Latest / DA CREW Podcast / EXTRA SCOOP hosted by DWAYNE SISSY _We Advocate for Social Injustices and Human Rights

Transcript

EXTRA SCOOP hosted by DWAYNE SISSY _We Advocate for Social Injustices and Human Rights · DA CREW Podcast

1:01
Speaker 1: Please, gentlemen, I have your attention. Please the show stops
1:11
Speaker 1: it by seven six hid all three shoes, one go.
1:31
Speaker 2: Good evening, Good evening, Good evening. Welcome to Extra School
1:35
Speaker 2: podcast where I'm Dwayne. My co host sister is not
1:39
Speaker 2: here today. Her husband had to go. He's in the hospital,
1:43
Speaker 2: so she has actually had to go to the hospital,
1:45
Speaker 2: so she won't be able to join us. So let's
1:47
Speaker 2: keep her and her husband and our prayers and keep
1:50
Speaker 2: them lifted up again. My name is Dwayne. I'm one
1:54
Speaker 2: of your hosts here and you can reach me at
1:57
Speaker 2: my socials at Dwayne turned Silk, on TikTok, Instagram, and
2:01
Speaker 2: also on YouTube. And I want you guys to sit
2:05
Speaker 2: back and enjoy it. Today. We want to pick back
2:08
Speaker 2: up where we left off on yesterday and well on
2:11
Speaker 2: the last podcast I said yesterday, I guess I'm running
2:14
Speaker 2: all together. We want to continue to talk about autism
2:19
Speaker 2: and the things that are going on with autism and
2:22
Speaker 2: the families that are actually dealing with it daily. And
2:26
Speaker 2: so I want you guys to sit back, relax, and
2:29
Speaker 2: I want our guests to come back, come back up
2:32
Speaker 2: and introduce themselves and also tell you their social media
2:35
Speaker 2: is how they can contact them so we can get
2:38
Speaker 2: into this podcast. We can't hear you. I think your
2:47
Speaker 2: new button new button is on again?
2:49
Speaker 3: Hi?
2:50
Speaker 2: How are you so pretty good? Okay, I'm doing good today.
2:57
Speaker 4: My name is Selene, I'm an autism me and my
3:02
Speaker 4: platforms stelling it my name s E L E N
3:05
Speaker 4: E E underscore eighty nine across all platforms.
3:11
Speaker 2: All right, that'll work. And we do have another guest
3:13
Speaker 2: that would come. She's not here yet, but she'll probably
3:15
Speaker 2: come as we move on into Actually she just showed up,
3:19
Speaker 2: so let's bring Ashley up so she can introduce herself.
3:21
Speaker 2: How are you doing this? Hey? Could you introduce yours
3:28
Speaker 2: up to everyone and let them know your socials how
3:30
Speaker 2: they can get in contact with you. Yes, by all right,
3:41
Speaker 2: we definitely thank you guys for coming. And again, Sissy
3:43
Speaker 2: won't be here to day. She had to go to
3:45
Speaker 2: the hospital. Her husband's in the hospital. H so let's
3:48
Speaker 2: keep her lifted up and keep him in prayers as
3:51
Speaker 2: well that he has a good recovery. And so we
3:56
Speaker 2: want to get back into where we left off last podcast,
3:59
Speaker 2: and we want to uh bring you two beautiful autism
4:03
Speaker 2: mommies back up. So you guys can continue this conversation
4:07
Speaker 2: for us, and I think we wanted to kind of
4:11
Speaker 2: also before I do that, I want everyone to be
4:14
Speaker 2: able to to yes.
4:15
Speaker 5: Ma'am, yes, oh okay, Actually, if you can get in
4:39
Speaker 5: touch with uh, yeah, if you can get in touch
4:42
Speaker 5: with uh with with Selene right quick and let her
4:46
Speaker 5: know to come in on her original link that she
4:48
Speaker 5: had before so.
4:48
Speaker 2: She can come back in.
4:50
Speaker 6: Okay, Okay, all right, okay, yeah, so you can stay
4:59
Speaker 6: where you were at because Cisy is not gonna come today,
5:02
Speaker 6: but just go ahead and tell her to come.
5:04
Speaker 2: Tell Selene to come in on the link that she
5:06
Speaker 2: had last time, not the one that Sissy said to
5:08
Speaker 2: her in this time, and that way it won't kick
5:10
Speaker 2: her out. Yeah, But as she's doing that, I do
5:14
Speaker 2: want to give everyone's uh Cisy's socials at TikTok. It's
5:20
Speaker 2: at Cissy one one two five one, uh, so you
5:23
Speaker 2: can also contact her there. And while we're actually getting
5:27
Speaker 2: uh Selene back up again, I just want us to
5:32
Speaker 2: realize that a lot of people try to lump neuro
5:37
Speaker 2: divergent in into one group. So I guess when they
5:40
Speaker 2: see someone that may have autism on whichever level they
5:44
Speaker 2: have they kind of lump that in on uh into one,
5:47
Speaker 2: so they say, hey, if I see one person with autism,
5:50
Speaker 2: I see, I've seen them all. And I think we
5:53
Speaker 2: need to kind of talk about that a little bit,
5:56
Speaker 2: you know, because we have verbal versus non verbal, we
5:59
Speaker 2: have the different stages of autism. And I wanted to
6:04
Speaker 2: actually start with you actually because I do know that
6:08
Speaker 2: you have one of your sons. I believe, I'm Everick
6:11
Speaker 2: is his name. He's nonverbal, and so I want you
6:14
Speaker 2: to kind of speak.
6:18
Speaker 7: No, no, I don't know a.
6:26
Speaker 2: Yeah. So I think Allison is supposed to come as well.
6:29
Speaker 2: But Allison has a son that's nonverbal, and I think
6:33
Speaker 2: when she does come, we will talk a little bit
6:35
Speaker 2: about that. But I know what nonverbal A lot of
6:37
Speaker 2: times people have a little bit more of a of
6:40
Speaker 2: a of a moment to deal with because of the
6:45
Speaker 2: non communication. And I think a lot of times people
6:48
Speaker 2: can take a lot of those different things that they're
6:51
Speaker 2: dealing with with a nonverbal child as them being defiant,
6:56
Speaker 2: or them being contentious, or them being bad or whatever
7:00
Speaker 2: the case may be, and not being able to communicate
7:03
Speaker 2: with them well. And I think the same thing goes
7:06
Speaker 2: with verbal autistic kids. I think sometimes when they're having
7:12
Speaker 2: an actual episode or a trigger, and I wanted to
7:17
Speaker 2: get into that moment. Since she's not there, we can
7:19
Speaker 2: go right into the triggers. And you know, sometimes we
7:23
Speaker 2: think that we look at the meltdowns that we call
7:26
Speaker 2: it the meltdowns leading up to while and after and
7:31
Speaker 2: first things are the triggers. And the triggers can be
7:34
Speaker 2: anything from bright lights to loud noises, to smells, clothing,
7:39
Speaker 2: a change in routines. It can be a lot of
7:41
Speaker 2: different things. I want you actually to speak on a
7:43
Speaker 2: little bit of the things that you have noticed experience
7:48
Speaker 2: about triggers that you can speak on. Oh, I think
7:58
Speaker 2: we did it again. I'll go ahead and you're mute it.
8:04
Speaker 3: Basically, what it's telling me is that.
8:08
Speaker 2: That link, yeah, I think she uh, since she sent
8:14
Speaker 2: you her link, and so you were supposed to came
8:16
Speaker 2: in on the links that we gave you last time.
8:19
Speaker 2: It's a different link. So it's the host link that
8:21
Speaker 2: you came in on, and so that's why it's kicking
8:23
Speaker 2: you two out. So hopefully hopefully she'll come back in
8:28
Speaker 2: on the other link so you can stay here for
8:30
Speaker 2: right now. So I was just speaking on the moment
8:34
Speaker 2: of triggers, the different triggers that that are there with non.
8:41
Speaker 6: Verbal rh Go ahead, I'm sorry.
8:49
Speaker 3: I came in. Let me see the first time.
8:53
Speaker 2: Yeah, the first time.
9:00
Speaker 3: Yes, I have it. Do you want me to send
9:09
Speaker 3: it to you?
9:11
Speaker 2: Yeah? Send that link to her so that way she
9:12
Speaker 2: can come in on that link, and that way she
9:15
Speaker 2: won't kick you out when she comes back in.
9:19
Speaker 3: Let me see.
9:21
Speaker 2: All right, So I know Sissy was in a hurry,
9:23
Speaker 2: so she I think she just sent you guys the
9:25
Speaker 2: wrong link.
9:31
Speaker 3: I just send it to her. It doesn't gut.
9:34
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, So we were we were talking about the
9:41
Speaker 2: misnowners of uh neurodivergent kids. Oh, there you go. Actually
9:46
Speaker 2: you're back again. So I'll kick this back to you again, asked.
9:51
Speaker 2: He says, I was speaking to you first on the
9:54
Speaker 2: actual triggers of of the meltdowns that that we do
10:00
Speaker 2: see from non verbal and verbal autistic kids. We were
10:06
Speaker 2: talking about those of being bright lights, loud noises, males, clothing,
10:12
Speaker 2: change in routines, and among other things. And so I
10:15
Speaker 2: want you to speak a little bit about your experiences
10:17
Speaker 2: in those moments and those maldowns and those triggers.
10:24
Speaker 7: H m.
10:53
Speaker 2: Hm hm.
11:00
Speaker 8: Because the thinking that I keep your money bag.
11:34
Speaker 2: Which I was like, you're right about that time.
11:48
Speaker 8: The only thing this pottage to take marriage.
12:20
Speaker 9: But identifying those different studies don't find something is going
12:25
Speaker 9: to change in the moment. It's not going to be
12:27
Speaker 9: that the situations it's been a difference from that, but
12:34
Speaker 9: in that it's like, you know, you're better help anybody,
12:39
Speaker 9: you know what brings them tensors and really pull.
12:44
Speaker 7: Out all the sort of high to talk con.
12:47
Speaker 2: Helps a lot. Yes, yes, Selene, what about you again?
12:56
Speaker 2: Those triggers are are something that sometimes people mistake though
13:00
Speaker 2: as them misbehaving or something like that when they're in
13:04
Speaker 2: social setting, school or whatever. What are your experiences of
13:08
Speaker 2: those triggers from your son dealing with those moments?
13:12
Speaker 3: I would say for me, he has a really hard
13:14
Speaker 3: time with love voice.
13:16
Speaker 4: So a lot of times he seems dismissive and people
13:20
Speaker 4: take him as more like he's kind of like like
13:23
Speaker 4: I don't want to be around you or it. Sometimes
13:26
Speaker 4: it gives him a bad mood if he's if it's
13:28
Speaker 4: really loud, he's overwhelmed, he's over stimulated. He kind of
13:32
Speaker 4: doesn't you know, and he sticks to himself. A lot
13:34
Speaker 4: of times and is listeninging, you know, like he's not
13:39
Speaker 4: happy or you know, dismissive or just like not friendly.
13:45
Speaker 4: But a lot of times it's just because he's just
13:47
Speaker 4: so so overwhelmed with everything, the noise and everything that
13:50
Speaker 4: he just kind of wants to like stick to himself.
13:54
Speaker 4: Noises were a really big thing and so thing for him.
13:58
Speaker 4: For example, like we have we have a really hard
14:01
Speaker 4: time if it's not soft tags. Tags are a big issue.
14:07
Speaker 4: If the shirt isn't playing, and if it has like
14:10
Speaker 4: writing on it, and if it's a really thick you
14:12
Speaker 4: know when they kind of like stamp them and it's
14:14
Speaker 4: really thick the design on the shirts where we can't
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Speaker 4: wear that at home, Like it's just it burns.
14:19
Speaker 3: So he basically what he does is this.
14:21
Speaker 4: It runs his whole mode in his whole day. He
14:23
Speaker 4: walks around like this, carrying his shirt like this, walking
14:26
Speaker 4: around like this, So we can't it burns. That's exactly
14:32
Speaker 4: is his his words. It burns my I can't wear this.
14:35
Speaker 3: It burns. It burns. In his group, he's like, I
14:37
Speaker 3: need soft clothes.
14:39
Speaker 4: When I wash the shirts, after a few washes, you know,
14:42
Speaker 4: you get those little pebbles inside. So those pebbles bother
14:47
Speaker 4: him a lot, like it hurts, like he just it burns.
14:51
Speaker 4: He wants to wear it inside out, and I'm like,
14:52
Speaker 4: we can't do that. But so he has a hard time.
