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Books4Guys Podcast - Amaury Ponciano · Books4Guys

• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: Usually come out during football season.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, let's go out there and watch sports.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: But Amori, man, it is so good to finally have you on the podcast.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: As I know our first connection was about a month ago when we got introduced, and I've been uh learning a little bit about you.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: Man, I'm excited to uh have you on, so I appreciate you taking the time to do this.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Uh thank you for having me.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, man.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: Uh once we got in, you know, in contact and touch, I've been looking forward to just having a conversation, you know, about each other and about my my book.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: So wanted to bring up your book, Anchored in Resilience, because you have had you had a long career in the Navy, but uh but you migrated here from the Dominican Republic.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: And from the Dominican to New Jersey, actually, which that's uh man, that's a big difference.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: It was definitely a culture shock.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: It was definitely, you know, I never seen snow into I mean, I literally landed October 24 of 94, and my first snow was the next weekend, which was on like the next Friday.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: And it was one of the worst blizzards we had in like decades in New Jersey.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, it it it from that to not knowing any English, you know, it it was just so different, right?
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: It just so different uh the environment that I come.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: I come from a very poor background in the Dominican Republic.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: So even something as as little as as we might think now today, like even eating cornflakes was a luxury when I got here to the U.S.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: compared to what I had uh in the Dominican Republic.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: So uh yeah, it's uh it was definitely a a shock, but it is the best thing that ever happened to me because I was able to get get so much since I've been in this country.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: No, man, I want you to dive into that, but I can't, I mean, man, I'm just from the south, and I can't even live in New Jersey because too cold, too much for me.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: So I can't even imagine, again, just just the the climate difference, but you mentioned not knowing English and having a whole different having your world turned upside down.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: I again I couldn't even I couldn't even imagine being your age and making that type of move.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: Man, talk talk a little bit more about that, just your transition to to coming to America, but then like you said, leading to some incredible opportunities and and to some of the things now.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, and now you're a published author, you know, talking about your story, which is awesome.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: If someone would have told me that back then, uh, I'd be like, you're insane.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I will be like, I wrote something about baseball because I love baseball since I was little, so that's about it.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: But no, I came, I came here to the US when I was uh, like I said, 14.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: My mother, she remarried, and then she had a green card, came to the US, and then she went through the process to get me and my brother to the U.S.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: as well.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I didn't know any English, like I said, but I was very lucky that the community that I came to in New Jersey was very Latino heavy.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: So a lot of our schools, both my middle uh school and then my high school, they have a lot of ESL.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: English is a second language.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I went to, you know, I went to the eighth grade, finished it up there, and then I started in my freshman year.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I already in my freshman year, I already had a little bit of a, you know, some most of my classes had instructors that spoke Spanish, but they also spoke English.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: So they will throw that in there.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then by my sophomore year, I was in an old English classes.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: But that was also funny enough because I had two very key motivations.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: One, my brother already spoke English because he got here before me.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: So he used to make fun of me in English.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I wanted to know what he was saying.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: And then two, as a young teenager, you know, girls would try to talk to me and I didn't know what they were saying.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: You had to learn English fast.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly, man.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: I have motivation.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I need to know what's going on because all I'm saying is thank you to no matter what they're saying.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: They could be calling me stupid.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: I used to be like, thank you, you know, with a big old smile.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, it, you know, and and I got really good grades, right?
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: But they were they were not good enough to give me like a full ride to college.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: I had some offers, you know, whether it was like a partial or like, you know, they will give you some credits.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: And my my family didn't have that kind of money.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: So my mom's husband at the time was like, hey, I was in the army, so you should look into being in the military somehow.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you'll you'll get discipline.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, I had to be thrown in there, money for college, and then you can make it a career if you want, just take a look at it.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: Thankfully, my mom became a citizen, and because I was a minor, I was automatically a citizen, which helps when it comes to what jobs you apply.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I throw that in there.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: And um, you know, I went to the recruiting station, and uh, I could tell you this is in most towns, usually the recruiting station has all the recruiters from like all the branches in one building.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: So, like you just go one door and there's the army, then next to it is the navy.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I took my ASBAB, my exam to try to get in for the army.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: And although I got pretty good scores, he was only talking about infantry.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, oh man, I'm not trying to be in the front lines.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like I'm I'm trying to work with computers.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I mean, I'm I'm I was like, I'm not the brightest person, but I'm smart enough where I could do and he was not trying to hear it.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if it had to meet a quota or what was going on.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: So I was upset and a little bit down, right?
