Latest / Dear Son, / I Worked for this Smile | Protecting the Unprotected | Ep 218 | The Dear Son, Show

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I Worked for this Smile | Protecting the Unprotected | Ep 218 | The Dear Son, Show · Dear Son,

0:00
[SPEAKER_00]: that those things that happens to you as a child happen within the home or within the extended family or so the molestation no that that happened protecting my brother from a neighbor how long did you carry that before you told anybody so unfortunately I told my dad immediately um personally unfortunately this is what happened
0:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh, I told him my dad and one of his times was, well, if you, because he didn't, in his mind, he still, there's no not my son that didn't happen to my son.
0:36
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I'm saying?
0:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Because in his mind, he was like, well, you should have just can't straight home and protecting your brother, but blah, blah, blah.
0:45
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was told him like, I did protect my brother because it was after my brother.
0:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, brother had a speech and pediment and they do try to use that to the Lord.
0:53
[SPEAKER_01]: I pushed my brother to the run and he got me.
0:57
[SPEAKER_01]: So as a kid, I was like, bro, I did what you told me too.
1:01
[SPEAKER_01]: But now that I'm telling you this, you get mad at me and you beat me.
1:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's see what we got, family.
1:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, let's get it, welcome to the Dead Sun Show.
1:16
[SPEAKER_00]: We have meaningful conversations about life through the lens of Fatherhood.
1:20
[SPEAKER_00]: It is four fathers, those with fathers and the Fatherless, or nobody's left out.
1:26
[SPEAKER_00]: These are the conversations I want my sons, the access as they grow through life in the manhood, so no topics are off limits.
1:32
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm your only host, D. John, today.
1:35
[SPEAKER_00]: We got my guy.
1:36
[SPEAKER_00]: John Lewis in the building, how you feel in my brother?
1:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Man, I'm feeling good.
1:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I appreciate you for the opportunity to just come on, man.
1:41
[SPEAKER_01]: I love your show.
1:42
[SPEAKER_01]: He appreciate that, man.
1:44
[SPEAKER_00]: You are big guys that wear smile, man.
1:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Is that your life was at just now?
1:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Man, I had to, I tell people I had to wear for this.
1:54
[SPEAKER_01]: I had to fight for my smile, man.
1:57
[SPEAKER_01]: So whenever you see me now, life is beautiful.
2:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I really don't have any complaints.
2:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Because no, man.
2:03
[SPEAKER_00]: That's dope.
2:04
[SPEAKER_00]: How's the week, man?
2:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, the week been, it's been a Villeful bro.
2:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I'm getting ready, ramping up on some things.
2:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Shout it out.
2:12
[SPEAKER_00]: It's gonna be all before.
2:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh yeah, so I'm a part of Black Minute Tech, part of events crew.
2:18
[SPEAKER_01]: So we ramping up for Thrive, which is gonna be in about 12 days, actually.
2:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I forgot the day, I think it's the 19th, 12, something like that.
2:27
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's coming up pretty soon.
2:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Then getting ready for my son's game, and it's tonight, actually.
2:35
[SPEAKER_00]: No, no, I see the story.
2:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, this is their fourth game of the year.
2:41
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's moving pretty quick.
2:43
[SPEAKER_01]: He's 12, he's in middle school.
2:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
2:46
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just really dope seeing him do it, starting becoming his own person.
2:49
[SPEAKER_00]: So is this his first year has even played?
2:51
[SPEAKER_00]: He's been playing, but this is first year of middle school.
2:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
2:55
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's just really dope seeing his growth from where he started from flag, being that big baby to being a young man, being a captain, and just seeing him like, going back there just being a him and dominating.
3:08
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's really cool to see.
3:09
[SPEAKER_00]: My daughter is cheering for her middle school, and this is her first year.
3:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Nice.
3:13
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm being opposed about 100 or so long.
3:16
[SPEAKER_00]: The first game is somebody who's like, do you think she's not going to do well?
3:19
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, no, it's not that it's just the angst of things going great for them.
3:26
[SPEAKER_00]: And that might have not been in their head.
3:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Of course, it's a little bit more.
3:29
[SPEAKER_00]: I was going to say it's a little bit more risky on the field.
3:34
[SPEAKER_00]: But Sharon has some dangers too.
3:36
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, they don't want people up in catching them and she wanted them.
3:39
[SPEAKER_00]: That's supposed to be catching them.
3:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
3:41
[SPEAKER_00]: So how are you?
3:44
[SPEAKER_01]: With home, man.
3:45
[SPEAKER_01]: We from.
3:46
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm from Pleasant Grove.
3:48
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, it's pretty much, you know, northeast Dallas, but now I reside in Plano.
3:54
[SPEAKER_00]: Pleasant Grove, man.
