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#3- The Ever Elusive Work Life Balance · Badass Boy Mom. BABM.

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Bad Ass Boy Moms, hosted by Rachel and Megan Just us boy moms keeping it relatable but raw Sweet and spicy And messy but meaningful While educating the masses Entertaining the sasses And empowering The bad asses.
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Hey, Megan here.
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And Rachel.
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Today we're bringing you the ever-elusive work-life balance.
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I think it's the ever-elusive chasing of the work-life balance, as if it's out there, and I think we are here to tell you it's not.
You're never gonna find it, ladies.
We do have some tips and tricks to share with how we have tried to come close to striking that balance, but I think you said it, Megan, earlier, the reality is it's just life.
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This is just life.
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Mm-hmm.
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It- if you are a working mama, which, side note, do you know that they never say working dads? Hmm.
Anyway- they know that moms carry a lot of spinning plates, and so if you are a working mama, we're here to just share some tips and tricks on how to help at least feel some sense of, I don't know, maybe it's just validating it's, it's a struggle, validating it's real, but boiling it down to it's life.
We have to work.
We have kids.
We've gotta figure out how to do it all, and it's never gonna be perfect.
No, but we can do it.
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We are strong, capable, confident, badass women who can do it.
We can love well.
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We can work hard.
So like Rachel said, that's what we wanna share some tips and tricks on that.
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And a quick update, background for y'all, Megan here, I'm a nurse, have worked labor and delivery, recovery room, so post-anesthesia care unit, as well as med-surg and telemetry.
Typically have always worked 12-hour shifts, three 12-hour shifts.
I did do some nights.
I have done days.
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I've done on call.
I've done weekends.
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All that comes with lots of joy and lots of challenges, right? When you work the weekend, you miss the sports.
You miss the quality family time.
When you work days, you gotta figure out someone to take your kids to school, someone to pick them up, someone to get them to practice.
Who's making dinner? When you work nights, so great, 'cause everyone's sleeping but you.
So then you're worn out the next day trying to figure out how to rebalance life.
Lots to navigate there.
And then Rachel has her- extensive work history as well.
Yeah, so I think we're coming to you with, three different work experiences, Megan being a nurse, and I'd also add that, not only is Megan nursing for 12 hours, but she's also, like, y- your kids can't get a hold of you, right? It would be really hard to get a hold of you on the floor, 'cause you are all in, working with your patients.
But when you leave, you don't take any work home with you.
Like, you 100% taking care of yourself or taking care of your family, and so you have a different perspective of that work-life balance than me.
So I was a school social worker for 20 years, and mine was a Monday through Friday job, typically started at 7:30 in the morning, ended around 4:30, and sometimes my kids did call me at work or needed to get a hold of me.
However, a difference between our jobs was when I got home, sometimes it still trickled into I have to write a report, or if there was a crisis with a kid at school, they could get a hold of me at night, so that sometimes it did bleed into the evenings or the, the weekends However, I did have my weekends free, more or less.
When you work in the school system, sometimes you are part of school events in the evenings or weekends.
But our roles working outside of the home looked very different.
And in the last six years, I transitioned to being a real estate agent, of which sounds all dreamy and really flexible.
I did get times to set aside to actually bring my kids to a dentist appointment during the week, right? I couldn't do that when I was a full-time school social worker.
All of our appointments ended in the summer or on holiday breaks.
But as a real estate agent, I had a lot more flexibility, but with that came, more of a I'm on call with my clients from 8:00 AM till 8:00 PM.
Sometimes I'm writing a contract up until 10:00 PM at night.
My kids see me a lot more on my phone more than ever before.
And unfortunately, and I'll tell a tip or a trick here.
Unfortunately, my kids will say, "Oh, you're just playing on your phone."
And so I found what I had to do was tell them, "I'm responding to a client right now," or, "Give me two minutes, I have to answer this question from another agent."
