Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / Crowd Work Pack_ Ontario Improv_ Part 1

Transcript

Crowd Work Pack_ Ontario Improv_ Part 1 · Mic Drop Comedy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Everything okay down there? I'm sorry. Both of y'all deserve
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: better from me than that. I apologize. Okay, now both
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: of y'all looking away down real hard. Is everything all right?
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: He can't see? Oh, well, turn him this way. He
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: don't know.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't even have knew that. If you turned and
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: got down. That's fucked up to just turn the blind
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: in whatever way. That is funny. He all against the
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: back wall like this.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ask me when the last
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: time I saw Nick. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: All right, he really blind. Oh, you're strong, though. God damn.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: God damn.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: Rule number one. I'm fucking unhinged right now.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: I can feel it. Let's talk to Rosa Parks here.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: Thank you for remaining in your seat in the original
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: Montgomery boycott.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: I appreciate that. I know I've been changed. How young
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: are you, ma'am?
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: 63, you look damn good for 63.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: And how old are you, sir?
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: You younger than her and you look terrible. I'm not
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: even bullshitting, man. She look good and you look like
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: you've been running outside in the heat for years. They
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: don't let you in the house? He's like, I'm outside working, nigga.
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: I'm outside, nigga. How did y'all meet? At a goddamn auction?
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: At your buddy's house? That fucked him up when I
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: said auction. I got a $ 300, anybody want a $ 350?
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: I got it for sale.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: Right here, $ 361. Anybody want a Mayate? Mayate, $ 362.
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: Negrito, negrito, negrito, grande negrito, $ 362.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: What's your name? You got an old name? Gerald. Gerald! Yeah!
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: It's two names Gerald in here. Yeah, it's an old
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: name Gerald and a little Gerald.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: That's your daddy? Is that the second J? You a junior?
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: You Gerald Jr.? That's your daddy? I shit on myself.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: That's your daddy? That's who's dad? That's your dad? Shut
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: the fuck up. That's your mama too? Y'all made a
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: pretty baby too. Who is this nigga?
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: Who is he with her? Hold on, lady, that's fucked up.
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: You were supposed to say, he's my man. You were like,
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: this nigga I sleep with too. He be dying like
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: a motherfucker.
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: This nigga ain't shit. That's fucked up. Yeah, that's her man, though, right?
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: You like him? He all right with y'all?
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: Outstanding. That's a family affair. And so, Gerald, how long
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: you was working on the train?
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: You retired?
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: I know that's right, because if you were still working,
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: I'd shoot somebody on your behalf. You retired at 55?
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: What did you used to do? Shut up. Every doorknob.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: Every sink.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: They had you doing the air conditioning too? Oh, they
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: were working the shit out you, Gerald. You managed the supervisors?
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: You had your own ladder.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah. You see somebody on your ladder, I know goddamn
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: well you ain't on Gerald's ladder. You can get on
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: Jacob's ladder, but not Gerald's. That blind man tapped his shoulder.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: That's funny.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: Okay, and so how did you meet her? You were
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: doing maintenance. She was teaching third grade. She was a custodian.
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: Your friend was like, bitch, you need to meet Gerald.
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: You got to see how many.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: Tools he got on his belt. He's a handyman. You
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: like that, huh?
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: See, the older black people would just be like, let's
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: just see what trades you got.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: You good with your hands? Grab my chi-chis. I like that.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: How many kids y'all got? Five. Gerald.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: Well, you've been laying pipe for sure. He said, I
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: told y'all I was a plumber. Hell yeah.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: Gerald getting up in shirt socks.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: That's how your daddy fucked your mama. That's how they
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: made you. Big strong daddy. He picked your mama up
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: like this. Come here, bitch. Shut the fuck up. You
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: were literally like, Mommy? Gerald ain't playing. I like y'all
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: a lot. I like y'all a lot. Y'all my favorite.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: All right, let's move around. Let's talk to you. You, uh,
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: what are you? Cambodian.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: Hold on. Where you going, baby? I didn't see where
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: you came from. You look like a whole ass Teletubby.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: And she's like, tinky-winky. Is that your man? You sat
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: down next to that old man? Get your money.
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: I know you got it too, Playboy. That got glasses
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: on top of his head. He rich as a motherfucker.