3:55
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm so I'm I've been in Dallas for eight years.
4:01
[SPEAKER_00]: It's going to sound crazy.
4:03
[SPEAKER_00]: I still don't know what stuff is.
4:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
4:05
[SPEAKER_00]: I one time somebody told me they were from, um,
4:09
[SPEAKER_00]: I got us a sex in the South Dallas confused and he let me head.
4:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh yeah, he let me head.
4:13
[SPEAKER_00]: So we said, Pleasure Growl, I appreciate you orienting me to where it is.
4:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I was funny though, um, yeah, I grew up in Pleasant Grove, stayed in Pleasant Grove, but I went to school high school in on a side Dallas, and it's a way you say it and get real particularly.
4:31
[SPEAKER_01]: That's how we know from there.
4:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, I'm not, people I'm not, I'm not, give me great to give me grief.
4:36
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not from here.
4:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I went on type of people.
4:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't take it to the sea because you got people that say like the solo, see the here side Dallas, no, it's South of Dallas.
4:45
[SPEAKER_01]: and they get real bad.
4:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I love about it.
4:47
[SPEAKER_00]: I never thought that.
4:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, so some of us, we get real particular about it, but in my, some like, hey, I give grace just like with Lancaster.
4:55
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, if you find me say Lancaster, if you guys find me say Lancaster, so it was tough.
5:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I was talking to you.
5:01
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, see my sister-in-law, my brother-in-law, they live over the after they live in Lancaster.
5:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Look at me.
5:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, look at me.
5:07
[SPEAKER_00]: That's probably a Virginia thing because we got a Lancaster in Virginia.
5:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, and we call it that.
5:11
[SPEAKER_00]: What was your experience growing up in this area?
5:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Man, uh, I tell people I really had.
5:21
[SPEAKER_01]: My child was like the best of two worlds.
5:23
[SPEAKER_01]: At one point, man, I saw my parents really built themselves up.
5:28
[SPEAKER_01]: I had my both of my parents up until they were married up until I was about a week before my 12th birthday.
5:34
[SPEAKER_01]: So from that, I seen my parents go from a small, really stand with my granny to build themselves up to a little apartment.
5:43
[SPEAKER_01]: then to eventually, you know, getting their own home into where we didn't want from nothing at one point.
5:49
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, this is like the late 90s, early 2000s support where both of my parents worked.
5:54
[SPEAKER_01]: They did their thing.
5:55
[SPEAKER_01]: And literally, man, neighbor and clothes, two calls, really three calls in a driveway.
6:03
[SPEAKER_01]: uh, my dad was a business owner, my mom was a manager and where she was at the time to where it was like, we really didn't have any struggles no words for nothing financially.
6:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Then I want to say, uh, what's the divorce this when everything got kind of weird as far as experience like the instability, um, and one step happened man, you know,
6:23
[SPEAKER_01]: It was a, it was really a shock, a culture shot to where, like, you seeing your parents together every day, then to where, you know, you don't, it was one of those things you don't mention my dad's name, but the irony was, I'm a junior and at the time, you know, he's a big black dude, I'm a big black dude, and then, you know, you went from having two parents to work, they'd eventually nobody worked.
6:47
[SPEAKER_01]: So it was a, it was a,
6:49
[SPEAKER_01]: It was a lot.
6:50
[SPEAKER_01]: It was a huge difference in it.
6:51
[SPEAKER_01]: It was hard navigating it because I'm just a kid.
6:53
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't have the language for it.
6:56
[SPEAKER_01]: And I felt like, you know, it was my fault.
7:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Also, so I carried it with just to, you know, some of the facts that I mean the due to the facts that led to them getting the worst in my mind.
7:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, well,
7:09
[SPEAKER_01]: I felt like because there were some issues with my father, with abuse.
7:15
[SPEAKER_01]: I felt like that, you know, my mom left him because me.
7:18
[SPEAKER_01]: But not realizing, like the role in life, realized, hey, it was some stuff on the back end that led to that it wasn't, you know, necessarily.
7:26
[SPEAKER_01]: you know, my fault.
7:28
[SPEAKER_01]: But, you know, navigate in that man and just really see in my parents for who they are.
7:34
[SPEAKER_01]: It allowed me to heal and recover because now I'm man.
7:38
[SPEAKER_01]: I love like I tell people about time.
7:39
[SPEAKER_01]: Like when I say early, I work for this smile.
7:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I work for my family.
7:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
7:44
[SPEAKER_01]: We really had to work and navigate having hard conversations to where you still is now.
7:49
[SPEAKER_01]: You were like, oh, you would never know some of the stuff we overcame together.
7:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you recall the center lesson that you said, um, you thought that you were the cause for some period of time?
