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SOBER TALK SA Highway_Heather · Sober Talk SA

• 0:00
  Welcome to Cyber Talk. I'm Dennis and I have lived the
• 0:07
  experience of alcoholic. If you know of anyone is
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  struggling with alcohol, please call Alcoholics Anonymous on
• 0:15
  1300 double 22222 or check out the website aaorg.org dot AU and
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  I'll just do the preamble of Alcoholics Anonymous.
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  Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who
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  share the experience, strengthen up with each other that they may
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  solve their common problems and help others to recover from
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  alcoholism. The only requirement for
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  membership is a desire to stop drinking.
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  We are no dues or fees for a membership.
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  We are self supporting through our own contributions, is not
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  allied with any sex denomination, politics or
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  organization, does not wish to engage in any controversy,
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  neither endorses or oppose any causes.
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  Our primary purpose is to stay sober and other Alcoholics
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  achieve sobriety. Hi, my name is Heather, I'm an
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  alcoholic and I've been asked to share my story today.
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  I always find it a little bit difficult about my story because
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  I guess I have two parts. I have the part, you know, when
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  I first was introduced to Alcoholics Anonymous, I was in
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  my early 30s and I moved to Cairns to start a new
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  relationship and had a, a breakdown And through through
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  that breakdown ended up in a psych ward and it was suggested
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  that I get some support. And so I was reading a book at
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  the time, Women Who Love too Much.
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  And part of at the back of the book, it suggested another
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  fellowship. And so I went along and there
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  was a girl there and she suggested that I come with her
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  to an AM meeting and, and to be honest, I think I went thinking
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  that I could help my partner at the time.
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  And anyway, I went to this meeting and there were three
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  young girls there who shared their story, you know, and
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  basically their story was, you know, what happened when they
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  drank, drank. And, and I identified with some
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  of that stuff and thought, oh, is there alcoholic?
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  Maybe I am too. And so for me at that time, I
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  think I had a suspicion, but at some point an IA member came up
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  to me and said, you know, Are you sure you're alcoholic?
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  Because I've never heard your story.
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  And it wasn't until I relapsed and I went back out that and and
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  came back in that I was able to say to him, the reason I never
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  remembered my story was because most of the time I would black
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  out and people would tell me what I did and I could not
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  believe I thought they were lying because that wasn't who I
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  thought I was. I thought I was this nice girl
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  that didn't do the things I did when I drank.
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  And so, you know, my guilt and shame was thought was that I
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  would just completely go into denial and didn't want to
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  believe that that that was the truth.
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  And but one of the things that happened when I did relapse and
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  what, you know, I picked up the drink was that they talk about
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  in a a that, you know, experience that ease and
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  comfort. And, you know, for me, being
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  sober, especially the first time was like doing time, you know, I
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  felt like I was trying to be something that I was.
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  It was impossible to be. I was trying not to drink, you
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  know. But I, you know, for me, part of
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  drinking alcoholism is having an obsession.
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  So although I was trying not to drink, I was obsessed in my mind
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  with thinking that maybe one day I could.
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  And, and so when when I finally picked up a drink, I
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  experienced, you know, that relief that came from drink from
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  alcohol and, and went on for nearly another nine years.
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  And, and most of that second time around was I would control
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  it. So and which was exhausting.
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  I was trying to control drinking.
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  And by this time I moved from Cairns to Townsville with three
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  young children. And, and then eventually my, my
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  kids were growing up and, and I didn't know, you know, like for
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  me, part of drinking was because I didn't know, didn't know how
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  to deal with myself as a parent because I wanted to be this
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  parent that, you know, got up and took her kids to school and
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  made the lunches and, and was the good mother.
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  But most of the time I found it exhausting.
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  I didn't, you know, like I didn't want to, I didn't want to
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  be looking after my kids, but I didn't want to be being, you
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  know, like the idea of being, say a housewife or something,
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  Just I, I didn't want to be it. I just wanted to be someone that
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  could go out and party and have a good time.
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  And so I resented, you know, I guess what was my idea of
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  normality? And so like I said, I eventually
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  picked up a drink. By this time, my kids were older
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  and some of my kids ended up, you know, that they were
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  starting to do those things themselves.
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  And, and at some point I moved back to Adelaide because it will
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  actually, one of my kids has come back to Adelaide.
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  And so I thought I'd come back to Adelaide and catch up with
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  her. And, and through that, I found
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  myself back in these rooms and it wasn't something I intended
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  to do. You know, I, I thought that I
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  tried sobriety and I tried a A and it didn't work.
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  But the thing for me was that my emotions and you know how I like
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  I was erratic and one of the things I'd learned is that, you
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  know, a A seemed to, to stop that.
