's toes to be able to afford a car like that.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_01: As opposed to, I work my butt off, I employ a lot of people, I have a great team.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_01: We wrote a check for$500,000 for local charities last year, as opposed to celebrating that stuff.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_01: And these are big.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_01: Not everyone gets to drive a Lambeau, not everybody gets to give, you know, half a million dollars to charity.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_01: But also, I do believe people would be in more positions to do so if they actually started celebrating all the things they've achieved.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 42:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 42:36
  SPEAKER_00: Can we all lean into that more?
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_00: And by celebrating ourselves and healing ourselves and our own unworthiness and undeservingness, we get to celebrate the woman driving in the Lamborghini and knowing that that's possible for me too, and actually cheer each other on in that.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_00: I I love that story so much, and especially that it came up for you again and just that reminder of, you know, the new level, new devil, and that we can, we we're not like just suddenly healed and we're still always working through these wounds or challenges in different capacities.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I always love to connect the dots.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_00: So when I when you talk tell the McLaren story and then you have that moment where it didn't you were unbothered by it, and it you realize that it was a neutral feeling.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_00: Do you remember?
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_00: Was there was there a manifestation that came through around that time for you in your business or something that hit?
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_01: So the the dashboard of the McLaren is this like velvety material.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember sitting there leaning forward and like it's the it's the one where like if you push forward, it goes dark and you pull backwards.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's like so.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I remember playing with it and I was like, man, this is nice.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_01: Wait, this is mine.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_01: And and no one, no one died in the process of me getting this.
• 43:51
  SPEAKER_01: No one was taken advantage of.
• 43:54
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, it it was just it was a beautiful moment of just sitting in that car with the door open.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_01: And listen, it it's kind of like a reactivation.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_01: It it came back up.
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_01: It came back up with the the Lambo that I drive now.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I still find myself in those moments.
• 44:08
  SPEAKER_01: But I think it's like that was a clear moment.
• 44:12
  SPEAKER_01: The revenue thing, too, was clear for me to share because my friend just did a$17.5 million launch.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, okay,$100,000 a month seems so little.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_01: And see, you start to minimize yourselves.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_01: But using that as like the weight, I was like, wait a second, I did$100,000.
• 44:31
  SPEAKER_01: And she did over a million dollars.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_01: You know?
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's like when I think back at that moment, it's use like savor that more.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_01: And when it comes back to the belief system, my belief system was that I grew up in a household where my father taught my sister and I that you deserve the money you earn.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_01: And the money was in exchange for hourly work.
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_01: So if I didn't work the hour to earn the money, then I don't deserve what I earn.
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_01: So I didn't work towards owning that vehicle.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_01: Instead, I created a whole family ecosystem, like so much involved so that as a family we could live this life.
• 45:12
  SPEAKER_01: So we both participated in it.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_01: So I sat there, I was like, oh my gosh, my dad is the one that taught me this.
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_01: And that's because my dad was taught that I could change this belief.
• 45:22
  SPEAKER_01: I could change the belief that your wealth creation isn't about how many hours you work.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_01: It's about the value you create.
• 45:32
  SPEAKER_01: And now with AI, woof, you can do so much.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_01: The team is working behind the scenes.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_01: My agents are all working right now, building really cool dashboards.
• 45:42
  SPEAKER_00: And isn't that amazing?
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_00: I I really would love to pivot into motherhood because I was doing my research and reading some cool older stories about you too, and just your experience launching the PR agency while you're pregnant and building the seven-figure agency and moving cities and starting over really somewhere new and not having support or help at that time and being married to a high-speed entrepreneur and you know, two highly ambitious parents that are navigating new parenthood.
• 46:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I would just love if you could reflect on that because I know a lot of um the listeners to this podcast are are in that season, whether whether they have, you know, really fresh babies or they're in just that very full kind of parenting season.
• 46:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like it's common now too that we are missing this feeling of the village in that, in you know, because it's become this something that we pay for constantly.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I just am so curious about your own experience with that and any advice that you would share for those female entrepreneurs.
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_01: So the story goes is I was eight months pregnant with my first son.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_01: I launched my agency, and then he was born, and then 11 months later, my second son was born.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_01: So in the same year, I launched a PR agency and had two babies.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_01: And my husband was raising money for his startup, so he was always gone.
• 47:08
  SPEAKER_01: So I was literally doing everything.
• 47:09
  SPEAKER_01: I don't recommend that.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_01: But I believe that I experienced that season because I needed to teach other people how not to do it.
