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Transcript

The Heavy Wait Diaries: Chapter 5 · Heavyweight

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Previously on Miller High Life presents The Heavyweight Diaries. I
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: want ten heavyweight pitches on my desk by Monday. It's
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: coming along ridonculously amazing. I say, let's have a listening
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: party in a week. I pray to God. Timothy Nelson,
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Timothy Nelson, Timothy Nelson doesn't burst in. We can listen
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: while eating healthy treats. In the office on Monday, Timothy
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: Nelson is seated man spreadedly at a desk between producers
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: Khalila Holt and Stevie Lane hey Man. Timothy Nelson says,
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: why is Timothy Nelson in our office? I ask, I'm
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: here to negotiate the number of heavy's weight you demand
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: of your staff, says Timothy Nelson. We've unionized, says producer Holt,
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: tentatively raising her fist. Timothy Nelson is our union representative.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: You have authorized this man to speak on your behalf.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: I ask why. I've never seen this man before in
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  Speaker 1: my life. We all know it's a boldfaced lie. I
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: had actually been stuck with Timothy Nelson in the office
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: elevator that very morning, as I overheard him bore one
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: of the studio engineers with a meandering story about how
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: he and his girlfriend had ordered delivery from the subway
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: sandwich just below his apartment. It was a sad, punishingly
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  Speaker 1: boring tale that, after what felt like fifteen or twenty
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: interminable minutes, climaxed in some sort of gift of the
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: magi nonsense in which her sandwich ordered sans olives was
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: presented with olives, and his order ordered with olives was
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: received without a single one. By the time I finally
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: exited the elevator, I felt as though my brain had
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: been soaked in white out. Now we both know that
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: ten heavyweight pitches is ridiculous, says Timothy Nelson, no longer
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: some elevator buffoon, but a genuine threat to my dominion.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: Everyone knows, Timothy Nelson continues, the amount of care and
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  Speaker 1: craft that goes into a heavyweight it makes every other
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Gimlet show sound like two leprechauns shouting in a barrel.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to assume that such a proposal is
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: just more of your inscrutable deadpan comedy. Now, what can
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: you reasonably propose? Who pray Telle voted for this nightmare?
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: I ask, my voice trembling gimblet Media editor Jorge Just
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: Stevie says he was in the moment Timothy Nelson promised
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: expired yogurt and Miller Highlife in the Gimlet Media break room. Oh,
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: how will I ever find hopeful stories of sadness and
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: regret under these working circumstances? I shriek. The shriek has
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: barely escaped my lips. When CEO and Gimlet Media founder
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: Alex Bloomberg cranes his six hundred dollars haircut through the
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: office door, knock, knock, he calls out in a sing
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: song voice, are we all set for our listening party?
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Can't wait to hear the first episode of the new
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: season of Heavyweight Union. Bylaw three oh one, Adenda two
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: dictates that all listening parties must be supplied with olives,
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: both black and green. Says Timothy Nelson. I happen to
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: have a few jars of colamadas in my file cabinet,
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: exclaims Bloomberg. I'll be right back in mere seconds. Bloomberg
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: would return, dressed in his listening smock, ready for a
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: preview party, at which, save for the sound of Timothy
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: Nelson gobbling fistfuls of olives and the rumblings of my
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: own intemperate bowels, there would be absolutely nothing to listen to.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: This has been Chapter five of the Heavyweight Diaries. The
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: next season of Heavyweight will begin in four weeks on
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: September twenty sixth. The best place to listen to Heavyweight
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: is on Spotify. The second best place to listen to
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: Heavyweight is over the stadium sound system during the Super
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: Bowl halftime show, Sitting quietly in rapt attention with seventy
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: five thousand tie eyed friends. Heavyweight is me Jonathan Goldstein
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: along with Jorge just Stevie Lane, Khalila Holt, and Ba Parker.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: This episode was mixed by Emma Munger, music by Bobby Lord.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: Our ad music is Valdi Spring performed by the Wichita
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: State University Chamber Players. Will have a new chapter of
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: the Heavyweight Diaries next week