Latest / Marriage Life and More and Bible Study / The 4 Lies and Levels of Everyday Intimacy (4 Laws of Love Series) - 222

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The 4 Lies and Levels of Everyday Intimacy (4 Laws of Love Series) - 222 · Marriage Life and More and Bible Study

• 0:05
  Daniel Moore: So I'm just going to put you on the spot.
• 0:07
  Daniel Moore: When we first talk about intimacy, what is the very first thing that pops into your mind?
• 0:14
  Michelle Moore: Sex.
• 0:15
  Daniel Moore: Okay, so that's probably what most people think about it, right?
• 0:18
  Daniel Moore: Probably so.
• 0:19
  Daniel Moore: I think that whenever we think about intimacy in marriage, for some reason that is the very first thing that pops up.
• 0:27
  Daniel Moore: Is you think about the sexual part of the relationship?
• 0:30
  Daniel Moore: So if someone says, hey, are you intimate in your marriage, but yet you know, if they don't really have much sex in their marriage or have that kind of relationship, they may really be inclined to say no.
• 0:42
  Daniel Moore: But in all reality, intimacy isn't just about sex.
• 0:46
  Daniel Moore: This week, on Marriage Life More, we are going to be talking about everyday intimacy as we continue our study on the four laws of love and we're going through the law of purity.
• 0:59
  Daniel Moore: We'll get back into that right after this.
• 1:37
  Daniel Moore: Welcome to Marriage Life More.
• 1:39
  Daniel Moore: This is a podcast about marriage, bible and book studies.
• 1:42
  Daniel Moore: We also do interviews with people that have inspiring stories.
• 1:44
  Daniel Moore: I'm Daniel Moore, your host, and of course, I've got Michelle Moore, my wife, here helping me to host this episode.
• 1:50
  Daniel Moore: Thank you, guys, for joining us this week.
• 1:52
  Daniel Moore: If you're not familiar with our show, check out our website, and that's at marriagelifeandmoorecom For all of our platforms.
• 1:58
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• 2:00
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• 2:06
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• 2:08
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• 2:10
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• 2:15
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• 2:19
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• 2:24
  Daniel Moore: That's your way to be a part of this ministry here at Connecting the Gap and Marriage Life and More Well.
• 2:31
  Daniel Moore: As we are starting this week, we're getting close to finishing up the study that we've been doing on the four laws of love.
• 2:37
  Daniel Moore: We're in the last law at this point the law of purity.
• 2:40
  Daniel Moore: We've got just a couple episodes left here.
• 2:43
  Daniel Moore: This week we're talking about everyday intimacy.
• 2:46
  Daniel Moore: As we continue this study here on Marriage Life and more, there are two topics that the majority of people respond to the most fervently passion and intimacy.
• 3:08
  Daniel Moore: No one wants to be in a passionless relationship with no sense of closeness.
• 3:13
  Daniel Moore: The dream we all have is to be married to our lover and our best friend.
• 3:17
  Daniel Moore: That dream can come true if we will just understand the truth about intimacy and put it into practice.
• 3:25
  Daniel Moore: To help us do this this week we're going to begin by helping you understand four common lies people believe about intimacy.
• 3:34
  Daniel Moore: So I'm just going to put you on the spot.
• 3:37
  Daniel Moore: When we first talk about intimacy, what is the very first thing that pops into your mind?
• 3:44
  Michelle Moore: Sex.
• 3:47
  Daniel Moore: Okay, so that's probably what most people think about it, right?
• 3:49
  Daniel Moore: Probably so.
• 3:49
  Daniel Moore: I think that whenever we think about intimacy in marriage, for some reason that is the very first thing that pops up.
• 3:57
  Daniel Moore: Is you think about the sexual part of the relationship.
• 4:01
  Daniel Moore: So if someone says, hey, are you intimate in your marriage, but yet you know, if they don't really have much sex in their marriage or have that kind of relationship, they may really be inclined to say no.
• 4:12
  Daniel Moore: But in all reality, intimacy isn't just about sex.
• 4:16
  Daniel Moore: There's actually some misunderstandings about what intimacy really means.
• 4:22
  Daniel Moore: It actually has a broader scope of reality when it comes to the marriage, and so this week we're going to try to debunk some of that.
• 4:31
  Daniel Moore: There's actually four lies of intimacy that we're going to talk about, and I'm going to go ahead here.
• 4:37
  Daniel Moore: Michelle's going to start with the first one here of the four lies of intimacy.
• 4:44
  Michelle Moore: So the first one is sex is intimacy.
• 4:48
  Michelle Moore: The misconception about intimacy is the number one lie that has caused untold damage to numerous marriages.
• 4:56
  Michelle Moore: Believing that sex equates to intimacy leads people to think the more sexual activity they engage in, the more intimate their relationship will be.
• 5:06
  Michelle Moore: However, this belief is simply not true, as we will explain later in this episode, intimacy encompasses four dimensions of levels, with physical intimacy representing only one aspect.
• 5:22
  Michelle Moore: In essence, sex accounts for just a quarter of true intimacy.
• 5:28
  Michelle Moore: Disregarding the remaining three quarters of the equation hinders success in cultivating genuine love and connection.
• 5:36
  Michelle Moore: Many individuals and couples struggle because they focus solely on the physical aspect, failing to recognize the importance of the other dimensions of intimacy as designed by God.
• 5:50
  Michelle Moore: As a result, they feel empty and devoid of passion.
• 5:56
  Michelle Moore: A businessman once said that before he got married, he was a traveling salesman.
• 6:00
  Michelle Moore: He said that it was common for him to conclude his day of work by going to the hotel bar for drinks.
• 6:07
  Michelle Moore: He said that almost every evening he would meet a new woman and end up having sex with her for a one-night stand.
• 6:14
  Michelle Moore: He concluded his confession with this remark everyone thinks that if you have sex like that, you will be happy, but no one tells you, it costs you your soul.
• 6:26
  Michelle Moore: I stopped sleeping around because it made me feel empty and depressed.
• 6:31
  Michelle Moore: Many people who watch pornography, and may even be addicted to it, are seeking genuine intimacy and attempting to address a void in their lives.
