Latest / Brett Keane and Eve Show / Brett Keane Personal Life | Night Terrors Nightmares Dreams Sleepwalking Abandonment

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Brett Keane Personal Life | Night Terrors Nightmares Dreams Sleepwalking Abandonment · Brett Keane and Eve Show

0:51
Well, hello ladies and gentlemen.
0:53
My name is Brett Keen from GOD TV Radio.
0:56
This is the Brett Keen show that you were watching and listening
1:00
whenever you get an. Check out my international radio
1:04
station and also you can go to the front of my YouTube channel
1:09
and check out my store. Has merchandise like posters my
1:15
book? I don't know if any of you out
1:18
there actually read the Afterlife simulation.
1:20
I know a lot of my friends have out there and a few fans, and
1:24
you said some pretty nice cool things about it.
1:27
I appreciate it. But you can check out my shirts
1:30
and merchandise and all that right on the front of my YouTube
1:33
channel. And make sure that if you have
1:35
Twitter or Facebook or any of these social media sites, feel
1:39
free to share my content with your friends and let them know.
1:43
Hey, this Bright King guy, He's pretty cool.
1:47
I'll be doing some more Starfield videos.
1:49
I just got done watching ATTOR Video where yet another atheist,
1:55
popular atheist became a Christian.
1:57
And that's really cool. I've been noticing that a lot
2:00
lately. There, it doesn't feel like it
2:03
used to be on YouTube, where it was Atheist against Christian
2:06
anymore. A lot of atheists that are
2:09
coming out are taking things more seriously.
2:11
A lot of the older atheists are. Starting to see the validity and
2:17
at least the concept of God. Not so much religion, but the
2:21
belief in God. And to be honest with you, and
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this may surprise some of you, but I was never out to convince
2:31
people what religion was correct or true or right, even though
2:35
I'm convinced Christianity is true.
2:39
More true than the other ones. I still believe that there's a
2:42
lot of philosophy and a lot of truths that can be found on many
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different roads. And no, I'm not a universalist.
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I just believe that God is not a narrow deity where he just
2:55
exists on one plane of reality. I think that God has because of
3:00
his nature of loving all of us. I believe that he's interacted
3:04
with Muslims, Pagans, Jews. And you know the mean that they
3:09
have for Brett Keene, basically God's out there for everybody,
3:13
including atheist. And I've met a lot of atheists
3:16
out there who've claimed to have seen ghosts, claimed to have had
3:20
spiritual experiences, claimed to have enlightenment to
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transcend this world, all kinds of different things.
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And they were dead serious about it.
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They weren't joking. Well, as many of you know I.
3:36
Put up a a poll on my community page.
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I asked people questions there because I'm trying to get an
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idea of what people enjoy watching the most out of my
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content, and people said that they like it whenever I talk
3:52
about God and atheism. They said they like it when I
3:55
talk about entertainment and video games.
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But for some reason, a lot of you out there are mostly
4:01
interested in my personal life. And to be honest with you, I.
4:06
I guess I've had a very unusual experience growing up.
4:12
I suppose that some of my stories, some people can relate
4:16
to and some people find unusual. I suppose some people like to
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know about other people's personal life because they want
4:26
to understand the nature of the person, why the person is the
4:29
way they are, and that's fine. I used to talk about my personal
4:37
life a lot in the past, but I felt like people were using my
4:42
personal life in order to cause drama or aggravate.
4:47
Because I've always been honest with a lot of you.
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I've always said, look, this was something that was very painful
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for me if I talked about a tragedy or a loss or someone
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dying in my life. You know, these were things that
5:02
basically broke my heart, or they hurt me and then people out
5:06
there, for whatever reason, my haters, is that, yeah, I guess
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they call them people who don't like your content or don't like
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you as a person decide they want to take your most weakest points
5:18
and then kick you while you're down.
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Honestly, I don't understand that kind of behavior.
5:25
I have never in my entire life watched an atheist video or a
5:29
religious person where they talked about losing someone in
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their life or having some painful moment.
