Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / Wrestling Between Standards and Grace: ☀️ EnneaSummer Track Two

Transcript

Wrestling Between Standards and Grace: ☀️ EnneaSummer Track Two · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Enea Summer Mystery Series, a special storytelling journey from Simply Wholehearted.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Over these nine special episodes, I'm inviting you to step into someone else's shoes, to feel their hopes, fears, and longings before you even know their Enneagram type.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: It is a fun guessing game, but also the invitation is this: to hear your own story differently.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: To experience how grace, truth, and transformation meets you right where you find yourself.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: If you love Jesus in the Enneagram, well, you have found the right place, and I know you'll feel right at home.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Amy Wicks, your wholehearted coach and guide by the side.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Let's begin.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Summer's here, and with it, a new rhythm.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Or at least that's the hope.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: But what happens when the people you love don't follow the plan, and when your lists are full but your heart still feels behind?
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Today you're stepping into the world of someone who longs to get it right, who carries high expectations, and an even louder voice within.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: Can you guess this Enneagram type?
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Well, let's take a walk in her world.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's the first Monday of summer break, and already I feel behind.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: The house is louder, messier, and it's hard to keep in order, and it's only 8-12 a.m.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: I've told myself this year would be different.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: I made a list, actually three lists, of things we do, how we are going to rest, and how I am going to stay grounded.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: But now the kitchen smells like leftover onions and tacos.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: The screen time tracker already sent me two alerts.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: And the dishwasher, well, don't get me started.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: I open it to find spoons jammed in sideways, plates still dirty, and cups stacked like a game of jenga.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: I know, I know.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's not that big of a deal, but I also explained very clearly how to load it properly.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: I resist the urge to re-wash everything.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, I close the dishwasher like it's a spiritual practice.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: I have got this.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: But then I hear it.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: The sigh, the thud of footsteps, the classic teenage door slam.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: Apparently asking her to put her phone down last night made me too controlling.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: But she was still on YouTube and it was almost midnight.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm trying so hard not to overreact, to model calm, to be the grown-up.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: But inside, I am frustrated because it feels like no one else cares as much as I do.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: No one else is trying this hard to make it all work.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: I grab my journal and write, try again, create a rhythm, don't let things slide, make this summer count.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: But halfway through my list, the tears come quietly, surprisingly.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because even with all of this trying, I feel like I'm still feeling miserably.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Growing up, I didn't need anyone to tell me the rules.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: I made them for myself.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I kept them because I thought that's what made me good.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what made others love me.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: And now in my 40s, in the middle of this messy, beautiful family, I wonder if I've confused being right with being good enough to be loved.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I pause, I breathe, and I whisper, Jesus, help me again to remember that grace matters more than my efforts to be good.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: For another moment, I just sit there, my pen hovering over my journal, watching a tear drip on the page.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: The dishwasher hums in the background, and my daughter's door stays firmly shut.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: But instead, I flip to a fresh page in my journal and I write, I am already loved.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: I close the journal, set it on the counter, and instead of rewriting my to-do list, I pour a cup of coffee and step outside.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: The morning air is warm and heavy with the scent of honeysuckle.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: Bird song floats across the yard, and for the first time today, I let myself just be.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Not fixing, not planning, not perfecting, just resting, letting grace fill the cracks I've worked so hard to patch on my own.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, did that feel familiar?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe someone came to mind that you love who seems to carry the same kind of pressure.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: Now, before I tell you the Enneagram type, take a minute.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: What's your guess?