So they knew that while looking at my phone, it wasn't I was playing games.
It wasn't that I was scrolling social media.
It was that I was literally working, and that helped them start to perceive my job differently.
I know my kid would say, "You were looking down at your phone when you were at my lacrosse game."
And I said, "You're right.
I was so happy to be there instead of in an office."
So sometimes I have to bring my work with me to be in two places at once, right? So I could watch the lacrosse game and still answer questions from my clients as opposed to being in an office for eight hours and missing those opportunities.
So with the flexibility also had to come a better understanding, to provide to my kids what I was doing when I was, quote, working, but I was also at their functions.
It happens in the car, too.
We'll be driving and a client will call me, and I'll put 'em on speakerphone and I'll say, "Hey, my 15-year-old's in the front seat."
So I didn't want them to say anything that they wouldn't want my 15-year-old to say or hear.
But then my 15-year-old would understand that this is, a 10-minute conversation I have to have with a client.
And we, we've had lots of conversations about what that looks like.
When mom has to work, and that other times I will let a call go or I won't respond to a text, and I create those boundaries, especially after 8:00 PM if a client calls me or texts me.
So that's kind of the different ways that we worked and had to strike some type of balance or understanding with our kids.
So- I'd say just on that note, including your kids in your work from time to time- Mm or seeing you work, I think it's been really important for my kids to, see me work or know what I do or, if we're driving and, "Oh, there's the hospital," or if I see a coworker out or explain, share more of my day with them and what I do.
So it's not this just kind of work, this word that's out there, this, "Oh, mom's gotta go to work, work."
I, it- when they know what you're doing, I feel like it really helps them be better kids, 'cause they know, what you're leaving them for, or what you're doing to provide for them, or what other interests you have, this thing you're interested in that you're putting your time and heart and energy into.
It's this, the thing.
It's not just work.
It's what work you are doing.
Yeah, they're watching us my little soapbox.
No, I love it.
No, they're watching us, and I think when opportunities arise, I know you did hospice work- Mm-hmm and you would bring your kids with you to rake the lawn of the gentleman, you were doing hospice care for.
And that gives them a true inside view of what you were doing to help others in your, quote, work.
As a school social worker, I brought my kids to, a food bank that I ran in the cafeteria of a, school in a really impoverished area, and they helped stock the shelves.
And they've seen me with kids with autism running small groups, and they've come to, quote, work with me.
As a real estate agent, they've even come along to showings, and they've sat in the, in the car while I'm- Mm showing a house, and I come back out, and they ask me about it so I agree, Megan, spot on, that they are watching us, but to include them in any way, shape, or form also helps them make sense of it.
And I don't know if your kids were like this, but early on when my kids were four, six, eight, they were like, "I wanna grow up and be a school social worker," 'cause it's really like the jobs they- learn about is that- Yeah, mm-hmm of their parents, right? So- Yeah, we have some tips and tricks that have worked for our situations over the years that we wanna, share with you.
And I think the first one is what we were just talking about, ways to connect with our kids.
Not only for them to experience what we're doing so they have a better understanding of what our work looks like and expectations from maybe our employers, our job expectations.
But, also ways to connect with them when we are not working I think are really, really important, mamas.
I think it's important that you find ways to put the phone down so you do spend some time talking to them about their day and how they're doing.
And sometimes it's the dinner table, right? Mm-hmm.
It's pretty common- Mm-hmm americana thing to do is have dinner together as a family.
And sometimes we're on the go and can't always sit down.
Sometimes it's bedtime.
In our previous episode, we talked about bedtime and connecting with our kids.
What are your thoughts about other connection points? I think bedtime's huge.
I think for me, not even for the kids having a routine, I think for me having a routine.
Because at the end of a 12-hour shift, say 14 if you're there, you gotta get there early and you stay late, and by the time you get home, for me, having the right mindset coming in after a long day of work is really important.