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because I really had my mindset into coming into the military.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: It just happened that my best friend, he went also, but he went to the Navy.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: So he was like, hey man, talk to the Navy recruiter, see what he got to say.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I literally came out of one door, went to the next one, and I was like, hey man, what you got to offer?
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, okay, uh, what was your scores?
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um and he got the paperwork from the Army guy, which pissed the recruiter off from the Army.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: But uh he got my score and he was like, Yeah, we we're gonna take you to MEPS, which is where they do all your processing.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: And then he was like, you should be able to ask for a specific, you know, school as far as the the Navy.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I get to MEPS, I pick the job that I wanted that was uh uh related, and uh yeah, I even signed up early.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Uh my mom had to sign for me because I wasn't even 18 yet.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I was what they call a delay entry program, which is kind of like you are going to go to the Navy, but it's after you turn 18.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I remember I graduated from high school, uh went to Dominican Republic for a month, so I could go on vacation.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: Came back the next day.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: I was flying off to Chicago uh to go to Grey Lakes to uh that was a shock, right?
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, that's really uh where you get to really truly see where you become from a civilian to being in the military, right?
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like they're waking up early, they're cutting all your hair off.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: I used to have like lacqueral with curly hair.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: They cut all that off.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, uh, and marching everywhere and lack of sleep, lack of food, all that is just to get you in the mindset and now you are in the military, and there's just different, it's a different environment than being a civilian.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: So I went from there to what, you know, we call it our our race school or MOS or as your a specialty.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: I just wanted to, you know, go to the newest ship that they had at the time, right?
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: I I I could, I was number two in my class, so I was able to pick where I wanted to go.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: But the choices were small.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: There was all ships, right?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm in the Navy and needed to go to a ship.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I decided I wanted to be in the East Coast so I could be closer to my mom.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a mama's boy to this day.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I went to I am too what I'm saying?
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I I wanted to be close enough.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't want to be living with her, but I wanted to be close enough where I could just drive and see her.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: Well, Norfolk, Virginia, they had like four or five ships, and then I from there, then I was like, which one is the newest one?
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: And at the time it was the USS Cole.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, this was back in '99.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: She was commissioned in 1996.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: So she was like the newest ship.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: I got orders to the coal.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: I came to the coal around March of 2000, and we went on deployment in August of 2000.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, a regular deployment, just, you know, the regular patrol, the U.S.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: uh ships due to ensure that the seas are fair and then everybody can do their tray.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: So we left, and I tell you, it was the the longest we were out to sea was only the first two weeks that it took us to get from Norfolk, Virginia to Barcelona, Spain.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: That was my first port.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: And we had a blast.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: And because, and because the because the back then that we were not at war, this was before 9-11, all that stuff.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: We were pulling in on a Monday.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: We will go into a harbor on a Monday, be there for three, four days, and then come out on Friday, be out to sea, transit into the next place Friday afternoon, Saturday, Sunday, and then pull back again on a Monday.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: So that was more like a cruise ship than like an actual Navy.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: But during those three days that we were out to sea, we train a lot.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: We did a lot of drills, we lit a lot of things because our CEO used to say all the time, we have to be prepared just in case anything happens.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Come October, and we were pulling in to refuel to uh Eden Yemen.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember the morning we were coming in and we were doing what we we call the C and Anchor detail, which is usually the uh evolution where we get to moor the ship into a harbor.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: Coming into Yemen, there was a couple of ships that were sunk, which is I'd never seen that before.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: And even after that, in my 25-year career, 26, never saw it again.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: They were all from Yemenese ships, but they were sunk in the harbor.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: So that kind of threw us off already.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so you know, we more, you know, we secured the evolution, we start refueling.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember the executive officer who was the second person in charge.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: He comes over the 1MC, which is like our announcement PA, and tells us that we're refueling faster than expected and that we were gonna go leave earlier than expected.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: So to go eat um lunch early, so then everybody could go to their positions to leave.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I left my regular spot where I work, which was the Radio Shack, that's what we used to call it, and I went to the mess line where we go to pick up our food.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: About two or three minutes of be standing there, I heard the loudest noise I ever heard in my life.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: And my body came off the ground and I hit my back against the wall, and then I hit the person that I was talking to.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: And in the midst of all that, I'm shaking, I'm thinking like what just happened?
