Latest / The Kevin Stone Podcast / #13 "Whatever Happened to the Girl Who Broke My Heart"

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#13 "Whatever Happened to the Girl Who Broke My Heart" · The Kevin Stone Podcast

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  Speaker 2: Were listening to the Kevinstone Podcast, broadcasting to you from
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  Speaker 2: an unknown location.
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  Speaker 1: Customized listening.
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  Speaker 2: Let's begin by cleaning those ears. Who am I? I'm
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  Speaker 2: a nobody. I just happened to have a camera and
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  Speaker 2: a microphone and an Internet connection, which makes me a superstar.
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  Speaker 2: There's vulnerable, there's vulnerable, there's vulnerable, there's a volat bitter
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  Speaker 2: split it out. I have beef anchelottas in the oven?
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  Speaker 2: What yes? And you made them? Or are they frozen?
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  Speaker 2: For they won't be frozen? In about thirty five minutes,
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  Speaker 2: welcome back to the Kevinstone Podcast, the show where we
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  Speaker 2: discuss life, memory mistakes and all the things your brain
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  Speaker 2: decides to bring up at completely inappropriate times. And today
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  Speaker 2: we're talking about something that may have happened ten years
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  Speaker 2: ago or twenty, maybe even thirty, but somehow your brain
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  Speaker 2: remembers it like it happened Tuesday afternoon. I'm talking about
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  Speaker 2: the girl in high school who rejected you and absolutely
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  Speaker 2: broke your heart. You know, the one. Don't act like
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  Speaker 2: you don't for me. Her name was all right, my
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  Speaker 2: producers over here freaking out on me. Apparently I'm not
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  Speaker 2: supposed to say her name on the air. All right, fine,
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  Speaker 2: let's just call her Jennifer. You're driving down the road
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  Speaker 2: mining your own business when suddenly an old song comes
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  Speaker 2: on the radio and boom, you're seventeen years old again,
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  Speaker 2: standing beside your locker, got terrible hair, wearing clothes that
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  Speaker 2: somebody should have legally prevented you from buying, and you're
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  Speaker 2: desperately trying to work up the courage to ask her out.
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  Speaker 2: And then you finally do, and she says you're really sweet,
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  Speaker 2: but uh oh, there it is. But nothing good has
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  Speaker 2: ever happened to a teenage boy after the phrase you're
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  Speaker 2: really sweet. But that's the teenage equivalent of hearing the
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  Speaker 2: doctor say, well we got your test results. You already
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  Speaker 2: know this isn't going to go where you hoped. The
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  Speaker 2: girl you thought you'd never get over at sixteen or seventeen,
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  Speaker 2: everything feels permanent. You don't think, well, this relationship didn't
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  Speaker 2: work out. I'll process these emotions, grow as an individual,
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  Speaker 2: and eventually meet somebody more compatible. No, you're seventeen. You're thinking,
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  Speaker 2: my life is over. There will never be another woman.
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  Speaker 2: Civilization might as well shut down. And the worst part,
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  Speaker 2: she probably had no idea how devastated you were. She's
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  Speaker 2: walking down the hallway talking to her friends. Meanwhile you're
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  Speaker 2: staring dramatically out the school bus window while some sad
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  Speaker 2: song plays through your headphones. You're basically starring in your
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  Speaker 2: own music video. Nobody else knows they're in it. Then
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  Speaker 2: life happens. But here's the interesting part. You survived. You graduated,
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  Speaker 2: you got jobs, you paid bills, you met other people,
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  Speaker 2: You had relationships. Maybe you got married, maybe you got divorced,
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  Speaker 2: maybe you had kids, maybe you changed careers. Maybe life
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  Speaker 2: kicked in the teeth a few times. And somehow along
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  Speaker 2: the way, that girl became nothing more than a memory
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  Speaker 2: tucked away in some dusty filing cabinet in your brain
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  Speaker 2: until one random Tuesday when your brain says, hey, Kevin,
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  Speaker 2: yeah you remember Jennifer from eleventh grade? No, remember when
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  Speaker 2: you asked her out. Please don't remember exactly what you said.