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  So, you know, so I came back to a A and, and I, as I said, I
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  didn't really want to be here. I didn't, you know, I guess
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  after, you know, because I had had picked up a drink, that
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  obsession was really strong. And, you know, I didn't know
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  whether I could stop. I certainly didn't know whether
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  I could get any, you know, feel different.
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  And so I would just go to meetings and, you know, it's
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  just the next meeting. And, and when I wasn't doing
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  meetings, I, because I didn't know how to deal with free time,
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  I would walk a lot. I would try and find things to
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  keep me occupied and, and just kept doing meetings and, and I
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  did that for a while and, and I still didn't feel, I didn't feel
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  very different in some ways. And you know, I guess for me,
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  there was a lot of things from my past that I had to slowly
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  like I had to slowly thought out.
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  And you know, the problem with drinking is that, you know,
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  because I'm, I'm drinking and I'm behaving in ways that I
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  don't want to be behaving. I believe that I those things
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  kind of become emotional things that I've got to, you know, at
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  some point go back and revisit and deal with.
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  And, and so that took me a long time.
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  And yeah, so I, I guess what I'm saying is, you know, for a
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  while, that's all I did was I went to meetings.
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  But one of the things that like they talk about in a a is that
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  it's not just about meetings. There's a, a 12 step program,
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  which is the steps. And I, for me, the steps seem to
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  be like, I never really understood them, you know, and
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  definitely one of the problems with the steps is that they
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  talked about God. And because of my, my childhood
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  and the things that had happened in the past, the, the thought of
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  God just was like, I didn't want to borrow of it.
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  And I thought that it was a really, you know, somehow I
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  thought even though they said it wasn't a religious program, I
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  thought deep down that possibly it was.
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  And so I had a lot of problems with that.
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  But at about 13 years where I hadn't picked up a drink, but I
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  was still, I still had that obsession.
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  I was still, you know, constantly thinking, you know, I
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  still think about drinking and thinking that I was, it was
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  never going to be any different. I got to a place where I believe
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  that I completely got to that jumping off point where I had to
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  do something different. And, and some things happened at
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  that time. There was a guy in the
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  fellowship and he was coming to a meeting that I was coming to
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  and he would always share about being a recovered alcoholic.
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  And, and that, you know, the solution was in the book.
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  And I kind of, to be honest, I thought that if you, you were
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  recovered from alcohol that you could drink successfully.
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  You know, you could drink like normal people, but I could go
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  out and have a drink and nothing would happen.
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  But what I understand today is that, you know, we talk about
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  alcoholism as a seemingly seemingly hopeless condition of
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  mind, body and spirit. And, and I certainly was in that
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  place. And, and so, yeah, for me, the
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  steps became the solution where I was able to admit that, you
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  know, I can't do this on my own because I, I guess because
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  again, because of where I'd come from, I had a lot of resentments
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  and a lot of, you know, ideas about being dependent on
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  anybody. I thought that dependence meant
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  that I was needy and I was weak and, and those were all the
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  things I thought about myself and I thought they were a bad
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  thing. And I didn't want to be like
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  that. I wanted to be a really, you
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  know, like, I suppose growing up in the 80s, nineties, it was all
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  about women's live and being a strong independent woman that
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  doesn't need anybody. And so to reconcile that and
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  learn to, for me to become dependent on, on God, who I,
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  which is what I believe today is that that just seems completely
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  I, I, I sort of say almost like it felt like someone kicking me
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  in the gut of me coming out fighting because I found that
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  just, I can't think of the word, but you know, I was repulsed by
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  it. And, and today that's different.
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  Like I, you know, I don't see a, a as religious.
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  I just see that as, you know, that I don't have to do this
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  stuff on my own, that I have, have something that looks after
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  me and takes care of me. And, and my life today is, is so
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  different. You know, like the things that
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  I've gone through in recovery have at times been scary.
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  I mean, I've had kids in active addiction and I've had to, you
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  know, let go of them, like let go of trying to make them
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  different or want them to be different.
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  And, and yet, you know, today my kids are all doing really well
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  and they've been able to turn their lives around through.
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  No, really not much help from me in the past.
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  I mean, I helped them today. But, you know, at times it's
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  just being able to trust in something that, again, I, you
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  know, I don't actually understand, but it gives me
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  comfort and. And yeah, you know, I was the
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  person that did not like I, I didn't like who I was.
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  You know, like I grew up always fantasizing about being somebody
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  different. You know, like, if only I was
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  rich or if only I was better looking or, you know, a
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  different weight or, you know, which I, I, today I understand
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  as those were all the external things that I thought that if
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  those things were different, then I would be happy.