'Cause I am prone to lose my lid- and so if I know, like, okay, when I get home, what I need to do is tuck each kid in, and every kid gets to ask me three questions and I get to ask each kid three questions, It's just as important for them to know the routine and the standard practice, nursing lingo, standard practice, at the end of the day as for me, so I can be the best version of myself after a long day.
So I think good connecting point for me after nursing shifts, like they've already had dinner.
Hopefully, they've already bathed.
Hopefully, they're just kind of winding down.
And when I get home, I can tuck them in bed and just have that sweet, sweet point of connection.
And I love that, and I think routine's interwoven into so much of what we talk about that helps life be more predictable.
When there's a routine, your kids know that when you get home, they're looking forward to that connection point.
For me, my, my role as a social worker, I got home by 4:30 or 5:00, so our routine started early.
Yours sounds like it doesn't start till 8:00 or 9:00 when you get, roll in the door after a 12-hour shift.
And so for me, some of those connection points were when I picked them up from school and had time to check in with them and see how they did.
Of course, if it was during the summer, it got a little more wonkier because they weren't at school all day.
So the connection points when I was, again, when I was a school social worker, I had the summer off with them.
And it was a huge transition from when mom's not working to all of a sudden mom's back to work.
But as a real estate agent, now I just have connection points throughout the day when, thank goodness technology can be a blessing and a curse, but I can text them, "How is your day going? How are things going?" Mm-hmm.
Leave them audio messages, even video messages if I'm not around them to connect with them.
But you know, back to having the, the routines around bedtime, around dinners, even times that we're doing chores together or something where we're side by side.
If you haven't heard this before, boys do well with parallel play, playing next to each other.
Imagine playing cars or Legos or facing forward.
Dudes tend to connect when they're both at, let's just say, a sporting event, looking forward at the basketball game, chatting.
Women or girls connect more face to face.
So with daughters, it's more like how can we sit across from each other doing each other's nails or doing a craft and connecting, where boys, and I've seen this with my own kids, it's when we're shooting hoops, 'cause we're facing the hoop, or we're in the car and we're both facing forward where we have times to connect, joke, catch up, et cetera.
Absolutely.
I think just in your mind, having a plan and letting the kids know the plan.
I think a grocery plan, what day are the groceries ordered, or what day do we make it a family event that we all go to the grocery store.
I don't know, Thursday evenings, Sunday afternoon.
What days do we all do laundry? What chores are we all doing together? Just a, a plan because it is a lot.
We do a lot.
We have children.
We have sports.
We have musicals.
We have jobs.
We have staff events.
All these different things.
And so, gotta, you gotta keep the touchpoints with the kids and the families, frequent and intentional.
And I think, Megan, you keep weaving it back in there whether those that are listening hear it and feel it, but routine is so important.
And I think those routines around, like you said, when are we gonna go get groceries? 'Cause when we're working and we've, we're taking up 40 hours working a job, then when are the other hours gonna be a routine to get the laundry done, to go grocery shopping, whether it's the kids want something specific, they wanna be able to go to the playground.
Those things matter when you build them into a schedule so that they're predictable, but that they get done, right? Mm-hmm.
Otherwise, we're frantically behind the eight ball all week, and then on Friday the piles of laundry are huge, we're out of groceries, and everyone has all this homework that's built up for the week, right? Yep.
So, really trying to plan the week and the routines, like you said, that are just woven into our lives, right? This is not always the perfect work/life balance, but it's life, and trying to manage it day to day, as we have said multiple times, versus letting it all build up and, like, hit you in the face.
Mm-hmm.
That's where the stress comes in.
You just made me think of, collaborating with the kids.
One of the kids' chores is they do all the children's laundry.
So, I just need it done by Sunday night.
You figure out a time when you want to do it.
If your kid can't do laundry yet, like my youngest can't do laundry, but he needs to make sure all his socks, shirts, everything's the, the right way, that they are not inside out but they are the right side out.
