Latest / Aging Parent TrapX / Different Senior Living Options
Transcript
- speaker-0: Having the conversations in advance is hard, seems hard, but it's a lot less hard than doing it standing in a hospital room. A lot of families are hitting a point where they are realizing that mom and dad are no longer safe living alone. What happens when this point in time comes? Where do mom and dad go? Who makes the decisions where they go? And what kind of paperwork do you need for this? That's what we're talking about today. Let's go. If you're a Gen Xer like I am, your conversations with your family and friends are probably starting to sound a lot different than you're used to. You're starting to talk about what is going on with my mom and dad. You've realized that they're not safe living where they're living anymore. You're very concerned and you know that steps need to be taken, but you're not sure exactly where to start. So you are in the right place if you have stumbled upon this channel, because I am here today. with my friends in college, Julie Cook with generational transitions and Nikki Flynn with elite preparation services. And I'm a real estate broker in the greater Tampa area and a Gen Xer who is going through this exact problem with my mother. Julie, why don't you talk about some of the housing options? And actually even before that, how do we get to that point where we realize this? speaker-1: I think that's a great place to start is what do we realize? What are we looking for? So there's a lot of different things that you can tell. We talked in our first podcast about the fall that changes everything. And that's true. Oftentimes, once we get to a fall or we get to a major event, adult children can look back and say, you know, now that I'm thinking about it, there was this incident where mom was baking and she left the oven on. We found out it was left on all night because she forgot. or dad was heading to an appointment and got turned around and wasn't sure how to get home, or they forget a day's appointments, just different things like that. The other thing that I think people don't watch for so much is the isolation. You may not notice that there's something physically wrong, but emotionally and mentally, they start to withdraw. They start to kind of shut down because they've lost a sense of community, probably. they've lost friends and family members have passed on and so their circle is getting much smaller. And so that isolation becomes a very real thing. So those are some things to watch for. The other thing is upkeep of the home. What if mom was an immaculate housekeeper and now all of a sudden there's trash on the floor because she's not able to bend over and pick it up. She's concerned she's going to fall if she does. She can't carry the laundry anymore. It's too heavy for her. These are things to watch for. And if you're out of state, maybe you only talk to your parents on the phone. These are things you may not notice until you're there in person because they're very easy to mask. And depending on mom and dad's personality, they may be upfront and say, have some concerns. These things are becoming difficult or they may try and mask those things from you. speaker-0: It's hard to have the conversations about those things because sometimes the parent is ashamed of what is going on. They realize it and they're ashamed of, you know, what's going on or they're scared. They're scared like what's going to happen. Maybe, and Nikki can talk to this, but maybe they're not prepared with having documents and things like that lined up in advance. Like they're scared, what's going to happen to my house? what's gonna happen to whatever. mean, people don't usually just already plan for this. This is why we're talking about it. speaker-2: Yeah, that's a true situation. Unfortunately, sometimes it waits until the last minute and that's never a good thing. If we can be proactive and sit down with our family and come from a caring, compassionate side where we're just trying to let them know, we want to honor your wishes. We want to make sure that we are doing right by you. You raised us. You've given us life. You've been there for us. We want to make sure that we're there for you. And we want to have documents in place in the event that something does happen before it gets to that situation. Making sure that we can let them know, like, we want to make sure that we're on the same page with what your choices are. Do you want to stay at home? Do you want to make sure that we have money set aside for a caretaker? Like, we need to sit down and look at what those options might be. You might not know what type of insurance plans they have. They might have a long-term care policy that you know nothing about. Being able to say, happens if you can't communicate? What kind of medical decisions do you want? For us to be able to have those conversations with the parents while they're still coherent and healthy and capable of having those conversations makes things a lot easier when that transition does start to happen later on. when we start to notice those things happening and the slow deterioration or God forbid if something were to happen to one of them and there's only one parent left. Now it's like, oh my goodness, now we're in panic mode. We need to make sure that the surviving parent has everything in order and we're not really giving them a chance to understand what life is really going to be like without their significant other with them