Latest / Pretty In Pink Again / Episode 37: How to Find Hobbies Again (When Life Has Been All Work + Kids)

Transcript

Episode 37: How to Find Hobbies Again (When Life Has Been All Work + Kids) · Pretty In Pink Again

• 0:00
  I'm Christina and I'm t And this is the Pretty and Pink again podcast where motherhood meets rediscovery.
• 0:16
  Hi.
• 0:17
  Hi.
• 0:17
  How are you?
• 0:18
  How's daylight savings treating you?
• 0:21
  I feel like we're fine.
• 0:23
  We're past it.
• 0:24
  You're okay?
• 0:24
  Yeah, we're past it.
• 0:25
  I have older kids.
• 0:26
  Yeah.
• 0:26
  So you're not in, you're not in it.
• 0:28
  No, we're actually, we are not in it.
• 0:30
  Actually, this is, this wasn't as bad.
• 0:31
  I was telling you.
• 0:32
  Like it wasn't as terrible as I thought it was going to be.
• 0:35
  It's just there's a little bit of extra crankiness just around the times that they're going to go to nap and then going to go down for bedtime, it just feels like they're really hanging in there, yeah.
• 0:46
  But it really wasn't too bad overall, but I'm exhausted.
• 0:50
  It's hitting me.
• 0:52
  Is that any different than last Sunday?
• 0:54
  Or is there, I'm always tired, but I don't know, I was thinking about it and I was like we had 25 hours yesterday, it was a 25 hour day, like 24 isn't enough, yeah.
• 1:04
  So it, I felt like it was a 25 hour day yesterday.
• 1:07
  Yeah.
• 1:07
  And it's always on like the Sunday and we're with the kids, so it just, it's wow.
• 1:13
  It's like Sunday after Halloween felt extra hour.
• 1:15
  You really felt it.
• 1:16
  And it's funny, when I talked to my mom yesterday, she was like, we caught up on our hour sleep.
• 1:21
  And I was like, wrong audience.
• 1:23
  We did not.
• 1:25
  I'm like, we did not.
• 1:26
  That's so funny.
• 1:26
  Must be nice because we, oh my gosh.
• 1:27
  No, we did not.
• 1:28
  We slept.
• 1:29
  So Friday we were together.
• 1:30
  We had Halloween together.
• 1:31
  Yes.
• 1:31
  I know we had Halloween.
• 1:32
  Which guy?
• 1:32
  Your kids are so freaking cute.
• 1:34
  Yours are so cute.
• 1:35
  Yours.
• 1:35
  They're just so cute.
• 1:37
  There's just something so special about little kids.
• 1:39
  Like your kids are just so little came.
• 1:40
  I know.
• 1:40
  But even the girls are to the.
• 1:43
  Rang the doorbell.
• 1:44
  Halloween is so overwhelming.
• 1:45
  It is like you, you dress up in something else.
• 1:48
  Yep.
• 1:48
  You go to somebody's house.
• 1:49
  Yep.
• 1:49
  Where your parents are always telling you like, don't ask for anything.
• 1:53
  Don't invite yourself in.
• 1:54
  And then you break all the rules.
• 1:56
  You go to a stranger's house, you knock on their door, you ask for candy.
• 1:59
  Yep.
• 1:59
  It's just so confusing.
• 2:01
  I know.
• 2:01
  And it was cute'cause we brought the kids to tease and we practiced one time at our house, like where we had them ring the doorbell and they stood there and said, trick or treat, Leo said, trick or treat.
• 2:11
  But then.
• 2:13
  When we came to tease, it was only the second time that they did it and they were both too nervous to actually do it.
• 2:19
  Also, so they stood behind me and we did it.
• 2:21
  My kids could not wait for them to arrive.
• 2:23
  Yeah.
• 2:23
  Like they were waiting at the door with baited breath.
• 2:25
  Like I know.
• 2:26
  Waiting and waiting.
• 2:26
  I'm like, don't open the door.
• 2:27
  You have to wait till they, nah, it was so cute.
• 2:30
  So we took my two little ones and then your two littlest ones.
• 2:35
  Yeah.
• 2:35
  And we all went on the golf cart.
• 2:37
  Yeah.
• 2:37
  And all the parents and the four kids went trick-or-treating.
• 2:41
  It was so cute.
• 2:41
  We did a couple houses in the neighborhood before my kids tapped out.
• 2:44
  They were like, okay.
• 2:45
  Enough done.
• 2:46
  But it was so cute.
• 2:48
  It really cute.
• 2:48
  Was really cute.
• 2:48
  Was did we have a video of Leo and camila and Ava, I, that cute.
• 2:53
  Running to a house.
• 2:54
  Like they took him like holding his hand and they were running, he was nervous.
• 2:58
  He was nervous running across the driveway, like to front door.
• 3:01
  And I got very like.
• 3:03
  Sentimental about it.
• 3:04
  'cause I was like, this is their childhood.
• 3:06
  And this was, it was just like a very cute moment.
• 3:10
  I think.
• 3:10
  I'll always remember it.
• 3:11
  It was very sweet.
• 3:12
  It was very cute.
• 3:12
  It was very sweet.
• 3:13
  I actually made the girls write thank you cards Oh.
• 3:16
  To some of the neighbors because they, there's not a lot of trick or treaters in our neighborhoods.
• 3:19
  So they basically do it for like my kids.
• 3:22
  Your kids, maybe like a couple other kids in the neighborhood.
• 3:25
  Yep.
• 3:25
  And they give out not only full-sized candy bars, like jumbo sized candy bars.
• 3:31
  The biggest one.
• 3:32
  I didn't even know.
• 3:32
  They make them that big.
• 3:33
  Yeah.
• 3:33
  And they're happy to do it.
• 3:34
  They're like, oh my God, your kids are so cute.
• 3:36
  Because they only get a few.
• 3:37
  So they're like, if we're gonna have a few, they're not giving the minis.
• 3:39
  They're like, if you're gonna come all this way.
• 3:41
  And there's only a handful of kids that come up.
• 3:43
  So I made the girls write thank you notes.
• 3:44
  Yeah.
• 3:45
  So we got up early Saturday morning, we had, we went down to New Jersey and then I took Camille to her first concert.
• 3:51
  Amazing.
• 3:51
  We went to Sabrina Carpenter.
• 3:53
  I cannot, and it was really cute because the concert, I don't wanna say it's inappropriate but it's very like sexual.
• 4:00
  But, it was over her head.
• 4:01
  It was over Camila's head.
• 4:02
  Camilla is only six years old.
• 4:04
  Yeah.
• 4:04
  But she loved, she just likes the music.
• 4:05
  She loved the music and like the, her prancing around.
• 4:09
  Yeah.
• 4:09
  Yeah.
• 4:09
  And then the best part of it all was Olivia Dean opened for her.
• 4:12
  Oh, I love her.
• 4:15
  Obsessed.
• 4:15
  I am obsessed with Olivia Dean.
• 4:17
  I love her music.
• 4:18
  She's beautiful.
• 4:20
  She put on.
• 4:22
  An incredible performance.
• 4:23
  I was like, I'm at an Olivia Dean concert tonight.
• 4:25
  I have, I know.
• 4:26
  I was so jealous when I saw that she was opening and she really is.
• 4:30
  Yeah, I think she is.
• 4:31
  She's an icon.
• 4:32
  So talented and her voice and just everything about her.
• 4:35
  She's gorgeous.
• 4:36
  And she, I just, I love her music.
• 4:38
  It reminds me of like nineties rom-com pop, like she's just everything.
• 4:44
  Yeah.
• 4:44
  I love her.
• 4:45
  She was terrific.
• 4:45
  So That is amazing.
• 4:46
  Yeah, so we had the concert, we got back at, I don't know, around midnight.
• 4:50
  And then when we go to my in-laws, Nick and I sleep on an air mattress in the basement and there's a spare bedroom upstairs.
• 4:57
  But of course nobody wants to sleep in the spare bedroom.
• 4:59
  They wanna sleep downstairs with me and Nick on the air mattress.
• 5:02
  So we got home and there's like a little chair, one girl's on the chair, the other one is on the sofa Vincent's on the floor, and me and Nick are in the air mattress.
• 5:11
  Joseph was subbed upstairs.
• 5:13
  So we got up at six 30 to Vincent because he was trying to buy Roblox or something.
• 5:18
  And we like got into it with him and I was like, what time is it even?
• 5:21
  Is it six 30?
• 5:22
  Is it seven 30?
• 5:23
  What time is it?
• 5:24
  Where are we?
• 5:25
  I need to go home.
• 5:25
  Yeah.
• 5:27
  Get me the F outta here.
• 5:30
  So when we got home last night, I left my phone in the kitchen overnight and I went up to my room Phoneless.
• 5:35
  And I was, and I went right to sleep.
• 5:37
  But you go to bed early and I went right to sleep.
• 5:38
  'cause I watched a show with Nick.
• 5:41
  I think I was watching Housewives.
• 5:42
  Like it wasn't even I was like watching like a series with him.
