Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Why You're Attracted To Narcissists

Transcript

Why You're Attracted To Narcissists · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  Y'all are going to love this one, I promise you.
• 0:02
  You're not going to believe this, but like science literally
• 0:05
  just proved why you keep dating the same person over and over
• 0:09
  again. I keep attracting the same
• 0:11
  person. I keep attracting narcissists.
• 0:13
  What is going on? A new 2026 study found that we
• 0:19
  don't just see one kind of narcissist, right?
• 0:22
  You don't see just one kind of narcissistic person.
• 0:25
  Our brains, your brain creates 2 separate profiles, right?
• 0:31
  The vain vanity, vain and the selfish.
• 0:35
  And here is the kicker, you actually choose the vain ones.
• 0:40
  The vain ones. Like you think that they're
• 0:44
  leaders. Like we're wired to think that
• 0:46
  they are leaders. I am literally a diagnosed
• 0:49
  narcissist and I can tell you straight up the vain face, the
• 0:52
  the the out forward image, the exterior image.
• 0:55
  It's just a more expensive mask for the same selfish interior,
• 1:00
  the same selfish core. Y'all be like, why don't like?
• 1:04
  Why are people attracted to this?
• 1:06
  You know this person is toxic. You know, they they look toxic,
• 1:09
  but I don't know why I'm attracted to them.
• 1:11
  I don't know why I'm drawn to them.
• 1:13
  They just found out. It's kind of crazy right?
• 1:16
  Like it, it really is kind of crazy.
• 1:18
  Like the researchers found that when people think of a vain
• 1:23
  narcissist, they pictured someone who is agentic, right?
• 1:27
  Who like me, like agentic means like someone, they look like
• 1:30
  they get things done. They look like they are just
• 1:33
  powerful people, right? Like you see, you might see a
• 1:35
  nice suit, some good hair, nice hair, a confident walk, a little
• 1:40
  twist, whatever the case may be. And your brain says success,
• 1:45
  your brain is wired to just that represent success.
• 1:48
  It's not always a suit, right? Something not everybody who's
• 1:51
  successful wears a suit. Sometimes what you'll see is a
• 1:54
  gold chain, some gold teeth, something exterior, right?
• 1:58
  You know, I guess ABBL, it says ABBL or something like that,
• 2:02
  right? They represent success because
• 2:04
  because you can pay for it, right?
• 2:08
  You see what I'm saying? You said it's kind of crazy how
• 2:10
  that works, isn't it? So your brain sees that as
• 2:14
  success and your brain is naturally attracted to success.
• 2:17
  Most times like people mistake that like a narcissist obsession
• 2:22
  with themselves for a drive for excellence.
• 2:25
  That's why you see you will see a lot of ambitious narcissistic
• 2:28
  people that represent themselves well.
• 2:31
  Nice clothes, nice cars, nice houses, like very well done,
• 2:36
  smell good, look good. What everything you said I'm
• 2:38
  saying good exterior image. That's why you're attracted to
• 2:41
  them. You know why do I keep
• 2:42
  attracting the same type of person?
• 2:44
  Like it's a different person? They just represent the same
• 2:47
  thing. You have a type right?
• 2:49
  Then how it takes breaking that type like vanity, people are
• 2:52
  attracted to vanity. Even if you are, even if it's
• 2:54
  uncomfortable vanity, you're attracted to it.
• 2:58
  You know, sometimes I, I see this, I see these people, I'm
• 3:00
  like, damn, that's clearly a narcissist, right?
• 3:03
  But they look powerful. They look, they, they're well
• 3:06
  represented and I, I'd be like, that person is clearly a
• 3:09
  narcissist. Clearly he's got some crazy
• 3:11
  stuff going on internally, but people will still be attracted
• 3:14
  to it. People still want that person.
• 3:15
  I'm like, huh? And do you wonder why you treat
• 3:18
  it like y'all, you find this person that looks OK, they put
• 3:22
  their well, put it together. I can just read them.
• 3:24
  And I was like, y'all like that. And then they treat you
• 3:26
  horribly. And like I was so shocked.
• 3:28
  I wasn't right. I wasn't because I can see no
• 3:32
  way. I've been, I've been diagnosed
• 3:33
  nurses. I can see through it.
• 3:35
  The reality of it is y'all like, like as someone who's diagnosed
• 3:39
  with NPD and who can be put together very well, right?
• 3:42
  I know that my vanity, how I look isn't necessarily about
• 3:45
  excellence. It's about admiration.
• 3:48
  It's about supply. I'm getting dressed because I,
• 3:50
  yeah, I look good and I feel good.
• 3:51
  But it's also to impress people. It's also to draw people in.
• 3:54
  It's like pheromones, right? It's it's pollen, you know what
• 3:57
  I'm saying? It's pollen to be and whatnot.
• 4:00
  It's what it is. It's a pheromone.
• 4:01
  It's like, it really is Peacock and it attracts people, you
• 4:04
  know, it's supply. They dress well for supply.
• 4:07
  They're vain to so because the more vain that they are, the the
• 4:10
  better that they look, the more narcissistic supply that they're
• 4:13
  going to get. Like kind of think of it like
• 4:16
  this, as someone who's diagnosed with MPD, I'm not working hard
• 4:21
  for the company. I'm working hard.
• 4:23
  So you look at me like I'm like you, you look at me like I'm
• 4:27
  damn near, I'm like, I'm damn near God like you look at me
• 4:30
  like damn, that person right there, they have a good
• 4:32
  presence. Y'all hear you?
• 4:33
  You were to describe somebody's presence before.
• 4:35
  I'm like, damn, that person has a that presence.
• 4:37
  They're powerful. They have a powerful presence
• 4:39
  and they end up being a horrible person.
• 4:41
  That happens all the time, right?
• 4:42
  It happens all the time. Maybe 100% happens all the time.
• 4:46
  And this is what goes on. This is a part of it right here,
• 4:48
  right? And this is part that so many
• 4:50
  people have to deal with. It's a part that so many people
• 4:52
  have to battle and keep wondering, how do I end up with
• 4:55
  the same type of person? Exhibit A, Exhibit B, Exhibit C.
• 5:00
  How do the people that you're attracted to dress?
• 5:02
  How do they present themselves? In no, in no way, shape or form
• 5:05
  am I saying to everybody who dresses nice or who has AVBL or
• 5:08
  get their body did get their face.
• 5:09
  Did who, who wears makeup, who wears power suits or power
• 5:13
  dresses, whatever. I'm not saying that right is a
• 5:15
  narcissist, I'm just saying a lot of them are.
• 5:17
  A lot of them tend to be narcissistic, right.
• 5:19
  So you guys kind of watch out. I'm not saying people that take
• 5:21
  care of themselves are inherently is are narcissist.
• 5:25
  It's just that they tend to be a little higher up the
• 5:28
  narcissistic spectrum, right? Am I right?
• 5:33
  So I'm going to the next the next stage ever, right.
• 5:37
  It's like the the selfish face, like the one you end up
• 5:40
  avoiding, like the the comparison.
• 5:42
  The selfish narcissist typically doesn't hide it right?
• 5:47
  The covert ones can hide it well, right?
• 5:49
  But the more overt selfish narcissists, typically they
• 5:52
  don't really hide who they are. They don't really hide
• 5:55
  themselves very well. They can look cold, they can
• 5:58
  look mean and they look like they will take your last dollar
• 6:01
  from you if you allow them to, right?
• 6:03
  That's what happens sometimes. Like this is the this is the
• 6:06
  version people think of when they hear the word narcissist.
• 6:10
  You think of the selfish, vain person who take, who has a cold
• 6:14
  exterior. They look how narcissists are
• 6:16
  represented in literature. Very rarely do you see a
• 6:18
  narcissist like this. You see them like that.
• 6:24
  They represented cold stare, looking into your soul, that
• 6:28
  type of vibe right there. That's how they represent it and
• 6:31
  for a good reason, right? I'm not trying to say they
• 6:33
  represent it falsely, but that's how they represent it.
• 6:35
  Make them look demonic come sometimes, right?
• 6:37
  Horns, stuff like that. That's what you imagine somebody
• 6:39
  that would take, take, take, take, take, take, not the will.
• 6:42
  Some people will see them as well put together, but it ends
• 6:44
  up happening, right? Like that's the version you see.
• 6:47
  You see the cold calculated narcissist demon, right?
• 6:51
  But this version of a narcissist is actually tends to be actually
• 6:54
  a little less dangerous because you see them coming.
• 6:57
  You can see them coming. So you can prepare it like, oh,
• 6:59
  this person's a narcissist. I know what they're about,
• 7:01
  right? You see them coming.
• 7:02
  So you take a step back, you know, you really do.
• 7:05
  And it's what happened to so many people.
• 7:07
  You see this version right here. So you take a step back, but
• 7:10
  when you see the powerful looking narcissist, you
• 7:12
  typically are attracted to them. So it draws you in like like a
• 7:16
  pheromone, like like bee, like a flower, like a flower, like a
• 7:20
  bee, like you, you, you, you take your little bee ass over
• 7:24
  there and you start buzzing and then you get stung because they
• 7:27
  dress nice, they look nice, they smell good, they look like they
• 7:30
  represent they they drive a nice car, they represent money, stuff
• 7:33
  like that. You go, oh, I'm attracted to
• 7:35
  that And you get sucked in and you wonder why this person ends
• 7:38
  up being a horrible asshole because that's how they are.
• 7:42
  You're So a lot of people get attracted to the narcissist that
• 7:45
  represents themselves well, right?
• 7:47
  Has the good exterior mask as opposed to the selfish
• 7:49
  narcissist. The vain narcissist can get a
• 7:52
  lot of supply. The selfish narcissist you tend
• 7:54
  to like they can they get supplied?
• 7:56
  Yeah, but you tend to be realizing who they are so you
• 7:59
  can kind of stay away from them, right?
• 8:01
  You just want to stay away and what not because you recognize
• 8:03
  who they are and what they have going on and what they're all
• 8:06
  kind of ulterior motors are. So it's very it's kind of easier
• 8:09
  to avoid them. You know what I mean?
• 8:11
  That's how it ends up going right here.
• 8:13
  But narcissists like this isn't the the next one's kind of weird
• 8:18
  to talk about y'all, but it's kind of like a similar, it's got
• 8:21
  a similarity effect, right? Like the narcissist, quote UN
• 8:24
  quote mirror. One of the wildest parts of this
• 8:27
  study, which I'm going to link below y'all one of the wildest
• 8:29
  parts of this study is that people who score high in
• 8:32
  narcissism actually liked the vain faces more like they like
• 8:37
  being vain. They're like, damn, I want to, I
• 8:39
  want to be like that. I don't want to be like the
• 8:40
  narcissist you see coming. I want to be the one, the vain
• 8:43
  one. At least I got he's like what
• 8:45
  Leonardo DiCaprio was saying, Wolf of Wall Street.
• 8:47
  I, I come, I show up with a power suit, a limo $10,000 watch
• 8:52
  $10,000 suit 100,000 in my pocket and I go to face my
• 8:55
  charges just like that. Like why do they like these
• 8:58
  faces more? Because they saw themselves like
• 9:01
  narcissist. This side goes right there.
• 9:03
  Narcissist like it just like people who like it's where it
• 9:06
  goes. People narcissist like other
• 9:08
  narcissist. They like their yeah.
• 9:10
  Would they compete with them? Yeah, but it's kind of like they
• 9:14
  want to mirror them like damn you, you this how you dress.
