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How can I navigate a relationship with a narcissist? · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Trying to navigate a relationship with a narcissist can leave you confused, drained, and doubting yourself.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Those reactions make sense.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: And a narcissist is someone with a long-standing pattern of needing constant admiration, struggling to show empathy, feeling entitled, and sometimes controlling or manipulating the people around them.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now, some people do have a formal diagnosis known as narcissistic personality disorder, and others show these traits without having one.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Now, after a difficult interaction, give your body a moment to pause first.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: So breathe in for a count of four and out for a count of six, and just repeat that a few times.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: And then once that's done, just look around the room and then find things you can see, as this can help you bring you back to the present and remind you that your feelings are valid even when the other person dismisses them.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Now it is tempting to look for the perfect words that will finally make them understand.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: With narcissistic traits, logic and emotion rarely change their view.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: So try to win an argument uses up a lot of your energy.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: So ask yourself what do I actually have control over here?
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: And the answer is your own response.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: And you can set a clear boundary, say it calmly and follow through with that.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Also keeping reply short and neutral when they try to provoke or blame you.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: And when guilt creeps in, just pause and ask yourself, is this mine to carry?
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: And also think of a moment when things fell out just a little bit easier between you.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: What was different and what did you do?
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: And try to do a little more of that.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: Now, practical steps to support you with this is to choose one or two people you trust who will listen and take your experience seriously.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Also, keep in brief notes of what was said and when, so that if you start doubting your own memory, you have something to check it against.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Also, limit contact where you can and plan ahead for situations you know will be tough.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's also helpful to protect the routines that refuel you, like sleep, time outdoors, or time with people who actually treat you well.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: And over time, ask yourself what you actually want from this relationship because stepping back or ending it is a valid choice as well.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you do feel constantly anxious or low, or find yourself second guessing everything, or the relationship is affecting your sleep, work, or other relationships, you might want to speak with your GP or a therapist, and therapy can help you make sense of what you have been through and decide your next steps, whether you stay or leave.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: If you ever feel afraid of this person or feel threatened, you can seek support from a specialist service in your area as soon as you can.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: You can go back to the apps resources or navigating narcissistic relationships for further support.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: If you are thinking about harming yourself or feeling safe, then please seek urgent help by contacting your local emergency number or a crisis helpline.