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  And today I, I understand that happiness is just a byproduct of
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  being OK with who I am. And, and, and, you know, I, I'm
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  OK with who I am today. I, I don't need things to be
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  different. You know, and I, I mean, I'm not
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  rich and I'm OK, but because my richness is not about finances.
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  It's about, you know, the love of my grandchildren, living in
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  a, in a country that is relatively safe and I feel safe,
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  you know, having really good friends that I'm, you know, that
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  they call me out of the blue. I've been able to travel all
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  around Australia at times. I mean, I've travelled up the
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  middle of Australia on my own with nobody.
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  And, you know, those things, especially when I was drinking,
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  would have terrified me. And I, you know, I'm like, I, I
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  was traveling up one year and you know, like things happen,
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  you know, but I'm always like, someone will help me out or, you
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  know, like, I never feel like I'm less stranded.
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  And, you know, I mean, I, I was the person that was always, like
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  I said, wanting things to be different.
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  And today, yeah, definitely my life is full of gratitude.
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  You know, I'm grateful that my kids are clean today.
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  I'm, I'm grateful I don't have to worry about my kids.
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  I'm, I'm certainly grateful that I have, you know, these
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  beautiful grandchildren that just love me unconditionally.
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  And, you know, I'm, I'm grateful at the moment.
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  I've, I've got a friend that's just offered me a little granny
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  flat down at Port Wilonga, you know, somewhere where I, I've
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  always kind of wanted to live, you know, close to the beach.
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  So I'm, I, as I said, I'm always taken care of.
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  I've always find that, you know, sometimes I, there's a member,
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  you know, passed away, but he always said that for him, a good
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  thoughts, a prayer. And sometimes I find that, you
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  know, like, I find that I might think something just, you know,
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  might be something that I can keep kind of putting out there.
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  And all of a sudden it happens. And I think, wow, how did that
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  happen? And for me, that's my higher
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  power, you know, that's God. And I so for me, that's how I
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  give my thanks, you know, that. And that's what works for me,
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  might not work for anybody else, but that, you know, and I think
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  that's the thing for me has been finding, you know, finding out
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  what works for me. I mean, there's a lot of people
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  that, you know, like, I don't think that a a has to be for
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  everybody. I mean, some people find, you
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  know, find they'll they can change their life in religion,
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  in in therapy, you know, it's what works for the individual
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  and for me, this is what's worked.
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  And so, you know, part of my gratitude, it definitely is
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  towards, you know, a A and, and the founding members that, you
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  know, a couple of guys that, who, who definitely struggled to
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  get sober. And even their story is, is one
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  of just, you know, being in the right place at the right time.
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  And, and through, you know, and one person, through one of the
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  guys, basically the reason he helped the other guy was because
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  he just didn't want to drink. And so the only way he could not
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  drink that day was to go and help someone else.
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  And that's part of our philosophy is to, you know, give
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  back what has been given to us, you know, and that, I mean,
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  that's why I'm, I'm doing what I'm doing today.
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  You know, I, I mean, it's out of my comfort zone.
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  It's not something that I, you know, I feel like I can, I'm,
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  I'm, I mean, I'm not, you know, anybody that feels quite this
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  stuff easy to talk about or, or your, you know, especially, you
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  know, to get on the radio and do it.
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  But yeah, but I feel like, you know, whatever I can do, if that
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  helps someone else out there, you know, my, my, you know, one
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  of the things we have in, in a a is sponsors.
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  And my very first sponsor, you know, years ago said to me, if I
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  can help one person, my life has not been in vain.
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  And I always think, well, she helped me.
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  So, you know, that is that's what it's all about is passing
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  it on. I guess my role today is just
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  just to be 1 of many. I mean, a A is not about, you
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  know, we don't, we don't sort of well, I, I don't, it's not, it's
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  not like a, you know, you move up it up up sort of through the
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  ranks or anything. But what, like I said, part of
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  my role today, I mean, when I got first got sober, going to a
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  a was about not drinking. You know, I did not want to
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  drink. I was scared of that I might.
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  And so I would go because I needed that today.
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  Part of my role in A A is to help the newcomer, is to show
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  that this program works, to show that, you know, you can you can
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  get sober. It's to show that no matter what
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  happens, you know, I mean, people die, you know, kids pick
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  up, you know, bad things happen to good people and, and, and you
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  know, so there's a lot of things that can happen that a lot of
• 18:24
  people feel they can't cope with those situations.
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  So my, I guess part of my role is to say that, you know, you
• 18:32
  can, you can stay sober even though, you know, some terrible
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  things can happen. I, I support other women, you
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  know, I mean, I've been through relationship breakups.
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  I, you know, like I've said, I've travelled a lot so I can
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  support people to take risks and, and try different things.
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  And yeah, so I guess that's part of my role.
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  Part of it was when I was living in Cairns and my first, you
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  know, when I first got sober the first time and my kids were
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  really little, you know, Cairns been so transit, you know, there
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  were a lot of people going backwards and forwards or moving
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  all over Australia really. And I always thought wouldn't it
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  be good to be able to drive from Cairns back to Adelaide to see
• 19:24
  my family, but the idea just petrified me.
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  And so, you know, latest down the track, one of the good
• 19:34
  things about a A is we have tagalong.
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  So basically there are a lot of people that during the year will
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  meet up at, at a different, at different places.
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  And we go, you know, we'll travel around for a few months.
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  We, we'll pull up at night, we'll do meetings around
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  campfires and some of those tagalongs will go to towns where
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  a a is there isn't any a A and do public relations.
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  So we'll have a like a public meeting where we invite doc, you
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  know, whoever is interested in coming along and sort of
• 20:11
  spreading the words. That way.
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  And so, yeah, I was doing a few of those.
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  And that's one of the ways that Dennis and I became friends was
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  that, you know, one of the times I was travelling back and I was
• 20:26
  really scared to come back on my own.
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  And he just happened to be having to come back as well.
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  And he followed me all the way back to Adelaide, which I was,
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  you know, that for me was kind of almost unheard of that
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  someone cared enough to, you know, just make sure you got
• 20:41
  home safely. And.
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  And so then, yeah, the next time I was determined to like, I
• 20:50
  traveled with other members, but when I got to Cairns, I decided
• 20:54
  to drive from Cairns back to Adelaide on my own just to see
• 20:58
  if I could do it, which I did. And then the next year I was
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  meeting up with friends, but some stuff happened and in the
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  end I just decided I'm going on my own.
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  So I drove basically from Adelaide up up the guts to
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  Lightning Ridge. And then I had to meet my
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  daughter in Cairns. So I drove from Lightning Ridge
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  up to Cairns through the middle and I, I was just doing it, you
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  know, because I had to do it for the thing.
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  I wasn't really thinking about whether it was faith or
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  whatever, but you know, because once I got to Cairns I was like,
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  oh, I did that. But the problem is I would do it
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  all the time. But I, I got 3 kids here who
• 21:41
  have decided that they want mum here and my grandkids don't like
• 21:45
  me going too far. So at the moment I'm having to
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  sit still. And like I said, I mean, I've
• 21:51
  sort of been just moving from kids house to kids house
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  supporting them. But I've just had this
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  opportunity to get, get this new place and be on my own.
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  So I'm going to try that for a little while.
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  So we'll see how we go. You've obviously got lots of
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  stories on your travels. And, yeah, a bit like you, you
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  know, Alcoholics Anonymous gives you a life beyond your wildest
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  dreams. And some of the things that
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  happened to us and some of the coincidences are just
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  unbelievable. But none of it would have
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  happened, of course, if we we hadn't become members of
• 22:31
  Alcoholics Anonymous. Well.
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  Absolutely. And the fellowship, you know,
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  and just touching on what you were saying about the word God
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  in the programme as we try to emphasize the fact that it's not
• 22:45
  a religious programme, it's a spiritual programme.
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  And I think some of the things you talked about, you know, in
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  your in your, in your share is that you just touched on the
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  spiritual side and the goodness and things that are in people
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  that we can connect with. And, and that's what we have in
• 23:06
  Alcoholics known as we have a connection.
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  So thanks for sharing with us today.
• 23:12
  No worries, Dennis. Thank you for asking me.
• 23:14
  No worries. Welcome back.
• 23:18
  We have a number of local meetings in the area.
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  There's a meeting every night in the in this in the Salisbury
• 23:28
  area. There's one Monday night meeting
• 23:31
  at Gawler at 8:00 PM Tuesday, Elizabeth E at 8:00 PM
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  Wednesday, Elizabeth E at 8:00 PM, Thursday at 2 Wells at 8:00
• 23:41
  PM, Friday in Salisbury at 8:00 PM, Saturday at Devron Park at
• 23:47
  12:00, Sunday in Salisbury at 7:00 PM.
• 23:52
  And for further details of your local meetings, please call 1300
• 23:57
  Double 22222. Once again, it's up to anyone
• 24:01
  you know struggling with the alcohol issues.
• 24:04
  Please call Alcoholics Anonymous on 1300 Double 22222 or check
• 24:10
  out their website ata.org dot AU.