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Rabbi Moshe Haber Orchot Saddiqim: Your Brain on Top 7.14.26 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  Exactly so in the introduction of Cassius the book is a host of
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  the Kim, but the key is not the name the way it's of the king
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  and the keys on the on refining character and maintaining
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  balance in all matters. We'll see about this right here
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  in the power government page 16. He's like this first of all,
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  person needs to know as we're developing these concepts and
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  the need of analysis on character traits.
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  Every media present has good or bad officially, I'm a wise man,
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  someone who has knowledge, who knows how to adapt Yahola Sotara
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  OTLA to what can turn bad character Jason to good ones.
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  Now sealing the opposite of fool can turn good character Jason to
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  bad ones. As we mentioned yesterday, if a
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  If a fool is a very nice guy, we know you can use your niceness
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  in a destructive manner. If a a wise man has a tough side
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  to him, they can use that tough side for good.
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  We all know that. But the key is character is
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  officially guided by the heart. But really, as we'll see, it's
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  guided by the mind as seen the following way, right?
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  Think about a character. What's what's your character?
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  You're you're inclined based on your heart, based on your
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  emotions, you're inclined to be solved.
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  You're inclined to be tough. You're inclined to be nice
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  client to be mean. He's how your feelings guide
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  you. But the truth is you need to
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  have your mind on top of that. That'll help you always go the
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  right way. Because even if we have a a
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  physical makeup, every one of us has a certain physical makeup.
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  This is based on our DNA physically, and that makeup
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  inclines us to have certain character traits.
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  It's not our mind first, it's our heartburst.
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  But if you put your mind on top of that, you'll be able to
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  always guide it and steer it in the right direction.
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  So he gives you the following point.
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  He says if someone lives life in the dark, lives life in the dark
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  means they never put their mind on top of their character
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  traits. Me, Charlotte.
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  But Hosher, Venomid Bonin, he's not thinking all the time.
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  It's the corner, middle it. He's not all the time thinking
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  about bettering himself. If Shard, it's possible that he
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  has one weakness, one floor that makes him lose out on all the
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  good that he has. Which means if Shard Shi tiebo
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  mida khat amid Abed, he's a guy. He's living life the right way.
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  He's doing anything great. He's developing himself.
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  He's good in one area. His area of year is Torah.
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  He knows a lot of Torah, yet that person has one floor.
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  Now you'd say one floor is not so bad.
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  We all have one floor. But this one floor specifically
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  for him drains all of his goodness and all of his
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  development and all that he built in his life.
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  And the example that he gives this paragraph is if a person is
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  a Torah person and he's a balgava, he's mid fired.
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  We know there's a concept called Mishaamesh.
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  If someone uses the Torah crown for the sake of honor, that's a
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  terrible trait. He's starting to ha was a boy as
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  a terrible trait because he's using all that he has officially
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  that we developed as a goodness and a greatness and made himself
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  better and better and he's using all for himself.
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  That's terrible. Similarly, the person is great
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  in a lot of areas, but he's mid fired.
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  He's arrogant and he therefore puts other people down and he
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  therefore admonishes other people and he hurts other people
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  and he, you know, turns on them and he hurts them.
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  According to this concept, this guy's got 1 flaw.
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  It's one floor, not a lot of floors, one floor, but it's a
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  big one. And that big one can ruin
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  everything that he built. So you say it's a shame.
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  Is there weeds? There's no balance to this.
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  That's the point. That's a good point.
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  The way he gives the example in this paragraph is it's like
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  someone amassing a lot of wine in a barrel and there's a hole
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  in that barrel and all spills out.
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  And as it is, wine is the goodness.
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  Wine is a development. Wine is that greatness that he
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  brought into himself, whatever it may be.
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  He's sadaqa, he's Torah, he's service of Hashem, he's involved
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  in He said you name it. Yet that person has this one
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  character flaw that's so strong and so effective that it drains
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  everything and you say it's not fair, it's not balanced.
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  The whole ideal is booked to be balanced.
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  This is not a balanced reality. The answer is it is balanced
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  because when this person has this flaw, everything about his
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  makeup is weak. Which means take let's say for
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  example, this person's a hesed person, but he's an arrogant
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  person, right? He's a hesed person who's always
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  talking about himself. Every time someone comes to this
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  house, he tells them what he does.
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  He tells them how great he is. And he uses this not just as a
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  way of him just being, you know, loud and bravado.
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  He actually uses this as a galva against other people to put
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  other people down. Now, in your mind, I know you're
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  thinking about certain people who are a big deal, who do a lot
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  of hasa but also talk about themselves.
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  They're not perfect example because they need to be a person
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  who's really about gava. That means they need to be a
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  person who puts other people down through their own, you
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  know, success and greatness in the community affairs, right?
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  You don't have that example in your mind.
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  You have all the kinds of examples of people who sound
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  arrogant. That's all I'm talking about.
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  I'm talking about people who put other people down.
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  It's a big difference. Now, why is it fair?
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  Why is it fair for this guy to be deemed A flawed person and to
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  be deemed worthless on all the good that he did?
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  Because he's arrogant. How's that fair?
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  Just the way you play it out is that really it is a balance
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  point. Why is it balance?
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  And it's fair because when this person displays that arrogance,
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  what he's showing you is it all that he built was for a
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  different purpose exactly was for his own self.
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  It wasn't really playing into an overall greater good.
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  So it's not seem like it looks like it's an unfair picture.
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  The guy did so much good. He's got one floor and no one
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  ever helped him fix that floor and Aziz, it all went away.
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  That's not what it is. What it is is that person never
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  allowed himself to personally develop at all.
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  He never worked on himself, even a drop and all that he did that
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  was officially good was all doing it for other reasons, for
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  ulterior motives and not for the greater good.
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  So that's why it's deemed a hole in his barrel.
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  That's why it's deemed something that can lose all his greatness,
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  his character traits by having this flow.
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  What's the goal of this purpose? What's the goal of this
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  paragraph? The goal is that somebody
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  realizes you need to think about your character.
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  How much time do we give to our character?
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  How much time does a person give?
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  And many people give no time at all and never stop and say let
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  me check and see how arrogant I am.
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  Let me check and see where's my anger going, right?
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  No one does, even. If they do, they don't want to
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  face the. Reality, right?
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  No one thinks that they're arrogant.
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  No one thinks that they are, that they have an issue when it
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  comes to anger. Nobody thinks they have an issue
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  when it comes to, you know, being busy with themselves or
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  putting other people down or talking negatively about others,
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  all these different traits and the problem what that is and
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  then you can have literally such a person from this paragraph,
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  but. You can't self help yourself.
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  No, that's why you need this book.
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  That's why you need this kind of book, which we'll see, not
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  literally the book. Or more importantly, you need
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  someone out there. The.
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  Acknowledgement The acknowledgement this is self
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  help. You have self-awareness.
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  It's it's doable, but that's a very difficult trait.
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  There, yeah, then. You're.
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  That means if you all the time reflect.
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  If you're reflect the first. But the problem is if you you
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  want to reflect on your own, you need humility.
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  You want to reflect without using yourself.
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  You need either friends, family or books like these.
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  You need to surround yourself with a world.
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  That's the overall theme. Surround yourself with a world
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  of reflection, which means a willingness to be wrong, being
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  OK, I need to better myself. Have a great day.
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  The truth is, is that if you don't do this, you're fooling
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  yourself because any one of the things that they're complete at
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  30 years old, 40 years old, 50 years old.
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  And now I ask you the question, so why are we alive?
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  We're not alive just to do for other people.
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  That's not what we're alive. We're alive to develop and
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  developing mainly isn't character traits.
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  They, by the way, so you think, if it's in character traits, how
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  come we never speak about it? How come we only speak about
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  Sarah and Yanim like mitzvot and Tuara and Tavila?
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  Why don't we speak about character traits?
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  If it's the main thing, you'll see that there's a blend that
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  goes hand in hand, a blend of the great people.
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  And what happens is when you are a reflective person working on
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  yourself and saying to yourself, I want to better myself.
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  Then what happens, what happens over time is, is that your
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  overall Judaism becomes stronger.
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  Your Torah, your service of Hashem, your hesitant general
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  becomes stronger when you focus on this idea of reflections.
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  He's done you in this on this paragraph.
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  Beware. A person might be great in 99
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  percentage percent of the things that they do and float on one
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  and that'll tip the scale the other way.
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  And he's saying that's not fair, but he's telling you.