anymore. Some are so dependent on that significant other that they kind of lose hope and they lose the will to live. Dying of a broken heart is a real thing. And that's why we need to make sure that we're trying to have these conversations before things start to get too bad, because we want to make sure that we're giving them not only the longest, healthiest life possible, but we want quality of life as well. speaker-0: It would be nice if everybody could just live in their home that they've lived in for the last 40 years, or maybe they moved and downsized and are living in a cute little condo somewhere. But physically, you know, there comes a time where somebody cannot take care of themselves. So today we're not really talking about home health care or aging in place really. We're talking if it's come to a point where they need to probably move out of that home. What are the options that they have, Julie? speaker-1: break those down into four different options. And I think that's important for people to know because oftentimes when you talk about we have to leave the family home, folks might automatically go to nursing home, which is one of those categories. With independent living, this is going to be very similar to say a 55 plus community, which is very popular here in Florida. You're going to have your full independence. If you're able to still drive, fantastic. Keep your car, come and go as you want. The nice thing about this is it provides the community. that is so important. Also, oftentimes meals are included, whether Nikki mentioned if one spouse loses, I've seen widowers in particular who they lose their wife and they don't know how to cook and how am going to maintain bills and all of these things. So that's a very viable option. No maintenance situations, completely independent living. Next would be assisted living. The best way to describe that is independence with help when you need it. So you're still able to come and go as you want. You are asked to sign in and out so that they know that you're safe. And then should you need assistance with maybe what we would call ADLs or activities for daily living. So these are things you do every day. Maybe you need assistance in the shower, perhaps in the actual act of bathing, or maybe it's you're concerned about balance. Those are things that you can be helped with. Lots of different things can fall under that. Managing medication to make sure you take the right amount at the right time. That's assisted living. Third category, I would say, is memory care. And these are for folks with a dementia or Alzheimer's diagnosis. Oftentimes, these areas are secure because you have folks who are exit seeking and they're in danger of hurting themselves if they get out because they wander and they just get lost. So a very structured environment because they do well in that. And then the fourth option would be nursing home for someone who needs skilled care 24-7. So four different categories. It's important to know that so if you notice some different things happening with mom and dad, it doesn't mean nursing home right away. There's a lot of options and a lot of communities that offer all of these options on the same campus. So mom and dad can move into a senior living community and not necessarily have to relocate as they need more care. speaker-0: Well, so that's kind of what happened with my in-laws. And I talk a lot in other videos on this channel about my own experience with my mom, but my in-laws, ⁓ you know, they went from a home literally that they lived in for, gosh, I want to say that was 35 years, I'm pretty sure. And it had some stairs in it and my mother-in-law was having trouble. She would fall once in a while. They very quickly decided within about four weeks time. We're going to leave and we're going to go and live in this independent living facility that also has assistant living because it was like moving into a condo for them. They, you know, he was still driving and, uh, so they could bring the car. You know, there was a kitchen there and so she could still cook. And if she fell, they still had to call 911. Nobody would come from the facility to do anything, but. There was help with cleaning. Somebody would come in to clean and that kind of thing. So it was condo living and they weren't isolated because they were just living on a couple of acres in a house. They didn't need to do that anymore. But independent living was good. And then they did transition into assisted living not too long after. But people should know that they started, once they got used to it, they enjoyed it very much. speaker-1: And one thing to consider with that too, because you're talking about your in-laws is that they don't have to be on the same level of care. So say mom is still independent, but dad has some things he needs assistance with. That's no problem. Many communities, I would say most communities can work inside of that where mom and dad can stay together and they just recognize who needs the care needs. That's why it's important when someone moves into a senior living community, they offer a free assessment to make sure that they can help with your care needs. And then that way they know the individual is getting the personal care needs that they need, what's appropriate for them. speaker-0: ⁓ These things happen really quickly where there is a fall and someone goes to the hospital and then the adult children, the Gen Xers like myself, are forced to make decisions really quickly. And there's been no real conversation. Maybe there's been some conversation, but nothing's been put into writing. And everybody is in a mad scramble to get some paperwork in order so that the adult child can actually help make some decisions. That's what had to happen in my case when my mom fell or didn't really fall, but she couldn't get back up and she ended up going to the hospital and never ever went back home. That's so scary. I can't even imagine that happening to me, but it happened to her. And then I had to real quick, get, you know, somebody to draw up documents and get a notary come to where we were in the hospital so that I could, God forbid, make decisions for the house and for all of her banking and all of that. I had to get all that legal in writing. that's, mean, I always, I say things like, nobody comes prepared with a notebook telling you how to do this. But actually, Nikki, you do, you help people with that. speaker-2: Yes. So, you know, that's the scary part. And a lot of times people don't understand because they're in that panic mode. They just want to do things and they think, ⁓ I can go to the bank. I'm on the account as a beneficiary. Well, that doesn't mean anything. This is where there's a confusion along with like an aggravation with people because they don't understand that they're not only protecting themselves against the liability, they're protecting the client. So they don't know if this person is actually allowed into their accounts and actually allowed to make decisions for them. So having the proper documentation is what allows your named agents, if you're choosing your children, maybe you choose one of the children because they're the ones that are more. respectable, more responsible financially, they can handle things for you. If you choose that specific child over another one, then you want to make sure that the documents are going to reflect that because we want to make sure that in the long run, your wishes are being honored. But having a proper estate plan is like having a life playbook. It's going to go through play by play exactly what your wishes are in the event that a certain circumstance comes up. and allows them the ability to have all the proper legal documents in place. So there's never going to be a pause to have to get somebody to come in. Or God forbid, if they have to go through a guardianship program with the courts, they're looking at a six to nine month process, which means they get awarded to the state in the meantime, because the children cannot make a decision or they can't agree on a decision. And that's also what causes problems and conflict. So just to eliminate all of that altogether, to make sure your wishes are honored, that children are not fighting, and they can act on your behalf, it's proactive to have these documents in place ahead of time. So when that time comes, you can arrange their care. You can arrange the facilities that Julie is talking about. You can go to the bank and make payments for them on their behalf. You can pay their bills. You can call Social Security and file for disability if you need to. But that power of attorney is a very powerful document that has to state those provisions. Otherwise, the institutions are like, I'm sorry, I can't help you. You don't have the authority. speaker-0: Right. Like with, with in my mom's case, and you know, she's in a hospital, I know that then she's going to skill nursing care. And then I was like, well, she's not going to be able to go back home now. We have to find a place for her. And I did speak to a concierge. I can't say that word. Goodness. Conchi. A community, senior community advisor. Let's say it that way. And I'm not going to edit that out by the way, anybody. Sometimes I stumble over my words for sure. But I did speak to someone that was trying to help. place, you know, find places to for my mom to go. But luckily my mom ended up going where my in-laws were. But I had to sign the lease on her behalf, you know, for her new place. And if I didn't get those documents in order, I wouldn't have been able to do that. speaker-2: So that's how they're extremely helpful and powerful. allow when that time comes, they allow your agents to basically make all decisions for you and carry out your wishes of what you are wanting. So that way we're not letting other outside sources or third party people like the government or the hospitals to be making decisions for you. speaker-0: I can't imagine. speaker-1: To tag on to what Nikki's saying, I think it's valuable too. We've talked about having this conversation and how it can be uncomfortable. But if we take it from the perspective of, don't want anybody else to step in and make these decisions for you. So I want to be very clear what your wishes are. That's empowering to our parents to be able to say, you know what, you're right. I hope we never have to go this route, but if we do, this is what I done. So it's relief for the child to know I'm doing the right thing for them. And it's empowering for the parent to be able to say, I'm making the decisions for myself. No one's going to make this for me. speaker-0: You don't want to find out the hard way, right? You want to find out the easy way. So it seems hard to have these conversations. And it might not just seem, it might be hard. It's not just seem hard. is hard. Not everybody has the same relationship with their mom and dad. Maybe you have a great one, Julie. Maybe you have a great one, Nikki. My relationship with my mom