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Why 2 narcissists could never be together · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  Boo why don't 2 narcissists just date each other?
• 0:05
  Says narcissists love being narcissistic Why don't they just
• 0:09
  find another narcissist and just narcissize each other right as
• 0:13
  they diagnose narcissists. This is the question that I get
• 0:16
  all the time. Or some type of form of it.
• 0:18
  If narcissists like being toxic and love toxicity love chaos,
• 0:22
  why don't they just go find somebody that's just like them?
• 0:26
  Wouldn't it make sense? And honestly, it does make sense
• 0:28
  on the surface, but when you think about it, relationships
• 0:31
  with narcissists require a giver and a taker, right?
• 0:35
  Somebody has to give and somebody has to take.
• 0:39
  Typically the impact, the codependent, the survivor, the
• 0:42
  victim is the giver, and a narcissist is going to take,
• 0:45
  take, take. That's typically how it goes,
• 0:47
  right? So in a relationship, if two
• 0:50
  narcissists were to get together, then both of them
• 0:52
  would be takers. There would be no one there to
• 0:55
  give, if you understand what I'm saying.
• 0:57
  Now, I'm, I'm not saying that if two narcissists were to get
• 1:01
  together that no one would be a giver in the beginning.
• 1:04
  In the beginning, both could be givers, right?
• 1:07
  Both could be trying to love bomber.
• 1:09
  Both could be trying to be manipulative in the beginning,
• 1:11
  right? But sooner or later, the power
• 1:14
  dynamic has to go one way or the other.
• 1:17
  And who wants to keep our hair fighting for power, right?
• 1:20
  Am I right? Nobody wants to keep fighting
• 1:23
  for narcissistic supply. They're, they want you to give
• 1:26
  so they can take and get that narcissistic supply from you,
• 1:29
  right? So when a narcissist is getting
• 1:32
  supply from you, what they're basically doing, what we're
• 1:35
  basically doing is filling our tank, right?
• 1:38
  We're trying to fill up this, this empty tank.
• 1:40
  It's kind of like trying to fill up the gas tank, gas tank, gas
• 1:43
  tank, right? So if both people are takers,
• 1:46
  there is nothing to get fooled off of.
• 1:49
  There's nothing that you can't get your fill right.
• 1:52
  The tank is damn near empty. It's barely full.
• 1:55
  Like we both want the spotlight. We both want the praise, we both
• 2:01
  want the validation, we both want the adulation, we both want
• 2:04
  the power. It's like if neither one of us
• 2:08
  is willing to play the supporting role, then both of us
• 2:12
  are going to just drown together pretty much, right?
• 2:16
  It's like people. It's like, imagine like this.
• 2:18
  Close your eyes. Listen to the image real quick.
• 2:21
  It's like 2 people trying to drink from the same cup with one
• 2:26
  straw. You see what I'm saying?
• 2:29
  I want some. You want some?
• 2:31
  I want some. You want some.
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  And guess what? In this situation, the glass is
• 2:37
  empty. So we're both fighting over one
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  straw from this empty ass glass. What we What we.
• 2:44
  Yeah. What we supposed to do with
• 2:45
  this? What we supposed to do with
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  this? Huh, How we how we supposed to
• 2:50
  get full other than narcissistic supplied, there's nothing to
• 2:53
  give. There's nothing to give and then
• 2:56
  when you get 2 toxic ass people in a relationship together,
• 3:00
  they're going to like y'all. Y'all know narcissists love to
• 3:02
  mirror each other right? Or not mirror each other.
• 3:05
  Narcissists love to mirror you. So if it's two of us together,
• 3:09
  you and I, if you and I are together and we're both
• 3:13
  narcissists and we're mirroring each other, what the heck, Like,
• 3:16
  yeah, yeah, I don't want somebody doing the same thing to
• 3:20
  me that I have done to somebody else or I don't want someone
• 3:25
  else using my favorite tactics on me.
• 3:28
  I don't want to be gas lit. Why would I want to be gas lit?
• 3:32
  They say a whole time. Oh, no, a whole time.
• 3:36
  That's crazy, though. Hated, but that's what happens.
• 3:39
  Like 2 nurses are going to struggle together.
• 3:41
  And I know when people, when y'all hear this video, y'all
• 3:43
  hear me saying that y'all be like Lee.
• 3:45
  That's perfect. Because if they're both
• 3:48
  torturing each other, that means that people are surviving.
• 3:53
  That means that people are getting away.
• 3:55
  That means that there's a story to be somebody else's story can
• 3:58
  be told and sold, right. And I understand that as well.
• 4:02
  I trust me. I yeah, I, I, I 100% get it.
