Latest / The Parent Tap / Predator Pipelines: Is Your Phone Actually Raising Your Teen?

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Predator Pipelines: Is Your Phone Actually Raising Your Teen? · The Parent Tap

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: So, what is the actual tactical damage that unregulated iPad, phone, TV time is doing to a household's baseline behavior?
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Are kids the problem or are they just mirroring our own digital addictions?
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_01: As far as the damage that XS screen time has done and will do if not talked about and addressed, it really can't be understated.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: Man, oh man, what is a glitchy household look like to me?
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I mean, certainly one that does not advocate conversation and is just quick to go into problem solver mode before we do reverse engineering as far as where the problem may be coming from.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: So, for example, when it comes to a lot of the things that I speak to my clients about as a teacher, it has to do with the world of what I'll call internet's compulsive behaviors.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sure we could fill in the blanks from there, right?
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: And it's a world that understandably is not the most comfy or sometimes it's awkward to talk about, understandably.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: But the more we're just sort of leading with a sense of shame and just don't do this, we're missing out on an opportunity to get to know where this behavior might be coming from.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: To make a long story short, when it comes to my experience as both a coach, as a teacher, but also as someone in my past that has had a history with compulsive behaviors related to the internet, I know what it's like to be feeling certain ways and not really knowing who I could turn to, not really knowing if it was safe to turn anyone, therefore causing some behavioral glitches, let's call them, right?
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: And one thing that I'm a huge advocate for is if you want to get rid of the glitches, like you have to do some reverse engineering.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like you have to delete a lot of things off of your devices.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: Some of those things include that sense of shame.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, this isn't how I raised you.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how could you watch this filth without getting to know or at least remembering what the most important piece of the puzzle is, and that is your child.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm speaking directly to a parent who might have a child who they believe is getting involved in some sort of compulsive behaviors and not really knowing how to go about it.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: That's where I come in.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: Again, my name is Chris Rogers.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: I have a program called Rebooted Teen, and that's essentially what we talk about.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: So all the awkward questions that you might not know how to word, I got you.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: That's where we come in.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: Awesome.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: That sounds great.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that growing up in the era, it seems like, I mean, you might be younger than me, but we're in probably in the same era where the internet was kind of at his infancy, and we grew up in that age where, you know, we were online a lot, AOL, instant message.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm thinking of spending a lot of time hanging out with people and like even gambling back in the day.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: I used to play gamble, like poker online when it was legal.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: And like, so that was a little bit of an addiction I got into personally, just in addition to like spending a massive amount of time on post like forums and aim and all the social media stuff that was social media before social media actually became what it is now.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, so I could see how kids, even now, like it's so much has evolved since that time where it's just like, oh my gosh, there's so much out there.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: I could see how just narrowing in on the addiction of the internet could be one thing itself, but then there's so many other addictions that people have.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about the main culprit.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: So the screen and the dopamine that we're getting.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: And by I've had some other guests that talk about just how it's like it's programmed to be that way, right?
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: We scroll, like we do scroll for a reason because it's like the algorithm is like targeting us and it knows what we want.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: And so, what is the actual tactical damage that unregulated iPad, phone, TV time is doing to a household's baseline behavior?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, when it comes to this particular generation, and I say this to people in our generation, older perhaps, with when we even have like the best intentions of the world, when we're using a line like when I was your age, even when you're trying to lend a helping hand, right?
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: We have to understand that phrase doesn't relate or doesn't fit as neatly as it perhaps once did.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: Because it is what it is.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we're talking about a level of stimulation in 24-7X.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I'm from New York, we call it the city that never sleeps.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: We have the city that never sleeps in your pocket at all times.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: So we're talking about a level of exposure that we truly have never seen before.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: Just to take it in this direction for a moment.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: I remember looking at my students in the middle of the pandemic, right?
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: And like teaching online and noticing how they changed, of course, due to the isolation and all the craziness going on, but literally based on the screen time.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: Because what were we teaching around that time?
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: It's like here is everything that you could ever really want or need.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: You have your school on a screen, you have your entertainment on a screen, you have your your family and friends, your community is here too.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: All the information you could ever want or need, your sense of comfort can be found here.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: And having to unlearn that after we made it such an important part of our culture at that time, especially when you're very young, it's absolutely played a role.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: So understanding that a lot of criticism that perhaps a generation like Gen Z or Gen Alpha might receive, oh, all they do is just scroll on their phones and whatever.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: And while that may be true, well, we also have to keep in mind that it's not necessarily their fault.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: This was the world and the culture that was built for them.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's the culture and the world that they were born into, right?
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: So meeting them where they're at in that respect is going to do a lot of good as far as knowing how to meet them where they are, right?
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: But as far as because of that, a lot of the damage, I mean, there was literally a study done that this is the first generation that scored lower overall scholastically than the generation that came before them.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: It's one of the first that's happened in history, and one of the common reasons why, or one of the primary things to go to is that excessive screen time.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we're talking about dopamine, yes, but particularly within the world that I talk about, we can of course attest to things like social media and just the expectations that go along with that, like that serious FOMO that we've been conditioned to experience if we're not constantly sharing everything, if we're not constantly aware of what's happening in the world at all times.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: But within the world that I come from, especially when you add a sexual aspect to it, there's a lot to be said as far as how it impacts the brain.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: So I can nerd out for two seconds as far as literally what it does.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: We use the word dopamine, so just we're all on the same page, it's the feel-good hormone, right?
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's where motivation comes from and addiction and compulsive behaviors wouldn't exist had dopamine not been part of it, right?
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: But particularly when we're talking about the world of like sexually compulsive behaviors related to the internet, we're talking about other chemicals involved called norepinephrine, we're talking about prolectin.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: And that's a really interesting one because when you act out, that is a chemical that surges and is released.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: And it gives us this sense of like the task has been accomplished.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like I got what I was looking for.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: I don't need to work anymore.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: I've reached the finish line.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: And when we are constantly releasing that chemical, there is a sense of perhaps entitlement that is manifested because of that.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: Because we're so used to receiving that particular chemical, the job is done, I got what I wanted.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: So then when we're faced with the real world, after being so used to that immediate gratification, it can hit us like a train, like just 10 times harder.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: And there's excess anxiety, there's excess frustration, there's excess isolation, like not really knowing how to cope with your own thoughts and emotions without the dependency on a screen.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: We can continue to go down the road of like which chemicals are involved, but what I'm a huge advocate for is that sense of balance.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not suggesting let's all go to the old country and go back to horses and buggies and candles, but there's that sense of balance, right?
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: Where a phone is a tool, an iPad is a tool, a computer is a tool, not a toy.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: So being able to use it in a healthy way that benefits our life, but doesn't ultimately become it.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: So those are the types of things that we talk about in the program.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_01: But as far as the damage that XS screen time has done and will do if not talked about and addressed, it really can't be understated.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: That is that's wild.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a former teacher myself, so like I I take those stats to heart and I feel for the kids growing up in this generation because there is that it's almost like a stigma where it's like, oh my god, you're always on your phone, or you're always like like I get that my my one-year-old that uses a tablet.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna be honest, I'm one of those parents because I'm like, it's either that or he throws he has a meltdown all day.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: And so like I need, I need like my like sanity breaks.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm sorry, but if Blippy helps my one-year-old calm down for a little bit, he's gonna get my tablet for a bit.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, that's just how I am.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: But I get like I could I could get how the overuse of it is just like they become like almost in like Wally where they're just these mindless drones of like they're not thinking for themselves, they're not doing anything, they're just sitting on a couch all day, and they could be like that on our weekends.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: If I let my kids have that technology, that's what they would do.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: But I think like at the as a parent, like like you said, there's a balance to it, and you know, and that you kind of answer my next question without even knowing it, which is crazy because of the next question was like, How do you do that detox?
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: And you kind of answer that.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: But the withdrawal period can be brutal, right?
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: So, like parents take the screens away, the kids lose their minds, mine would scream, throw tempered hands rooms, I have two toddlers.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: It probably different with teenagers, probably more of the back talk, or I don't know, just the rebellion of that.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: So, what is your blueprint for surviving that initial pushback when parents are trying to go through that withdrawal detox period?
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, for my money, the best defense is a good offense.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_01: So a really practical example, and this might be a quote unquote hot take, but in the name of the phone or iPad is a tool, not a toy, odds are pretty darn high.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: When you have a child on the household, their phone, their iPad, they didn't purchase the they didn't purchase it themselves, right?
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: So it came from you.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I would advocate for if you're going to give your child advice, maybe wait a couple years.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: But when you do have that conversation, have them understand that this I'm giving to you, but don't get it twisted.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_01: This is mine.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm letting you have it.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: Now, if I want to just make sure that things are safe and like like things are working properly, I have the right to do that.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: I paid for this, I'm letting you have it.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: This is your responsibility to take care of, but understand that this is mine.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: Now, starting out with that set of standards and expectations from the jump will absolutely increase the likelihood of that sense of secrecy down the line, which is one of those red flags where someone might be exploring in certain areas of the internet that might prove to be unhealthy for them, right?
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: So starting off with that expectation.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: But as far as in a practical sense, again, like, okay, cool story, Chris, but like how do you actually implement that sense of balance?
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of what I talk about and a lot of what my clients and I discuss when it comes to the rebooted team program is not so much the thing or the unwanted or problematic behavior itself, but the place from which it's coming from.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_01: So let's take screen time as an example, right?
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: All I do, it's like the Instagram reels, even Facebook reels nowadays, I get it, falling down that rabbit hole.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_01: We've all fallen victim to it.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: But when you're talking to somebody as far as trying to break away from a particular behavior, what does that do for you beyond just the hit of the behavior itself?
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: What's the internal thing that is motivating the external behavior?
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: That is the star of the show.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: So when we're talking about a recovery process, it's not simply, okay, I'm gonna do this instead of that.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna do X instead of Y.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like, all right, instead of scrolling on my phone, I'm gonna read a book.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: Instead of watching something inappropriate on the internet, I'm going to take a cold shower.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, okay, cool, you can do those things, but there's still that thing.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_01: There's still that internal thing that's left unaddressed or unchallenged or unprocessed.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: What's happening internally to the point where it's affecting you externally through conversations and through curiosity, and this is what we talk about in the program, that's the star of the show.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's like the more aware you are of what that thing or things, plural, are or is, you have a higher likelihood of doing something about it.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: You have a higher likelihood of regaining that sense of control.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: Because again, it's not the thing necessarily.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's not the behavior, but the place from which it's coming from.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: So as far as just a rabbit with a bow, what can parents do?
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_01: Remember, when you open up conversations, that's the star of the show.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's not the thing, but the place from which it's coming from.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: Getting curious about that.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love that explanation.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so you alluded to this a little bit, but parents, we're we're on our phones constantly checking work or TikTok or whatever, and for hours a night.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like I know I definitely do this.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: I sit on the couch with my kids, they're watching whatever, I'm watching whatever.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: We're there together, but we're not really like in the moment, present moment.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: So are kids the problem, or are they just mirroring our own digital addictions?
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_01: That's a great question.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: Children are sponges.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_01: There's a reason why that cliche exists, right?
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I just give you a personal story.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like, one of the funniest things that a student ever did was dress up as me for Halloween.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: It was like an honor in a way, but it was just like they nailed me.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_01: Like they got me down to a T.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_01: The lesson being, even if you think they're not, they're watching, they're taking notes.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: They may not like consider it, like, okay, dad does this, dad says that.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna do that too.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_01: It's just you we're adaptive creatures, right?
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: We're animals, we adapt to our environment.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's how things work here.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, those are the expectations.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's how I get what I want.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: You adapt to your environment.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: So it's not that children are the problem, it's that they don't have the skills to consider their own values first, because that is what needs to be demonstrated.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: That's what needs to be modeled.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: So again, it's sometimes, yeah, we're just gonna chill, we're gonna watch TV, watch a Bluey video, like I'm gonna do my thing over here.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: If you need something, let me know.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: Time and place.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, when there is that sense of like something's off here, when we say something to our child, like, hey, maybe try something else, other than watch something on your iPad or be on your phone, but we're still continue let me take it back.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: Let's we're still continuing to uh scroll limitlessly on our own.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: Then we're kind of in this place of like, do as I say, not as I do.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: And it's stuff like that.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_01: Again, a child will kind of like sniff out.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: Not as a matter of like, we gotta be paranoid and be perfect all the time.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_01: It's just again, it's just that sense of what do I want?
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_01: And what other things can I do to get like that particular feeling that maybe scrolling would give me.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_01: So whether it's a sense of excitement or being knowledgeable of what's going on in the world or just having a sense of fun or adventure, whatever it happens to be.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's like conversations about that.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_01: So that way they're not seeing scrolling on their iPad or phone as the only option to achieve those types of things.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_01: Does that make sense?
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, totally.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's something I need to be more cognizant of myself, is because I do get in that habit of I'm checking work emails or I'm I'm setting up the next pod or I'm editing on my laptop while the kids are playing or whatever, and I'm just sort of in my own little world, and I don't want them to completely mirror that behavior, right?
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_00: And they're I work at home too, so it's kind of a tough distinction sometimes between like work life and home life because it mixes a lot.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: I have sick kids a lot, so sometimes I'm working while they're here, and it's like it's kind of hard, but it's definitely something to be aware of and something to think about.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: I think as we're raising kids to just like not be constantly like just focusing on a phone and like I know personally, like too, I have a relationship with my with my spouse, my wife.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm on the phone all the time and she's talking to me, it feels like it kind of and vice versa.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: It almost feels like you're not really giving that person the time of day or the attention they need, and it's almost like disrespectful in a way, you know what I mean?
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like it and so I I don't know if our parent or our kids perceive it that way, but it but I do I definitely do as an adult sometimes where it's like someone's just buried in their phone, you're like, oh my god, are you gonna like pay attention to me, you know?
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe our kids feel a little bit like that too.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_00: Do you think getting into the next question, do you think that there is such a thing as educational screen time?
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: Let's throw in like Miss Rachel, flippy, bluey, whatever, or whatever you want to call it.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you just think it's kind of an excuse parents like tell themselves so they can cook dinner in peace or do whatever they want to do in peace?
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_01: The answer is both, right?
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's shout out to Miss Rachel, absolute OG.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_01: Her videos have been played in my classes many, many times.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: Every night, but again, it's the intention.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_01: Is it to we were talking about that sense of press, or you were alluding to that sense of presence.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I'm with my wife, but I'm not really with my wife.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's like I'm with my son or my daughter, but I'm not really with them, right?
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_01: Is it to actually have them learn something or have the screen be a babysitter?
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_01: And there's no wrong answer, it's just some sense of like what's your intention, right?
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_01: And here's the thing, I mean, like the child will learn.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's like they'll certainly learn whatever is coming from the screen, but yeah, this is what I'm talking about.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like the screen is a tool, not a toy, and that goes for us too, you know what I'm saying?
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, again, just to reiterate, the expectation isn't to do it perfect, but it is important to point out our own relationship with our own devices as someone who wants to raise someone in this generation where having a screen kind of on your person at all times is kind of the expectation.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_01: It's kind of a norm.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: So if you find yourself, it's like you ever feel like, or I can certainly speak for myself, if I'm somewhere without my phone, like let's say, like, I remember I was at a party once, and I realized maybe a couple minutes into the party, like I was doing the little tap on my pants, and I left my phone in the car.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm just like, I whatever, I'm at a party.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's not like I'll get it later.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_01: But within like a couple minutes of realizing that, I noticed how I felt.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like I felt a little weird.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I noticed like a tendency that I have where it's like maybe if there's a lull in conversation or whatever, or it's like, but you kind of like drift along from circle to circle if it's like a party or whatever, and maybe I'm kind of like searching for a circle or whatever, and sometimes if I couldn't find one, I'll just kind of like scroll for a couple minutes, and I didn't have that thing.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: So there I was just being just feeling a little awkward, and that's okay.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_01: Life is awkward sometimes, and really, I mean, if we find that perhaps it has been this medicinal thing, if we're trying to take ourselves out of a moment of boredom, or out of a moment of anxiousness, or out of a moment of just feeling awkward, we're missing out on an opportunity to listen.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_01: We're missing out on an opportunity to stretch our comfort zone a little bit.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_01: We're missing out on an opportunity to try something new.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's where our our ideas come from within my own work, and again, I'm not perfect at this, but like I almost anticipate being bored, which sounds maybe a little weird, but that's where the ideas come from.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: When you give your brain The chance to simply be your brain.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: When you give it the opportunity to let it marinate, like all the stimulation that it's been introduced to, both in person and on a screen, and you give it a chance to chill out and take it all in, it's like just constantly throwing food in your mouth.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: But it's like, yeah, you can do that, but after a while, your stomach's gonna be like, oh, like enough.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_01: And the same that's gone for the brain.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_01: It might seem like an oversimplification, but if you give yourself every now and again, you know, some people call it a digital detox, some people have another fancy term for it, but man oh man, it can be such a healthy thing, especially when you're younger.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's not so much, I'll give you a little sneak peek.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we say, like, you know, no phones in class.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, we don't want our students to be distracted when it's time to focus on something, but it gives their brain the most of it, it gives us the highest chance to actually take in what's being taught to them, what's actually happening right there in front of them.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_01: And if we're always conditioning ourselves to choose distraction over discussion, it could manifest in other aspects of our lives.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't want to take it too far, but it starts with just those basic self-awareness principles.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: Huh.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'm feeling weird right now.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: I'm feeling a little awkward right now.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_01: Can I give myself the grace in just experiencing this for a couple of minutes?
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that those are things that we can demonstrate.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_01: Again, it doesn't need to be let's all grow beards and go live in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, and go back to the Amas country.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_01: But again, finding that sense of balance, like using our technology, but not losing our humanity at the same time, which includes the awkward moments.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, totally.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's almost like what do I do with my hands when you don't have your phone?
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I've sensed that too.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like, there's definitely an awkward moment when you're socializing and the conversation, there's a lull in the conversation, you're like, oh, let me pull up my phone and let me scroll because this is what I'm so used to doing.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: And it's almost like akin to my children's like stuffed animals that they carry around.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like if a one-year-old he carries a stuffed animal, carries George around all the time.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: And if he doesn't have it, he's like flipping out looking for it.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, I do the same thing.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if I don't have my freaking phone, I'm pressing my watch to find my phone because I'm like, where is it?
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: Is it on the couch?
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: Or I have that panic moment.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's almost like, man, kids, I uh they're definitely picking up on that.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_00: And so is there a social cost to all this though?
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: I know we're talking about the detox and and everything that goes into it, but is there a social cost for kids where they're gonna be ostracized at school or made fun of or made to feel they're different because their parents have these rules in place for them?
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_01: Probably.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_01: But at the end of the day, I'd rather my child be looked at in a strange way than have them walk around with this conditioned sense of escapism.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like what I mean by that is I mean, it goes like the old cliche, like our parents used to tell us, it's like, oh, if all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you go and join them?
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: Just because something is popular does not mean it's good.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_01: Just because something is popular doesn't mean it's healthy, right?
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_01: We know this logically, but in a practical sense, it's like it's the norm, right?
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_01: And particularly with this generation, and which is why I advocate for them so hard, and I want to really just shout from the mountaintops.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_01: We're talking about a generation who does not know what life is like pre-social media.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_01: And the reason why that matters so much is because, at least for you and I, I bro, I remember when I made my first Mice Base and how big of a deal that was.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I had like one of my cool friends like, like, like help make it for me, and we did the whole thing.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_01: But now you're in a world when you're born into this generation, there's like this unwritten expectation that you are now a performer on a worldwide virtual stage.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_01: So that sense of FOMO, like that sense of not talking about like the excess stimulation, it's at a different level to the point where it's not just an option.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's like you can have a Facebook if you want to, you can have a TikTok if you want to.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's like the expectation.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's just like this is just how it's done.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_01: Adapt, right?
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_01: So it's really that I want to be aware of.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I'm not gonna tell a parent how to be a parent, like it's up to you, but understand, like statistically speaking, and particularly the world that I come from, if you're concerned about influences like adult content, for example, the age of exposure is becoming younger and younger.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_01: Even on apps that seem seemingly innocent on the surface.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_01: I'll call out a few, like TikTok, Discord, YouTube, Instagram, Snapchat, it's probably the biggest instigator, adult content will and have slipped through the cracks.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_01: And if there's not conversations about like, here is what pornography is, and here's what life is, or here's what sex is, here's what it isn't, here's healthy ways that you can access the internet, and here's how you know that things are becoming compulsive.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_01: Literally, all that means is I wanna stop, or I wanna maybe create some healthy distance, but I feel weird when I do.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like I, you know what I'm saying?
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like I feel awkward when I don't have this thing.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's just a matter of that self-awareness, like what's happening internally to the point where it's affecting me externally.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_01: It really comes down to conversations about that, and that's really that it's like if I could have like a skywriter and like have it like give like a message out there, the phrase that often comes to mind for me, and I use this with clients all the time, it's that culture of curiosity, both when it comes to conversations with our children, but also when it comes to conversations with ourselves.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: Again, it goes back to that primary sentiment, what's going on internally to the point where it's affecting me externally, whether it's with how I speak to my partner or how I manage my finances or how my relationship to my screen and it can apply to virtually anything.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_01: But one thing to really be aware of is while there might be some stigma attached to being the kid without a smartphone, I I think that's okay.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_01: I think that is there's more to my child than what they have or don't have because I love them for who they are.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that they deserve to know that.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, that's a great point.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I can relate to that.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I grew up in a private school, or I went to a private school as a k as a child, I should say.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_00: And so I had a lot of friends that were very well off playing for professional sports, that kind of thing.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: And my parents were middle class, nothing wrong with that.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: But compared to those other friends, I felt like, oh my god, I don't have anything.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so what you're saying kind of reminds me of that.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: I was made fun of for not having cable TV or not having a new car.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_00: My parents drove old junky cars, and so you know, you you get over it though.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's not like life or death, you know, in that moment it might seem like, oh my god, this sucks.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_00: But it's also one of those things that like you look up, look back on it now, and I'm like, I used to run from my parents when they picked me up from school because they had an old crabby car, and now it's like, who cares?
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like the world, like you lose that vanity as you grow up.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you just don't care what people think anymore.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so I remember my sixth sixth grade self being like, that was my biggest worry in life, was like, oh my god, I'm so afraid what so-and-so's gonna think.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I I don't know, I just I wish we could kill that mentality.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_01: No, that that really resonates with me because I was in a very, very similar spot.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's like I I grew up on Long Island, New York, and it's crazy to think about like it's one of the more expensive places to live in the world.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_01: I am not well off.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_01: I was not born that way.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_01: That just happened to be where I was raised.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_01: But a lot of the culture there is very much like keeping up with the Joneses, kind of like looking over your neighbor's yard and kind of seeing what they have and really taking it to heart if you don't have it as well.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_01: So I totally feel you.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, my parents would give me like I got made fun of one time so bad for like my mom like gave me like raw cheese in my lunchbox.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_01: It was like like like in the plastic and just like a slice of cheese.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_01: And it was like one of my friends at my lunch table was like, Did your mom give you raw cheese?
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I just thought it was normal.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_01: But then once someone told me it was quote unquote weird, suddenly I saw both her and myself in a different way.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like I truly took what other people saw in me or thought of me to heart.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_01: We remember how volatile of an age adolescence was and is.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_01: And especially when you add an element like screen time, there's this expectation and kind of be in the know of not just what's happening socially, but around the world.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_01: Like, there's this that's what I'm talking about, like this keeping up with the challenges, FOMO, whatever you want to call it.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's at a different level that you and I did not grow up with.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, I but as someone who's kind of seen this movie before, just in the sense of like, hey, while their specific circumstances might be different, and the clothes may be different, and the slang may be different, and the pastime activities and the devices used may be different technology, I'm with you.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's you're enough as you are, and while there might be some behaviors that have proven to be unhealthy or compulsive or at the very least problematic, what I tell parents all the time is that you're the captain of your team, but your teammates nonetheless.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_01: You know, when we're talking about how do I open up conversations about these otherwise awkward or uncomfortable subjects, the thing to keep in mind, it's not you versus your child, it's you and your child together versus that problem.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, keeping up with the Jones is FOMO, it's for the birds.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_01: So, yeah.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_01: So I I hear all that is to say, I totally hear where you're coming from.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, that makes total sense.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I appreciate you breaking that down for us.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_00: It seems like there's so much to talk about in the world, in your world of addiction, and we kind of just scratched the surface with just talking, mocus mo more focusing on the lens of kids and and teens, perhaps, but there's so much more I think to talk about in your line of work.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_00: But where can the audience find your reboot framework?
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_00: We can get to know more about you and and contact you for your services.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, for sure.
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, if you are a parent who, like I said, has a child or children who might have developed an unhealthy relationship with the internet, particularly if there's a sexual aspect involved.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_01: But this is my world, so you're not gonna scare me away.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_01: I talk about this all the time, having been a teacher, a recovery coach, and also someone who has recovered in their own life.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I come from both head knowledge and heart experience, you know what I'm saying?
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_01: So, what I have for you is my gift to you.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's free.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's the Rebooted Teen Parent program.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_01: You can find that at rebootedteen.com.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_01: We have conversation starters, like red flags to look out for, and just practical steps to take in order to do something about your child's situation, whatever they might be going through.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_01: And if you feel you're getting a lot of value from that, and if you want the step up when it comes to your family's coaching, I'm never going to tell a parent again how to be a parent.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_01: It's just like all the best at all the best athletes in the world have coaches, right?
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_01: So all I want to do is give you the vocabulary and the tools to have you do your job better.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I'm here to do, right?
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_01: And if you feel that's the best move, then the Rebooted Teen program just might be the next best move for you.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_01: There's some samples at rebooted teen on Instagram.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_01: You can check it out there.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_01: My DMs are open if you have any questions, and that's a little bit of what I got going on.