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Why Confident Men Feel Insecure At Home | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep463 · Morrow Marriage | Disrupting Divorce

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Why are powerful men and women insecure at home?
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Lack of commitment in marriage.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: Can you outgrow a soulmate?
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Rebound relationships, healing, or escaping.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: The value in solitude and growth, our big fuck up when kids replace your spouse.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Why are powerful men and women insecure at home?
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Moral March Podcast, guys.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought this would be fun to bring it up because as uh suspected, it didn't get to it when we were talking about uh earlier why successful, well, men and women struggle in marriage and their private life doesn't reflect their public life.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't get to it.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: I knew we wouldn't.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to talk about it right now.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Insecurity is real.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: I want to walk you through something really quickly.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: So when we did our last uh public event, like speaking out out in front of people, we were talking, and um we got to insecurity pretty quick, and something that blew my mind was that um a lot of people they really think that insecurity is uh because you're afraid someone's gonna cheat on you.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I would like to be very, very clear that that is very true.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's one part of it.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: But it's a it's a it's it's just an example of being insecure.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's not what insecurity is.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: So insecurity is fear.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: What are you afraid of?
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: So why do we struggle with insecurity at home?
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Well, in the real world, you're not insecure if you're successful because you're used to getting what you want.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: In other words, you have confidence.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: Many people come to us and say, How do I develop confidence?
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: How do I learn to know who I am as a man or a woman?
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: How do I develop the kind of personality that doesn't get hurt so bad or take it so personally at home?
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: I don't live like this in the real world.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's because you're used to taking it on, head on, in the real world.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: You get develop confidence, you develop confidence by doing things that scare you, things that are hard for you, and actually achieving.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: You develop confidence.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: And by the way, confidence doesn't mean you're not afraid, but it's a strong what's the word I'm looking for?
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's against insecurity, like it fights insecurity.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Contradicts contradiction to insecurity.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: So in other words, confidence is not the remedy, but it's it's a big part of why you would not feel insecure.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: So you may still have fears, but in the real world, you overcome and you fail forward.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: You might not know what to do, how to get the job, you figure it out.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: I talked to somebody today on a call, he was like, Well, I don't know what to do with my time.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: His wife's not living with him.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, what to do with your time?
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: Give me the top three goals that you have.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: You talked about losing 50 pounds.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: You talked about making more money, and it doesn't matter.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: The point was I was like, dude, then what are you doing with your time right now to achieve those three goals?
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I just really want my wife.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: I said, not your wife and your kid right now.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: You're not allowed to see them legally right now.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: So what are you doing with your time to achieve your goals?
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: You can't go on YouTube and learn how to make money.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: You can't be working out, you can't go on YouTube to learn how to work out if you don't know.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: You can't follow our breakthrough 99 and fucking work out with the program we gave you.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: You can't try.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like, in the real world, successful people are not insecure at um like they are out at home, like they are in the real world.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: They're fine, they're confident, they're strong.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you want to do something, you figure out how, or you pay someone to show you how.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: But when it comes to your home life, a successful man or woman will come home and they're gonna blame.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: You're always gonna blame.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: I remember one powerhouse of a woman you had, Canadian chick.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, her husband, not so much of a powerhouse, he worked decent, you know, good job pay wise, but nothing compared to her CEO position.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: And he came home and played video games and smoked weed every day.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: And she was so upset and she was angry and bitter.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: And the reality is, both of them, when I I was working with both of them, and when I got to know both of them, he was insecure because of her and her success in her life and her her stature.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: And she didn't know how to love him because all she she fought the insecurity and covered it with blame and laziness.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: When really, if she just would have learned to lift him, he probably, in fact, I think he had so much potential, so much potential.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, he was he could have been like this incredible speaker to motivate people, like not even not motivational speaker, just the way he was influencing people, men in the program, others in his life, it was incredible because I wasn't afraid around him, but she was.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: And so that came out as fear and this and that.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: When you have the real world in and you want more, you go get more.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: At home, you typically will turn it around into something else and you'll mask it if it doesn't go right to what you think the insecurity.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: They're gonna leave me, turn into affair, or whatever the bullshit is, right?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because we can look at uh why someone would escape in the last episode with alcohol as insecurity.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: Hi.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: That was what I used to do.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: Just drink my life away and hide from her, afraid of what was going on, right?
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: So funny that he was the one that was afraid.
• 4:52
  unknown: Why?
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because you were the scary one.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't mean I'm gonna cheat.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't think you were gonna cheat.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, afraid that oh, afraid that I was that you were gonna leave.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Or whatever you were afraid of.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, I was terrified she was gonna leave.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Well, see, that's the problem, which you guys don't understand.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: When you're this type of person at home, insecure, afraid of whatever it is, okay?
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: So you're not being who you need to be, who you are, truly.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: You define yourself by your job, your spouse, and your children if you have them.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: You don't authentically show up at home, and you're always afraid because you're performing.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: And so if you are performing, you don't win.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: If you performed at work, you'd have clients for a while, but they'd ultimately see you don't follow through on your work.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: They'd ultimately see your true character.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: They ultimately say, Well, you do a good job, but I don't like you.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: And they will give it to the next bidder, even if it's a higher bid.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like it happens all the time.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: You may have skated your way through it performing, but it doesn't typically last, right?
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: Now I know some very, very successful people, like my father, adoptive father, who was all I mean, his whole life, he was just a fucking salesman.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: He's a sleazy, dirty, narcissistic, yeah, performer.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: And he definitely made it.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: But you know what?
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: I've met more people that dislike him.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: How many times did somebody come to the gym?
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: I know your father, I'm like, oh, I don't talk to him.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: And they would unload because they were like, Whoa, I can talk to you about your fucking asshole father.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it was crazy how many times that happened.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: I was never there for that.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: No, you I think you were when we were working with Hamosi the first time.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: I was there, and there was some.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but you would have just told me about it.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't, I never saw anybody saying that.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, ever do it.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: The one guy that sent us to Summit Church, he knew Doug.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: He said the same thing.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, my point is this that when you are performing, you might get something somewhere with where you want to go.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: You may have even seen that in work.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: People don't like you.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: I can give you a lot of examples with real people, but you wouldn't know them, so it'd be stupid.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then um, but at home, it will never last because they know you better.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: They know you more, they know the ins and outs of how you think, how you cope, how you escape, how you love, when you're doing it, to give to get.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: They know all of these things, which ultimately, when they don't take it because they do their version of this, then they shut down and they're afraid of what?
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because it can even be their insecurity, your insecurity, about not just being good, right?
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: Just not doing it right.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Not even about losing them, just hating yourself because you don't know who you are.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: And so I think that you see, just to go circle back to the topic, you see a massive, massive difference between people in the real world succeeding, you become powerful, and never getting what you want at home because you are insecure.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: So go deeper than what we talked about a couple episodes ago.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's important and understand to understand.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: But I think that if you don't understand this insecurity part, that you have to develop like you did the success in the real life, which could be better again if you're not performing.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: You need to take that attitude and do the same for learning and implementing and structuring where you want your private life to go.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: Does that make sense?
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: You have anything you want to add?
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: Nope.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: This one was for me to talk.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: So thanks for joining us.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: You're welcome.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: All right, guys.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: We'll see you next time.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.