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Transcript

Just Friends Being Friends... · Billy & Lisa in the Morning: The After Show

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: All right, it is after showtime. Welcome everybody to a Monday.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: It's morning now, day after the super Bowl, and uh yeah,
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: not much to say there.
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: We lost.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: I had a bad feeling going into it, but I
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: had hope. I had hoped that the Patriots were going
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: to win, and they did not. And that's the bad news.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: The good news is had a great time, great super
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: Bowl party. I'm sorry there was no podcast on Friday.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: I just can't dictate things that happened. You know, I
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: had a haircut scheduled. You know, I'm weird, you know
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: my bullshit, and so I had stuff to do after
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: the show or any back calls in.
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: I had commercials to produce.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: Blah blah, blah blah. If it's not a podcast just now,
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: it's not by choice. I love doing an after show,
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: I really do. I love all of you that listen
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: or like a or an army, the after show army.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: So when I can't, I am sorry. But I have
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: good news because today I have a guest.
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: Now.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: A lot of people have been dming me since the
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: last few months when I've been doing the podcast by
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: myself and requesting guests from my life right, whether that's
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: my wife or my friends or you know, people that
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: I talk about on the show on the podcast, and so.
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: I've been trying to do that.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: I've been trying to get my wife on, but she's
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: just first of all, she works during the day, so
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: it's hard for her. She's a manager at her company,
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: so she has all these meetings and stuff, so it's
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: hard to get her. One day, I will. But I
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: do have a friend named Alan, the plumber that we've
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: talked about many times on the show, dear friend of mine.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: He's usually the one that comes over and fixes things
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: at my house. He's very nice to do that. But
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: he's been a long time friend and I asked him
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: to come on and he said yes, And here he
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: is right now. Welcome to the podcast. I'll pull up
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: right to the microphone. Go ahead, say hello, Hey, what's up?
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Is this your first time ever talking into a mic?
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: First time? Yeah? Is it? I mean? I think so? Really,
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: Have you ever sang into a mic?
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: No?
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: I mean I've screamed into a microphone.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: Okay, but we'll get to that. Don't worry, don't So.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: Alan is married to Brooke. They have a daughter named Sage. Okay,
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: so Alan and I go way back years. We're gonna
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: go through the whole history. But currently Alan and his
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: wife Brooke are my wife and I's dear friends, very
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: good friends. And then Sage his daughter. How old is
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: save Alan?
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: She's eight, she's eight.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: Is very good friends with Gemma, who's almost four. They're
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: very good friends. So Al's always over my house, not
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: just fixing things, but always over my house. We're hanging out,
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: and you know, that's why I decided to have you
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: on to get some to get some stories, and to
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: talk about our friendship and talk about a little bit
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: of you because people care.
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: About that stuff. No, I don't know. I don't know.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: Well they will after this because you're an interesting person.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: That's why I love you. So first, before we get started,
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: you listen to this podcast I am I do, which
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: is really a nice thing. I think you're the only
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: one of my friends that listens. I think, so, yeah,
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: why would you think that they've never brought it up?
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: Any of my friends have never brought it up. They
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: never They've never brought up anything that I talked about
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: on the show or here.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: It's you.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: This is the thing is the kiss Morning Show, the
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: Billy and Lisa Show, and then the Maddie Show before that.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: Primarily women listen. So what happens is a friend of mine,
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: whoever a guy, will say, oh yeah, my wife was
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: telling me that you were talking about this. It's never
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: I heard you say this.
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: Well, I mean I like the app because I think
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: that you like and I've told you this.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: I think that you put on a good show. Oh
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: tell me more.
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: Okay, I think that you put on a good show.
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: And I like the app because I can fast forward
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: through the commercials and I don't have to listen.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: To the music.
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: Right, which are the two things that I dislike the
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: most about the program?
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I want to know a fun fact. And my
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: boss will hate if I talk about this because we
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: love it. We do love the music, right, Like it's
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: pop music. You know, it's universal, and I love all music,
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: including the music that we play. But you know, the boss, obviously,
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: the program director of the radio station, is like, we're
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: Boston's number one hit music station.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: Okay, what's going on the headphones?
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: Then?
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: I don't know, do put the fucking headphones on?
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: I feel like if I have the headphones on, it's
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: your voice. That's messing up.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: It's fucking win. Okay, I'm sorry.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: Right, it's it's fucking win.
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: And so it's like I want to have the I
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: want to have the headphones so I can hear what's
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: going on. I've got it, but I just don't want
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: to be like surrounded by the headphones.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: Okay, you don't have to be locked into the headphones.
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: It's strange.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: I'm a little nervous about some feedback, but I don't
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: hear any because the feedback will catch on the mic.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: Oh if I get too close, if you get too close.
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: But where you are right now, it's perfect. Can you
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: hear me? Yes, I can hear you perfect? Okay. Do
• 4:41
  Speaker 2: you want me to talk loud or I can talk.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: I'm pretty loud.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: I'm looking at your levels now, and I think you're good,
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: all right, I think you're good. Okay, So wherehere are we?
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: You listen on the app? Yes, and you like it
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: because you can.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: Faster with the music.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: So the ball will have meetings and they'll say, you know,
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: you need to own the music. Right where Boston's number
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: one hit music station. People, I want to hear about
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: the music. And we do a lot of music centric
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: stories obviously, But did you know that a majority of
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: the people that listen to the morning show are not
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: listening for the music. They're listening for the show, for
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: the content.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: I believe that of the show for sure.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: It's nice to music is there, you know, But you know,
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: I know that you know, and I know probably a
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: lot of people listen on the app or whatever and
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: they fast forward through the music or do whatever. You know,
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: the music school, music school. You are a big music guy.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: I am.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: We're going to get into that too, no worry. So
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: you listen to the appter Show, which is good, and
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: you know, it's a real nice thing. You listen with
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: your daughter, and I really appreciate that.
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: Hello, justin it sig and Alan speaking.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: Look at that teaching her to use the talkbacks at
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: such a young age. She does love to talk, so nice,
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: so nice.
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: So Alan, you are from North Andover God's Country, born
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: and raised. Okay, I met you. I believe it was
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: two thousand and nine. Now, if you listen to this podcast,
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: if you know anything about me, you know that I
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: am in recovery, as are you.
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: It may have been before that.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: No, because I got clean in two thousand and eight,
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: so probably it could have been I got clean in
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: two thousand and eight.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: Actually, well, because I remember when you came in and
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: you had.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: Like a brief period of yes, so it was probably
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: two thousand and seven, right, because so I met I
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: reconnected with my wife in two thousand and seven.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: Didn't you used to have like a red sweatsuit? Yeah?
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, oh yeah. I was like, I was like, fucked doubt,
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: you know, I mean, come on, I didn't I didn't
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: know what I didn't know anyway, So I reconnected with
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: Jen and she's the one that got me back into meetings,
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: and I was like clean but not like work in recovery.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: So I could have met you at the end of
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: two thousand and seven because we got together around September
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: and then she got she was getting clean, and then
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: I relapsed and got clean in June of two thousand
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: and eight. So I couldn't met you anywhere anywhere around there,
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: but you are from Northandover. But I met you at
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: Lawrence at Lawrence Meetings, recovery meetings, and when I tell
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: you the listening audience, but the person that I met
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: back then, now mind you, I was just getting clean.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: So I was getting my life together, but I was
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: in recovery. Alan not in recovery. And when I tell you,
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: he was the most miserable person I've ever met, just angry.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: Would you not agree?
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: I mean, I'm still kind of angry.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: A little bit. But you know what, You've changed a lot.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: You have changed a lot. But back then, nobody even
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: approached you, no one even talked to you. You would
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: come around and they'd be like, oh my god, there's
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: that dude like you come walk into the meeting late,
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: and then you at the end, they'd be like, anybody
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: have a burning desire, like you need to share? And
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: your hamm would go up and everyone would be like,
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: oh my god, I just want to go home. And
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: you would hold the meeting hostage, yelling and screaming.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: You were very angry. I was on drugs.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: You were on drugs, heavily, heavily, heavily on drugs. So
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: I I want to say that I've always had this
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: quality about myself. Where Okay, an example is if you
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: have somebody that and this goes back to like grade school,
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: if you have somebody that everybody is pointing fingers at,
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: or talking about, or even making fun of not that
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: they were making fun of you, but like, you know.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: They were totally making fun.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: Well, they didn't want to talk to you, But if
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: that happened, I wouldn't have thrown that in. If they
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: weren't making fun, they weren't well, they were scared. No
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: one was making funny. They were scary. But when those
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: situations happened, something inside of me was like, I'm going
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: to do the opposite. I'm going to talk to that person.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: I've always had that quality. I've tried to have that quality,
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: like stick up with the kids that are getting bullied,
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: you know, I just like that.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: So I started talking to you, and uh, and you
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: were always super cool to me, like you were always
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: like we always had like some kind of a little
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: connection because you know, I understood where you were at.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: You know, you were strung out on drugs like bad.
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: I enjoyed. I enjoyed the drugs, right.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: But even what's funny is that I I remember seeing
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: you and we would talk, like even though you were
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: messed up and yelling and screaming and angry, like, we
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: would talk and we developed like a relationship or friendship,
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: you know. And so for a couple of years. I think,
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: you know, I would try to help you get clean,
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: you know, I talk to you over and over again.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: I mean I mean many nights after a meeting, you
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: out of your mind and talking to you, not preaching
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: to you, but being like, bro, like you can get clean,
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: you can get clean, and you never did, Okay. And
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: so this is do you remember the year that this happened,
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: that the final time I saw you before? Like, what
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: year was it? So, oh wait I met you?
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: It was probably ten ten, probably twenty ten, definitely twenty ten, okay,
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: because Steven.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: Was born, Stephen was born. You used to come with
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: your kid's mother whatever, So twenty ten. The last time
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: I saw you was at a recovery meeting. You came
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: in and I didn't know this, but you were trying
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: to find someone to let you see on their couch,
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: and there I was, but it didn't work out that way.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: It was the middle of winter and it was freezing out,
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: like it's freezing right now, and you were homeless and
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: you were literally living on the commons and Lawrence like
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: you were on the street, right And so I think
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: you had shared that that you had nowhere to go,
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: probably in hopes of someone saying like, hey, come to.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: My warm house. But I didn't.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: I said to you, listen, if I get you a bed,
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: I can get you a bed. If we can get
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: you a bed in detox, I'll take you right now.
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: Now.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: It's like nine thirty a night on a Saturday. And
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: so you agreed. And so the bed was in Boston
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: at Boston Medical, and so me and a couple of
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: guys that I was with drove you to the Detox
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: and the whole way down where like giving you the
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: speech this is the last time you ever have to
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: use your life can be different.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: You enough to do this again. You never have to
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: do this again.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: This is the start of your new life, you know,
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: giving you the spiritual positive message. And so we get
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: down there, we drop you off. It was like this
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: nice thing that we did. We're driving home and we're
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: like ride and high, right, because that you get a
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: spiritual high from helping others. We're like wow, like that
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: should he stays clean? And sure enough, halfway back to Haveral, Massachusetts,
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: my phone rings in.
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: It's you. I don't even know if it was that long.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: It was pretty actually, actually it wasn't halfway it was
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: like in Medford. I remember it was like on ninety
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: grade Medford, and I pick up the phone and it's
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: you screaming and yelling come back here and get me.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: You gotta fucking come back and get me. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa,
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: what's going on now?
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: Do you remember this? By the dude?
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: Well, they had told me that I had a band
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: out of their like sister facility.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: So you had done there and got kicked out.
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: I'd never been to that one, but I had been to.
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: What happened was is I was at Danvers Detox, right,
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: and I don't.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: Know if you've ever been there many times.
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: So there was this bush up front, yes, that people
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: just used to like put shit in, yep. And so
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: I like completed my detox there and I left and
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: because like I just went to details to get off
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: the street, I had no intention on actually being sober.
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: I like checked the bush when I was waiting for
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: my right and I found a bag of pills in
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: the bush.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: That's someone's stashed someone stashed.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: There, all right, But like they it was it was
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: this day. It was weird.
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: It was like white powder and like capsules, and I
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: was like so shocked that I found these mystery pills
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: in there. I like held them up and disbelief, and
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: like the nurses watching you camera and came out. So
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: they they gave me that it was like a six
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: month suspension or whatever for like introducing like substances to
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: a facility.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: And so that's that was the whole thing, you know.
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: I tried to fight it again, I got motion denied.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so you had the band, so you went to
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: their sister facility and so basically they said you couldn't
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: go here. So you called me screaming you and that
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: I had to come back and get you. Mind you
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: you have nowhere to go. It is wintertime, it is freezing.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: So I'm like, okay, wait, hold on, hold on, let
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: me talk to a nurse. So the nurse gets on
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: the phone and explains, yes, he's banned here, but we're
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: not gonna let him go. We do have another bed
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: and another facility somewhere else in Boston. We'll take him there.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: So I go put him back on the phone. So
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: you get back on the phone and I'm like, dude,
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: I'm not coming to get you.
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: You haven't I'm not going to that place. I'll kill you.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: Get the fuck back here.
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: Why fucking now, dude, But real talk, right, have you
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: ever been the can can I mean, can I talk?
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: Can I say the name of the place?
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: It was a It was dim yeah, which has ever
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: been for an hour?
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: All right, dude? All right? I was there before then? Right.
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: So they give you those like state toothbrushes in the
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: plastic like wrap the Bob Barker ons, yes, all right.
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: And so I've never a mouse had crawled into the
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: wrapper of a.
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: Toothbrush and like suffocated. We like found it in the drawer. Dude.
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: They got like boards on the windows. It's like, all right, dude,
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: Like it's rough, like I mean, and it's in the
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: middle of the project Roxbury. There's boards on the fucking windows, dude,
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: all right, Like I mean.
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: It is a tough spot.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: Yes, I agree, But I wasn't coming back to get
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: you because where would I drop you off?
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: Well, I hear you in hindsight, Yeah, hindsight, I mean
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: like you made the right choice, yes, and no we didn't.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: And you were swearing up a storm and you hung
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: up on me, and that was That was twenty ten,
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: and I never heard from or saw you again, none
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: of us did, and in a minute you could share
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: where you went. But you were gone for many years.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: And when I tell you that, between twenty ten and
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: what gear did I did you come back? When did
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: I see you again? Seventeen maybe eighteen? I think it
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: was twenty eighteen, So eight years you were gone. And
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: in between those eight years, you know my friends, and
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: I mainly was one kid, Robbie, that's a good friend
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: of us. I swear to God, like once a year,
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: Robbie would be like, remember that dude, Alan, And I'd
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: be like yeah, and he's like, what do you think
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: he is? I'm like, he's got to be dead. There's
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: no way that dude's alive. Like that's what happens when
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: people disappear, they die, right, So I would look up
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: your name and I would type in your name obituary
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: when he'd ask me, And I never saw an obituary
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: for you. So I used to always think about, like,
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: whatever happened to that dude? And then in twenty eighteen,
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: I was at a meeting on a Saturday night and
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: I was walking into the meeting and there you were
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: came walking out and I go, Alan, and you go,
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: you go, I just want you to know I forgive
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: you believe me in Boston all those years.
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: He recognized me because I was I think I said something.
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: Maybe I did, Oh yeah I said something, and I
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: was like, I was like remember that time he left me?
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: Yes and yeah yeah, yeah yeah, And then you were
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: in disbelief.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: I couldn't believe. I couldn't believe it. Okay, So you
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: where were you for the eight years? I know where
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: you were, but I was many plays, you were many places,
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: you went to prison, It was everywhere, but the electric change. Yeah,
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: the typical like because you got clean, Like what year
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: did you get clean?
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: Finally, how long are you in clean? Eight years? Twenty
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: seventeen August twenty.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: Seven, Okay, so you're about a year clean roughly when
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: I saw you. So in between seventeen you were locked
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: up essentially in all different places.
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: I had some some other you know what, There was
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: other escapades. Yeah, I mean I was a super detail.
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: I was doing life on the installment plan.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, but it's not fun. It's not fun.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: No, No, well the thing is too is Okay. So
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: when people say to me, when when like Billy talks
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: to me on the show about prison, right, because I've
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: been very open about that, and I say, you've been
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: to prison, and so people don't understand there's a difference
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: between jail in prison. Right, they're similar, but you have
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: jail was more considered like county times, so that's you know,
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: up to two and a half years, right, that you
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: can get sentenced in places like bill Ricca and Middleton, Plymouth.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: These are like county jails. When you get indicted, that's
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: when you get higher sentences and you get sent to
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: state prison. That's your Wallpole Gardener Norfolk.
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: So I've never been to those places. I only got
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: indicted once and I beat the case. So all my
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: time has been done in County bill Rick, Plymouth Cambridge jail.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: So luckily I never graduated and got it fully indicted
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: to make it to a state I probably should have,
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: but I didn't. But you did, so you had a
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: little journey in state prison, which, from what you've told
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: me many times, was not a fun place.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: Right. Would you agree? I would agree, I would agree, yeah, yeah.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: But you also, like we talk about this all the time,
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: is being institutionalized, you know, and getting used to that
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: life of being in, going in, going out over and
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: over again. It becomes a part of your life.
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: Right. It's just all routine, you know what I mean.
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: It's just all routine, and it's like.
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: So incredibly easy, you know what I mean, to worry
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: about bills or fucking responsibility or anything. It's like you
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: get up at ten o'clock in the morning, make a
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: coup of instant coffee, ye, play whist until the poker
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: table opens, catch breck with your friends, make fun of people,
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: right repeatedly. Yeah, and then just do it all over again,
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: you know, chase drugs and gamble yep.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and then you get out and you have to
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: do all those things like get a job, you know
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: what I mean, pay bills and buy toilet paper. Yeah.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: People can't handle it. And that's what happened. That's how
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: that's the vicious cycle of going in and out, you
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: know what I mean. So, so you were in and
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: out to twenty seventeen. You finally got your like bigger sentence,
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: did that and got out, but you didn't stay clean
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: right when you get out? Right now, did you have
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: any intention of staying clean?
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: I don't know that that's like a loaded question because
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: I feel as though, like I always had.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: Okay, so leading up, so there's a whole when you're.
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: In presents, feel like I had like intention to like
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: do the right thing, but the whole thing is it's
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: like sobriety is like fucking a program of like action
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: and non intention.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, and.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: Hold on, go to the end of your sentence, right
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: you end of your sentence. You're in for? Can I
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: say how long you were in for the last time?
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Five years?
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: Well it was it was three and then I got
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: extradited to New Hampshire, so it was like three and
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: a half years.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: Okay, so towards the end of that, you're in New Hampshire,
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: you're coming to the end. You're in your you know,
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: final couple of months. You have a release date in
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: your mind. Are you thinking like when I hit the street,
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: I'm going to go to a meeting or I'm gonna
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: stay clean?
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: Well, I went to a program.