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Or perhaps they were raped or they were sexually assaulted or
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they were lost, someone extremely important in their
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life. Have I ever had like this desire
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inside my mind that? I need to make a video laughing
5:54
at them or making fun of them. In fact, there's a lot of people
5:59
out there that I didn't like. People that annoyed me, people
6:05
that I thought were cruel and terrible.
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And then they would have that moment where they'd make a video
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talking about themselves or sharing some loss or tragedy
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that happened in their life. And it changed my entire
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perspective on them. It made me say oh.
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This is a real person. This isn't just some sociopath
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who's cruel. This is someone who has hurt,
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and in that way I've been able to relate with them.
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And maybe that's why some people like hearing my personal
6:34
stories. Maybe it helps you understand me
6:38
better and you have a bad outlook or perspective of me.
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Or maybe you're a good person who just wants to understand how
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I got to be the way I am today. And that's fine.
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Well, I guess we should start out the personal story with
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something that was very major to me whenever I was a kid.
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That's usually the kind of stories you like to hear.
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You guys like to hear about things that I went through or
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things that I experienced and then how I dealt with it, that I
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find a solution, that kind of stuff.
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One of the most major issues in my life, and I haven't talked
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much about this, I've shared a lot of things, but I didn't talk
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a lot about this, was I used to have what is referred to as
7:26
night terrors whenever I was a child.
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Night terrors or something. It's basically a sleeping
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disorder. It causes it to where you could
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find yourself sleepwalking or waking up suddenly and screaming
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and yelling on top of your lungs.
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Or you could start swinging at things or have outburst.
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Unfortunately for me, I had this happen a couple times while I
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was actually in school and this caused a lot of problems
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whenever I was growing up. Unfortunately, because I was
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having so many nightmares, I wasn't getting a lot of sleep,
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so sometimes when I went to school.
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I would fall asleep in the middle of class and back then
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they didn't have good air conditioning or good heating
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systems, so it could get really hot during, you know, when it's
8:24
getting closer to summertime. And it would make you very calm
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and very, you know, sleepy. So I would end up falling asleep
8:33
in Class A couple times and. I want you to all realize that
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this wasn't like a consistent habit of mine.
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I didn't like the idea of falling asleep in a classroom.
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I enjoyed learning as much as I could and listening to the
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teacher. I actually liked school.
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I actually liked learning shit and I was making very good
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grades, but there were a couple times where I fell asleep
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because I hadn't slept prior or the night before.
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And I ended up doing my sleep right then and there in the
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middle of class, and then I'd have a night there.
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So you got to imagine what it's like having 30 kids in a
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classroom and suddenly somebody jumps up and starts screaming
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and yelling and all that. Like a kind of like a if you
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could envision if you've ever seen the movie Nightmare on Elm
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Street, where Nancy's late, you know, sitting on their desk and.
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She has this really vivid dream of Freddy Krueger and then wakes
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up screaming and yelling and slamming her desk.
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Well, of course that's going to stun and astonish and shock the
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hell out of a lot of students. They don't know what the fuck's
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going on. Suddenly someone just starts
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screaming and yelling and going loon tune, right?
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Well, because of this I ended up having the The teacher ended up
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having me go to the principal. And I ended up having some kind
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of what is called teachers meeting between my mother.
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My father never showed up to these things.
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My father never really got involved in anything out into a
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school. And in fact when we were at home
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he wasn't around. So we didn't do things like a
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normal family where mom and dad sat down, discussed you know,
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their kids issues or problems and blah blah blah.
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My mother only came to the school because the teachers
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basically told her that she had to.
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She wouldn't. She wasn't one of these type of
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people that volunteered cookies and cupcakes and shell like my
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wife does. The only if she had to or it was
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going to cause some kind of aggravation and I suppose it
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happened too many times. They expected to talk to my mom
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so during this time. While I was a young person, this
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was back in the 80s. Back then, during the 80s,
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doctors were really heavy and experimental drugs.
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They wanted to do lithium. They wanted to do.
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Drugs that stop you from hyperactivity, attention deficit
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disorder, everything had a diagnosis and it was.
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It became well known by the end of the 90s that.
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A lot of kids were diagnosed with things that they didn't
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actually have, but doctors would prescribe drugs like candy and
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shit. Well, they're in the 80s.