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Who wrestles between high standards and the deep need for grace?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: An Enneagram three, an Enneagram nine, or an Enneagram one.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: If you guess the Enneagram one, you are correct.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Ones are responsible, principled, and deeply committed to what is right.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: A one is usually the first to notice what's broken, and often the last to give themselves grace.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: At their core, their deepest fear is being bad, wrong, or defective.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: And what they long for most, well, it's to be good, to have integrity, to be blameless.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: But that pursuit comes with a cost.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: An Enneagram one often struggles with quiet resentment, frustration at their world, at others, and most typically at themselves and their inner critic, well, it's relentless.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: But underneath it all, there is one thing every Enneagram one longs to hear.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: You are good.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: And while they do set the bar high for themselves and everyone around them, the path to real freedom doesn't come through striving or perfection.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: It comes through surrender, through remembering that goodness isn't something you have to earn.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's a gift you have already been given.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Ones teach the rest of us something we often forget: that true goodness doesn't come from perfection.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: It only can come from grace.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: A one can remind you that integrity is beautiful, but so is humility.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: And it's okay to hold high standard as long as they are also holding room for kindness, especially toward yourself.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: What comes to mind is the clay pieces that recently my husband and my daughter made.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: They are beautiful, and not because they are flawless, they're valuable because it holds beauty within the uniqueness and with what it can hold inside of it.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: Typically something life-giving, like flowers or really good food, or maybe even a warm cup of coffee.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: And in addition, I think ones can show us that a wholehearted life isn't about getting everything right, but about learning to rest in the grace that is being offered to you.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: And now let me introduce you to someone who knows this tension well.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: A woman who started in burnout, but who chose a different path.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: This is her wholehearted transformation journey.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, my name is Katie Bauer.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: I live in Eagle, Idaho with my hobby of 23 years, three kiddos, and two dogs, and at the time of recording, my oldest son just graduated from high school, my daughter will be a sophomore in the fall, and my little guy will be in fifth grade.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: Simple things like popcorn, board games, and colored pens make me happy.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: And this is my wholehearted journey.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: It was July 2023.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: My family and I were on a vacation that wasn't feeling very vacation-y.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: I was feeling overwhelmed by all the things, even though it was supposed to be a break, a time of rest, and a chance to sit by the lake and kick my feet up.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: We were all really excited because this was an annual trip we did with our dear friends.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: Our kids love this trip and look forward to it every year.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: We all get along great and spend hours on the water, laughing and making incredible memories.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: The trip began as anything but enjoyable.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: My husband and I were somehow at odds by the time the car was unpacked from the road trip and we just couldn't seem to sink.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: I had some work deadlines and I was also halfway through a year-long intense coaching certification.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: These commitments required me to carve out some time each day for projects and calls.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: And if I'm being honest, as I completed the midterm for my course, managed team correspondence with work and finalized some projects, my pattern of getting it just right was showing up, making actually checking these items off my list almost impossible.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: As I sat alone, staring out the window at the gorgeous lake scenery, the very same lake my family and friends were currently enjoying, I had to ask myself why getting it right was more important in this moment than getting it done.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: I sat and processed this block, ultimately determining the cold hard truth.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'm choosing to miss out because I'm choosing to hold my standards too high.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_01: I was choosing to rewrite an answer when the response I had was complete and met all the criteria.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: I was choosing to reconfigure my Canvas slide when in reality it doesn't need a better font.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I was choosing to let things I cannot change bother me, causing me to sit in a critical stance instead of letting them go.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: Why couldn't I just extend myself a little grace and go enjoy my vacation?
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: I had a quick call with my sister and she asked me if I saw Amy's retreat email.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: I couldn't open it fast enough.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_01: Let's go, I told her.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: I was in the exact place where a recharge retreat with soulful refreshment sounded like a remedy for everything.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: And a road trip weekend with my sister was an added bonus.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: An aha moment at the retreat came when we were discussing the time orientation of each Enneagram type.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: I hadn't really ever focused on what was happening in the stances of past, present, and future, but as we rolled through the characteristics of the present focus types and their potential stuck place of overwhelm, I almost cried.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: The reality of these tendencies were so spot on.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: It was as if I was reading a list of things Katie does.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: I was nodding my head in silent agreement.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: I do use the reference point of people or things outside myself.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: I do let the immediate needs of the moment take over and I push aside my own needs to do what others might ask of me.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: I do waste time on unproductive thoughts that usually keep me stuck in overwhelm.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I do easily get caught up in what's needed in the moment.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: And most days everything feels like it needs my time and attention right now.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: But the kicker came when I was informed I was future repressed.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: Now the tears were slightly welling up because in this moment I finally allowed myself the opportunity to truly reflect on the information being shared with me.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: I paused long enough to acknowledge that I had stopped dreaming of the future.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_01: I had stopped setting goals, and I hadn't imagined any wonder of the what-ifs for quite a while.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: Day to day I had stayed busy in the moment, caught up in the right now, diligently trying to do all the right things and meet all the obligations.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_01: This might appear dutiful and responsible from the outside looking in, but inside I was weary, frustrated, and overwhelmed.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: The encouragement was to take time in my day to slow down and recognize how God's working in my life and what he's teaching me.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_01: My action step was to move my attention to his presence and ask with discernment, what is mine to do today?
