Latest / Suze Orman's Women & Money (And Everyone Smart Enough To Listen) / How To Be Stronger Than You Have Ever Been - Revisited
Transcript
- 0:08Robert: November 30th, 2025. Welcome to the Women in Money podcast
- 0:11Robert: as well as everyone smart enough to listen. Hi, everybody,
- 0:13Robert: I'm Robert, the producer, and we hope you are enjoying
- 0:17Robert: the long Thanksgiving weekend. And if you are able to,
- 0:20Robert: seeing friends and family and most importantly, getting some rest.
- 0:23Robert: In fact, we're doing the exact same thing here at
- 0:25Robert: the Women and Money Podcast, seeing friends and family, and today,
- 0:29Robert: getting some rest.
- 0:31Robert: Now, just because we don't have a brand new episode
- 0:33Robert: for you, doesn't mean that you don't get to hear
- 0:35Robert: Suze and KT on this last day of November 2025.
- 0:39Robert: We're gonna play for you part of an episode that
- 0:41Robert: we released last Thanksgiving, because the core message inside is
- 0:46Robert: really important and it's something that we feel should be
- 0:49Robert: at the top of your feed, especially as we head
- 0:52Robert: into the next batch of year-end holidays. And now, here's Suze.
- 0:58Suze: Now today we're gonna do something that we did before
- 1:02Suze: but we're gonna do it again. It's going to be
- 1:06Suze: a conversation. Recently I got an email because I read
- 1:11Suze: the emails along with KT.
- 1:13KT: It's about family.
- 1:14KT: And it's about the awkward and the difficult and the
- 1:18KT: sadder side of what families may experience or go through,
- 1:23KT: especially the child with the parent.
- 1:26Suze: When it comes to money.
- 1:28KT: Oh, absolutely that's why we're here, Suze.
- 1:31Suze: So sit down with us, relax, and I want you
- 1:35Suze: to participate in this conversation as well. I want you
- 1:40Suze: to ask yourselves the question, how would you answer it?
- 1:44Suze: How do you feel about it?
- 1:46Suze: And maybe it can give you some insight to also
- 1:49Suze: open up a conversation with your entire family and see
- 1:53Suze: how they feel about it on the reverse side as well.
- 1:57Suze: All right, KT?
- 1:59KT: So this is from Cecilia, a daughter. She wrote, Dear
- 2:03KT: Suze and KT, your guidance is a blessing, and I'm
- 2:07KT: so thankful you are a channel for good in the world.
- 2:11KT: You often address parental questions around how to wisely act
- 2:16KT: for future generations, but what about family situations in which
- 2:22KT: the parents are financially irresponsible? Is there a financial obligation
- 2:28KT: of the child towards the parent, or is it primarily
- 2:32KT: the parent towards the child?
- 2:34KT: My parents have been in debt and financially irresponsible my
- 2:39KT: entire life, even needing to borrow money from me in
- 2:43KT: my youth. Now listen to this, everyone, and think about this.
- 2:47KT: I still remember at age 6 my little yet precious
- 2:51KT: savings taken.
- 2:54KT: I've had to in many ways raise myself and teach
- 2:58KT: myself how to be responsible with money. 30 years later,
- 3:02KT: I'm now an adult, and they still just want to take.
- 3:07KT: So Cecilia's obviously referencing her parents. She said, I've tried
- 3:11KT: to guide them, even recommending your podcast, Suze, but they
- 3:16KT: cannot improve and apply any knowledge for change.
- 3:20KT: So Cecilia has a problem, right, Suze, she said. Our
- 3:25KT: relationship has grown ever distant as they judge all my
- 3:29KT: actions with a monetary mindset. Their competitive nature is incessantly
- 3:36KT: sizing me up and seeing how they could benefit, even
- 3:39KT: if I wasn't in a position truly able to give.
- 3:43KT: They see all of my actions as having so much
- 3:46KT: more than them because they are in such a place
- 3:49KT: of lack.
- 3:51KT: So, that's a very awkward place for Cecilia to be in. So, Suze,
- 3:57KT: how can I balance giving while not playing the role
- 3:59KT: of the parent as your mantra starts with: people first.