That, that kid has to unload the silverware.
As moms, we are so capable.
We're almost overly competent, overly capable.
We just do everything.
And we have to delegate.
We have to empower them so that they become strong, young, capable and competent men.
We want that for them and their future and for their wives and their lives and their families, so we don't need to do it all.
We get to offload it.
We get to help them learn how to do things.
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, right? Yay.
I think this is the biggest takeaway, ladies.
Don't do it all.
You don't have to do it all.
You don't have to, have the spotless house, the elaborate meals.
You don't have to plan the parties to the Nth degree.
And if you heard it, Megan is delegating.
If you haven't heard this before, delegate.
Automate or eliminate.
Okay? So what that means is if there is a job that your kids can do, delegate it.
Have them pitch in.
Have them be a part of the solutions.
You don't have to be the only person who's making all the appointments, running all the errands, sending all the emails, planning all the parties, filling out all the forms.
You can delegate things to other adults in your, world or your kids.
I mean, I even have my kids text their friends saying, "Hey, can you give me a ride?" Instead of me having to be the one that arranges- Mm all the rides for everybody.
If you can automate something, we're talking about automating everything from maybe grocery deliveries to paying the bills online so you're not always in front of a computer, always having to run to do the grocery shopping, right? And then eliminate.
There are probably lots of things we really don't need to do.
Yep, less is more.
Less is more, ladies.
Less is more.
Like, what is something that, I don't even know if we realize what we eliminate, 'cause it's already gone.
'Cause I think other families might do something above and beyond where I'm like, "Ugh, I've never done that."
And I can't think of one right now, but is there something that you've just eliminated 'cause you're like, "That's silly.
I'm just spinning my wheels doing that"? Well, uh, what comes to mind right now is birthdays.
I remember my littlest, when he was turning one, and you're gonna have the first, the one-year-old birthday, and it's gonna be so great and so fun.
And it fell on, a Sunday the Broncos were playing.
So it was gonna be all my adult friends and if they had little one-year-olds too.
So it was a Broncos football watching party.
It was like wear Broncos gear.
It was just like, what can you combine? Oh my gosh, Megan, you're so good at that.
You are so good at that.
You're like, "We're all going to the pool anyway.
Let's just call it a party."
Yeah.
Yep, and Broncos is the football team here in Denver, Colorado, for all of, us non-football- Yeah followers.
But it's a big deal around here, so I love how Megan just said, "We're gonna make it the party."
And the kids don't even know the difference, right? No.
9 times out of 10- No we make it a bigger deal than they do, which I love that.
Simplify.
Less is more.
And you probably had an amazing time.
Yeah.
It was great.
It was so easy.
I love it.
So easy.
I love it.
And I think that self-care is so important when we are out working, 'cause we get exhausted.
I get exhausted by working with some clients or writing long contracts or back in the day of school social work it was hard kids that, had behavioral issues at school or teachers that were crying 'cause they were pulling their hair out.
And then you come home to a whole nother energy.
And your kids need you to be back in 100% mode, and sometimes we give them our leftovers.
Mm-hmm.
Oof.
That gave me chills.
Mm.
Sometimes we give our kids our leftovers, and it should be the other way around.
So how can you fill yourself up, have some self-care so that you have enough, in the bucket to give your kids when you walk in the door? Yeah.
Well- One thing I do now on my way home- Mm from my shift.
Give my mind and my heart and my soul a break and just find some, like, literal pump-up music to get home and keep rocking and rolling with my kids rather than, like, rushing home, like, light speed and not even thinking or planning mentally.
I'm driving with intention going home, but the intention is reset my mind to be able to be ready to jump in and care for my kids and love my kids and be the best version of myself.
Yeah.
We hear this, I think it's a buzzword, self-care.
And again, ChatGPT can be our best friend.