• 47:18
  SPEAKER_01: And again, going back to like the money beliefs, I never felt like I deserved help at the house.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_01: I never felt like I deserved a night nanny or a nanny or daycare for a kid so early.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_01: And that was really hard for me to wrap my head around.
• 47:32
  SPEAKER_01: But also my business was growing and I loved the work that I was doing back then.
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_01: So we had the boys.
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_01: So my I have two boys, and they were in daycare very quickly.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_01: My sister-in-law had an in-home daycare and then an actual daycare.
• 47:47
  SPEAKER_01: So she took them, and then I was able to work.
• 47:51
  SPEAKER_01: I did daycare drop-off, my husband did pickup, and in those hours of like a normal like nine to four, I was able to get as much work done as possible.
• 48:00
  SPEAKER_01: But I realized that my shifts, I had like five shifts in the day.
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_01: I had my morning solo shift before the kids woke up, then the mother shift, and then dropping them off of daycare, going doing the business shift, coming home doing the mother shift again, and then the final business shift at night.
• 48:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I did that for years until it finally burnt out.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_01: The lesson in that is that we, I don't know where it happened in society.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_01: All of a sudden, it was demanded that we have dual income because the cost of living got so expensive.
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_01: Women were called to work starting the industrial revolution.
• 48:37
  SPEAKER_01: They started working in the factories.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_01: I think it was World War II.
• 48:40
  SPEAKER_01: And now all of a sudden it's like, but wait, there's nobody at home caring for these children, and women are the nurturers.
• 48:45
  SPEAKER_01: That's what we do.
• 48:47
  SPEAKER_01: So now we're asked to participate in income, and it's still on us to raise the kids.
• 48:56
  SPEAKER_01: There was no more demands coming from men.
• 48:59
  SPEAKER_01: They would just leave, go to work, come home.
• 49:01
  SPEAKER_01: But women was expect to do everything in those instances.
• 49:06
  SPEAKER_01: Prior to that, there was a village.
• 49:08
  SPEAKER_01: I actually um just interviewed Shalina from I think her Instagram account's called Rising Woman.
• 49:16
  SPEAKER_01: And she talked about, she shared a statistic, like back in the day, when there were the villages raising children, is that a mother would only breastfeed her own child about 35 to 40% of the time because there was somebody else feeding a baby.
• 49:29
  SPEAKER_01: Goes to show that women in a village were responsible for raising all kids, not just their own.
• 49:35
  SPEAKER_01: So if a mama got sick or needed time away, there was somebody there by default to take care of their kid.
• 49:41
  SPEAKER_01: We don't have that.
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_01: We live in these like gated communities, we live in these completely siloed lives that the thought of having you babysitter for two hours once a week to go on a date night or go do something for yourself seems so selfish to me, is absurd.
• 49:58
  SPEAKER_01: The women who claim like how happy they are and proud of themselves who have never gone on a date night with their husband nine years since their kids were born is not something to gloat about.
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_01: Because we've lost the idea that other people are also involved in raising our children.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_01: We do bring them to school.
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_01: As soon as they get on that school bus, it's the school bus driver's responsibility for those children.
• 50:20
  SPEAKER_01: As soon as they get to school, it's the principals, it's the teachers.
• 50:23
  SPEAKER_01: They go to their karate class, their soccer practice.
• 50:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's those people's, those coaches' responsibilities to raise our kids.
• 50:31
  SPEAKER_01: So it's not just one human being.
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I know this is ruffles some feathers.
• 50:37
  SPEAKER_01: I'm saying maybe it's for some people.
• 50:39
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe some women are just so passionately in love with just nurturing their own child and they don't want anybody else involved.
• 50:45
  SPEAKER_01: That's fine if you feel mentally okay about that decision.
• 50:50
  SPEAKER_01: But I think a lot of women still feel this complete sense of pressure to be the one that does it all.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_01: And listen, the woman that does it all is the one that gets sick.
• 51:02
  SPEAKER_01: She gets burnt out, she hates her life.
• 51:04
  SPEAKER_01: And this is coming back to like rich girl energy.
• 51:06
  SPEAKER_01: Rich girl energy is actually saying, I want to go to yoga once a week.
• 51:10
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want to do nighttime routine with my kids once a week.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_01: I want to get up at 8 a.m.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_01: on Saturdays and go for coffee with my girlfriend.
• 51:17
  SPEAKER_01: Don't ask for permission, just do it.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_01: Because guess what men do?