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  I'll tell you why, because all that 99% is worthless being that
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  it's all being used to build my ego, to make me feel like I'm a
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  better person, to make me arrogant, to put all the people
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  down. I remember years ago there was a
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  guy who other people thought of him as a great guy.
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  People thought of him as the greatest guy, even his rabbis
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  many years ago. I'm not, you know, even his
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  rabbis, The problem in fact, and he was sadly, he was a terrible
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  father and terrible husband. And the children went to the
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  rabbis and they said this, this they actually went to the I
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  said, can you talk to our father?
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  There's a real problem case. He talked to our father.
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  The issue was the rabbis couldn't even see it.
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  He put on such a good show that his rabbis and all the people
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  who knew him could not see this guy's flawed.
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  He was actually a wise man. He was a learning man and he was
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  a problem. Eventually.
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  Now the family has happened to fell apart.
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  But I remember at the time and it was always stuck on my mind,
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  like, how is this picture possible?
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  How is it possible that this guy can be who he is?
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  His he's a fake guy, He's a fake person.
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  And people have the power to create that fakeness guy.
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  So the the the one flaw that you're talking about that can,
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  you know, take away everything, all the other, you know, good
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  isn't really one. It's not one.
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  It's not, it's really connected to no, everything 100% to the to
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  the foundation. Everything else is really
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  everything else is just fake and, you know, summative.
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  And the one thing is not one thing.
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  It's really connected. To it's not one, it's actually
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  old. It's actually 100% once,
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  literally at that point. Because if this person's got a
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  reflection of a lack of character in a real way, and
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  he's officially very good, something's off.
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  Something's off. If he is a person who's
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  officially, you know, a hazard guy, he's a bad father.
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  There's something wrong there, right?
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  Doesn't make sense because play, play it out.
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  And he's a hazard person. That means he cares about other
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  people. If he cares about other people
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  that don't you think it makes sense for him to care about his
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  children? And if he doesn't, that means
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  really, what is he? He's a pride person.
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  He's an arrogant person and he likes the feeling that he gets
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  when people tell him you're great and his children don't
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  tell him you're great every day, so he doesn't feel good about
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  that, which means even. If the.
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  Is the people like? Doing the work and not not the
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  money people. Even if he's a real full-fledged
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  has a guy, he's still misguided. You will find that there are
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  people out. Like.
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  You find people out there, you see us all the time, misguided
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  people, they're just so off. That's literally this point.
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  But it's the key point is your point, right?
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  Which is, and that's the point is, is when a person is not is
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  having a strong flaw in one area, it's probably an
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  indication of the fact that his entire makeup is off.
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  It's a window, right? It's a window into the to the
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  problems that you really have. Though, right?
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  So his whole makeup is different and therefore this person has to
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  say, I need to reflect. And that's what.
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  There's nobody that's 100% either.
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  No, you know what I mean? He's saying he's, you know, go
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  for me, 100. Percent, you know.
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  Good. Oh, David, Exactly.
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  You're right, that's what the point.
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  Is 100%. That's what is to the lowest.
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  No, 1000%, but that's what the point is.
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  The floor should not be that the guy is officially a great guy
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  and also a super arrogant guy. That type of flow, which is
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  reflection of his entire character as an indication that
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  is 99% is not 99%, No. So you're, you're, you're.
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  Pinpointing specific flaws. Yeah, but let's say they give me
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  another example. Let's say the guy is a good guy
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  overall. He happens to have a loose
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  mouth. He has a loose mouth.
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  It is not he doesn't watch what he says.
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  You know, he's so careful how he talks.
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  I would not say that that's this example that's not 99 and one,
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  that's not an example of that. This one flaw reflects
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  everything about his life. He happens to not yet worked on
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  controlling his tongue. That's something that gets me.
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  So there's weight, so there's so.
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  There's another It's every all all of these character flaws,
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  all of these issues are not. There are some that are just
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  weightier than others and and some are or foundational
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  problems that some are not. Yeah, the.
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  Ones that reflect that his overall makeup is off, those are
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  real problems and that presents he always goes back to he always
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  goes to he chooses arrogance and anger is usually the top two.
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  He always hand in hand the top two of the ones that overall now
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  we know people have anger problems and it doesn't really
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  reflect the whole existence as well.
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  So it's not really a perfect example either.
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  But there are ones. The main one is arrogance.
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  A1 that why is arrogance the main one?