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: So when I was in Conquered, before they ship me out,
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: before New Hampshire got me, I got a security bed
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: in a program. But that was like my fucking life
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: forever was like just go to programs and like I
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: just thought that like it was gonna like happen. No,
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: Like I just thought like I would just show up
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: enough and like throw osmosis. I would just like you know,
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: be granted a car and a job and to live,
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: you know. Yeah, and so yeah, I did have the intention.
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: So when I got out of it, when I got out
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: of New Hampshire, I went I had I went to
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: a program in Westboro, Spectrum, Spectrum they had just so
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: I went there because they had the RP that was
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: like a co ed program. And my whole like intention
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: was like I'm going to go to Spectrum's RP and
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: I'm going to chase hood rats, all right because it
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: was co ed, all right, Like I haven't seen a
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: woman in three and a half years. I'm going here,
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: all right, And that's what I'm So that was really
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: my intention. Sobriety was on the back burner to that.
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: But what had happened was is they had made like
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: this new facility that had opened, uh that where everything
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: was segregated again. So I went there, so no chicks,
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: no checks, no movement, they changed like the funding.
• 20:52
  Speaker 2: I couldn't even get to a halfway house from there.
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: So I was just kind of like because what happened
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: was I secured the bed when I was in conquered,
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: but then New Hampshire got me, and so in that
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: period of time that I had to wait for my
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: sins to expire, in New Hampshire, their whole like funding
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: structure changed, so it went from being like a holding
• 21:12
  Speaker 3: to like a program of its own. Okay, so like
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: it didn't offer anything else. So I just kind of
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: got stuck there in the limbo, and like I was there,
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: I couldn't go like outside or get a job, and
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: so like I just went there and I was just
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: like stuck with this fucking prison mentality.
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: They threw me out due of course.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, but we should explain to people that
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: you when you say New Hampshire grabbed you, you had
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: open cases in New Hampshire. Yeah, and so when you
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: finish your sentence in Massachusetts, New Hampshire's like, whoa wait
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: a minute, you got some warranty are so they come
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: and get you. Yeah, that's what they do, which sucks
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: because you had no idea. Right, I knew it was there, but.
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: You didn't because that case that case was I didn't
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: because that case was from two thousand and twenty ten.
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: But it didn't pop up.
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, Well I had done other sentences before that
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: indictment and it never came up.
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: I saw the parole board like during that indictment and
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: it never came up. And then it was like literally
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: within the last like forty five days of that sentence,
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: a re entry came and I was like, oh, I'm
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: going I got to bed in this program, and they're like, yeah,
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: hold up, we got another program for them.
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: So they sent me there.
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: Spectrum kept my bed and I went there, but the
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: whole structure was fucked up by the time I got there.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: So you had some intention of staying clean, but you
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: had other intentions as well, and so you did the program,
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: got out hit the street and stay clean at all?
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: No, No, okay, I mean like like realistically, like no,
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: not at all. But in my mind at the time,
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: I was clean because I was like only smoking.
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: Weed or like what they call it, sealthy sober. Yeah. Yeah, yeah,
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: California so California sober. Yeah. I was taking mad Johnny's.
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: I was on the Southeast.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: You have to explain what that is. Neuron's a medication
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: give given for nerve pain.
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: But well it's like an umbrella thing.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but when taken in high amounts, it can get
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: you messed up. Those are before my time. I never
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: took them. They came out after I got clean. They
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: got real popular. Yeah, but you hear them a lot,
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: and like people in halfway houses, Yeah, take the john
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: Do they test for those?
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: There is a test, but it's like dumb expensive.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: So yeah, like you can get away with getting hot.
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: So if they get tipped off that the house is
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: like lit up on them, they'll they'll pay for the test,
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: right yeah.
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, so then take me to the end. They'll
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: take me to when you finally get clean. Oh the
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: bitter end, dude, it was really bitter end. The bitter
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: end was rugged.
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: I ended up in Lowell And so the time that
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: I was away, all right was like the introduction of fentanyl. Yes, okay, yeah,
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: And so what had happened was I was away and
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: like everyone was dying, all right. It was fucking crazy,
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: Like drugs would hit the block and people were like
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: overdosing on the blocks in prison.
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: In prison, all right, you would see the move team
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: go in and.
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: It was because there would just be like a mass
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: overdose on a block.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: And let me guess, in there you were like, I
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: want to give a hands on this. Oh dude, that's
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: how it sounds crazy to people that are listening.
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: Well, because like, dude, the whole thing is, it's like
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: you would get like one like set of works, all right,
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: you'd have like one doctor works, all right, like a syringe, right,
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: and everybody. I remember, we got a bunch of drugs
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: and we were waiting on the works. And the guy
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: came back from from getting the ship. He went to
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: like med call and got met up with some kid
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: over there, and so we're waiting on the works and
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: the guys, I'm gonna go first, so all right, go ahead.
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: So he goes and he dies, all right.
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: So now we're locked down, all right, And like the
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: thing that we were most upset about was that we
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: just couldn't like slam these drugs. You know, we had
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: to like sniff the drugs, like what the fuck?
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: Right, that's the insanity. Yeah.
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: But so the bitter end it was, I went and uh.
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: I was away for the fucking Fennel thing.
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: Everybody was dying, all right, and I didn't really know
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: like the severity of it, like when I got back,
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: all right, And so I was in Lowell.
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: I ended up.
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: I was running around loll and like I just kept overdosing,
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: you know. I would go, I would kind of keep
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: my shit together and just like take Johnny's or like
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: smoke weed or like recreationally like blackout drink, you know,
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: and then I would come up on some drugs like
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: every now and again, and like every time, I would
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: like overdose, and I just kept thinking it was a fluke.
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: And then.
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: I started like working. I was like roofing. So I
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: got some money. And my school of thought was like,
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: all right, I can just shoot cocaine. I'll be all
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: right if I shoot cocaine. But like the thing is
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: is like I would need the landing gear, and so
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: I ended up just getting strung out.
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: Anyway, you have to explain what landing gear ised.
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: I would need the heroine to come down off of
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: the cocaine because I'd be so spun out and like
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: I couldn't drink because my stomach would just be a
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: nots from all the cocaine.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: And the cocaine gets you up, yes, and then the
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: landing I get it landing from. Otherwise, if you don't
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: have that, you're just up and miserable. Sketched out you
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: are grumpy. Yes, you're already grumpy, oh dude, but add that.
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm on edge, dude. All right. So whatever, since
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: I was doing that, I ended up in no time.
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: I got strung out. I got to have it again
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: and then I went on a run. When I was
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: on that run.
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: I took.
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: My fine like I've overdosed and shit, but like I
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: took my final one and like when they revived me,
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: there was like no doubt in my mind that like
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: I was dead. You know, I was in the back
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: the ambulance. I was super cold, super super cold, and
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: it was it was it was August.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: No, I know, I'm trying to think about it, like
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: your mental So, so you get high, you go out,
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: you black out? Right, are you awake in the ambulance
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: when they.
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: So what happened was is I was in Lawrence and
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: I went into this alley and I did the ship.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: And like I had put it all away, and I
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: got up and I took two steps.
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: I was like in a bush, dude, And I took
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: like two steps out and I went down like behind
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: a dumpster somewhere, and like fucking somebody, some stranger just
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: saw like a body in the alley and called the police.
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: All right, and so they came. They thought it was
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: fucking dead, and they knocked at me. They brought me back.
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: And so yeah, it's dumb cold in the back of
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: the thing, and like I felt like my head was
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: underwater from like like the ship that like I could hear.
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: It sounded like my head was underwater, and it was
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: like in the back of that ambulance. It was like
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: obviously it was a figurative fork in the road, but
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: it was like so like real that it was like
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: a literal fork in the road.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: And it was like I hit this point in my
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: life where it was like I can.
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: Either continue to do what I'm doing and I'm certainly
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: going to die, you know what I mean, or I
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: can just you know, get into the program and fucking
• 28:28
  Speaker 3: give that sh I literally had nothing to lose and
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: everything to gain.
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: And it was like at that.
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: Moment that was like a real, like come to Jesus
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: moment where it was like, uh, like.
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: I'm fucking scared to die, you know.
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: And it's like you know, you go out, you run
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: around and you're like, I ain't scared to die.
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: Ain't scared another.
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: And it was like at that moment, like like on
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: the brink of death, like I realized like.
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: All right, dude, like I'm fucking scared. I actually do
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: not want to die. No, all right, and like everything
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: all at once.
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: It was like, you know, I had my son at
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: the time, and it was like, is this the fucking
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: legacy that like I want to like leave for my
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: fucking son, like your dad died in a fucking alley
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: behind a dombstudy And it was like that was another
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: lie I always told myself, like these years in prison,
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: is it's like is it's like fucking because like I
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: would like fucking rob and like steal and like I
• 29:19
  Speaker 3: was just.
• 29:20
  Speaker 2: Like a fucking thug.
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: Do you do what we do?
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: That was like the lie that like I told myself that,
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: like fucking if I just did this, like fucking I
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: was like like a real tough guy type of shit,
• 29:30
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean?
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: And uh, well, it's it really shows all let me
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: probably that it really shows that you know, we tend
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: to hide behind this identity, if you will, right, And
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: so the identity is like I don't give a fuck,
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: I'm only hurting myself, right, But then really when you
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: think about it, which sounds like the moment that you
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: had was Never mind the tough guy shit or anything
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: like that. I have a son and I have a family,
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: and actually I do kind of care well my legacy's
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: gonna be you know, those are like to come to
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: Jesus moments that happens to us in the bitter ends.
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: No, absolutely, yeah, you know, and so uh whatever, I
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: fucking they probably in the fucking hospital.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: They got me a bed back in.
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: Danvers fucking Detox for the fucking ten thousandth time.
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: But you're not banned anymore. No, that was only a
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: band ran out. That was only a six month ban.
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: And so uh, I mean by the time this happened,
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: this was years later, eight years, seven years later, and
• 30:32
  Speaker 3: so I'm back in Denvers Detox, and uh I had
• 30:36
  Speaker 3: like a bed right next to the bathroom, six man room.
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: All the fucking springs in my bed had been like
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: fucking taken out. So I was like in this fucking taco,
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: you know. I laid in the bed and the whole
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: mattress like it sunk, and the whole mattress wrapped around me.
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: And I remember like laying there and like praying you know,
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: like sincerely, like rare, without like an expectation, you know.
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: And I just remember like thanking like a higher power
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: for like a second chance of life, you know. And
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: so like from that, like I went and like I
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: had literally nothing to lose and everything to gain. So
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: from that, I really tried to jump in with both
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: feet and get what I could out of that detox.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: Like I wasn't there trying to like sniff well beautrin
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: or like, yeah, that doesn't feel good.
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: I've done that before, like sniff and glass. It's pretty rough,
• 31:33
  Speaker 2: pretty hard, doesn't even do anything now. It's bad. It's bad, yeah,
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: And so I.
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: Wasn't like trying to do that because like it's not
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: like what it does. It's like what like and obviously
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: like I.
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: Learned it, but it's not like what it does.
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: It's like what are you looking to achieve? Right, you know,
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: So it's not the actual effect that you get off.
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: It's like why the fuck am I doing this in
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: the first place? And so I wasn't doing that, and
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: I wasn't like I didn't have any ulterior motives. Like
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: my mo of was just to get my fucking shit together,
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: you know. And I went to fucking aftercare. Same thing
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: I went to aftercare. I wasn't trying to fucking hustle
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: the poker game.
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: Mm.
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well you did things different y right. Do you
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: ever hear me share and I talk about the opposite club?
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: You hear me talk about that?
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: I mean probably? Yeah.
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: Well, in recovery, they have what's called the no matter
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: what club. It's like this cliche thing, right, we don't
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: use no matter what, no matter what's going on. And
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: that's cool. But then for me, it was like I
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: had to join the opposite club, which is another cliche thing,
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: and what that means is my whole life. Just like you,
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: I did things my way. I didn't want to do
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: things like fucking ask for help and sit up front
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: in a meeting or get a sponsor or all these things.
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: But this last time I had this like come to
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: Jesus moment where I'm like, well, what I'm doing is
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: not working, So what if I did the opposite of
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: what I've always done? So I literally did the opposite
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: of every single thing, and it worked. I went to meetings,
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: I reached out for help, I did all that stuff.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: Prayed I never prayed before, and it worked. So I
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: think that. That's how I used to say to people
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: like in treatment or jail, when I go speak, I
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: talk about me in the opposite club, you know, because
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: that's what we need to do. And you just described
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: her right there. You didn't sniff the well. Buttrin, you
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: didn't play the card games, you didn't try to hustle.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: You probably didn't try to sleep with girls. Maybe you did,
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: I don't know you did, right, you did the opposite,
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: you know. Okay, so you get clean and you meet Brooke,
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: who's your wife?
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: Now, well I met her technically, I met her when
• 33:31
  Speaker 3: I was in spectrum.
• 33:33
  Speaker 2: I sent her a letta. So did I ever tell
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: you this?
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: I think you did so.
• 33:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: So Brooke is a girl from Boston, also in recovery. Yes,
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: and I sent her a letta.
• 33:42
  Speaker 2: She never wrote back. Yeah.
• 33:43
  Speaker 3: I sent her a letter with the picture. She never
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: wrote back. Yeah. But yeah, I got my shit together.
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: And it was when I got like out of loll
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: you know. I went to Lull and I was running
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: around there for a while, and then inevitably I just
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: ended up.
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: I always ended up back in Lawrence, you know.
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: And I reconnected with her when I went back to Lawrence.
• 34:10
  Speaker 3: And so that whole time that like I was like roofing,
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: and like I took that fucking I went on that run,
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: like she was putting up with my bullshit at that time.
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: You're lucky she stayed, no, I know, and and she
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: was fucking, you know, real committed to like her own
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: program and her own sobriety, you know. And so I
• 34:32
  Speaker 3: am like real fortunate that she fucking stuck around. You know,
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: I don't really know what she saw, so I really
• 34:40
  Speaker 3: brought anything to the table.
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: So together you have stage daughter, and then you got married. Yeah,
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: what did you get married? How was at your wedding
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: nineteen nineteen?
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so I came to your wedding, and man, so
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: much has happened since you've since you've been clean for sure,
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: think about that, right, children? Marriage license?
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 35:03
  Speaker 3: Well, I mean it truly is like a second chance
• 35:05
  Speaker 3: at life, because it's like all these things that like
• 35:08
  Speaker 3: I really like rode off and I thought were like impossible.
• 35:13
  Speaker 3: And then you know that they say it like if
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: you make a list of everything that you on, like
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: you will far exceed that list, and it's like fucking
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: sounds stupid when like.
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: It's another cliche thing.
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: It's a weirk cliche thing and it sounds stupid, like
• 35:29
  Speaker 3: when you just like have nothing and you are staring
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: down the barrel at like all these fucking problems. You know,
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: you don't really you think all that shit's unattainable, you know.
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: But yeah, I mean, dude, honestly, like my first like
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: biggest victory I think in like sobriety was when like
• 35:47
  Speaker 3: I got my driver's license back.
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: That's a big deal, a big deal. You can't do
• 35:51
  Speaker 2: anything without an especially when you work in the trades. Well,
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: and it was like.
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: I was roofing at the time, so it was like, dude,
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: fucking roof is a pirates dude, all right, and it's
• 36:00
  Speaker 3: like you're lucky if there's one valid driver's license like
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: throughout the crew.
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: So it was like that was just kind of like
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: a thing.
• 36:08
  Speaker 3: It's like I would just get picked up by the
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: van in the morning and I would go and I
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: would like risk my life for like twelve dollars an hour,
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean, on a daily basis, you know,
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: and I was happy to do it. It like felt nice
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: to be like self sufficient, you know. But like the
• 36:25
  Speaker 3: biggest thing was is like you always want to like
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: strive for you know this, and you and I have
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: had this talk, like you always want to just like
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: strive for more, you know what I mean, You never
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: want to like settle, you know. And and that was
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: like really where like my mindset was at was so
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: I roofed, but like I wanted fucking like health insurance,
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: all right. So I got like another job that gave
• 36:52
  Speaker 3: me like health insurance, you know. And I did that
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: for a while, but then it was like I wanted
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: to do something where like.
• 36:58
  Speaker 2: I wasn't fucking risking my safety every day. It was brutally.
• 37:05
  Speaker 2: I saw a guy Dead of Winner.
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: I was out in Dead of Winner, like this fucking
• 37:08
  Speaker 3: ice on a roof dude took a stage dive dude,
• 37:12
  Speaker 3: and he was like fucking fifty five years old dude.
• 37:14
  Speaker 3: And it's like no, but like he was fucked up
• 37:18
  Speaker 3: from it, you know. And it's like at that moment,
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: it's like is this what.
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: I want my future to be?
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: And that's when I got in the fucking plumb and
• 37:27
  Speaker 3: I had been like doing ship with Jay like on the.
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: Side guy a friend, yes, who owned a plumbing company. Yeah,
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: well kind of plumber. He did stuff.
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he did stuff, and so I had been doing
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: stuff with him on the side, and when he got
• 37:45
  Speaker 3: his license, part of the deal that he made during
• 37:48
  Speaker 3: his review was like you got to give my friend
• 37:50
  Speaker 3: an interview because they were on a hiring freeze, and
• 37:53
  Speaker 3: like honestly, like you know, that changed my life, you know.
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: And so yeah, so I wanted like more.
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: I wanted to get a fucking job where I wasn't
• 38:03
  Speaker 3: like weather dependent and like risking my safety, and like
• 38:05
  Speaker 3: the plumbing thing fucking presented itself and like it was
• 38:09
  Speaker 3: uncomfortable because.
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: I didn't know how to do anything and I didn't
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: know anybody there, you know.
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: But I just fell back on the whole thing, like
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: if it doesn't work out, I can always just go
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: back to roofing, because it's like with all these like
• 38:24
  Speaker 3: encounters like just my fucking life and like you know,
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: is it's like I constantly think about like death, you
• 38:31
  Speaker 3: know what I mean, And it's like on my deathbed,
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: like I don't want to like sit there and like
• 38:37
  Speaker 3: have these fucking regrets.
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: Well you also don't want it to say he fell
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: off a roof.
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: No. I used to leave in the morning and I'd
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: kiss Brooke goodbye. And I'd always tell her. I'd be like,
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: if I die today, this is because I love you.
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yes, no, But I like that because you
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: wanted more, right, you wanted You didn't know what you
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: were doing. And guess what, it's the same thing as me.
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: When you came into the studio this morning, I gave
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: you a tour of the station. You came into my
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: studio and I showed you what I do behind the scenes,
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: how I get the audio, how I edit audio, all
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: that stuff. And you said to me, did you learn
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: all this here or did like at school? And I said,
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: I learned zero in school. I learned it all here.
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: I showed up to learn about debt. In school, I learned.
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: About debt, yeah, definitely, but none of this stuff. I
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: learned it all here.
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: It's the same with you at plumbing, you know what
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: I mean, Like you didn't know what you were doing.
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: You just went for it, and now you're a licensed plumber.
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: Well, dude, So I got that job at Maco, and
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: I had been used to like working with Jay like
• 39:38
  Speaker 3: on the side, So I thought, like my job was
• 39:41
  Speaker 3: just gonna stand there and like cut pieces and like
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: tell jokes.
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: I really thought that that's what. Yeah, it's gonna be
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: my data. You're quite the comedian.
• 39:48
  Speaker 3: And so what in reality it became was like, dude,
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: I had to like drill fucking holes through like concrete, dude,
• 39:56
  Speaker 3: like endlessly that building and mall that I told you
• 39:58
  Speaker 3: about it.
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: It's just like, uh, two levels of garage and then
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: an amenity section. So that's three floors that are concrete.
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 40:06
  Speaker 3: There are a lot of holes in those floors, I
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: know because I drilled every.
• 40:10
  Speaker 2: Single week, all right, and like and like it was
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: it was brutal. You know.
• 40:19
  Speaker 3: There were like times like in it where it was
• 40:21
  Speaker 3: like I really questioned, like did I make the right choice,
• 40:24
  Speaker 3: you know, because it's like I had done all this
• 40:27
  Speaker 3: like fucking developed length of time, like in fucking prison
• 40:32
  Speaker 3: and streets and like all this shit, and.
• 40:35
  Speaker 2: Like here I am.
• 40:36
  Speaker 3: I was like thirty three years old at the time,
• 40:40
  Speaker 3: and I got some like fucking twenty year old kid
• 40:42
  Speaker 3: being like.
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: Dude, what are you fucking stupid? This fucking holes a
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: quarter inch off?
• 40:47
  Speaker 3: Like then it's just like, dude, like I will dribble
• 40:51
  Speaker 3: this kid fucking all the way to fucking Malden Center from.
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: Here, dude, you know, yeah, you even notice you curse
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: a lot I have.
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: Well, I yeah, I know I do. You don't even
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: realize it too, I do. I know that I do.
• 41:06
  Speaker 3: I just I just don't care, you know what I mean,
• 41:09
  Speaker 3: because like the whole thing is is it's.
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: Like I feel like it's like camouflage.
• 41:16
  Speaker 3: I give off this persona like I'm just this ignorant
• 41:18
  Speaker 3: bag of trash.
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: You know, hold on.
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: You know what's so funny about that, because I was
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: going to get to this in our little podcast here
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: is you do come off like that, right, But it
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: really is camouflage because I know you very well. You're
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: a good friend of mine. We have a lot of conversations.
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: We do the sauna every night, We spend a lot
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: of time together one on one, and you're actually very
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: intelligent and very well read, more so than me, Like
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: you are. No, you are very smart about anything from
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: pop culture to history to anything. You don't even realize it.
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: But when we have conversations, and you know, shit, I
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: there's so many times I'm like wow, like he comes
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: off like he's a fucking complete dingbat, you know what
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: I mean? But you're really not, like you really you
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: really know a lot right.
• 42:10
  Speaker 3: Well, that's like the whole thing, dude, is It's like
• 42:12
  Speaker 3: at this point, I don't really give a shit, Like
• 42:15
  Speaker 3: I've never really given a fuck about how.
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: People like, people's perception of me, you know what I mean?
• 42:21
  Speaker 3: And I always tell people like the guys like because
• 42:24
  Speaker 3: now like I run work, like at.
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: My job, Yeah, you're a boss.
• 42:27
  Speaker 3: I am a boss, like yeah, call him a big
• 42:32
  Speaker 3: meet yeah, and so.
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: Uh so hold on, think of hold on, stop before
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: you hold that thought, right, So let's think about that, Okay,
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: from what you just said where you came from, all
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: the trials and tribulations being locked down, getting out on
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: the street, roofing right, getting into plumbing, not knowing what
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: you were doing, being an assistant, drilling holes, being told
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: what to do, all that stuff. And I don't want
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: to just like graze past that that you got a
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: plumbing license and now you are essentially a manager yeah
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: yeah and a pretty big plumbing company.
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm a foreman. It's cool, you know.
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: Like you you understand how big that is.
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: Well, you know what the best thing about this whole
• 43:13
  Speaker 3: thing is, right, is uh.
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: Like my dad right, and like, yeah, we didn't talk
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: about your parents.
• 43:22
  Speaker 3: My dad like stuck by me like this whole time, right,
• 43:26
  Speaker 3: and he would come and visit me and he would
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: send me money, and like, dude, I know that, Like
• 43:31
  Speaker 3: my dad had just like resigned, like you know, like
• 43:38
  Speaker 3: like like ah, well, you know, fucking I struck out
• 43:41
  Speaker 3: with the boy, you know, like fucking like I.
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: Know, you know. And so.
• 43:48
  Speaker 3: I remember when I was closing in like all my
• 43:51
  Speaker 3: schooling and stuff, because like I did have like a
• 43:54
  Speaker 3: lot of success at my company, like even before I
• 43:57
  Speaker 3: was licensed, you know. And I remember my dad was
• 44:02
  Speaker 3: like like, oh, you gotta.
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: Get your license. You got to get your license. I
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: know you got it good, but you got to get
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: the license. What's the point of doing it if you
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: don't get the license.
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: And like he's right, but like it was like I
• 44:12
  Speaker 3: already like had all the benefits of having the license,
• 44:15
  Speaker 3: with the exception of like being able to like pull
• 44:17
  Speaker 3: permits and shit, you.
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: Know what I mean, because you can still work as
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: a plumber. Yeah.
• 44:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah's just certain things you can't because I worked for
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: like a giant company. I can't like now, like I
• 44:26
  Speaker 3: could go venture out on my own and do it
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: whatever the fuck I want, I would need a master's
• 44:30
  Speaker 3: like it's a whole thing. I would need a master's
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: license if I wanted to like create a company and
• 44:37
  Speaker 3: have journeymen like work for me. But like with my journeyman,
• 44:40
  Speaker 3: like I go out and just work like as an
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: independent like source with like a laborer, you know.
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: But uh yeah, I remember saying to my dad like
• 44:48
  Speaker 2: again back to.
• 44:49
  Speaker 3: Death, like, dude, like like before you die, you were
• 44:53
  Speaker 3: going to see me get my plumbing license, you know,
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: and like that was like the that was the best
• 44:58
  Speaker 3: part about like getting licensed, was like I knew that,
• 45:06
  Speaker 3: like I finally had this accomplishment that was gonna make
• 45:10
  Speaker 3: my dad proud of like the son that he had,
• 45:13
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean.
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: Like, and so everything else is like secondary to that,
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: you know. And then like now.
• 45:22
  Speaker 3: Whenever there's like plumbing issues at the house, tries to
• 45:25
  Speaker 3: tell me some shit, it's like, dude, I got a license,
• 45:27
  Speaker 3: are you telling you a license?
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: But actually it's actually a really cool story. When you
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: got the license, you went and took the test. It's
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: not common for people that take the plumbing test to
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: become a licensed plumber for them to pass the first time.
• 45:42
  Speaker 3: That's right, right, It's the toughest test in the addition,
• 45:45
  Speaker 3: I did, yeah, that's what, and you called your dad
• 45:48
  Speaker 3: immediately immediately. So I was still smoking butts at the time,
• 45:52
  Speaker 3: and so I needed a fucking cigarette because I'm like
• 45:54
  Speaker 3: locked in this room.
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: And so I come out and they tell me, like,
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: you pass.
• 45:58
  Speaker 3: I says, gratulations your license, plumber. I looked at her
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: and I was like, I said, this is amazing. She's like, oh, no,
• 46:05
  Speaker 3: you know, like you did good. And I was like, nah,
• 46:07
  Speaker 3: like I've been a fucking loser.
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: You said this, I said it right to this life.
• 46:11
  Speaker 2: I was like, I was like, I've been a.
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: Loser for forty years, dude, you got no idea, Like
• 46:16
  Speaker 3: this is huge. And so I had to I had
• 46:19
  Speaker 3: to pay to like for the license. You know, they
• 46:24
  Speaker 3: get you fucking with the money every way that they can.
• 46:27
  Speaker 3: So I had to pay for the license. And so
• 46:29
  Speaker 3: my phone was in the car, so I or my
• 46:32
  Speaker 3: my credit card was that something was in the car.
• 46:33
  Speaker 3: I had to go out to the car to get that,
• 46:36
  Speaker 3: and on the way I think it was my wallet.
• 46:38
  Speaker 3: On the way out, I texted my dad a picture
• 46:41
  Speaker 3: of because they print out like the thing that says passed,
• 46:45
  Speaker 3: you know. And then I went on and took a
• 46:47
  Speaker 3: trip to Flavor Country real quick. M Well, Marlboro read
• 46:51
  Speaker 3: it was Maverick menthol So that was my gidea.
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 46:54
  Speaker 3: I could afford Newports, all right, but I never wanted
• 46:57
  Speaker 3: to forget where I came from.
• 47:02
  Speaker 2: Uh.
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: But yeah, that's like, man, when you talk about that,
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: I think about my dad and my family, and you know,
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: it's like the gifts of recovery, right, especially for people
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: like us. Our parents thought we were gonna die. I mean,
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: that's just the way it was, you know.
• 47:14
  Speaker 2: Sure. I remember I was out with him one time.
• 47:16
  Speaker 3: And this is years ago, and I remember him just
• 47:20
  Speaker 3: being like, I don't know how I'm in a baria
• 47:22
  Speaker 3: And I was.
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: Just like when I'm a dude.