• 51:20
  SPEAKER_01: They do it anyway.
• 51:22
  SPEAKER_01: Men will say, hey, Saturday at 6 a.m.
• 51:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'm leaving tea off with the boys.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_01: And they'll just do it.
• 51:27
  SPEAKER_01: A woman's like, I want to go and do this thing, and now I have to get child care.
• 51:30
  SPEAKER_01: Like, BS.
• 51:32
  SPEAKER_01: That's not fair.
• 51:34
  SPEAKER_01: You expect the women to be happy and healthy, yet you take away all of the options for them to actually be with themselves or like do the things they desire.
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_01: Because the thing about motherhood is in our society, our culture is women are expected to be only and all about that if they become mothers.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_01: I remember I posted a story years ago about me, I think it was the boys were quite young.
• 52:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I was talking about something about how you know hard it was to balance motherhood and business.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_01: And one man commented, he said something like this Why did you even have kids if you don't want to be with them all the time?
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I wonder if this guy's married.
• 52:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like I feel like that's a written repeat comment because I've seen that comment in many comment sections.
• 52:20
  SPEAKER_01: But why did I decide to have well?
• 52:22
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just gonna paint the picture here, buddy.
• 52:24
  SPEAKER_01: I actually didn't want to have kids.
• 52:26
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't want to have kids.
• 52:28
  SPEAKER_01: And my husband convinced me, not out of pressure, I decided, you know what?
• 52:32
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, maybe the maternal clock was ticking.
• 52:34
  SPEAKER_01: Let's do this.
• 52:35
  SPEAKER_01: Why I didn't want to have kids, Rufus, for that exact reason.
• 52:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I even said the condition is that it's not on me.
• 52:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not gonna keep score about 50-50 parenting, but I'm gonna tell you I am not doing this all.
• 52:49
  SPEAKER_01: Doesn't have to be you, but it has to be, and we need help.
• 52:53
  SPEAKER_01: Because the first couple of years I did it all.
• 52:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, wait a second, I said I didn't want to do this.
• 52:59
  SPEAKER_01: Then we got a cleaning lady to come in once a week, and then she came twice a week, and then she was full-time, and then we got a house manager.
• 53:06
  SPEAKER_01: We've had one full-time for over six years now, game changer.
• 53:10
  SPEAKER_01: And for the people who say they can't afford it, I urge you to go back to listen to a podcast episode of mine with Jillian Harris, where we talked about this because a lot of her audience are people who can't afford house managers and it sounds pretentious.
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I don't want it to be pretentious, it's just a paid version of bringing back the village.
• 53:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 53:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think it's so important that, and I appreciate your honesty so much in sharing that that literally was the reason why you didn't think you wanted kids.
• 53:41
  SPEAKER_00: And think of, you know, if that's what's holding so many women back, because I can relate to that.
• 53:46
  SPEAKER_00: I also didn't know if I wanted to have kids.
• 53:48
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, it took me a long time to come to that decision.
• 53:51
  SPEAKER_00: And now it's absolutely my most fulfilling role and favorite thing.
• 53:56
  SPEAKER_00: However, I have found the way to make it work for me.
• 54:01
  SPEAKER_00: And if people knew that there were other options instead of being conditioned to think that this, you know, you can't have your ambitions and your dreams and be the mother that you want to be as well, then that holds so many people back from actually living that experience.
• 54:15
  SPEAKER_00: So I love that you how you share and paint that picture that there is another way and it actually can be accessible.
• 54:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I also am, I also can see how I'm sure it stretched your capacity so much, even though you said I do not recommend that route that you experienced.
• 54:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I'd love to talk about that because I know right now you are not only a mother and doing all the things, you are running a summit, you are building a massive community platform, you're writing a book in addition to everything you're doing with the business.
• 54:44
  SPEAKER_00: So how do you navigate your capacity stretch in that way and really decide and prioritize what deserves your energy and what needs to be cut or outsourced or whatever that trade-off looks like?
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it's it's really optimizing for the life I want to live.
• 55:05
  SPEAKER_01: So, my actually, my friend Josie brought this up not that long ago because I was contemplating whether on taking this one trip that I needed to visit family.
• 55:12
  SPEAKER_01: And she asked me this.
• 55:14
  SPEAKER_01: She goes, What would the version of you a year from now be proud of?
• 55:18
  SPEAKER_01: This that's that's simple.
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_01: It's that simple.