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It was the worst. It was where they didn't even
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care at that point. They were just doing it and
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doing it. And it wasn't until the 90s when
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those same kids grew up and you got to see how fucked up the
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medicine affected them, if that makes sense.
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Yeah, it was a big problem with the medical field back then.
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They just wanted to test, test, test.
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And I suppose you could make the argument that nowadays they kind
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of do that whenever it comes to vaccines, right?
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They just want to, you know, make some soup up in a fucking
12:05
lab real quick and then try it out on you like you're a Guinea
12:08
pig. But we won't get too far into
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that, because I don't want to lose my YouTube channel over
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pointing out fucking actual facts about shit.
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Let's just get back to my personal story.
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So they wanted to do all this shit, and unfortunately, a lot
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of the pills they wanted to do actually caused me to be more
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sleepy. So I had more incidences where I
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was sleeping more whenever I was at home, as well as also found
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myself like that in the classroom.
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And it's interesting, because even though all this shit was
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experimental, you pretty much knew that.
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It was going to just cause problems to be worse.
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You're going to sleep more. And it's kind of like Nightmare
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on Elm Street a little bit. The idea is, is that going to
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sleep? Means that you're going to have
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dreams, and then the dreams could possibly be nightmares
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that end up amplified into. What is referred to as the Night
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terror. So basically they were putting
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you in a sleep like state where you were going to experience
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more bad shit. Well, because obviously the
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medicine didn't work as they wanted, they wanted to start
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sending me to. Counselors weren't good enough,
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so they started wanting to send me to like a psychiatrist.
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And I remember going to the psychiatrist who was an older
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man who was smoking a cigar Back then.
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People were able to smoke in restaurants, psychiatrist was
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able to smoke a cigar in his office, and nobody was bitching
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and whining about smoke detectors and all that kind of
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shit. A lot of things have changed
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about society since my day. People used to be able to walk
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around and fucking hospitals and buildings and shit and be able
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to smoke, but somebody got the bright idea that, hey, you know,
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secondhand smoke or drinking too much coffee or doing this and
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shit. I can't tell you how many things
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I've seen change from the point of the 70s to now.
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There's just so much radical differences.
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I feel like I'm living in an alien world sometimes.
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If you're a young person, to you everything is fine.
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But I literally grew up. I got to see what DHS tapes look
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like. I got to see cassette tapes go
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from cassette tapes to C D's. I got to see C D's turn into Blu
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rays. I got to see Blu rays turn into
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social media and live streaming and shit.
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And I feel like I'm like a fucking elder or something
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because of that. It's weird because I'm 46 years
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old and I feel like I'm much older than what I should be,
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because I've literally seen technology and so many things
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explode in just the last couple decades that just simply didn't
15:10
exist before. I've often wondered, did we
15:13
catch some aliens? Did some aliens like land on the
15:18
Earth or crash, and then a bunch of scientists took their
15:21
technology from them in a lab or a hangar or something?
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And then that's the reason why technology just blew up, because
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we learned so much from some kind of alien interaction,
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whether they were dead or alive. That's foolish.
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I know it's crazy, but some people actually think that.
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Some people believe that. But I've I've wondered about it.
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So I ended up having to go to a psychiatrist about the night
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terrors. And one of the things that it
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wasn't, how do I put this? I had dreams where things were
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following me. I had dreams were of what you
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would imagine to be demons or monsters and shit like that.
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But that wasn't really what was scaring me.
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I know that's odd, right? It wasn't the idea of demons or
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monsters or something trying to pull me down into hell and my
16:19
dreams. That was scary to me.
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What was really scaring me was when I was seeing like a loved
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one or someone I cared about being hurt.
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If something was happening to me, like if a bunch of hell
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raisers showed up and start ripping me apart, you know, like
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the movie. That didn't bother me.
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It was like, yeah, So what? It's like I knew I was in a
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dream and I was able to deal with that, but I wasn't able to
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deal with. What the psychiatrist referred
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to as abandonment issues or the loss of other people.
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It's like you can make me suffer all day.
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You could hurt me, you could kill me, You could, you know,
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mutilate me. But don't don't show me like
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something where you're taking someone I love away.
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Don't make it to where when I wake up and I.
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That's one of the weird things I had to in my night terrors.
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Sometimes they seem so vivid, so lucid, so real, that I couldn't
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tell that I was asleep Sometimes.
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Sometimes it seemed too real, and I had a lot of moments where
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I would wake up inside the dream.
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I'd have one of those Inception deals where it seemed like there
17:36
was nobody in the house. I had a couple dreams where I
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was in school and nobody was there.
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And it was stuff like that that fucked me up.
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It was stuff like waking up and not seeing anybody around and
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then walking down the street looking for people and they were
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all gone, as if they were all raptured away.
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And I was the only one. See, I mean, I don't know about
18:04
you folks, but wouldn't you think that's weird?
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Wouldn't you think that's scary? A frightening to wake up and
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your mother's not there, or your wife and your kids are gone.
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Everybody's like, vanished, and it's just you.
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There's a lot of Christian groups out there that actually
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believe in that kind of concept, too.
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They believe in a Some Christians believe in a rapture
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where everybody's going to get sucked up, and some people will
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be left to deal with the consequences and the isolation
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and the darkness that is left. Not sure where I stand in any of
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that. Kind of stuff.
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It seems to me. My view has always been that
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people are going to, some people are going to die and other
18:50
people are going to be lifted up.
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Kind of like the story of the knock, but not so dramatically
18:55
like what some people think. I think that's some kind of
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natural disaster will come and through that in the process, God
19:02
will retrieve us, or at least our souls.
19:07
Well. Let's get back to the night
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tears and dreams. So according to the
19:15
psychiatrist, the reason why I was having these dreams was
19:21
because I had lost people in my life and also abandonment
19:25
issues. Now there were many times where
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a child goes through a bunch of shit and usually they have a
19:32
parent there to kind of help them through it or teach them
19:36
through it. I didn't have that.
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My mother and my father weren't very good at basically being
19:42
able to talk to me if I had a bad dream and I screamed out in
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the middle of the night. My parents were the type of
19:50
parents that were like, you know, shut that shit up, keep
19:54
the fuck quiet and stuff. We're trying to sleep.
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We got to work tomorrow kind of thing.
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There wasn't. No.
20:00
Are you okay? You little Johnny?
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Are you okay? Do you want to hear a story
20:05
before you go to sleep? Here, let me tuck you in.
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Or, you know, the mom that comes in, sits on the bed and rubs
20:11
your fucking head and tells you everything's going to be okay.
20:14
That's not the way my life was. It was like, shut the fuck up,
20:18
Be quiet. People are trying to sleep.
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You're going to wake our fucking neighbors up with that bullshit.
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If it wasn't for the teachers in the school, if it wasn't for the
20:31
them saying they'd get my mother and father for neglect and shit,
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or, you know, have them get in some kind of trouble over this
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shit, I would have never even talked to a psychiatrist and
20:43
realized that there was a problem there.
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So I ended up learning that I had abandonment issues.
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And I also learned that according to the psychiatrist or
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their dribble, that my fear of loss.
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How many of you out there have anything like that?
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Are you the type of person where it doesn't matter what people do
21:09
to you, but if they do it to your loved ones, you'll bend
21:12
over backwards. You'll hunt the universe for a
21:14
son of a bitch that hurt your family or your friends, but
21:19
doesn't matter what people do to you.
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I've often had people even mention that on YouTube where
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they say. Why is it that Brett doesn't say
21:28
anything very often when people talk directly about him for?
21:33
And the truth is, I don't give a fuck.
21:35
I don't care. Like I said in my nightmares, I
21:38
didn't care if hell raisers ripped me apart.
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But it was when people went after my loved ones and the
21:44
people I cared about, because whenever I was younger, I didn't
21:48
have a whole lot of shit. I didn't.
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I was a poor kid who all's I had was my friends, and I had a few
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family members that I felt like I could count on.
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Only a few of them. And when I say a few, I'm
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talking about under a handful. So when I did have something
22:06
good in my life, I held on to it like it was life itself.