- 4:04KT: If I don't give, I can feel guilty, and if
- 4:07KT: I do give, then I feel taken advantage of and
- 4:10KT: like I'm perpetuating an endless cycle. I understand there's a
- 4:15KT: financial obligation parents have towards their children, having brought them
- 4:20KT: into this world, but is there any
- 4:22KT: reverse obligation or can I feel free of their expectations
- 4:27KT: towards me? I especially find myself concerned as they inch
- 4:32KT: closer to retirement ages and don't have much of any
- 4:36KT: sufficient nest for all those years to come. Suze, thank
- 4:41KT: you for your care and help. Please tell me what
- 4:45KT: to do, Cecilia.
- 4:47Suze: So, KT, you just read that letter.
- 4:52Suze: We're not answering her questions yet. I'm curious as to
- 4:56Suze: how it made you personally feel. What did it bring
- 5:01Suze: up for you?
- 5:03KT: Wow, Suz e, it made me feel so lucky, privileged, loved,
- 5:08KT: cared for. It made me feel as opposite to what
- 5:12KT: Cecilia has experienced throughout her life.
- 5:16Suze: And loved by who?
- 5:16KT: My parents, my family, my siblings, so supportive.
- 5:21KT: My parents so did without in order to take care
- 5:25KT: of six children, and I didn't...
- 5:28Suze: But they were responsible.
- 5:28KT: Totally responsible, but I didn't know how much they actually
- 5:32KT: gave up till I became an adult. I did not
- 5:35KT: really understand that. Why? Because I think kids are young
- 5:38KT: and selfish.
- 5:39Suze: All right. And the reason that I ask you that, KT,
- 5:43Suze: is that even more than me, truthfully, obviously I spent
- 5:47Suze: a lot of money on my mother and everything.
- 5:50Suze: But it was a very different thing with me and
- 5:53Suze: my mother.
- 5:56Suze: You loved that you could help your mother. You wanted,
- 6:01Suze: you wanted to help your mother and father. Now was
- 6:06Suze: it your responsibility to do so, or was it your
- 6:09Suze: desire to do so because of how they took care
- 6:12Suze: of you and how responsible they were financially growing up?
- 6:18KT: We never any of us felt that we were responsible.
- 6:23KT: Because they never put us in that position ever.
- 6:27Suze: So then it was a joy for you to give
- 6:28Suze: to them.
- 6:29KT: Oh my God, it was something that not only we
- 6:32KT: looked forward to, but I worked really hard because I
- 6:35KT: wanted to give them something special or
- 6:39KT: thank them in a way that I knew they could
- 6:41KT: never have for themselves.
- 6:44Suze: And then because they were so responsible with money as
- 6:50Suze: they got older and they got sick and your father
- 6:52Suze: had a stroke, all these things that happened, right.
- 6:56Suze: One of the happiest things in your life was being
- 6:59Suze: able to get your mommy a home, make sure she
- 7:02Suze: had a private aid, do all these things for her.
- 7:08Suze: And that was like because I remember the day she
- 7:12Suze: died you were so thrilled that we did such a
- 7:16Suze: good job that she still had $60,000 left so that
- 7:20Suze: all the kids, not you, but could get $15,000 each
- 7:24Suze: immediately because she had a will and a trust in everything.
- 7:28Suze: Do you remember that feeling? All right.
- 7:30Suze: Cecilia, did you just hear that?
- 7:35Suze: Obviously, it is a parent's responsibility, bar none.
- 7:41Suze: To take care of their children, nourish their children, educate
- 7:46Suze: their children so that they can grow up and learn
- 7:49Suze: how to thrive in this world of ours. It is
- 7:52Suze: their responsibility to do so.
- 7:56Suze: It seems like they did a pretty good job with you.
- 8:01Suze: And why is that? Because you saw by their behavior
- 8:06Suze: how you did not want to do that. I just
- 8:10Suze: want you to all put a pin in that for
- 8:12Suze: a second. You said something in this email that I
- 8:15Suze: found so fascinating, and I don't know if you remember this, KT.
- 8:19Suze: I have a thing with the 9 Steps to Financial Freedom,
- 8:22Suze: which was the best book I've ever written, bar none,
- 8:27Suze: and the whole book's premise to begin with is your
- 8:31Suze: first childhood money memory determines what happens to you in life.
- 8:38Suze: I went around and I started to ask a question,
- 8:42Suze: not to 10 people, not to 50 people, thousands of people.
- 8:48Suze: Could they ever remember
- 8:51Suze: mommy or daddy taking money from your piggy bank and
- 8:56Suze: not paying you back.
- 8:59Suze: Well...
- 9:02Suze: Everybody, even if they're incredibly wealthy today, whatever, that one
- 9:06Suze: action of taking money from a piggy bank.
- 9:11Suze: And not replacing it scarred them, but it did, KT, right?
- 9:17Suze: But it was that one memory that also spurred all
- 9:21Suze: those people to go and save money on their own
- 9:25Suze: and be responsible for it on their own. So even
- 9:29Suze: though that's a hurtful action and memory that you have,
- 9:34Suze: I would almost guarantee you that it is that one
- 9:36Suze: action plus many after that.
- 9:39Suze: That has made you the successful woman you are today.
- 9:44Suze: So sometimes when we look in our past.
- 9:48Suze: You have to not dwell in the sadness of your past.
- 9:53Suze: You have to dwell in the happiness of who you
- 9:56Suze: are right now.
- 9:59Suze: And how you feel about yourself right now. So that
- 10:04Suze: was for you, Cecilia. KT, with that said, I just
- 10:08Suze: have to go back again,
- 10:10Suze: to answer Cecilia's number one question, is it the responsibility
- 10:15Suze: of a child to take care of their parents if
- 10:20Suze: the parents have been totally irresponsible with money and doing
- 10:25Suze: things with it, that's like throwing it out? Is it?
- 10:28KT: No.
- 10:28Suze: There you go, I agree with that.
- 10:32Suze: Would it be any different?
- 10:34Suze: If your parents were drug addicts, because I've gone through
- 10:38Suze: this many times with people, they're drug addicts, they're alcoholics,
- 10:42Suze: they're gamblers, and they have no money, and they always
- 10:46Suze: want the money from the kids so they can go
- 10:49Suze: back to the gambling. They have nothing, nothing.
- 10:54Suze: Would you give them the money then?
- 10:56KT: I would give them intervention, but I would not give
- 11:00KT: them money. I'd give them intervention. That's a responsibility.
- 11:04Suze: But Cecilia.
- 11:06Suze: Would you feel guilty not giving them money if that
- 11:12Suze: money was leading to the destruction of who they are drugs, alcohol, gambling?
- 11:18Suze: I want you to seriously think about that. I think
- 11:21Suze: it would be a lot easier, KT, for Cecilia to go, Mom,
- 11:25Suze: I'm not giving you the money for you to go
- 11:28Suze: drink yourself to death.
- 11:30Suze: It's she could rationalize that, right? It's very hard to
- 11:34Suze: rationalize not giving when when they're just irresponsible, which means
- 11:41Suze: they spend money they don't invest it, they don't take
- 11:44Suze: care of themselves.
- 11:47Suze: Do you agree with that?
- 11:48KT: Yeah, I do agree with it. I, that's why I'm
- 11:50KT: saying I think that Cecilia's difficulty here, Suze, is that
- 11:55KT: it looks like she's the only source. She's the only
- 11:59KT: money pit.
- 11:59Suze: I have a feeling she's the only child.
- 12:01KT: Yeah, I think she's the only money pit, which is
- 12:03KT: why she's really in turmoil about how do I do this.
- 12:07Suze: All right, so, obviously you see where this is going, Cecilia.
