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Your Identity Determines Your Actions · The Missing Secret Podcast

• 0:00
  Kelly Hatfield: Welcome to the missing secret Podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield, the refreshed Kelly Hatfield,
• 0:07
  John Mitchell: And I'm John Mitchell, the unrefreshed. John Mitchell, so Kelly just got back from vacation for a short vacation. So where'd you go
• 0:18
  Kelly Hatfield: To British Columbia, to Vancouver and to Victoria. So, yeah,
• 0:23
  John Mitchell: and that a great area.
• 0:25
  Kelly Hatfield: Is absolutely beautiful. You know, I'm spoiled because I live close to the border, you know. Anyway, it's a hop, skip and a jump. We love Whistler and, you know, so, so, yeah, it was just fun to get away for a long weekend and go explore.
• 0:37
  John Mitchell: Did you go to the Bouchard gardens?
• 0:40
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, and the Stanley Park and yeah,
• 0:42
  John Mitchell: That that is phenomenal in your bank. Oh, yeah, just unbelievable, yeah. Well, okay, so our, our topic today was really inspired by you. The topic is your identity determines your actions. And I was listening to our podcast last week, and you you touched on this idea that your identity shapes your actions, and your actions determine your success in life. But would you jump into that a little deeper about how your identity impacts your actions?
• 1:18
  Kelly Hatfield: Absolutely, and I think you know, I'll use something that maybe everybody can, you know, relate to in some way, shape or form, and that would be health. So let's just use health as an example. And wanting to either be well, more healthy, more active, lose weight, whatever, the thing is, that's really your health. I think we can all relate to, you know, having a conscious thought about, oh, you know, I really need to whatever fill in the blank, you know, and you have the best intentions, you know, for that window of time before, you know, it goes away because that you're again operating on your you know, unconscious thoughts, not you Know, your conscious mind is making that thought process around, I want to change this behavior. You know, as we've talked about multiple times, where the identity comes in, you know, is if part of your identity is, I am an athlete, or I am, you know, athletic and fitness minded, or I am, whatever that's related to health, your decisions will start to align with how you identify So, and I do that in business too, where I am, like I am, you know, a successful business person, you know, netting seven figures a year. And then my behavior then will align with that. And I have, within my visualization here, I've got information, or, you know, a couple of sentences. That is when I feel stuck. The question I ask myself is, what would So, for example, I really connect with Sarah Blakely, who's the founder of Spanx. I think she's amazing. I will say, What would Sarah Blakely do? She's, you know, a mogul, woman in business. What would she be doing right now? I guarantee you she wouldn't be sifting through her emails. You know what I needed like so when you can begin to start to craft what that identity is that, you know, and I think it's okay to be aspirational about it and grow, you know, and growing into that, but that's when I think about identity. So when I think about myself as an athlete, I'm making
• 3:37
  better choices when I get in front of the fridge, yeah, you know, because I identify as an athlete, right? Does that make sense?
• 3:47
  John Mitchell: Absolutely. And I think about about it in terms of identity, and I see that that with me, I am really clear that my foundational belief is that life is precious. So that's that everything radiates from that and and one of the things I affirm in my live GPS template is that I'm on top of my health. And because I'm on top of my health, and I see myself as being my identity is being on top of my health, then it's impacting my eating and my exercising. Yeah, I'm articulating that I'm working out six days a week and exactly when I'm doing it. And I'm also articulating that I allow myself to cheat meat and two cheat meals a week. Well, yes, I'm feeding that to myself, and that just the repetition of that largely causes me to do that, but it's foundationally based on my identity of being on top of my health, and it's causing me to do it. That identity is. Driving me to do it. And I see that the other sort of foundational thing with me, and of course, it's sort of related to having the idea that your life is precious, is I'm all about playing the game of life at my full potential and doing my best and and defining what that is. So I'm clear in my identity what doing my best was, because I remember in my my 40s, certainly I was focused on doing my best, but I was so clueless about what that was that it didn't impact my my success. And then once I my 50s, I had to find the six components to do my best. You know, what a difference? And you know, one of the things that you said that that is is powerful, and it reminds me. So I had a conversation this morning with a podcast host that I'd be on her podcast. And delightful lady, she told me this morning, she says, I want to do your methodology. And we haven't even done the podcast. We just met and talked maybe for 45 minutes, but she's been in the corporate world for a number of years, and she's like, 53 I asked her, because I knew her well enough, I said, so when you were in in the corporate
• 6:27
  world, and she just got out of it 18 months ago, what was what were you making? And she's told me, she says I was working for Cisco. I was making 1,000,006 a year. And I'm like, wow, that is great. And I was telling her, I said, Do you realize how significant that is? You may not realize it, because sometimes we'd lose perspective, but I thought about it when you mentioned your situation, 1/5 of 1% of people make over a million dollars a year. Let me just repeat that 1/5 of 1% and so it's very rarefied air and and one of the things that amazes me in life is that some people have figured out a better way of doing life that the other 99.2% of people have not figured out and just do what they're doing. I mean that that doesn't necessarily mean you're gonna make over a million dollars a year, but come on, you can, you can extrapolate the logic of this and but it was fun to with her to make her realize it, because she would tell me that one of the challenges with and now that she's starting her coaching corporate coaching business is getting clients. I'm like Tracy right there. Tell him you made 1,000,006
• 8:00
  You got to say it humbly and in the proper way. But man, who else could say that? So I don't know, it was just interesting. But the other thing I sort of wanted to talk about today is something I've been thinking about is I see that there's three different levels of think it be it, and this is for for our audience that that really wants to go deep, and I see that the the first level is just creating success where, and I'm talking about success in your career, in your romantic relationship, and in your health, and where you're just Controlling your daily actions. Sure you're feeding yourself every day. Here's the right actions, here's the right identity. After 21 days, then those right actions happen, and those improved daily actions create success in each year of your life. Easy, breezy. All good. Then there's another level, and that, that second level is, it's impacting your identity. You're you're either changing it or refining it, and it's truly a spiritual experience. Did you agree with that? Do you what do you think about that? Yeah, I,
• 9:18
  Kelly Hatfield: I know I've said this before, but what surprised me about this, and what I hadn't expected, was who I became and who I'm becoming as a result of this methodology. So absolutely, it shapes and informs and continues like because you keep breaking through to the next you know, version of yourself the net, right? Why optimate? You know what I mean. And so, yeah, absolutely, I agree 100% with that statement
• 9:48
  John Mitchell: Well. And one of the things that amazes me is how easy the subconscious mind is to manipulate. Because, again, the subconscious. Mind is the obedient servant to the conscious mind, and so whatever the conscious mind says to the subconscious mind, it does, and the subconscious mind doesn't have the benefit of logic to go, whoa, wait a minute. I don't know about doing that. No, it's a more primitive part of the brain that doesn't possess the aspect of logic, the ability of logic, but that's why it makes it so simple to manipulate it and and I've seen that you can tell the subconscious mind a lie that if you keep on telling it, it believes it, and it reacts accordingly, because, again, it's not evaluating. Is that true? Is it not true? And I was thinking the other day, like in terms of it being a spiritual experience, you know, I see that it affects Love of self. It affects healing past wounds. It affects your confidence level. It makes life more enjoyable and and creates more happiness, because it puts life in perspective, and it gives you that, that sense of control over your life. And again, the mind thrives on order. So when you're feeding the succinct articulation of your desired life, of course, you feel this level of control over your life. And the other thing that I see is you can change the consciousness level at which you operate. And what I'm referring to is in this book that I'm getting you to read, letting go. Have you started it yet?
• 11:46
  Kelly Hatfield: I'm not started it yet. I have it my cube. I'm but I promise I will.
• 11:51
  John Mitchell: Don't make me fly to Seattle. Don't make me do that. I won't. But the book talks about how there are 16 levels, 16 levels of consciousness. And as an example, most people are operating from the level of fear or anger or pride. Where you want to be operating is from a level of of love. And in this book, he writes each level on a scale of one to 1000 and like fear is down around 200 love, obviously, is at the other end of the spectrum, but it's fascinating, and I so this has been a tremendously impactful book for me. And so I've put this letting go concept, and this, this operating at a consciousness level of love, into my template, and like that, I was able to manipulate my subconscious mind to make me be that. And so the point of that is just how simple it is with this methodology to impact the subconscious mind, which, again, is controlling your daily actions, but it's also shaping your identity.