is just, you know, it's just us two. I don't have any siblings. There's no buffer. It's just us. All the conversations my entire life have been very complicated. so nothing is easy, right? But I'm the only one, you know, that has, I have all the responsibility on my shoulders dealing with my mom. Maybe I feel like people who have siblings would be very lucky, but not all people who have siblings feel that they're lucky because, you know, if there's five siblings, there's, you know, there's always, always, what do you call it? speaker-2: There's one outsider. ⁓ speaker-0: The outsider or the black sheep of the family, right? There's always a black sheep or someone says, ⁓ I know she's a responsible one. She'll take care of it. And they're over here. Maybe they're even close by and they're not even helping. Having the conversations in advance is hard, seems hard, but it's a lot less hard than doing it standing in a hospital room going, what are we going to do next? But all right. So listen, when somebody leaves their house though, Maybe the house was already paid for. Everything was great. You know, they're just paying homeowners insurance and property taxes and, you know, they have their social security income or maybe a little retirement plan. But ⁓ my gosh, these places that you mentioned, Julie, they are not free. And they're not. speaker-1: They're not. No. Correct. There you go. And that's important to know. Now there are, I'm going to give you again really quick. speaker-2: they're not covered by insurance. speaker-0: range options. mean, yeah, tell me what you want to say, but I think people should know like something and not to scare you but and options. Yes. speaker-1: So options, the top end of the options, as you can imagine, is the moon. I would say in this area, and it varies if you're watching this outside of the greater Tampa area, know this varies a lot. Starting, shared room, I would plan on at least $3,000 a month. That's for a small shared studio with a roommate, bottom basement pricing. And that's very hard to find. But just to give a range, and then it goes up from there. On average, I would say five to 7,000 is more normal. And then still we have, I've had folks who've told me, I want a cruise ship on land and we can find that and it's going to be more expensive, but it's available. Now, with that being said, there are ways to pay for this. So we mentioned at the low end is private versus shared. So I know a lot of people value their privacy understandably so, but when you're looking at saving money, there is the option of whether you have a private bedroom, with maybe a shared bath and kitchenette, or you may be in like a studio apartment where it's really, just, you have a roommate. But oftentimes it cuts the price in half as opposed to having your own private space. The other thing that we talked about is long-term care insurance. There's also in the state of Florida, long-term care Medicaid, which will pay for a portion of those assisted living expenses, a portion of the care. So based on if your community is levels of care or all-inclusive, that will vary depending on how you can get your maximum benefit from that. The other thing is if you're a veteran and you serve during wartime, the VA offers aid and attendance benefits, which help cover assisted living expenses. So that's another option. So there are different things to consider. And I have a lot of folks who are on, say, Social Security and their family, especially if they're siblings, will just chip in and say, you know what, we want our loved one at this community. We know that budget-wise, it's going to be a stretch. but we're gonna chip in because we feel like this is important. And so we see that happen all the time, which is a beautiful thing so that your loved one can get into where they want to be inside a budget. ⁓ speaker-0: Yeah. You know, the long-term care policy, I'm thankful that my mom had that in place, but it doesn't cover the one that she has. It doesn't cover her care now. And so we will be talking about ways to offset that, which is kind of, you know, I help people decide what to do with the family home if there is one and how they can use that to help pay for the living expenses. But that long-term care policy offsets my mom's expenses right now, which is great. And we do rent out the home that she lived in, which is not ideal, but for me, it made the most sense to have to not tap into her very limited save for as long as we can, because I cannot care for her personally. And a lot of people take that role on and they feel guilty if they cannot do it because mom and dad, you know, gave them life and Now they're like, okay, now go over here because I can't take care of you or come live with me because you raised me. Give some serious thought to that because that can be very, it's stressful no matter what, but it, it's a lot more than you think. I, that people can take on because you have your own life to live and your own household to manage. Maybe you still have kids that you're raising. I think, I think it's called like the sandwich. The sandwich generation, that's also the Gen Xers in many cases. It doesn't have to be a Gen Xer where they're taking care of their senior parents and they're raising a family and they're right in the middle. It's crazy. speaker-2: It's okay. I decided to not only take on one, but two. So I took on my stepdad and my stepmom. And so they are currently living under the same roof as my husband and I. So