You can look up what are some things, let's just say, a school social worker can do for self-care after hours, or if you're a nurse, or if you're an accountant, or if you're a real estate agent, or if you drive a school bus.
Whatever your job is, throw some ideas into an AI machine and get a list of not only does music fill your soul, then sing loud in the car.
Do you need to listen to it to pump you up? Do you need to go home and take a walk before you walk in the door and start this new kind of, uh, I w- I don't wanna say it's a new life, but it's certainly a different change in energy when you walk in the door and start momming after working all day.
Do you need to exercise? Do you need to do something with, like, a hobby of yours? If, you have a certain hobby that fills your soul, that can fill you up, find those self-care items that are gonna do more for you than take from you.
I know that some of my biggest mistakes were I would jump in the car to go home from being a school social worker, and I am still thinking about work.
I'm still maybe making a phone call to a teacher, so I'm not even done.
And so when I walk in the door with my family, I have had zero time in between versus Megan alluded to, why not just literally turn it off in the parking lot? I'm done with that job.
I get in my car.
I listen to the music I want.
I listen to the podcast I want and/or I just listen to nothing.
Maybe there's some meditation.
Maybe there's prayer.
Maybe, there's just some type of self-reflection that gets you into a new mindset.
Maybe it's only a five-minute commute, and you don't have that long.
I remember when I worked, I had, like, 30, 40 minutes in the car.
Mm-hmm.
Um, some of us might even work from home.
So if you're working from home and you're in an office and you're about to open the door and be in the living room, what can you do to, again, prepare your family? I'm gonna go take a walk with the dog for 15 minutes before we start on the homework routine connect or play a game or start dinner.
But what are those, that we as, as working moms need to fill our bucket to go for the, second shift? Mm-hmm.
I think one is physically move your body, as you mentioned working from home.
When you're sitting at your desk- Or in a confined space, it gets a little mundane and then you walk out and you're bombarded by all this stuff.
If there's a way, jumping jacks, pushups, I don't know, some squats, some wall sits, just activate your body, thus it reactivates your mind- Mm-hmm um, rather than the screen almost help, like making your mind zone out and then you're hit by this whole whirlwind when you go out your door to your family.
Mm-hmm.
Um, I think there's a lot to be said for movement of our bodies.
And on the exact opposite is, I think, our culture, and I know Megan and I both feel this way, rest is seen as a reward.
Mm.
It is seen as a once I get everything done, once I have my entire to-do list checked off, I can rest.
And we don't put rest high enough on the priority list to say, "Actually, rest should come at a break- Yes in the middle of the morning, in the middle of the afternoon."
Maybe the rest is after that work shift where you say, "I need a 15-minute power nap."
Yes.
Or, "I just need time to read a book or literally sit still," because the job might be quite the opposite.
Maybe I'm a gym- Yeah teacher and all I do is move all day, and I just wanna sit down.
Maybe I work in a factory and I'm on my feet, or a bartender- Yeah or waitress and I'm like, "I just actually need 15 minutes to sit."
Yeah.
Quite the opposite.
Elevate your feet.
Yeah.
I used to elevate.
So ladies, please hear, rest is not a reward, it is a necessity.
And if you're anything like me, sometimes I can make the biggest badass list of all the things I need to do, and it's extensive, and it's long, and it like gets me excited.
And then it gets me overwhelmed 'cause I'm like, "I don't have time to rest.
I need to do the laundry, and I need to order the groceries, instead, I have boiled down my days to I feel good if I can do these three things.
Hmm.
Do tell.
I know.
My big things are movement.
I do need to get out and move.
Rest Mm Which, yes.
And that can also be like- Is that a nap? What does that mean? It means sometimes reading Or read or- I always use, I always used reading as a reward.
Once I'm done with my day, I can read a chapter from a book or I can whatever, and then I'd get so far behind I'd be mad at myself for never reading or- Mm wanting to read, or that was my hobby.
That was my interest, and I wasn't getting to it.