• 55:20
  SPEAKER_01: What would a version of you a year from now be proud of?
• 55:23
  SPEAKER_01: So when you think about all the things you want to do, want to launch a podcast, write the book, travel the world, blah, blah, blah, what would you be the most proud of?
• 55:31
  SPEAKER_01: Because if if it is writing a book and publishing a book, there's only one thing you have to focus on every single day, is write the book.
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_01: So when you think about all the other things that you maybe subscribe to do, all the kids' activities, maybe your own activities, all the things you can do, there's stuff that you do have to give up.
• 55:50
  SPEAKER_01: When you become so good at time management, you can do anything.
• 55:55
  SPEAKER_01: So if you're into AI, I'm building apps right now.
• 55:59
  SPEAKER_01: I have agents running because I have Claude Code building dashboards for me to make my processes and my team work better.
• 56:06
  SPEAKER_01: There's the idea of delegation.
• 56:07
  SPEAKER_01: If you have the resources to hire somebody, an assistant, somebody at home, somebody on your team.
• 56:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's it's interesting because I when I first found out like Leila and Alex Hermozi are expecting a baby.
• 56:20
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, oh, this will be interesting to see how they live their life because they're they're living a life that is so anti-parent, which in a way could end up making them the most present parents, too.
• 56:32
  SPEAKER_01: So I can't, I don't say I do it all.
• 56:35
  SPEAKER_01: I have many weeks that I'm so not motivated to go to the gym.
• 56:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like I don't want to do it.
• 56:40
  SPEAKER_01: I don't feel like it.
• 56:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I've been doing this forever to the point where I called up my best friend Kira.
• 56:44
  SPEAKER_01: I go, get to my gym three days a week, Tuesday, Thursdays at 6 a.m., Saturdays at 8 a.m.
• 56:51
  SPEAKER_01: You're my buddy.
• 56:52
  SPEAKER_01: Didn't cost me anything, but now I have accountability.
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_01: So I always say work towards something that has an end date, a due date.
• 56:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like if it's a book, if it's a competition, if it's a race, if it's a launch, because it will build up the momentum that, oh no, this is the date that it's gonna happen.
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_01: So I have to be done by this date.
• 57:10
  SPEAKER_01: The training, the writing.
• 57:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it's the best way to actually it's like the forcing function for you to actually do the thing.
• 57:17
  SPEAKER_01: When I was launching my podcast, I remember talking about it and all the ideas of what I'm gonna do and who I'm gonna have on.
• 57:23
  SPEAKER_01: And finally one day, my husband turned to me and he goes, What's the date?
• 57:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, How dare you tell me what what do you mean what date?
• 57:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I looked at the calendar and it was a month from now, it said April 27th.
• 57:36
  SPEAKER_01: And he goes, Okay, then I need you to stop talking about it and just do the work to launch the podcast.
• 57:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I did.
• 57:43
  SPEAKER_01: Because without setting that date, without the accountability, you just won't do anything.
• 57:50
  SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of people that talk big dreams, very few people that actually walk the truth and do the work.
• 57:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 57:58
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, speaking of the favorite self podcast, I love to tap in that energy of what would my favorite self do in this moment?
• 58:03
  SPEAKER_00: What would she prioritize?
• 58:05
  SPEAKER_00: But having that timeline is so important.
• 58:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I launched my book last year and I kept saying that because I'm a writer and editor at heart, I would have written and edited forever.
• 58:15
  SPEAKER_00: I would have just kept editing.
• 58:17
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think I ever would have stopped.
• 58:19
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why it was so important for me to have that timeline on it.
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so, such a powerful reminder to people to put the expiry date on your dream so that you know exactly what you're working towards.
• 58:30
  SPEAKER_01: Well, there's nothing like having an event.
• 58:33
  SPEAKER_01: So when I when I had my first summit last year, I was like, I knew I had to have it at the specific location.
• 58:40
  SPEAKER_01: And when I went through the walkthrough, I was like, what's the capacity of this place?
• 58:44
  SPEAKER_01: They're like 350 people.
• 58:45
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, that's how many tickets I'm gonna sell.
• 58:48
  SPEAKER_01: So naive.
• 58:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like I didn't know anything about big events.
• 58:50
  SPEAKER_01: I go, what dates you got available?
• 58:52
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, looking at ChatGBT.
• 58:54
  SPEAKER_01: The best day of the week to have this on is a Thursday.
• 58:55
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, okay, how about June 12th?