• 5:45
  I was just watching housewives, but I wasn't on my phone on the commercial breaks.
• 5:49
  Yeah.
• 5:49
  Without that scroll.
• 5:50
  You're like, I'm out.
• 5:51
  And it's so funny.
• 5:52
  How quickly you fall asleep when you're not scrolling.
• 5:55
  I know.
• 5:55
  'Cause the scrolling.
• 5:56
  Could you go into a time warp?
• 5:58
  Yeah.
• 5:58
  So I love that.
• 5:59
  So I'm gonna try to do it a couple nights a week.
• 6:01
  You're doing it.
• 6:02
  You're taking our advice from I'm gonna try to do it.
• 6:04
  I have yet to take advice.
• 6:05
  Take advice.
• 6:05
  I miss advice.
• 6:05
  Anything important Except I had got like a missed call from my mom.
• 6:08
  Yeah.
• 6:08
  And she was just trying to tell me like a story about the She told me this morning.
• 6:12
  Yeah.
• 6:13
  Like I, the story could have waited.
• 6:14
  Yep.
• 6:15
  And it did.
• 6:15
  It waited.
• 6:16
  So I love it.
• 6:17
  Anyways, here we are today.
• 6:19
  I know.
• 6:19
  I love it.
• 6:20
  All right, so what's on for today?
• 6:22
  You had a great conversation with your friend Lauren sparked this conversation.
• 6:26
  I was chatting with my girl, Lauren Rosoff, who we had on the podcast a little while ago, and she is another fellow influencer content creator.
• 6:36
  And we had such a wonderful conversation with her on the podcast, and she still listens to the podcast, which means a ton to us.
• 6:42
  And we were just chatting about episodes that she had listened to and we got into kind of this topic of hobbies as a mom, but also just as, I hate using this, but middle aged woman, right?
• 7:01
  We talk about how important hobbies are and how you need them and they help to fill your cup and it helps you like lead to long time friendships and all of these things, but we don't really talk about like the nitty gritty of if you.
• 7:17
  Phased out of having hobbies for whatever reason, like how hard it is to get back into them, and how you don't even sometimes know what you like to do in this phase of life.
• 7:27
  And so we wanted to unpack that today.
• 7:29
  Yeah.
• 7:29
  And t you're somebody who I asked you this question you did on this very podcast a long time ago because I talked about.
• 7:36
  Getting in my tents.
• 7:37
  Yes.
• 7:38
  And that's like another way I describe like my hobbies.
• 7:42
  Yeah.
• 7:42
  Because sometimes the word hobby can sound very somo like, oh, your hobbies, like what are you a little child who collects marbles?
• 7:48
  But no, a hobby is so much more than that.
• 7:51
  A hobby could be cooking once a week and following a recipe that's your hobby.
• 7:56
  A hobby could be walking daily, right?
• 7:58
  There's so many different things that hobbies can be to you.
• 8:00
  Yeah.
• 8:00
  And I think that word, I think you're like, what I was thinking of when I think of hobbies is it could feel overwhelming.
• 8:06
  And so I think, and it like, like another task could feel like shit, now I need a hobby.
• 8:09
  And I think it could feel like maybe something bigger than it needs to be.
• 8:14
  It could just be doing things that you enjoy.
• 8:17
  Doing.
• 8:17
  Yeah.
• 8:17
  And it doesn't have to be a sport.
• 8:19
  It doesn't have to be something.
• 8:21
  Crazy.
• 8:22
  You know what I mean?
• 8:23
  So I think sometimes when you think of the word hobby, it just feels like this huge time commitment or it's like too overwhelming.
• 8:30
  And so we wanted to like completely unpack and really talk about this.
• 8:34
  And you're somebody who, I have lots of hobbies.
• 8:36
  You do have lots of hobbies and you not only have lots of h hobbies, you intentionally make time to do those hobbies.
• 8:43
  When Lauren and I were talking, we're both, she's about a year postpartum and I am almost two at this point, almost two years postpartum.
• 8:53
  And we're trying to figure out what we even like to do.
• 8:57
  And I think sometimes when you have work, that's something that you like to do and work that is.
• 9:03
  Kind of all consuming, that almost takes over as a hobby.
• 9:07
  So sometimes when I have downtime, I wanna throw myself into work.
• 9:11
  And it's like a habit that over the last 15 years I've just done, because it's oh, if I have some time, I feel like it's partially guilt.
• 9:19
  And it's partially that when I'm in a good workspace, I enjoy my work so much that I wanna create content and I wanna share things that I like.
• 9:28
  And so sometimes I have to take a step back and say, no let's do other things.
• 9:32
  What are the other things that you like to do?
• 9:35
  Because there are other things that I enjoy doing outside of work, outside of working out.
• 9:41
  I also think that sometimes, you can fall into that trap where it's oh, I enjoy working out, so I'm gonna go work out.
• 9:48
  And it's yes, that could be considered a hobby, but I don't know if it's considered my hobby.
• 9:53
  You know what I mean?
• 9:53
  I think that there's different.
• 9:55
  Categories for hobbies.
• 9:57
  And I think that when you start a hobby, you have to think of them as they can be practical, they can be used for personal growth.
• 10:05
  They don't just have to be from like wellness and movement.
• 10:07
  Although I think that's like a terrific place to start if you're a, a young mom and you're trying to cr in incorporate movement into your life, I think that's a great place to start.
• 10:17
  I think so when I like a twofer turn.
• 10:19
  Yeah.
• 10:19
  Yeah.
• 10:19
  When I turned 30, that's when I started my first hobby.
• 10:22
  So Vincent was, I think a year old.
• 10:24
  So I was probably around the same period in my life that you and Lauren are in.
• 10:27
  So like Joseph was three-ish and Vincent was like one-ish.
• 10:32
  And I picked up tennis.
• 10:33
  Now you don't have to pick up tennis.
• 10:35
  Not everybody is gonna wanna pick up a sport.
• 10:37
  But I started with that because I wanted to do something by myself.
• 10:41
  Which is ironic because it ended up turning into sport, something do with friends sport.
• 10:46
  And now my children and my family.
• 10:48
  I digress.
• 10:49
  But at the time it was something just, for me, it was a commitment I was making just for myself.
• 10:54
  It was time away just for myself.
• 10:56
  And the, my original thought was, I barely have enough time to do what I'm doing.
• 11:01
  How am I gonna create more time?
• 11:02
  But I think if you go into it with the mindset, and you have to be honest with yourself, I was wasting a lot of time.
• 11:09
  I still do waste time, and I'm sure I'm a big time too, and I'm sure people, all people do, but when you prioritize something new you will make sure that you're not wasting time.
• 11:18
  So you're taking like wasted time away to do something productive.
• 11:22
  So maybe that was actually just scrolling or It was probably scrolling.
• 11:27
  Scrolling is the biggest time waster, but you can figure out the time to do it.
• 11:32
  So I started to do tennis and that was so fun.
• 11:35
  It was such a commitment.
• 11:35
  I would do it weekly.
• 11:36
  I would pick up the lessons.
• 11:39
  I would do it like right after drop off, I picked a court that was right near the school to maximize my time away.
• 11:45
  And it was great and it worked out and I loved it.
• 11:47
  And then what ended up happening was, is it became more social for me and I ended up doing it with friends I know.
• 11:51
  And you met a lot of people there too.
• 11:52
  I met a lot of friends playing tennis and it was like a, it was just, it was great.
• 11:56
  I still play.
• 11:57
  I'm on a team now.
• 11:58
  Now I play with my husband, I play with my kids.
• 12:00
  My kids played, so it turned into something.
• 12:03
  Bigger.
• 12:03
  Mm-hmm.
• 12:03
  But that was, for me, that was a great place to start.
• 12:07
  So that was your first to start?
• 12:07
  Your first one, like post-college?
• 12:10
  Probably yeah, post-college.
• 12:11
  Post kids, obviously post kids.
• 12:13
  Yeah.
• 12:13
  And then my second hobby that I picked up was philanthropy.
• 12:16
  And I had always done a ton of fundraising when I was in high school.
• 12:19
  I went to Catholic school.
• 12:20
  I always talk about this.
• 12:21
  That was just like, part of what was woven into our curriculum was fundraising.
• 12:25
  And then right around the same time when Vincent was like a year and a half and Joseph was three and a half.
• 12:30
  I started doing fundraising.
• 12:31
  And that was another thing that really turned into, that's a hobby, right?
• 12:35
  That's a passion, it really filled another bucket in my life and it was a commitment.
• 12:39
  I was making a commitment to something.
• 12:41
  I had to attend monthly meetings.
• 12:43
  I think when hobbies become more like a chore and they feel like.
• 12:49
  Oh, I have to.
• 12:51
  Yes.
• 12:51
  That's when the hobby is no longer suiting you.
• 12:53
  So it's good to explore some things.
• 12:55
  You don't have to put so much pressure on yourself.
• 12:58
  To stick with one hobby forever.
• 13:00
  If you're not enjoying it, if you're thinking of it as a chore, you have to put it to the wayside.
• 13:04
  There are so many other things you could be doing.
• 13:06
  So I have a question to ask you, because tell me, we've talked about this numerous different times, but we've talked about how sometimes you don't even know what your hobbies are and it's like hard to even go through and pick something.
• 13:19
  So for tennis, since that was like your first rodeo.
• 13:23
  Mm-hmm.
• 13:23
  Right?
• 13:23
  You're like, I'm okay.
• 13:24
  I wanna pick this up.
• 13:25
  Was it something that you were completely new to, or did you have some background in it maybe when you were a kid?
• 13:31
  Or did you just say, Hey, this looks like something that I want to do and now I'm going to pursue that as a hobby?
• 13:38
  No, I never picked up a racket before in my life really until that moment.
• 13:41
  Wow.
• 13:41
  So I played soccer when I was a kid.
• 13:44
  I played soccer.
• 13:45
  I was on like team sports.
• 13:46
  I played in college, but I have absolutely no interest in playing soccer right now.
• 13:51
  Interesting.
• 13:51
  I didn't know that.
• 13:52
  I thought that you had a tennis background for some reasoning.
• 13:54
  No.
• 13:54
  I never picked up.
• 13:55
  So this really was something you started at 30.
• 13:56
  I never picked up a racket in my life.
• 13:58
  Wow.
• 13:59
  So when Nick and I moved here, we joined the golf club.
• 14:02
  And.
• 14:02
  I tried golfing and I really, I don't like golfing.
• 14:05
  I do golf because it's something I could do with my husband and my kids, but I do not like it.
• 14:09
  It you hit one ball and then it goes somewhere and you gotta walk all the way to your shitty ball and then you gotta hit another one.
• 14:15
  It's not for me.
• 14:16
  Not for you.
• 14:17
  It's not for me.
• 14:18
  But I would always admire the other women walking down to the courts to play tennis.
• 14:23
  I'm like, that looks like fun.
• 14:25
  And I loved their outfits that they were wearing.
• 14:27
  I love that they would come off the court sweaty.
• 14:29
  I love to get a good workout in.
• 14:31
  And I was like, I'm gonna try this.
• 14:33
  Why not?
• 14:33
  Wow.
• 14:33
  So I found a coach, I like asked around, I found a coach not at the club like somewhere else.
• 14:39
  So I was like away.
• 14:41
  And also Yeah, because it's intimidating.
• 14:43
  It's intimidating.
• 14:43
  Yes.
• 14:43
  It's very intimidating.
• 14:44
  And I wanted to, and I started over the winter.
• 14:46
  I started in September right after my birthday.
• 14:48
  And I wanted to do lessons all winter.
• 14:50
  Yeah.
• 14:50
  By myself.
• 14:51
  So by springtime I could go and play at the club.
• 14:53
  Yep.
• 14:54
  And that's something that not a lot of people share.
• 14:57
  Like it's hard to start.
• 14:58
  It's so hard.
• 14:59
  It's so hard to start.
• 15:00
  It is because you feel like I'm gonna suck and nobody's gonna wanna play with me.
• 15:03
  For sure.
• 15:03
  But the reality of is it now I'm better.
• 15:06
  I would play with anybody anytime.
• 15:08
  'cause I just love it so much and I love spending time with my friends.
• 15:11
  And I think that's really, I would play with anybody.
• 15:13
  That's a really inspiring story because I think, I didn't even realize, I thought that you had some, I thought you had some background in it, but that's really, I didn't even own a racket.
• 15:21
  I had bar, I used to borrow one from the coach.
• 15:24
  Hopefully the Pippa can take away like a little bit of that because I feel it's just one of those things that seems super intimidating to just start something completely new.
• 15:34
  In your thirties, in your forties, in your fifties, whenever it might be, even in your twenties.
• 15:37
  It's like a little push.
• 15:39
  You need a nudge of it's okay to completely start something new.
• 15:41
  It doesn't have to be something that you did before.
• 15:44
  And I think even for me to hear that, because I'm going back thinking what did I like to do before?
• 15:49
  And some of those things definitely do still apply, but some of them don't.
• 15:54
  And so it's, it could be a spinoff of it, right?
• 15:56
  I loved being on a team.
• 15:58
  You, I loved, knew moving my body.
• 15:59
  I loved being an athlete.
• 16:01
  I loved competing, but I didn't, I wouldn't wanna play soccer anymore.
• 16:04
  I honestly, I don't even remember loving soccer when I was playing soccer.
• 16:08
  But again, we grew up in the, nineties?
• 16:10
  Mm-hmm.
• 16:10
  When there weren't a lot of choices.
• 16:13
  Like it was like soccer, basketball.
• 16:15
  Softball.
• 16:16
  At least at my school.
• 16:17
  Yeah, for sure.
• 16:18
  Was pretty basic.
• 16:19
  Yep.
• 16:19
  There wasn't an option to play tennis or squash or be on the ski team.
• 16:25
  Or all of these options that now I, serve to my children.
• 16:29
  Yeah.
• 16:29
  And I know now pickleball is a huge one, so I feel like that could be something.
• 16:33
  I feel like that's a good social one.
• 16:34
  I also think it's pickleball is awesome.
• 16:36
  Yeah.
• 16:36
  I also think it's, you could do this with a friend, like if you both were interested in doing something, sometimes you just need one person to do something with.
• 16:46
  I do like the idea though, of honoring a commitment to yourself and really putting yourself first and saying I'm gonna do this.
• 16:54
  I'm gonna make the commitment, and it's a commitment to me and like my craft of learning to do something so that it really is for you.
• 17:02
  That's why.
• 17:02
  That's why.
• 17:03
  And then you're not feeling pressure.
• 17:04
  Yeah.
• 17:05
  If like your friend picks it up and has more interest in it, I think it's nice to, I think it's a nice thought and that's usually where my mind goes is I wanna have somebody with me to handhold me a little bit.
• 17:15
  But I think just putting yourself out there.
• 17:18
  And going for something like truly, and putting yourself first is so impactful and powerful.
• 17:24
  I think you'll get more out of it.
• 17:26
  Yes.
• 17:26
  And the handholding could just maybe be your friend setting you up with a coach that they trust.
• 17:32
  Or we're talking tennis, but Right.
• 17:33
  Yeah.
• 17:33
  Yeah.
• 17:33
  Again like the friend can maybe be like the recommendation this is a trusted place.
• 17:37
  This is close to your house.
• 17:39
  I'll help set up the appointment for you, or whatever it is.
• 17:41
  And then sometimes just doing something on your own is very rewarding.
• 17:44
  It is.
• 17:45
  I remember feeling so proud of myself.
• 17:47
  Yeah.
• 17:47
  Trying, Trying this.
• 17:49
  I can't believe how far you've come then in those nine years.
• 17:52
  I'm not like a stellar tennis player.
• 17:54
  Yeah.
• 17:54
  But you're very committed to it and you obviously, you know what you're doing.
• 17:58
  You take it extremely serious.
• 17:59
  I enjoy it.
• 18:00
  I really, it love it.
• 18:01
  And I'll also tell our listeners that.
• 18:04
  It didn't serve me one of the years because my girls were in school like three days a week.
• 18:09
  And the day that we were practicing was one of those days.
• 18:13
  And I remember telling, make it work.
• 18:14
  My team, this year I'm out because if this is the only time that works for the group, I can't, if I only have three days of childcare for three hours, I can't take two of those hours out at this time in my life.
• 18:26
  So then you go back to put on pause.
• 18:28
  There's always, but there's always next year.
• 18:30
  Yep.
• 18:31
  And so one of the years I didn't play, I would play with Nick or the kids, but I wasn't committed.
• 18:35
  I couldn't commit to the weekly lessons.
• 18:37
  And I just think if you pause a hobby, that's okay.
• 18:40
  You can come back to it.
• 18:41
  Yep.
• 18:41
  I like that too.
• 18:41
  That's really good advice.
• 18:44
  I rattled off why I reintegrated them Yes.
• 18:47
  Into my life.
• 18:47
  Yes.
• 18:47
  But why do you think that?
• 18:50
  'cause currently you're exploring what,'cause you wanna get into this.
• 18:53
  Yeah.
• 18:53
  You and Lauren are exploring this.
• 18:55
  Why do you think hobbies disappeared for you?
• 18:58
  I think that's a tough question.
• 18:59
  'cause I think some of it it's multilayered because I think some of it is just that as you get older, obviously the, there's like the lack of.
• 19:08
  Hobby resources available.
• 19:10
  You know what I mean?
• 19:11
  It's not like you can just sign your kid up for something.
• 19:13
  You have a plethora of things to sign them up for.
• 19:16
  Like adult hobbies are probably just a little bit more view and far between.
• 19:21
  Disagree.
• 19:22
  You do.
• 19:22
  I disagree.
• 19:22
  Yeah.
• 19:23
  I think that there's just as many things for us to do.
• 19:26
  I just think that when you're a parent, you become so focused.
• 19:30
  Yeah.
• 19:30
  On signing your kids up for all the things that's, and then you find I was then I think that there's just as many things for us out there.
• 19:35
  I, then maybe that's true.
• 19:36
  Maybe I'm not.
• 19:37
  Spending the time to research those as much because I'm so interested in signing the kids up for things.
• 19:42
  Yeah.
• 19:42
  So my hobbies, if I think back, just so we can start the podcast.
• 19:46
  Yes.
• 19:46
  Knowing the things that I would consider my hobbies.
• 19:49
  Yes.
• 19:49
  Tell me what your hobbies are.
• 19:49
  So my hobbies, when I was a child were dancing feeder and horseback riding.
• 19:56
  Those were like my, no, you used to horseback ride.
• 19:58
  Yes.
• 19:58
  I used to horseback ride, get out.
• 19:59
  And so for me, we live in like country town know there's stables everywhere, so that's an easy one.
• 20:04
  So that is gonna be, oh my God, that is on my list to get back into.
• 20:07
  And I know I live in an area where that is very prominent and an easy for me to do, but dancing is a huge one.
• 20:14
  And that was something I did into my twenties and even like into my.
• 20:18
  Mid twenties I danced and so I would love You were a collegiate dancer.
• 20:22
  That's, yes, and I would love to get back into that.
• 20:24
  I would love to actually commit to going to an adult class doing something like that, but there aren't as many of those so that was what, in my mind I agree.
• 20:33
  What I was referring to is I agree, there's not dance classes Monday through Friday all over the place.
• 20:39
  Like it's like you're at the mercy of schedules, sometimes with some of these adult hobbies and then theater.
• 20:45
  I don't know if I would wanna necessarily be in a play like anymore.
• 20:49
  But I would love to actively go to things like that.
• 20:53
  You know what I mean?
• 20:53
  Be a spec.
• 20:54
  So like of course that's something that I can easily integrate into my life again.
• 20:58
  But as far as participate, I don't know if I have it in me anymore.
• 21:01
  I don't know if that would be something that I would wanna do or, and that's a huge time commitment too, but, and then horseback riding.
• 21:07
  So that is something that I can do easily.
• 21:10
  So maybe'cause I think that's a little bit more available.
• 21:12
  So maybe you like make a commitment to yourself that you are going to quarterly go to the Bushnell and see plays.
• 21:18
  Have that be something that I can do regularly.
• 21:20
  'cause you loved them, so you loved participating in the much, so much you Yes.
• 21:24
  You respect the inner workings of the crew and putting it together, whole production and the whole production.
• 21:30
  So that's definitely something that I could do.
• 21:32
  As far as, back to your original question though, like why, what was it?
• 21:35
  Why?
• 21:36
  Yeah, why do you think they all phased out and do you think they phased out before you became a mom?
• 21:41
  Or do you think they phased out just as you, because this doesn't necessarily have to pertain to just motherhood.
• 21:45
  I was gonna say, I think some of them phased out when I became an adult.
• 21:50
  Like after college, they just naturally phased out.
• 21:53
  And then of course, I think as you enter motherhood or any sort of chapter where you just need to do things for yourself, I think you obviously think of what you used to like to do and the hobbies that you like to commit to.
• 22:06
  So I think it's just more top of mind now.
• 22:09
  And probably I'm putting more pressure on myself now.
• 22:11
  But I think that they were phased out.
• 22:14
  I can't blame motherhood for Yeah, phasing them out.
• 22:17
  I can blame motherhood on why it's harder to get back into I them integrate them.
• 22:20
  Yes, for sure.
• 22:22
  But I think that this is something that I'm sure a lot of people can relate to.
• 22:25
  You're like, what am I even doing for myself as a true hobby right now?
• 22:29
  You right.
• 22:30
  And yeah so your interests seem to fall under more of the arts, like the creative arts?
• 22:36
  Yes, always for sure.
• 22:37
  Okay.
• 22:38
  For sure.
• 22:39
  Oh, I'm interested about the horseback riding.
• 22:41
  Yeah.
• 22:42
  Where you can take that.
• 22:43
  'cause we have some adult friends of ours, we have that horseback ride and some friends that just started recently.
• 22:48
  I know.
• 22:48
  As adults.
• 22:48
  I know.
• 22:48
  So I feel like the opportunity is there for you For sure.
• 22:51
  And I think that once I'm hoping that my kids will get involved in that.
• 22:55
  And I went to ended horseback riding pretty little.
• 22:58
  So I think that will even make it easier to once you're, you can almost use your kids as okay, I'm gonna bring you for lessons.
• 23:04
  And then you get acclimated to the space too.
• 23:07
  Yeah.
• 23:07
  And then you're like, okay, now we're all in this together.
• 23:09
  We could either do this as a family or I could ride separately.
• 23:12
  So that is definitely, or you could start up again now, or I start up again, get, bring refreshed and then bring them.
• 23:17
  I think that would be the perfect integration.
• 23:19
  Yep.
• 23:19
  Exactly.
• 23:19
  So that's definitely, now that I'm mapping out.
• 23:23
  Like my new kind of schedule and who needs to go where, and I really have a handle on how much time I have, to dedicate back to myself.
• 23:32
  I can start working on some of these things, but I think that the big question sometimes is you're like, who am I now?
• 23:39
  Part of our message all the time is that you have to rediscover yourself, right?
• 23:44
  You have to know who you are now and try to find out who you are at this time in your life.
• 23:50
  It doesn't necessarily mean after motherhood because I think everybody kind of ebbs and flows, but I think you need to figure out what you like against before you can make the decisions of what you wanna pursue for hobbies.
• 24:01
  Hobbies definitely also can teach you.
• 24:04
  If you are trying a couple things and you're like, oh wait, I am still this girl.
• 24:08
  This girl's still in there, or I don't like, this isn't for me anymore.
• 24:11
  I do this anymore.
• 24:12
  Think we're having both sides of that where I wanna go back to things that I did before and then you were intrigued by something.
• 24:20
  Yeah.
• 24:20
  And you were like, I wanna take this on now.
• 24:21
  So you really can look at yourself and just say.
• 24:25
  You almost need to do like a little exercise for yourself.
• 24:27
  What did I used to enjoy doing?
• 24:29
  Are any of those still applicable right now?
• 24:32
  Are any of those things that I could do as an adult?
• 24:35
  And if not, or in addition, is there anything that I've been intrigued to try or to intrigued to learn?
• 24:43
  And then go from there.
• 24:44
  So I think that rediscovering yourself and being in touch with who you are and what you like and maybe what comes natural to you even too,'cause I think it's nice sometimes when you feel comfortable doing something, like I tend to gravitate towards this.
• 24:58
  Like you were saying I liked the competitiveness of sports and stuff like that doesn't really feel like me.
• 25:04
  So that would be a little bit more of a stretch, for somebody like me, but for you, you like loved that.
• 25:09
  That's something that you like to do.
• 25:11
  So I think that's helpful to think about that with yourself, and then come to the conclusion.
• 25:15
  I think it's very easy to blame our kids, of course, because they're the scapegoats, because they it's so easy to take.
• 25:23
  Yes.
• 25:23
  But I've also learned that when it comes to integrating hobbies in my life, you can almost use your kids as the excuse mm-hmm.
• 25:31
  to be a kid again and to try things again.
• 25:33
  Yes, for sure.
• 25:33
  Like we, me and Nick have tried so many new things.
• 25:36
  Because we are parents and I'll give you an example.
• 25:39
  So during COVID.
• 25:41
  Nick and I have never stepped on a mountain before in our i'll take that back.
• 25:44
  I tried snowboarding once when I was in eighth grade.
• 25:46
  And I hated it because I hated the helmet.
• 25:48
  I had bangs at the time.
• 25:50
  I had curly hair.
• 25:51
  I hated how it made my bangs look.
• 25:52
  It was awful.
• 25:53
  I never wanted to go back ever again.
• 25:56
  It's like shocker.
• 25:57
  But anywho, so during COD, the kids didn't have any sports that winter, so we were like, what are we gonna do with these kids all winter?
• 26:04
  No hockey's canceled.
• 26:06
  There's nothing to do.
• 26:07
  What are we gonna do?
• 26:07
  So we all picked up skiing and Nick and I never stepped on a mountain before in our lives.
• 26:13
  The boys absolutely loved it.
• 26:15
  Yeah.
• 26:15
  And Nick and I were terrified, but we kept getting out there like weekend after weekend.
• 26:21
  Now I don't love skiing.
• 26:22
  Yeah.
• 26:23
  It's not for me.
• 26:24
  Nick does not love skiing, but.
• 26:26
  We found something that the six of us can do together.
• 26:29
  Together.
• 26:29
  Yep.
• 26:30
  So now we ski from time to time.
• 26:32
  So there's also hobbies like that.
• 26:34
  Like I'm not gonna go off and scan my own.
• 26:36
  It's not a commitment.
• 26:36
  It's not a commitment.
• 26:38
  I tried something new.
• 26:38
  I'm so proud of myself.
• 26:40
  There was no better feeling than trying something.
• 26:43
  Like I took the, I did not take the path of least resistance.
• 26:46
  I didn't sit in the lodge and scroll on my phone or just get food for everybody.
• 26:51
  You went out there.
• 26:51
  I do that sometimes.
• 26:52
  Yeah.
• 26:52
  But I went out there, I tried, I was scared my son had to help me get down.
• 26:56
  College.
• 26:57
  You can do it.
• 26:57
  If everybody else is doing it, I can do it.
• 26:59
  So maybe that's a bad example of trying a new hobby.
• 27:02
  No.
• 27:02
  Because I also think that was trying something new.
• 27:04
  No, I actually think that's an important takeaway because I think sometimes the pressure of a hobby, it's back to that commitment thing.
• 27:12
  Yeah.
• 27:12
  Where it's if it's not something that you're doing all the time and yes, you wanna be into some of these things, but I also just do think it's nice if you know how to do some of these things so you can participate in things if it comes up.
• 27:24
  Yeah.
• 27:24
  So I do.
• 27:25
  I like that.
• 27:26
  I like that.
• 27:26
  I think another co, like couple examples we can like sprinkle into maybe help.
• 27:32
  Maybe come up with some ideas if you're kind thinking about things, right?
• 27:36
  If you're in this boat and you are in this like another decade of your life Yeah.
• 27:40
  And you're like, I wanna incorporate something, right?
• 27:43
  If you're feeling a little uninspired.
• 27:45
  Yeah.
• 27:46
  Here is a couple of examples, maybe that can spark some inspiration because the list, this list is not like anything Yeah.
• 27:53
  Multi-layered or complicated.
• 27:54
  Yeah.
• 27:54
  And it doesn't.
• 27:55
  Always have to require a ton of money or a ton of time.
• 27:59
  There are things, I think one that I had also talked about is getting back into reading again.
• 28:05
  And you do this, you have a book club read.
• 28:07
  Oh, I do have a book club, which I get, so I feel like that's another great hobby.
• 28:11
  And you do that with your friends from home, which is so exciting.
• 28:13
  That's like a perfect one because you can do that on your own time individually.
• 28:18
  And, but then you guys get together and do a book club once a month.
• 28:22
  Yeah.
• 28:22
  Which I feel like then you get a little bit of like a social aspect and get to involve people.
• 28:26
  And we don't all make it every month.
• 28:28
  There's been, like I went to book club last month at my girlfriend's,'cause my friend Katrina hosts the Halloween book club and it's my favorite.
• 28:35
  I know.
• 28:35
  Who said cannot.
• 28:36
  My favorite one.
• 28:36
  I know.
• 28:37
  That one looks so fun.
• 28:37
  Like she just always does an amazing job.
• 28:39
  Yeah.
• 28:39
  But the last time I was at book club before that was July.
• 28:42
  Because I just hadn't been able to make it because of just, it's like pressure.
• 28:45
  Pressure.
• 28:46
  But.
• 28:46
  That's one.
• 28:47
  That's a really, but I think that's another good idea.
• 28:48
  So if you like getting into reading and if other friends or even other kind of acquaintances, like that could be something that could easily be put together and you can come up with a reading list with a group of people.
• 28:59
  And they even have I know it's nice to get FaceTime with people, but there are like online book clubs too that you can join or like book club networks that you can join.
• 29:08
  'cause I've seen some of those circulate.
• 29:09
  A couple of the podcasts I listen to have like spinoffs where they also do like a book a month or something and then they do, do a podcast to recap it or whatever.
• 29:18
  But I feel like there's other ways and listening to the podcast recap I think would be great.
• 29:22
  Yeah.
• 29:22
  I think every time you do something, it's always fun to share it always with somebody.
• 29:27
  Yes.
• 29:28
  And that's the point of the book club.
• 29:30
  Yes.
• 29:30
  We've all just done something together.
• 29:31
  We've read this book.
• 29:32
  Yeah.
• 29:32
  Let's share it.
• 29:33
  Let's also share what's going on in our lives.
• 29:35
  'cause otherwise it doesn't always, sometimes it makes what you're doing.
• 29:38
  It's exciting.
• 29:38
  More fun.
• 29:39
  It is.
• 29:39
  Because it's just like when you watch something and you're like, oh, I wanna talk to somebody about this.
• 29:44
  It's just, it's part of it.
• 29:45
  It's part of the experience EI.
• 29:47
  Exactly.
• 29:47
  And it also makes the hobby more.
• 29:50
  Yep.
• 29:51
  More fun.
• 29:51
  Another one I think would be just even cooking.
• 29:54
  Yes.
• 29:54
  Oh my god.
• 29:55
  Cooking.
• 29:55
  Cooking has turned into like a task for me that I despise because Me too, I'm cooking for children that are like, yeah.
• 30:04
  Like my daughter.
• 30:04
  Yesterday my mom made the most amazing dinner.
• 30:07
  My daughter told her that.
• 30:08
  It tasted like throw up.
• 30:10
  Oh.
• 30:11
  And I was like, don't laugh.
• 30:12
  Like we were all laughing.
• 30:13
  I was like, don't laugh.
• 30:14
  I know.
• 30:14
  And she probably poured her heart and soul into it and the rest of us were like licking our plates.
• 30:18
  Yeah.
• 30:18
  It was like the most amazing dinner ever.
• 30:20
  So her feelings were not hurt.
• 30:21
  Yeah.
• 30:21
  But I was like, do you see why I hate cooking dinner now?
• 30:24
  Yeah.
• 30:24
  I know sometimes it takes the fun out of it, but.
• 30:27
  Okay.
• 30:27
  Maybe I'm not cooking for her.
• 30:29
  Yes, I'm cooking for me.
• 30:30
  'cause I love to find a recipe and go to a Trader Joe's and get the ingredients, follow the recipe and cook it.
• 30:35
  That's a hobby.
• 30:36
  That's an activity.
• 30:37
  Yep.
• 30:37
  I totally agree.
• 30:38
  Honestly, I feel you on that.
• 30:41
  Yes.
• 30:41
  And we have.
• 30:42
  Two picky eaters.
• 30:43
  I know we are aligned with this and we won't get into our food tantrum that we normally go down, but I have two picky eaters and I used to love, I used to really enjoy cooking.
• 30:53
  I won't say that I'm like the best cook you are.
• 30:55
  I don't do, I think you are anything like insanely elaborate or anything.
• 30:58
  But I feel like since having kids, I'm cooking for survival.
• 31:03
  That's, it's like everyone has to eat.
• 31:05
  We have to eat and it's, I'm not really cooking because I enjoy it anymore and I miss that so much.
• 31:11
  And so this is not my pink spotlight and I was gonna save this as a pink spotlight.
• 31:15
  But one of the little tricks that I started doing,'cause I really do miss it and I also just miss cooking for us, I feel like.
• 31:22
  Again, it's one of those things where I'm like, oh, we're, we have to cook things and make sure the kids are going to eat it, or we're always trying to, even if we make something for ourselves, it's not too spicy, not too Yeah.
• 31:31
  Like we're just moreland.
• 31:32
  We're always trying to be like, then how can we spin this off so the kids could eat it?
• 31:36
  And it's just always for them.
• 31:38
  Then it makes it annoying.
• 31:39
  Yes.
• 31:39
  And then I'm also like, I miss eating what I want to eat.
• 31:42
  You know what I mean?
• 31:43
  Yeah.
• 31:43
  So what we ended up doing the last couple of weeks is we subscribed to Marley Spoon, which is Martha Stewart's.
• 31:51
  Box that you can send.
• 31:53
  It's like her recipe box.
• 31:54
  So everything comes in a box, ingredients and recipe, ingredient, ingredients, and recipe.
• 31:58
  And you can do it for like your family too.
• 32:01
  So you can choose the size, which I like.
• 32:03
  'cause a lot of them used to be for two people and that wouldn't work for us anymore.
• 32:07
  So I'm not doing this like all the time, but I'll send a box to myself and then I'll be able to cook something for us.
• 32:15
  And it's like a good re, it's like a Martha Stewart recipe.
• 32:18
  So it's usually like pretty intricate.
• 32:20
  And I'm like, this is so nice.
• 32:22
  I just made like the most delicious chili ever.
• 32:25
  And it wasn't just, I don't wanna make this offputting.
• 32:29
  It wasn't just throw everything in a crockpot.
• 32:31
  It was very like It was cooking.
• 32:33
  You were cooking.
• 32:33
  Yeah.
• 32:34
  It wasn't just dump everything and go.
• 32:36
  'cause I feel like that's you.
• 32:37
  I do.
• 32:38
  I do a lot of that.
• 32:38
  This was a little bit more like.
• 32:41
  Technique ish and in a good way where I was like, wow, I actually feel like I'm cooking and this actually tastes like I put some love into it.
• 32:48
  Like it tastes like there were steps involved and it wasn't So this was a dinner just for you and your husband?
• 32:52
  Yeah.
• 32:52
  Like of the kids have are they'll eat it.
• 32:55
  Like they'll eat a little bit of it, but it's like not their favorite thing.
• 32:57
  I wasn't worrying, I was like, no, we're spicing it how I'm supposed to spice it.
• 33:01
  Like I'm not worrying about, dumbing this down for the kids.
• 33:04
  Like I, this is something that I wanted to do and it was so nice.
• 33:08
  And so I'm going to have a couple of those come a month just so that we know that we have a nice meal and I'm just gonna make it for us.
• 33:15
  It's like good.
• 33:16
  They can have pasta from yesterday and we'll eat something nice that I enjoyed making and I do feel like you like.
• 33:25
  You can taste when there's love put into it.
• 33:27
  Like you really can.
• 33:28
  And so cooking and recipe following Yeah.
• 33:30
  I think is a hobby.
• 33:31
  And I think some of those boxes make it really easy where it's like less thinking, and I feel like it's also yes.
• 33:36
  So we're treating ourselves great.
• 33:38
  And then it's we're getting a good meal and I got to do something enjoyable.
• 33:42
  That didn't feel like a chore.
• 33:42
  I think when hobbies feel like work or chore Yeah.
• 33:45
  We're not gonna do them.
• 33:46
  Yeah.
• 33:46
  So even if you love to entertain mm-hmm.
• 33:48
  and you love to set a nice table and do a beautiful tablescape with candles and things matching, it ends up being a chore.
• 33:55
  'cause it is.
• 33:55
  It's more work.
• 33:56
  It's a lot of work.
• 33:57
  But once in a while if you can tell yourself like, I'm gonna enjoy this or you actually do enjoy it.
• 34:03
  You've made this delicious meal and you and your husband sit down, you're like, oh my God, this is so nice.
• 34:07
  You like, have a glass of wine.
• 34:08
  Yeah.
• 34:09
  It doesn it doesn't feel an experience.
• 34:10
  It doesn't feel like the chore.
• 34:13
  Not to put pressure on this topic, but,'cause we're talking about trying to lift pressure away, but we do talk about the importance of hobbies in adulthood and so we've talked about that sprinkling in throughout podcasts before, because a lot of it comes back to that.
• 34:32
  But why do you think that.
• 34:34
  They are so important and why it's something that you should try to prioritize when you can.
• 34:40
  I think as adults, especially as parents, it's easy to become known only by what we do for others, right?
• 34:49
  Your job only for your right, your family, like all of these roles, right?
• 34:53
  And then things that make you part of like things that make you actually interesting and fun and creative, and those are all things that will then fuel your roles, right?
• 35:03
  That will support your roles, like they're lost.
• 35:06
  So that's why I think it's so important to have, I also have interests, right?
• 35:11
  And I totally agree with you and I was gonna say that I also found you had used an example of.
• 35:18
  Joseph, watching you do tennis was like inspiring to him and his tennis journey.
• 35:24
  And how you're like, you're setting an example of committing to a sport and committing to do something that you like and committing to a team.
• 35:31
  And that has had an impact on him and he's seen that.
• 35:34
  Yeah.
• 35:35
  And so you're thinking of it, it's easy to think of things as oh, I'm doing this for myself and it feels selfish and it's pulling me away from my family and all of that.
• 35:44
  But you don't realize the impact that it can have.
• 35:47
  And instead of looking at it as a negative, it can be looked at as a positive.
• 35:51
  It makes them look to you more as just their caregiver, but their role model.
• 35:55
  Exactly.
• 35:56
  So my husband has different hobbies and different interests.
• 35:59
  He doesn't have I would say like the same cookie, like cookie cutter.
• 36:02
  One, so he's a drummer.
• 36:03
  So he, and he loves to collect drums.
• 36:05
  Yep.
• 36:05
  So he'll go down to the basement, he'll play drums, he collects drums.
• 36:08
  And I love when he goes down and plays the drums in the basement.
• 36:11
  'Cause I like to hear the music in the house.
• 36:13
  I like for my kids who we are encouraging to play an instrument, I like that they see their 44-year-old dad still continue to play an instrument.
• 36:22
  I like that.
• 36:22
  Nick also plays the piano.
• 36:24
  And if he hears a track on a song, like a pop song on the radio, he'll try to learn the song.
• 36:30
  Then the kids see that.
• 36:31
  I think the kids see that and they're like, oh, that's so cool, dad.
• 36:34
  Yeah.
• 36:34
  Or my husband loves to go to concerts.
• 36:37
  And he'll go to live shows by himself all the time.
• 36:40
  I know.
• 36:40
  He's done that forever.
• 36:41
  That's like his biggest hobby.
• 36:42
  He was just at one on Wednesday.
• 36:43
  And I just, again, my kids think that's cool.
• 36:46
  Or like now my kids collect Pokemon cards and Nick is really got really into the collecting of the Pokemon cards with them.
• 36:52
  With them and he because he's a collector by nature.
• 36:55
  So he got into it with them.
• 36:56
  Yeah.
• 36:57
  So I, that's, I just think that.
• 37:00
  Having hobbies and interests are just so multifaceted and just make you interesting.
• 37:04
  I know they do well.
• 37:05
  They certainly do.
• 37:06
  And I think that reframing it is really helpful.
• 37:10
  Yeah.
• 37:10
  Because this really could be impactful for everybody.
• 37:13
  You know what I mean?
• 37:14
  Yeah.
• 37:14
  And it's something that you can share and pass down and Yeah.
• 37:16
  I feel the same way.
• 37:17
  Raja has always been into the guitar.
• 37:20
  He really has felt like he, he misses it.
• 37:22
  His was really like when the kids came, he stopped playing guitar.
• 37:26
  And so he's been back into taking on online lessons.
• 37:29
  I know Raja played the guitar.
• 37:30
  Guitar.
• 37:30
  That's, and he plays it for the kids.
• 37:32
  And that's exactly, I love that.
• 37:33
  Another reason why I am like, this is so great.
• 37:36
  Like when we start, it's great for them to see It's so great and they take interest.
• 37:39
  They like immediately start like it's something that they can do together, yeah.
• 37:43
  And I think that all of this is just so wonderful and it could be looked at as such a positive Yeah.
• 37:48
  And less pressure.
• 37:49
  Yeah.
• 37:49
  So Nick interviews fellows.
• 37:52
  Mm-hmm.
• 37:52
  He has a fellowship for work and.
• 37:55
  During COVID, he had to do all of his interview fellow interviews from home.
• 37:58
  So I listened in on all of them and Nick asks the fellows very little about their academic achievements and their surgical capabilities.
• 38:07
  'cause he figures they've gotten to this point.
• 38:09
  It must be good.
• 38:10
  He bases all of his interviews based on people's interests.
• 38:14
  Interesting.
• 38:15
  And their hobbies, because he thinks that if you have passion about something, then you will pour passion into your job and that'll show in your career.
• 38:24
  Oh, I love that.
• 38:25
  And I love that.
• 38:25
  That's how he interviews people.
• 38:26
  Wow.
• 38:26
  'cause it also takes the pressure off the interview.
• 38:29
  Yeah.
• 38:30
  And oh my gosh, the stories he tells me about people's like passions and their hobbies.
• 38:36
  And I just think it's so cool.
• 38:37
  I think that, and they're all so different.
• 38:39
  That makes so much sense because too, because I just think that a lot of the times when you look at someone, you, you are drawn to people that are very well-rounded.
• 38:48
  And it's not just like one thing, they do this one thing.
• 38:51
  It's it is, it's interesting when you have lots of things that you like to do and and very healthy.
• 38:56
  It shows that you don't just put everything into one thing.
• 39:00
  Because that's not always the healthiest thing.
• 39:02
  But I'm sure people are sitting there and even me included, where you're like, this all sounds great, right.
• 39:09
  But how do you make the time when you feel like your time is non-existent?
• 39:14
  We touched on it a little bit because you said that sometimes it's just.
• 39:18
  Reprioritizing things like we do.
• 39:20
  I am a classic person where I think the phrase I don't have time comes out of my mouth 27 times a day.
• 39:29
  I feel like I, that is just, I live in that statement.
• 39:31
  I don't have time, I don't have time to do this.
• 39:33
  I don't have time to do this.
• 39:34
  I do have the time.
• 39:36
  It's just that I don't necessarily prioritize the time correctly and I don't have really strong time management skills.
• 39:43
  So how if you are someone listening to this and you're like, that sounds great, but like, how the f do I actually do that?
• 39:50
  How?
• 39:52
  What's the answer?
• 39:53
  So I think for me, first of all, I was just worried that I was gonna take time away from Nick and the kids and the kids.
• 40:00
  And I felt guilty about carving out time for my new hobby.
• 40:04
  But I think that when you are making a commitment to somebody, to something, your loved ones are gonna respect that.
• 40:10
  Yeah.
• 40:11
  And so I think that if that's just that's tier one.
• 40:13
  Take that pressure off.
• 40:14
  You're making a commitment to something, your loved ones are going to love and respect you and cheer you on.
• 40:19
  Mm-hmm.
• 40:19
  Just like your loved ones, when they take on hobbies, you're gonna do the same for them.
• 40:22
  So I think just like a mutual respect of everybody in your house should, you should cheer each other on Yes.
• 40:28
  For their hobbies.
• 40:29
  Yes.
• 40:29
  And then logistically you just gotta figure it out.
• 40:32
  Yeah.
• 40:33
  You just gotta figure it out.
• 40:34
  Because if you said 27 times, I don't have time, I don't have time, that probably took you 15 minutes.
• 40:38
  Not everything and not every hobby is I have to get in my car and drive 20 minutes.
• 40:43
  Right.
• 40:43
  And a 10 for an hour and drive 20 minutes home and be gone for.
• 40:46
  Two hours.
• 40:47
  So I think you can start with a microburst.
• 40:49
  We always talk about microbursts and how like important and impactful they are.
• 40:53
  And like starting small.
• 40:54
  Starting small.
• 40:54
  And also just what do you wanna do?
• 40:55
  Do you wanna move your body?
• 40:57
  Is that important to you?
• 40:58
  Then your hobby should be something you know, active.
• 41:00
  Do you wanna get off your phone?
• 41:02
  Your hobby could be something like reading.
• 41:04
  Do you want to create something, set up something in your house where you can create, or a space.
• 41:09
  A space where you can go create, or you wanna read a book, then start doing audio books while you're full laundry.
• 41:14
  You have to maximize your time.
• 41:15
  I'm not gonna tell you to wake up earlier.
• 41:18
  Like I, I would never give a mom that advice.
• 41:20
  Get up earlier oh, that's the worst.
• 41:22
  That's terrible advice.
• 41:22
  Also, I don't even follow that own advice, so I'm not gonna give you that advice.
• 41:25
  Also to, to get on that for a second.
• 41:29
  I feel like the second I started doing that, my kids started waking up.
• 41:33
  I know.
• 41:33
  I'm like, if I lay in bed counterproductive silently, then everyone will stay asleep.
• 41:38
  But if I get up and try to do anything productive, oh, I'm gonna go tiptoe down to the basement and get my workout in.
• 41:44
  Everyone's up.
• 41:45
  It's just I don't, so yes I get that.
• 41:48
  That's an annoying one.
• 41:49
  'cause I feel like if you're feeling creative or inspired put on a notes page.
• 41:52
  Open up a notes page and start jotting down little notes of things that.
• 41:57
  Make you feel inspired.
• 41:59
  I think that the importance of connection with other human beings mm-hmm.
• 42:03
  is a very important part of life.
• 42:05
  And I think that when you do hobbies, you also create personal connections with either people that are currently in your life.
• 42:12
  Yeah.
• 42:13
  Or maybe new people that you haven't, and that's a big one and I, that you haven't met yet.
• 42:16
  And I think it makes you feel good and safe.
• 42:18
  I think that we've talked about this too,'cause you've met a lot of people through your hobbies.
• 42:23
  And and I think that was one of your first tips, I think it was in our first episode, we talked about that, about how when you put yourself out there and you're doing new things, those connections form.
• 42:33
  So it is one of those things that's.
• 42:35
  Could be like a two for one, where it's like you're trying to put yourself out there so that you feel like you get your cup filled.
• 42:42
  And then in the meantime you might also meet other people who are doing the same thing.
• 42:47
  And those connections are so powerful.
• 42:51
  And those could lead to like more socializing, which is what everybody feels like they need.
• 42:56
  A lot of the times it's like that's another thing that people feel like is lacking in their lives.
• 43:00
  So sometimes you get that two for one.
• 43:02
  Like you're saying you started tennis and then because you enjoyed it so much, you ended up on a team and now you have a team, like you actually have a team of women that you play with.
• 43:12
  And some women moved at a faster pace than others.
• 43:15
  So some moved up, some are still on.
• 43:17
  Some moved it down.
• 43:19
  Some moved up in age.
• 43:20
  Yeah.
• 43:20
  So like things are always evolving.
• 43:22
  It's not like you feel stuck, like you don't have to feel stuck.
• 43:24
  But you still have all of those connections.
• 43:26
  And I think that sometimes when you feel like people, even if it's not the most.
• 43:33
  Like closest relationship, but just to like know that, you know, people is such a comforting feeling.
• 43:40
  So you could play with somebody for a little while and now you have new people joining your team, but you still know those other people.
• 43:46
  Yeah.
• 43:46
  That were on your previous team and it just starts to feel like community based.
• 43:50
  It does.
• 43:50
  And it feels so good to have that.
• 43:52
  It does.
• 43:53
  And some of the women that we play with are older than us.
• 43:56
  And they have children that are older than us, like high school, college age.
• 43:58
  And I love to hear their stories.
• 44:00
  Yeah.
• 44:00
  Oh my God, your daughter's driving.
• 44:02
  How is that going?
• 44:03
  Tell me what, yeah.
• 44:03
  You meet other people in different, I just feel like there's so many other things that come along with a hobby.
• 44:09
  So back to that, lifting the pressure off it could be, because I think the word hobby ha it has, maybe not, I don't wanna say like a bad vibe to it or something, what does the word hobby even mean?
• 44:25
  Because don't you feel like it has a negative connotation attached with it?
• 44:28
  Like people say oh, it's a hobby.
• 44:30
  Go get a, or go get a hobby.
• 44:31
  Or it's something like, like it's a bad thing.
• 44:34
  A hobby is an activity you do.
• 44:36
  Regularly or semi-regularly for pleasure, relaxation, or personal fulfillment.
• 44:42
  Yeah.
• 44:42
  Why does it feel like it has a little bit of a, that, that doesn't sound bad, but I do feel like in society it does feel like it has a negative weight to it of some sort.
• 44:52
  And I don't know why.
• 44:54
  I feel like I don't, I can't put my finger on that, the five pillars of hobbies are creativity.
• 44:59
  Mm-hmm.
• 45:00
  Active.
• 45:01
  Mm-hmm.
• 45:01
  Social.
• 45:01
  Mm-hmm.
• 45:02
  Relaxing and skill building.
• 45:03
  Those are, those all sound like positive things they do.
• 45:06
  I.
• 45:07
  So at Interesting.
• 45:08
  At its core, a hobby is about doing something just for you without the pressure, productivity goals.
• 45:13
  Yep.
• 45:13
  Or outcomes.
• 45:14
  I love that.
• 45:15
  No, this is a, it's a very good thing.
• 45:17
  It could be a very good thing for you.
• 45:18
  It could open up your world.
• 45:20
  It could make you feel fulfilled.
• 45:21
  It could be inspiring to your children and your family.
• 45:25
  It could help you meet new people.
• 45:27
  It's a very good thing, and I know it's hard.
• 45:30
  Is there anything that you have never tried that you're like, I wanna try this?
• 45:34
  Just because I have played tennis with you girls.
• 45:37
  When I do it, I do like it.
• 45:39
  I'm not, I do think it's a skill that you need to build upon.
• 45:42
  Yeah.
• 45:42
  You have to practice.
• 45:43
  You do.
• 45:43
  And it's technical and there's a lot to know and it, it's even just.
• 45:47
  To keep up with scoring and all that.
• 45:49
  It's a lot to learn, but I do enjoy it.
• 45:52
  I like it when I'm there.
• 45:53
  I like the I like being active.
• 45:55
  I do think that you get like a good sweat.
• 45:57
  I think it, it's great.
• 45:58
  I love being outside.
• 45:59
  I feel like I've liked that a lot and I like that I know a lot of other people who do it too.
• 46:04
  So that's probably something that I've never done.
• 46:06
  I never played that I wouldn't mind.
• 46:09
  And then my husband does want me to learn how to play golf so I could go with him.
• 46:13
  I really have never played golf, so that is gonna be something that we are gonna try to do together.
• 46:18
  And I love that because he loves playing golf and I think that's something that we could do for like day dates and just as a family too.
• 46:24
  That's something And forever.
• 46:25
  Forever.
• 46:26
  And so those are two things that I think I wanna eventually work in.
• 46:30
  But for, I am gonna focus on.
• 46:33
  Horseback riding for sure, because I think it's amazing.
• 46:35
  Just live in a perfect area for that.
• 46:38
  And I would love to go to an adult dance class of some sort.
• 46:42
  And then like you said, just working in seeing shows and have that be like more of like my culture again, like bringing that back so I can already see spiced up.
• 46:51
  Yeah.
• 46:52
  I wanna try to play Mahjong.
• 46:53
  Have you ever heard of mj?
• 46:54
  Yes.
• 46:54
  I've been hearing this and I would love to learn how to play that.
• 46:57
  'cause that sounds really fun too.
• 46:59
  I wanna learn how to play mj.
• 47:01
  And I've a friend of mine that I met at the hair salon.
• 47:03
  Mm-hmm.
• 47:04
  This woman, Karen, she's adorable.
• 47:05
  I think she's probably in her late eighties and she teaches Mahjong.
• 47:08
  There you go.
• 47:08
  And she plays at this like woman's club in Hartford.
• 47:10
  And I wanna go and learn how to play Mahjong.
• 47:13
  Get her on let's figure it out.
• 47:14
  Like these older women that have so much like life experience and they clearly have the time to play I that I don't, but I wanna learn.
• 47:21
  Yeah.
• 47:21
  That also seems like really fun.
• 47:23
  Yeah.
• 47:23
  Like I just feel like sitting around and like just playing something together.
• 47:26
  I feel like that's really cool.
• 47:27
  So I feel like it's like good for my brain.
• 47:29
  Yeah.
• 47:29
  Still like I move my body enough, I would love to learn Yes.
• 47:32
  How to play a new game and then eventually I'll teach the girls how to play.
• 47:35
  Yeah.
• 47:35
  I do think'cause that's like for your mind, which I think is also important.
• 47:38
  It's for your mind.
• 47:39
  Yep.
• 47:39
  I love that.
• 47:40
  So we're gonna close Yes.
• 47:42
  With our pink spotlight.
• 47:43
  You're wearing yours and you're wearing pink.
• 47:45
  I'm wearing mine today.
• 47:45
  So actually my girlfriend Steph, I saw her and her sister the other day at dance and her sister was wearing this outfit and I'm like, where is that from?
• 47:53
  You look so cute.
• 47:55
  And she was like, it's from the Gap.
• 47:56
  I love it.
• 47:57
  I'm like, the gap.
• 47:58
  So it's their their cash Soft.
• 48:01
  So it's like cashmere cash soft collection.
• 48:03
  Okay.
• 48:03
  So it's not actual cashmere, but it like, feels like, it feels like it's cashmere and it's not expensive.
• 48:09
  So it's, maybe that's why they're calling it cash.
• 48:12
  Cashmere Soft.
• 48:13
  Cash Soft.
• 48:13
  Yeah.
• 48:14
  Or cashmere.
• 48:14
  I don't know why they're calling it that, but I'm obsessed with it.
• 48:17
  I love it.
• 48:17
  And you can wash it'cause I, yes.
• 48:19
  The set I had on last week, it, the gray one is cashmere and you can't wash it.
• 48:23
  No.
• 48:23
  You have to send it for dry cleaning.
• 48:24
  No.
• 48:24
  And I sending, no, none of that lounge wear to dry cleaning, none of that.
• 48:28
  But it was, it's like a special warm.
• 48:31
  Yeah, I don't know if I necessarily need to be in a cashmere set'cause I'm always freaking sweating.
• 48:35
  But no, I need to be in a cashmere set because I'm always cold.
• 48:39
  But yeah.
• 48:39
  But this is from the Gap.
• 48:40
  I love it.
• 48:41
  It comes in 20 different colors.
• 48:42
  Yeah.
• 48:42
  She's wearing like a matching, anyone not watching us, but you're wearing a matching lounge set and a really pretty like burgundy color.
• 48:49
  Yeah.
• 48:49
  It's so pretty.
• 48:50
  And it's like a sweater, a sweater knit set.
• 48:51
  And the pants are almost like a flare yeah.
• 48:53
  Yeah, that's, I dunno, it's so nice.
• 48:54
  You look so nice and cozy.
• 48:56
  I love like sets like that for this time of year because it's just easy.
• 48:59
  And then you can also wear the sweater on its own.
• 49:01
  It's like such a great mix and match.
• 49:03
  This is like a nice looking outfit.
• 49:04
  It's so nice and it's so comfortable and you just look so put together.
• 49:08
  And I love the color.
• 49:09
  Yeah.
• 49:09
  Like a little mule on with it.
• 49:11
  Love it.
• 49:11
  Easy outfit.
• 49:12
  Easy outfit.
• 49:12
  So cute.
• 49:13
  So I think the, like the they the pieces'cause gap always.
• 49:16
  Oh, gap always has specials.
• 49:17
  Yes.
• 49:17
  Always.
• 49:18
  Yeah.
• 49:18
  Percent, 40% off.
• 49:18
  Sure.
• 49:18
  So I think depending on like where the sale will fall, yeah.
• 49:21
  Their pieces are probably like$50.
• 49:24
  Ish.
• 49:25
  Yeah, somewhere in that range.
• 49:26
  I love it.
• 49:27
  So it's gorgeous.
• 49:28
  I know.
• 49:29
  That's like a one you need in every color type of stuff.
• 49:31
  I know.
• 49:31
  Actually, my, when I took this, when I opened it the other day, Camilla saw it.
• 49:35
  She's oh my God, I need the same exact one in every color for me.
• 49:39
  I'm like, oh, you are so my daughter.
• 49:42
  So they make'em for kids too.
• 49:43
  I'm gonna get em for Camilla.
• 49:44
  I love it.
• 49:44
  All right.
• 49:45
  What's your spotlight this week?
• 49:46
  Okay, so mine is.
• 49:48
  That I got Botox.
• 49:54
  I didn't really get, I say that I get Botox, but really I haven't actually gotten Botox in a really long time.
• 49:59
  I feel like I dabble with the other ones, but I, it had been so long, I hadn't gotten anything done since January of last year, and I got it done.
• 50:09
  I think two or three weeks ago really.
• 50:11
  And this one was called Tibo, which is newer and it's supposed to kick in a lot faster.
• 50:17
  And it is less expensive than like a dispo, than a Botox.
• 50:21
  So you get a little bit more bang for your buck because it kicks in faster and it's supposed to last the same amount of time.
• 50:27
  And it's just overall less.
• 50:28
  It's just, I feel like as there's more options coming into the space, everything.
• 50:32
  The cost is coming down.
• 50:33
  So I tried this one out and I got it done with my friend Amanda, who I've been going to, we've to gone.
• 50:39
  She's really been the only person who has ever touched my face besides my brother-in-law who is a plastic surgeon and and he lives in Charleston.
• 50:46
  So he is not local enough to do it every time.
• 50:48
  But she had, she just.
• 50:51
  I feel like she just gets me and she always just does enough where I just feel refreshed.
• 50:57
  So where did you get it?
• 50:58
  So I got it in my forehead on my elevens.
• 51:01
  We do my crow's feet and then she does a little on the sides of my mouth for, to help lift the smile a little bit.
• 51:09
  So you look so I don't have my RBF that I am known for.
• 51:12
  And so it does really help.
• 51:14
  So when I have a resting face, I don't have resting bitch face, I just have resting face, so she is my girl and she did offer you guys a discount.
• 51:24
  So you can mention Christina and you can get a discount off of your services there.
• 51:30
  Alexa just sent an alarm to say, to go to Ulta.
• 51:33
  Beauty for Camilla.
• 51:34
  Who do you think set that?
• 51:39
  She has her Google going off right now and it's going, this is a reminder.
• 51:43
  Go to Ulta.
• 51:44
  Beauty for Camilla, is that for real?
• 51:47
  Camilla said that before she left for school today.
• 51:50
  Because she spilled her Soul de Janeiro spritz.
• 51:55
  She is six and she wants me to get a new one for her because she's all out.
• 52:00
  So she set a reminder.
• 52:02
  Oh my God.
• 52:04
  Camila, She probably said to me this morning, it just sounded was someone was in your house.
• 52:08
  I like had a recording and I was like, oh, probably afternoon.
• 52:11
  So she set the reminder for noon.
• 52:13
  Is it for noon?
• 52:13
  It's noon on the dot.
• 52:14
  I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you.
• 52:16
  Oh.
• 52:16
  But I just thought somebody was in the house.
• 52:17
  I just.
• 52:18
  Our faces just went white.
• 52:21
  Oh my god, thanks.
• 52:22
  Meals.
• 52:22
  Yeah, so I feel refreshed probably.
• 52:24
  That just probably took another year off of my life, so that probably just cut my Botox.
• 52:29
  Okay, so Botox.
• 52:30
  So you go wait, so by, by Lati.
• 52:31
  So where is she?
• 52:32
  She is in Farmington, so she is Magnolia Med Spa.
• 52:36
  It's Amanda the owner.
• 52:37
  You guys can go there and get a discount if you mention me and yeah, that is my pink spotlight of the week.
• 52:45
  I'm sure that just took a year off of my life though.
• 52:48
  Probably the Botox is gonna wear off faster because I think I just had a heart attack.
• 52:52
  Oh, I'm curious what the the price differences between, it ends up being a little bit like we had priced it out and it definitely depends on how much you put in your face obviously, but there could be at least a couple hundred difference, in and the way she does it is.
• 53:07
  Her pricing is a little bit different than other people's, and I don't wanna say it.
• 53:10
  Yeah.
• 53:10
  Because it really depends on what you need.
• 53:12
  But she will hook you up if you go there.
• 53:14
  Cool.
• 53:14
  And I love her so much.
• 53:15
  She just always gives me exactly what I'm looking for.
• 53:19
  And I don't ever feel like frozen.
• 53:21
  I just feel refreshed.
• 53:23
  I really do feel like I look way less tired than I normally do.
• 53:26
  And I look real tired a lot of the time, so it really does.
• 53:31
  It works.
• 53:32
  Oh man.
• 53:33
  Thank you, Amanda.
• 53:34
  I know.
• 53:34
  Thank you, Amanda.
• 53:36
  I love it to just give a shout out.
• 53:37
  Oh, all so I'll see you next week.
• 53:39
  Yes, you next week.
• 53:41
  Bye guys.
• 53:41
  Bye.