- 12:11Suze: Number one, we're gonna hopefully talk you off
- 12:13Suze: the wall of guilt. We're gonna talk you off the
- 12:16Suze: wall of feeling that it's your responsibility and we're gonna
- 12:20Suze: talk to you on the wall of putting people first,
- 12:24Suze: then money, then things because the first thing I have
- 12:26Suze: to straighten out is this when I say people first,
- 12:31Suze: I do not mean other people. I do not mean
- 12:34Suze: go out and take care of the world. I mean
- 12:37Suze: you have got to take care of yourself.
- 12:40Suze: Maybe I need to change that to you first, then money,
- 12:45Suze: then things, but Cecilia, the people I'm talking about in
- 12:49Suze: that phrase is you.
- 12:52Suze: So you have to put yourself before money. You have
- 12:58Suze: to put yourself into a situation where you feel good
- 13:03Suze: about every action that you take. That's number one. Number two, again,
- 13:09Suze: I go back to this. How many years have I
- 13:12Suze: been saying that you and your money are one? If
- 13:17Suze: you give your money away.
- 13:21Suze: To somebody who wastes it, what you are doing is
- 13:25Suze: you are giving a part of yourself away to your parents.
- 13:32Suze: Not money, that's true, that's the vehicle, but you and
- 13:36Suze: your money are one. Money is a physical manifestation of
- 13:40Suze: who you are.
- 13:42Suze: So the reason that you feel so bad about this,
- 13:45Suze: in my opinion, is that you are disrespecting yourself.
- 13:52Suze: You are giving a part of yourself away which actually
- 13:56Suze: hurts more than giving money.
- 14:00Suze: If that made sense, did that make sense to you, KT?
- 14:03KT: Yeah, I think it does make a whole lot of
- 14:05KT: sense to me, but I want the listeners to really
- 14:09KT: understand what you're trying to do to help her.
- 14:12Suze: All right, so now I will get to that.
- 14:15Suze: Hopefully we have answered the question.
- 14:20Suze: Parents need and must be responsible for their children.
- 14:25Suze: In my opinion, in KT's opinion, some of you may disagree,
- 14:30Suze: there is no mandate that a child is responsible for
- 14:35Suze: a parent who is absolutely disrespectful of money, only loves
- 14:41Suze: me for money, any of those things now.
- 14:45Suze: When a parent gets old, they've been respectful, they've loved you,
- 14:51Suze: they've honored their money, they've done everything they can that's
- 14:55Suze: another story, you know what's funny, KT, what I'm thinking
- 14:58Suze: of as I say this how many parents, even if
- 15:02Suze: they're grandparents now, they're old and they still have their
- 15:06Suze: children alive, right, say.
- 15:09Suze: I don't want to be a burden on my family.
- 15:11KT: Oh, many. They all do.
- 15:13Suze: Think about it, everybody. Do any of you want to
- 15:16Suze: be a burden on your children? And I can tell you,
- 15:21Suze: if you love your children, the answer to that is no.
- 15:26Suze: A lot of times I talk to people and I go,
- 15:28Suze: why don't you just take a little vacation? Why can't
- 15:31Suze: you just get a little bit newer car so it
- 15:33Suze: doesn't break down on you in the middle of the
- 15:36Suze: night or whatever it is? And they say, no, I'm
- 15:39Suze: saving every penny for my kids. I want my kids
- 15:43Suze: to have everything.
- 15:46Suze: Cecilia, that's how loving parents think. They don't look at
- 15:51Suze: their kids as a money ticket. They don't make their
- 15:54Suze: kids feel bad.
- 15:56Suze: So, if you choose
- 16:00Suze: to give money away, right? You cannot feel like you
- 16:05Suze: are being taken advantage of them, and I'm quoting your
- 16:08Suze: email right now.
- 16:10Suze: You have to feel like you are disrespecting yourself.
- 16:17Suze: Did you hear what I just said, Cecilia? This isn't
- 16:21Suze: about they have so much power that they could take
- 16:24Suze: advantage of you, so you give them money.
- 16:27Suze: Only you have the power to make a decision what
- 16:30Suze: you do with money, what you do with your life.
- 16:34Suze: So, number one, you have got to get this concept
- 16:38Suze: of they're taking advantage of you if you give them
- 16:42Suze: money out of your mind. What else would I tell
- 16:47Suze: you to do?
