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Why Numbing Your Pain Is Costing You · Harder Than Life

• 0:00
  Why do we get on life's hamster wheel and just keep going round and round and round until we end up puking? What's stopping you? Is it fear? Is it comfort? Is it distraction? But here's the truth. Change is hard.
• 0:18
  Fear whispers, what if I fail? Faith says, even if I fail, I'm going to continue. Comfort whispers, it's fine the way it is. Distraction shouts, scroll this, watch that, drink this. All of that noise drowns out the voice inside you saying, you were meant for more. Change is hard, but so is staying the same. You get to choose your heart. Choose wisely.
• 0:45
  So if you're burned out, you're numbing, you're hiding, here's the reset part. Take the 90 days off of alcohol, drugs, even the prescription meds, if you can do it without medical approval. This reset is about discipline. Love yourself like your life depends on it because it does. Self-care is not selfish. You are here on this earth and alive for a reason.
• 1:11
  You matter. You're worth it. The only thing left is to show yourself that truth. I'm Kelly Siegel, and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business, and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living. What's up, HTL Nation? Kelly Siegel here with another solo episode of Harder Than Life.
• 1:37
  Today's show is special because the topic came straight from you. One of our loyal listeners hit me up on Instagram and asked, Kelly, can you do a show on what's stopping people from being harder than life? And let me tell you, this episode is going to hit home because the truth, I've been stopped before.
• 1:57
  I've been stuck. Currently right now I'm stuck. If you're honest, you have been too and may very well be stuck like I am right now. So today we're breaking it down. What stops us? How to break free? How to crush it? And the exact steps you can take starting right now. So...
• 2:19
  The next several episodes, by the way, we will be doing, we will take listener suggestions and turn them into podcasts to give right back directly to you because I wanna feel relevant, I wanna feel important, and I wanna feel like I'm making a difference, which all of the above happen when I run into people and they say, hey, you helped me break through to my next level, you helped me quit drinking, you inspired me to work out more. Those are all things that,
• 2:47
  I've heard when I run into you guys while I'm out and about. So thank you. Always, if you see me, come up and say hi, take a picture, and let's go. So.
• 3:00
  I will remind you, this particular episode is in both of my books, Happier Than Life, which is released now and on audio, both available on Amazon, as well as Harder Than Life. But these, I take and I deep dive and I make them a little more personal and I make them how I feel right.
• 3:21
  So let's start off at the beginning, why we stay stuck. Why do we get on life's hamster wheel and just keep going round and round and round until we end up puking? What's stopping you? Is it fear? Is it comfort? Is it distraction? Perhaps it's excuses. But here's the truth, everybody. Change is hard.
• 3:49
  That's why I named it Harder Than Life. I knew what I needed to do, but kept lying to myself. I was seeking comfort. I don't believe I was afraid, but the distraction was a part of it, and I made a ton of excuses. So, James Clear said in his book, Atomic Habits, we don't rise to the level of our goals, we fall to the level of our systems.
• 4:12
  Most people don't have systems. They just have wishes. That's why they say stuck. I read an interesting article in a book or interesting quote in a book recently. It said standards without consequences are mere suggestions. So a lot like what James Clear just said. But what it specifically means is if you set things out and you don't enact them, you're
• 4:36
  They're mere suggestions. So it's nothing changes. It really is. Nothing changes. Nothing changes. So here's the truth. Fear whispers. What if I fail? Faith says, even if I fail, I'm going to continue. Comfort whispers. Yeah.
• 4:53
  It's fine the way it is. Someone who wants to be uncomfortable is just like, I want everything to be better. Distraction shouts, scroll this, watch that, drink this. All of that noise drowns out the voice inside you saying,
• 5:10
  You were meant for more. This is where you've been hearing a lot of people talk about signal versus noise. Literally, I walk around, my girlfriend is sick and tired of me saying, that's noise, I don't care. That's noise, I don't care. And literally, that's how I keep myself clear of noise and I focus on the signal, which is growing the Heart of the Life podcast.
• 5:34
  making myself madder enough to make you guys all want to tune in every single episode focus on your signal drown out the noise the major action step that i want you to take away is and write down right now what is holding you back be brutally honest don't sugarcoat it call yourself out and ask yourself
• 6:00
  Am I willing to keep paying the price for staying the same? Literally for years, I knew alcohol and partying and women were holding me back. I just didn't know why. So here's the deal, people. Change is hard.
• 6:20
  but so is staying the same. You get to choose your heart. Choose wisely. My hardest battle I just alluded to a little bit. The hardest thing I'd overcome wasn't growing up in South Warren. It wasn't building NTM from scratch.
• 6:35
  wasn't even all the beatings or the limiting beliefs that my parents had instilled in me. It was masking my emotions with alcohol and women, which was also passed down to me from my stepfather, from my father, from my mother, from my grandfather. It just was a generational curse until it met me. I thought numbing would save me. But as Tony Robbins says,
• 7:03
  The quality of your life is the quality of your emotions. And I was numbing mine. I was looking everywhere external when the answers were inside my heart. As a matter of fact, cheat code, if you see me ever walking around and I'm patting my heart, that's because I feel a little bit out of alignment. And I'm trying to figure out.