8:03
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you recall seeing signs or can you put language now to some of the things that you remember seeing then that kind of suggested they were moving that direction was it just complete surprised you.
8:15
[SPEAKER_01]: No, it actually wasn't a surprise, because my dad was one of those type of dudes.
8:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I tell people this all the time, like I had my dad in the house from birth to, like I said, to the reverse, right?
8:29
[SPEAKER_01]: And my dad gave me a crash course on being a man that's for a period of time.
8:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm even with that the last two years is really really the last year when things had shifted.
8:40
[SPEAKER_01]: And my dad told me straight up, he said, hey, I know your mom and I weren't going to be together, but I need to pray for the world.
8:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Like looking back on it.
8:51
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I'm appreciative of that he did prepare me to assuming that role and to prepare me for life.
8:58
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't agree with the methods, but I do appreciate the fact that, you know, he, he really instills so much in tune at that time, you know, saying to where I could be that clevering from my brother and also, you know, in a way be that support from my mom as we navigated that next chapter.
9:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh man, I would say when I really felt the way, I would say it's been, I would say about middle school, about the eighth grade in the reason being it was because at that point, man, I had gotten trouble early and when I saw the magnitude of my mistakes compared to other kids, right?
9:42
[SPEAKER_01]: other kids could make a mistake in whatever.
9:46
[SPEAKER_01]: But when I'm making a mistake it was almost like a moment take off then you know I get drilled by everybody like you supposed to be one to do this in this and that you're supposed to be the one you know not to get a record you know you're supposed to want to go to college you're supposed to want to do X, Y, Z.
10:03
[SPEAKER_01]: And then it was just like, my dad looked at me, he called me, he was just like, you know?
10:08
[SPEAKER_01]: And I remember this, he was like, he was like, essentially a man, like, you can't begin a trouble.
10:16
[SPEAKER_01]: He was like, because you see what's going on.
10:19
[SPEAKER_01]: He was like, I know you didn't intend for this to happen, but at the end of the day, you're a man now.
10:24
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't man of the house, because I'm not there anymore.
10:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And when that happened, it was just like, oh, snow.
10:32
[SPEAKER_01]: and I didn't really realize like how much like my brother looked up to me then also like just even my older cousins and relatives and stuff like how much stay where a count on me to be the one to like I feel like to be the one to get out
10:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Do more, you know, so I felt that way to where I cared that and for so long And I still try to get over that to where it's like I have to either be perfect or perform and like if I do make like a minor mistake, bro I would just really Really unravel a little bit on the honest what was the behavior response to the divorce or did it start before That happened
11:15
[SPEAKER_01]: uh... my brain sails before uh... it was a response to the voice yeah uh... because i got to admit my mom she she was unemployed until from she my freshman year to um... i actually live for college so in my mind it was like all right i play ball go to work if i could find so many some type of way and still go to school i try to figure it out
11:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh, so in my mind, even when I was in college, uh, my mom was on scholarship.
11:46
[SPEAKER_01]: So I was one of those situations to where, like, I need to find a way to get money, even though the socket sent it back home to where I can get my brother some bread to where I could just stay afloat, even though, you know, you know, college actually at that time, you don't really have, you can't work.
12:01
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying, or unless it's like, uh, you know, I work at the bookstore, but,
12:05
[SPEAKER_01]: There's no real money in that.
12:07
[SPEAKER_01]: You think about sending stuff home when you need to be thinking about your school.
12:10
[SPEAKER_01]: You need to be thinking about your grades, going to practice, and stuff like that.
12:15
[SPEAKER_01]: So it was just, if I'm being real with you, man, I probably care at that type of weight until probably to a COVID.
12:24
[SPEAKER_00]: So, not that I have a significant amount of data in this, on this subject matter,
12:37
[SPEAKER_00]: your dad told you you were the man of the house.
12:40
[SPEAKER_00]: We had several conversations about women, the mom positioning a son to be the man of the house because of the absence of another male figure.
12:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Put your dad telling you that you're now the man of the house.
12:57
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm curious about what that did to your relationship with him.
13:03
[SPEAKER_00]: being that you were told to see yourself as a man before it's time?
13:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
13:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Did you try to approach him as a man?
13:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Was that still that level of father's son respect or show?
13:15
[SPEAKER_01]: All right, man, it's a good question.
13:17
[SPEAKER_01]: So how initially approached a man, I really didn't understand.
13:21
[SPEAKER_01]: So it was like, or a lot of resentment at first.
13:24
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, I had resentment for us, my dad, man.
13:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And it wasn't actually because of that.
13:29
[SPEAKER_01]: It was really because
13:34
[SPEAKER_01]: This would be real.
13:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I looked like my dad, we got the same name.