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If I met someone that I thought was beautiful and wonderful and
22:17
fantastic, I gave everything I could.
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I committed everything to making things right for that person,
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the psychiatrist said. It's also a self esteem issue.
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It's a don't take care of yourself type of deal.
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But you want to take care of other people.
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Well, the truth was, at the time, I didn't know what that
22:38
meant. Take care of myself.
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I wasn't, you know, I bathed. I took care of myself.
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I ate when I had to. I took a shit when I needed to.
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What do you mean, take care of yourself?
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Well, apparently psychiatrists seem to have this idea that you
22:55
should love yourself, that you should care about yourself.
22:58
And I remember the psychiatrist telling me once, he said if you
23:02
want to love other people, you have to learn how to love
23:04
yourself first. You can't hate yourself or
23:08
disrespect yourself and then expect to be able to do it right
23:12
with other people. And I thought, well, that's kind
23:15
of stupid. Why can't you, Why can't you
23:18
give all your love to someone else?
23:19
Why does Why do you have to spend time looking in the mirror
23:22
and tell yourself how special you are, what a fucking
23:26
achievement or accomplishment you are?
23:28
That's dumb. Why would you do that?
23:30
For you know, the only thing I ever really told myself whenever
23:35
I was young that was special was man, I'm lucky to still be a
23:39
fucking alive. I'm lucky somebody didn't Take
23:44
Me Out like a fucking animal behind the shed and put me down.
23:48
That's about as good as I felt about myself, that I was lucky
23:52
just to even exist. My parents told me a long time
23:56
ago that I was an accident. They didn't tell me that I came
24:00
here because there was purpose or that I was meant to be.
24:04
My father even told me that he expected my mom to perform safe
24:09
sex and that he didn't want a kid.
24:12
That his life was too screwed up and apparently she went ahead
24:15
and allowed herself to get pregnant is what he called it.
24:19
So I was never meant to be here. Let me take a swig and a vapor.
24:27
Getting a little stuffy in the nose though.
24:30
It's those allergies around here have been shitty.
24:41
So the whole psychiatrist thing that didn't last very long, did
24:44
that for about a year. And it's kind of fucked up.
24:48
And it's coincidental, if you ask me, because one of the whole
24:51
reasons I was there was because of the fear of losing people and
24:56
then having nightmares about it, the fear of abandonment.
25:01
And then within one year, that guy, that old psychiatrist who
25:06
was smoking a cigar and had all these, all this great
25:09
philosophy, he ends up dying on me.
25:12
Are you fucking kidding me? He dies.
25:16
Yeah, I go, I'm sitting in the fucking waiting room waiting for
25:20
my appointment. And the secretary, she goes,
25:23
you're you're Brad Keane, right? And I'm like, yeah, we got bad
25:29
news. Apparently the psychiatrist that
25:33
you were seeing, they didn't have bedtime manners like they
25:37
do nowadays. They just straight up told you
25:39
and something fucked up was wrong back in the day.
25:42
There was no, you know, bullshit around it.
25:45
Or take you into a fucking other room and you know, like, give
25:49
you a hug or something. None of that bullshit, none of
25:51
that soy sensitivity crap she just said right from her desk.
25:56
Didn't even bother. Stand up.
25:58
There were no tears. She's just like he's dead.
26:01
So you'll have to find you another psychiatrist.
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I'm like, find me another psychiatrist.
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I didn't find this one. You know, I would.
26:08
This was what I was appointed by the fucking school and all that
26:12
shit and by juvenile facilities. I didn't wake up one day and
26:18
say, man, I need a psychiatrist. I'm not going to find another
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one. Well, the truth is, I never did.
26:25
I never did. I did end up in some foster care
26:28
and some placements and shit because my father ended up
26:31
leaving my mother. Then my grandmother ended up
26:34
dying and my mother got sick, so I didn't have I I didn't have a
26:40
good safe home to be in and the system ended up coming in,
26:44
taking me. And I ended up living inside of
26:48
like foster homes, residential homes, placement areas, and some
26:53
of these places they expected you to talk to like somebody to
26:58
talk about your life or some of your issues.
27:01
But I decided after my first experience after dealing with
27:05
that psychiatrist, I realized that if I talk too much about my
27:10
problems or my issues, then they were going to treat me like a
27:14
Guinea pig again. Even though I like that old
27:17
psychiatrist and he was cool as fuck and I enjoyed my time
27:20
talking to him, he was also giving me a lot of medicines.
27:24
He was also writing down shit all the time, and the next thing
27:27
I knew, I had to go get more medicine.
27:30
So this time around, the next time I start running into
27:33
psychiatrists or counselors or anything and they'd asked me
27:38
about my fucking day, I'd tell oh, shit's great.
27:41
Are you sleeping OK? Yeah, I'm fucked.
27:43
Sleeping great. Are you eating well?
27:46
Oh yeah, yeah, whatever the place gives me.
27:48
I fucked. Scarf that shit right down.
27:50
Everything's fine. My life is fucking rainbows and
27:53
unicorns. It's beautiful.
27:56
Because I learned that if you tell them there's a problem,
28:01
they're going to make more problems for you.
28:03
So you know, a lot of people in the system, they say things
28:09
like, how is it that all these crazy people manage to get out
28:12
on the street? And I'm not claiming I'm crazy
28:15
or I'm a danger to anyone or anything, but that's what
28:19
happens is that a lot of these crazy people, they go to
28:22
psychiatrist and the psychiatrist make a bunch of
28:25
trouble for them. Well, sooner or later it's going
28:28
to click. If I don't say certain things
28:31
and I don't respond in certain ways and they're going to leave
28:35
me the fuck alone. You know what I mean?
28:38
That's how I think a lot of nut cases ended up out in the
28:41
street. They finally became intelligent
28:44
enough for selfaware that they realized, man, if I keep telling
28:48
these people the cool fucking stories that are going on in my
28:51
head that I'd like to do in humanity, they're going to
28:54
fucking Medicaid me and put me in some kind of hole somewhere.
28:59
So people get the idea that just tell everybody it's a good day.
29:02
It's great. I wasn't nuts or anything,
29:05
ladies and gentlemen, but night terrors are.
29:08
It's like the next level of nightmares and dreams.
29:13
That's something I dealt with. And like I said, it was mostly
29:20
because I didn't have that structure.
29:23
I didn't have that. Learn how to deal with the loss
29:26
of someone Took me years to be able to function properly when
29:34
my grandmother died. And when I say function
29:37
properly, getting to a point where you can tell yourself
29:44
that, yes, that person's gone, yes, that person is dead.
29:50
But even though that was terrible, to finally get to the
29:54
point where you can say, I can live without that person, I can
29:58
live with just having the memory.
30:03
It's hard to do that. It's hard to be able to
30:06
especially like a let's say a man loses his wife or a wife
30:10
loses her husband. There's a moment there, even for
30:13
what you would call normal people, where you say, I simply
30:17
cannot function without this person of my life.
30:21
This person was a part of my life.
30:23
They were a part of my walk, they were a part of my journey.
30:27
And the journey just doesn't. Simply, it doesn't mean anything
30:31
anymore unless they're with me. They're my soul mate.
30:35
And when someone's disconnected from you, you feel like your
30:38
soul has been violated, if that makes sense.
30:42
Anybody that's ever lost someone, you know what I'm
30:45
talking about. You can't imagine living in the
30:47
world without that person that you're waking up to or that
30:51
person you talked to on the phone.
30:54
While it was 100 times amplified with myself and maybe it was
30:58
because maybe I was. I suffered like everybody else,
31:04
but nobody ever like, sat with me and tried to help me deal
31:08
with those feelings and how I should respond to them, if that
31:13
makes sense. A lot of you, you may go to a
31:16
Funeral Home and see someone that died, and then you'll have
31:19
people that surround you and want to hug you and hold you and
31:23
tell you everything's going to be okay and people will go out
31:26
of their way to make the effort to be there for you.
31:30
I didn't have that when people died in my life.
31:34
It was just me then that was left, that was alone and you
31:40
don't have anybody to, like, guide you through the mess.
31:45
I think that's one of the reasons why whenever I was a
31:47
kid, a child, the concept of God really helped me because I
31:54
whenever I was a little boy, I did believe in God.