• 13:22
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, I absolutely love that. And I there's a couple of things I want to piggyback off of what you just said. And the first is, I want everybody to hear what you just said, because this is the disconnect. Because behind between, I think, where we've got a growth mindset, you know, where, you know, there's many people who are listening to this that are seekers. You know, this methodology helps you plug in. It helps you. What's the word that I'm looking for? Everything that you're learning you can now bring to life. And instead of it just being something you listen to, something you read. I've read a million books. I know everybody here that's listening, has read a bunch of books, thought the concepts were great. Thought, Oh, I'm going to do something about this. I'm going to start doing this. And then what happens within a very short window of time that's gone with this methodology, this concept that you're learning and letting go and integrating that into the methodology in your life? GPS, now you can now bring these principles, concepts, those tactics, all these things to life through this methodology, which is that's the disconnect you like we've talked about before, all of the strategies, all of the information is out there. We've got more today than ever. It is being able to then plug this into your life, GPS, and then begin to take action and bring these things into, you know, your your world. And that's the power of this. It's where I can't stress that enough, because I think that is what so many self help people, and the piece they're missing, what they're taking. Teaching is great. It's getting people to actually do it for any consistent period of time where it actually begins to make the happy effect on the individual, right,
• 15:09
  John Mitchell: Right? You know, it's interesting. I was talking to our mutual friend Rob, yeah, in this interview today, and we were sort of after the interview. We were talking, they, I, they've, he's written a great book with the founder of Eos entrepreneurs operating system, which was wildly which is widely used throughout the world. And so they, they have a book called The 10 disciplines. And so we're talking about it, and I'm asking him how successful they are with it, with it, and he's being candid about it. And I was telling him, I said, you know, a couple of years ago, I'd be people, what's wrong with you? I mean, they could be it is so, so clear, so simple. He says, John, it's clear to you, but it's not clear to them. And I'm like, I hear what you're saying, but I don't know that I agree with it, because, I mean, it's two plus two equals four. I mean, your daily actions determine your success. If 95% of them are unconscious, hey, you just got to gain control of those unconscious daily actions and influence the subconscious mind. How much simpler can it be? You either get that or you don't get it. And so I don't really agree that it's simple to me and complex to other people. What would be your take on that?
• 16:43
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, we've talked about this before, and I think the 1000 times, 1000 times. And I think the where, the only thing that I could see, because you're brilliant at taking the complex and breaking it down to being simple, I think where the one place would be in taking what you just said and re making a real life, like relating it to somebody's life, like breaking it down to simpler terms and like, get, like, give, I don't know that would be the only thing, because you've got to really follow what it is you're saying. You know, it's simple what you're saying, but you've got to stop and really listen and think about what it is you're saying, and then it's like, oh, yeah, duh, you know? So I don't
• 17:26
  John Mitchell: You know that's a good point. That is a good point. I want now. I now think that it's purely how driven are they, if they're if they're, most people, more success is, is merely a preference. And so if, if you're talking to the 98% work more successes is a preference, then they're not going to do it. But, but I did. But the other thing I see, and this is sort of, I think what you're telling me, is it in this world, and I attribute this to social media, we're engaged, but we're in this flip through not fully engaged world. And so when I roll out what I just rolled out, you got to listen to it. Yeah, and, and maybe, maybe that's the point for me. When I say it, I go, now get this. I'm going to make this I'm going to say it twice, your daily actions determine your success in life. Again, your daily actions determine your success in life. Now, 95% of your daily actions are unconscious. Yeah, let me say that again, 95% of your daily actions are unconscious. So connect those dots. You got to get control of your daily actions, those unconscious daily actions, and you do that by by influencing your subconscious mind through repetition of the succinct articulation of your life. Now, if it takes any more effort than that, my attitude is, this is not for you. If you can't get that, please turn off this podcast.