14:55
Speaker 4: We have a really hard time with clothes, especially in
14:58
Speaker 4: the morning. I think it's gonna a little bit better.
15:00
Speaker 4: But when we were like in kindergarten and he was
15:02
Speaker 4: going to kindergarten, when we first started, you know, the
15:06
Speaker 4: routine of getting up in the morning, getting dressed, getting
15:09
Speaker 4: changed preschool, it wasn't that bad. I think the clothing
15:14
Speaker 4: started more like as he's getting a little bit older,
15:16
Speaker 4: and right now it's really bad.
15:18
Speaker 3: But hood he takes I don't know, two or three
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Speaker 3: uses and it's bad.
15:22
Speaker 4: So it's expensive, you know, and it's it's draining because
15:26
Speaker 4: we have this thing and as soon as he gets
15:28
Speaker 4: home he will take his close up and just being
15:30
Speaker 4: a T shirt and boxers because everything anything that's tight
15:36
Speaker 4: or anything that's rep like that holds him tight or
15:40
Speaker 4: it doesn't make it feel good.
15:41
Speaker 3: So I think you're muted.
15:52
Speaker 2: Do here we go? Can you hear me better? Yeah? Okay, yeah,
16:08
Speaker 2: I think that once we I know, when I was
16:12
Speaker 2: younger and was growing up back in the seventies and
16:16
Speaker 2: eighties and the nineties, we had a lot of friends
16:18
Speaker 2: that probably now we would know that they would be
16:20
Speaker 2: diagnosed as autistic, But back then you would try to
16:24
Speaker 2: figure out, why does he not want to walk on
16:26
Speaker 2: the grass? Why is he just on the concrete? And
16:29
Speaker 2: if he steps on that grass, it's a meltdown, and
16:32
Speaker 2: we don't understand why. And I think those are the
16:34
Speaker 2: things that over time, seeing those friends go from not
16:38
Speaker 2: being able to walk on the concrete or I mean
16:41
Speaker 2: on the grass, and then as we get over in
16:43
Speaker 2: middle school in high school, now seeing them not want
16:46
Speaker 2: to wear a certain type of clothing, not being able
16:49
Speaker 2: to wear the uniforms at gym, or they have to
16:53
Speaker 2: get a special jersey for him for football or something
16:56
Speaker 2: like that because of the things, or to have certain
16:59
Speaker 2: padding on. And you didn't think of it then, and
17:02
Speaker 2: as kids we would be like, what's wrong with him?
17:04
Speaker 2: Why is he so special? But now you understand of
17:07
Speaker 2: the irritable moments they were having and then the change
17:12
Speaker 2: that comes along with it. And that's one thing that
17:15
Speaker 2: I noticed that sometimes parents with autistic kids have trouble
17:21
Speaker 2: identifying the changes because when they're one, two, three, four, five, six.
17:25
Speaker 2: They may be irritable here, and then as they get
17:28
Speaker 2: eight nineteen eleven, twelve thirteen, it may still be a
17:31
Speaker 2: lot of those things, but it may change into some
17:34
Speaker 2: other things. Some things may go away, some things may
17:36
Speaker 2: stay the same. And I think identifying those changes. If
17:41
Speaker 2: you don't identify those changes, it can lead the more meltdowns.
17:45
Speaker 2: It can lead to increased stemming, It can lead to irritability, pacing,
17:52
Speaker 2: the covering the ears. Like you said, you cover his
17:55
Speaker 2: ears with the loud noises. Some become quiet and you're like, well,
18:00
Speaker 2: you used to talk and they don't talk nobody, Or
18:02
Speaker 2: she used to communicate, now she stayed in the room
18:04
Speaker 2: all the time. And I think being able to identify
18:07
Speaker 2: those changes as parents, it helps you guys identify what's
18:12
Speaker 2: going on and then have less stress yourself identifying what
18:16
Speaker 2: your kid needs and being real, being real attentive to
18:21
Speaker 2: what they have going on. So actually I want you
18:22
Speaker 2: to speak on that a little bit about your kids
18:26
Speaker 2: and your experience of the times that you identified the change,
18:30
Speaker 2: and then sometimes you may have missed the change and
18:33
Speaker 2: had to come back around and get it again, or
18:36
Speaker 2: some of your kids may not have had a change
18:38
Speaker 2: they may still be the same irritances and different things
18:41
Speaker 2: that's going on, or they may have got rid of some.
18:43
Speaker 2: Could you talk a little bit on that.
18:47
Speaker 7: I yes, So they have changed a lot as they've
18:51
Speaker 7: grown up over the years. Some of the things that
18:54
Speaker 7: bothered them previously don't bother them as much anymore. For example,
19:01
Speaker 7: my child that was terrified of Halloween stores and animatronics,
19:06
Speaker 7: he now doesn't have an issue. He prefers scary monsters
19:10
Speaker 7: and things like that now, So that's completely different. Kids
19:17
Speaker 7: that had texture issues with certain fabrics, they still have
19:21
Speaker 7: those and similar things. Polyester is always going to be
19:25
Speaker 7: an irritant for our kids. Any spand explained things like that.
19:31
Speaker 7: That's just the stuff that I guess it's part for
19:35
Speaker 7: the work, you know, dealing with kids that are like that,
19:40
Speaker 7: that have had those struggles. And I mean I still
19:45
Speaker 7: certain polyester fabrics I can't do them either.
19:48
Speaker 5: I agree.
19:49
Speaker 3: I'm the same way.
19:52
Speaker 7: Yeah, it's it's it's very understodial.
19:55
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I get it, Oh my god, don't want
19:57
Speaker 4: to feel unstructed myself.
20:08
Speaker 7: With the other kiddos. I feel like it gets easier
20:14
Speaker 7: as they get older because they learn more of how
20:17
Speaker 7: to communicate and express their different needs and like of hay,
20:23
Speaker 7: I'm getting overwhelmed. Do you mind if we sit and
20:26
Speaker 7: take a break, or you know, things like that, going
20:31
Speaker 7: into places like we have a hands on children's museum
20:37
Speaker 7: that's very local that we frequented a lot when they
20:40
Speaker 7: were little. It's called the Thinker and it's in Austin, Texas,
20:43
Speaker 7: and they have a room for calming down because they
20:47
Speaker 7: know that that environment is extremely loud and it can
20:51
Speaker 7: be a lot on a kid with sensory needs, and
20:55
Speaker 7: they had sensory friendly days, but even still it would
20:58
Speaker 7: be overwhelming, would play so hard that they would get
21:02
Speaker 7: so overwhelmed by the surroundings or the stimuli because they
21:06
Speaker 7: have different rooms and different things that are going on,
21:09
Speaker 7: and some of the kids would want to linger in
21:11
Speaker 7: other rooms longer than the others, Like the water room,
21:15
Speaker 7: the current room. They constantly wanted to be in there.
21:17
Speaker 7: So it's it's not like that anymore. We don't have
21:22
Speaker 7: meltdowns like we used to because they've all gotten older
21:25
Speaker 7: and they've they've learned how to communicate better, so it's
21:30
Speaker 7: gotten easier with tim. I feel like for us anyway,
21:34
Speaker 7: in some ways, in others it's it's just changed how
21:40
Speaker 7: they how they handle themselves in other situations because they've
21:45
Speaker 7: changed as they've gotten older.
21:47
Speaker 2: So definitely, definitely, Selene, I know your son is in
21:54
Speaker 2: that growing stage. What are your experiences with it as well?
21:58
Speaker 4: Yeah, I agree, some things are good and they've changed,
22:02
Speaker 4: and I see a lot of progress.
22:04
Speaker 3: But there's many things or new things as he's getting older,
22:08
Speaker 3: new things that are developing, and I'm like, oh.
22:11
Speaker 4: You know, little things like like, for example, well, yesterday
22:15
Speaker 4: I was confident because we went to conferences and one
22:18
Speaker 4: of the teachers came out of the hallway and she's like,
22:20
Speaker 4: let me just tell you, I'm so proud of him
22:22
Speaker 4: because I remember how much you struggle bringing him in here,
22:26
Speaker 4: like when he was coming to kindergarten in the mornings.
22:29
Speaker 4: And he's like, you would bring them late because I
22:32
Speaker 4: knew you were struggling.
22:33
Speaker 2: I knew what it was.
22:34
Speaker 4: I knew that, you know, if he didn't want to
22:35
Speaker 4: get on the bus or this and this, and now
22:38
Speaker 4: it's like he wants to go on the bus.
22:40
Speaker 3: You know, he goes there early, he gets up early
22:42
Speaker 3: with ready, he wants to go.
22:43
Speaker 4: He's like, she says, it's really nice to see him
22:46
Speaker 4: so happy, because he definitely looks miserable every single day
22:51
Speaker 4: and now especially in the mornings, and now he looks happy,
22:54
Speaker 4: and I'm like, I am so proud of you. He's
22:57
Speaker 4: making new friends.
22:58
Speaker 3: So that's a little bit not like a normal kid,
23:03
Speaker 3: I would say, you know, in his own way.
23:06
Speaker 4: He's teaching them in his own way to like, you know,
23:09
Speaker 4: talk to him or to be friendly in his own way.
23:14
Speaker 3: But he is growing.
23:15
Speaker 2: And I think her reception went out a little bit.
23:27
Speaker 2: When we get her back, we'll pick back up where
23:29
Speaker 2: we were with her. But I also noticed that also
23:33
Speaker 2: going from the moment of identifying changes, let's get into
23:39
Speaker 2: the meltdowns themselves, because I know a lot of times
23:42
Speaker 2: that's what people experience, are the meltdowns of autistic kids.
23:47
Speaker 2: And that's what they kind of paint that picture with
23:50
Speaker 2: of a broadbut brush that they see a kid that's
23:53
Speaker 2: that's melting down, and you know, and it's sometime the
23:56
Speaker 2: meltdown can be them actually going in the corner somewhere,
23:59
Speaker 2: it's sitting and I want to talk with nobody, I
24:01
Speaker 2: want to move, you know, and all those different things.
24:04
Speaker 2: So I want you to actually to try to speak
24:07
Speaker 2: to the meltdowns. What you have seen the different types
24:12
Speaker 2: of meltdowns from your kids over the years of dealing
24:17
Speaker 2: with them growing up and parenting them your music right.
24:25
Speaker 7: Now, Sorry. When they were very I noticed a lot
24:31
Speaker 7: of screaming meltdowns. They would just throw themselves down and
24:38
Speaker 7: you had to like catch them and hope that they
24:41
Speaker 7: didn't accidentally hurt themselves or whatever. That's why we developed
24:45
Speaker 7: the system of what we did and how we started
24:49
Speaker 7: distracting and helping them through it. There were a lot
24:54
Speaker 7: of I don't want to be touched, I don't want
24:56
Speaker 7: to be talked to that they had as they got older.
25:03
Speaker 7: There were other moments where they would just want to
25:10
Speaker 7: be by themselves. They didn't want anybody in the same
25:14
Speaker 7: room as them. Don't look at me, don't talk to me,
25:18
Speaker 7: don't touch me. We've had We had a calm down
25:24
Speaker 7: corner for them as well that they could utilize at
25:29
Speaker 7: home privately in each of their rooms, so that was
25:32
Speaker 7: a big deal, and then also went in our living room.
25:35
Speaker 7: So I think that helped out an awful lot with
25:38
Speaker 7: those types of meltdowns because as we implemented it, they
25:43
Speaker 7: started using it more. But there were different types of
25:45
Speaker 7: meltdowns for different situations, and some of them were extremely
25:51
Speaker 7: intense to deal with as a parent, but we had
25:56
Speaker 7: some pretty mawn ones where like I had my daughter
26:00
Speaker 7: who was two at the time, and she was starting
26:04
Speaker 7: to potty train and she was in public in a
26:07
Speaker 7: disposable pull up and was not happy about it, and
26:12
Speaker 7: she was crying because she started to go potty a
26:14
Speaker 7: little bit, and I was like, oh, okay. Before I
26:18
Speaker 7: figured it out, a woman was like, oh, you stop that,
26:21
Speaker 7: and I looked at her and I was like, you
26:22
Speaker 7: stop that. You were a child once crying in a store.
26:25
Speaker 7: You need to be more patient and considerate of other people.
26:27
Speaker 7: And she's trying to communicate something, She's not crying for
26:30
Speaker 7: no reason. You're being a bully and back off. And
26:34
Speaker 7: that's pretty much how I dealt with it. I didn't
26:36
Speaker 7: take any crap for many other people about it. It
26:39
Speaker 7: was like, hold up a minute of recognize how you are,
26:43
Speaker 7: and step back. Like we had a couple of meltdowns
26:47
Speaker 7: and stores where people were very kind and they were like,
26:50
Speaker 7: will it help if I intervene a little bit? Maybe,
26:54
Speaker 7: And sometimes it would help, and sometimes it would escalate
26:58
Speaker 7: things and make them worse. So I've also worked as
27:02
Speaker 7: customer service Escala de escalation rep and for me, I've
27:07
Speaker 7: used a lot of those skills with my kids as
27:10
Speaker 7: they've progressed throughout life. But identifying those different types of
27:15
Speaker 7: meltdowns and having people be kind enough to even want
27:18
Speaker 7: to try is so helpful. It's very considerate. But I
27:24
Speaker 7: stopped caring about what other people thought a long time ago.
27:27
Speaker 7: They're going to think whatever they want to think in passing,
27:29
Speaker 7: and there's nothing you can do to change it. You
27:32
Speaker 7: just have to do what's going to roll best for
27:34
Speaker 7: your kids and for yourself, and you know what's best
27:38
Speaker 7: for them, you know.
27:40
Speaker 2: Most definitely, most definitely, And that's the important thing. That
27:44
Speaker 2: you have to set the atmosphere for your kids individually,
27:48
Speaker 2: because whether as an autistic kid or as ann autistic kid,
27:53
Speaker 2: you have to parent each kid individually and know what
27:56
Speaker 2: boundaries there are for each kid and how to parent them.
28:00
Speaker 2: And especially when you do have an autistic kid, you
28:03
Speaker 2: have to really be aware of I may can't discipline
28:08
Speaker 2: this child the way I discipline my older child or
28:12
Speaker 2: my younger child, and so it looks different, and to
28:15
Speaker 2: have a neutral spot for all of them as far
28:18
Speaker 2: as a calm down corner. That's something that goes across
28:22
Speaker 2: the board. I remember when I was growing up, my
28:24
Speaker 2: mom sent us to the corner. You want to act up,
28:28
Speaker 2: get in that corner. I see you. I'll see you
28:29
Speaker 2: in about thirty minutes or forty five minutes. And I
28:32
Speaker 2: think it makes every child think and then get back
28:35
Speaker 2: into their own headspace to calm down. And I think
28:38
Speaker 2: that's a perfect space for everyone to think and use
28:41
Speaker 2: because it helps the child to not first be overstimulated
28:47
Speaker 2: by discipline, but it also helps them to just get
28:50
Speaker 2: recentered and say, Okay, why am I looking at this wall?
28:54
Speaker 2: What's really going on? And be able to think past
28:57
Speaker 2: their moment. And so I think that's that's something that
29:01
Speaker 2: I love for that moment because it helps that child
29:05
Speaker 2: the recenter and come off that meltdown. And also for
29:11
Speaker 2: those who are in those public spaces that you can
29:15
Speaker 2: have them out down. Sometimes it's just as simple as
29:18
Speaker 2: removing them from the crowd and letting them reset, you know,
29:22
Speaker 2: take them to the car, take them to a different spot,
29:24
Speaker 2: take them outside to want to run around, let them
29:26
Speaker 2: see a little dog outside playing. The kind of refocused
29:29
Speaker 2: them from the thing that spooked them. The thing that
29:32
Speaker 2: scared them, the thing that got them to have that
29:35
Speaker 2: melt down. I think we have to do a better
29:38
Speaker 2: job and society, just as the woman you said that
29:41
Speaker 2: was telling her to stop that, if that woman was
29:43
Speaker 2: really being observing, instead of saying stop that, she should
29:46
Speaker 2: have came said, oh, love, mama, how you doing? What's
29:48
Speaker 2: going on? You know, try to redirect the conversation. For
29:52
Speaker 2: that way recomforts her and it makes her think again, like,
29:55
Speaker 2: oh wait a minute, maybe what I'm going through is
29:57
Speaker 2: not that much because she's sticking to me, So let
29:59
Speaker 2: me go over here to her and say hi, you know.
30:01
Speaker 2: And it's just the moment of understanding as a society,
30:06
Speaker 2: being able to identify, Okay, is this kid really being
30:09
Speaker 2: bad or if this kid is just really having the episode. Now,
30:12
Speaker 2: let's identify that moment and move forward. So that's something
30:15
Speaker 2: I think we really need to be able to identify with.
30:19
Speaker 2: If it's crowd, if it's objects that's there, maybe just
30:22
Speaker 2: simple taking the object out the way they're moving it,
30:25
Speaker 2: take into the next room so that way they won't
30:27
Speaker 2: be so spooked by the thing that that spooked them.
30:30
Speaker 2: Those are identifying things that we could as a society
30:34
Speaker 2: help in those moments. If I see a kid spooking
30:37
Speaker 2: out and that's the funny looking toward in front of him,
30:39
Speaker 2: and they're standing there screaming and hollering, maybe I should
30:42
Speaker 2: just go remove it and take it out the way
30:44
Speaker 2: and say, okay, is that better and allow them that
30:47
Speaker 2: time to move on. Have you had experiences like that before? Yes?
30:53
Speaker 7: I think Another thing I forgot to mention is that
30:57
Speaker 7: in the calm down corner, we had things like toys
31:01
Speaker 7: to help redirect. We also had charts on the walls
31:05
Speaker 7: that discuss the different emotions that they would be feeling
31:09
Speaker 7: and how what level of feeling they were, like, happy, sad, mad, anger.
31:15
Speaker 7: You know, it goes on and on, and it gives
31:18
Speaker 7: you like colors to go with it. You can't control,
31:22
Speaker 7: you know, I can't control other people, but I can
31:24
Speaker 7: control how I react. Things like that that are encouraging
31:28
Speaker 7: that help them understand their feelings and their emotions that
31:31
Speaker 7: go along with whatever is going on with the meltdown.
31:35
Speaker 7: Helping them identify that trigger or that feeling and emotion
31:39
Speaker 7: that goes along with it is also so so important
31:42
Speaker 7: because that helps bridge the gap of communication there when
31:45
Speaker 7: they're so little and they're just learning how to really speak.
31:49
Speaker 7: It really helped save us a lot to do that
31:54
Speaker 7: because it made it where they wanted to actually communicate
31:56
Speaker 7: with us more. They're like, Okay, they care, so they
31:59
Speaker 7: want to know more. Okay, how can I help mom
32:02
Speaker 7: and dad help me through this? And once they understand
32:06
Speaker 7: that we're not here to like push the stimuli on them,
32:10
Speaker 7: we want to help maybe disconnect them from that situation,
32:13
Speaker 7: remove them, take them out of their You know, something
32:17
Speaker 7: that worked for me personally as a child, because I
32:20
Speaker 7: also have autism and ADHD, I would go to the
32:24
Speaker 7: bathroom with my nana and she would wash my face
32:29
Speaker 7: and washing my face off with cool water helped me
32:32
Speaker 7: to calm down and it brought me back into myself,
32:35
Speaker 7: helped me ground. So it was it was a very
32:38
Speaker 7: I remember being overwhelmed with sight, sound, noise, lighting, sudden
32:44
Speaker 7: drops and stuff. We went to Disney a lot, so
32:46
Speaker 7: that was quite an overwhelming experience for a little kid,
32:51
Speaker 7: and that helped a lot. Was knowing what worked for
32:55
Speaker 7: me also worked for some of my kids, so I
32:58
Speaker 7: was able to implement some of that. But the calm
33:02
Speaker 7: down corner is always a good idea and it's good
33:04
Speaker 7: to help them. Even if you don't have anything fancy,
33:07
Speaker 7: you can make your own charts and learn how to
33:10
Speaker 7: communicate with your kids, you know, to try and help
33:14
Speaker 7: them understand, like, hey, I'm right here beside you. I
33:16
Speaker 7: know this is so hard for you. Even them, just
33:19
Speaker 7: hearing that is so helpful for them getting through those
33:23
Speaker 7: those problems, those hard times.
33:26
Speaker 2: Yes, and that, and that's identifying their feelings, their personal
33:29
Speaker 2: feelings and emotions and the things that they that they feel.
33:34
Speaker 2: And they're they're all individual human beings and so they're
33:36
Speaker 2: all going to have sometimes the same feelings and a
33:39
Speaker 2: lot of times they're going to have their own feelings
33:41
Speaker 2: that's triggered by a whole lot of different things. And
33:43
Speaker 2: as a parent, that's kind of a number one moment
33:47
Speaker 2: to understand their feelings, identify them, and know what's going
33:50
Speaker 2: on with them. One thing that I hurt you say
33:55
Speaker 2: as well, is that you were with the corners that
33:59
Speaker 2: you guys have the quiet down time in the rooms,
34:01
Speaker 2: and the corners that you have in the room, in
34:03
Speaker 2: the living room area, the family room area. You're actually
34:06
Speaker 2: exhibiting that moment too that we're not gonna overpunish, but
34:10
Speaker 2: we're gonna support, and we're gonna give, We're gonna get parameters,
34:14
Speaker 2: and we're gonna set rules and regulations, but we're gonna
34:17
Speaker 2: do it in the confounds of what we need to
34:20
Speaker 2: do within what you're feeling and what you're doing and
34:23
Speaker 2: how you're getting there, so that way we can cover
34:25
Speaker 2: across the board. I've seen a lot of times that
34:29
Speaker 2: people kind of take it overboard and they punish first,
34:32
Speaker 2: and they go straight to the punishment. Sit down, stop, quit,
34:34
Speaker 2: shut up, stop, and all those different things, but they
34:37
Speaker 2: never take the time to understand exactly what that kid's
34:40
Speaker 2: feelings are. And a lot of times you just listen,
34:42
Speaker 2: they'll tell you, and once you get it, then you
34:45
Speaker 2: can kind of operate in that moment in that space.
34:48
Speaker 2: And that's one thing I hurt you identify earlier when
34:51
Speaker 2: you were talking, is that we have parameters, we have
34:54
Speaker 2: things that we have set and so when you get
34:58
Speaker 2: to this level, we're gonna put you if we're gonna
35:01
Speaker 2: let you calm down, and we're gonna figure out what
35:03
Speaker 2: that moment is in that time so we can start
35:06
Speaker 2: deducting things out of your space so that way you
35:09
Speaker 2: can get back where you need to be or adding
35:11
Speaker 2: stuff into your space so you can get to the
35:13
Speaker 2: place where you need to be to get back to
35:16
Speaker 2: a level of being at peace. And I think that's
35:19
Speaker 2: something that a lot of parents need to start identifying,
35:22
Speaker 2: and then also people in the public as well, identifying
35:26
Speaker 2: that those things that we can help. Like we said
35:28
Speaker 2: earlier with the lady, if she would instead of saying
35:31
Speaker 2: what she said, if she would have came and approached
35:33
Speaker 2: in the moment of just being concerned, Hey, what's wrong
35:36
Speaker 2: with you, little young lady, it would have been a
35:38
Speaker 2: different outcome for everyone in that moment. But when you
35:42
Speaker 2: come with the wrong aggression, then you set a whole
35:44
Speaker 2: nother precedent, you know, in that moment, And so I
35:48
Speaker 2: think that's something that we need to really pay attention
35:51
Speaker 2: to to not punish, but support. And then also just
35:54
Speaker 2: have patience. There's no reason to rush. Time is moving. Yes,
35:59
Speaker 2: we all do know, we have to get up and work,
36:00
Speaker 2: we have to go all those different things. But to
36:03
Speaker 2: be patient with the kids, be patient with what's going on,
36:06
Speaker 2: because it will help us really understand. I want you
36:09
Speaker 2: to speak a little bit about that because you have
36:12
Speaker 2: several kids, and so at the end of the day,
36:14
Speaker 2: you had to deal with it in a different space
36:17
Speaker 2: than what even stealing a or some other people have
36:21
Speaker 2: to deal with. And then also dealing with your own
36:24
Speaker 2: diagnosis from childhood as well. Let's speak to forwards the
36:28
Speaker 2: patients that you had to develop, even once you start
36:31
Speaker 2: having your own kids, and the frustration of raising them
36:35
Speaker 2: and burying them and doing all the things, and then
36:37
Speaker 2: having the reset.
36:39
Speaker 3: Speak to that just a little bit.
36:42
Speaker 7: There were times that we would have children that would
36:45
Speaker 7: be so excited about birthdays or holidays that we would
36:52
Speaker 7: have to delay certain things because they would overplay or
36:56
Speaker 7: get so overstimulated that they would melt down so hard
37:00
Speaker 7: that they would go to bed early. We had nights
37:03
Speaker 7: like that. We also had situations where they would go
37:11
Speaker 7: through it would just it was so different with having
37:17
Speaker 7: to deal with holidays. We pretty much learned even if
37:21
Speaker 7: I kept a schedule, there was no guarantee that we
37:24
Speaker 7: were going to buy any means stick to it because
37:28
Speaker 7: any anything could happen that would set them off. Anything
37:31
Speaker 7: that could occur to set off one kid, or once
37:36
Speaker 7: one got crying, it would set off another. When they
37:38
Speaker 7: were toddlers, was it was bad like that for a while,
37:41
Speaker 7: But you know, redirection and learning to let go of
37:48
Speaker 7: the expectation of perfection. And I think social media does
37:51
Speaker 7: such a good job of teaching everybody that they have
37:54
Speaker 7: to be this perfect cookie cutter family and everything must
37:57
Speaker 7: go perfect at all times. It's just like that. The
38:00
Speaker 7: reality is that not everybody is perfect, and that even
38:06
Speaker 7: within neurotypical families, you're not going to have a perfect
38:09
Speaker 7: holiday all the time. There's going to be something that
38:12
Speaker 7: could unexpectedly happen. Let go of your expectations of perfection
38:18
Speaker 7: pretty much once you become a parent, learn to just
38:21
Speaker 7: go with the flow. Once you learn to let go
38:25
Speaker 7: of that and make the adjustments with the understanding that
38:28
Speaker 7: like important things can happen on other days. If they
38:31
Speaker 7: play too hard or get overwhelmed on their birthday because
38:34
Speaker 7: the party was too much, you know to do less
38:37
Speaker 7: next year. You know to adjust according to where their
38:40
Speaker 7: play level is at, and you really watch that. When
38:45
Speaker 7: you watch how they play and you don't helicopter them,
38:48
Speaker 7: you learn a little bit more about their play level
38:50
Speaker 7: and what their skills are and what they're able to
38:53
Speaker 7: do without having these great big meltdowns. Because children when
38:58
Speaker 7: they're under five learn a lot about the world world
39:00
Speaker 7: through interactive play, and that's so important for them to
39:03
Speaker 7: have that uninterrupted time. In other countries, we see it
39:07
Speaker 7: where they have higher intelligence scores with kids that are
39:11
Speaker 7: allowed to free range play and do things at that nature.
39:14
Speaker 7: So I kind of tend to follow other countries' levels
39:19
Speaker 7: of the way they handle parenting versus the US because
39:23
Speaker 7: I just found it to be more like what worked
39:26
Speaker 7: for our kids. So that's just how I did things.
39:31
Speaker 7: You know, every parent has their own way of doing things.
39:34
Speaker 7: There's no one right way to do it. It's just
39:37
Speaker 7: what worked for me was allowing them to really play
39:40
Speaker 7: a lot of it out. There's also ways that you
39:44
Speaker 7: can do things like constructive deconstruction play. So if you
39:50
Speaker 7: have little boys that are wild and they're rambunctious and
39:53
Speaker 7: they're they're high energy, you know, high stimulation needs finding
40:00
Speaker 7: something they can do. Like if you get a styrofoam
40:02
Speaker 7: cooler or whatever and you decorate it like a dragon
40:05
Speaker 7: or a castle, and you give them a stick to
40:08
Speaker 7: beat it with, then they know like, Okay, I can
40:12
Speaker 7: make a mess. And this gives them a nice way
40:15
Speaker 7: that they can make a mess without being told no.
40:20
Speaker 7: If you make a lot of opportunities for yes and
40:22
Speaker 7: for playtime. It helps out with that need and it
40:26
Speaker 7: really gets through to them like okay, instead of waking
40:30
Speaker 7: up and finding that your sensory ben's been dumped out,
40:33
Speaker 7: you've set up a way for them to be messy
40:36
Speaker 7: and it's okay and it helps them out. So those
40:40
Speaker 7: were some of the things that we did to handle that.
40:44
Speaker 2: Most Definitely, I think that's something that we need to
40:47
Speaker 2: get back to as a whole in society. That was
40:50
Speaker 2: something that we did way back in the day of
40:52
Speaker 2: my days. We had time to explore because their parents
40:55
Speaker 2: would tell you, hey, it's seven o'clock, but y'all still
40:58
Speaker 2: doing in the bed. And by the way, by the
41:00
Speaker 2: time of seven thirty eight o'clock, we had breakfast and
41:03
Speaker 2: we were outside and we didn't come back in until lunchtime.
41:06
Speaker 2: And after lunch then we didn't come back in until
41:08
Speaker 2: dinner time. And it was like it was always a
41:11
Speaker 2: moment of free range play. It was always a moment exploration.
41:15
Speaker 2: We can ride the bikes, go into the woods and
41:17
Speaker 2: really go out there and see what everything was about,
41:20
Speaker 2: see the frogs jumping and everything else, and be able
41:23
Speaker 2: to just get into things that we couldn't do at home,
41:27
Speaker 2: but having the parameters to know that we're not supposed
41:30
Speaker 2: to go past point B and point C and then
41:33
Speaker 2: come back home and we're fine. And I think it
41:36
Speaker 2: did stop us when our kids start getting more involved
41:39
Speaker 2: in video games and in the home, and it wasn't
41:43
Speaker 2: really interactive play, It wasn't things that really challenged them
41:48
Speaker 2: to be creative. It was just more of I'm just
41:51
Speaker 2: doing what this video game is telling me to do,
41:53
Speaker 2: and I'm gonna get back off and go do the
41:55
Speaker 2: next thing I got and get them my phone and text.
41:58
Speaker 2: And so I think we really need to get back
42:00
Speaker 2: into those things as a whole when our kids are
42:03
Speaker 2: young and those impressionable building days to where when they
42:07
Speaker 2: when they do get older, they're able to be stimulated correctly.
42:10
Speaker 2: And I think that's something that we're learning from a
42:13
Speaker 2: lot of our our families that that have autistic kids,
42:18
Speaker 2: is that we need to get back to that because
42:20
Speaker 2: it helps. It helps when they're in in in pre
42:22
Speaker 2: k's and in kindergarten, all those different things to have
42:26
Speaker 2: those type of interactive play uh and moments going. And
42:29
Speaker 2: so we know that patience is very important and it
42:33
Speaker 2: takes a lot of patients to be able to create
42:35
Speaker 2: moments for your boys, especially when they're they're they're they're
42:38
Speaker 2: overactive and they're one to go out there and play.
42:41
Speaker 2: It takes a lot of patients to go out there
42:42
Speaker 2: and give them a space and not want to say no, no, stop, stop,
42:46
Speaker 2: and just give them opportunities. Just play and go ahead
42:48
Speaker 2: and once they're done, get them in, get them cleaned up,
42:50
Speaker 2: and let them get ready to get ready to eat
42:52
Speaker 2: and go to bed. And I think that's what we
42:54
Speaker 2: need to get back to as a whole. And as
42:58
Speaker 2: we get ready to some everything up, because I think
43:01
Speaker 2: Selene couldn't get back in uh and so we'll have
43:04
Speaker 2: to catch her on the next podcast. As we get
43:08
Speaker 2: ready to sum it up, I want you to just
43:09
Speaker 2: go ahead and speak to everyone and just let them
43:12
Speaker 2: know what's on your mind, things that you that you
43:15
Speaker 2: feel are a takeaway edition of what we've been talking about.
43:19
Speaker 2: And again, remind everyone how to get in touch with
43:22
Speaker 2: you if they want to communicate with you. Are you
43:29
Speaker 2: on muse? I think so?
43:36
Speaker 7: For me, hold on one second, okay, go ahead, on
43:40
Speaker 7: has approached okay, two of them her to watch the show.
43:49
Speaker 7: I'll be there in a minute. Uh So nerdy, happy
43:52
Speaker 7: mom on all socials is the great way to reach me.
43:58
Speaker 7: You know again, don't back perfection, you guys. That's that's
44:04
Speaker 7: a good sum sum it up. Also learning how to
44:09
Speaker 7: communicate with your kid, express to them. There the feelings,
44:14
Speaker 7: different emotions. Calm down corners are helpful. Fidget toys can
44:19
Speaker 7: be helpful. There's different a new mom dealing with autism.
44:25
Speaker 7: Get in touch with your local community. There are good
44:29
Speaker 7: resources through earlier intervention. I don't know what state you're in,
44:32
Speaker 7: but if you do want to connect with me after,
44:35
Speaker 7: I can help you get a hold of resources in
44:37
Speaker 7: your local state because I'm good at doing that. I
44:40
Speaker 7: used to work with Medicaid, so I know how to
44:43
Speaker 7: find all those resources very well. I'm pretty versed in it.
44:48
Speaker 7: I don't mind helping out anybody that's a new parent
44:50
Speaker 7: that wants to know more resources or wants to find
44:53
Speaker 7: something local like hands on kids museums. Those are amazing.
44:59
Speaker 7: Local WI may actually have some resources depending on how
45:03
Speaker 7: old your kiddo is. They may know of hands on
45:06
Speaker 7: museums and other things like that. But I also know
45:11
Speaker 7: how to find resources such as like there may be
45:13
Speaker 7: free parks and zoos in the area and some of
45:16
Speaker 7: them even accommodate that type of stuff too, But definitely
45:22
Speaker 7: get up with me after the podcast if you guys
45:24
Speaker 7: want to ner you hippie momental socials, and for any
45:29
Speaker 7: new parents that are dealing with autism, just take it
45:33
Speaker 7: one step at a time, one breath at a time,
45:35
Speaker 7: one day at a time, like slow yourself down and
45:39
Speaker 7: remember that it's not always going to be easy. You're
45:43
Speaker 7: your kids, you're their rock, their home, their original home,
45:47
Speaker 7: and they're their first teacher, so everything that they are
45:51
Speaker 7: learning is coming from you first before anywhere else. So
45:56
Speaker 7: we'll really resonate with them how patient that you learn
45:59
Speaker 7: to be with them. And I know that it's not
46:01
Speaker 7: always easy. I have not always been the most patient
46:05
Speaker 7: of people. I have very little patients at times, and
46:10
Speaker 7: it's just important to remember that these are little people.
46:13
Speaker 7: They do not have all of their brains yet, they
46:16
Speaker 7: will not get them until they're twenty five, so that
46:20
Speaker 7: prefrontal cortex and social interactions is missing, and they're learning it.
46:25
Speaker 7: They're learning it every day through every interaction that you
46:28
Speaker 7: have with everyone around you, even in your household and theirs.
46:31
Speaker 7: So just take it slow and steady, you know, and
46:36
Speaker 7: you'll find what works for you and your child. It
46:39
Speaker 7: is a hard thing to do, but support and finding
46:43
Speaker 7: your network of people and in your community can be
46:46
Speaker 7: very very helpful. You know, make sure that you take
46:49
Speaker 7: care of yourselves as well, and know that you're not alone.
46:53
Speaker 7: There are plenty of parents that are out there willing
46:55
Speaker 7: to help. I know Selene isn't on here, but you
46:59
Speaker 7: can find her on TikTok. I can't remember her at
47:01
Speaker 7: but I think it is Selene with goggles. If I'm not,
47:07
Speaker 7: I think so, yeahs yes, Or if you connect with
47:13
Speaker 7: me and you want to connect with her, I can
47:14
Speaker 7: get you connected to her because we're friends on TikTok.
47:16
Speaker 2: So most definitely, most definitely, I definitely want to thank
47:21
Speaker 2: you Ashley for coming out again. I want to thank
47:23
Speaker 2: Selenee for also coming out. She got bounced out and
47:27
Speaker 2: she couldn't get back in. I want to also give
47:29
Speaker 2: a shout out to my co host Dissy, who couldn't
47:32
Speaker 2: be here because she's at the hospital with her husband.
47:34
Speaker 2: We send prayers and our love toward them, and we
47:37
Speaker 2: know that he'll have a quick and speedy recovery. We
47:40
Speaker 2: want to also shout out to our lovely beautiful Queen
47:46
Speaker 2: Angela in the Crew podcast for hosting this podcast today.
47:50
Speaker 2: You want to definitely thank you and shout out to
47:52
Speaker 2: you for always being there for everyone. And I'm Duane
47:58
Speaker 2: one of your hosts. Peers, well, you can reach out
48:00
Speaker 2: to me at the Wayne Turned Silk or all my
48:03
Speaker 2: socials and just until we meet again, I want to
48:06
Speaker 2: just tell everybody thank you, and you guys have a
48:08
Speaker 2: great evening and we're with that we stay. Good night
48:13
Speaker 2: bye everyone. You're definitely welcome