31:59
I'm obviously nowadays. I believe in God.
32:02
But there was a time whenever I was a kid and when I felt alone
32:07
and I felt like I had no one to guide me.
32:09
I prayed. And somehow believing in God and
32:13
believing that there was someone watching that me and caring for
32:17
me also made me feel as though the next day was going to be
32:25
better somehow. Someway.
32:29
I remember when I became a nonbeliever, there was a moment
32:32
there where I felt like I was. I almost felt good for a moment
32:37
whenever I became a nonbeliever because I felt like I was
32:40
abandoning something that I felt had abandoned me or simply it
32:47
just didn't make sense. If it existed, it should be
32:49
doing more kind of attitude. I don't know.
32:53
I I've seen a lot of nonbelievers with that kind of
32:55
behavior and that kind of attitude where they just, they
32:59
seem like they're angry at God, or they're angry at the idea
33:03
that it didn't turn out the way they expected it to, and then
33:08
they feel better. Whenever they yell at it or talk
33:11
trash about it or something, it's weird.
33:14
It's like a subconscious hatred towards something they claim
33:17
that isn't real. But the truth is, is once you
33:21
believe wholeheartedly in something, like believing in
33:31
someone you love or you care about, and then they do
33:35
something that's unexpected, or they don't do something at all
33:39
when you feel like you really need them.
33:42
And I think that whether you believe that person ever was
33:46
what you thought they were or ever what you thought that your
33:49
beliefs were accurate, it angers people inside.
33:54
But it doesn't just anger people about that thing not coming
33:58
through or that person. I think it makes people angry at
34:02
themselves. You get angry at yourself
34:05
because you ask yourself why was I so weak and stupid that I even
34:11
relied on that guide in the 1st place?
34:14
And I suppose when you become the non believer, you say to
34:18
yourself I'm no longer stupid. I don't need anybody to guide
34:22
me. I don't need any advice.
34:24
I don't need your Bible, I don't need your book.
34:27
I don't need your story to tell me how to do shit anymore.
34:31
And for some reason your ego feels better about that.
34:36
It makes you feel good to tell yourself that you don't need
34:39
shit from anybody, that it's all you and that you is enough.
34:44
That's that answers enough the questions that you supposedly
34:48
are looking for. It's a weird psychological trip
34:52
that people put themselves into. But sooner or later, once you
34:58
start getting around all that shit and you start steering
35:02
through your own Stew and digging through your own
35:04
bullshit, that you've basically invested nonsense all over
35:08
yourself. When you start realizing that
35:11
the universe doesn't act the way you want it to and that humanity
35:17
isn't the way you interpret it, and that there's more to things
35:22
than what your ego can possibly imagine, that's when you start
35:27
opening up back to the concept of God.
35:31
So some of you out there are probably wondering yourself, I'm
35:34
sorry for going on that little outside ramp, but some of you
35:38
are probably wondering, what about your dreams and night
35:40
tears? Do you still have them?
35:41
Did they stop actually at around?
35:46
I'd say probably between 20 and 30 years old that shit started
35:52
to slow down. And I think the reason why is
35:55
because of around 1718 years old.
35:58
I met my wife and then we ended up having kids and I basically
36:05
realized that I didn't have to just attach myself to someone
36:09
and and care about someone that came into my life.
36:12
Now I was actually, I could build my own family.
36:15
I could build people, not people, but basically be able to
36:22
be a part of the beautiful miracle that is having a family
36:28
and being able to be a part of the creative process and lives,
36:34
being able to be here and achieve things and accomplish
36:39
stuff. But I'll tell you, doing the
36:45
whole father thing from the point of being a kid that didn't
36:51
get fathered or mothered right or didn't have anybody guiding,
36:57
I realized how painful that was. And I realized that once I
37:01
brought kids in the world, I need to be better than what the
37:05
hell I dealt with whenever I was a kid.
37:08
Basically, I wanted to give things to my children that I
37:11
never had. I wanted to be able to give
37:13
things to my wife that I never had.