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: We gonna talk in a minute, but I gotta talk
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: to the Cambodian drug lord right quick.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: How you doing? You got on 24 karat gold. You
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: got money.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: Is that ivory on your necklace? Yeah, that's a tiger's tooth?
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: That's a real tiger's tooth? That's the tooth from an
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: actual tiger? Did you, your dad got it? With his
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: bare hands? And who is she that she keep wanting
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: to answer?
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: Your fiance? Congratulations. Outstanding. You're not Cambodian. Mexican? What kind?
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: What? There's hella different kinds of Mexicans. They're not just
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: the same black people. There's different ones. Machoacan, Aliscos, motherfuckin'.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: That's a lot. Some of them got good food. Some
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: of them dance real good. Some of them talk back
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: a lot.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: What are you? What kind of Mexican are you, baby?
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: Mexican with Cambodian in you. Okay. Right now? Show me
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: both your hands, motherfucker. He like, how you like my
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: tiger tooth? She said, it's great. So how does a
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: Cambodian man meet a Mexican lady? You met at work?
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: You're not supposed to do that. Where you work at?
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: Traffic control? What's that mean? Like you're the ones in
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: the intersection with the thing? You make our life miserable? No,
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: I think if you do your job right, you actually help.
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: If we honk at you, you punish us? What if
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: the person behind me honk at you?
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: You hold me? Fuck with that. What about you? You
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: got the same type of justice? Do you have a whistle?
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: But do you use yours? Because you look like you loud.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: She's out there yelling, you in the fucking Toyota! Toyota Roja!
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: That's what I just said, but in your language, baby.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: What's your favorite color?
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: If it's not the number five, that baby's slow. So
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: you met at work. Both of y'all work in traffic.
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: So you were at one intersection and she was down
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: at the other one? You met in Oregon? Let me
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: just talk to her. Is that okay? She's finishing all
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: the sentences. You sure you want to do this? Because
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: you still got some time. That's your fiance, right? It's
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: not done yet. Okay, so you met in the state
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: of Oregon? Doing what, on a road trip? So y'all
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: traveled to fuck with other people's traffic? Y'all got money?
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: His family does, but do you make money on your own?
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: You think together you can put together $ 100? Okay, give
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: me $ 100.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: What'd you just say, sweetheart?
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: You gonna give me $ 100? Because that's all you got?
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: You know that's what I just asked for.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: Is there drugs in this community? Is that a thing?
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: Is that a thing? Have you been drinking a little
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: bit since? Is that what it is? She drank that
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: whole bucket. Yeah, that's what she loaded. Don't fucking think
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: that I had any thing to drink. If you ever
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: want me to fuck your pee pee again. She don't
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: give a shit. She just yell at your dick. Get hard, motherfucker!
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: I like y'all, but I'm not sure if I'm as
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: excited as I was with them. You love him? Scale
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: from one to a thousand. He's your world? Fuck that.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: That's what they said on my Netflix special. I need
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: new answers.
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: Sit your big titty ass down. It's dry ass interaction.
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to save this. Sir, how much you love her?
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: Scale from one to a thousand.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah? I'ma move on.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: So.
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: It's show six in two days. You got to be
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: fucked up. Let's talk to this table of black women
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: right here. The goddamn Sopranos from the Mount Bethesda Baptist Church.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: Goddamn dream girls. What's the associate? How does everybody know
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: everybody right here? Her and I know each other.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: Oh, you don't know her? Okay. Well, y'all should get
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: to know her.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: Shit. Shit.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: How old are you? You look a little younger than him. 31.
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: You 31? You look fantastic for 31. Look, this is
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: what it look like when people look good for their age.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: You see that, Gerald?
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: Find out what she eating and you start eating that.
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: And so the other two ladies at the table, you
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: guys are very beautiful. I like what y'all doing. I
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: like that little red shirt with the collar, the pattern,
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: and I like what you're doing with the With the
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: bedazzled bustier bro with the diamond titties.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: I see what you're doing. Hell yeah. Where's your salon
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: at that you own? You don't do hair? This a
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: hairstylist outfit. What you do? I'm a trainer for a
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: food service company. You're a trainer for food service? Yes.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: Which one? Cisco?
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: What city you work in? You work from home?
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: How you train the people you don't leave your house?
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: On Zoom, you're like, watch me cut up this pickle. Bitch,
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: your bra just came down. Your titties are exquisite. What's
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: your name?
• 13:10
  Speaker 4: Huh?
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: Laniece. Ooh, that's a whole name too. Ooh, you gon' go.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: If there's a choice, you gon' go. Friend, she a hoe.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: Okay, you can't say shit like that out loud in public,
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: but is she a hoe blink twice? Is she get
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: a blink two times?
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: Is she a fuckmate? Breathe in. She like.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: Breathe in, bitch. I give some... Ooh, shit. Okay, where
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: y'all men at, y'all single women? Both of y'all?
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: You too, 31? What the fuck is going on? It's
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: beautiful black women just out here just trotting around with
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: no man? Oh my God.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: It's three right there.
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: Literally, you can just turn around and raffle one off. 31,
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: you get the one in the middle. He look like
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: the youngest out of them. The bald one, you can
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: have titties, so it look like three titties when y'all
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: lay together. And then the one that look like a
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: Bokeem Woodbine, you can have, you can have Fantasia Mama.
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: All three of y'all single, right fellas? Handle your business. Shit,
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: that's the order of the couples. You ain't gotta wonder,
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: that's how it's gonna be, okay? Ma'am, I wanna make
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: sure you like yours. Look at y'all rule in the face.
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: You look like John Rue, look at him. Okay, titties,
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: you like the bald one, look at him.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: Oh, shit. Yeah, that took a drink, a confidence drink.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: You're like.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: I can't find my straw. I like y'all for each other.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: Y'all can get to know each other. What's your name, sir,
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: with no hair?
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: Dante. Nice to meet you. And what do you do
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: for money, Dante? A probation officer.
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: So you ain't gonna run out of no, you gonna
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: have plenty of money for a long time. Yeah, cause
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: they got Cambodian drug lords out this motherfucker. Wearing endangered
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: species teeth around they neck like a goddamn African poacher.
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: You ain't supposed to have that goddamn tiger tooth.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm talking about.
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: And so probation officer, are you a cool probation officer
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: or are you a piece of shit? That's the question
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: of the day. You're fair, but who says what fair is?
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: You're fair no matter who says it?
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: Okay. And then what about this one in the middle,
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: the little one in the middle? He's your brother or something?
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: Y'all got the same nose. Okay.
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: That's your younger brother. How old are you, younger brother? 38, 31.
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: I can do that.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: Okay. What's your name? Ryan. What do you do for money?
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: Security at the airport.
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: TSA. TSA. Touching nuts and shit all goddamn day long.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: Do you mind if the next procedure requires me to
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: use the back of my hand? Go ahead. Go on,
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: jack your boy off. All of that. That's what you get.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: Should've let me go. Little sis, what do you do
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: for money? I'm a prison nurse. You're a prison nurse?
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: Oh my God. So you just in there fucking. You
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: ain't supposed to be doing that. No, you're the one
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: in there fucking. That's you.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: When you get locked up, that's the one that you fuck.
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: You be like, I got a boo-boo. And they send
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: you in there. She be like, let me see it.
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: That'll be two trays. Two trays and $ 10 off your J-Pay.
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: Thank you very much.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: Okay. She a freak. Y'all going to be all right.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: He licked his bottom leg. Yeah. All right, now, Ja Rule.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: What do you do for money? Supervisor at Amazon. Supervisor
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: at Amazon. She said, okay. I didn't ask you what
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: you do. What do you do?
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: Me?
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: Yes, ma'am.
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: I'm a retired hip-hop dance teacher, and I just got
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: my med degree. Retired hip-hop dance teacher, and you just
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: got your med degree.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: Damn. Okay.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: I think when people ask you, you should just talk
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: about the bad degree.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: Is there like a project or something that we would
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: all be like, oh, shut the fuck up, you did
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: that choreo? Is there something you did we could be like, damn.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: We did shows.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: At the Holiday Inn in Victorville, but... I'm sorry, what? No,
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: hold on. Uh... I don't know who heard her.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: But I assure you, when I repeat what this motherfucker
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: just said, this whole room gonna be like, what the fuck?
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: She said, I'm a retired hip-hop dancer. I said, where
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: have you done some shows we would know? She said,
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: at the Holiday Inn in Victorville.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: What? Where? Like, is there even a stage in there?
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: Not even Apple Valley Green Tree.
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: She just, just up the goddamn, the hill, just dancing
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: your ass off.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: Five, six, seven, eight. Come on, lady.
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: I'm about to retire. Ma'am, I cannot believe you're trying
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: to stand on business right now. This is the supervisor
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: at Amazon. You had a chance to lie. You should
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: have been like, I cleaned the craters on the moon. Fuck.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: But you got your med degree. Outstanding. What kind? I
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: got poly and.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: Coding and medical terminology translation.
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: Now, you can stay at home and get a lot
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: of money doing that.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: That pay about $ 95, $ 97 a night. You can. You
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: got your first gig yet? You got your first contract yet?
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: You working?
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: Victor Valley what? You already did this on camera. Go
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: ahead and say it again. I missed it. It did it.
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: It zoomed in on your mouth. I work at Victor Valley.
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: This is a microphone, bitch. We heard everything you just said.
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: Just because I said, huh, don't mean that the world
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: didn't hear it. Would you like me to cut that
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: out of the video? Yeah, I wasn't going to do
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: it any goddamn way. I want everybody to know, you
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: just said you retired from dancing at the Victorville Holiday Inn.
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: You keep on getting more serious, as goofy as that sounds.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: Every time I see like, mm-hmm, and I, and I,
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: and I, and I, and you know what? And when
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: I dance, it's made the world turn. You know how
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: fast I go to another hotel if I walk in
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: there and see old black ladies doing choreographed dancing?
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: Like, yeah, let me check in. Ladies in the corner.
• 20:50
  Speaker 5: Ain't no other hotels up this motherfucker, man.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: You got Debbie Allen in the corner working her goddamn
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: ass off. Was that a real answer or were you
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: fucking with us? Oh, okay.
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: Shit, you should have got that out earlier. I know,
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: but it was on its own. It was hilarious. She
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: said a bunch of shit to make it legit. I'd
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: rather leave it at what I thought it was she
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: said she said they would bring them in they would
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: dance for underprivileged children.
• 21:54
  Speaker 4: Right so what do you do when that's the thing
• 22:02
  Speaker 4: man you just move on you know she got a
• 22:06
  Speaker 4: big heart she in there sacrificing dancing for hey Meek.
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: Mill where the fuck you coming from You just took
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: a shit in my shoulder? Where you went pee pee?
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: You went to do what?
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: To check on what? You checked on your children just now? Well,
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: let me mind my goddamn business.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: You got a baby shit or this is in the
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: car or something?
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: I got to check on my kids.
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: Hey!
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: You know what?
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: Hey!
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: Hey, y'all all right?
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: Look under the seat, I put some Doritos under there. Yeah,
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: I'm on the head back in. I'm trying to get
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: some fun and find y'all a mama.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: It's comedy.
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: We're going to have fun before we find out the truth.
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: You want to know what you missed while you were gone?
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: This lady retired. Listen, I said, what do you do?
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: She said she's a retired hip hop dancer.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: I said, where?
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: She said, Victorville Holiday Inn. And every time I say it,
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: she gets serious. And with some respect, we did do
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: that for the children that was underprivileged.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: That little finger mean business. Look. And clock it.
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: That's what you missed while you was checking all your
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: children in the car. So you had to step out
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: and make a phone call.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: Everybody good? Y'all good?
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: I'm sending a pizza. Here I come. Cool. So who
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: you with? Is this a friend group? Everybody in the
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: same row? Just you and your girl? Outstanding. Outstanding. Are
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: you looking away? Was that what that was? Okay.
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: It's y'all.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: I'm talking about y'all. Hold on. Let me let... Go ahead, man.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: Shit.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: You got a job to do.
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: Who the fuck drinking a half gallon of red wine
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: this late in the show? Where is that going? The
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: white people. God damn it. Fuck yeah.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: Let's enjoy ourselves. Delicious. All right.
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: And so, do you have to go soon because of
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: the kids over there? You got some time, that call
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: about you a little time? Okay, cool, cool, cool. I
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: like that you're a good father, that you went. Well,
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: I mean, you ain't there, but. I like that you
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: checked on me, you know what I mean? There's other
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: dads in here, they don't give a fuck. They like, shit,
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: I'm having fun. Fuck them niggas, man, they be all right.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: Huh, Trenton? He said, shit, college, I did my job. Gay?
