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Are You Being Gaslighted? Red Flags to Notice · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

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  SPEAKER_00: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
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  SPEAKER_00: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
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  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
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  SPEAKER_01: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
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  SPEAKER_01: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Hey everyone, and thanks for joining me for another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
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  SPEAKER_00: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, I just really want to say thank you, and I'm very appreciative that you've chosen to spend a few moments of your day with me.
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  SPEAKER_00: Today I wanted to talk about the different phrases of gaslighting that you may not have, that you may not notice or you may not recognize.
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  SPEAKER_00: So, just as a recap, on a previous episode, I've talked about gaslighting, but just sort of to gloss over it real quickly, what is gaslighting?
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  SPEAKER_00: Gaslighting actually comes from the movie Gaslight from 1944, in which a husband manipulates his wife, altering the aspects of their environment, uh, to the point where she begins to think that she's losing her mind.
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  SPEAKER_00: So essentially he's playing with the thermostat, but then denies her reality when she's when she brings it to his attention and says that that's not happening.
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  SPEAKER_00: And so gaslighting essentially boils down to exactly that, where you're convincing, where somebody's convincing you that uh what you are thinking and what your reality is is actually imagined.
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  SPEAKER_00: And so what happens is the person who is being gaslit starts to actually question their own sanity or question their own reality.
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  SPEAKER_00: And so oftentimes narcissists will will gaslight their victims.
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  SPEAKER_00: You know, they'll end up um doing everything to minimize the other person's feelings, to discredit that person, to uh essentially isolate them from other people in their world.
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  SPEAKER_00: So I just, you know, and it happens, I think, not just in narcissistic relationships.
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  SPEAKER_00: I think as a society, if we really pay attention, gaslighting happens more than we actually probably realize.
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  SPEAKER_00: And so I thought it might be helpful just to bring to the awareness uh some phrases of gaslighting that you may not necessarily recognize or realize.
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  SPEAKER_00: And again, not to create um negativity.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's just again, the more that we are aware of things, we can then make, we can, we can make aligned uh choices for aligned action of how we want to continue to move forward in order to live our best life.
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  SPEAKER_00: So, an example of a phrase of gaslighting would be something like, you're taking it too personally or you are too sensitive.
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  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's true.
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  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we do tend to overthink, sometimes we take things as offensive that weren't meant to offend us.
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  SPEAKER_00: But in a gaslighting situation, the gaslighter uses this phrase to discredit your feelings every time that they say something or do something that is actually hurtful.
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  SPEAKER_00: So they'll repeat the sentence almost as if it's innocent, but what they really are trying to do is get you in a position where you start to question, hey, am I actually too sensitive?
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  SPEAKER_00: Do I take things too personally all the time?
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  SPEAKER_00: Another common one is you're so dramatic.
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  SPEAKER_00: And in this particular instance, a gaslighter will try to make you feel as though you are consistently overreacting, stating that they hate drama, even though the way that they have approached and their ownership of the dynamic of the relationship is the one that's bringing up the drama, and they're actually creating the drama and the competition and the insecurity, they'll put it on the other person.
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  SPEAKER_00: They'll say, You are so dramatic.
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  SPEAKER_00: So that's just another phrase that sometimes gaslighters will use.
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  SPEAKER_00: A few more are you have issues.
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  SPEAKER_00: This is one of the favorite um, a narcissist's favorite phrase to make you second guess your own thoughts or memories or motives.
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  SPEAKER_00: So they're trying to continually force you to apologize or feel ashamed for the things that you may have done and wondering if everything's all right with you.
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  SPEAKER_00: So they'll try to put put that on you by saying, you have issues.
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  SPEAKER_00: Another very common one is it was just a joke.
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  SPEAKER_00: So oftentimes in gaslighting, what happens is gaslighters will use a phrase to minimize or deny that they're um they're bullying behavior.
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  SPEAKER_00: So they do this to avoid actually taking responsibility for their words or actions and make you question yourself instead.
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  SPEAKER_00: So statements such as, oh, calm down, I was just joking, or oh, you're just overreacting.
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  SPEAKER_00: Um, that was just a joke.
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  SPEAKER_00: Don't take it so seriously.
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  SPEAKER_00: That's just a way for it to um to minimize that they actually were bullying and they were gaslighting and to take that ownership or that onus off of them.
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  SPEAKER_00: Another one is you're just insecure.
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  SPEAKER_00: Again, this is a phrase that gaslighters will use to minimize your feelings and to actually um shake your own confidence.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's um one of those ways that they can just kind of whittle away your self-confidence and make you start feeling a little bit less secure about you know who you are, how you show up, how you make decisions, and what will end up happening when they keep when they say things like, oh, you're just insecure, eventually you'll start relying on the gaslighter to make decisions for you.
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  SPEAKER_00: And in those cases, that's how we can start seeing codependency start um um becoming an issue as well.
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  SPEAKER_00: So, how do you recognize if um you are a victim of being gaslit?
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  SPEAKER_00: Well, there's a couple, there's a few things that you can watch out for.
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  SPEAKER_00: Uh, some gaslighting signs, you know, you begin to doubt your feelings, you start to feel inadequate and flawed, you start to question your perceptions and judgment.
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  SPEAKER_00: You feel most insecure most of the time, or you feel insecure most of the time, and you start to second guess the decisions you're making or the choices you're making.
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  SPEAKER_00: Uh you might notice that you're starting to feel alone or isolated or believe that there's something essentially wrong with you.
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  SPEAKER_00: Uh, you might worry that you are too sensitive and you often think of yourself as stupid or you feel confused.
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  SPEAKER_00: Some people who have been gaslit over a period of time will start feeling disappointed in themselves, uh, feeling overly anxious, having a hard time making decisions and setting goals, feeling like they always need to apologize, um, believe that uh you're not the person you used to be.
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  SPEAKER_00: There starts to be a lack of confidence and self-esteem.
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  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and a lot of times um people who have been gaslit over a long period of time will start to lose just pleasure and things that they used to enjoy.
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  SPEAKER_00: And they'll and they'll find themselves making excuses for their gaslighters' behavior.
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  SPEAKER_00: So it's just really important in to and I'm again bringing this to the awareness because when we can start to recognize that that certain things like gaslighting is happening in a relationship, and I'm not just talking about romantic relationships.
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  SPEAKER_00: Again, gaslighting can happen anywhere.
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  SPEAKER_00: It happens often in our world as as we're going through it.
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  SPEAKER_00: You know, sometimes it happens in the workplace, sometimes it's social, friendship interactions, romantic relationships, parent-child relationships.
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  SPEAKER_00: These types of dynamics show up, the more we can become aware of it, we can then take ownership of how we show up in the dynamic and make choices for our aligned action to move forward and to live into the life that we want for ourselves.
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  SPEAKER_00: If you'd like to talk to me at any time about things like gaslighting or healing from such a situation, feel free to reach out to me at any time.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: And until next time, I'm Comedy Wood.
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  SPEAKER_00: Thanks again for joining me today.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
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  SPEAKER_01: For more information, book a chat with Comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com.
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  SPEAKER_01: Or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
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  SPEAKER_01: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
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  SPEAKER_01: Username it's authentic me.
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  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening.