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Unexpected Benefits of Sobriety: The Small Wins That Actually Keep You Sober · Recovering Out Loud

0:00
When you're newly sober, everyone tells you all the
0:03
things you're giving up. The lifestyle, the fun, the
0:06
friends, the weekends out, the freedom, whatever lie they come
0:11
up with or tell us that we really think that we had.
0:14
Nobody tells you about the weird stuff that you get back when you
0:17
get sober, like the smell of your own apartment when nothing
0:20
is in it rotting or the clean house that you live in.
0:24
Like remembering the end of a movie, like the fact that nobody
0:28
flinches anymore when you walk in the room.
0:30
People aren't walking on egg shells.
0:32
So this episode I want to talk about all the surprise wins that
0:36
you get when you get sober. The the things that you don't
0:39
really think about, the surprises that sobriety has
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given you. The things that maybe you should
0:44
stop and take a second and say, wow, I can't believe I got that
0:46
back. You might not even notice.
0:48
And I'm going to go through them all today.
0:50
Hey guys, my name is Anthony. I'm an alcoholic and an addict.
0:52
I am in recovery, been in recovery since 2015.
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I started this podcast last year to stay sober and to hopefully
0:59
help one other alcoholic or addict or someone who's sick and
1:02
suffering. I had 7 1/2 years of continuous
1:05
sobriety and recovery and I relapsed on steroids and secrets
1:08
and ADHD medication. Today I'm almost a year and a
1:11
half sober again, and I'm bringing the recovery content to
1:14
you for free. And I'm grateful for every
1:16
single one of you. So let's get into it.
1:19
Early recovery messaging is almost entirely loss coded.
1:23
What you can't do, what you can't have, what you have to
1:26
give up. A lot of negatives.
1:29
When I was first getting sober, every list I read was a list of
1:32
Nos. I needed a list of yeses and
1:35
nobody was giving me any. So today I'm going to give you
1:38
that list. Why the small gifts matter more
1:41
than the big ones. The dramatic transformations.
1:44
Career back, family back. You get money back, time back.
1:49
Those are real, but they're slow and they're not what keeps you
1:53
sober at 11:00 PM on a Tuesday. Because let's be honest, those
1:57
are the things that don't have real depth and weight.
2:00
The material things that will never make us happy.
2:02
The outside things that we use to try to change our insides
2:06
that won't bring us that contented peace and happiness in
2:10
recovery. What keeps you sober is the
2:12
small, weird stuff. The stuff you didn't even
2:14
notice. The accumulating proof.
2:16
I didn't stay sober because my life turned into a movie.
2:19
I stayed sober because I started tasting steak again.
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I started enjoying sunsets again with my wife.
2:25
I started enjoying beach days and the sun and walks.
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The things that I had forgotten about in music.
2:31
Even today's episode is the Yes list.
2:34
The unexpected, small, specific, sometimes weird gifts that
2:38
nobody puts in their inspirational reels.
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So today I'm not going to give you the obvious ones because you
2:43
already know those. Your life gets better, Your
2:45
liver gets better. I'm going to give you the ones
2:48
that snuck up on me, the ones that you might not be aware of,
2:50
that you need to celebrate. We all need to celebrate.
2:53
So in all honesty, not every gift shows up on schedule.
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The research is clear that physical recovery is mostly
3:00
predictable. Sleep starts restoring at 7 to
3:03
10 days. Skin improves by two weeks.
3:06
Cognitive function measurably by better by 18 days, even in
3:10
severe cases. So you start to the brain fog
3:12
starts to lift. I remember in my first recovery,
3:16
sorry, my third rehab, I'd gone in there and I had detox at
3:19
home. I didn't do a detox with them.
3:22
I was falling asleep every two minutes.
3:24
I couldn't even stay awake because I was detoxing off
3:26
stimulants and benzos and my anxiety was through the roof.
3:29
I was so tired. I just wanted to eat all the
3:31
time and sleep. That's it.
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So for the first two weeks, I remember I couldn't even put a
3:35
sentence together. I couldn't even talk.
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I couldn't. I was a shell of a human being.
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I couldn't get my thoughts into words and I didn't even want to.
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I was so exhausted and just sick and tired of being sick and
3:46
tired. Emotional and reward system
3:49
recovery is slower Post acute withdrawal symptom syndrome,
3:52
which is stands for PAWS. PAWS.