• 58:57
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, Yep, calendar's open, cool.
• 59:00
  SPEAKER_01: Signed the deal right then, committed.
• 59:03
  SPEAKER_01: Then I'm like, oh crap.
• 59:05
  SPEAKER_01: I have like a year to make this thing happen.
• 59:07
  SPEAKER_01: And we did.
• 59:08
  SPEAKER_01: We crushed it.
• 59:09
  SPEAKER_01: We sold out, we packed that place, and it was awesome.
• 59:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, let's talk about the pink skirt project because I really want to dive into that and celebrate, you know, the massive success of last year.
• 59:19
  SPEAKER_00: Last year was the first month, right?
• 59:21
  SPEAKER_00: And then the second one this year, which I know is gonna be even bigger and better in all the ways.
• 59:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's in a month.
• 59:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's like if you're a listener and you're planning your wedding, it's like that leading up to it.
• 59:32
  SPEAKER_01: The dress still has to fit, the flowers need to be ordered, like all this stuff.
• 59:35
  SPEAKER_01: And we're at that.
• 59:37
  SPEAKER_01: We actually, today is the due date for all of our print material assets to be sent to the printer.
• 59:44
  SPEAKER_01: Point of no return.
• 59:46
  SPEAKER_01: Ah.
• 59:47
  SPEAKER_01: But hey, you need to have those dates.
• 59:49
  SPEAKER_01: So doing this event is crazy.
• 59:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's so much fun.
• 59:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um it's also like one of the most nerve-wracking things.
• 59:56
  SPEAKER_01: But the the thing that I love the most about this versus PR is doing public relations, because I did it for so long, there was never an end date.
• 1:00:05
  SPEAKER_01: You're constantly just pitching, finding new angles.
• 1:00:08
  SPEAKER_01: And like that is tough when there's no like rest.
• 1:00:13
  SPEAKER_01: So with an event, it's like leading up to it, then the day of, a couple days after, then I can finally go and then start over again.
• 1:00:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:00:23
  SPEAKER_00: Can you describe just that experience of walking into this room?
• 1:00:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because I know this is a space that women can really finally show up as their full selves where no one else is flinching at their big dreams and ambition.
• 1:00:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it's so powerful to have those spaces to walk into.
• 1:00:40
  SPEAKER_00: So, can you share a little bit about that and just also the power of your own identity shift?
• 1:00:44
  SPEAKER_00: I think, you know, from both sides, the identity shifts that you see happen literally in the room, and then your own identity shift of going through hosting this massive event and coming out on the other side.
• 1:00:57
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so the room was crazy.
• 1:00:59
  SPEAKER_01: So I had last year the big name speakers were Jen Gottlieb, Lori Harder, my husband, Dan Martel.
• 1:01:05
  SPEAKER_01: And they even said it was the most engaged and engaging crowd they've ever sat in front of.
• 1:01:11
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not like these people hadn't been to an event before.
• 1:01:14
  SPEAKER_01: It's the energy that we brought into that room was all day long.
• 1:01:19
  SPEAKER_01: Check-in, there were speakers outside, people reading tarot cards, getting the coming and getting their name badges, and the music was playing.
• 1:01:25
  SPEAKER_01: And there was, there was always just a high vibe.
• 1:01:28
  SPEAKER_01: And when people left, they were just like vibrating with excitement.
• 1:01:32
  SPEAKER_01: There were people that showed up from all over the world, women that showed up alone and left with new best friends.
• 1:01:38
  SPEAKER_01: Just women instilling possibility into each other.
• 1:01:42
  SPEAKER_01: No competition, all like, what's your dream, Carly?
• 1:01:46
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, amazing.
• 1:01:46
  SPEAKER_01: Your book's coming out next year.
• 1:01:47
  SPEAKER_01: Let me know when it goes live and I'll share it in my community.
• 1:01:50
  SPEAKER_01: Like that kind of energy.
• 1:01:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I didn't know what it was going to be like until you actually did the thing.
• 1:01:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember my event manager, Jenny, I didn't poke my head out when people were starting to roll in.
• 1:02:03
  SPEAKER_01: I was in the green room, but some of the speakers getting ready.
• 1:02:05
  SPEAKER_01: And she poked her head in and she goes, Renee, have you seen the room?
• 1:02:10
  SPEAKER_01: I've not seen anything like this before.
• 1:02:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I go, What?
• 1:02:13
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, the energy is crazy.
• 1:02:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember just like opening the door and I looking outside.