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_01: The information shifted me.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_01: It was too personal of an account of my current situation for me to ignore.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: Since then, I've moved from a mindset of thinking, everything's an emergency requiring my attention right now, to properly reassessing whether or not it actually is an emergency or just an urgency that can be placed in another time slot.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: I've found a rhythm of balance as I make intentional steps to own my time, as Amy taught me through very practical and obtainable steps.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_01: I utilize my daily planner, even on the weekends when the routine varies depending on which activities are happening.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: I now use an erasable pen for when something needs to be bumped, keeping my calendar pages cute, colorful, and still productive.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I schedule in white space so I know I have some flexibility.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: I'm learning to give myself grace in everyday circumstances, like when I don't get something fully completed, I remind myself of the things I did accomplish.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: When I overbook the day and there's a long list of to-dos still needing to be done, I re-examine with realistic expectations and distribute them to another day.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: And when I pick up a task that isn't mine to carry, I graciously let myself return it to its proper owner without feeling guilty.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: And when I feel the overwhelm set in, I give myself permission to take a breath and a break.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_01: Then I go do something that doesn't require me to be responsible, like play a game with my kids or take a walk.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_01: Please know I am a work in progress.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: I do not have it figured out, and my family will attest to the fact I do not keep it all together.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_01: But I remind myself every day to grant myself the same grace I would grant someone else in my shoes.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: Recognizing where I was stuck is allowing me to move forward with kindness and compassion to myself as I navigate the ups and downs of life.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_01: It's reminding me to be open to new possibilities and dream big dreams.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's moving into freedom instead of staying buried under the weight of overwhelm and striving to meet my own unrealistic expectations.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_01: I can wholeheartedly rest in the grace given to me each day.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_01: If you resonate with any part of my story, I can tell you if transformation is possible for me, it is possible for you too.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't her story such a beautiful reminder?
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: A reminder that you don't need to strive your way into goodness, you don't need to earn your way into rest, and the work of transformation is already being done.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: You just get to respond to it.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: I loved that.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: As we near the end of this episode, I want to speak a blessing over you, specifically to the one who's always trying to get it right.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: May you remember that you are already good, not because of your efforts, but because of the one who made you.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: May grace interrupt your inner critic, may joy rise in the middle of imperfect days, and may peace find you, even when the dishwasher is still a mess.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_00: And hear these words from Jesus in Matthew 11.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: Come to me, all who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: Take my yoke upon you, let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: The Lord's invitation is clear.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to carry this alone.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: So let's take a breath together.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: Inhale, your grace is enough.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: Exhale.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: I lay it down.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: Lord, help me release my heavy burdens and learn the rest you so kindly offer.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: As you finish, I want you to take a minute to reflect on this question, just a minute or so before you jump into the next episode.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: And the reflection is where have you been carrying the pressure to get it right?
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: And how might God be inviting you to receive grace instead?
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: If this story stirred something inside of you, whether it was a Katie's story or maybe a day in the life, and you want to move from pressure to peace, I want to invite you on your next step of the wholehearted transformation journey.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: You can do this a couple of different ways.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: Book a breakthrough and clarity call with me, if you want to start exploring your Enneagram type, or if you want to know if transformation is possible for you.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: If you could get free from the negative spirals that the inner critic often stirs in you, and if you can walk in freedom and more joy and grace, so you can let things like the crazy dishwasher just let it go.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: I've also created specific Enneagram guide sheets to help you take the next grace-filled steps.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: You can find that at simply wholehearted.com enneasummer.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: And this, my friend, is the heartbeat of Simply Wholehearted.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: We are all broken, we are all blowing it.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: But the brave one, she does something about it.