3:55
I talk about this a lot. It can run through months two to
3:58
three with mood swings, emotional blunting and and
4:01
Hadina and Houdinia. That's not failure.
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And Houdini I I believe that's not feeling anything.
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The just being depressed or not even depressed, just being flat.
4:12
That's not failure. That's the brain rebuilding.
4:15
Some gifts don't show up at all. This is the honest truth and and
4:19
uncomfortable truth in recovery is that some damage is
4:22
permanent. You may not get those families
4:25
back. You might not get your health
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back to to where it was. When I went into my second
4:29
rehab, I had fatty liver and I was put on this liver program
4:34
while I was in there, thank God, and it restored my liver after
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three weeks, I believe. But it was scary.
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It was scary to have. That was my first real palpable
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health concern. In my third rehab, I had to go
4:48
to the hospital because my heart, I felt like I was having
4:51
a heart attack. One of the days I was sitting in
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class and it felt like someone was sitting on my chest for an
4:56
hour and a half straight. I couldn't focus, I couldn't
4:58
concentrate. I was, I think I was having a
5:01
panic attack. But what happened was I got
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picked up in the ambulance. They ran all the tests and I sat
5:06
in the hospital for 3-4 hours, however long it took, you know,
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the Canadian hospital systems, not the best, but I'm grateful
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at the end of the day because the Healthcare is all provided
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and I was taken care of. My lungs and my heart were
5:19
surprisingly in good shape and if I go back out today, if I
5:24
relapse, I don't know if that's going to stay the same.
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I there's some real health concerns that happen when you
5:29
use stimulants and benzos together.
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Your heart is going up, your heart is going down.
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So I don't want to test that out today.
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I'm grateful that I have the health that I have today.
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It's not perfect, but it's a lot better than it was.
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Some gifts you have to actively go and get a lot of people, a
5:46
lot of what's promised and sober content is passive.
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Your body heals itself. That's true for some things,
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skin, sleep, liver, and it's false for others.
5:55
Joy, meaning, identity, connection.
5:57
I always say this when you get sober, you're not magically just
5:59
going to get happy all the time. You might be on that pink cloud,
6:02
but it it ends. You need to find meaning.
6:04
And I go into this into great detail in the episode about
6:07
finding meaning. Nobody handed me a sense of
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purpose at 90 days sober. I had to build 1.
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I started the podcast, I started counselling, I went back to
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school. The body recovered without me,
6:19
the life didn't. We have to go and get those
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things, those passions. I have to find what I like in
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recovery and I have to find out who I am and then I have to love
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that true self. But I have to go and get it.
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I have to try things, be a beginner at things and I might
6:34
hate some of them, but I might like some of them.
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I have to. It's it's process of trial and
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error. We are trying new things, seeing
6:41
if we like them. If we don't, we move on.
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OK, so caveats are done. Here's the actual list.
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The surprises that I didn't see coming and that my friends,
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family, recovery peers keep telling me they didn't.
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They didn't either. They're not front and center.
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It's might be subconscious. So first number one, real sleep
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versus passed out sleep. The first time you wake up
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without an alarm and actually feel rested.
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I remember there were so many times where I used to just wake
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up at, I don't know, 11-12 in the afternoon and I would still
7:13
feel tired. I would be up all night partying
7:15
and taking my ADHD medication abusing cocaine.
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The next day would be a write off.
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I'd wake up some days at 4:00 in the afternoon and I'd wake up in
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hotel rooms with the blinds shut and the blackout blinds on and
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it would be 5-6 O clock in the in the evening and the whole day
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was gone. But I had been up till 6:00 AM
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the night before those Uber rides, riding home from the club
7:40
or from someone's apartment at 6:00 in the morning.
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Don't miss that worst feeling ever when you're just sitting
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with a guy and thinking about your life and, and watching
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people go to work and you're going home.
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The brain stuff. So memory coming back.
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This is a big one. The the fog lifts.
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I can I have my word recall is better.
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I can articulate my thoughts better in a conversation or on
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this podcast or on Instagram. I can produce art and content
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and think about stay tapped into inspiration and come up with
8:12
ideas and solve problems. This is something that goes away
8:17
for a long time. There's no problem solving
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happening in addiction other than how am I going to get high
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today? And it's moving money around,
8:24
it's stealing, it's lying, manipulating from for people to
8:28
try and get the next tie. It's sort of no good purpose.
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I was in survival mode, really remembering conversations the
8:36
next day, not just having them, retaining them, reading a book
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and being able to get through the book.
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I can't tell you how many times towards the end of my addiction
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and I didn't even read books, to be honest, but I didn't have
8:48
time for that. It was too boring for me.
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I would watch endless, I would research endless amounts of drug
8:53
information and I would get high off of learning how to optimize
8:56
my drug use. Essentially, that was my idea of
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fun, my hobby at the time. You know, it's funny as I sit
9:02
here and talk about that, there's a part of my brain.
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This is how I know I'm still an addict.
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A part of my brain still goes, oh man, that was fun.
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We should do that again. Remember, we used to track your
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drug use and you had that app and you used to combine drugs
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and and be a chemist and, and experiment with highs and lows
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and landing gear and that wasn't fun.
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I'd rather sit in my alone, alone in my apartment all day
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sober, then get back into that life and go out and go to clubs
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high and drunk. I don't miss it.
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I shouldn't say I don't miss it. I don't miss the aftermath.
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I don't miss the lifestyle that comes with it.
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So next we have boredom, feeling neutral instead of dangerous.
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Today I experienced boredom a lot in my life.
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I have a lot of time in my hands in between semesters at school.
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I have a part time job, probably need to get another one.
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But I'm I'm fighting it. I don't want to go back into
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landscaping or do construction. It's tough but boredom.
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Today is a lot more. It's not going to kill me.
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This is it's not ruining my day. I can have a lot of bad days in
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recovery and be bored and feel useless and feel like I'm not
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doing enough. But it's different, right?
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It's different than this danger of boredom before was like a
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life or death scenario. I felt like I was gonna die.
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I felt like I needed to do something to have fun.
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I needed excitement in my life so bad that I was gonna die if I
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didn't experience some sort of excitement every day with drugs
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and alcohol. Mainly it's that feeling of
10:30
being bored, not having anything to do and just sitting with
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yourself and not trying to immediately fix it.
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Boredom used to be a 5 alarm fire and now it's just a Tuesday
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afternoon. Oh this one's good, I like this
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one. Eye contact.
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Have you ever noticed that you're able to look people in
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the eyes today if you've been sober for a bit?
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In addiction I was always walking around with my head hung
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low, depressed, not confident, didn't believe in myself, hated
10:56
myself. Today I can walk out into the
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world and look people in the eyes and have conversations with
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them and listen to what they're saying and get something from
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it. When I hear people talking and
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and telling me a story or talking about their experience
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or just even small talk, I I find it interesting because I
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can ask them questions and I actually care about
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conversations. I can benefit from conversations
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in my life today instead of having those 6:00 AM kitchen
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talks about changing the world and starting a business and
11:24
changing your life. All those bullshit surface level
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conversations we have at the after party in the in addiction
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and and alcoholism, those fake relationships we build with
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random people. Shame isn't a personality trait,
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it's a side effect. When the using stops, the shame
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starts unhooking and you face, your face stops working overtime
11:44
to hide it. So you're not always constantly
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thinking about what other people are thinking of you.
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You can just be present in scenarios, in conversations.
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Next we have people not flinching or walking on egg
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shells around you. So kids who stop bracing,
11:57
partners who stop scanning for threats, parents who answer the
12:00
phone differently when you call. Oh my God, my dad is happy to
12:03
see me again. He doesn't have that look on his
12:05
face. That's like, son, how are you
12:07
going to let me down today? Anyone remember that when you
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used to show up to family functions or around your friends
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or wife or or husband, and they just had that look of what are
12:17
you up to? How are you going to let me down
12:19
today? That look of mistrust and
12:22
sadness and despair, I don't 'cause that on anybody today.
12:28
What a beautiful thing. I don't invoke fear in people
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everywhere I go. I don't create anxiety in
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people. I'm fun to be around again.
12:40
I can bring people up instead of bringing them down all the time.
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You know, this one's interesting too, because I find that even in
12:48
sobriety, I can be very low sometimes, some days, some
12:51
moments. And I notice when I'm being like
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that because other people notice it.
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I wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm one of those people that if
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I'm in an emotional place, you will know about it.
13:00
And sometimes I can't control it.
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Sometimes I I self pity. It's like a, a logo on my
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T-shirt. I can just, I, I show up into
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situations and rooms and you can sense the sadness on me and
13:12
that's OK. It doesn't last and I can get
13:15
through it and it's just temporary.
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I don't, I'm not spending majority of my days like that
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anymore where I was before or I was extremely high and I was a
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flight risk and people were always nervous around me because
13:28
my anxiety was through the roof. My excitement was through the
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roof. I was talking in my old man, you
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couldn't get a word in. What a gift to not have to do
13:35
that today. Next we have being depended on.
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So first thing that comes up to mind when I think of being
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depended on. So being a person who can show
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up is being a a designated driver.
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What a gift. I can drive people around when
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they're drinking and I can enjoy it.
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I can take care of people and they need to be taken care of.
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If my friend has had too much to drink, I can be that person that
14:01
he used to be for me. I can take care of people if I
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have to. In those scenarios, especially
14:06
if you're young and you're still going out, that's a gift.
14:10
When someone asks me for a ride, for advice, to watch their kid,
14:13
to hold something for them, I can do that.
14:15
I can be that person. I can my sister trust me around
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her daughter. What a gift to have people trust
14:21
you again. That is beautiful and it takes
14:23
time. You got to prove it through
14:25
actions. But it it's worth it at the end
14:27
of the day and it's a beautiful thing.
14:29
Trust feels heavy when you haven't carried it for a while.
14:32
That weight is a gift. This is a good one too.
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Time you didn't know you had. When you get sober, you're going
14:38
to get a lot of time back on your hands.
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You'll hear people say that and it's true.
14:42
I spent a lot of time planning, premeditating, acquiring my
14:46
drugs and alcohol, thinking about.
14:48
I was constantly in this state of how am I going to get my next
14:51
high? How long is it going to last?
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How am I going to get the high after that?
14:54
Is it going to be enough? Do I have enough?
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Do I have things to do tonight that will contribute to my fun?
15:01
Always about me, self-centered to the extreme.
15:04
I'm the main character of the story all the time in addiction
15:07
and I can still be that way in recovery, but I'm aware of it
15:10
now and I can jump out of it when I'm being main character.
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Anthony. OK, here's some of the weird
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ones that you might not think about.
15:17
Knowing where your phone is and being able to leave your phone
15:20
places and not have people looking at it and seeing that
15:23
you're dealing drugs or picking up drugs or doing things that
15:26
you shouldn't be doing. I can leave my phone and know
15:29
where it is. I could.
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I'm not worried about losing it when I go out.
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Remember used to check your pockets every 30 seconds to make
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sure you had everything on you. Your wallet, your keys, your
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phone. It's a small gift, but it's a
15:39
real 1. You always know where your phone
15:41
is, your wallet, your keys. The constant low grade panic of
15:45
having lost something is gone. Always knowing where your drugs
15:49
were. Having to sneak drugs into
15:50
places. That was another one that I used
15:52
to worry about a lot. Next we have being able to be
15:56
alone with yourself. This one's good.
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I don't need music, I don't need to drive and listen to.
16:01
I don't have to be stimulated all the time.
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Sometimes I can just sit with myself and meditate.
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Be aware of consciousness, be aware of now, pray, journal.
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I can be present and not feel like I need to escape myself.
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The room is quiet and you're in it and that's fine.
16:19
Yesterday I was sitting watching TV and I noticed that I had
16:23
nothing to do today. I had no plans and I actually
16:25
was kind of relieved by that. I was OK with just enjoying the
16:29
night with my wife and being alone until she came home.
16:32
The dramatic transformations that we talked about in the
16:35
beginning and why the small stuff is the real stuff is
16:38
because those dramatic transfer transformations are unreliable
16:42
motivation. They're not going to keep you
16:43
going and keep you sober. I'm going to get sober and get
16:46
my career back, my family back, my health back.
16:48
They're real, but they're long game payouts.
16:51
They're not going to bring you the dopamine or the the
16:53
satisfaction, the fullness of your spiritual cup.
16:56
The brain doesn't run on long game payouts.
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The brain runs on what is noticed this morning.
17:01
The small wins, the base hits if you will.
17:05
In baseball the small instrumental movements inches
17:11
progress not perfection. Small gifts are evidence.
17:15
Every small unexpected gift is the brain logging proof that
17:19
sobriety is delivering things. Using or drinking did not using
17:23
and drinking delivered intensity.