And so resting was one, reading was another, and then something that filled me up.
So whether it's I do wanna spend 15 minutes playing a board game with my kid, or whether it's I'm gonna meet my best friend Megan out for a glass of wine, I would do something that was for me but filled me up instead of depleted me.
Mm.
'Cause I think we spend that day looking at that to-do list of everything that's gonna deplete me.
Laundry does not fill me up.
Mm.
Grocery shopping does not fill me up.
So what can fill you up? So resting, doing something active, and something that fills me up.
And then when I see a list of three things, I'm like, "Oh, I can do that every day."
Yes.
"That's easy."
Yes.
Well, you are a better version of yourself when you're filled.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
And we are a better version of ourselves to our childrens, to our significant others, in our workplace.
Mm-hmm.
It's a lot to juggle, but it's so good and so rich.
I, again, I'm just gonna say it, Rachel, less is more.
Yeah.
Um, and don't think I don't do anything.
That comes from a lot of overcommitments- Yep overplanning, overachieving, dri- I mean, I have, I...
what do I have? 35,000 miles on my car, and I've had it 18 months.
I am always going, always going.
But I have just learned so much in the reality of less is more, of the whole concept that less is more.
Be- I get more time with my kids when I do less.
Mm-hmm.
I'm more engaged with them when I do less.
And I think, along that note, Megan, you also do something where you set your phone down for, an hour.
Don't even look at You're like, "I'm spending time with my kids."
Mm.
And you lock in because you have to balance that when you are going, going, going, you gotta balance it with the less phone time is better.
Yeah.
Oh.
Less- So good being engaged in social media is better.
And it's not to say those things are not great, right? Social media's a great way to connect with people.
Getting on your phone to call people and text people is great, but the less is more when you just set it aside, has reaped tenfold benefits- Yes on your life- Oh, it's been so good with your kids and connecting with them.
I think where we're really landing this is take care of yourself, ladies.
That's really gonna be huge in trying to strike this elusive work life balance.
Mm-hmm.
And your kids are watching.
They're watching how you set boundaries.
They're watching how you work hard but maybe play hard, and they're watching how you have to say no to some things in order to say- Mm-hmm yes to the other things.
That become our priorities.
What is important? Rest should be up there, but there's other things that are important, like spending that time connecting with my kid every day is more important than making sure the laundry's folded.
Yep.
Yep.
And so some things have to give.
One of my favorite quotes that I actually looked up who said it, 'cause I wanna give credit where credit is due, is that, "There's no one way to be a perfect mom, but a million ways to be a great mom."
And that's by the author Jill Churchill.
And I'll say it again, and you guys can tattoo it on your arms or wherever, but- Come on, ladies.
There's no one way to be a perfect mom, but there are a million ways to be a great mom, and I hope that you can filter your life through that lens.
And even as simple as we're trying to boil things down, just reflect on your day and just say, "What are three great things I did today?" Maybe it's the way you connected.
Maybe it's the way that you eliminated or delegated or simplified something on your list.
Maybe it was the way that you transitioned from work back into your home life.
Maybe you got up after hitting the snooze only once, not five times.
Love it.
I love it.
Let's give credit where credit's due.
I mean, come on.
Celebrate the little wins.
They don't all have to be big wins, right? Less is more can be a win.
Yeah.
Just take the pressure down.
Connect with the kids.
Connect with yourself.
I think being present and real is a win.
Absolutely.
I mean- Absolutely being a badass mom is a win, ladies.
'Cause we are all badass moms.
Give yourself credit.
We're doing it.
To recap, there's no perfect balance we're just doing life.
Include your kids in your work.
Build routines and connection points, bedtimes, check-ins, car rides.
Delegate, automate, or eliminate, and really prioritize self-care and transition rituals in between aspects of your life.
Transition from work to being fully present with your family.
All right, badass ladies, you got this To the masses And the sasses Keep being badasses