• 4:04
  I 100% understand. That's why I don't like, I
• 4:08
  personally, as someone diagnosed with MPD, I personally wouldn't
• 4:12
  want to be with another narcissist, right?
• 4:16
  Working on themselves or not. You know what I'm saying?
• 4:18
  I just, I just think that a lot of narcissists are going to
• 4:22
  revert back to the mean. And what I mean by that, what I
• 4:25
  mean by going back to reverting to the mean is they're going to
• 4:28
  go back to who they actually are sooner or later, right?
• 4:31
  Especially if they're not continuing to put the work in.
• 4:34
  They have to put the work in. So as a diagnosed narcissist, I
• 4:38
  damn sure don't want an like I don't want an unaware
• 4:43
  narcissist, but I would very hesitate.
• 4:45
  I would very hesitantly take an aware one, right?
• 4:48
  Because that doesn't how does that balance me out?
• 4:51
  How does that help me in this situation?
• 4:53
  Right? So that's why they're saying
• 4:54
  like narcissists are going to mirror each other.
• 4:57
  And I know y'all saying like, well, they deserve to get a
• 4:59
  taste of their own medicine. I would love to see that happen,
• 5:02
  right? And I get why so many people say
• 5:06
  that. I get why so many people say
• 5:08
  that. But guess what?
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  Just because two people get together that are narcissists
• 5:12
  doesn't mean that they will be the only people that get hurt.
• 5:16
  They're not just going to be hurting each other because they
• 5:18
  don't realize that they're that they're both narcissists.
• 5:21
  So what they're going to do is start doing things to each
• 5:24
  other, right? And guess what happens?
• 5:26
  They get together, they have children, they have family, they
• 5:29
  have friends, right? And that means they will be
• 5:32
  there. There inevitably will be
• 5:34
  collateral damage in these relationship dynamics, right?
• 5:38
  Because somebody's going to get it.
• 5:39
  If you and I are both narcissists, if we're doing
• 5:42
  horrible things to each other, that means they're.
• 5:45
  If we both blowing each other up or both self sabotaging, both
• 5:48
  blowing our lives up because we're marrying each other.
• 5:50
  Remember if we're both blowing our lives up, then guess what,
• 5:55
  there's going to be collateral damage.
• 5:57
  If I throw a grenade and it blows up, I cannot control where
• 5:59
  it blows up. The kids are going to get hurt,
• 6:02
  the parents are going to get hurt, the friends, the family,
• 6:04
  the coworkers, whoever it is is going to get hurt.
• 6:07
  So when I say narcissists together, I don't just mean
• 6:10
  intimate relationships. I also mean friendships.
• 6:12
  I also mean working together. Y'all seen two narcissists
• 6:14
  together in the workplace struggling for control,
• 6:17
  struggling for power, struggling for dominance, struggling for
• 6:20
  new supply, right? They like two narcissists get
• 6:26
  together and both of them are well adept at gaslighting.
• 6:31
  They can't gaslight each other like I can't gaslight someone
• 6:36
  who knows the game like you are a player.
• 6:40
  I see the man behind the curtain.
• 6:42
  I can't gas someone, I can't gaslight you, and I can't charm
• 6:45
  someone who is busy trying to charm me.
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  We charming each other. Damn is it I charm you, you
• 6:52
  charm me. We're just charming together.
• 6:55
  Trying to make a Barney song but it came out horrible.
• 6:57
  Y'all? I'm not going to edit that.
• 6:59
  Y'all know I love that edit this about.
• 7:01
  But yeah, it's annoying. It's not attractive to go after
• 7:05
  someone just like me. And I know it makes sense to
• 7:08
  y'all because that means if two narcissists together, that means
• 7:11
  that there's less to go around. But like I said, other people
• 7:15
  are still going to get hurt because again, there is a power
• 7:19
  struggle like every damn argument becomes a war of
• 7:24
  attrition of sorts, right? Neither one of us will back down
• 7:29
  like anything about like this. Neither one of us will
• 7:31
  apologize. Neither one of us will be held
• 7:34
  accountable. Neither one of us is willing to
• 7:36
  break the silent treatments or we give if I'm silent treatment.
• 7:40
  If I'm giving you the silent treatment and you giving it
• 7:42
  right back to me, then we just like we just doing this right
• 7:45
  here. And who's winning that
• 7:55
  situation? Nobody.
• 7:57
  If you're giving me the silent treatment and I'm doing it back
• 7:59
  to you, we're never talking. We that damn, we'll never talk
• 8:02
  again. And I'll be fine with that,
• 8:04
  right? And you might be fine with it as
• 8:05
  well. Because my ego says I can't be
• 8:08
  the first one to crack because if I crack, then I lose.