• 1:02:18
  SPEAKER_01: No one can see me.
• 1:02:20
  SPEAKER_01: And it was a sea of pink skirts and women introducing themselves, hugging, high-fiving, like sitting next.
• 1:02:26
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, oh my gosh, I did it.
• 1:02:28
  SPEAKER_01: We did it.
• 1:02:29
  SPEAKER_01: This is crazy.
• 1:02:30
  SPEAKER_01: And the energy and the entertainment of that room was so good that Jen Gottlieb and Lori Hart are both texting me and they're like, we're coming back, right?
• 1:02:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, wait, the sponsors came back.
• 1:02:43
  SPEAKER_01: People, I already bought their tickets to come back.
• 1:02:46
  SPEAKER_01: So I knew it was on to something.
• 1:02:47
  SPEAKER_01: And this year's lineup of speakers, insane.
• 1:02:49
  SPEAKER_01: These are people whose books I read, courses I've studied, podcasts I've listened to, that I cannot believe are on the stage.
• 1:02:57
  SPEAKER_01: I cannot believe I'm bringing them to Kelowna, BC.
• 1:03:00
  SPEAKER_01: The transformation of the women in that room, Karen is always a great example of how she went there alone with the dream of starting her own coaching business for practitioners.
• 1:03:10
  SPEAKER_01: And she finally just did it.
• 1:03:12
  SPEAKER_01: She finally did it.
• 1:03:13
  SPEAKER_01: She's living her best life ever.
• 1:03:14
  SPEAKER_01: She's the most fit she's ever been.
• 1:03:16
  SPEAKER_01: She's loving her life.
• 1:03:18
  SPEAKER_01: There's women from like every socioeconomic class, every religion, every race that are in there feeling like, you know, a little insecure.
• 1:03:27
  SPEAKER_01: As soon as they walk through the door, they're like, wait, these are my people.
• 1:03:31
  SPEAKER_01: Because we're all in there together.
• 1:03:32
  SPEAKER_01: This the pink skirt represents like a cape.
• 1:03:35
  SPEAKER_01: It also represents the armor.
• 1:03:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like you go in there and it's it's you have your people.
• 1:03:40
  SPEAKER_01: They're gonna have your back.
• 1:03:41
  SPEAKER_01: That's why I created it.
• 1:03:43
  SPEAKER_01: Because it started with all the haters out there.
• 1:03:45
  SPEAKER_01: And now I realized, wait, I don't want the competition.
• 1:03:48
  SPEAKER_01: We can have competing businesses, but I don't want the competition.
• 1:03:53
  SPEAKER_01: Like, why can't we just all love what we do, celebrate what we do?
• 1:03:58
  SPEAKER_01: Now, for me to get to that point, I needed to go through a transformation.
• 1:04:03
  SPEAKER_01: And the moment for me that it happened was I was so afraid of being seen because I hated my nose.
• 1:04:09
  SPEAKER_01: I was so afraid of being seen because I'm six feet tall and I got made a fun of all the time for being super tall.
• 1:04:15
  SPEAKER_01: Turns out I have amazing legs.
• 1:04:18
  SPEAKER_01: So why not show those off?
• 1:04:21
  SPEAKER_01: And when I fixed the nose thing in my mind, the confidence came back that now I'm like, I can be on stage, I can be on camera, I can meet people in life, and I'm not gonna be insecure trying to hide it.
• 1:04:34
  SPEAKER_01: I always wear wear glasses because it would like to just be me.
• 1:04:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I can go swimming without makeup on, I can go hiking without makeup on.
• 1:04:43
  SPEAKER_01: The the growth that needed to happen was like go back to the to the pyramid stacking, like the confidence stacking pyramid at the bottom was convicted.
• 1:04:55
  SPEAKER_01: And then going through the trials, going through the conviction through deserving.
• 1:05:00
  SPEAKER_01: I would not have been able to transform and do that event had I not made the decision to get the nose job.
• 1:05:06
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 1:05:07
  SPEAKER_01: Coming back to the circle to this to the story.
• 1:05:10
  SPEAKER_01: Also, the confidence that I believe like I deserve it.
• 1:05:14
  SPEAKER_01: I remember two and a half years ago, I sat in a room in a mastermind that I was invited to.
• 1:05:20
  SPEAKER_01: Well, actually, my husband was invited to ask if I could go.
• 1:05:22
  SPEAKER_01: And they said, no, it's not an event for plus ones.