• 6:42
  Michelle Moore: However, relying on pornographic content or engaging in promiscuous behavior will ultimately not lead to success.
• 6:51
  Michelle Moore: Strain from God's intended plan hinders progress, resulting in the need for increasingly more sexual encounters that provide diminishing excitement.
• 7:03
  Michelle Moore: This ultimately leads to an endless and unfulfilling cycle.
• 7:08
  Daniel Moore: Okay.
• 7:08
  Daniel Moore: So what we're getting here from what you've been reading, is that lie, that sex is all that's intimate basically and that if you have sex, it will fulfill your life's desires and make you a very happy person.
• 7:26
  Daniel Moore: And yes, we do believe that sex, when it's done in the right context, when it's done in the marriage like it's supposed to be done and it becomes a part or a portion of the marriage, like it's supposed to be, it can create happiness.
• 7:45
  Michelle Moore: Yes.
• 7:46
  Daniel Moore: And it can help you be fulfilled, but when it comes down to reality, sex isn't the only thing that creates intimacy in our life.
• 7:56
  Michelle Moore: That's right.
• 7:57
  Daniel Moore: And with these two scenarios that you gave.
• 7:59
  Daniel Moore: I know that.
• 8:00
  Daniel Moore: You know pornography is a big one these days.
• 8:02
  Daniel Moore: It's just a huge addiction that a lot of people fight on a daily basis and a lot of people try to replace that part of the intimacy of their relationship.
• 8:13
  Daniel Moore: If they're lacking that in their marriage, they replace that with the pornography.
• 8:18
  Daniel Moore: But yet it's not a personal type of intimacy, so it's not fulfilling and it just leaves a void there that creates more and more anxiety and stress in their life and it's sin.
• 8:29
  Daniel Moore: I mean, that's the biggest problem with it.
• 8:31
  Daniel Moore: And then the story there about the businessman.
• 8:34
  Daniel Moore: You know he said that when he traveled around he would go to the bar and sleep with a lot of women.
• 8:39
  Daniel Moore: Well, at some point there he realized that what he was doing was literally destroying his soul.
• 8:47
  Daniel Moore: I mean the very inner portion of who he was.
• 8:49
  Daniel Moore: It was completely destroying that part of him, yep, and he was getting more depressed and empty.
• 8:55
  Daniel Moore: And so when people sit here and they think well for me to just have the fullness of intimacy in my life, I'm just going to get that from sex.
• 9:06
  Aria: Yeah.
• 9:06
  Daniel Moore: From wherever it may come from.
• 9:07
  Daniel Moore: That's not really the case For me to just have the fullness of intimacy in my life.
• 9:10
  Daniel Moore: I'm just going to get that from sex, yeah, from wherever it may come from.
• 9:13
  Daniel Moore: That's not really the case.
• 9:14
  Daniel Moore: No, that's not how that's going to work.
• 9:14
  Daniel Moore: And especially a lot of times, if you're having sex outside of marriage, that makes it even worse, because we know that intimacy through sex can only be fully realized when it's with someone that you truly love and it's someone that you truly want to be with and share that with.
• 9:30
  Daniel Moore: And so when you're just having these one night affairs or maybe you date a lot and you have a new girlfriend or boyfriend once a month, or however that may be in your life the more that you sleep with those people, the more unfulfilling it becomes.
• 9:48
  Aria: Yeah.
• 9:48
  Daniel Moore: Because that's not really what life is all about.
• 9:51
  Michelle Moore: No.
• 9:52
  Daniel Moore: So sex at this point then must be just one dimension, correct?
• 9:57
  Aria: Yes.
• 9:57
  Daniel Moore: Yep, yep.
• 9:58
  Daniel Moore: So that's where this comes in, that it's just one dimension of our intimacy, and it's only satisfying when other elements are present.
• 10:05
  Daniel Moore: So it can't be just that alone.
• 10:07
  Aria: Yeah.
• 10:08
  Daniel Moore: So this is the first truth that we have to debunk when it comes to the four lies of intimacy.
• 10:13
  Daniel Moore: The second is intimacy is automatic when you marry the right person.
• 10:17
  Daniel Moore: We refer to this as the soulmate myth.
• 10:21
  Daniel Moore: Oh, that's good Many individuals believe that marrying their perfect soulmate guarantees a lifetime of happiness.
• 10:27
  Daniel Moore: However, as we have discussed in some of the previous episodes here, in the Law of Pursuit, maintaining a fulfilling and intimate marriage requires effort and dedication.
• 10:36
  Daniel Moore: No individual or couple possesses inherent advantages when it comes to achieving genuine intimacy and happiness in a marriage.
• 10:44
  Daniel Moore: The purpose of this whole study that we've been going through is to help all of you comprehend the universal laws of love that foster security and success in our marriages.
• 10:53
  Daniel Moore: Success is derived from understanding and implementing God's love and honoring His design for us, rather than relying on factors such as chemistry, attractiveness, wealth or any other external elements.
• 11:07
  Daniel Moore: So, with Michelle and I, I think it's pretty obvious with our testimony that we've given.
• 11:14
  Daniel Moore: We both came into our marriage with rose-colored glasses.
• 11:18
  Aria: Yes, we did.
• 11:20
  Daniel Moore: I mean, we both thought that, hey, we're marrying my best friend, this person's not going to ever do anything to compromise how we feel about each other.
• 11:28
  Daniel Moore: We had it on our pedestals.
• 11:32
  Daniel Moore: You know just all this stuff, and you for sure have stated that when stuff started crumbling that you were just shocked because you never expected that to happen with me of all people.
• 11:45
  Daniel Moore: And so when, if someone is dating right now and they're engaged and they have this person on a pedestal, what would you say to that person from your aspect of it?
• 11:58
  Daniel Moore: Since you've kind of walked that, what advice would you give them, coming up to being married, to maybe be a little bit more careful with doing that?
• 12:07
  Michelle Moore: Well, one don't ever put anybody on a pedestal.
• 12:10
  Michelle Moore: I mean, that's where I was wrong in the first part of it.
• 12:15
  Michelle Moore: I mean I did put you on a pedestal, not expecting you to make mistakes, knowing that you should never put someone on a pedestal.
• 12:21
  Michelle Moore: But my advice is people are going to make mistakes, you know, talk it out, work it out and definitely, you know, put God first.