13:38
[SPEAKER_01]: And my dad was a very ambitious person and he always taught me to think for myself.
13:43
[SPEAKER_01]: He always taught me if you have a dream, count the calls and go for it.
13:48
[SPEAKER_01]: But my mom on the other end, it was two different ideologies.
13:53
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, hey, you following my doors, I say not as I do.
13:57
[SPEAKER_01]: So, boy, because I grew up, I was always my dad's shadow.
14:03
[SPEAKER_01]: So it was awkward spending this much time with my mom.
14:08
[SPEAKER_01]: So to speak, even though she wasn't necessarily around.
14:10
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?
14:11
[SPEAKER_01]: We stay with my mom, but she wasn't around.
14:13
[SPEAKER_01]: She was kind of doing her own thing, because she was fond of free.
14:16
[SPEAKER_01]: You see what I'm saying?
14:17
[SPEAKER_01]: So, when I had the opportunity, I got kicked out of my mom's house and I moved in with my dad and to me, that was like the best part of my teens, because it was like, man, I'm around my dad, I could be me, I could just be a kid.
14:35
[SPEAKER_01]: And he told me, you know what I'm saying?
14:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, hey, I love you, but I'm not equipped to have you here.
14:44
[SPEAKER_01]: And he was like, you know, you need to be with your moms because she'd need you.
14:50
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was like, bro, I was like, she don't want me there.
14:55
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?
14:56
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to be here with you.
14:58
[SPEAKER_01]: It was like I'm happy with you.
15:00
[SPEAKER_01]: My grades are better, I'm playing football better.
15:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just in a peaceful, stable environment because at that time, it was me, my brother, my cousin, we shared the room.
15:09
[SPEAKER_01]: We only had one bed.
15:11
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like with my dad, I stand a house.
15:14
[SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't a perfect house, but we stayed in a house.
15:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I had my own room for temporarily, then for him to say, hey, I can't take care of you.
15:23
[SPEAKER_01]: That's where my recipe came from.
15:25
[SPEAKER_00]: What did you think then or what did you learn?
15:29
[SPEAKER_00]: that to mean was it was it literally a like a financial resource as you was at a time or did he just want to live his life for?
15:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Nah, I actually mean we just had a conversation right before it's birthday in August.
15:46
[SPEAKER_01]: At the time, I just thought he didn't want me.
15:47
[SPEAKER_01]: I just thought that I was a screw up in my, both of my parents didn't want me.
15:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, uh, because even how I was conceived, uh, it was one of those things.
15:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I felt like my parents were only together, uh, to a piece, you know,
16:06
[SPEAKER_01]: And my mom felt like she had to, you know, be perfect.
16:10
[SPEAKER_01]: So she meant my dad, he was a first, got pregnant every first time.
16:14
[SPEAKER_01]: They're not to that, got married to not seem like excuse my language.
16:19
[SPEAKER_01]: I thought, oh, what up, you know what I'm saying?
16:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Because with my grandma, she had her trauma from how she could see her kids.
16:26
[SPEAKER_01]: So it was like a generational thing.
16:28
[SPEAKER_01]: So, I cared that, like, man, I wouldn't even be together if it wasn't, you know, for the slip-up of me being here, then also I went from it to, like, I ain't, now I got divorced because of me, and now it's like,
16:45
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, so I cared that for a long, long time, but my dad had told me some reason that he was just like, you know, apologize.
16:51
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's not the blue.
16:52
[SPEAKER_01]: And before he never acknowledged anything about that, he said, I apologize, he was like, I really just was trying to prepare you for life in a way that I wasn't.
17:02
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, I don't agree with the means that I did.
17:06
[SPEAKER_01]: And he was like, it's because I always felt like inferior because I didn't have my dad.
17:10
[SPEAKER_01]: And he told me a little bit about his story.
17:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I only think he knew about his dad was a name.
17:15
[SPEAKER_01]: And he was just letting me know like, you know, I'm not saying this to justify, but I'm just wanting to let you know because I see the work you know when I see, you know, the things that you do, and he said, just to see my son and pop up, it gives me hope that idea of something right.
17:30
[SPEAKER_01]: And with that man, it, it healed stuff for me that I didn't know that needed to be healed, like, off a cave.
17:37
[SPEAKER_01]: But at the same time, it was just like, man,
17:40
[SPEAKER_00]: It, it, yeah, what were some of the lessons that you had to figure out in the absence of and then being thrust into manhood as such a young age, like, what are the memorable things that, night in terms of regret, but like, perhaps it would have things that you watched out to, to help your son avoid.
18:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, if I could frame it like that, like, what are some things that you had to walk through in the ashes of that?
18:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh, I want to say the biggest thing, man, is learning my words.
18:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh, my worth and come from providing my worth and come from performing.
18:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh, I've been to and come from, you know, my accolades, my grades and stuff like that, because it was a time when I was supposed to be.
18:27
[SPEAKER_01]: him, then it was sometimes way and I couldn't perform, I was nothing and that bothered me and so many ways and I had to learn, like, regardless of the accolades, regardless of the money, regardless of the women, and this and that, like you still trying to keep the original, you still him.
18:47
[SPEAKER_01]: And at the end of the day, you know, no matter how the external stuff changed, you got to have the inner conviction of who you are and just have
18:57
[SPEAKER_00]: with some of the things that you ran to and search of that identity or attempting to fill that void.
19:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Man, I'll say the biggest thing, and I just keep it frank, because of the dynamic that I had with my mom, I was go for the affirmation of women.
19:17
[SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, when you're not healed internally, you tend to date the very thing that you're running from.
19:24
[SPEAKER_01]: and I would find comfort in those type of women up until it was time to grow.
19:31
[SPEAKER_01]: And once I start come to when I start growing, it realizes like, you're going to this because it's familiar.
19:38
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, actually, you know, it's no outside of that.
19:42
[SPEAKER_01]: It's no real connection because you want X, Y, Z.
19:45
[SPEAKER_01]: You just going back to this because it's less effort.
19:49
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's familiar.
19:53
[SPEAKER_01]: I just had to take a step back, man, and it just realized, I, hey, you got to take some time to really heal and have some tough conversations with yourself and also have some tough conversations which are not.
20:06
[SPEAKER_00]: What would a conversation with your mom like if you're open now?
20:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, man, I don't, because it's healing, um, I had to have a couple of sit-downs with moms and learn how to win or take a late high field in a healthy way.
20:21
[SPEAKER_01]: That was like the biggest thing, because up until that point, man, I tell people like from the age of 10 to, I want to say about like 28, like I saw first day with that.
20:36
[SPEAKER_01]: And because I suppressed everything, when I hit that break in point, I'd blow up.
20:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I'll let you say what you gotta say, do what you gotta do, whatever, but when I get to that point, how it come out is gonna come out.
20:51
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I would start to realize like, hey, all in that,
20:55
[SPEAKER_01]: that you try to walk in like integrity, patience, and kindness, and stuff like that when you blow up, I did it under my entire thing that you built.
21:05
[SPEAKER_01]: So it was like really learning how to articulate myself in a healthy way, with no expectation for inner response from anybody else.
21:14
[SPEAKER_01]: So when to therapy for one, that was the big thing.
21:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Then also when to a relationship coach, Kendall was great at the time to wear like she really taught me, you know, recognize and patterns and why I chose the way I chose.
21:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Then also just going in and just sitting down on mom said, like, hey, I appreciate, you know, you doing what you've done for me, because at the end of the day, you did what you did, you know what I'm saying?
21:40
[SPEAKER_01]: You used the tools that you had.
21:42
[SPEAKER_01]: but are awesome things that you know if I can and I just want to talk to you you know about this experience or dead experience and it didn't always go well right but because I went with no expectation I understood like hey man it is what it is at least we tried then eventually involved into you know um
22:04
[SPEAKER_01]: and she was realizing that old snap, because she wasn't just having those problems with me.
22:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And that was one of the things that I told her in the living way I said, man, you know, it's easy for you to blame this on me.
22:15
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, not on my court.
22:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I could have handled things, but it was a kid.
22:19
[SPEAKER_01]: But I also had to tell her, like, hey, you got an understanding.
22:24
[SPEAKER_01]: By age 12, I was already experienced child abuse.
22:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I had experienced being molested, then I also experienced losing both of my parents to eventually be a homeless.
22:34
[SPEAKER_01]: my safe space to the people that were supposed to protect me, filled me.
22:38
[SPEAKER_01]: And at the end of the day, I didn't know I didn't have the language on the way to articulate myself, because I was never equipped with that.
22:46
[SPEAKER_01]: So for that, yes, now it's a wrong man.
22:49
[SPEAKER_01]: I said that, but I'm just saying, I'm also not taking responsibility as you should have been a better parent.
22:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And those things, like, it hurt.
23:00
[SPEAKER_01]: but it needed to be said and it freed me and then started her actually looking internally and we started having more construct of conversations then I also just started noticing how then morphed into her like being named to have those conversations with people because I told you not a bad mom you know what I'm saying but some bad things didn't happen yeah you know what I'm saying so the the those those things that happens to you as a child
23:29
[SPEAKER_00]: So, the molestation, no, that happened to take my brother from my neighbor.
23:35
[SPEAKER_00]: How long did you carry that before you told anybody?
23:39
[SPEAKER_01]: So, unfortunately, I told my dad immediately.
23:44
[SPEAKER_01]: Unfortunately, this is what happened.
23:47
[SPEAKER_01]: I told him my dad in one of his times was, well, if you, because he didn't, in his mind, he still is no not my son.
23:57
[SPEAKER_01]: They didn't happen to my son.
23:59
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?
24:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Because in his mind, he was like, well, you should've just can't straight home and protecting your brother, but blah, and I was told him like, I did protect my brother because it was after my brother.
24:12
[SPEAKER_01]: Brother had a speech and pediment and the dude tried to use that the Lord, I pushed my brother to tell him to run and he got me.
24:19
[SPEAKER_01]: So as a kid, I was like, bro, I did hear what you told me to.
24:23
[SPEAKER_01]: But now that I'm telling you this,
24:30
[SPEAKER_01]: So it was one of those situations to where, again, you were supposed to be my protector.
24:37
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was like, but nobody's protecting me.
24:40
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?
24:42
[SPEAKER_01]: But when, as I get older, I get bigger, I get stronger.
24:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Even like, get my sport.
24:48
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm a protector.
24:49
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, I'm protecting everybody else, but I'm still in a little boy that felt like,
25:01
[SPEAKER_00]: The debt of aggression, I mean, not even accused you of being aggressive.
25:07
[SPEAKER_00]: Did you find yourself at any points being aggressive beyond what you could control or last and out it was always a protective spirit of other people?
25:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so for me it was always protection.
25:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, like I said, for, you know, my sport, I played defense tackling or I took pride in it, uh, then, you know, from the even that man I became, uh, my body or so my whole thing was, hey, I'm willing to lay it all on my lines to protect what I love.
25:43
[SPEAKER_01]: So, you know, you gotta literally get to me to get to them.
25:47
[SPEAKER_01]: So it was like, hey, let me get bigger, let me get stronger.
25:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me learn this, let me learn it.
25:52
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's why like when something did happen, not really awesome, hey, bro, sickness happens.
25:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Hey, bro, financial stress happens.
26:01
[SPEAKER_01]: It hit me hard because it felt like I was feeling it every time because it was like I did, I did X, Y, Z to build myself up into this.
26:10
[SPEAKER_01]: I thought a man should be, but yeah, that's cool.
26:14
[SPEAKER_01]: That you are supposed to be these things, but it's more to be in the man in that than the superficial stuff, you know?
26:25
[SPEAKER_02]: How much of your life have you lived for you?
26:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I like that's why I said COVID, man.
26:32
[SPEAKER_01]: I would say,
26:34
[SPEAKER_01]: If I'm being honest, even the in-bro, I spend a little bit of living my for me, and I know it's acting way in from about a year from 2020 to about 2021.
26:46
[SPEAKER_01]: I started living for me.
26:47
[SPEAKER_01]: I had got to taste for that for the first time.
26:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Was it because COVID slowed everything down, was it something else?
26:54
[SPEAKER_01]: COVID slowed everything down and right before COVID happened, I had made a decision like my mom had lived on me for a while.
27:01
[SPEAKER_01]: and like on and off to my adult life.
27:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And I just told I said, hey, the least is up in six months.
27:07
[SPEAKER_01]: I love you, this ain't me saying that, you know, I'm mad at you and none like that, but I got dead in my life.
27:12
[SPEAKER_01]: My brother's married and with his wife and kids, I got my son, you literally standing in my son's room.
27:20
[SPEAKER_01]: My son don't even get to enjoy his room.
27:21
[SPEAKER_01]: That I've been in my room.
27:22
[SPEAKER_01]: got feeling.
27:23
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?
27:24
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm just like, I just need to live my life.
27:26
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?
27:27
[SPEAKER_01]: And she was mad at me, but it worked out for everybody because she eventually she got married, and got a beautiful marriage, and I got to move forward and start building what God called me to be.
27:40
[SPEAKER_01]: But for that year, you know, she was mad, but it was, it was what it is.
27:44
[SPEAKER_01]: But then I met somebody,
27:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Fine, now she had brain cancer.
27:52
[SPEAKER_01]: So it was like from 2020 to up until the end of 2024, early 2025, it was like my life, my goals and everything was on hold because it was like, all right, I went from that, take care of my family, like my mom's and stuff like that and some relatives at the time to this situation, being with this young lady and with that bro,
28:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I had to have some real tough conversations and just laid out out there limit to them like, man, you know, like I go from taking care of certain family members, taking care of my moms, then I meet somebody thinking, yo, this could be something, then to she got brain cancer, then to, you know, going from that, then the issues, not, you know, regular relational issues is magnified when you got a life in that situation.
28:49
[SPEAKER_01]: Then, you know, uh, we break up, and it just went from like, okay, man, like, what's going on?
