Latest / faafo with courtney / have you apologized: september 11th 2026

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have you apologized: september 11th 2026 · faafo with courtney

0:02
I don't know why I feel calm but hesitant and
0:10
a little unsure. But I'm going to go with it.
0:17
I am feeling like the theme or the question of
0:24
today is specifically, have you apologized? I'm
0:31
not going to do a video recording of this. I've
0:34
already just taken a picture, which I will upload
0:36
to itastelikemagic .com. And then I am going
0:44
to share what came up for me as it relates to
0:50
the topic of apologizing, why it matters and
0:55
the times that I have apologized to people. Who
1:00
and why? You're listening to FAA FO with Courtney.
1:05
Available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon
1:08
Music, iHeartRadio, Pandora, and wherever you
1:12
get your podcasts. Good morning. My name is Courtney,
1:17
also known as Cece in Brazil. And today is Friday.
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Friday what? September 11th, 2026. And as I mentioned,
1:30
I won't be doing a video recording of this, but
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if you want to see the layout or the spread or
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the picture, you can go to itastelikemagic .com
1:40
and search for today's date. So what you are
1:44
listening to now is kind of what I'm being moved
1:49
to talk about. And as I was getting ready to
1:53
record this section. Even though I don't need
1:57
to look at the screen to record, I was reminded
2:01
or I just needed to turn up the brightness on
2:06
my tablet. And then the sun came out a little
2:08
bit and it looked a little brighter. And that
2:11
took me back to the first word that I got today
2:14
when I sat down at my desk, which was timing.
2:17
Because there was a lot of perfect timing things
2:20
that were happening for me this morning. With
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that being said, let me just kind of go through
2:28
the words and maybe some of it will resonate
2:30
with you. So the first word is timing. And then
2:34
I got early birdie. And then I pull a handwritten
2:40
note card that has earth on it. Oh, and then
2:44
smaller cards that I put smaller handwritten
2:48
notes that I placed on there. And it's funny
2:50
because I just noticed the sun. The sun, I sat
2:54
above earth, and then the month of September,
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the number 17 through 18, the number 31, the
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number 5. To the right of that, I have the words
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waiting, silence, and close enough. On the left
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-hand side of the earth card, I have rot, paperwork,
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neighbors, clear audience, and damage is done.
3:21
Underneath the earth card, I wrote out of place.
3:25
And then I have the number 737. And then the
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handwritten playing cards. I have the word transmuting
3:35
on the jack of diamonds. And then I have the
3:40
word dance written on the queen of spades. And
3:45
then on the four of clubs. I have written, have
3:49
you apologized? Now that I'm talking, I don't
3:55
normally read the suits or anything. I just use
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the cards because that's all I had at the time.
4:00
And so I'm noticing the four of clubs. The clubs
4:07
are making me draw my attention back to earth.
4:13
But let's... well you sit with that if you want
4:19
let's just focus on have you apologize so as
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I sat with that I was like yeah I have and it's
4:26
interesting though because I know I mean people
4:30
have assumptions about people and people gossip
4:33
and people might feel like oh someone has done
4:38
me wrong or oh someone we throw the word narcissist
4:42
around we throw the word self -centered around.
4:46
We throw all these different labels around towards
4:50
people based off of our personal experience with
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them. And I'm not saying that as a judgment that
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it should or shouldn't be done. I'm just kind
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of giving some context. And so as it relates
5:01
to me, I know some people in their personal experience
5:05
with me or dealings with me, they may feel like
5:09
I don't care or that I'm dismissive or that I'm
5:12
very quick to cut someone off or cancel them,
5:19
whatever words that are trending right now as
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it relates to protecting our peace and our boundaries.
5:26
We're not even always protecting because I think
5:31
we need to first learn sometimes that we need
5:34
stronger boundaries and then when we decide on
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what those boundaries are, which can vary at
5:41
different levels for different people. I think
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boundaries are something that should be fluid,
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and also boundaries can vary from person to person.