• 47:25
  Speaker 3: Like like, looking back on it is, it's like that
• 47:27
  Speaker 3: was like a genuine concern then he had. You know,
• 47:30
  Speaker 3: I was just like, you're a fucking idiot.
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: Fine, and it's like, dude, you know, like I was
• 47:37
  Speaker 2: not like the odds were not my favorite for being fine.
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: There was a recently you were at my house and
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: your dad called you and you were talking to him
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: about something about I forget what it was like, something
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: that he was going to do something and he needed
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: your help for something, and he's talking to talking and talking,
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: and then finally you're like, all right, well I'm gonna go.
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: I'm at my friend's house right now. And you hung
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: up and you were like, you know, he's like, yeah,
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: you know, sorry about that. My dad just like loves
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: to talk, you know, like once we get talking, you know,
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: because my dad will like good friends, He's like, we
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: just keep going, you know, on the phone for hours.
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: And he just said that to me, and I remember thinking, like, man,
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: look at this, Look at where he came from. You know,
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: all the hell you put your father through, as did I.
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: You know, now he's your friend. Now he wants to
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: call you. Now he wants to ask you for help,
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: ask you for advice, and you're there.
• 48:23
  Speaker 2: You know, well it's cool, I mean, like honestly, like.
• 48:27
  Speaker 3: And like I say this, like I do like commitment,
• 48:30
  Speaker 3: because everybody like fucking wants to get their shit together,
• 48:33
  Speaker 3: and like everybody wants to just like Chase Broads, you
• 48:38
  Speaker 3: know what I mean by sneakies get shit, you know,
• 48:43
  Speaker 3: and you know, like obviously, like you stop using drugs,
• 48:48
  Speaker 3: like fucking no matter what you're doing for work, your
• 48:55
  Speaker 3: fucking income is going to fucking increase by one hundred
• 48:58
  Speaker 3: percent because now you're not spending that money on fucking drugs,
• 49:01
  Speaker 3: so you can buy whatever the fuck you want.
• 49:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and so.
• 49:05
  Speaker 3: It's like obviously, like I have cool things. I have
• 49:09
  Speaker 3: a ton of cool stuff, all right. I have so
• 49:11
  Speaker 3: many guitars, I have so much gear. Like you would
• 49:15
  Speaker 3: walk into that attic and swear that I could shred dude,
• 49:18
  Speaker 3: all right.
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: But you can't know. It looks cool. It looks so cool.
• 49:23
  Speaker 2: They're so cool.
• 49:25
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 49:26
  Speaker 2: I did the shoe thing. You know, I have fucking
• 49:30
  Speaker 2: a million.
• 49:30
  Speaker 3: T shirts, all right, Like I have all that stuff.
• 49:35
  Speaker 3: I got the hot wife, I got the kids. You know,
• 49:38
  Speaker 3: I got all that stuff. But like the coolest the
• 49:41
  Speaker 3: best thing, like the two best things, all right, from
• 49:46
  Speaker 3: getting sober is having like my family back and like
• 49:52
  Speaker 3: appreciating them and having them like, you know, like appreciate
• 49:57
  Speaker 3: me and like you know what I mean, just like
• 49:59
  Speaker 3: being like a family.
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah uh.
• 50:02
  Speaker 3: And then like I don't wake up every day and
• 50:06
  Speaker 3: like hate my fucking life and like fucking want to
• 50:10
  Speaker 3: kill myself.
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: And not be the first thought when you wake up, like,
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: oh I gotta go do this.
• 50:14
  Speaker 2: What am I gonna do. How am I gonna get
• 50:16
  Speaker 2: twenty tofu? Yeah? Who am I gonna scam today? Yeah?
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: No, I know that's I'm the same way. The material
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: stuff is whatever it's It's meaningful, but not as meaningful
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: as the inside stuff. And you know, things like our
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: family and our children and the people that we show
• 50:31
  Speaker 1: up for in life every single day. Can we share.
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: Uh, your wife her claim to fame?
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: Oh dude, show yes? So wait, start with when the
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: dude told you? When how you met her?
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: That's how you cut me off.
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: So wait, no, hold on. So to set the scene,
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: you were in a program and obviously single, had nothing,
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: and you were like, well, I want to share this
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: nothing that I have with a female because that makes sense.
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: So you said to somebody, hey, do you know any
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: girls that I could write? Well?
• 51:01
  Speaker 2: So he was.
• 51:02
  Speaker 3: He he was a friend of mine. I'd done like
• 51:05
  Speaker 3: a bunch of time with him, and then we ended
• 51:08
  Speaker 3: up in spectrum together and I moved him into the
• 51:10
  Speaker 3: room because I was stuck there like and definitely, so
• 51:14
  Speaker 3: I moved him into the room and he's like, oh,
• 51:16
  Speaker 3: my girlfriend's in a program and Lawrence and I was like,
• 51:19
  Speaker 3: no way, dude, Like I'm from out there, all right,
• 51:23
  Speaker 3: like I need to talk to a woman.
• 51:25
  Speaker 2: See if she's got a fucking friend that'll write me.
• 51:29
  Speaker 3: So he comes back and we were doing like the
• 51:35
  Speaker 3: fucking daytime wrap up.
• 51:37
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, and everybody goes around the program says how
• 51:40
  Speaker 4: their fucking day was, you know, and fucking it gets
• 51:44
  Speaker 4: to him and he's like, oh, my day was great,
• 51:46
  Speaker 4: you know, like I got my friend alan pen pal.
• 51:50
  Speaker 2: He can finally talk to a woman. And it's not
• 51:53
  Speaker 2: just it's not just a regular pen pal.
• 51:57
  Speaker 3: She's a movie star, you know. And and she's in Gone,
• 52:01
  Speaker 3: Baby Gone, dude, and.
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you were like, oh my Hollywood hair, I.
• 52:08
  Speaker 3: Came, Oh dude, my pupils turned into dollars signs.
• 52:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And the truth is she is in God Baby Gone. Yeah.
• 52:17
  Speaker 2: In the opening scenes she is. Did she ever tell
• 52:20
  Speaker 2: you how how they recruited her for that? Yes?
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: Yes, So if you if you can go on YouTube,
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: you can look it up Gone Baby Gone. On the
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: intro montage scene, they're showing like shots of Dorchester and
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: his wife Brooks from Dorchester and so there's a scene
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: where a young girl walks out into her porch and
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: just looks, and that's her she's in the movie. And
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: if you remember when ben Affleck was shooting Gone, Baby Gone,
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: and I think it was Gone, Baby Gone. He was
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: recruiting people off the street. That's how he got a
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: bunch of people to be in the movie, like drug addaches,
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: like real people from Dorchester. And that was her.
• 52:55
  Speaker 2: She was at her mother's house.
• 53:00
  Speaker 3: And fucking like losing her ship in the fucking streets.
• 53:05
  Speaker 3: He was yelling and screaming right like on some real
• 53:07
  Speaker 3: hood rat ship.
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: Ye all right, and uh.
• 53:11
  Speaker 3: Then gets in the car and speeds off right and
• 53:15
  Speaker 3: fucking ben Afflack comes out and he was.
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: Like, who that girl? I need her?
• 53:22
  Speaker 3: I need that girl, and so yeah, and so history
• 53:26
  Speaker 3: was made.
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: And he cracked her down and put her on the movie. Yeah, yeah,
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: she doesn't. She doesn't like to talk about it. But
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: when you told me that, I was like, that's not true.
• 53:36
  Speaker 2: What are you talking to? Nobody believes now. And then
• 53:38
  Speaker 2: I gotta pull up the fucking thing. Yeah. Her brothers
• 53:40
  Speaker 2: are in it too, right, Yeah, they're all in it.
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's crazy.
• 53:43
  Speaker 2: I know. I asked her, I go, did you get paid?
• 53:45
  Speaker 2: And she's like, I don't even remember.
• 53:47
  Speaker 3: She said she got some money, but her mother took
• 53:49
  Speaker 3: the check, cash the check, something.
• 53:50
  Speaker 2: Like oh okay, okay, okay. Yeah.
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: So Brooks obviously in recovery too. She's a dear friend
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: of my wife Jen's. Brook's actually a nursing school. Yeah,
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: like Mike White wife did. So my wife's kind of
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: like helping her navigate that. Both of them like to
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: Brook graduate high school. I know it, right, No, Jim,
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: my wife didn't either. My wife stopped going to school
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: in like the seventh or eighth grade, probably something similar
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: with Brooke. And it's actually really cool because you know,
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: Jen never thought she would go back to school. She
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: always wanted to be a nurse or work in healthcare,
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: but obviously she had a ged no education, like you know.
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: And then I went back to school and then she
• 54:27
  Speaker 1: was like, maybe this could be possible. And then she
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: started from the bottom and worked her way up. And
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: that's exactly where Brooke is. She's in nursing school.
• 54:35
  Speaker 2: Well, I mean, I don't know if you remember.
• 54:37
  Speaker 3: I mean this is right after Jen got licensed, you know,
• 54:39
  Speaker 3: and she was telling we were at the pool and
• 54:42
  Speaker 3: she was telling.
• 54:43
  Speaker 2: Brooke like, oh, you should go to nursing school. And
• 54:44
  Speaker 2: Brooke was like, I could never I can never do it. Yeah,
• 54:47
  Speaker 2: I'm not smart enough.
• 54:48
  Speaker 3: And it was her and Grace were like, you can
• 54:51
  Speaker 3: do it, like fucking anybody I did it, you know.