37:18
Does that make sense? I wanted to be the father that I
37:22
never knew. I wanted to be the father that
37:26
never loved me. I wanted to be the man that gave
37:30
to my children. When my kids needed someone to
37:34
listen to or talk to and all that, I was there.
37:38
I wanted to be the man that was a good husband, a good father,
37:44
and do do the right things. But it's not as easy as said
37:51
because if you never had any guidance in the 1st place, how
37:56
do you do it? And this is going to come off
37:58
weird for some people, but I guess I took my lessons from
38:02
God. God watches, He listens and he
38:06
loves us and there's a reason for everything.
38:10
And God's going to give us some things, and He's not going to
38:13
give us others. And maybe he doesn't give us
38:15
certain things because he doesn't want down the road that
38:19
same thing to hurt you. So he tries to give you what you
38:23
need and sometimes what you want, but not always.
38:29
There's always a reason, I guess I took my guidance of being a
38:34
dad from God. God literally became the father
38:41
that I never had on a biological level.
38:49
And what does a father do that loves you?
38:51
A father's willing to give everything.
38:54
A father's willing to die for that which he loves.
38:59
The Father's proud. A father is proud of his
39:04
creations. And a father also knows that
39:09
sometimes the creations aren't always going to be perfect,
39:12
especially when you throw a choice and free will into the
39:15
matter. So there it is, the night
39:24
terrors and dreams they I still have a dream every once in a
39:27
while, but the dreams are usually not as terrifying.
39:33
They're more of like a sad thing.
39:36
It's like whenever you have a dream and nobody's there, that
39:39
still bothers me nowadays, but it doesn't cause me to wake up
39:43
screaming and yelling and all that kind of shit.
39:45
It just causes me to wake up. And then I look around and then
39:50
I see my daughter and I see my son and I see my wife and I
39:55
realize it was just a dream. And then it goes away and my
39:59
wife can tell whenever I've had a bad dream because she'll get
40:02
up and she'll give me a hug and she'll say, all right, honey,
40:05
I'll say, yeah, I'm all right now because you're here.
40:09
And I see you and my wife always, I guess she takes it as
40:16
romantic or sweet because she always goes, oh, and then gives
40:20
me a big hug. So yeah, that's a lot of it.
40:30
I have like every once every couple months nowadays where
40:34
I'll have like that dream that nobody's around type of deal,
40:39
and I'll have some other weird shit go on.
40:41
But dreams where monsters are running after you or you're in
40:45
the shadows. I'm not afraid of the dark.
40:48
I'm not afraid of demons and monsters.
40:51
I'm not afraid of anything trying to kill me.
40:56
I guess my only fear is just blank.
41:01
Loneliness, abandonment. That's it.
41:08
Well, you guys wanted to hear it, as you can see towards a
41:12
survey. I ask you guys, what kind of
41:14
stuff do you like to hear about? And some of you out there, you
41:18
like my personal life. I've went through a lot of
41:20
experiences throughout my life and like I said, I used to talk
41:25
about my stories and my life all the time.
41:29
And my first five years of doing YouTube, I've been here for
41:33
almost 20 now. But like I said, people were
41:36
just taking my shit out of context and cutting my videos up
41:40
to make me look like a bastard or terrible.
41:44
So I stopped. I started just making more
41:48
straightforward content about, you know, my belief in God and
41:52
my views and all that. I stopped sharing my inner
41:57
person because of that shit. All right, ladies and gentlemen,
42:07
my nose is getting too stuffy. And no, I'm not over here crying
42:10
or something like that. It's just stuffy because
42:12
allergies and my throat's starting to hurt.
42:15
So I'm going to shut this down. If any of you want to know about
42:20
anything about my personal life, well, you should try if you can,
42:25
to be a little bit more specific.
42:28
I know my questionnaire wasn't very specific, but well, shit,
42:34
just, you know, if you think that a video would be
42:37
interesting, just say, hey, Brett, how do you feel about
42:40
this? Or how do you feel about that?
42:42
Or can you make a video about this?
42:45
Because I like making videos for people.
42:47
I like being able to talk about things that might make people
42:51
think or entertain people and all that.
42:54
All right, ladies and gentlemen, God bless.