- 16:49Suze: The first thing I would tell you to do, believe
- 16:51Suze: it or not, is I would go see them. I
- 16:54Suze: would sit down with them.
- 16:55Suze: And I would look them right in the eye, and
- 16:58Suze: maybe you tell them to listen to this podcast or
- 17:01Suze: that you want to play this podcast for them.
- 17:05Suze: Sit with them and let them listen to this podcast.
- 17:09Suze: They don't want to find no problem. You go over
- 17:13Suze: and you sit with them and you say, Mom and Dad,
- 17:17Suze: I love you very much. However, I am letting you
- 17:21Suze: know from this day on I am not giving you
- 17:27Suze: any more money.
- 17:30Suze: If you need food, I'll go get food for you
- 17:33Suze: and give you food.
- 17:35Suze: But make it clear to them that the Bank of
- 17:40Suze: Cecilia is closed no matter what they say, no matter
- 17:45Suze: how bad off they get, you have to be strong
- 17:49Suze: enough to let them hit rock bottom, cause I have
- 17:54Suze: found over my 40 years of doing this change doesn't
- 17:58Suze: come easy.
- 18:00Suze: And change normally comes financially speaking when the people have
- 18:06Suze: hit rock bottom they have no more credit lines, they
- 18:11Suze: have nobody to go to to ask for money every
- 18:14Suze: avenue of that financial river has been dammed up and
- 18:19Suze: they are bone dry.
- 18:23Suze: So...
- 18:25Suze: That's what you have to do and you have to
- 18:28Suze: be strong enough to do that.
- 18:31KT: So, Suze, I agree with all of that, but I
- 18:34KT: would have a slightly different approach. I would talk to
- 18:39KT: my parents and I would let them know clearly that
- 18:42KT: I don't feel good. I've been feeling very sad and
- 18:45KT: very depressed and they say, why honey? I say, because
- 18:48KT: I feel that you only want me around for my money.
- 18:52KT: So therefore I need to feel that you love me
- 18:57KT: for who I am. From this day forward, I'm gonna
- 19:00KT: stop financing you or giving you money or bailing you out.
- 19:04Suze: All right, you've, let's role play. You're Cecilia. I'm Mom.
- 19:09Suze: You came to me and you just said that.
- 19:11Suze: And I say that is not true. We love you
- 19:15Suze: for who you are. We've never loved you for your money.
- 19:18Suze: We've da da da da da because you have to understand, KT,
- 19:21Suze: parents like this are in total denial anyway. You come
- 19:24Suze: from a place because you are so sweet, so sweet,
- 19:28Suze: and you actually don't know anything other than love.
- 19:32Suze: So just remember KT comes from a family. She has
- 19:37Suze: never experienced anything
- 19:40Suze: but love in her life. How fabulous is that right?
- 19:43KT: I know, very fabulous. That's what I'm always thankful for
- 19:47KT: every day. So what I would do, mom, alright, you're
- 19:51KT: my mom, right?
- 19:52KT: I, I'm Cecilia.
- 19:53Suze: I'm, I've, I've never felt that way about you. Why
- 19:56Suze: do you say that? You're wrong.
- 19:58KT: If you mean that, Mom, then starting today, I don't
- 20:02KT: want you to ask for money. I'm not going to
- 20:05KT: give you or Daddy any more money, but I did
- 20:08KT: come up with a couple ideas for you to help
- 20:11KT: you when you get in those jams or to make
- 20:14KT: ends meet.
- 20:15KT: I think that you can do a couple of things
- 20:17KT: to make money or to find money other than calling
- 20:21KT: me for it. One is just...
- 20:23Suze: Like what, Cecilia, look at this house. I have nothing here.
- 20:27Suze: Look at everything around me.
- 20:29KT: You have a lot of things and you can sell
- 20:31KT: things you don't use or need anymore.
- 20:33Suze: Who would want to buy this junk?
- 20:35KT: Well, a lot of people, you have a yard sale
- 20:37KT: and you give it a shot. You can probably make
- 20:40KT: about $50 100 dollars, who knows, but start with that, mom. Second,
- 20:45KT: you may want to downsize and live in a smaller,
- 20:48KT: more affordable place. And then there's the jobs. There's always
- 20:53KT: part-time work and jobs and opportunities that you can do
- 20:57KT: on the side to try to make those ends meet.
- 21:01KT: The only thing mom that and dad that I'm absolutely
- 21:05KT: always gonna be there for you is to make sure
- 21:09KT: that you're eating healthy and I can always assist you
- 21:13KT: in providing a hot meal or maybe even come and
- 21:16KT: cook for you once a month.
- 21:18Suze: KT that was actually great.
- 21:21Suze: But Cecilia, did you see how that went? Don't go
- 21:26Suze: in there when you sit down expecting that your mother
- 21:29Suze: and father are going to, for the first time in
- 21:31Suze: your life, understand anything that you are saying. Yeah, they're gonna,
- 21:36Suze: they won't embrace you with love.
- 21:38KT: They're gonna probably get really mad. So, but here is
- 21:41KT: be ready.
- 21:42Suze: But here is why I want you to do it.
- 21:46Suze: You aren't doing this for them.
- 21:48Suze: You are doing this for yourself. You are doing this
- 21:52Suze: so that you can be clear.
- 21:55Suze: That you have set boundaries. You've said what you wanted
- 21:58Suze: to say, that's that. You do it for yourself. If
- 22:03Suze: they hear you fine. If they don't hear you, fine.
- 22:08Suze: All that matters is you have a voice and you
- 22:12Suze: said it. Remember I've said, your voice is your power,
- 22:17Suze: and you need to switch from guilty...
- 22:22Suze: to not guilty you need to switch from feeling taken
- 22:27Suze: advantage of to knowing you're not being taken advantage of.
- 22:31Suze: You cannot give out a guilt. If you give out
- 22:35Suze: a guilt, then you have totally disrespected yourself as well.
- 22:39Suze: So you are going to have to become far stronger
- 22:43Suze: than you have ever been. And why do I say that?
- 22:47Suze: You have given to them out of weakness.
- 22:50Suze: Not strength. You have given to them out of the
- 22:54Suze: wrong reasons cause it's easier to give than to say no.
- 23:00Suze: You now have to say no out of love for
- 23:03Suze: yourself versus yes out of fear.
- 23:07Suze: That they're not gonna like you, they're not gonna do this. Oh, please,
- 23:09Suze: look at your relationship already. That would be our advice
- 23:14Suze: to you.
- 23:15Suze: Our advice where you stand in the truth of your
- 23:19Suze: own self respect, your own love, and your own thankfulness
- 23:25Suze: for giving yourself a life where you are financially pretty
- 23:30Suze: much independent, you are doing things exactly how you want
- 23:34Suze: in your own life, and be thankful as well that
- 23:39Suze: you have parents like that.
- 23:41Suze: Because that's what you have, so you might as well
- 23:44Suze: be thankful because look at the gifts they gave you,
- 23:49Suze: and the gifts that they gave you are gifts of self-independence.
- 23:57Suze: So that brings us to the end of this Suze
- 24:00Suze: and KT conversation. Did you enjoy that, KT?
- 24:03KT: I did, but it's a little depressing.
- 24:06Suze: It's not depressing. It actually..
- 24:09KT: It's actually liberating, isn't it?
- 24:10Suze: It's liberating, but it's standing in your truth, and I
- 24:14Suze: have to tell you, KT, this is not just one
- 24:17Suze: person having this problem. There are hundreds of thousands of
- 24:21Suze: people out there, maybe millions, which is why I chose
- 24:25Suze: it for today.
- 24:26Suze: Because I know that more of you will relate to
- 24:31Suze: this than less of you, believe it or not. So therefore,
- 24:37Suze: people first, and remember when I say that I mean you,
- 24:41Suze: then what KT?
- 24:42KT: Then money.
- 24:43Suze: Then things and if you do that, stay healthy, stay safe,
- 24:49Suze: we promise you you will be unstoppable.