• 54:53
  Speaker 3: And then a couple fast forward a couple of years later,
• 54:55
  Speaker 3: she threw her hat and she's doing great with it,
• 54:57
  Speaker 3: yeah yep. And it's like it's like that's the cool
• 55:01
  Speaker 3: thing like about like getting your shit together, you know,
• 55:04
  Speaker 3: getting like soba, you know, because like.
• 55:09
  Speaker 2: You always have to just continually like strive for more.
• 55:12
  Speaker 3: You cannot settle because like fucking you're gonna be shutting
• 55:15
  Speaker 3: the door on some fucking opportunity.
• 55:17
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 55:17
  Speaker 3: And like I've said this to you like before, like
• 55:23
  Speaker 3: your consistency, like in the program was always like inspiring
• 55:27
  Speaker 3: both you and Jen, you know what I mean. And
• 55:29
  Speaker 3: it's like the two of you have always strived for
• 55:31
  Speaker 3: like more, you know, And.
• 55:35
  Speaker 2: We've talked about this before.
• 55:36
  Speaker 3: It's like as a plumber, I understand that water seeks
• 55:39
  Speaker 3: its own level, you know what I mean.
• 55:41
  Speaker 2: And that is one of the things.
• 55:43
  Speaker 3: That I like the most about like you and Jen
• 55:48
  Speaker 3: as well, is it's like you guys, you guys want
• 55:52
  Speaker 3: it all, you.
• 55:53
  Speaker 2: Know what I mean, and like.
• 55:56
  Speaker 3: Fucking you're gonna get there, you know what I mean.
• 55:58
  Speaker 3: And it's like, that's like what I want. Like we
• 56:01
  Speaker 3: both have the same like we were. Yeah, it's similar,
• 56:05
  Speaker 3: doesn't Drake say something like fucking like we walk the
• 56:08
  Speaker 3: same path but cut on different shoes.
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: See you look at you, mister music man quote and
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: hip hop.
• 56:14
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: No, but I know what you're saying. It's exactly. It's
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: very similar. And I think that sometimes people have this
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: misconception when they see look at my life and my
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: wife's life, and when they see things like, you know,
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: like I work on the radio and jensa nurse, and
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: we live in this nice house in a cul de
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: sac in Salem, New Hampshire, and I drive a BMW
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: and I have a sauna and a hot tub and
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: all this fucking material shit, which is all nice to have, okay,
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: but you have to you have to really look at
• 56:42
  Speaker 1: the work that we put in to get here, and
• 56:44
  Speaker 1: that we literally started from the bottom, just like you
• 56:46
  Speaker 1: and Brook. And it really is more so, it's not
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: so much to the fact of how cool it is
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: to have all this stuff. It's that anybody can get
• 56:55
  Speaker 1: this for sure. That's that's the message for sure, right,
• 56:58
  Speaker 1: And sometimes people see that stuff and they're like, oh,
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: look at you with your fucking high horse.
• 57:02
  Speaker 3: It's a fucking it's a ton of work, a lot
• 57:04
  Speaker 3: of work, A ton of work. Yeah, And it's like, dude,
• 57:07
  Speaker 3: I never ever I remember I put it on Facebook
• 57:11
  Speaker 3: years ago, and I remember that like you made a
• 57:13
  Speaker 3: call and I used to share it every year Thanksgiving
• 57:15
  Speaker 3: and you made a comment one year you were like,
• 57:18
  Speaker 3: I've already liked this, so I can't like it again,
• 57:21
  Speaker 3: but I'm gonna put this comment here.
• 57:23
  Speaker 2: And it was like a.
• 57:23
  Speaker 3: Picture of like fucking like two Block and fucking Wallpole,
• 57:27
  Speaker 3: you know, and like I got in love back the
• 57:30
  Speaker 3: other day before Thanksgiving, and like.
• 57:34
  Speaker 2: I made this fucking list.
• 57:35
  Speaker 3: I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me,
• 57:36
  Speaker 3: But like Upstate, like you'll eat like for Christmas and Thanksgiving. Uh,
• 57:42
  Speaker 3: you do like the big dinner like at lunchtime and
• 57:44
  Speaker 3: then they get like a fucking peanut butter and jelly
• 57:47
  Speaker 3: like at Danni and you fucking eat this bagged peanut
• 57:50
  Speaker 3: butter and jelly in.
• 57:51
  Speaker 2: Your fucking cell, right, and so like I ate my
• 57:54
  Speaker 2: fucking sandwich. And I was just like.
• 57:56
  Speaker 3: Disgusted with like how my fucking life had turned out, dude,
• 57:59
  Speaker 3: it's a fucking thirty years old, like had nothing, you know,
• 58:05
  Speaker 3: and like I made this fucking list to like the
• 58:07
  Speaker 3: shit that I wanted, all right, and it was stupid shit,
• 58:10
  Speaker 3: but I had no idea how the fuck I was
• 58:12
  Speaker 3: gonna get there, you know.
• 58:14
  Speaker 2: And it's so hard, like.
• 58:17
  Speaker 3: At the beginning, because there's so much that you want, dude,
• 58:22
  Speaker 3: and there's you want it now.
• 58:24
  Speaker 2: You want it fucking right now. There's so much that
• 58:26
  Speaker 2: you want, but there's all this shit in the way.
• 58:29
  Speaker 3: And it's like the license thing, so many people struggle with, Oh,
• 58:32
  Speaker 3: get my luck, I gotta get my license back. And
• 58:35
  Speaker 3: I remember that, like when I need to get my
• 58:37
  Speaker 3: license back, I needed to pay like fucking like twelve
• 58:40
  Speaker 3: hundred dollars, right, and it might as.
• 58:42
  Speaker 2: Well have been a fucking million dollars at the time,
• 58:46
  Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like twelve hundred dollars all right, Like, oh.
• 58:49
  Speaker 3: Am, I gonna come up with just fucking twelve hundred bucks.
• 58:53
  Speaker 3: And it's like, you know, it's all about like fucking
• 58:58
  Speaker 3: finding out solutions instead of and stuck into the problem.
• 59:01
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: It's like, well you look at you look at active addiction, right,
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: use you think about using drugs. We use drugs because
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: we got instant gratification. Right, That's that's what we chased.
• 59:13
  Speaker 1: We put something into our body, we got a failing,
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: we escaped ourselves.
• 59:17
  Speaker 2: That's what we wanted.
• 59:19
  Speaker 1: But things like you talked about, takes work and it
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: takes time, which is we don't like that. Addicts don't
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: like that. We want quick. We're obsessive and we're compulsive.
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: We want it now. So when you say to somebody, hey,
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: you can get all these things, you have to put
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: the work in and it's going to take time. You
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: got to hustle for a year before you get it,
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: what you know, and then like a lot of the
• 59:39
  Speaker 1: work that we do on ourselves. Okay, now this is
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: getting deeper into it. But you know there's a step
• 59:43
  Speaker 1: process that goes into recovery. And you know you probably
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: heard about these things, and when you write this stuff down,
• 59:49
  Speaker 1: you don't get an instant gratification. It comes later. So
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: all so, my point is all the good things in
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: life take time to get and it takes time to earn,
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: for sure, but then you appreciate the more for sure.
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: How many times, let me ask you this question, how
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: many times are you using drugs. Were you actually using
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: the substance, putting the substance into your body, but in
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 1: your mind you're not thinking about that substance. You're thinking
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 1: about the next one, yeah, all the time, right where
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna get the next one.
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 2: All the time. And it didn't really occur to me.
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 2: So it's like the Big Book.
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 3: I think the Big Book in the fucking na basis,
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 3: it's the same fucking thing, all right. It's just like
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 3: the basic text is like the cliff notes of the
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 3: Big Book because the Big Book was written in like
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 3: the fucking thirties. But like, I don't know, I like
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 3: the Big Book. I think the Big Book's all but
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 3: it's all good, but like the phenomenon of craving, right,
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 3: and it's like that is one. There's too many, a
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 3: thousands ever enough, you know, And like I never really
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 3: like understood, like all right, yeah, I get it, like
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 3: fucking like I'm just gonna get a habit, I'm gonna
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 3: keep using it. And it never really clicked to me
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 3: until like towards the end there, like right before I
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 3: took the bad overdose, because you're right, I would get
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 3: up in the morning like where the fuck am I
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 3: twenty bucks from right?
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 2: And I would get the twenty bucks and I.
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 3: Would get right and then it but like just get
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 3: me like normal.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 2: You know what I mean.
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 3: And then it would like right after that, it's like,
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 3: all right, dude, I just need twenty more dollars to
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 3: get to where I need to be. And I would
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 3: get that, and then it's like, oh, I waited till
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 3: I just need twenty more dollars I need to be
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 3: all right, And it was just like a constant fucking
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 3: chase for fucking twenty bucks, all like fucking like endlessly
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 3: the fucking hamster wheel.
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 2: Yep, yep.
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 1: And then and then it's very common that when the
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 1: end does come as painful as it is, party was
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: thankful and relieve that it's finally over. Oh dude, how
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 1: many times did that happen? Like, oh, you want to
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: hear a story, stop running your story.
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 2: So I was in I was getting high in Lawrence.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 1: You gotta talk into the mic.
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 2: Oh sorry, sorry, there you go. Should I do this?
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: No, not that close, but close when you start going
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: back like this.
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 2: So I was. So I was.
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 3: I was in Lawrence, over by the fucking baseball field, right, uh,
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 3: And I used to climb underneath the fence next to
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 3: the fucking little river.
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 2: There, and I used to fucking get high over there,
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 2: and uh, I like went out dead. I went out.
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 2: It's fucking brutally cold outside.
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 3: I go out and I wake up, and they got
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 3: all the taxis that line up there.