it's taxing, it's overwhelming, it's stressful. my husband and I have had the conversations of we did not know it was going to be to this extent. It's just, you really have to understand that it's no longer you anymore. It's just like taking on more children in a household. You don't have your privacy anymore. You constantly feel like you have to explain yourself, where you're going, what you're doing. It's a lot. You don't want to have friends over because it's kind of weird and your parents want to know who they are and what's going on. And it's almost as if you're like reverting back to being a teenager. speaker-1: That's a good analogy. speaker-0: Yet you're a parent. You're a caretaker parent. like you're being their parent kind of because you're taking care of them. But yet you still you revert back to that because of a respect thing where... speaker-2: You're right. Yeah, and you know, I tried to have a conversation of like being in a senior community, how like being around people who are your age, like that would be a good thing. you know, my mom is kind of like, yes, I know you need your own privacy. But you know, she's a whole different situation because of her treatments that she's going through right now. But my dad is like, no, I don't want to. I'm just going to live here with you. It's like, no, sorry. You need to understand like, there's that suffocating feeling. of having like, when we were younger, we all dated that boyfriend that just would not leave us alone. And I was like, okay, I'm changing my phone number, like I'm blocking. That's kind of how I feel sometimes with taking care of them. It's a lot. It's very draining and exhausting. And sometimes I just wish that I could take a really long vacation and turn my phone off. But I can't. speaker-0: What people need to know is that we are here, we have lived real experiences, which is, I mean, we're sharing some of the stuff that we are actually going through, I have and Nikki is, and we're like professionals within our own little worlds. You're a professional in what you do and yet you've got people living in your house right now and you're like, boy, I'd like it to be different. And maybe you had those conversations in advance, maybe you didn't, maybe it all kind of, maybe it kind of sometimes... It's something that starts off small and then gets into a big thing that we didn't realize was going to become a big thing. think sometimes that happens. ⁓ know, it's here and now you got to deal with it, you know. speaker-2: We think it's short term. Yeah. And, you know, sometimes we just, we kind of try to just go through the situation and try to plan and roll through it as much as we can. But there are things that are sometimes out of our control and, you know, we're trying to do right. We're trying to, you know, make the right decisions. And yes, it is hard, but we come from a place in our heart where we want to do right by them because they've taken care of us. But we also need to understand that at what cost. can't let our Our own things suffer on the side, our own well-being, our own physical health, because we're so busy taking care of everybody else. speaker-0: point of making these videos is that the Gen Xers, the adult children are dealing with this stuff and we're kind of, you know, all starting to deal with it at the same time. And that's why our conversations are changing. But for a while you're just doing it privately because maybe you're the kind of family that is what you're not talking, you know, about this stuff. It's private. Sometimes, you know, medical issues with your family. didn't want everybody to know, you know, I didn't know who to tell, first of all, but I didn't want to be out there talking about, my gosh, you know, my mom, blah, blah, blah, she's in the hospital. I don't know. Just didn't want to talk about that. That's her private business, but we're all kind of going through it and we don't know that each other are going through it. And so we're not sharing the best practices or things that we're learning in our own experiences, but that's what we're doing here. We're saying we've had these experiences and we're trying... And it's also part of what we do for a living. And so now we're sharing it to be helpful to people that are also going through this. And you just never know when it's going to happen. So it's better to have these conversations in advance. Not everybody can do that. And we feel guilty, you know, for not being able to either have someone come live with us. which it's okay, you can feel guilty, but still say no, you know, like it's okay. Or maybe you just don't have the financial means to pay for mom and dad's stuff. That's okay too, but there are ways, you know. speaker-1: I think these conversations are so good. The actual reality of what you and Nikki have gone through with your parents. To me, that is very relatable to a Gen Xer. The guilt of, probably should bring my parents to live with me, but I really don't want to. The panic of, what do I do? The shame on the parent side. So I think, Allison, what you're saying is very true, that this is kind of the reality, even if you're not comfortable with sharing. what your family is going through, just to pull up a video and be like, I'm normal. Like people have this and have all these emotions. just the reassurance that I'm normal and not the only one in this situation is empowering and helpful, think. speaker-0: It's so true. that's why I started this channel. I had a couple