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: All right, this is good, but you're too sensitive to
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: talk about it, so we got to move on.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: You can tell. You're like, you were a good sport.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: You got some shit on your eye. You all right, baby? Rosa,
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: help him out. There you go. Thought you were crying.
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he was wiping your face in your napkin and
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: busting down. See, I liked our interaction.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: He was cool.
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: He rolled with all the punches. I called him a
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: slave and everything. He had no problems. I asked you
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: one question about your kids, you put both your hands
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: in your hoodie pocket.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: All right, come on then. That's terrible body language. Relax. Hey,
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: where you coming from? Hey. Where you going? I don't
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: see no seat for you over there. That's yours? Okay, good.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: Y'all look nice. Now that you sat with her, I
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: understand the shirt. Y'all look good together. How long y'all
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: been together? Hello? You deaf?
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: Because if it's a deaf and blind show, I am
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: going to get the fuck out of here. We got
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: to call this whole show Helen Keller.
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: You a Bears fan? Do you know she got you
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: wearing cowboys? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: It's the Bears. It's okay.
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: You ain't going to never see them in the Super Bowl.
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: And that's even if you can see.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: Bears look good though. They just won four games back
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: to back to back to back. Four of them.
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: Shit.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: You know how many fingers you just held up? I
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: like you, man. What's your blind ass name? Darius, outstanding.
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: It's nice to meet you, Darius. And this your queen
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: witch that was helping you place your hand on my
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: hand for the dab?
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: Outstanding. You can see right, ma'am. Okay.
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: So how did you meet? She beautiful too, Darius. She
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: bad as a motherfucker. Just so you know, because I
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: know you be feeling her face like, I feel like
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: you pretty, but I'll tell you right.
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: Now, she look like she got some fire on her, Darius.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: She found you a good one. And so how did
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: you meet? We met online. You met online. How? Braille. See,
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: that's how you type.
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: Huh?
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: Oh, how long you been blind? Fuck. Jesse. Can't even
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: see them. Shut the fuck up. He's trying to make
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: y'all feel bad. Thank y'all. Thank you, everybody. Motherfuckers. Talk
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: about my new blonde, listen.
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: Be quiet before we take your phone and shit. So
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: if you don't mind me asking, how does, I want
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: to make sure. Were you standing too close to something? No,
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: how did you, what happened?
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: Fuck.
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: Sugar?
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: God, boy. Black people get your shit checked. Fuck. So
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: is it possible to change your diet and then come back? Doubtful.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: Okay, well hang in there, man. AI, you got, that's
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: a crazy level of confidence. I'm not even gonna fuck
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: with it. Because I don't know what I would do
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: if I woke up tomorrow and couldn't see a motherfucking thing.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: I'm here, I'm here, I see you. No, you don't.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: Whilst we're motivated, sir, you don't see me, and that's fine.
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: That's fine.
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: You are looking at the speaker. That's where my voice
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: is coming from. It ain't coming from over here. But
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: real shit, all jokes aside, that's a crazy. amount of
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: confidence to be like, I got this.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: I'm going to do this. That's awesome of you, Derrick.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: You're a real one. I love life, y'all. Yeah. That's
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: what's up. Fuck. We got to get out of that. Shit.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: Life don't stop.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: You can still smell and taste and hear and touch stuff,
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: so All of that. So you met on the internet.
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: What website was y'all on? Bumble. Bumble.
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: Why is that funny? It's just Bumble.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: Because that's how he get around the house now. Be
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: bumbling into everything. You ever get mad at him and
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: move the furniture? Say one more motherfucking thing to me.
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: I bet you don't know where the love seat is.
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: Bitch ass.
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: Woo.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: I like that. So y'all in love? Hell yeah. How
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: long y'all been dealing with each.
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: Other?
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: Five years going on six. And it's going to be forever?
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: Yep.
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: All right. You going to marry her?
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: Yep.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: Hell yeah. You already picked out the ring and shit?
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: Yep. You already got, has she seen? He said, I
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: got to see it first. It's going to be a while, baby. Darius,
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: that's hilarious. He said, I'm going to marry her when
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: I can see it. I like y'all, man.
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: You stick with him. You stick with her, baby. I'll
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: be all right.
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah.