Latest / Just Us Sisters / Episode 12: What We Learned & Unlearned from our Parents

Transcript

Episode 12: What We Learned & Unlearned from our Parents · Just Us Sisters

• speaker-1: Welcome to the Just Us Sisters Podcast. ⁓ speaker-2: Life doesn't speaker-3: you Welcome to the Just Us Sisters podcast. Today is episode 12 and we're going to be talking about what we learned and from our parents. I would like to introduce my sisters to you. Susan is the oldest. ⁓ ⁓ the oldest child. ⁓ Shelly the youngest middle child. And I'm Stacey, the baby of the family. So thank y'all for joining us. This one may get a little And I think we're going to learn some things about each other that we didn't know. When you think of our parents, what's the first lesson that comes to mind? Good or bad? speaker-1: Friendship. They and valued friends. We had people over just for coffee, just drop-ins, not like clean the house and get everything ready and have someone over for dinner. No, it was like they would just walk down the street and drop in for coffee and stay a few hours. It was an open door policy. And I love that, that they valued friendship. speaker-2: We have a safe place. speaker-3: The Dixon's, La Fuente's, gosh. speaker-1: Yeah, I mean, our home always had their friends, so that was always nice. speaker-2: For me, the good I learned from Dad is to always early and on time wherever you're going. ⁓ appreciated that. The bad ⁓ if tells you, don't ever to take out the trash, don't ever forget to take out the trash because you could be sitting in high school as a sophomore and during morning announcements here at the end of the announcements, Sheryl. You forgot to take out the trash. As soon as you get home, you need to do that. And so that made me never forget to take out the trash again. And now I'm glad I have Johnny to take out the trash. speaker-3: Exactly. He used that story when he came and talked to my team and they wanted to know what I was like growing up. But he told that story about you, not that it was about me, but about you. So apparently he didn't have any stories about me, but he had one of you. He does. Is there a phrase that mom and dad said that sticks in your head today? speaker-1: A lot of stories on Sheryl. speaker-2: Well. speaker-3: Really? speaker-2: Kidding. That's funny. I think they said that to me too. For mom. I know that y'all remember this. This is the phrase I always remember for mom. Rise and shine and give the glory glory. And now I did it to my kids and I'm sure they did it to their kids. speaker-3: I that one. speaker-1: I did it to my kids. speaker-3: And I did it too. Do you think you're more like mom, dad, both, neither, and why? When they moved to Liberty Hill, mom's stubborn side came out in full force. And I was thinking, hmm, that might be where we actually all got that from. And it was just hidden all these years. speaker-1: I feel like I'm like mom, but not necessarily in the stubborn although I can be stubborn. But more so in the sensitivity. She's very sensitive to people around her ⁓ I feel like she's very wise. you know, dad always gets the accolades the glory for, you know, the leader that he was. But behind every great leader is a great wife ⁓ and wise wife. And I feel like that's who mom was and I can relate to that. speaker-2: think Dad taught all of us a good work ethic. And for me, Mom, she's a peacemaker and I like to make... speaker-3: Peace too. I tell my kids all the time, you're not going to inherit millions of dollars, but you will inherit a very good work ethic. So, and maybe ADHD. What value do you think our parents unintentionally taught us just how they speaker-1: It was their faith, the importance of their faith in Jesus. Absolutely. speaker-3: Yeah, and another area was how they helped people. And sometimes it was great. And then sometimes it was picking up a hitchhiker and throwing them in the back of the truck with us on long trips. speaker-1: poor guy speaker-2: you speaker-3: poor hitchhiker speaker-2: They got that honestly from Pop. Yes. That's a whole other story. speaker-3: Yeah. Yeah. So is there a lesson from childhood that didn't make sense then, but makes total sense now as an adult? speaker-1: For me, it would be dating. They would not let us go out on a date. I don't know about the younger ones, but they wouldn't let me go out on a date until I turned 16. And I couldn't understand that. I was, I think I was a junior ⁓ in high school I had been asked out and I had to say, no, I can't date till I'm 16. ⁓ But when you having children of your own, you realize that's a good age. ⁓ That's a good to. let your kids, you know, really start dating, group dating at least. speaker-3: They never had to worry about that with me, Susan, so ⁓ they were safe there. ⁓ speaker-4: That was the same for me. They did actually bend the rules for me, but he was a really nice guy. They knew him. So I did actually go out before 16 to prom as a freshman. speaker-3: Whoa! Do I remember? Yeah. speaker-2: We won't mention names. speaker-1: It was big deal. speaker-2: That was for me. was curfews. My friends, they all had later curfews than, than we did. And I never could figure out, man, why do my parents have such strict curfews? And of course, then I, as I got older, knew there really isn't anything good that happens after midnight. So I it. I understood. speaker-3: I with that. speaker-1: You have a midnight curfew? You did too! speaker-2: You just didn't have anybody to go do things with that late at night. speaker-1: They were all at home with their parents. speaker-2: Reading? No, I'm just kidding. speaker-3: Practicing their cheer lessons. In what ways did our upbringing prepare you well for adulthood? speaker-4: that our parents, dad in particular, was a realist. And they didn't sugarcoat anything because that isn't real life. And so we didn't get shielded from ⁓ I think that that prepared us for adulthood because we weren't shocked that people can be mean. speaker-3: Yeah. speaker-1: I kind of feel like I was shielded from that. I yeah, because I didn't discover that until I got into college. Of course, you know, we kind of grew up with people in some ways like us. And so the one thing that that I would say was I feel like in some ways it wasn't until I got to college that I was around multi ethnic groups. And so That was kind of, you know, I didn't feel prepared. I felt shielded, not from the multi-ethnic groups, but just we grew up in a community that were people that looked up like us. And so that was one thing that I don't feel like I was prepared for, but because they taught us how to get along with people, no matter who they were or how they responded. I feel like that helped me know how to deal with different types of people from different cultures and different places, different socioeconomic stages, so, ages too. speaker-2: I'm amazed at how they managed little money that they made. ⁓ I just didn't know they didn't that much money, but they managed it very well. speaker-3: Yeah, that's a big one, Sheryl. Let's get into the unlearn discussion. What belief or habit did you have to unlearn as you got older? speaker-4: Like a lot of the kids of the 60s, there was a clean your plate rule in our house. And I made a point not to raise my daughter that way on purpose. And really sorry about the starving kids in China, but that was not something I was going to pass on. speaker-3: Yeah. Hey, that's a good one, Shelly. ⁓ speaker-1: Yep. Cause I do remember doing that. Of course I did do that with my kids, especially the boys, but that's something that you do have to unlearn. I think for me, there were probably two, I don't know if you call them beliefs or habits, but one was I felt like there was a very kind of legalistic spirit in our home and spirit. Like, you know, there was black and white. speaker-3: Legalistic what? speaker-1: And, you know, and I came to find out after I married that there was also a middle area and there was something called grace and grace was a new thing to me. It really was. And so that was something I had to learn, but also I don't know if this is an older and I would be interested in our listeners. If this is the oldest child syndrome thing, but I felt like I always had to say yes, no matter what my parents asked. And this is more so after I got married. You know, if someone was coming into town, of course I would want to see them, but I felt that pressure to be there and to say yes and to be present. And sometimes it was not convenient for my family. And I would put my husband in precarious situation because I felt the pressure to be there, but I also felt the pressure to be home. And so that was something I had to learn that, you know what? No is okay. No is setting boundaries. Just because I say no doesn't mean I don't love them. Doesn't mean I don't care. It means I have something more important that is a priority. And that would be my family, my immediate family. So. speaker-3: that Susan, are you able to extend that to your kids now that they're grown? speaker-1: Yes, they can't be and do everything. Now, I'm not going to say I'm not disappointed. Yeah. I want them to feel like they can tell me no. speaker-3: but. I that this last weekend and normally the kids come and this time two of them couldn't and I was so disappointed. Not that I didn't understand, but I was disappointed. But I do understand because we all went through that, I believe. Yeah. speaker-2: agree a little bit of legalism, but I think in my area was dancing. I mean, no dancing and drinking, which we were athletes. I mean, that wasn't even a thought. But the reason why I know that the dancing was probably because of the Baptist background, but the drinking was obviously because they both came from alcoholic dads. So I understood that more as I got older, then kids taught me. not when they were young, as adults, everything in moderation is okay. ⁓ speaker-1: Well, not everything. speaker-2: Well, not cheating on your spouse in moderation. speaker-3: There's a lot that is moderation is okay. We were brought up not being okay. speaker-2: Right. I mean, I can pretty much say none of us are big alcoholics or anything, but I'm glad that they had curfews for me, but that's going back to that other question. But I would have loved to have gone to those VFW dances. speaker-1: Right. speaker-3: We danced, Shelly. I don't think they knew about it. speaker-2: Yeah, they probably did break dancing down at 6th Street. speaker-3: Yeah, I mean, Shelly could break dance. She could break a dance. speaker-2: Did she pop her neck? speaker-1: why I speaker-4: knee replacement now? speaker-1: Yeah, I we all would. I think I agree with Sheryl though. I understand the boundaries that they set for our family on alcohol. what is funny is that, well, not funny, you know, almost all of our relatives had big drinkers in their family. ⁓ friends. And friends. mean, co-tins. ⁓ And it was... speaker-3: Just spin it around. speaker-1: good to see that they took a stand, but I think I was not taught anything about like moderation or responsible drinking or anything like that because it was just wrong. It was bad. speaker-2: I never heard them judge people for drinking or anything. speaker-1: No, no, I mean, I felt judged when I first had my first drink in front of them. But, you know, well, for the longest, they didn't know I was drinking because I had my red solo cup. speaker-3: red solo speaker-1: I wasn't as brave as Cherokee and just drink it right in front of them. But I feel like, you know, that was a huge area. speaker-3: Yeah. What did you have to relearn about money, relationships, emotions, or success? Telling you for a mother that does her books to the penny. I went to college oblivious to a check, how to keep a bank account, all of that. Who's this FICA? ⁓ need to give it back. ⁓ speaker-1: Yes. you We didn't learn about budgeting or tithing or saving or spending. speaker-2: They taught me from the, I must have been the only one that worked in this family as a kid. They taught me when I worked at that chicken place in New Braunfels they, I mean, they were like, okay, you made $14 and you need to put $1.40 in the plate. I was like, oh. speaker-1: Yeah, I don't remember that at all. Because the reason why is when Tom and I first met and we're talking about getting married, one of our first conversations was about tithing. And he said that that was very important to him. And he said, why? And honestly, I was like, wow, that's interesting. I mean, that's, I see why it's important. And I know what the Bible says about it. I've just never speaker-3: done ⁓ mom and dad were always very faithful in tithing. do remember her putting checks in an envelope each week to go into the church. speaker-2: Yeah, I remember them talking about stories about, they just weren't going to make it, but they were going to do their tithe and then they would make it somehow. I remember them talk, but I don't know, I must have been special. They had to sit me down and say, we're going to tithe, okay. speaker-4: As far as relationships there really wasn't anything we had to unlearn because we just live by example ⁓ in regard to how they treated each other, in regard to how they treated their parents, our grandparents, and in regard to how they treated people in general. That was definitely not something I want to unlearn. speaker-3: Yeah, I don't remember a lot of emotions. speaker-1: I do. Here was this rug and it would be swept under and then the rug would grow. And then would be swept under and the rug would get bigger. Until we have this mountain under this rug and people would trip over it and wonder, what is that? What is causing us to trip? Because we didn't talk about emotions. speaker-3: saying. speaker-4: Until things exploded because that is not how I deal with stuff and even as a child, the sweeping under the rug was not a concept I could grasp. speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-2: I think one reason they didn't want us to, this is my personal thing, to air out our problems in public because of dad's status as a principal. And so instead of sometimes dealing with it, sweeping it of the carpet. Yeah. speaker-4: I think it's more. speaker-1: No, I think you're right. I think generational. I think you're right. speaker-3: often think it's because dad tended to treat us like boys. speaker-1: Yes, I'm thinking the same. speaker-3: And so all, know, boys are raised to not show emotion and I feel like that was part of our raising that there wasn't a lot of emotion that we showed except for Shelly I don't remember all of her emotions. speaker-1: Just when she was under five. That's all I remember. speaker-2: We were gone after that. We were gone pretty close after. speaker-1: Why does it go on that fast? speaker-2: Like seven. speaker-4: success was relative. I didn't feel like we were ever encouraged to like succeed at all costs. It was if you've done your best, that is good enough and whatever the results may be. So I appreciated that because I had friends whose parents pressured them so bad and caused some damage down the line as well. speaker-3: I think that there probably could have been a little more push towards success. Just my opinion. And it might have just been me. They may have been tired by that time. speaker-4: It's funny that you say that because I told dad what today's topic was going to be and says, you know, I never pushed y'all to do well in school. speaker-1: ⁓ and that's so weird for an educator. speaker-3: It is week. speaker-4: It was good thing and it was for him because he thought y'all were surrounded by school 24x7 and we weren't going to then pressure you in that regard. All of us could have used a little bit more pressure. speaker-1: Absolutely. And as a result, I didn't put pressure on my kids. And I wish I would have because I feel like I let them off the hook too easily, because I was a teacher ⁓ I didn't want to, you know, be constantly on them. So there were some things that I wish I would have unlearned in that situation. speaker-3: Yeah. speaker-2: was glad because I struggled in school. I was not like an LA student. I mean, I'm thankful for Joy and Mary and Fern and Rhonda and Rae Anne my good, very smart friends that helped tutor me. speaker-3: What's something you intentionally do different in your life now? So what are those big unlearned things? speaker-1: Well for me, and it's funny because you I don't remember these things so this is what I do different. We tithe, we save, and then we spend. But you know there's percentage we save, percentage we tithe, and just a budget and credit cards just paying the balance off. I don't know what my parents did with credit cards because they never told me nor did they teach me. speaker-3: when you went to speaker-4: In reality credit cards really weren't a thing. Credit at stores was a thing, but credit cards really wasn't a big thing. speaker-1: I do remember a store that mom and I would go to. Joske's No, not Joske's gosh, it was on the tip of my tongue. wasn't Weiner's TG&Y it was a store like that. TG&Y No. No. But she did have a credit there for like our school clothes. But you could not get it out until you paid for it. Like you picked it out. That's layaway. Yeah, was layaway. speaker-2: you. speaker-3: Cool! speaker-2: That's what I'm speaker-3: would still use that if I could. They don't offer it anymore. speaker-4: We had an account at Old Bossy speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-4: It was across from our middle school so if we didn't have an account then we owe them whole lot. ⁓ speaker-1: Yes. You tell tell the listeners what Old Bossy was. ⁓ speaker-2: It was an ice cream shop and they had hamburgers, shakes, good french fries. It was just the old timey malt shop. speaker-3: Are there any lessons that you're still actively unlearning? speaker-1: that is or lack of communication is what I'm, I just, ⁓ don't think I, and it may be my personality, but I just don't feel like I learned how to communicate effectively with my parents, with, with y'all. And ⁓ you know, with friends, probably more so because, you know, I see them on a daily basis, but I feel like I'm still actively unlearning, not Part of that is sharing emotion and that's in your communication. So. speaker-4: I'm trying to get to that moderation, everything in moderation, like Sheryl was talking about. speaker-3: about. Is there anything that happens and you think, ⁓ that was mom or just sounded like Dad other than rise and shine and yeah the glory glory. speaker-2: I because I said so was something that was said, but I think that was that that time. Yes, why do I have to do that? Because I said so. Yeah. Yeah. speaker-1: Yeah. I'll give you something to cry about, yes. My kids tell me all the time that I sound like Mamaw Mamaw was a little bit ditzy, and sometimes I can be ditzy. I'll never forget when of y'all asked to go to the midnight yell practice, and she said, well, what time does that start? speaker-2: Yeah, that was funny. speaker-4: Three of us can agree that often just looking at Sheryl is like looking at dad. speaker-1: Yes. speaker-2: Yes, I know. speaker-4: in a bad way you just a lot your mannerism and yeah your looks are just like yeah ⁓ speaker-3: Every night Saturday night type of person speaker-2: He wants to go, go, go. I don't know if that's what that means. speaker-3: Wondering if that's where you got it from, Sheryl. What's one thing you want to thank our parents for, even if it came with a sort of complexity? speaker-1: I would just want to thank them for raising us with priority of the church, Jesus, family. That is huge because that is something that will go on for generations after generations, I pray. speaker-2: To tag on to that, I also think, and I'm thankful that they taught us even through tough times, rough times, you know, just to keep going. We watched mom battle cancer at a very young age and I never heard her complain. Was I there? Yeah. speaker-1: Yes, you were a senior. It was my sophomore year of college, so she would have been a senior. speaker-2: I was the senior, 79. And you know, they've been through some pretty tough times and they just encourage us to keep going. speaker-3: Yeah. speaker-4: One of the things that we thought was normal, but it turns out it wasn't, is spending time with our grandparents and came to realize that is not the norm. And I put an abnormally normal upbringing that they provided us. Because I look back on my childhood and smile and so many can't do that. speaker-3: Yeah, that's a good point, Shelly. Mine is the love that they showed each other was a great example for all of us as we prepared for marriage and you do fight it out. And another thing was dad was, know, before cell phones and 911 and all of that, dad was a lot of kids' dad. You know, we had to share him a lot. you know, kids would call and say, I think somebody's in my house. And he would go over there and walk through the house. Yeah. Before they went in and I think just that example of taking care of others is just one thing that I think we've all kind of picked up on and I am thankful for that. speaker-2: Yeah, we're still sharing them and I'm appreciative that we still have them to share. Yeah. speaker-3: What's a lesson you hope the next generation learns more gently than we did? speaker-4: to ⁓ speaker-2: not just get thrown in the water and say, hope you get back. speaker-4: I had Cherokee and put her in swim lessons and in watching her there were times that I was ⁓ I should have just thrown her ⁓ speaker-2: Yeah. speaker-3: That's the perfect scenario, Shelly. speaker-1: That is a perfect scenario. speaker-3: Any of us have swim lessons? No. That costs money. speaker-2: No. That cost money and why when he could just do it himself? I still dog paddle. speaker-1: to just be thrown in. speaker-3: dog paddler too. speaker-2: I think that we're probably real good swimmers because we like to be in the water. Yeah. Until they see Shamu starting to dogpaddle ⁓ speaker-3: Stop it. What would you tell your younger self about growing up in our family? speaker-4: But you really have it good and you need to just soak it in and enjoy it and learn what you can. speaker-1: And you don't have to clean your plate. speaker-4: and you don't have to clean your plate. speaker-2: Unless you want to, I would say it's okay to be different. If you don't want to go with the mainstream, it's okay as long as you're being a productive citizen. speaker-1: I would say you don't have to be perfect. speaker-2: Mmm, that's good. speaker-3: You don't have to please everyone, right? And we've about that in a lot of our episodes of how we all tend to lean towards being people pleasers or have been in the past. speaker-1: So don't. speaker-4: Thank you. speaker-3: Except for Shelly, she got that one down a long time ago. Hey, thank y'all for joining us. We'd like to hear about your upbringing, things that you've had to learn and unlearn from your parent, and share those with us in the comments. Next week, Sheryl will be hosting episode 12 on childhood friendship. also have very special guests joining us for this memorable episode. Until then, life is messy and meaningful and better when shared. Thank you for listening. speaker-1: Don't forget to like us. speaker-2: Cheers. speaker-3: And subscribe. Bye! ⁓ What do you think of... ⁓ Let me start that one over. Okay. Do you think you're more like... I'm not gonna do that one. That one's... ⁓ speaker-2: Yeah, you should do it. And if nobody has something, then. speaker-1: Yeah. speaker-3: Okay, because I had a story around it too. Okay. speaker-1: Something that I, what was the question? forgot. Sorry, Stace. speaker-3: National Honor Society. mean, I wasn't was. Oh, smarty pants. speaker-1: Shelly speaker-2: You speaker-4: Next! speaker-3: question. speaker-2: Please. speaker-3: then, life is meaningful, memorable, and messy. And better when shared ⁓ that wrong? speaker-1: You put an extra M word in there. speaker-2: You better do it again. Well, measurable. And measurable. speaker-4: voting. speaker-1: and mediocre. speaker-3: I like the M's. Messy, memorable, meaningful, miserable.