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So I may have a certain boundary with one person
5:57
and may not have that same boundary with another
6:02
person. And I know why I do that, but I think
6:07
people fail to realize that's a thing. The reason
6:12
why I may have a certain boundary with one person
6:16
and a different one and not the same boundary
6:19
with another person for me comes down to how
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I feel about them energetically, which isn't
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always something that's on the conscious level,
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but as I sit and think about it now, right? In
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the end, as it relates to now getting back to
6:43
apologizing, there are some people I will apologize
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or have apologized to for maybe the same thing
6:54
that I have done to someone else, but I didn't
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apologize to the other person. I feel like this
7:04
is not resonating with someone, but how... But
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it possibly is giving someone a blueprint on
7:19
how they may be able to more efficiently navigate
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relationships. And oddly, one of the people that
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I'm going to talk about that I have apologized
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to is not someone that is... In my immediate
7:39
circle out. I mean, I don't really have anybody
7:42
in my immediate circle, but they are not someone
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that I am even in contact with. When I decided
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or was moved to be obedient and to apologize
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to them, I literally had to go and find them.
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It was like. Wasn't even my stuff, but let me
8:01
just jump in. So. There are three different stories
8:05
that I'm going to tell as it relates to apology.
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The first one is about an apology that I had
8:15
to. OK, I'm being positive. I'm being moved to
8:20
pause first. So why my apologies matter and what
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might that have to do with early birdie? I think
8:30
we all like to feel like we've never harmed anyone
8:33
and that some people feel like they're the victim
8:38
of everything or everyone. I once told a story
8:42
about how it's interesting that a lot of quote
8:45
unquote woke and spiritual girlies and just people
8:47
right now are like, oh my God, someone did this
8:49
to me and oh my blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
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And I'm like, I grew up tall and dark during
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an era where that was not an end thing. and was
9:00
teased about that right and not that I want or
9:08
expect an apology I was just basically saying
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how where are those people now have they sat
9:15
with teasing others right or do they just dismiss
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it as oh that's just what kids do yet complain
9:27
about being bullied in the workplace or so on
9:30
and so forth. And maybe they've just grown up
9:32
to be the bullies. Again, I'm not playing the
9:35
victim. This is not what I am talking about.
9:37
It's just more of when we have either been moved
9:45
and guided to apologize to people or we genuinely
9:50
feel like we need to apologize to someone. Even
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if they've never complained or even if they felt
9:57
like you haven't done anything wrong, what is
10:01
the return on investment for apologizing? So
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I think we just came or still in this energy
10:07
of Saturn and retrograde, you know, and I'm just
10:12
going to simplify it. And a lot of people are
10:14
looking to get their lick back or their karma
10:17
for people who have wronged them. And, you know,
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I think they say Saturn is like the daddy. And
10:23
is going to sit some folks down, right? And not
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even just the people that have wronged us, just
10:30
all of us. And what if we did the thing before
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the energy called for it? What if we are, were
10:44
the early birdies and did the thing before the
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energetic? happened? What if we just did it because
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we could? And I think part of me got to thinking
11:01
about this topic this morning also because I
11:07
was thinking about people who intentionally are
11:09
like feel like it's their role to teach someone
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a lesson. The Who does she think she is? I'm
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going to show her or I'm going to intentionally
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try to sabotage them because they think they're
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all that or they did this to me or and I'm innocent
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about everything in life, right? So now I need
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to seek revenge or it's my duty to humble them.
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And I'm like, who the fuck do you think you are?
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How much envy and hatred and animosity has been
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sitting, brewing in you? Like, do you wake up
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every morning just angry at people? Like, when
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do you start plotting to get revenge or get your
12:10
lick back? And are they the root of a person's
12:16
animosity? And I couldn't see where or how some
12:25
people might feel like, who does she think she
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is? Or who does he think he is? Who do they think
12:32
they are? I think people forget, though, that
12:38
some people are just being themselves. And instead
12:41
of being mad at the person, they need to be mad
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at God or whatever saint, deity, orisha gods
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that they believe in or worship or whatever and
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pray to. Why are you not angry at the divine
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creator or creators who created this person?