• 12:32
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, you can't come into the relationship thinking it's going to be perfect right off the bat.
• 12:36
  Daniel Moore: That's just.
• 12:37
  Daniel Moore: I don't know of a marriage I've never talked to anybody.
• 12:41
  Daniel Moore: There may be one out there, I don't know.
• 12:44
  Daniel Moore: But I have never in my whole lifetime ever talked to someone that came into a marriage and just immediately it was the perfect thing until the day they died and they had the most happiness ever.
• 12:55
  Michelle Moore: Well, I think there's marriages out there.
• 12:57
  Michelle Moore: I mean I definitely feel like are they going to have their ups and downs?
• 13:01
  Michelle Moore: Yes, because there's a lot of Christian couples I feel like have great marriages all from the time because they put God in the center.
• 13:09
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, and they've.
• 13:11
  Daniel Moore: I mean I and they work at it.
• 13:12
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, it's not.
• 13:14
  Michelle Moore: They went about it in the right way.
• 13:17
  Michelle Moore: I mean, I can think of several different people that actually have had a really good marriage and when you ask them, like you know, did you have fights?
• 13:26
  Michelle Moore: Well, yeah, they're going to have small disagreements, but nothing like kind of what we walk through, and I think it's because God is the foundation.
• 13:34
  Daniel Moore: So I think the concept here is it's not automatic, though, because they still have to work at it.
• 13:40
  Michelle Moore: Oh, I think any marriage has to work at it.
• 13:42
  Daniel Moore: No, matter what marriage you have, you can't just sit there and just cruise through it and never have to do anything and it just be automatic.
• 13:48
  Michelle Moore: You have to give 100% on both sides, right, absolutely.
• 13:52
  Daniel Moore: And so that marriage may not end up as bad as ours did.
• 13:55
  Daniel Moore: But that's because they worked at it harder.
• 13:57
  Daniel Moore: They wanted to make sure that everything it didn't just fall in their lap and everything was great and hunky-dory till the end of it.
• 14:03
  Daniel Moore: It didn't just fall in their lap and everything was great and hunky-dory until the end of it.
• 14:06
  Daniel Moore: So if you believe that intimacy is going to naturally occur when you marry the perfect person, you're setting yourself up for possible disappointment and failure.
• 14:13
  Daniel Moore: And this is because when there are days where you do not feel like you're connected to your spouse, the devil's going to come in once again and he's going to tempt you with thoughts like you made a mistake, you're not the right one, they're not the right one for you.
• 14:33
  Daniel Moore: You should go find somebody else.
• 14:34
  Daniel Moore: I think there's times in our marriage that we both thought that kind of stuff yeah.
• 14:36
  Daniel Moore: And Satan was planning those seeds in there, because anytime I was mad at you or our marriage was failing, that's the first thing that started popping up is, you know, did we really make a mistake here?
• 14:47
  Daniel Moore: You know, did we really not read this right?
• 14:50
  Daniel Moore: Was there really somebody else out there?
• 14:52
  Daniel Moore: And here we are again in a marriage that wasn't meant to be, that God didn't ordain, or you know, satan's going to throw all that stuff in there and he's going to start causing all that doubt and everything else to come up, and we know where that can take you.
• 15:06
  Daniel Moore: I mean, it can totally destroy a good thing.
• 15:09
  Daniel Moore: It can destroy a God thing if you're not careful.
• 15:14
  Daniel Moore: So true intimacy is a result of doing the right thing, not simply feeling the right thing.
• 15:19
  Daniel Moore: Being married to your spouse indicates that you share enough common ground to create the happiness and the success that you desire.
• 15:25
  Daniel Moore: So again, me and you is not exactly identical.
• 15:28
  Daniel Moore: We have our differences, but we have enough common ground there between the two of us that we can make it work, and then those differences balance each other out, right, right.
• 15:37
  Daniel Moore: That's the beautiful things about us that are different.
• 15:40
  Daniel Moore: The third lie is intimacy is for certain types of people, but not for everyone, and I think there's probably some people that are married out there right now that really believe this, because they've gotten into a bad marriage and haven't figured out how to fix it and so they're starting to fall into that lie that well, I guess this is the marriage God had for me.
• 16:00
  Daniel Moore: You know there's I don't see any other way around it.
• 16:03
  Daniel Moore: I'm not getting divorced, but I'm going to accept what I'm in.
• 16:06
  Daniel Moore: But this must not have really been for me.
• 16:08
  Daniel Moore: You know that that couple over there they've got it going on and they're all happy and that's their thing.
• 16:13
  Daniel Moore: But that's not my thing.
• 16:14
  Daniel Moore: But that's not true.
• 16:17
  Daniel Moore: Our inherent need to love is the fundamental aspect of our creation by God.
• 16:21
  Daniel Moore: It's a universal longing shared by individuals of all genders and ages.
• 16:25
  Daniel Moore: Marriage provides us with the chance to express our love for another person in the most profound and fulfilling way possible.
• 16:32
  Daniel Moore: Intimate love is something that resonates with everyone.
• 16:35
  Daniel Moore: Back in episode 208, it was an earlier episode of this study we discussed romance, similar to the misconceptions surrounding intimacy.
• 16:45
  Daniel Moore: Many believe that romance is primarily for women, but that's not accurate.
• 16:49
  Daniel Moore: Men require romance just as much as women do, and they benefit from it daily.
• 16:53
  Daniel Moore: Albeit, we benefit from it in a different manner than say you do you see romance differently than I do, but we both need it and it's an everyday need for both of us, not just a few.
• 17:05
  Daniel Moore: God created all of us on the same level playing.
• 17:07
  Daniel Moore: He did not pick and choose people and say, okay, you're going to have this much intimacy in your relationship, you're going to hate your relationship, you're going to love your relationship.
• 17:17
  Daniel Moore: That's not God Right.
• 17:18
  Daniel Moore: God did not do that.
• 17:19
  Daniel Moore: No, and I think that, from Michelle and I's experience, we created our own issues.
• 17:24
  Daniel Moore: We created the problems that we had in our marriage.
• 17:27
  Daniel Moore: It had nothing to do with God.
• 17:28
  Daniel Moore: We made bad choices and did things that we shouldn't have, and so that's pretty much where that one's at.
• 17:35
  Daniel Moore: So don't believe, if you're the one that's in that situation, don't believe, that you deserve this and this is just the way God created it.
• 17:42
  Daniel Moore: You both need to start figuring out how to fix your problem Right, because you both deserve to love each other to the fullest extent of what God has created you to.
• 17:51
  Daniel Moore: So.
• 17:52
  Daniel Moore: Number four Once a certain amount of damage has been done in a marriage, it is impossible to restore the intimacy.
• 18:01
  Daniel Moore: This is the fourth lie of intimacy.
• 18:08
  Michelle Moore: So go ahead and start that one there.
• 18:09
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, our marriage is a testament to the belief that nothing is impossible with God.
• 18:12
  Michelle Moore: Through His miraculous intervention, our marriage was restored, and we have witnessed others experience the same grace.
• 18:21
  Michelle Moore: Engaging in regular conversations with couples, we often hear stories of marriages on the brink of collapse or even legally dissolved, only for God to mend their relationship.
• 18:33
  Michelle Moore: When Jesus hung on the cross, he forgave the people who put him there.
• 18:38
  Michelle Moore: Not only that, he stated the reason he was forgiving them.
• 18:42
  Michelle Moore: Here's what he said.
• 18:44
  Michelle Moore: He stated the reason he was forgiving them.
• 18:45
  Michelle Moore: Here's what he said.
• 18:46
  Michelle Moore: Then Jesus said Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.
• 18:51
  Michelle Moore: Luke 6, 34.
• 18:53
  Michelle Moore: Jesus knew the people who killed him didn't know what they were doing.
• 18:58
  Michelle Moore: It didn't make crucifying him all right, but it made it forgivable.
• 19:03
  Daniel Moore: So our marriage is definitely a testament to this.
• 19:07
  Daniel Moore: Now there's a couple that we know and I'm not going to say any names, I don't think they would mind, just using their testimony but they actually got divorced and then got remarried again.
• 19:19
  Daniel Moore: They actually attend church with us.
• 19:25
  Daniel Moore: And I think that's awesome because so you and I never got divorced.
• 19:28
  Daniel Moore: No, we fixed the problem before it happened.
• 19:30
  Daniel Moore: But imagine, getting divorced from someone gets that bad, but then God brings you back together.
• 19:37
  Daniel Moore: You would think that well, if you lost that intimacy with that first relationship and you literally got to the point you got divorced?
• 19:45
  Daniel Moore: In our finite minds it seems like that would be impossible to get that intimacy or even want to be with that person again.
• 19:52
  Daniel Moore: But somehow God fixed all of that.
• 19:55
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 19:56
  Daniel Moore: And created a whole new scenario for them, just like he created for us, absolutely.
• 20:01
  Daniel Moore: And so I think, and probably people you know, you guys that are listening you may know couples like this.
• 20:07
  Daniel Moore: You know the couple that we're talking about.
• 20:09
  Daniel Moore: That's not the only couple that I've ever came across that got remarried again after they got divorced, and you know God is in the restoration business, and so it doesn't matter how much damage has been done and there are some marriages out there that have had some severe damage done, even abusive stuff.
• 20:29
  Daniel Moore: I mean you can go to the extremes of what could happen in a marriage.
• 20:34
  Daniel Moore: That would make you just literally hate somebody to the core but it doesn't mean that God can't fix that.
• 20:40
  Daniel Moore: That's right.
• 20:41
  Daniel Moore: He can fix anything, and you know people don't mess up their marriages intentionally or because they're bad people.
• 20:47
  Daniel Moore: They mess up because they don't know any better.
• 20:50
  Daniel Moore: Who teaches us about marriage?
• 20:51
  Daniel Moore: When we were growing up?
• 20:52
  Daniel Moore: You know how many classes did they teach in schools or universities on the subject?
• 20:56
  Daniel Moore: Few of us had good role models when we were growing up, either because, you know, our parents in a lot of ways weren't really good role models in that either and so that's why studies like this are so important, or reading good marriage material from Christian authors that are well-versed and educated in this kind of thing, that deal with marriages on a daily basis.
• 21:18
  Daniel Moore: They see so many things and they understand how to bring the Bible into that equation, and so it's very important for marriages, I think, to make sure that you stay up current with what's going on in your marriage how to fix things biblically using books or studies or whatever it may be to help you better understand in your marriage.
• 21:36
  Daniel Moore: How to fix things biblically using books or studies or whatever it may be to help you better understand where your marriage is at.
• 21:40
  Daniel Moore: So, now that we've exposed the four common lies about intimacy, we're going to talk about four levels of intimacy that we referred to earlier when we started this episode.
• 21:56
  Daniel Moore: When we started this episode, in response to the scribe's question as to what the greatest commandment was, here's how Jesus answered that.
• 22:06
  Daniel Moore: Jesus answered and said the first of all commandments is Hear O Israel, the Lord, our God.
• 22:11
  Daniel Moore: The Lord is one.
• 22:12
  Daniel Moore: You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind and your strength.
• 22:18
  Daniel Moore: This is the first commandment.
• 22:22
  Daniel Moore: So Jesus' response here reveals the truth that there are four different levels of love.
• 22:27
  Daniel Moore: Did you realize that your heart, which is your spirit, your soul, which is your will and emotions, your mind and body were primarily created by God to love him?
• 22:39
  Daniel Moore: That is truth.
• 22:42
  Daniel Moore: Love isn't just experienced on an emotional level.
• 22:44
  Daniel Moore: It is experienced on four different levels, and that is why Jesus responded to the scribe's question as he did.
• 22:51
  Daniel Moore: The same is true of the intimate love experienced by a married couple.
• 22:56
  Daniel Moore: It is four-dimensional it's spiritual, it's emotional, it's mental and it's physical.
• 23:01
  Daniel Moore: This is why we stated at the beginning of this episode that sex is only one dimension of that intimacy, and we're going to continue now to go into further detail about each level of intimacy so that we can help you understand how to achieve and maintain them.
• 23:17
  Daniel Moore: So, michelle, I'm going to have you start here with the first one of the four levels of intimacy.
• 23:24
  Michelle Moore: The first one is spiritual intimacy.
• 23:26
  Michelle Moore: When Jesus said we were to love God with all of our hearts, he was referring to the dimension of our lives where he resides and communes with us.
• 23:36
  Michelle Moore: Considering the following verse of Scripture Because of Adam's and Eve's sins, the human race died spiritually.
• 23:56
  Michelle Moore: We are all born with dead spirits that cannot commune with God unless they are regenerated.
• 24:02
  Michelle Moore: That is what is commonly called being born again.
• 24:06
  Michelle Moore: This is an important text of scripture to help you understand this.
• 24:10
  Michelle Moore: Jesus answered and said to him.
• 24:13
  Michelle Moore: Jesus answered and Most assuredly I say to you unless one is born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God.
• 24:42
  Michelle Moore: That which is born of the flesh is flesh and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.
• 24:49
  Michelle Moore: Do not marvel that I said to you.
• 24:52
  Michelle Moore: 3, verses 3-7.
• 25:00
  Michelle Moore: Being born again means we ask Jesus to forgive us of our sins and come into our hearts and to be our Lord and Savior.
• 25:07
  Michelle Moore: Here's a scripture from the book of Romans that explains how it occurs.
• 25:13
  Michelle Moore: But what does it say?
• 25:15
  Michelle Moore: The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart.
• 25:19
  Michelle Moore: That is the word of faith which we preach that if you confess with your mouth Lord Jesus, and believe in your heart that God has raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
• 25:31
  Michelle Moore: For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation, and that's found in Romans 10, 8 through 10.
• 25:42
  Michelle Moore: The word salvation is synonymous with the phrase born again.
• 25:46
  Michelle Moore: It means that we put our faith in Jesus and believe his death on the cross paid for our sins.
• 25:53
  Michelle Moore: His death on the cross paid for our sins.
• 25:55
  Michelle Moore: Now, as an act of grace, we can be forgiven of all of our sins and receive the gift of eternal life.
• 26:01
  Michelle Moore: Also, once we are saved, the Spirit of God enters into us and regenerates our dead spirits, and we are thus born again.
• 26:15
  Daniel Moore: Okay, so the first one here, then spiritual intimacy.
• 26:17
  Daniel Moore: So this brings us back to the fact that intimacy isn't just a human thing, it's not just something that we, you know when we look at it.
• 26:24
  Daniel Moore: It's just sex.
• 26:25
  Daniel Moore: Who does that benefit?
• 26:28
  Daniel Moore: That benefits me and you, or the couple, and that's not the fullness of what intimacy is all about.
• 26:35
  Daniel Moore: And that's not the fullness of what intimacy is all about.
• 26:42
  Daniel Moore: And I think that whenever we have and you'll hear people talk a lot about having that intimate relationship with God.
• 26:45
  Daniel Moore: That does shine a whole new light on the fact that there is more to this intimacy thing in our life than just looking at the physical intimacy thing in our life, than just looking at the physical.
• 26:57
  Daniel Moore: So if we don't have that intimate relationship with Christ, I think that that can carry over into our physical side and can make it not be as good.
• 27:05
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, so I think you can vouch for this as well.
• 27:09
  Daniel Moore: So when we were having our issues, when we were in our marriage and everything, until we got back with God like we should be and got our lives back where it was supposed to be, with our relationship with Him, do you feel like that was the turning point for our marriage?
• 27:28
  Daniel Moore: When that happened, do you feel like before we did that, our marriage was pretty rotten at that point.
• 27:33
  Daniel Moore: Then, when we finally gave our lives back to Christ, how did that change?
• 27:38
  Michelle Moore: I feel like after I rededicated my life with Christ, my eyes were set on Him and from there he changed me, which changed our marriage.
• 27:53
  Daniel Moore: Or let me say he changed the outlook on our marriage.
• 27:54
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, or let me say he changed the outlook on our marriage.
• 27:56
  Daniel Moore: Right.
• 27:57
  Daniel Moore: So the day that I gave my life to Jesus, I experienced firsthand the incredible reality of what being born again means, just like Michelle just said.
• 28:05
  Daniel Moore: Immediately I felt different and better on the inside, and it's something that's hard to describe, but the best way that I can try is to compare being born again to being shot in the chest with a syringe full of inner life and fulfillment.
• 28:17
  Daniel Moore: The emptiness I had wrestled with for years was instantly filled with God's love and life that I'd never known.
• 28:24
  Daniel Moore: And that was over 35 years ago, and it's still occurring every minute of every day in my life and has revolutionized everything about me, has revolutionized everything about me.
• 28:36
  Daniel Moore: So, going into our marriage, even though you and I were both saved, we both, you know, believed in God and tried to keep Him in our life.
• 28:44
  Daniel Moore: To an extent, I don't think we were really where we needed to be at all.
• 28:48
  Daniel Moore: We didn't experience spiritual intimacy for the first several years of our marriage.
• 28:52
  Daniel Moore: You know we went to church regularly and we were part of church leadership in different areas, but as a couple we didn't know that there was any such thing as spiritual intimacy or how to achieve it.
• 29:02
  Daniel Moore: We just had kind of put that to the side.
• 29:04
  Daniel Moore: At that point, after the Lord saved our marriage, we began praying more deeply, sometimes together, and definitely on a more regular basis.
• 29:12
  Daniel Moore: It was a transforming experience and I can tell you this truth from experience Spiritual intimacy is the deepest intimacy that is possible in a marriage and it benefits all other levels of intimacy.
• 29:24
  Daniel Moore: So any other intimacy that we have in our life, regardless of what it is, there's nothing that trumps that spiritual relationship with God.
• 29:34
  Daniel Moore: That is the very first thing that actually transforms us and should transform us into who we are from that day forward.
• 29:43
  Daniel Moore: So a couple examples here.
• 29:45
  Daniel Moore: First, when you pray, god gives you a peace about things that you otherwise worry or even fight about.
• 29:50
  Daniel Moore: And here's what Paul wrote about that Be anxious for nothing, but in everything.
• 29:54
  Daniel Moore: By prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds to Christ Jesus.
• 30:03
  Daniel Moore: That's in Philippians 4.
• 30:06
  Daniel Moore: Anxiety isn't a condition, it's a choice.
• 30:08
  Daniel Moore: When we choose not to pray, we have chosen to worry instead, and that worry consumes emotional energy and causes tension in our marriage.
• 30:17
  Daniel Moore: But when we pray, instead of worrying, we are promised a profound peace that guards our hearts and minds.
• 30:24
  Daniel Moore: We have a promise in the Bible with that, and so anytime that we allow ourselves to be anxious and worry about things, we have not put into play the fact that if we pray about it, god will give us a peace in all of that and He'll come alongside us and help us through that.
• 30:39
  Daniel Moore: Secondly, we also must realize that spiritual intimacy improves our sex lives.
• 30:45
  Daniel Moore: Dr Gary and Barb Rosberg wrote a book called the Five Sex Needs of Men and Women.
• 30:49
  Daniel Moore: According to their research into the subject, spiritual intimacy is the fourth sex need of women.
• 30:55
  Daniel Moore: Women want their husbands to be the spiritual leaders of their homes and to pray with them.
• 31:00
  Daniel Moore: Praying together as a couple invites God into the relationship.
• 31:04
  Daniel Moore: So, if you remember, this section of the study is all about the law of purity.
• 31:08
  Daniel Moore: When sin enters a marriage relationship, what does it do?
• 31:12
  Daniel Moore: It kills intimacy.
• 31:15
  Daniel Moore: When God is invited into a marriage, the Holy Spirit, or the spirit of ultimate purity, comes into the relationship, and that is something that women need to relax and enjoy sex.
• 31:27
  Daniel Moore: It is also something that God blesses and causes true sexual intimacy to occur as a result.
• 31:34
  Daniel Moore: So make sure, above everything, if you're really trying to strive for this intimacy in marriage, the first thing you need to go after is your spiritual intimacy with God so good.
• 31:45
  Daniel Moore: That fixes so many things on so many levels.
• 31:47
  Daniel Moore: Then all of these other intimacies that are past, that will fall into place as we do it the biblical way.
• 31:54
  Daniel Moore: So the second one is emotional intimacy.
• 31:58
  Daniel Moore: God told us to love God with all of our souls.
• 32:02
  Daniel Moore: Your soul is the seat of your will and emotions.
• 32:05
  Daniel Moore: Emotional intimacy occurs as we are free to share our feelings with each other.
• 32:10
  Daniel Moore: In the Garden of Eden, god created Adam and Eve naked and without shame.
• 32:15
  Daniel Moore: Their nakedness was not physical only, it was spiritual, emotional and mental.
• 32:22
  Daniel Moore: Adam and Eve were able to freely share their emotions with each other without holding anything back and without anything to hold them back.
• 32:29
  Daniel Moore: That is how God designed for marriage to operate and it's essential for intimacy to occur.
• 32:37
  Daniel Moore: You know, you and I had very little emotional intimacy in some of the early parts in our marriage because of three reasons.
• 32:43
  Daniel Moore: Number one, I wouldn't share many of my true emotions with you.
• 32:47
  Daniel Moore: Secondly, I rejected your differences and the emotions that came with them.
• 32:52
  Daniel Moore: And third, I was dominant with important issues that affected us both and then you shut down emotionally as a result, such as me getting fixed, for instance.
• 33:03
  Daniel Moore: There were some things that I did, that I forced upon you, which then you reacted in the only way you knew how, and that was for you to shut down and keep me out at that point.
• 33:14
  Daniel Moore: So then both of us are falling subject to the issue of keeping each other out of each other's equations at that point.
• 33:23
  Daniel Moore: Well, today we have wonderful emotional intimacy and we have had for many years now and we achieved this by removing those three things that I just listed.
• 33:31
  Daniel Moore: First of all, I share openly with you and realize it is an important need for you.
• 33:37
  Daniel Moore: We also celebrate each other's differences and know that we are each other's safe place to share anything that one's really important.
• 33:45
  Daniel Moore: We are equal partners, and I'm careful with my words as well as being verbally affectionate, so I try to compliment you as much as possible, and you're always complimenting me.
• 33:56
  Daniel Moore: The way that we handle our conversation has even changed in a lot of different areas, so there's a lot to being said these days about being soulmates.
• 34:04
  Daniel Moore: Once you understand the true meaning of the word soul, you could exchange the phrase soulmate with this one emotionmate.
• 34:11
  Daniel Moore: Your true soulmate isn't someone out in the world that is the only person God created for you.
• 34:17
  Daniel Moore: Your true soulmate is the wife or husband you choose to open up with emotionally and share your soul.
• 34:24
  Daniel Moore: That's good.
• 34:25
  Daniel Moore: You must cultivate emotional openness in your relationship in order to build this level of intimacy.
• 34:30
  Daniel Moore: Allow your spouse to share their feelings without judgment or rejection.
• 34:34
  Daniel Moore: Celebrate honesty as long as it's done in love, and share your feelings every day.
• 34:39
  Daniel Moore: Communication doesn't just mean sharing facts.
• 34:42
  Daniel Moore: It also means sharing your feelings.
• 34:45
  Michelle Moore: So good.
• 34:45
  Daniel Moore: The results of this is emotional intimacy.
• 34:48
  Daniel Moore: So this one here is definitely one that can break down a marriage real quick If it's not handled the correct way.
• 34:56
  Daniel Moore: And because how important is it for you for me to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with you?
• 35:06
  Michelle Moore: For me it's extremely important because I know what's going on with you and you feel safe telling me everything and it's being a part of your life, and that communication, if you're sharing everything with me, lets me know that you trust me, you love me and you're here for the long haul.
• 35:29
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, and I mirror that.
• 35:31
  Michelle Moore: Yeah.
• 35:32
  Daniel Moore: I mean, I'm not a over-emotional type of person, necessarily just in the aspects of the Word, but that safety that I have in being able to express to you and open up to you is the world to me, because I don't have to hold it inside and let it build up and whatever.
• 35:50
  Daniel Moore: I know that at this point in our marriage we can both discuss things, whether if it's hard things or if it's easy things, it doesn't matter.
• 35:58
  Daniel Moore: We can now openly discuss those things between each other without the worry that you know one of us is going to get infuriated at the other one as soon as we start talking about it.