• 19:15
  Kelly Hatfield: I think that one of the things that could help so when you say that like, I'm I'm receiving that, right? You know, I the first part, which is your daily actions determine your success in life. I would stop there, and I would say, so what actions have you taken today? Yeah, that's a good point. Walk me through what you've done today that's contributing to your success in any way, like, what are your goals and what do you do today to to move toward those goals? Right? I bet you 90 plus percent of people will say like they won't even that'll be a difficult question for them to ask.
• 19:57
  John Mitchell: So again, don't understand daily actions. Essentially. Yeah, no, I buy that.
• 20:01
  Kelly Hatfield: So, like, what is it that you're doing? Walk me through your morning. Okay, you got up. You were late, you were frantic. You had a cup of coffee, coffee, you know, you raced out the door with a like, okay, so you just told me one of the things right there that you know, that is it contributing to your success in any way, shape or form you know, like your actions, your habits, your thing. So I think that helping people understand, you know it, and putting in within the frame of their own life, because that is what people connect to. And where you see lights start to come on is when they're like, Oh, I didn't do anything today to go toward my success. You know what I mean?
• 20:43
  John Mitchell: You know that's that is a great point. I mean, I, I, I know what I mean when I say daily actions, but they may not know. And I find that that this comparison, in fact, I got to give the Jen credit for this, because she brought it up. But you take the person, the average person that is is living their life, and they get up and they're not doing think it be it again. They're they're wired for survival. So they're fear based and reactive. Their eyes open up, they get going, they roll into the office, and a lot of stuff is hitting them. They're reactive. They're just dealing with what's coming at them. And again, they're fear based and reactive, and they're doing the best they can, and they're doing a lot of the stuff they need to do, but maybe not all of it, but lot of stress. Then you take the person that is doing this 12 minute day technique, they read their life, GPS template, and they roll into work, and they're like, Okay, I'm focused only on what moves the needle. I know exactly what it is. I'm focused on it. All distractions fall by the wayside and oh yes, there are four or five key behaviors that I've got to do to make this thing go and I know exactly what they are. I know when I'm going to do them. I'm affirming what they are. So of course, I'm going to do them. And then when they roll on, they see their lovely wife or husband, and they know how they want to be with their wife or husband, because they're affirming how to be loving and how to be flexible, patient and thoughtful. And then on their health they're clear about here's my health regimen, here's when I'm exercising, here's what I'm doing, here's how I'm controlling my eating. And it's like night and day. What's going on with a person that is influencing their daily actions using this methodology versus a person that's just winging life. Do you think that helps in terms of understanding the actions?
• 23:07
  Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, I think so. Where you literally can create a version contrast, exactly, contrast. That's exactly the word I was looking for between those two. I think that that is like, powerful, where it's like, yeah, I want that one please. You
• 23:22
  John Mitchell: Right? Yeah, yeah. I think, well, this is, yeah, I feel like this is a therapy session for me. One final thing that I'd like to bring up, though, around the topic of today is, as I've said before, one of the things that has struck me in teaching my class of 20 year olds at the University of Texas is how every one of them has that feeling of not enough, not good enough. And of course, I told them a couple of things. First, I said, Look at this, everybody, everybody feels that way. So if you feel that way, you're not alone. So that's good. The other thing is, here's why it's coming where, here's where it's coming from. You're you're wired for survival. You're wired to be fear based. You're wired to be reactive. And so think about it. Of course, you feel like you're not enough. You're not good enough. And this is going on with 50 year olds, just like it is 20 year olds. But I got them when they're 20, and I tell them, here's how we're going to recreate your identity, literally recreate you, and with our conscious mind and using the live GPS template, and you're going to answer the 50 questions on the AI algorithm, and and you're going to figure out the ideal you, and then you're going to feed that to yourself every day. And after 21 days, that ideal you is who you're going to become, as reflected you. In your thoughts and actions. And that's one of the cool things I think about this again. The point of this, this particular podcast, is you can recreate your identity, because the identity that exists today is a confluence of things that probably you like and you don't like. They're all largely it's, it's not stuff that that that you intentionally created in yourself. It was, it was just part of it was how you were raised, which you didn't have any control over that. And it's some bad things that happened. You didn't have any control over that, necessarily, but it impacted who you are today and how you feel about yourself. What about if we go,
• 25:51
  Hey, let's just wipe the slate clean and start with a fresh piece of paper, whether you're 20 or 50, and recreate you just the ideal. You everything you want, that you want to be with that attitude, that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to you'll recreate you and then feed it to yourself, and that's how, that's who you become. And so I don't know that's why it's so fun to teach this, I guess? Oh,
• 26:22
  Kelly Hatfield: Totally, yeah, absolutely. And there's one other thing I want to mention real quick as we wrap up. So there were three things you said, three levels of think of creating success in your key areas, right? Controlling, you know, the your actions. And then you move into the next level, which is where it's impacting your identity, right? The third level, which is the spirituality side of things, you said
• 26:45
  John Mitchell: I sort of, I sort of said, the the spirituality and, you know, impacting your identity, were more or less the same, okay, the third one is the ripple effect, which I know you totally relate to, yeah, because I see so often clients of ours, once they learn it, they want their friends to learn it, they would certainly want their kids to learn it, and and so it has that ripple effect.
• 27:12
  Kelly Hatfield: I What and I what I love, and I that's where I was going, kind of with this, because I knew there was the third piece that was missing off that list. And here's what I didn't expect, and it makes sense. Now, on the other side of it, I get so both on the I think the identity slash spirituality, and then the ripple effect. I didn't expect that this was going to impact my relationships to the level that it does, because you're showing up, if your identity is, you know, in my you know, where I always do what's right. I show up for people. You know, I am. I always do what I say. I'm going to do like I make an effort to make people feel special and seen when I meet with them. Right? What was going to happen as a result of what has happened, as a result of showing up that way in life, with the quality of my relationships, and then how that ripples like your the energy that you're putting out continues to move, whether they adopt this, you know, as part of their lifestyle, or not just the fact that you're putting out the kind of energy you are. And in my case, where one of the things that I'm focused on is making people feel seen and heard, and what that does for them, their confidence, how they feel about themselves, those kinds of things like you can that is the such a cool thing that I wasn't expecting, is that the quality of my relationships, and also, too, what I will not have in my life. Yeah, you're right. What I demand of you know for myself, you know in the relationships and the people that I have in my life, and so the quality of my life and relationships has exponentially changed as a result of this, because of my identity and like, so listening to you kind of go through the three stages and that ripple effect, I, you know, I wanted to give that as an example, because it was an unexpected gift that I had no idea. Well, I really was using this initially, as, you know, I make up my business to the next level, and I know I need to show
• 29:18
  up a little differently, and I gotta and so going into it with that mindset versus what has happened as a result of of implementing this into my life. And so I wanted to share that as an example of those three stages, because that is real,
• 29:36
  John Mitchell: Right? You know, that's a great point, because when I created it. Of course, I was 50, and it was all about the money. Really well i i say that it was, it was, I knew I had to find a partner in life and because that was going to be more important than money. So I take that back. It was not all about the. Money, but it was a large part of it was the money, and I didn't fully understand that I it would impact the other parts of my life. I was very driven to get create that nest egg, so I didn't have to work, because I was concerned at 50 that I what am I going to be working until I'm 80. I mean, totally. I mean, really, yeah, and, and so that was what my focus was. But now, many years later, I see that the the greatest benefit to me is truly the spiritual part of it, the identity and refining who I am and my happiness with my life and what, what? How can I help other people and operate from a consciousness of love that's pure spiritual, yeah, and I see continually ways to to tweak how I am. It's such a, I don't know, at this stage in life, a great place to be, so I guess the lesson for the audience is that, especially as you're coming into it, you may be like Kelly and I were at first, which is all about making the money, and that's fine. There's not a problem at all with that. But it will surprise you how dramatically it impacts your health and your romantic relationship and and really your relationship with yourself, because that relationship with yourself is your most important relationship and life. It boy. It is an inside job. It is an inside job, so this is a way to take control of that inside job. Okay, until next time. We'll see you.