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: My first thought is the refueling station blew up, right?
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: You know, well, I'm standing on the right side of the ship, or the starboard side, and that's where we were refueling.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: So if that wouldn't blown, if that was what blow up, I would be dead.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: That that was my next thought.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: So then the best way that I could explain it to you how it looked is if, you know, when you see in the movies and there's an explosion and you see the smoke and the fire coming toward the actor or whatever, and that person is is trying to flee away.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's how it was when I took a step to my left to see where it happened.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: And as that's coming towards me or towards our group, we start heading out because we want to get to the back of the ship too so we could be outside, you know, not be inside of the ship.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: Well, our executive officer, second in command again, he comes from upstairs and he says, do not go outside.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: We've been hit.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: You know, go to your general quarter station.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: Our general quarter stations are the stations that you go to when the ship is about to fight, or in this case, is have to like uh control any damage that is done to it.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: My general quarter station was radio, which is where I usually work anyway.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I head down that way and I get down there, and my chief at the time, she tells me, look, I don't need you here because there was no power, no electronics.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: She was like, go to your damage control station and help out whatever you can.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: I went there, and in my way to go into the station, the damage control station, I see a blanket that is covering a body.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know why or what made me like, and you need to see who it is, right?
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so I got on my knees, left the blanket, and uh, it was a friend of mine that I used to hang out with.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: And he was hit in so many places that he was you couldn't recognize his face.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: The only reason why I knew who he was is because our uniforms have our name tags and I saw it, and that's when it hit me.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like this is there's lives that that we have lost, and then 19-year-old in me came out and I just started crying because I wanted to go home.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to go home to my mother, right?
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: That's all I knew.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know how long I was in my in my knees, as probably a few seconds, but it felt longer than that.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: And then someone tapped me in the back and said, Hey, he's dead.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: We need to save the ship, we need to save ourselves.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: And to uh in uh in the outside world, and might sound cruel, like get up, but he's dead, but it's what I needed at that moment to snap and go back to all the training that I had and all the things that I needed to do.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: And from there, I went to my uh damage control station, still crying, by the way.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: I still have tears.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: And nobody ever said anything, by the way.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like nobody was like, hey, stop crying.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: We don't cry during during they just, I did my job.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't do nothing spectacular.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't save any lives, I didn't do anything heroic.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: I just did what I was told to do.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: As a 19-year-old, I would just simply look in for guidance.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, do this, do that.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, for the next what seemed like ages, but it was only a few hours.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: I I got to get buckets to get water out of compartments.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: I stood next to a pump that was getting water out of the compartment.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: My job would just simply stand there to make sure it was working.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: I helped out bringing bodies of people injured from one space to the other.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: I even volunteered to take on the personal belongings of some of the bodies, uh, some of the people that passed away, unfortunately.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: I just did whatever, like I said, I didn't do nothing heroic, but I just did what I was told and whatever was needed.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: Just to not prolong the story too much, I'll tell you that like in the next couple of days, we were out of water.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: We were out of food.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: The only food that we had was whatever we had in our ship store.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: So lunch became a Snicker bar.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: Drinking was uh, you know, a bottle of Gatorade that me and you share.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: Going to the toilet was going to the toilet that haven't been flushed in days.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll let you think what that is like.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: And then you add that we were in Yemen where it's 120 degrees in the middle of the day.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: So not the best conditions, right?