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 2: One of the taxis must have called and I fucking.
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 3: Hit people like hey, hey, and I get up and
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 3: it's fucking to Lawrence cops and I have warrants up
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 3: the ass dude, and I'm like, oh, thank god, thank god,
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 3: it's over all right, Like I can fucking I don't
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 3: have to worry about food or a place to fucking sleep.
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 2: It's fucking done.
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 3: And I get up and I crawl out from underneath
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 3: the fucking fence and they're like, what's your name.
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 2: I like, oh, my name's Alan Dohurst, Like where do
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 2: you live? And I was like I'm.
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 3: Homeless, and they just like both looked at each other
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 3: and they're like, all right, get the fuck out of here.
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 3: And I remember thinking like oh, no, no, all right,
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 3: but like I wasn't gonna like rat on myself and
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 3: be like, dude, I got Warrens, crazy Warrens they're all
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 3: over the place.
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, they kicked you loose, and so they let me,
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 3: they let me go, and I was like genuinely like
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 3: upset over it.
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it didn't stop me from am I.
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 1: Ron definitely did not, definitely did not. Okay, Wow, we're
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: in an hour. That might be the longest podcast for
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 1: the after show.
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 2: I'm a little long in the tooth something.
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you are, you are? Okay, So a couple of things.
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 1: I wanted to mention. Your mom, longtime listener, kissed one away.
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 2: Shut up, mom, Yeah, I shut up my mom. You
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 2: can mom. I met Billy Costa this morning.
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 3: All right, I didn't bring up that whole debacle from
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 3: when I was a child and we saw him in Peabody.
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 2: All right, I'll leave that to you. Oh yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 2: She would wait to me, dude.
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 3: She told me that because I was so young and cute,
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 3: we were gonna get we were he was gonna break
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 3: us off.
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 1: Oh because he was giving away something, right, yeah, Billy
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 1: everything He never did though. No, he doesn't give a shit.
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 1: I mean he's not a part of that. He just
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 1: shows up in hosts. He gets his check and he
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 1: leaves that's it. The other thing that we didn't talk
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 1: about is music, because you are a big music person. Yes, yeah,
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 1: very much. So you love all types of music, but
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 1: it's especially hardcore.
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 2: I like hardcore. I like underground music. I don't really
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 2: want to like pigeonhole, like my my taste.
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but you know what, but what's interesting about you is, yeah,
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 1: you love underground stuff. You love the Smiths. That's like
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 1: your all time favorite band. Shout out Stephen Morrissey.
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 2: Morrissey. Is his name Stephen Moore? Yeah, well that's what
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 2: I named my son after.
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 1: Oh no, shit, he's his name Stephen.
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 2: His name is Stephen Patrick, like Stephen Patrick morris See.
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 1: I always knew you loved Morrissey. But you do know
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 1: a lot about music in general. You do know a lot,
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 1: do do you? I drop Sometimes I'll drop things in
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 1: and you'll like, know it things about hip hop or
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 1: you know what I say, Yeah, Jerry, yeah, Buffalo stance,
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 1: all these weird facts. So you're a lot smarter than
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 1: you it on. But you do love hardcore?
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 2: Is it punk rock? Is that what it's called?
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 1: Hardcore? Punk?
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 2: Kind of kind of sort of it's just like yelling
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 2: and screaming in washing it's when the fuck you guys. Yeah,
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 2: it got a hold of punk rock. Yeah, exactly.
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 1: So Alan has been trying to get me to go
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 1: to a hardcore show for literally years. It's been a
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 1: lot because you go to a lot of shows a
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 1: bit because these shows are on every weekend. They're cheap, right,
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 1: like twenty bucks to get in, and you show me
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 1: videos you don't go into, like the marsh Bins. No,
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 1: but you just stand and stand back and watch the show,
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 1: watch the chaos. You watch the chaos. And so finally
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 1: I have agreed to go.
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 2: To a hardcore shown. It's coming in April. It's gonna
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 2: be a good one.
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you keep talking it up. It's called blood for
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 1: Blood for blood at the Middle East. So I've been
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 1: too many times for hip hop shows downstairs. Yeah, that's
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 1: where I met already, the Rugged man. You didn't know Alguments,
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 1: a rapper who I met there. That's a little funny story.
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I'm excited. I'm gonna go check it out.
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 2: I don't know what really to expect here.
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 1: I don't you know. I'm gonna stand back like.
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 3: We're not going anywhere up close to no, no way,
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 3: but you might go up calling.
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 2: Him radius playing. He's cool and like, I know, like
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 2: the words.
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 3: That's like when it gets fun, Like when you know
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 3: the words, that's when it gets like really fun when
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 3: you know the words.
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 2: Because remember we.
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 3: Were watching the video the other day. You're like, dude,
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 3: do they even sing? It's no, everybody's singing.
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 2: The whole crowd sings the song. Yeah, Like that's like
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 2: where it's like fun.
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 3: It's like everybody's just there, like you know, yelling and
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 3: people are jumping, like it's like you're in the ballpin
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 3: when you're a fucking kid.
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 1: You know, how happy are you that I agree to
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 1: go to a show sight d I know you.
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 2: I'm so pumped.
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 3: All right, Yeah, it's gonna that's gonna be fun. And
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 3: that's a big show. That show sold out.
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 1: And under a man, I know, we have another friend
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 1: of ours that wants to join and he can't even
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 1: get a ticket.
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 2: No, it's impossible, he's never going to I call him
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 2: a favorite hair a kiss. But I don't think they
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 2: got blood for blood ticks. I don't think, dude.
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 3: I think the reason why that show at the Middle
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 3: East sold out as fast as it did is because
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 3: like number one, it's a smaller it's small venue, all right,
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 3: but like number two, like they're from all they're from
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 3: Boston and like so I guarantee that fucking half of
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 3: those tickets are probably just getting comped out.
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 2: Anyways, Yeah, a lot of them. That's that's how it works.
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 2: But I'm excited.
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 1: I'm excited to go, and yeah, thanks for coming on, man,
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 1: well thanks for having me this. How could I not
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 1: you listened to the After Show?
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 3: I know you know it's now The real question is
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 3: is that are there other people that listener?
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 2: Am I the only one?
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of people that listen to the after Show? Yeah,
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 1: it's the After Show Army all right, Yeah, because I
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 1: think that, you know, obviously the Billion leads A Show
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 1: and the Maddie Show before that, a ton of listeners.
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: People listen to it, and I think that they like
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 1: the behind the scenes stuff and they like kind of
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 1: the more more raw look at the show.
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 3: I think that you've done a great job, like with
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 3: everything that's happened, and like I've told you this, right,
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 3: but I think that you've done like a great job
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 3: with like Navi getting all of these changes, all right,
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 3: and continuing this and continuing to have like substance behind it,
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 3: because even when you don't have people all right, like,
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 3: you still have substance behind it, you know, and it's
• 1:08:11
  Speaker 3: it's like it's difficult. You know, it's difficult. What you
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 3: do is difficult, Yeah, for sure.
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I just you know what I try to do,
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 1: progress forward.
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 2: Well, that's all you can do, right, never stop.
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 1: Learning, never stop learning, never ever ever. And I love
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 1: what I do. I'm super grateful and I'm grateful for
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 1: you for being a good friend because I will say
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 1: this about Alan, it's a dear friend of mine. Now
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 1: what you just heard him share for the past hour,
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 1: I think I don't know what's the over under on
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 1: the amount of fucks that were dropping. It was probably
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 1: one hundred maybe more, right, So, and you said it yourself, right,
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 1: this camouflage that you put on or whatever you know,
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 1: and the way that you talk. But I will say,
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 1: you know, I've met a lot of people in my life.
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 1: I have a lot of friends in my life, and
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 1: you are in the top five three. I don't even
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 1: know of people that I can depend on and friend
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 1: that will show up for other people. And that's a
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 1: great quality to have. Do you know what I mean,
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 1: that's just the name of the game. It's really it's
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 1: just loyalty and trust in another person.
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 1: It is something that's really hard to find these days,
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Someone that will show up
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 1: for you when needed, or be there or for whatever.
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 1: It's not even just fixing a plumbing thing in my house.
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 1: It's someone to talk to. It's it's somebody that you
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 1: just can trust a person. These are the people that
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 1: you want in your life for sure, because water seeks
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 1: its own level. As you said, that's it.
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 2: You are what you surround yourself with.
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 1: Right And if you come to my house, which you
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 1: know we joke about on the show all the time,
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 1: I always have people at my house. But every person
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 1: that you find in my house is.
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 2: Legit, except for the guy in the U haul truck.
• 1:09:47
  Speaker 1: The U haul truck guy that I called the cops
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 1: on not legit. If you miss what that is. That's
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 1: on the show today. All right, buddy, thank you for
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 1: coming on. Tell all your friends that you were on. Yeah, yeah,
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 1: you're my only friend. Oh, thank you. Yeah, well they
• 1:10:02
  Speaker 1: already know. Yeah, well, you gotta tell Brooke that she
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 1: was mentioned here.
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 2: She probably knows. I mean, like, okay, here she has
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 2: to movie star.
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 3: Well, I mean, Hollywood's probably gonna be beaten down our
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 3: door for another camera.
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there we go.
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 1: Anyway, tomorrow another podcast. I think The Power of Recovery
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 1: guys coming in. Not tomorrow, I think next week. I
• 1:10:22
  Speaker 1: have to double check that, but uh yeah, have a
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 1: great day everybody. And this was a long podcast, an
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 1: hour and ten minutes, so all I gotta say is thanks,