of ⁓ surprise conversations with people that I've known for 30 years. We don't talk every day, but we were at ⁓ an event, a college reunion. As a matter of fact, you know, I said something like, ⁓ you know, I've just been dealing with a lot and going back and forth. I just have, I had to do a lot of stuff for my mom recently and she said, ⁓ my gosh, so have I. And it was like, that's when it hit me like, wow, this is people really, it's not just me going through it. Obviously like that's silly. That's kind of dumb for me to say, but you don't really think about that. You know, you just, in this day and age, you just see all the happy stuff that people post on social media. I'm happy. I'm having fun. I'm on a cruise, you know, congratulations celebrations. When in reality we're like a duck and our feet are going like this underwater trying to keep. afloat with all the stuff that is now hitting us. And you know, we're in charge of having to take care of, cause for some reason our parents think that we're safe or smart and can figure this out. whether they've done planning or not done planning, but they're like, Oh, yeah, I raised a smart kid. They'll take care of this. someone else is you and you're the caretaker, be prepared for that. Then get, you know, I don't know. I don't even know why I went off on that tangent, but those are things that I am experiencing and I am sure that other people are. And that was the whole reason I kind of just created this channel was to not to vent, but to share how I was handling, you know, cleaning out the house, you know, having to pick, find a place for her, how we're going to pay for it, those kinds of things. They're important. And it can all start with like that video we did initially the fall, which I will, I'll make sure that it's linked at the top so that you guys can easily find it. speaker-1: said it multiple times, but that decision ahead of time is so important from my perspective because I help people find communities. I think working with a professional is a huge advantage because you're going to work with somebody who is independent. I work with communities all throughout the Tampa area. I'm a neutral party, so I can go with you on tours and say, okay, based on what we've discussed, here are pros and cons to consider, which I think is really helpful when you're trying to walk a loved one through a situation that you're probably outside of Nikki's playbook, you're not prepared for this. You don't have anything ahead of time to let you know. So I think working with a professional is incredibly valuable. The other thing is that we talked about earlier, empowering your loved one, let them be in on the decision. If you decide a senior living community is the best option for you, let them come along on the tour if they're physically able. Let them talk to, even if your parents say something that makes you cringe, that's okay. They work with seniors every day. It's no problem. Let them feel empowered to be a part of that decision. And then you're just there to guide them along. It takes the stress off of you and it gives them the power to say what they say and do what they want to do. speaker-0: I think that's really important because my mom didn't have the luxury of doing that. I made the decision for her and you know, it was at the same community that my in-laws are in. So I knew what kind of care and level, you know, cleanliness and whatever to expect there. So it was nice. I thought it was nice, but guess who didn't think it was so great? My mom. I dealt with a year of complaints and now like the second year it's, you know, well, my laundry wasn't done on a Saturday, but like. These are real things that are happening. It would have been great for her to come, but she didn't. And even though I did try to have conversations with her in advance, she, you know, and like, look for places, let's look online. wouldn't do it. So that will happen to people. But Julie, do people write you a check in advance when you're going to go with them to the senior community or how is that? speaker-1: So here's the great thing for the services that I offer, there's no charge. So I like to tell people that upfront and I tell them how I get paid because that seems very sketchy. I get paid good. speaker-0: Because you don't work for free. It's just that they don't pay. speaker-1: Exactly. perhaps similar to what you do, Allison, I get paid by the community after someone moves. So the great thing about that is I can walk you through the process. You don't have to worry about when you call or text me, is there going to be an hourly charge? There's not. This is a service that we offer. I get paid later. Now, with that being said, for me to be able to get paid because I do have to pay bills, I need to be the initial contact at the community. That's also to your advantage because if you start reaching out to communities independently, you're going to get a lot of marketing material. You're going to get phone calls, emails, things in the mail. If I kind of come in between and kind of help navigate that, you can have access to whatever you want, but I can also help block the things that you don't. speaker-0: That is good. That is helpful. That is so helpful because yeah, once they get wind of it, you're never going to not hear from them again. But no, that's extremely helpful because just looking online, it gives you an idea, but you have insight into the communities and that's so valuable. So valuable. It really is. And