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  His arrogance is an indication that everything that he did
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  that's good was being used to feed.
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  It wasn't being used to develop to feed himself, feed him to
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  feed an image, to feed a world, to feed a perspective.
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  And it's completely opposite of what he's doing because if you
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  take the things that he's doing, the has said, the tada, the
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  prayer, the involvement of the people's lives, all that, all
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  goodness. And if you do that the right
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  way, there'll be less arrogance, more humility, less thinking
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  about yourself, more dedication to the people.
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  That's how it's supposed to be. And if it's going the wrong way
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  because you've seen the guy get more and more of a bloated ego
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  where you find the ideas, everything that he's doing is
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  actually, it's like food going down the wrong pipe.
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  It's all going the wrong way, right?
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  And he's getting more and more arrogant the more good that he
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  does. Officially, he's obviously doing
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  it the wrong way. That's why that's an example, a
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  perfect example of 1 flaw that reflects a major issuance
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  person's makeup. What's the need to know this?
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  The need to know this is so the person realizes reflection of my
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  character needs to be steady, needs to be constant.
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  And I really need, as we'll see the next paragraph, I need to
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  involve myself and surround myself by people who help me
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  reflect. That means you need to have a
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  rabbi who helps you reflect. You need to have, if it's your
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  spouse, your wife helps me reflect.
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  Now, sometimes it's a joke cause your wife, you know, tells you
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  all your flaws. We know that.
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  But the truth of the matter is it's a reality.
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  It's one of the greatest things that we have is a wife because a
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  wife helps us and comes to your character.
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  Your wife helps you see things that you would never otherwise
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  see, sometimes a little too much and sometimes, you know, they
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  could be off. But technically speaking, and
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  I'm but I'm joking and serious at the same time.
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  They can be, you know, overdoing in certain areas and it could be
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  only the ones that matter to them.
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  That's true. But overall they make you see
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  things that you never see by yourself.
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  There are guys who say to themselves, I'm a nice guy out
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  there. I'm a nice guy and I come home
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  and my wife calls me Mr. Nice Guy in a sarcastic way.
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  There's a thing out there what's up shot if shot is reality is
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  he's a somewhat nice guy. He's a nice guy when it comes to
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  socially, but he's not really a nice guy or not yet there when
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  it comes to thinking and being thoughtful in it for a way.
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  A nice guy is actually someone who actually cares what all the
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  people around him was thinking of them, who's coming up, coming
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  up, other ways to make them happy.
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  He's on top of their situation. He knows what's on their
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  schedule, right? I mean, you'll have someone who
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  knows his friend's birthday, but he might forget his his child's
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  birthday. He says he's off correct
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  everyone. And that's a reality that might
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  exist very much might exist. The guy knows his friend's
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  birthday. He doesn't know his child's.
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  Why 'cause his friend's birthday helps him in his social
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  standing. His child's birthday doesn't
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  really make a difference. And that's, and that's a real
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  reality, but it's there. And that is why you need to have
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  people around you and help you look at yourself.
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  He'd have a perspective that makes you grow.
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  I'll see you right here on my team and Balaam.
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  There are only a few people out there in the world.
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  A few as in a handful. It means that the minority of
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  people in this world are those who recognize the truth, which
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  means a minority of people in the world are actually working
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  on their character. That's a slim, slim minority.
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  Yes, Shambo, Some people are just not smart enough to know
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  what's good and what's bad. The average person, you tell
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  them this class, you tell them these concepts, they say you're
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  overdoing it. You're overdoing humility,
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  you're overdoing the issue of arrogance.
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  You're overdoing the problem with anger.
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  You're overdoing the problem. I don't think so.
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  I think people always, you know. The opposite, yeah.
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  Things are the things. You don't need a balance.
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  But most people don't think about that.
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  People do. People do accept that as a
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  reality if necessary. Most people don't want to think
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  about for sins. OK, so you don't want to think
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  about, but they all know that it's a reality.
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  That's probably why divorce today is so high because when a
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  woman falls out a man on something like you telling me
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  like I make a zillion dollars a year and everyone.
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  It happens to be a very humbling experience.
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  It's a very humbling experience. And when you come home for
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  something great and you why pinpoint something small and
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  you're like, it doesn't feel like it's weird.
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  It's even to my lifetime living. We've all dealt with that.
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  It is a humbling experience, but the truth is it's a gift, right?
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  Yes, some people are not smart enough to know that they should
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  work on their character, he says.
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  That person is like a person who doesn't have the ability to
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  legs. He ought to climb the ladder of
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  life. If a person does not have the
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  knowledge and the understanding of the need for development, he
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  will not climb. The ladder of life will stay the
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  same his whole life because he's too simple minded.
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  Some people are smart enough. Some people do know when it's
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  Bob, but he's too. He's too immersed in his
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  temptations, which means, let's say a guy knows everybody knows
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  that arrogance is bad, but he likes the feeling of getting
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  credit. He likes the feeling of being a
• 18:53
  big deal. He just can't get past it.
• 18:56
  So even though he knows, it's something that I once saw on the
• 18:59
  book, something called the humble break.
• 19:01
  I favorite thing is a humble break.
• 19:02
  Why humble break? What's a humble break?
• 19:06
  Can you imagine Humble break? Someone who tries to tell
• 19:09
  people, right. You know, I didn't do this
• 19:12
  because I didn't want to. I don't want to be so flesh.
• 19:14
  OK, well, you just told everyone why you don't want to be so
• 19:17
  flashy. That is a flashy move, right?
• 19:19
  Telling people that you deserve credit.
• 19:20
  And that person is a person who knows right from wrong.
• 19:24
  He knows what it means to be a good person.
• 19:27
  You just can't get himself there.
• 19:29
  It's just too hard. It's too difficult for this
• 19:31
  person. All right.
• 19:33
  Does everyone know that the the flaws were shot on?
• 19:36
  Everyone knows the problem with speaking I'll about another
• 19:39
  person. Do we know it?
• 19:40
  Do we know that it causes strife?
• 19:42
  Who knows it causes problems? Who knows it's negative.
• 19:45
  You know that. No.
• 19:46
  But we still do it. So why do we still do that?
• 19:49
  And there's the guys. That's a classic example.
• 19:51
  We're Hakam. We know good and well that
• 19:53
  talking negatively. We all know good and well that
• 19:56
  if you walk into a room and and you disparage a person, it
• 19:59
  hurts. You know that?
• 20:00
  Of course we know that. Yeah.
• 20:02
  Why does it happen? It happens because it happened
• 20:05
  because of an emotion, the emotion of life, the TA of a
• 20:09
  whatever we're in. Why does someone speak
• 20:11
  negatively? Normally?
• 20:13
  It's because something is bothering you.
• 20:15
  Sometimes on your chest, you have to get it off.
• 20:17
  That is a temptation that's stronger than your mind.
• 20:21
  What that is is your heart and your emotion stronger than your
• 20:25
  mind. So you still need more than just
• 20:27
  knowledge of the right characters, right?
• 20:29
  You also need to get to the level of control.
• 20:31
  So that's the ultimate goal. The ultimate goal is to realize
• 20:35
  we did today so far. Number one, they can be a person
• 20:38
  who's doing a lot of good, but he has one flaw, again, an
• 20:40
  overwhelming flaw that drains everything.
• 20:44
  Therefore, you need to have the awareness.
• 20:46
  So a person to have that knowledge of the words right
• 20:50
  from wrong and still be flawed. And why is he flawed?
• 20:52
  Because he has an emotion. And therefore you need to put
• 20:56
  yourself in a position. That's the key point.
• 20:58
  Put yourself in a position in a lifestyle and a group of
• 21:01
  friends, in a marriage, in a situation where you open to
• 21:06
  awareness. If you can never hear an insult,
• 21:09
  if you can never hear, excuse me, you can never hear a comment
• 21:12
  that you're doing something wrong and you're a difficult
• 21:14
  situation and no one can ever tell you you're flaw, then
• 21:18
  you're prone to being the same guy for life.
• 21:21
  I don't like be honest with you. I do not like being criticized.
• 21:25
  It's not my thing. I don't need compliments.
• 21:28
  I don't like being criticized. It bothers me.
• 21:30
  It definitely bothers me if it's a long term criticism.
• 21:32
  My my least favorite criticism is I'll tell you my you want to
• 21:36
  hear it. My least favorite criticism is
• 21:39
  if someone tells me you've been doing this for the last X amount
• 21:43
  of years, why is that my least very criticism?