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And are you the... What is the word? Not the
13:06
missionary, but the it's not the martyr either.
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Oh, I can't think of the word right now. But
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are you the one that has been given the mission
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to hand out justice here on Earth? But so that's
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some of where this is coming from. Now, what
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does that have to do? Have you apologize? I think.
13:33
For me, it may look like I'm lucky or I am fortunate
13:37
or I have been able to dance around, bypass misfortune,
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which isn't true at all, right? I'm great at
13:48
transmuting things and turning lemonade. Well.
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That's a powerful thing, right? The saying actually
13:56
goes, making lemonade out of lemons. But if you
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can turn lemonade into lemons, that's even some
14:02
more powerful shit. So yes, I can turn lemonade
14:04
into lemons also. So there's that. But I have
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also apologized in advance before someone has
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made it clear to me or brought it to my attention
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that they felt. That I have harmed them in my
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quiet and solitude time. I think about a lot
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of different things, right? So back to who I
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have apologized for and to. I have apologized
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to someone. I don't know if I want to say on
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behalf of my father because it didn't start out
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like that. It literally was, I was living it
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for the mind of my business. And one day it was
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just like pick up the phone and apologize to
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this person for what. They said that your father
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did many, many, many years ago. And I remember
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the incident, but I really couldn't remember
14:58
if I ever acknowledged or addressed or apologized.
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And that was really, and it wasn't initially
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when I called, I didn't apologize on behalf of
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my father. I guess it was more of, as an adult
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now, when it happened, I was much younger, teenager,
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I believe, maybe college. But I remember thinking
15:22
in the moment where I was moved to apologize
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was, I don't know if I ever properly handled
15:29
the conversation when it arose to me. And I didn't
15:33
want to risk not having had the opportunity to
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do that. And because it just came out of nowhere
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on some random day, I was like, yo. But the challenge
15:45
was I didn't want to. I didn't want to be the
15:50
person either to reopen old wounds in the event
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that it was something that the person had healed
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and moved forward from. But long story short,
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I was obedient and followed my intuition. I located
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the person. I asked if we could speak. They agreed.
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And I explained. that I understood if they didn't
16:19
want to discuss it. But I also explained why
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I was making the call at that point in time.
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And it ended up being an amazing conversation.
16:28
They understood where I came from. They actually
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took a burden off of me by reminding me that
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it had been handled. And I don't know. There
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are very few spans of my life that I don't remember
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certain things. And that time period, I do not
16:54
remember a lot of what happened or what was discussed
16:57
or how it was handled, how I responded. And then
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there's another era of my life that is a complete
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and total blank. And that was a very traumatic
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time of my life. And, but, so in the conversation
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with that person, I apologize, especially also
17:24
because I was, and I say was not because it changed
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or anything. My father is dead and no longer
17:33
on this earth. I apologized because, well, here's
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the thing, right? That is the only scenario or
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situation that I know about. Could my father
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have done some harm or damage to other people?
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Possibly. I'm sure. I don't know. I've never
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heard of anything else. I only knew specifically
17:54
from firsthand conversation about that particular
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incident, right? Yeah, so that was one time that
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I apologized. And that person and I, this happened
18:05
a few years ago, that person and I have only
18:07
spoken once since then. Not because any hard
18:10
feelings or animosity, it's just because after,
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you know, our younger formative years, we just
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went on our separate ways. It was a childhood
18:19
friend. So there's that. Could I say that maybe
18:27
people, could I say maybe, Can we rack up positive
18:34
karmic or dharma points by doing something in
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advance, even if we don't feel like we need to
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or if it was our burden? Maybe. Who knows? Am
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I withdrawing from my positive karmic and dharma
18:50
bank right now? Possibly. It feels that way sometimes
18:54
because I've definitely had to do some, I've
18:57
definitely done some things that I didn't have
18:59
to do that have been very, very difficult. Next
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person I'm going to talk about is my son. And
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I'm not going to get into all the details. We
19:13
didn't have a tumultuous relationship or anything
19:15
like that. It just had to do with custody and
19:17
things of that nature. And one day I was just
19:21
like. I may cause, I may be the cause of this
19:27
child, my son, our son, this person, this young
19:32
man now, of needing therapy. And I can't undo
19:37
that. Do I feel like, I mean, it's just a matter
19:43
of like, I don't know, right? And it can go either
19:48
way. But either way. Let me go ahead and initiate
19:53
the conversation and to start out with look.