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  Speaker 2: I'm trying to drive here. Your brain doesn't care, because
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  Speaker 2: apparently your brain has unlimited storage space for teenage embarrassment,
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  Speaker 2: but absolutely no room for remembering why you walk into
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  Speaker 2: the kitchen. Why does it still bother us? Here's where
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  Speaker 2: things get a little deeper. Sometimes you're not really remembering her.
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  Speaker 2: You're remembering you, the younger version of yourself, the kid
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  Speaker 2: that was nervous, the kid who wanted somebody to like him,
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  Speaker 2: the kid who hadn't learned yet that rejection wasn't the
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  Speaker 2: end of the world. Maybe that's what hurts, because when
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  Speaker 2: you remember that girl, you're also remembering a version of
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  Speaker 2: yourself that doesn't exist anymore, and there's something bittersweet about that.
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  Speaker 2: You might not actually miss her. You might miss being seventeen.
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  Speaker 2: You might miss Friday night football games. You might miss
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  Speaker 2: cruising around with your friends. You might miss an entire
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  Speaker 2: Saturday with absolutely nothing to do. You might miss the
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  Speaker 2: time when your biggest problem was whether some girl liked you.
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  Speaker 2: Because adulthood eventually arives and says, oh, you thought that
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  Speaker 2: was a problem. That's adorable. Here's a mortgage, So what
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  Speaker 2: do you do with that memory? First, don't rewrite history.
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  Speaker 2: This is something we all do thirty years later. Suddenly
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  Speaker 2: she was the perfect girl. She was beautiful, funny, smart, wonderful,
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  Speaker 2: your soulmate. Hold on there, Romeo, you were sixteen, You
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  Speaker 2: barely knew what you wanted for lunch. Maybe she really
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  Speaker 2: was wonderful. But there's also a good chance you spent
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  Speaker 2: decades polishing that memory. Because memories aren't video recordings. They're stories,
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  Speaker 2: and every time we revisit them, we can change them
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  Speaker 2: just a little bit. Eventually, that girl who rejected you
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  Speaker 2: sophomore year becomes some mythical loss love. Meanwhile, the actual
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  Speaker 2: relationship probably would have lasted three weeks. She would have
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  Speaker 2: dumped you because you spent too much time with your friends.
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  Speaker 2: You'd have written something embarrassing in a notebook, and everybody
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  Speaker 2: would have moved on. We're going to take a quick break,
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  Speaker 2: and when we come back, we're going to discuss the
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  Speaker 2: most dangerous thing you can possibly do when we're remembering
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  Speaker 2: your high school crush, looking her up on social media.
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  Speaker 2: Oh yes, we're going there. Did you know that if
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  Speaker 2: you become a paid subscriber to this podcast, you'll get
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  Speaker 2: a commercial, free experience and exclusive content that nobody else gets.
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  Speaker 2: All right, we're back. So you've remembered her, and now
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  Speaker 2: curiosity enters the room. You wonder whatever happened to her?
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  Speaker 2: And unfortunately we live in an age where you can
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  Speaker 2: probably find out an approximately thirty seven seconds, you grab
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  Speaker 2: your phone, you tie up her name, and there she is.
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  Speaker 2: And now you've got a decision to make, because innocent
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  Speaker 2: curiosity can turn into a full FBI investigation remarkably quickly.
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  Speaker 2: Let's see, she moved to Texas in nineteen ninety eight, Kevin, stop,
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  Speaker 2: looks like she got married in two thousand and two.
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  Speaker 2: Kevin put the phone down. Interesting, they went to Cancun
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  Speaker 2: in twenty seventeen. You've officially gone too far. There's nothing
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  Speaker 2: necessarily wrong with wondering how somebody from your past is doing.
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  Speaker 2: That's human. But there's a difference between remembering somebody fondly
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  Speaker 2: and mentally moving back to nineteen eighty seven. Don't contact
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  Speaker 2: her expecting something. And here's another important point. Maybe you're
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  Speaker 2: tempted to message her sometimes that's perfectly innocent. Hey, us
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  Speaker 2: thinking about high school, wondering how you're doing. Fine, but
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  Speaker 2: examine your motives because if you're secretly hoping she's going
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  Speaker 2: to respond, Kevin, I've spent the last thirty five years
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  Speaker 2: realizing you were the one. I've got some bad news.
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  Speaker 2: This is in a Hallmark movie. And if either of
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  Speaker 2: you is married or in a relationship, those boundaries matter
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  Speaker 2: even more. A memory doesn't automatically need to become a reunion.