• 21:46
  Because I can't undo it. It's 10 years now.
• 21:49
  I can't change it. You told me for the last week
• 21:52
  you've been to this or to that, and you've been to Mia, right?
• 21:56
  I get that all the time. I'm sorry, I get that all the
• 21:58
  time. But now you make.
• 21:59
  A conscious effort and to say, OK, I'm not going to be like
• 22:02
  that. But it's hurtful.
• 22:04
  It's hard to it's. Not a hurtful, I mean the guy it
• 22:06
  depends who's saying it to. You, I understand.
• 22:09
  No, you're right. But the truth is, all these
• 22:11
  types of criticisms are good, and you're able to handle it
• 22:14
  because you have the awareness. Right, if you have to be able
• 22:16
  to. Handle you have to be able to
• 22:17
  handle you have to or it could anger you more.
• 22:19
  And then you know you're 99% is going down to.
• 22:22
  You know, right? So you need to put yourself in a
• 22:24
  position and you're aware. You're able to be steadily
• 22:28
  aware, constantly growing. And the more you're able to be
• 22:32
  aware, the more you're OK being told that there's more to go
• 22:36
  because let's be honest, every one of us has a lot more to go.
• 22:39
  And that's a great thing. It's not a bad thing, but I hope
• 22:41
  so. You want to have more to go the
• 22:43
  same way you like having, you know, we all like, you know,
• 22:46
  today's July 13th. We like July 13th because it
• 22:49
  still means he's still have 2/3 of the summer left.
• 22:51
  You don't like August 25th because it means you have a few
• 22:54
  days left, right? You like having more to go.
• 22:56
  You'd like the idea that there's more to go in life.
• 22:59
  You love that and more to go in life means there's more to go in
• 23:02
  character. That's the definition of more to
• 23:03
  go in life. There's more that I can become.
• 23:06
  I don't want to see myself in the mirror at 90 years old,
• 23:09
  Michella, I look the same as now.
• 23:11
  I would not be happy. All right?
• 23:13
  None of us should be happy like that.
• 23:14
  There's more to go, but if there's more to go, you need to
• 23:17
  have a pathway to that more. And the number one pathway to
• 23:21
  that more is having the awareness around you.
• 23:25
  If the only way you have the awareness around it is if the
• 23:28
  people in your life, the books that you learn, the rabbis that
• 23:31
  you're around, the your wife, your children, your parents,
• 23:35
  your friends, whatever may be, are OK to tell you at times that
• 23:40
  you should do things differently.
• 23:41
  Not bashing you, not destroying you, not making you unable to
• 23:45
  move on. Instead empowering you, building
• 23:48
  you by giving you the tools to understand.
• 23:51
  And there's more to go. That awareness is a beautiful
• 23:54
  gift. There's nothing better than
• 23:56
  being able to grow and to have the knowledge and the
• 24:00
  surroundings that help you grow. And there's nothing worse and
• 24:03
  being stuck in the mud and being told you're great and feeling
• 24:07
  like you're set. And then all you're doing is
• 24:09
  compiling and compiling, compiling the negative character
• 24:13
  treats. Because unless a person has that
• 24:14
  awareness, they will not have the ability to channel
• 24:18
  themselves and pull themselves and move themselves down the
• 24:21
  middle. You need to move yourself.
• 24:22
  You need to constantly be your brain on top of your own brain,
• 24:25
  and the only way that's doable if you have that awareness,
• 24:28
  that's the overall theme. Is it difficult?
• 24:30
  It's not really that difficult. Once you have the awareness,
• 24:32
  it's not so difficult because it's not difficult to change.
• 24:36
  It's difficult to change. It's not difficult to utilize
• 24:39
  the awareness as a steady force of keeping you as a growing
• 24:42
  person. To change means you're looking
• 24:45
  at yourself and saying it's got to switch.
• 24:46
  You can't switch. I can never stop talking the way
• 24:49
  I talk. I can never stop thinking the
• 24:51
  way I think, but I could. I'm not based on my own
• 24:54
  reflection of myself saying to myself, that's not good and
• 24:58
  that's not good. I don't want to do it.
• 25:00
  And then slowly but surely you get disgusted by those character
• 25:04
  traits, you get turned off and you slowly move to a whole new
• 25:07
  middle. That's a healthy middle.
• 25:08
  Stop with this suck about.