• 36:07
  Daniel Moore: We both know the importance of working through that emotionally and to have that security there, to build that intimacy between both of us so that we have those safe spaces.
• 36:16
  Daniel Moore: And so I'm truly thankful for how God has changed that for us, because we've mentioned several times in this series that we considered ourselves soulmates, so this has came up multiple times.
• 36:30
  Michelle Moore: Very interesting, how that is.
• 36:32
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, but in all reality I like the definition here of soulmate as far as being.
• 36:37
  Daniel Moore: It's not, because a lot of times when we do say soulmate, we do think of it in the aspect that this is who God put in my life.
• 36:44
  Daniel Moore: That's the only thing we really associate that with.
• 36:46
  Daniel Moore: But in all reality a true soulmate means that you're that person that I can bear my soul to.
• 36:52
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, and what is my soul?
• 36:54
  Daniel Moore: That's my very innermost being and core of who I really am.
• 36:57
  Michelle Moore: So good.
• 37:02
  Daniel Moore: And so if I can actually open my soul up and share it with you in a safe manner, knowing that I'm not going to get any repercussion back from that as we work through things and vice versa, that's a true soulmate and that's when you truly know that you're with that person, that God has placed you with, yeah, and he's gave you the ability to open up like that, yeah.
• 37:17
  Daniel Moore: The third one is mental intimacy, and, Michelle, go ahead and share that one with us.
• 37:24
  Michelle Moore: Jesus instructed us to love God with all our minds, urging us to use our intellect to know, seek, worship and follow him.
• 37:34
  Michelle Moore: This serves as the primary purpose for which God bestowed us with the gift of thought.
• 37:39
  Michelle Moore: Loving our spouse with our minds involves actively thinking about them, paying attention to them, understanding their preferences and dislikes, and engaging open communication with one another regularly.
• 37:54
  Michelle Moore: It necessitates creating a safe space where both partners are encouraged to be truthful and share thoughts without fear of judgment or alienation.
• 38:04
  Michelle Moore: While it is vital that our thoughts are constructive and not intended to cause harm or act in malice towards one another, it is inevitable that some thoughts may touch upon personal challenges or concerns within the marriage.
• 38:21
  Michelle Moore: Mental intimacy thrives when both individuals dedicate themselves to focusing on each other and openly exchanging thoughts in a transparent and candid manner.
• 38:33
  Michelle Moore: Cultivating an environment where there is an unrestricted access to each other's innermost thoughts is key in fostering mental intimacy.
• 38:43
  Daniel Moore: So if I'm thinking bad thoughts about you and I'm allowing Satan to come in and slander you in my thought processes, that pretty much demolishes the mental intimacy Correct At that point?
• 38:54
  Daniel Moore: And I really like you know how, when we started out, this thought here about the mental intimacy is.
• 39:02
  Daniel Moore: This involves actively thinking about you and focusing my attention on you and vice versa.
• 39:09
  Daniel Moore: So you know how.
• 39:11
  Daniel Moore: The Bible tells us to pray without ceasing.
• 39:14
  Aria: Yeah.
• 39:14
  Daniel Moore: They have that true intimate relationship with God.
• 39:18
  Daniel Moore: That's one of the processes and one of the steps that we have to cultivate on a daily basis to keep that communication open between us and God and to continually build that relationship.
• 39:29
  Daniel Moore: And a lot of our relationship with God is mental.
• 39:32
  Aria: Yeah.
• 39:32
  Daniel Moore: We live on faith, and so I think that plays over into the relationship with a husband and a wife.
• 39:38
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, so I think that plays over into the relationship with a husband and a wife?
• 39:40
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, because I know throughout the day I think a lot about you, even in the middle of all my work and that kind of thing.
• 39:46
  Daniel Moore: It seems like there's things that will happen just regularly.
• 39:49
  Daniel Moore: That will just kind of spur moments of thought about something you and I went through, yeah, or something that you and I experienced.
• 39:55
  Michelle Moore: No, I'd agree with that.
• 39:56
  Daniel Moore: Or whatever, or I'll look down and you send me an email.
• 40:01
  Michelle Moore: Or I send a stupid picture of myself working.
• 40:03
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, we tend to do that often.
• 40:06
  Michelle Moore: We don't have Snapchat, so we just text each other pictures.
• 40:09
  Daniel Moore: Showing off our sleep bags and our eyes because we don't want to be at work and we're exhausted.
• 40:14
  Daniel Moore: Yes, so that kind of thing is a healthy relationship.
• 40:34
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, yes, or your significant other is a part of that mental vibe that's going on all day long, along with God and the other things.
• 40:43
  Daniel Moore: Those are what's most important to you, the things that you think about, right?
• 40:46
  Daniel Moore: And so whenever it comes to the relationship, I think that you know we had to come to a point in our relationship where we had to mentally flip that switch to make sure that we concentrated on each other more than the things outside of us.
• 40:59
  Daniel Moore: Right, all of that stuff out there is distractions, and if we focus on those distractions, then it's going to, for sure, tear up the focus that we have on each other, and I feel that at one point we finally figured out how to flip that switch and quit doing that.
• 41:13
  Daniel Moore: And so a lot of times throughout the day, you know, my thoughts go to you just like your thoughts go to me, and that's a healthy way to be.
• 41:23
  Daniel Moore: And so that's the third part of intimacy is the mental intimacy.
• 41:28
  Daniel Moore: Now the fourth one is the one that everybody thinks about the physical intimacy.
• 41:34
  Daniel Moore: So this next episode that's coming up, we're going to actually be discussing the issue of sex, so we're not going to go into a lot of detail on this one, but we did save the best for last, I guess, if you could call it that.
• 41:49
  Daniel Moore: I do want to say that physical intimacy isn't just about the issue of sex.
• 41:53
  Daniel Moore: It's also about non-sexual affection, which is one of the women's most important needs.
• 41:59
  Daniel Moore: I also believe that it's very important for men as well, but demonstrating physical affection outside the bedroom setting is essential, not only for the sake of our marriages, but also for the benefit of our children, who are comforted in witnessing the love shared between their parents.
• 42:15
  Daniel Moore: Additionally, it is an opportunity to impart valuable lessons to them on how to treat their future spouses yeah, mental and physical levels.
• 42:36
  Daniel Moore: So, regardless of where you are currently standing in your marital journey, make sure that you don't lose hope.
• 42:43
  Daniel Moore: I think that with this physical intimacy thing, a lot of times we put this in a box Again when we first opened this episode up, I asked you, even being a woman.
• 42:55
  Daniel Moore: I asked you what the first thing was that you thought of when you heard the word intimacy and you pretty much answered it.
• 43:02
  Daniel Moore: Picture perfect with how 99% of the population probably would.
• 43:06
  Daniel Moore: Automatically your mind shifts to sex.
• 43:10
  Daniel Moore: But as we've seen here throughout all of these different levels of intimacy, sex isn't really one of the most important things in all of this.
• 43:19
  Daniel Moore: Even the physical intimacy side of things.
• 43:21
  Daniel Moore: That also includes stuff like when we're riding in the car, we'll hold hands, or I'll reach over and put my hand on your leg, or you'll reach over and do that to me.
• 43:31
  Daniel Moore: Or we're out walking into church or out on a walk in the park or whatever, we'll hold hands.
• 43:37
  Daniel Moore: When we're sitting in the living room watching TV, you know, sometimes we'll you know, lay across you might lay across put your head in their other's lap, or, you know you kiss each other before you leave and go to work.
• 43:51
  Daniel Moore: It's just there's so much involved that goes into that and that's a lot of the stuff that, as it mentioned here, that the kids see, and I know, michelle and I, as we went through our marriage with our kids, we probably weren't the greatest example of how to be physically intimate with each other as far as trying to teach our kids how to be intimate with their significant others, so I hope they do much better than us in the long run, as that comes along, but we spent a lot of our marriage at the first portion of it, mad at each other and in a bad way, and so we got to remember, though, that as our kids grow up, they're watching us and they want to see how we handle things.
• 44:34
  Daniel Moore: They for sure see how we treat each other and that is kind of the roadmap they use as they go into life with their spouses.
• 44:43
  Daniel Moore: And so we have to be super careful with how we handle all of that and make sure that on that physical intimacy side of things, that it's not just sequestered to the bedroom.
• 44:53
  Daniel Moore: We have to make sure that we express that outside of that as well.
• 44:57
  Daniel Moore: Anybody that knows Michelle and I, they should be able to tell, like if we're at church or if we're just out in public, wherever we may be.
• 45:06
  Daniel Moore: Anybody that knows us very well should know how we feel about each other just by the way we treat each other.
• 45:11
  Michelle Moore: Yeah, my eyes and everything should be set on you.
• 45:15
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, and so they should see us sometimes walking with our arms wrapped around each other.
• 45:21
  Daniel Moore: They should see us holding hands sometimes as we're walking through.
• 45:24
  Daniel Moore: They should see us give a hug if we're all going off separate directions like Michelle and I serve in different places in church sometimes, where sometimes we serve together, but then we have our places we serve separate, and a lot of times whenever we see each other for the last moment we go our separate ways We'll just give a quick hug or a quick kiss on the cheek or something like that.
• 45:45
  Daniel Moore: That's part of physical intimacy as well.
• 45:47
  Daniel Moore: This apart, so next week we will be talking about the sex and all of that part, because that is a huge, important part of a marriage relationship, no doubt about it.
• 46:07
  Daniel Moore: We have to nurture that as well and do all of that in the proper way, and sometimes issues can come up that can cause problems in those areas, and so we're going to discuss a lot of that next week on next week's episode.
• 46:19
  Daniel Moore: So make sure you're subscribed so you don't miss that.
• 46:24
  Michelle Moore: It's going to be a good one.
• 46:27
  Daniel Moore: But see, do you have anything to add to this week?
• 46:29
  Daniel Moore: No, before we close it out.
• 46:30
  Daniel Moore: So, as we leave this week, just strive to cultivate intimacy daily and make sure, when you do it, that you do it in encompassing all four of these dimensions.
• 46:41
  Daniel Moore: It's more than just sex.
• 46:43
  Daniel Moore: It's so much more.
• 46:45
  Daniel Moore: It reflects God's divine plan and the foundation on which marriage is built.
• 46:50
  Daniel Moore: And it just never ceases to amaze me how God went into such detail when he created all of this stuff.
• 46:58
  Daniel Moore: It's not just a simple one-way street.
• 47:01
  Daniel Moore: He created so many aspects to this relationship, and when you put all of those together in a godly, biblical way, it creates such a beautiful thing.
• 47:11
  Michelle Moore: It really does Such a fun thing yeah.
• 47:13
  Daniel Moore: And it can really make your life here on this earth super enjoyable if you just do it the correct way.
• 47:19
  Daniel Moore: Yeah, so, as I said, make sure you subscribe for next week's episode, if you haven't, so you don't miss it.
• 47:33
  Daniel Moore: We're going to be probably wrapping up this study next week, because that is the last segment.
• 47:39
  Daniel Moore: As long as we can get through that one segment and one episode.
• 47:43
  Daniel Moore: We'll find out once we record it, but everything going the way that we think it will, next week will probably be the last one of this study on the four laws of love, so we will be moving on to other things at that point.
• 47:54
  Daniel Moore: But you don't want to miss this, so please subscribe and to make sure you don't miss that, that's going to end this week's episode.
• 48:00
  Daniel Moore: I'm Daniel Moore.
• 48:01
  Daniel Moore: Thank you for listening.
• 48:02
  Daniel Moore: Missed in here with my wife, michelle Bye.
• 48:04
  Daniel Moore: Guys, we've been going through this study and, of course, this show wouldn't be possible without you.
• 48:08
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• 48:11
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• 48:16
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• 48:21
  Daniel Moore: The links for those are in our show notes.
• 48:24
  Daniel Moore: Well, that's all for this week, and we pray that your marriage is stronger and your walk with God is closer After this episode.
• 48:30
  Daniel Moore: This is an extension of Connecting the Gap Ministries, and we pray that you have a blessed week.
• 48:51
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• 48:53
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• 48:56
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• 49:01
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• 49:04
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• 49:14
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• 49:17
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• 49:23
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• 49:24
  Aria: This is a production of Connecting the Gap Ministries.