I wish I would have known you at the time that I was going through this a couple of years ago. And Nikki, Nikki... What she does is, does cost money, at a fraction of the cost of it would, you just go ahead and explain it. speaker-2: Yeah. So instead of having to go to a really pricey lawyer, a lot of times people don't feel comfortable going to lawyers, especially because they know that they're essentially just sitting down with them for the interim part. And then everything else is done with the staff in the office, which is where I come in. That's how things were at my firm. And they basically sat down with a lawyer for the first visit and everything else was me. So I branched out and started my own business and I am licensed. as not only a paralegal, also as a document preparer. So I can offer the same quality of documents that you would get at the law firm at a fraction of the price because you did with me solely, only me, and I can meet you where you are. So when you call me, you're not getting the run around, you're not getting the, I can't talk to this person. It's the same consistency the whole way through. And I'm there usually to help guide the family through all of the processes. So it's not just while they're alive. there are things that need to be done upon a passing as well. And I help guide the families through that also because that's a very heavy part to deal with. And a lot of times they don't understand. And I've got stuff to talk about on that too. And we'll save that for another day and another talk. speaker-0: for another day, but she can put together. You can do things, I bet you can do certain documents or you can do like the whole notebook with all the physician information, the medicine information, the power of. speaker-2: So that's a lot of times people look at the thoroughness of my estate plans and they're like, ⁓ my goodness, like it's kind of daunting in the beginning because I'm asking them so many questions and it's because we have to get this right. Because if there's an emergency, your kids don't know exactly what prescriptions you take or what doctors you see and for what. So we detail all of that information. We write down your prescriptions that you take. We write down your doctors that you see. We write down your medical decisions. If you pay bills online, if they come all automatically, there are things that need to be written down so that way in that split second, like if everybody were to pause right now and say, what if in 30 minutes from now I were to have a massive heart attack and I could no longer communicate? ⁓ Does my family know what to do? Are things in order? Do they know that bills need to be paid? Do they know that I have this? long-term care policy that can pay for these things. Do they know that my mortgage, I write a check because I don't like electronic withdrawal from my account. They don't know these things. So to have a plan where it lists out everything so there is no chance that there can ever be anything that is missed is extremely helpful for the family. Because now instead of them going, okay, I know there's a bunch of documents. I don't know where they are. I don't know what they do. I've never seen them before. Now we sit down with the family and we say, Here's our binder. This is where everything is. And I can't tell you how many times I get calls from family members like, ⁓ my goodness, thank you so much. Because if it wasn't for you being so thorough, I would never have known that these accounts existed. Or I would have never have known that this is what my mom has going on or anything like that. Or they get the phone calls from the hospital saying, I need this form. And they're like, I don't know what to do. They call me, okay, this is the document they're looking for. Go ahead and email that over to them. You'll be able to do everything that you need to do. So it's just helpful to have that person that's in your corner to be able to help guide you through all of that, because it can be daunting and overwhelming. speaker-0: It will be daunting and overwhelming no matter what. And then having this stuff in place is better than rushing around trying to do it. For sure. I can speak to that from experience. You will not be able to talk to anybody, make any decisions for anybody called the bank, call the long-term care policy people. You won't be able to do anything without the proper documentation in place. I know that personally firsthand, doesn't matter how nice or sweet you are or how long. You know, your mom has been with a particular insurance agency. does not matter. And also, I mean, that's what their generation kind of thinks. I've done business with Don Robinson for 40 years. I'll help, you know. No, they can't legally. They cannot do it. So, okay. So we could talk about this forever and ever, and we'll probably touch on it again. Next time. I think what we're going to talk about is we're going to go into what do we do with the family home and the belongings and the things. around that ⁓ realm because now we know mom and dad are no longer safe at home anymore. We're deciding where they're going to go. We've got to decide how to pay for things. And now we've got this home that needs to be dealt with and how we're going to do that. So that'll be the next thing that we'll talk about when we come back next time. And remember to look in the description below for our contact information. Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss any of our videos.