• 7:25
  I breathe through and I'm trying to feel a feeling. Feeling is healing, my friends. And believe me, every advice I give you ever, I have used myself to get through something or other. The turning point for me was when I stood in front of a mirror and I realized I don't even know who I am without all this noise, noise, AKA booze. That was the scariest moment of my life, but it was also the start of freedom. If you're numbing,
• 7:55
  Write down your go-to escape. Is it alcohol? Is it food? Is it Netflix? Is it scrolling? Admit it. And awareness is the first punch you throw at the problem.
• 8:10
  Then you can start digging into that. I thought alcohol and women would fix me, but it turns out the answers were already inside. I spoke about this in the Heart of Life book, the 90-day reset, the 90 days of truth. Anytime anybody comes to me and says, I need to reset myself, I'm out of control. What's the first thing I do? I take 90 days off of numbing yourself, off of the drinking.
• 8:36
  off of the cannabis, off of the pills, off of whatever you're using to get by. So if you're burned out, you're numbing, you're hiding, here's the reset button.
• 8:45
  Take the 90 days off of alcohol drugs, even the prescription meds, if you can do it without medical approval, of course. Step one is that. Get clean and sober and clear-headed. Step two, work out five to six days a week. I worked out seven days, but I'm me and I'm a little crazy. So I'm going to say to you guys, five to six times a week and...
• 9:08
  Do whatever you can do to get a sweat, whether it be a brisk walk, a light jog, push-ups, sit-ups, go into the gym. I don't care what it is, but break a sweat five to six times a week. You will feel better for it, believe me. You don't have to be as crazy and intense as I am and work out twice a day and aim for the six-pack. Remember, if you've listened to any of my shows or read any of the books,
• 9:33
  My body is my protector. You know, I got big so my stepfather and my mother wouldn't beat on me. Nobody's going to hurt me ever again. Just me. So I just continue to hurt myself. Step three in the 90-day reset is to meditate for 10 minutes daily.
• 9:53
  I don't know how to meditate, Kelly. Guys, download the Daily Calm. If you message me on Instagram or just email me, kelly at harder than life dot com, I will send you a free 30-day calm trial. And tell me if you like it. I do it every day. I've meditated every single day this year.
• 10:16
  I don't know what it is, guys, but if I don't work out, I don't meditate, I feel off. I don't know what it does for me, but I just feel off if I don't do it. I feel better in the days that I do. So meditate for 10 minutes per day. I do it usually first thing in the morning. Here's another pro tip. You don't want to do the daily calm. You can go on YouTube and ask for any 10-minute meditation. Everybody's got them. Okay.
• 10:42
  But all you do is focus on your breath, guys. And when a thought comes in, just say, oh, there you are, and release it. Number three thing I recommend in a 90-day reset.
• 10:52
  Journal one page once a day, whether it be in the morning or night, doesn't matter. Get that stinking thinking out of your head and then star certain ones when you're feeling good or feeling bad so you can go back and check them out. That too, I do very often. I don't do it every day, but I do it often. And then I promised you three, but I'm gonna give you four. Replace one hour of TV or scrolling with podcasts
• 11:21
  Or books. I still read avidly. I get an actual book and I read through it and I take notes. And it makes me better for it. I feel better. So there's your foundation, guys. Take a break from whatever you're using to numb yourself. Work out five to six times a week. Meditate for 10 minutes. Journal and less screens. And more books.
• 11:47
  or podcasts. That's your foundation. That's it. David Goggins says, motivation is crap. Motivation comes and goes. What you need is discipline. This reset is about discipline. That's what harder than life means.
• 12:02
  So here's another step I want you to do, guys. Commit to it in writing. Put it on your bathroom mirror for the next 90 days. I choose me. Love yourself like your life depends on it because it does. Self-care is not selfish. Put yourself first for once.
• 12:25
  I know that feels weird because I'm always trying to put everybody else first and I forget about me. And that little Kelly needs love, needs care, and needs to know he's important too. So 90 days clean, five workouts a week, meditate, journal. That's the foundation. No excuses. Let's now talk about consistency. Consistency.
• 12:50
  People tell me, Kelly, I've tried before and I end up quitting or it didn't work. Listen, consistency is a muscle. You can train it like it's your biceps. The problem is,
• 13:02
  You've been skipping leg day. Everybody knows leg day, even if you don't work out all the time. Nobody likes training their legs. I do it twice a week, by the way, because my legs are small, but I'm intense and insane and I love it. I like to tie people's actions back to their why. If your why is weak, your habits will fold the second life punches you in the face. For me, my why is my daughter and to give back to all of you. I started the podcast off with saying this.
• 13:31
  I love when people come up to me and say, you were my inspiration to dot, dot, dot, dot, whatever it is. I get it from working out more to quit drinking to starting businesses. It's all of the above. So I love it. My friend Ed Milat says, when your vision is clear, your decisions are easy.