17:25
I always say this but I was always living at A10 nines and
17:28
10s. Today I can live at the fives
17:30
and the fours and or I was at the nines and 10s in addiction
17:33
or the ones and the twos. Now today I can live at the
17:36
fives and the sixes and be OK, be content.
17:39
So this is about compound interest.
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A small single gift doesn't keep anyone sober. 100 small gifts
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noticed and named Will. I started to write them down.
17:50
I started gratitude journaling and seeing all the things that
17:52
I've gotten back talking about the good things, putting my
17:55
magic magnifying glass on the positives in my life, not the
17:58
negatives. So last thing before I close,
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this is for the person listening who can't think of anything yet.
18:03
And that's OK. It's it takes time to notice the
18:06
good things in your life. If you're still in months one to
18:09
three and feeling nothing yet the version of you didn't feel
18:12
the gifts yet. Your timeline is real.
18:15
Even if it's slower than the inspirational posts.
18:18
Post acute withdrawal syndrome is real.
18:20
It's a chemical thing going on in your body.
18:24
You are still recuperating months after the using.
18:28
Your body is still adapting. You're rewiring your
18:30
neurotransmitters. I got AI got a message the other
18:33
day on Instagram. Somebody literally just said how
18:36
do I rewire my neurotransmitters?
18:38
How do I change my neurotransmitters?
18:41
The only answer I have to that individual is just keep going.
18:45
There's no shortcuts in addiction recovery.
18:49
There is only small wins accumulated over time, over and
18:52
over again until it changes. It just takes time.
18:57
The first three months of my recovery again, this time around
19:00
I was thinking about using cocaine every day and I was
19:02
pissed. I was sad, I was resentful, I
19:06
was depressed, and I just pushed through it.
19:08
I called somebody every single day and told them about it and
19:11
talked about it and I asked other people how they were
19:13
doing. I got out of myself, I went for
19:16
walks, I worked out. It does pass.
19:19
This too shall pass. I promise you.
19:21
It will just keep going. So pick one of these things, the
19:26
rewards, the gifts from body, brain, people, money, or weird
19:30
ones that I've mentioned today. Look for one gift in each this
19:34
week. Don't try to feel gratitude for
19:36
it, just notice it. Naming accounts, write it down.
19:40
Feeling is a bonus that comes later.
19:41
Notice the good things in your life today.
19:44
Maybe you need to ask somebody else.
19:46
Hey, have you noticed any change in me?
19:48
Have you noticed any growth improvement?
19:50
Can you tell me about it so I can notice it?
19:52
Having another person, another perspective, is essential here
19:55
because we're only one perspective and we're usually
19:58
looking for the bad things, the negatives.
20:00
We're we're wired that way. We're scanning for threats.
20:03
It's human nature. Sobriety isn't a list of things
20:06
you got back. It's a sensitivity that comes
20:09
back online. The ability to notice what was
20:11
always there. The food was always there.
20:14
The mornings were always there. The eye contact was always
20:16
available. You're not getting new things,
20:19
you're getting your receiver back.
20:21
You're changing your perception. You are changing the way you
20:25
look at the world. When you get sober you are
20:28
noticing certain things you never noticed before and that is
20:32
the gift here. That is the promise.
20:34
If you stay sober long enough and continue to work a recovery
20:37
program, you will notice the good in your life.
20:42
So comment down below. What's one small unexpected gift
20:46
sobriety gave you that you didn't see coming?
20:48
DM me comments below. I'm collecting them not just for
20:51
content but just for me. I need to be reminded of the
20:54
small wins because I can forget. I can forget how good sobriety
21:01
can be. I can focus on the negatives.
21:04
Often I do it a lot. When there's not a lot of good
21:07
things externally, it's very easy to look internally and
21:10
start to notice the bad. Or it's really easy to notice
21:13
all the things you should have instead of the roof over your
21:17
head, the air conditioning on the food in your fridge, the
21:21
family in your life messaging you, the lack of hangovers.
21:25
It's very easy to notice the bad.
21:27
Start looking for the good and it will change your life.
21:30
It's hard but it's worth it. Thank you everyone for listening
21:34
today. I love every single one of you.
21:36
Please like follow, subscribe to the podcast.
21:38
I just looked on Spotify and it says 14% of the listeners are
21:41
following. So if you could follow on
21:43
Spotify, on YouTube, subscribe, I would appreciate it.
21:46
I love every single one of you, thank you.
21:48
Remember, recovery is simple, not easy.