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: But I will tell you three things that I learned there that like helped me a lot with my career.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: One was the sense of brotherhood and the sense that we all had each other's back.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: We were struggling, but we were struggling together.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: If you found an extra piece of bread, even if it were just not an extra, it was a piece of bread, you asked me first if I had something to eat before you even took a bike.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: The second thing I learned was that our training matters.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: We did lose 17 people.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: We did get 39 that were injured, but it could have been a lot worse if it wasn't for the men and women that took the training that they had and did everything they could to keep that ship afloat and even save lives.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: And the last thing I learned was that because of what we represent as Americans, there's always people that want to cause us harm.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because, like I said, this was before 9-11.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: 9-11 literally happened the next year.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: And we were at peace.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, that's why we were pulling into all these pores, that's why we were doing all these things that we were doing.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember being so young at the time, and I was like, why would they do that to us?
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember uh E7 at the time of Chief looked me dead in the eye and say, it's and he pointed at the flag and said, It's because of what that flag represents.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: We represent freedom, we represent opportunity.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: And uh that struck with me, like you know, maybe I didn't even understand that as much at that moment, but as I continue to serve, it resonated even more.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: So after being there for five or six days, uh they started bringing out the bodies of those that were that passed away.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I was chosen to bring one of my friends back to his family.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I came a little early.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: And here's where the second part of like really changed my life was when I landed in the US and uh we were mandated by the Navy to go see a psychiatrist and psychologist and to go through exams.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I say it changed my life because I will tell you this, and I'm not ashamed to say this because it's who I was back then.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: I come from a very macho background, Latino, you know, you don't go see counseling, you either solve it by going to a party or going to drink, something to that nature.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: And uh then because the Navy forced me to go, and I started understanding what it is to get mental health.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: And that was a huge step.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I was diagnosed with PTSD right away, and it's something that I have lived with for the rest of my life, right?
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: Where you know, I have flashbacks, I you know, have nightmares from time to time.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um certain things stress me more than others, but it has helped me uh understand that this is something that I'm gonna live with for the rest of my life.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember about 10, 10, 12 years ago, I was going to counseling when I was stationed in England and I was talking to a civilian, you know, counselor, and she said to me, she said, you need to think about your mental health issues like an alcoholic.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, what does that mean?
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: What are we talking here?
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: And she's like, when an alcohol a person that's been an alcoholic is, you know, sober, they count the days.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: They'll tell you, I'm 694 days that I've been sober.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: They don't do it to brag, they do it because they know that any day could be that day, day, you know, and just fall back to it, right?
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: So she said that about my mental health that like I could be good for years.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: No episodes, no nightmares, no nothing.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I could literally have the best day, which for me, a perfect day right now, is spending time with my my two kids overseas somewhere and a soccer match.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: I love doing that.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: I've taken them to many countries and many things to do stuff like that.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I could do that today and then tomorrow feel horrible.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: Feel depressed.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I I needed to understand that.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_00: And then she says something to me about having a purpose.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because at the end of the day, nobody else can take you out of that dark hole unless you have a purpose, a purpose yourself.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: And what I learned through the years is one, and this is goes to being in the military, that my purpose should not be what promotions I get or what rank I get.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because I don't control that.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: I could do all the things that I needed to do, but still someone else have to pick me.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's someone else's choice.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: There might not be enough quotas, that I might not met certain criteria that I thought I did.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, I could not get selected for the next promotion.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: So if I if I put my whole life into like I want to be the highest ranking person, I'm gonna be disappointed.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: So that was one.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: Two, as much as we love our people, our kids, our parents, our spouses, don't make them your purpose.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like that could be part of it, but that shouldn't be your sole purpose.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: And why?
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because we're human, we disappoint people almost every day, one way or another, right?
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: When you do that, when you're in the dark, if you have it, you know, so for example, let's say me and my girlfriend right now, if I make her my purpose, I wanna I wanna live life because I want to make her happy.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: What happens when I don't?
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: And she tells me that she's not happy.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: And what about if it's one of those days that I'm feel so miserable?
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's just gonna compound, and that's when you see suicides, and then that's when you see other stuff.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then the third thing I learned was that it's okay for our purpose to shift with time.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: 18-year-old me, my purpose was you know, live life to the fullest, and and you know, just go into the military and enjoy life.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: And my children were born, right?
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: First my daughter who's 24, and then I have a 12-year-old.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_00: Then it became her.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to be the best dad and everything that I could just for her.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: Those two things haven't gone away, but they they still there.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: Now my purpose is what is my legacy?
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: What am I leaving behind?
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: And not just only financially or or or material, but what what kind of legacy when someone talks about me, what do they say?
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: You know, am I making my mom proud in the sense of if she's standing, if she's sitting in a restaurant and you know, you don't know that she's my mother and you start talking about me, is she gonna be proud of what is coming out of your mouth?
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm not gonna please everybody.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to be everybody's cup of tea.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: But if you every day wake up with the sense of trying to be the best version of yourself, be a good human being, you know, challenge yourself to be better, I I think you could go very far.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know, so so that pretty much is like I try to, you know, and I didn't want to take it too deep.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, but that's pretty much what my book is about because I've been very blessed to have a lot of people in my corner.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: I go to a lot of counseling.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: I've been to counseling for couples, I've been to counseling for um my PTSD, I've been to counseling for anger man, I've been to counseling for a mirage of things.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: And all I could tell you is those things do work.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: And they work as long as you want to try.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because I could go and say you're my counselor, I could go and tell you all my problems.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: And you could give me suggestions.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: But if I don't apply them, there's nothing that's gonna happen.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: So, so that that's pretty much in a nutshell my you know, my life really quick, and then a little bit of uh what the book is about.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_01: No, Maury, thank you for sharing that.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_01: There's a lot to unpack there because, and I'm just sitting here, I'm putting myself in your shoes as you're describing all of this, and you have a very unique perspective.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I've had a couple individuals on the podcast who are former former military backgrounds, army, different things.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: I and one thing they all say because we get into this is finding your purpose when you're done, because it's it's so different from going from that day-to-day brother.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I kind of, you know, I did I was not in the military, but I did play sports.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: So that was my brotherhood, the locker room.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember graduating college and being like, dang, where are my friends at?
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: Like, where are my boys at?
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: You know, all of a sudden things change so fast, and you're trying to figure out things on your own.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_01: And it's even elevated from the military standpoint, especially when you experience something like you did, and all of a sudden you're trying to figure out life and next steps, you know, away from your team, which I'm assuming is way different.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_01: But you also, you also migrated here from another country.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I just one of my questions to you is it's it's so refreshing to hear you talk about this because, you know, as as bad as things seem sometimes, it's always refreshing to hear, especially guys from the military, and they're like, dude, we're we're the we're the best country in the world.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like the opportunities here, you don't realize how good we have it.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_01: But it's because a lot of times you've seen and experienced things that people like me, we're spoiled, you know, like you're keeping us from seeing those things, and we appreciate that, but we don't see it and experience it.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_01: So sometimes we get a little crazy in the head and we're, you know, we're like things suck, you know, and feels blah, blah, blah.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm curious to know with when growing up before you got to America, and like what were your thoughts of America?
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_01: And then even being here for as long as you have now and being in the military, do you ever still feel like the Dominican is your home?
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_01: Like, because I've never experienced having to move, and I don't know what that's like, but do you still have like a piece of your heart there?
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_01: Or have you been, have you fully transitioned and and I don't know.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_00: I just what is that feeling like?
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: No, that that's a great question, actually.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: So to answer the first question as far as what what I thought America was.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: So it was the dream.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: It was, you know, of course, like anything else, good or bad, what we see of other places, usually what we see on TV, right?
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: What what is portrayed to us.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: And for the most part, everything I saw will be what is in the movies, right?
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, that that, you know, so for example, like something as funny as like coming to America, um, you know, like and and seeing the skyscrapers from New York and, you know, see them dressed like a certain way, or seeing, you know, him working in Mickey D's and me wanting to, you know, for us back then at least, to eat in McDonald's, first of all, back then, when I was in my 12, 13, there was probably only like three McDonald's in the entire Dominican Republic.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: So like that was a luxury to even go to McDonald's.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so there was this belief that like, and then other Dominicans will come from the US and go for vacation or whatever, back to DR, and you will see them dressing better, have better clothes, have money, you know.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so, so the image was if I want to live life better, I need to move.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_00: So when my mother remarried and she said that she was gonna come to the US, I was like, I can't wait.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like, like, I didn't know what I was getting myself into, but I just knew it was better.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like that just what I had in my head, right?
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then the then then to answer your question is that time has gone past.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: One, it's definitely a part of what I thought because my life has become better.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: There's I I couldn't have the degrees that I have or the gone to the countries that I have if I'm not have come to the US.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like I never, I never um take that for granted because I understand, yeah, do I have to play my part?
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I had to go to the military.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I had to go to school.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like I did my part, but there's a lot of people in the Dominican Republic that are willing to work just as hard as me, but they don't have the opportunity, right?
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I take I always took that very like to heart.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like I I have an opportunity that not everybody does, right?
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_00: I can only think about my eye, you know, where I come from.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what I used to think of.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: There's eight million people in the Dominican Republic, and it's a ton that will want to be here just to get the opportunity, and they can.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I did, so I wanted to milk it for all that it was, right?
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I got my degrees, I got opportunities for my children, um, I traveled over the world, like all that.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll tell you that I still resonate with a lot of things from the Dominican Republic.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to go back.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I think because the main reason I think why is because both of my parents are here.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then I left at 14.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_00: So like I don't have, even now, when I go back, I usually just go to a resort.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_00: I don't go to a house because I don't have a house, a place to go to, right?
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: But I do have a lot of the culture.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: I I still leave my rising beans like from the Dominican Republic.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: I have to have my plantain.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_00: I love dance in merengue and bachata and salsa.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I have the culture in my heart and in my head, but I don't want to go back.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_00: This is home.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: This is what I know, right?
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_00: That the US is where I grew up, and my children are here.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that that that makes a big difference too.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever your children are, you set roots.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, you know, yeah, I my children still, my daughter, for example, she's in Virginia, it's still a flight away.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually a longer flight from Virginia to Vegas than it is from Virginia to the to the DR.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_00: But this is home for us.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_00: My kids are Americans.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: They were born and raised here, so this is what they know.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_00: But I still do instill a lot of our culture because they're Dominican kids, right?
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like they're born in the US, but their heritage, it goes back to that.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I'm very blessed to be here.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm very blessed to be, you know, join the military and all the things that I have gathered from it.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_00: But there's still a very big part of me that is this Dominican to the way I talk, my mannerisms, to the way that the food that I eat, and even the sense of adventure that I have, because like the military took me to a lot of places, but then I took the advantage of like then going to places.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_00: So for example, when I was stationed in Sicily, yes, military put me in Italy, Sicily.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: But then I went to 20 other countries on my own.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like I would just simply go for the weekend and go to Poland or go to Austria, you know.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: So that sense of that kid that wanted to sit see the world when he was 14 still there today.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_01: That's a cool that's that's such a cool perspective.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_01: Because again, I've I'm putting myself in your shoes and just trying to imagine all of that as someone who's never even touched what you've experienced.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_01: And it's right, it's cool that you got to see like your parents come here.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_01: You wanted to come here.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_01: So you were kind of in the middle, and then now you now it's probably such a joy knowing that your kids are growing up here.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_01: There, there's no transition they have to have.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_01: And but I'm sure they're I'm sure that they've appreciated the stories you've shared and the grandparents and what they've shared, just how different things were for them growing up compared to how they're growing up.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I and I like to call it bringing down to earth because they spoil, and it's my fault.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I'm taking them to DR, and although we have stayed in the fancy, you know, hotel, we also come out and have gone to where I grew up.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember my daughter, she made this face like, you lived here?
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Yes.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_00: Just to kind of show her, like, this is where I come from.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_00: So when I tell you that I have sacrificed or that your grandmother's sacrifice to get us here, this is the roots of it.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like, yes, I still went to school.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's nothing like I wasn't like in a jungle or anything like that.
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_00: But I didn't have I have hand-me-down shoes, and I'm talking about for like two, three generations of hand-me-down.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I had to wear the the pairs, you know, of pants that I was wearing today is because the ones from yesterday they're being washed so I could wear it because I only got two, right?
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_00: Or or I remember eating just rice with ketchup.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_00: Not because it was the most delicious thing, it's because that's all we had, right?
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I I tell her all the time, like, I don't want you to live like weight.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I sacrifice, but I want you to know where I come from.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_00: That it can, you know, to to appreciate that, like, there's so many people out there, and even people here in the US.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because let's not get it twisted.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of people that are struggling in our country as well, right?
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: There might not be to that level of struggle.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_00: There's also I was poor, but at least I was not homeless.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_00: That's homeless people here, right?
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_00: So, so I like to to teach my children, like, you guys have all this because the sacrifices that your parents are doing.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um but it could be worse.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_00: And you could be from these uh the these things and to to for them to have a better appreciation of life.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it's interesting your point there of like like what you think is bad here is even worse there, if you want to compare the way you say it.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_01: So that's just again, just it's such an interesting perspective because you experienced it.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_01: But Amori, what question directly about your book?
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_01: Was there someone who motivated you to write it, or was that a personal journey where you were like, hey, I I need to put this out there in case, you know, someone else, you know, maybe someone else in the Dominican reads it and it maybe they can make this a dream of theirs, or who, you know, who motivated you and where did that purpose come from to put this book out there?
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so great question.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_00: Again, it's uh I I was lucky enough that in my last command that I went to the Navy back in 2022, um, there was a new program that were just coming out called Warrior Toughness.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_00: And pretty much what it was was a class where you go and teach sailors about resiliency.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_00: We were having a lot of suicides, we were having a lot of issues, and the Navy wanted to come out with something that like, you know, that that give uh sailors tools on how to deal with high pressure, with the bumps in the road that you're gonna have in life, right?
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like whether it's a sibling passing away or having, you know, being shot at because you're you are in the middle of something, a conflict.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: And the the course required three key elements require to talk about your soul.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_00: So you had a chaplain that was trained to do that.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_00: Then you had the psychology part of it, and we had a psychiatrist, psychologist that works on that part, and then they needed a warrior.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_00: And the warrior is usually someone that's in the military that has gone through stuff.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember checking into my new command, and my senior lit enlisted guy was like, he read my bio, was like, you were in the coal, and I was like, Yeah.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_00: And he was like, You've still been at like 20, 22 years now.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like, You will be perfect for this class.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_00: At the time, I haven't even heard of it.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_00: And so, anyway, so I was selected to do that, and my job was I will I will go to all these different commands and speak about resiliency and having a purpose.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember that little by little, every time I will leave, someone will be like, You should write a book.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_00: And I just, you know, I I felt like the same way you feel after you are singing in the shower, and sometimes someone tells you, You're really good, you should go an American Idol, and you're like, You're just being nice right now, you know, like I would I would just singing in the shower.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_00: Come on now.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_00: Uh so like I just took it like that, but it just kept happening.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then and then I remember that I went to speak in uh in one of like a big assembly where there was a lot of people there, you know, there were even instructors in uh in the Navy college, like professors with PhDs and all this, and wrote they have wrote books about all kinds of things, and I I was getting the same comments.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I remember saying to myself, I went and did a good quick Google search and said, uh, you know, how many words do you, you know, uh a regular biography kind of book has?
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember the average was about uh seven um 70,000 words.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I said to myself, I'm gonna write start writing.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_00: If I get to that point, if my story is enough to get to that, then I'll pursue the going through the book.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_00: And as I started writing, I started remembering more stories and more things, and and next thing I knew, within three months, I was at the quote unquote amount of words, and it flew.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like I would I'd had someone read it and I I had like three people read it actually before I even went to a publisher.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_00: And uh they were all like, yeah, it's it's it it's it it's cohesion, like you could understand that it's from and it goes from point A to point Z.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I still need a helper, grammar grammar, and all this different stuff, right?
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_00: But like the point was there.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_00: And as I was writing it, I kept going back to my own words about I went to counseling for this, and I and I had this person and I had Chris to, you know, help me with this.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I started noticing how much you know taking care of your mental health allows you then to be able to achieve all these other things, right?
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_00: So that's really what it was.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then like I just, you know, went to a publisher and I went through the process, but it was it was that it was teaching that class and having sailors even telling me, I remember in one class that I was teaching in San Diego, one guy put me to the side and he was like, Hey, can you go with me to the hospital?
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because I want to talk to someone right now.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what I will do if I don't talk to someone.
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_00: And to me, that was so impactful that like if if I could get one person from not committing suicide or from not doing something crazy, then I did my job.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_00: Then it was worth it.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, and and you know, I I wrote it and and I thought about my experience.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_00: I threw in some things there about my life and about, you know, even some funny stories and and things that I that I'd gone through.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_00: But my my biggest thing was to give people hope in the sense of like you could go through a lot and have a lot of obstacles, but you can still be very successful if you decide to put your mind to it and try to do and try to become the best version of yourself.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_01: Well, man, I'm so glad you wrote wrote the book, and I'm so glad it's out there, and I'm glad we're I'm glad you're thankful that you're a part of our mission of putting that, this, this type of story out there so people can read it and and find hope in maybe a difficult situation or find some motivation to wake up another day, you know, to take another step and to get through some things and and maybe to see someone else go through tough stuff and see how they overcame that.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that's what this is all about.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_01: And so, man, Amori, this has been such an impactful conversation that I think a lot of people are gonna find something from in a positive way.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_01: And man, just so, so proud and thankful that that you were able to come on today and share your story because again, I it's got my it's got me thinking about a lot of things and putting things in perspective to be thankful for.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, at the very least, I think a lot of other people who watch or listen to this too are gonna have similar thoughts.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_01: And again, man, keep doing what you're doing, keep sharing your story, keep putting that out there because I think I think a lot of people can be impacted in a positive way from it.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate it, Chris.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_00: As uh it's it's very meaningful to have the opportunity to just have a conversation and and share because, like, as you said, um it it just perspectives, right?
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, right.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not here to try to tell you that life is easy.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not here to try to tell you that the way I did things is the right way, for that matter.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_00: I have messed up a lot.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm not here to judge or tell anybody how to do things.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_00: I would just simply ask people to look within and to try to be the best that they could be and to have hope, right?
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_00: Find those people in your corner.
• 38:45
  SPEAKER_00: We always have one or two.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_00: We might not understand it or even see it at first, but we all we always have people in our corner that won the best for us.
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_00: And those are the people that will push you, even if it's just a little bit harsh at times, but they're just the people that will hold you accountable and just be grateful because we we as long as you're here, that means that you're able to take that next step, as you said.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_01: Well, man, I don't I can't think of a better way to end it off that message right there.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_01: So we appreciate it, Amori.
• 39:14
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.