19:56
I am sorry if anything, any choices I made or
20:01
didn't make have caused you any emotional turmoil
20:05
and has or may cause you to want to seek counseling
20:11
or therapy. Firstly, I want you to know that
20:15
should anything happen to me, you always have.
20:19
my circle of women that I trust who understand
20:23
my personality that you can always reach out
20:27
to for support if you don't feel like going to
20:30
a counselor or something like that. But also,
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you know, I'm just deeply, I take full responsibility
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for any emotional turmoil that I may have caused.
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And of course, none of it was intentional or
20:50
whatever, just my decisions, our decisions, our
20:54
personal decisions, the boundaries we make to
20:56
protect our peace and our sanity may adversely
21:00
affect our children. And not everyone understands
21:04
that. And even to this day, even though I've
21:06
apologized to him, I would not do anything differently
21:09
because I've told this story before. For me to
21:12
tell my child that the only thing that I have
21:14
ever wanted for him to be was to be happy meant
21:17
that I had to lead by example. Meant that I had
21:22
to stand on my words and stand on business even
21:25
as a mother. Even as a mother who... understood
21:30
that society didn't understand the choices that
21:33
I was making based off of their own rules and
21:39
paradigms or whatever, right? So I call my son
21:42
and he listens. And then he says, then he says,
21:48
oh, I've already worked. It was, he's a Capricorn.
21:53
Very matter of factly, he was just like, oh,
21:57
I've already worked through that. And that literally
22:01
brought me to tears because it was just like,
22:04
wow. I'm stuttering because I still don't really
22:08
know how to process that, right? Part of me made
22:11
me feel even more guilty, but then I understood
22:13
also why it was put on my heart. And he's just
22:17
like, yeah, like, okay, love you. Is that it?
22:20
You got to go. And something, anything may come
22:25
up later on. Either way, it is what it is. But
22:29
that was also, I'm hearing that saying, you know,
22:33
a heart as light as a feather. I think that relieved
22:35
some things that probably were sitting with me
22:38
that I had suppressed. And a lot of times we
22:40
don't want to admit. It's easy to hide away the
22:44
things that we may be feeling guilty about, even
22:47
if we don't really feel guilty about it, but
22:49
we know that society or the person might judge
22:53
us. Last but not least. This is a petty one.
22:57
And this is the one that's more recent. So the
23:02
most recent person that I have apologized to
23:06
wasn't even like, how do I explain this? So there
23:14
is some backstory. The backstory is the person
23:18
that I most recently apologized to was a man.
23:21
It wasn't even a man that I'm in a relationship
23:23
with or whatever. And there was a lot of petty,
23:26
stupid mind games that were, that was happening.
23:29
Not something that I have ever done in my life,
23:31
but I was like, fuck it, throw caution to the
23:34
wind or whatever, do it for the plot. What am
23:36
I to learn out of this or whatever? So I engaged
23:39
a lot longer in the pettiness, the back and forth
23:43
than I ever, I'm not going to even say than I
23:48
ever have is because I've never been. In the
23:52
building of a relationship, the process of getting
23:55
to know someone, or any type of relationship
23:59
like that where there's that type of petty. I've
24:02
heard people talk about that shit, but no. I'm
24:06
not for it. But I have, in that situation recently,
24:10
I engaged in the petty. No, I won't say I didn't.
24:15
I allowed it to entertain me. It was entertaining
24:17
as I sit on the other side of the world and I
24:22
need some entertainment. And anyway, so one day
24:28
I wake up and I see something that they posted
24:33
and I was like, oh, that's new. Didn't know that.
24:39
And it hurt my feelings a little bit. Or a lot.