• 13:50
  So let's make this very practical. Number four, write your why in one sentence. Create three small daily wins that stack towards it. Example, 10 pushups, 10 minutes of reading, the 10 minutes of silence.
• 14:06
  track them in a journal for 30 days. Because have you noticed all four action steps have all been writing them down? Because once you write them down, they become real. That's how you build belief, and when you believe it, you will see it. I'll see it when I believe it. So consistency is a muscle, train it, stop quitting on yourself. I get this one, and I wanna go through it.
• 14:34
  Why try at all? If you're thinking, why even try? Here's my answer. Why not? What do you have to lose? Can't get any worse. What if it gets better? Spoiler alert. It will. I'm living proof of it. Les Brown said, you don't have to be great to get started, but you have to get started to be great. Love me some Les. Les Brown.
• 15:00
  You are here on this earth and alive for a reason. You matter. You're worth it. The only thing left is to show yourself that truth. If you've listened to me for any amount of time, you hear me say that over and over and over because that's what the little Kelly needed to hear. You matter. You're alive for a reason and you're worth it.
• 15:21
  You matter. Because when I was growing up, I was taught I didn't matter. I was literally told, children are to be seen and not heard. Where are my 40, 50-somethings that can identify with that?
• 15:38
  Action step. Tonight, look in the mirror and say, I'm worth the effort. I choose me. Then tomorrow, prove it with one action. In my Heart in Life book I wrote about, I literally looked into my eyes. I looked into a mirror for five minutes every single day and said I love myself over and over and over and over until I embodied it and believed it. If you want a better life,
• 16:05
  nothing should be off the table. Nothing should sound stupid is ridiculous as that sounds of me sitting there looking. I still do it once in a blue moon. If I have any thoughts of being less than, so those mirror affirmations, man, they do work. I still do my morning ones. Tell myself I love, I, uh, I love myself. I, I,
• 16:27
  I'm telling you, it worked. I high-five myself in the mirror and say, I love you. Why not try? What if life gets better? It will. I'm living proof.
• 16:36
  So we've come this far, let me just highlight the blueprint. Again, if you need this and want this in detail, go to Amazon and get my book, Happier Than Life. I detail this out along with much more emotional habits and rituals that I do, as well as the daily physical stuff and how I live happier than life and where I came from. So here's your heart of the life starter pack.
• 17:05
  Call it your playbook, the heart and life blueprint, so to speak, move daily, even a 20 minute walk counts. I would prefer it be an hour and you break a sweat, but I wanna get this for everybody, especially if you're doing nothing. 20 minute walk counts, prefer an hour in the gym, but,
• 17:25
  Let's get this harder than life thing started. Fuel your body, meaning eat lots of protein, drink lots of water, and get plenty of sleep. Six to eight hours, preferably seven to nine, maybe even better. I get seven every single night. Step three, master your mind. Journal and meditate daily. Again, I just do one quick page to get things out of my head and onto a paper. It just...
• 17:52
  Resets keeps my mind from spiraling or spinning out of control. And I do my 10 minute daily calm guided meditation. And then when I'm just feeling a little off, I may do a quick two or three minute one just to myself. Number four is to guard your circle.
• 18:10
  Cut one toxic person out and add one positive influence. Another pro tip, you don't have to know that positive influence. Most of y'all have never met me, but yet here you are listening. Go ahead and find someone that you really resonate with. For me, it was Ed Milet and then I met him and he was truly the real deal that I enjoy. I listen to him still to this day.
• 18:37
  And I feel like I know them and then I got to know them. And what do you know? So guard your circle. You are the sum of your friends. I hate to say it. Lastly, track your wins. Small wins daily compounded into massive results. Another advanced tip, those wins can go in your journal. If you don't know what to talk about, just star those wins. And that's how you get into gratitude. I can't believe I've gone all this time
• 19:01
  and haven't really talked about gratitude. So gratitude is the foundation to everything. I find myself spiraling on the negative. Just grab a little gratitude. What you're grateful for can be anything. The podcast I'm doing right now, the car you're driving in, perhaps the workout you're doing while you're listening to this. My friend John Maxwell, amazing man by the way, said you'll never change your life until you change something you do daily.
• 19:28
  The secret of your success is found in your daily routine. And I have been doing this same daily routine for darn near seven years now.
• 19:39
  And man, have I gotten addicted to it. I love it. And I keep adding on to it. So when I'm done with this 500 workouts this year, though, I might lighten up. Not going to hit the brake, but I might let my foot off the gas. So that's the game. That's how you get harder than life. Your routine is your destiny. Show me your habits and I'll show you your future. So harder than life nation. Now it's on you.
• 20:03
  DM me what's been stopping you and tell me the one action you're going to take this week to smash it. Remember, excuses don't get results, work does, and you're worth it. Keep in mind the next several episodes are going to be from you listeners. So if there is something you want me to spend 15 to 25 minutes talking about, either email it to me, kelly at hardinlife.com, or just message me on Instagram.
• 20:31
  This is Kelly Siegel asking you to stay strong, stay relentless, and be harder than life.
• 20:39
  Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.