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  Speaker 2: Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do with the past
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  Speaker 2: is simply remember it, smile, shake your head, and leave
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  Speaker 2: it where it belongs. Maybe the rejection helped you. Here's
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  Speaker 2: something teenage you would have never believed that rejection may
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  Speaker 2: have actually been good for you, because rejection teaches you something.
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  Speaker 2: You don't always have to get picked. Not everybody is
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  Speaker 2: going to like you. Not everybody is going to understand you,
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  Speaker 2: and that's okay. It hurts, but eventually you learn something
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  Speaker 2: incredibly Freeing someone else's opinion of you isn't the final
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  Speaker 2: verdict on your value. At seventeen, you don't understand now
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  Speaker 2: if the girl you like doesn't like you back, you
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  Speaker 2: assume something must be wrong with you. You're not attractive enough,
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  Speaker 2: not good enough, not funny enough, not popular enough. But
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  Speaker 2: that's not necessarily true. Sometimes two people simply aren't meant
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  Speaker 2: for each other. That's life, and learning how to hear
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  Speaker 2: know without allowing it to destroy you is one of
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  Speaker 2: the most important lessons adulthood teaches. What would you tell
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  Speaker 2: that kid today? Here's something interesting to think about. Imagine
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  Speaker 2: you could walk back into your high school. You see
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  Speaker 2: your seventeen year old self sitting there after getting rejected, heartbroken, embarrassed,
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  Speaker 2: absolutely convinced life is over. What would you tell him?
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  Speaker 2: I'd probably say, buddy, you're going to be okay. You're
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  Speaker 2: going to meet other people. You're going to fall in
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  Speaker 2: love again. You're going to have your heart broken again.
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  Speaker 2: You're probably going to break somebody else's heart too. You're
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  Speaker 2: going to make mistakes, you're going to succeed, and you're
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  Speaker 2: going to fail. You're going to experience things you can't
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  Speaker 2: possibly imagine right now, and eventually you're going to look
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  Speaker 2: back at this moment and laugh, well mostly laugh, going
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  Speaker 2: to be that tiny part of you thinking, seriously, Jennifer,
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  Speaker 2: what was wrong with me? Hey, we're growing. I didn't
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  Speaker 2: say we were perfect. The real lesson. Maybe that's what
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  Speaker 2: those old heartbreaks are really for. They remind us how
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  Speaker 2: far we've traveled that kid thought one rejection was the
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  Speaker 2: biggest tragedy imaginable, But you know something he didn't. Life
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  Speaker 2: keeps going. That's something you can only learn by living it.
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  Speaker 2: People come into your life, people leave, some stay, some
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  Speaker 2: hurt you, some teach you. Some become memories, And occasionally
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  Speaker 2: one of those memories shows up unexpectedly because an old
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  Speaker 2: song comes on the radio. When that happens, don't be
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  Speaker 2: angry at the memory. Don't obsess over it either, just
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  Speaker 2: acknowledge it, maybe even smile, because that heartbreak became part
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  Speaker 2: of our story and apparently you survived. So wherever that
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  Speaker 2: girl from high school is today, I hope she's doing well. Seriously,
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  Speaker 2: I hope life has been good to her. And if
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  Speaker 2: she ever happens to hear this podcast, I'm totally over
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  Speaker 2: it completely. Haven't thought about it in years. This episode
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  Speaker 2: is purely hypothetical, obviously, although you could have at least
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  Speaker 2: gone to problem with me just saying this has been
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  Speaker 2: the Kevin Stone podcast. Sometimes life is about moving forward.
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  Speaker 2: Sometimes it's about looking back and realizing how much you've changed.
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  Speaker 2: Sometimes it's about finally admitting that the girl who broke
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  Speaker 2: your heart in high school probably wasn't your soulmate. She
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  Speaker 2: was just the first person who taught you that your
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  Speaker 2: heart could be broken and keep beating anyway. Until next time,
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  Speaker 2: I'm Kevin Stone. Take care of yourself, and whatever you do,
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  Speaker 2: don't send that Facebook for and request at two o'clock
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  Speaker 2: in the morning. Trust me, nothing good starts that way.
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  Speaker 2: This concludes a broadcast day, good night, and God bless America.