• 8:11
  It's a game, right? I'm not going to apologize.
• 8:14
  I'm not going to end this silent treatment.
• 8:16
  Why would I do that? I'm not going to admit that I
• 8:20
  was wrong because though neither one of us will admit that we are
• 8:22
  wrong, it it really is. When 2 narcissists get together,
• 8:26
  it really is a 24/7 power struggle that exhaust both of
• 8:32
  us. Both parties will be exhausted
• 8:34
  regardless of the relationship dynamic.
• 8:36
  Both parties will be exhausted because we're fine.
• 8:38
  We're fighting for power, right? We're fighting for domination.
• 8:42
  We're fighting for control and narcissism apply.
• 8:45
  We like in essence, narcissists need someone who provides peace.
• 8:51
  Who is y'all hear this word submissive?
• 8:54
  Not one, not somebody who is a challenge and whatnot, right?
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  So y'all know my own personal story.
• 8:59
  I've dealt with a narcissistic woman before, right?
• 9:01
  I've had I have, I've had narcissistic best friends.
• 9:04
  It's a rough dynamic. It's a rough time having a
• 9:07
  friend that is a narcissist is always trying to one up you and
• 9:10
  you're trying to one up them. Like y'all are friends but y'all
• 9:13
  really don't like each other. I've had a narcissistic woman
• 9:16
  that I dated. We both were charming each
• 9:18
  other. We both were love bombing each
• 9:19
  other. I didn't realize it in the
• 9:21
  moment 'cause I was young. But now that I look back on that
• 9:23
  relationship and I talked about talked about it in therapy, yes,
• 9:26
  we were both absolutely doing things to each other that we
• 9:29
  should not have been doing. It was crazy. 2 narcissists.
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  I don't think 2 narcissists coexist well together at all.
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  Nobody wins, nobody survived. Like it's a horrible, it really
• 9:41
  is a horrible, horrible situation that tends to happen
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  and nobody, literally nobody benefits from the end in the end
• 9:48
  of this game right here. So that's why it's like
• 9:50
  narcissists don't date each other.
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  Narcissists are not going to go with each other.
• 9:53
  Who who would that benefit right there?
• 9:55
  It benefit, I think. I know, I know people say it
• 9:57
  benefits the people who are not having to deal with them, but
• 10:00
  they if two narcissists get together, are they not going to
• 10:03
  be cheating on each other? Are they not going to be lying
• 10:07
  to each other? Are they not going to be
• 10:08
  gaslighted and trying to manipulate each other?
• 10:11
  I know me and my ex, we're both doing we both doing dirt and
• 10:14
  we're both, we're both doing dirt and we would get angry at
• 10:17
  the other person for catching them like that.
• 10:19
  You cheating on me? You talking to somebody else?
• 10:22
  I'm I'm doing the same thing. It's crazy.
• 10:25
  It is really I've done a video about my whole relationship with
• 10:29
  her. It's somewhere my, my, I did a
• 10:32
  video. I got to find it.
• 10:33
  But yeah, we were both doing dirt and we both were hated.
• 10:38
  We both hated catching the other person also doing dirt.
• 10:41
  We're both 2 dirty people. Dirt, dirt, dirt.
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  We were not clean. We're both 2 dirty people that
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  should not have been together. We were just doing damage to
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  each other. We were just harming each other
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  emotionally, mentally, all kinds of stuff.
• 10:53
  Not physically, but we're just harming each other.
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  And I hope she's doing well. Honestly, I hope she's, I'll be
• 10:57
  rooting for her. I hope she's doing well because
• 10:59
  you know I don't hold grudges anymore because I've been
• 11:04
  working to myself. 2 narcissists together, both hold grudges,
• 11:07
  both would. Neither will ever forget the
• 11:09
  other one. Anyway, y'all make sure you hit
• 11:12
  that subscribe button if you haven't.
• 11:13
  You made it this far and you in New York City, in the Manhattan
• 11:16
  area on June the 2nd. I'm coming your way for a live
• 11:19
  in person question and answer session.
• 11:21
  It's not a workshop. It's literally live in person.
• 11:24
  I got a mic, there'll be mics in the audience.
• 11:26
  You get to ask all the questions that are on your mind and you
• 11:29
  get to be around other survivors that are going through the exact
• 11:32
  same thing you are. You have to explain yourself.
• 11:34
  Hey, look, I'm dealing with a narcissist.
• 11:35
  Boom. So New York City Mental
• 11:38
  illness.net/events, Go ahead and get registered up.
• 11:42
  I'll see you there June the 2nd. Peace.