• 9:16
  That's how you act. I need to be around you.
• 9:18
  If you ever heard my story before, I had a super vain
• 9:21
  narcissistic friend, super vain, but I wanted to be around him
• 9:24
  because he the way he presented himself.
• 9:27
  I I love that. I need to take that from him,
• 9:29
  not like replace him. I needed to kind of take that
• 9:32
  personality trade around from him.
• 9:34
  So I would mirror him IA 100% would because I was like, damn,
• 9:38
  if I can do that, I can be unstoppable.
• 9:39
  That's how it's crazy. I used to talk right.
• 9:41
  So Narson's like we don't necessarily look for partners.
• 9:44
  We look for mirrors. They reflect our own perceived
• 9:46
  greatness back to us, back at us and whatnot.
• 9:49
  And that's the biggest thing that ends up going on right
• 9:51
  there. Y'all it, it really is the part
• 9:53
  of it, like that's the part of it.
• 9:56
  That's the mindset and whatnot, but the new, the new study is
• 9:59
  called, it's from Cardiff. It's called, it's from Cardiff
• 10:01
  University and literally hasn't mapped out the two faces of
• 10:06
  narcissism that lives in our head.
• 10:07
  Cardiff is like the Cardiff University, Cardiff, Cardiff
• 10:12
  University scientific discovery about narcissism.
• 10:15
  It's not like you say it really is kind of crazy.
• 10:17
  Y'all where you go look at the article and whatnot.
• 10:19
  But final advice y'all in, in closing, if you're dating
• 10:25
  someone because they're driven or ambitious, check the fine
• 10:29
  print. Just make sure they just it's
• 10:31
  cool to be driven and ambitious, right?
• 10:33
  You, you want a driven and ambitious person, that's cool.
• 10:36
  But look beneath the look behind the thin veneer of the ambition
• 10:41
  and the, you know, being quote UN quote driven.
• 10:45
  What's behind that? What's behind it?
• 10:47
  Just ask yourself this question right here.
• 10:49
  Are they driven to build something or are they just vain?
• 10:53
  Are they just trying to get money and get their status up so
• 10:56
  they can present better, just so they can hide better, they can
• 10:59
  mask better. The study, the Cardiff study
• 11:02
  shows that in the long run, both types are rated as equally toxic
• 11:07
  in relationships. Seriously, it sounded crazy how
• 11:10
  that works, right? Both types, the vein and the
• 11:12
  selfish narcissist are both going to be equally toxic in in
• 11:14
  relationships, but they just present or present it
• 11:16
  differently. So that's what ends up happening
• 11:18
  right there. It's it just, it ends up being
• 11:21
  presented differently and you have it.
• 11:22
  Like I said, I'm not telling you to be stop being attracted to
• 11:25
  people who present themselves well.
• 11:27
  Just take your time. Take your time.
• 11:30
  Otherwise you're going to end up in a very toxic narcissistic
• 11:32
  situation and you'll be mad as hell.
• 11:36
  You'll be mad as hell, the narcissist, but you're going to
• 11:38
  be mad at, you'll be angrier at yourself, right?
• 11:41
  Because you could have saw it coming.
• 11:43
  And he's like, I knew it, I knew it, I knew and I still did it
• 11:47
  anyway, damn it. So take care of yourself, y'all.
• 11:50
  Check out the Cardiff University study about vain and selfish
• 11:53
  narcissist. Let me know what you think.
• 11:54
  Drop it in the comment section. Just drop a book in the comment
• 11:56
  section. Like the book the book emoji?
• 11:58
  Make sure you check out my website mentalillness.net for
• 12:01
  all things Lee Hammock. My coaching, my courses, my one
• 12:03
  O 1's, my zoom calls, my books. Everything is at
• 12:05
  mentalillness.net. Y'all hit the subscribe button
• 12:08
  and I'm out. Peace.