24:43
Only because I think I was surprised. I don't
24:46
know why I was surprised, though. I really wasn't
24:49
surprised. I think seeing the thing that I had
24:52
a feeling about bothered me more, right? So it's
24:58
like we can consider something, but it's not
25:01
until we actually see the thing. And I've said
25:04
this before, right? I've talked about how it's
25:06
easy to feel like we've healed. from something
25:09
when we remove ourselves from the situation.
25:12
And a perfect example of this is like how sometimes
25:15
we think we can heal, have healed from a situation
25:17
or people or scenario or an environment until
25:20
damn Facebook shows us a memory or suggests the
25:24
person or whatever as a friend. And you're just
25:28
like, ooh, that stunk. I'm not as healed as I
25:31
thought I was. I had just removed myself or ignored
25:34
the thing, right? Which... It's perfectly fine,
25:38
but avoidance and healing are two different things.
25:41
But hey, I'm not going to get into that right
25:44
now. Anyway, so I see the thing and my emotions
25:48
started to boil. And then I got calm and I was
25:52
like, no, this is a test. And so I just responded
25:56
and I was like, in a positive, very positive
25:59
way. And at the time, I don't think. I felt like
26:05
they did it to hurt me. I don't even think that
26:08
crossed my mind. I just knew that I needed to
26:11
respond in a very diplomatic type of way. So
26:17
time goes on. And when I say time, right, like
26:21
a couple of hours seems like years. So but a
26:26
couple of days go by or whatever. Right. And
26:29
then. As I was kind of like going back and forth
26:32
through my emotions, part of me was like, I'm
26:35
not as bothered as I thought I was. And then
26:36
I would have a couple of hours later and I'm
26:38
like, yo, that shit hurt. That stung. And then
26:41
I would allow myself to laugh and then I would
26:43
allow myself to cry. And maybe like 72 hours
26:46
or whatever in it, going back and forth of like
26:49
emotions, proud of myself because of the way
26:52
I handled it. And then I'm like, no, but that
26:54
stung. Like, oh, ouch. I care more than I thought.
27:01
So, around the three -day mark, I realized, but
27:05
you did the same fucking thing. You really tried
27:09
to make him jealous. And I had to eat that. I
27:12
had to literally own that. Now, it's one thing
27:15
to sit in our knowing and to be able to acknowledge
27:21
that within ourselves. But then what do we do?
27:26
Do we have enough? There's growth in us. I hear
27:32
somebody, I hear someone right now saying, nah,
27:35
fuck that. I'm petty. And yeah, I get it. But
27:39
just in that particular moment, I was like, you
27:41
know what? I have to recognize that I did the
27:43
same shit and I had to apologize. So I sent a
27:47
message and I was like, you know what? I intentionally
27:52
tried to make you jealous before. And yeah. So
28:00
that's another time that I had to kind of sit
28:03
with being uncomfortable and apologizing. And
28:11
I think it's hard sometimes because it's like,
28:18
oh, I'm giving that person a win. Like they won
28:21
that round. And that may be true, but my heart
28:24
was lighter. It was off my conscious. Adding
28:28
more to my pot. All right. So two things I've
28:33
talked about early birdie. Have you apologize?
28:37
And last but not least, when I was writing my
28:41
website on the table here, which is FAAFO .APP,
28:46
which stands for, yes, you are correct. Fuck
28:50
around and find out. I was like, move to come
28:54
back to that. And I said, but that's different.
28:58
Sometimes we don't read it. We don't say it.
29:01
We don't feel into how many different ways that
29:03
can mean. Most people use that as something external,
29:07
right? Oh, they fucked around and about to find
29:09
out. True. But what happens when we fuck around
29:15
and find out when we do the thing, when we apologize
29:20
first, when we apologize? for something to someone
29:24
that hasn't even expressed feeling like they
29:27
have harmed us. So I guess the topic of this
29:32
is, are you willing to F around and find out
29:39
with yourself and your own karma? And in closing,
29:46
I want to say that I use that word very lightly.
29:51
It's not one of my favorite words, but we're
29:54
going to keep this under 30 minutes. Ciao, ciao
29:56
for now.