• 1:05:25
  SPEAKER_01: My husband said, Well, I'm only gonna go if she can come.
• 1:05:28
  SPEAKER_01: And now I felt like just like a charity case.
• 1:05:32
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm in that room.
• 1:05:33
  SPEAKER_01: There's 30 of us, and I'm sitting between Jenna Kutcher, Amy Porterfield, across from Cody Sanchez, Michael Hyatt, like the people in this space, shaking, sweating.
• 1:05:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, okay, I can understand why I wasn't invited.
• 1:05:49
  SPEAKER_01: So then I started to just doubt myself in all of those moments.
• 1:05:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I, and as we were going to leave at the end of the night, I remember just going through the green room saying bye to.
• 1:06:00
  SPEAKER_01: Everyone, nice to meet you, but thinking they'll probably not even remember who I am.
• 1:06:05
  SPEAKER_01: And Amy Porterfield ran out and she grabbed my hands and she's like, Renee, we're not here because of what you do.
• 1:06:12
  SPEAKER_01: You're here because of who you are.
• 1:06:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I in that moment I was like, wait a second, we can be celebrated for who we are, not just what we've accomplished.
• 1:06:23
  SPEAKER_01: That is a crazy concept.
• 1:06:26
  SPEAKER_01: So that's when I realized I'm gonna bring back the goofy self, Renee, the goofy version of me, the one that says yes to the stupidest things like the guerrilla marketing that we do for the event.
• 1:06:36
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna be loud and proud and seen, and I don't give a shit anymore.
• 1:06:40
  SPEAKER_01: But people are gonna say, because that's who I am.
• 1:06:43
  SPEAKER_01: And you will attract the right people and you will also repel the ones that are just not ready for you yet, or ever, and that's okay.
• 1:06:51
  SPEAKER_01: The transformation personally was what allowed me to create this movement that now other women have jumped on board and they're doing their own thing there, like pink skirt communities and cities all over the world.
• 1:07:06
  SPEAKER_01: They gather, they they meet up.
• 1:07:20
  SPEAKER_01: They create their little pods of like two or three or four people and they're meeting before they come to get a sense of like what people are expecting and what they're doing, and just to like to create community.
• 1:07:32
  SPEAKER_01: And it's fascinating when I look back and I have my pink skirt, the original pink skirt hanging as a reminder of what we're working on.
• 1:07:40
  SPEAKER_01: I reflect back on the moment of when I decided to do this thing.
• 1:07:44
  SPEAKER_01: Never would I have thought I'd be here.
• 1:07:47
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 1:07:47
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 1:07:48
  SPEAKER_00: Such a good feeling, such a powerful ripple effect.
• 1:07:52
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, it just makes me want to say, and still permission giving for whatever that is for you, whether it's the nose job or the investment in like a certain service, or finally redoing your website or rebranding or whatever that looks like for you.
• 1:08:05
  SPEAKER_00: Do the thing that's stopping you, that's getting in your way from stepping into your full true self and look at the doors that open and the ripple effect that's possible when you do.
• 1:08:15
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, Renee, you're just such a powerful expander.
• 1:08:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so, so grateful to have had you here and the way that you've shared your story and been such an expander for my audience as well.
• 1:08:26
  SPEAKER_00: And one question I always like to end on is really if you could share who is your favorite self in this season of life and business for you, and what would she tell that earlier version of yourself?
• 1:08:44
  SPEAKER_01: She is kind, patient, endearing.
• 1:08:47
  SPEAKER_01: She drives a Lambo with conviction.
• 1:08:50
  SPEAKER_01: She instills possibility into those who don't believe in themselves, and not without getting anything in return, but just in hoping that that creates a cascade or ripple effect in their community.
• 1:09:01
  SPEAKER_01: What was the second part of that question?
• 1:09:03
  SPEAKER_00: What would she share?
• 1:09:04
  SPEAKER_00: What message would she share with the earlier version of herself that maybe wasn't her favorite self yet?
• 1:09:09
  SPEAKER_01: Go do it.
• 1:09:11
  SPEAKER_01: Stop telling yourself you don't deserve it.
• 1:09:14
  SPEAKER_01: Stop stopping yourself.
• 1:09:16
  SPEAKER_01: Just go do the damn thing, big or small, because we only get this one short life to live.
• 1:09:21
  SPEAKER_01: And listen, the reality is no one's gonna remember you hundreds of years from now unless you've created something astronomically crazy in our lives.
• 1:09:31
  SPEAKER_01: Other people are gonna live in your house after you move on.
• 1:09:34
  SPEAKER_01: Other people are gonna, you know, maybe they'll read your books or not.
• 1:09:38
  SPEAKER_01: They won't refer to your books anymore.
• 1:09:40
  SPEAKER_01: When we understand that our life here on Earth is kind of fleeting.
• 1:09:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yet we strive so hard to be the name that everyone's gonna remember for thousands and thousands of years from now.
• 1:09:53
  SPEAKER_01: For what?
• 1:09:55
  SPEAKER_01: Why not make this life, this moment, the best it can possibly be?
• 1:10:00
  SPEAKER_01: People are gonna look to you and be like, wow, that moment's amazing.
• 1:10:03
  SPEAKER_01: Carly's doing great work.
• 1:10:05
  SPEAKER_01: And the the ripple effect in community sometimes is stuff you don't ever see.
• 1:10:13
  SPEAKER_01: Some people will comment, some people will say things like the thing you said changed my life.
• 1:10:16
  SPEAKER_01: That's great.
• 1:10:17
  SPEAKER_01: And like I always say people in my coaching call all the time, today go find one or two or five people to send a message to a text, a phone call, an email about something about them that you admire or something you did or said that changed your life.
• 1:10:30
  SPEAKER_01: Can we please start celebrating each other more?
• 1:10:32
  SPEAKER_01: Like, Carly, I'm honored to be here.
• 1:10:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like, so honored to be here to share this time with you and to hang out and to be in front of your audience.
• 1:10:41
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I know the work that goes into doing that and creating that.
• 1:10:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I respect it so much.
• 1:10:47
  SPEAKER_01: Even though you're just starting out, think about what's going to happen in a few months from now, in a year from now.
• 1:10:52
  SPEAKER_01: And like I get to be one that's on the show.
• 1:10:55
  SPEAKER_01: That's crazy to me.
• 1:10:56
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's absolutely crazy that I could be here doing this.
• 1:11:00
  SPEAKER_01: And it'd be no different if you were Mel Robbins or Oprah.
• 1:11:04
  SPEAKER_01: Because, you know, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter.
• 1:11:06
  SPEAKER_01: It just matters that you and I are here now having this conversation, hopefully changing lives some way or another.
• 1:11:13
  SPEAKER_01: And that's all that should matter.
• 1:11:15
  SPEAKER_01: So that version of me from like five years ago, I would be like, what are you waiting for?
• 1:11:22
  SPEAKER_00: Do it.
• 1:11:24
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my God, Renee.
• 1:11:25
  SPEAKER_00: I just appreciate you so much.
• 1:11:27
  SPEAKER_00: You're gracious, speaking of your gracious energy and spirit that you've shown up and shared with.
• 1:11:32
  SPEAKER_00: And everyone, go get your tickets to this Pink Skirt project.
• 1:11:36
  SPEAKER_00: I cannot wait to be in Kelowna and be with you.
• 1:11:38
  SPEAKER_00: I I'm making it happen.
• 1:11:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm so excited to yeah, hear all the stories that come out of this day.
• 1:11:44
  SPEAKER_00: But just let us know where do we get our tickets and what's the best way to connect with you.
• 1:11:47
  SPEAKER_00: And we'll put it in the show notes too, of course.
• 1:11:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they can go to thepinkskirtproject.com or message me on Instagram at Renee underscore Warren, the word summit, and we'll send you all the details.
• 1:12:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yay, amazing.
• 1:12:01
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Renee.
• 1:12:02
  SPEAKER_00: You're just absolutely fabulous.
• 1:12:04
  SPEAKER_00: I loved having you here.
• 1:12:05
  SPEAKER_00: And thank you, everyone, for listening.
• 1:12:06
  SPEAKER_00: We'll see you next week.
• 1:12:08
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to the Favorite Self podcast.
• 1:12:11
  SPEAKER_00: If this episode stirred something in you, there's a reason for it.
• 1:12:15
  SPEAKER_00: You could take a moment to share with a friend, someone who's also building something brave, that would mean so much to me.
• 1:12:21
  SPEAKER_00: Better yet, leave a review.
• 1:12:22
  SPEAKER_00: It helps this message reach even more women who are ready to lead differently.
• 1:12:27
  SPEAKER_00: And before you go, remember this your favorite self is already within you, waiting to be heard.
• 1:12:33
  SPEAKER_00: See you next time.