29:00
[SPEAKER_00]: What was it about, or was there something specific about this young lady?
29:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Were you okay committing to doing life with her to that?
29:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Or would you have been that person to anybody before?
29:14
[SPEAKER_00]: Was it something specific about her or were you wearing life?
29:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh, it was something specific about her because I ain't gonna lie, um, it didn't end the way I wanted it to.
29:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, we both wanted it to, but I'm not feeling this gratifying related because she's a cool person.
29:32
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but it was my first time like seriously dating somebody with a child and I had my child.
29:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, she was the first person that my son knew outside of his mind.
29:42
[SPEAKER_01]: And my son is too ill.
29:44
[SPEAKER_00]: And I fell in love with her son and be this time, he's about four or five.
29:50
[SPEAKER_01]: My son, yeah, my son probably like six or seven or something like that.
29:54
[SPEAKER_01]: And her son, I met him when he was a freshman in high school.
30:00
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was there up until he graduated.
30:03
[SPEAKER_01]: So seeing the boys, love each other, we had our family.
30:08
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?
30:09
[SPEAKER_01]: So in my mind, it was like, all right, we're gonna get through this situation.
30:13
[SPEAKER_01]: We're gonna, you know, navigate it because you can't, we gotta go through it.
30:17
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm trying to do the best I can with the tools I got.
30:20
[SPEAKER_01]: I have everything perfect, no.
30:22
[SPEAKER_01]: But at the same time, I laid it out like that.
30:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Like my life stopped because my family and my mom was everything and it go back to...
30:31
[SPEAKER_01]: how I saw things like.
30:33
[SPEAKER_01]: So when it didn't work, then on top of that I had, you know, accident or my end, it was just like, man, I really had to do some identity searching and really be real in myself and be real with God.
30:49
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's why I was saying earlier about like really navigating like what a man really is and just learning who my identity is.
30:57
[SPEAKER_00]: That's interesting because there's not like, for me, nothing other than family caused me to even, like, have the opening that perspective of what really matters in life.
31:16
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I'm saying?
31:17
[SPEAKER_00]: And the joke was for us, what our life, my family, my wife and I was a series of events, right?
31:27
[SPEAKER_00]: And that forges a bond and it shows you, it reveals character and as you push through things.
31:34
[SPEAKER_00]: But at some point, you got to look up and realize that
31:39
[SPEAKER_00]: that way of life, like event after event, our event causes a trauma within itself to where you, like you're always, there's a, there's a constant anx, yes, about what's going to happen.
31:51
[SPEAKER_00]: And these are not even bad things.
31:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Cause I'm saying like life events, children, moving job changes and all of that.
31:57
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is the first time.
32:00
[SPEAKER_00]: the joke that the joke that's no longer the joke now is my kids are from somewhere because we we move around and you're doing all these things you're making all these decisions that you think and quite frankly all the right decisions at the time but only in hindsight can you kind of see like how heavy and how frequent these things are you know did you feel like like as your life just been like not just with as your life in a series of events that
32:29
[SPEAKER_01]: It has, I don't like the saying no more, but it was like it was one thing after another.
32:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Because if I were to take, we would go down the town on other stuff outside of that, that happened from losing, like just 2024 long.
32:49
[SPEAKER_01]: We're thinking, you know, we're a family of goats, it's next level, my son, end up having a health scare, her son had to have a surgery.
32:59
[SPEAKER_01]: She had to have a procedure then it went from that we think we got to relief to she's finally on the road, don't some speaking events.
33:07
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like okay, bet, he's having the best, getting ready to have the best season of his life, my son's thriving.
33:14
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, all right, well, cool, wherever my family is good.
33:16
[SPEAKER_01]: So now I can breathe and I can focus on me.
33:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I get into a situation protecting him.
33:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I get a gun pointed to my chest.
33:26
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, Brad, not again.
33:28
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was going on.
33:29
[SPEAKER_01]: And mind you, I was a bodyguard for a long time.
33:33
[SPEAKER_01]: I ain't never just had a, I've been around weapons.
33:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I had to subdue people, but this particular situation to wear is like, I'm literally chillin' in my family.
33:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm supposedly again in this safe space, chill place while I collect my guard down.
33:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Then, someone's I breathe, I look.
33:51
[SPEAKER_01]: I see a gun pointing my chest, and it was a decision, I keep the you move, and it hits somebody in a car, or you're gonna just gonna take it.
33:59
[SPEAKER_01]: But in the midst of that, the whole spirit told me, like, hey, you got work to do, it's not your time yet.
34:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was just like, you're gonna make it through, but it's time, I'm calling you.
34:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And then after that, I'm like, I bet, we get through it.
34:13
[SPEAKER_00]: Hold on, what are you, what are you breathing pants?
34:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, what actually happened?
34:17
[SPEAKER_01]: So when I'm happening, I just, you know, I'm using my de-escalation skills.
34:22
[SPEAKER_01]: I just told them I said bro.
34:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, you said to Gemma, giant, did you fold them up?
34:28
[SPEAKER_01]: Now because the way it was set up.
34:30
[SPEAKER_01]: typically I would but it was he was a car over okay so it wasn't a situation to where I could of you know checked them and disarmed them it was really one of situations he had me there at the right so at that point I looked I remember I looked to my to my right I looked at her son I told him I said a yo like stay back there because he's behind the car then I looked at him I just
34:59
[SPEAKER_01]: and once hope sooner I tell him you gonna make it through it, I just tell him bro you don't want to do this man I just said man, just go.
35:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Just go and do just shake it a little bit of tiny do do and I just brought to the go.
35:11
[SPEAKER_01]: Then he just started twitching and he he dorted off and we got it, you know, got it in and dipped.
35:19
[SPEAKER_01]: And even in Mr. Debra, you know, later on we get back to our hotel room because it's having the hotel park and I didn't say that, but we ended up getting into it with one of the people he was with.
35:31
[SPEAKER_01]: And I, you know, I last stopped because the young lady was laughing and joking that the person I was with and, you know, we hold her off.
35:39
[SPEAKER_01]: And she said something so messed up and I was like, you know, I had a drink on me and I threw the drink on her.
35:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Anyway, from that, from us being the victims to us having to lead the hotel, then I ain't not having to fight a case in all this craziness, and I was just like, man, whatever, you know what I'm saying?
36:01
[SPEAKER_01]: So, got my name cleared or not at, but it took like six months to get that clear, didn't miss that.
36:09
[SPEAKER_01]: That situation was over.
36:11
[SPEAKER_01]: I made his football game, his final game
36:15
[SPEAKER_01]: and I have a slip and fall at the stadium and hit the back of my head, which caused some cognitive differences and some issues with my vertebrae and, you know, bulge this and my neck and back and some other stuff that I've been, you know, going through treatment and just trying to find some relief from.
36:35
[SPEAKER_01]: So when you say, you know, when can I breathe, I was like, we can't I breathe because I'm still dealing with something that, you know,
36:47
[SPEAKER_00]: What is your method of coping today?
36:51
[SPEAKER_00]: It may be coping as a wrong word, but like, what do you find ready?
36:55
[SPEAKER_00]: What do you find safety?
36:56
[SPEAKER_00]: What do you find or release the to be?
37:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, oh, a big good time, and I'll say,
37:08
[SPEAKER_01]: outside of my faith because I don't, you know, I'm in a faith, but outside of my faith is I really build in safe spaces with people like having real relationships because I got some homies taken to the world again.
37:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, well I got some homies though like just like I take care of them, they'll take care of her.
37:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh, one specifically is my childhood friend Jeremy, um, he reached out to him because I kept it on low for a long time, um, and he's open by his situation that he experienced while he was deployed and he ended up having surgery, and he just tell him like, when I get it, like, you feel isolated alone because people just don't understand what it's like to have a,
37:48
[SPEAKER_00]: not mental health, but the injury to your brain, because it's too different than you.
37:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And again, I am a man of faith, but I was around a lot of people that was supposed to have faith in the church, and it was one of those things like you have had these conversations they just paid a break.
38:04
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's like, bro, even the Bible tells us it's more to it than prayer.
38:07
[SPEAKER_01]: You all said, and God had blessed me with some of my friends like Chris Washington.
38:12
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm grateful for him because he's actually a therapist.
38:14
[SPEAKER_01]: So he's used it from both sides, and he was, you know, just have a real conversation.
38:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, like, they said with me literally said with me when I didn't want to be alone, you know, saying like my brother, man, my brother really like the biggest things, like having that bond with him, you're just checking on me.
38:33
[SPEAKER_01]: He'll come make sure I'm good or he will call me or just, you know, whatever.
38:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, then my son, he didn't really understand at the time, but just spending that time with him.
38:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, you know, helped me, like, really just get through, because I want those type of people.
38:48
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want you to see me struggle.
38:50
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to see, I don't want you to see me compromise.
38:52
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
38:53
[SPEAKER_01]: But it was like, bro, this is like, literally one of the most compromising type situations, because I look at people, I look at my son of all people, bro.
39:01
[SPEAKER_01]: And it broke me down.
39:03
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was just like, I know it's my son, but I don't know my son name.
39:07
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and it was one of those things because of that.
39:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, because I hit my head, and like I didn't know my son named, like I would talk to certain people, and I'm still leaning into church serving, this and that, and I'm looking at dudes, and I could remember what you told me 30 seconds ago.
39:28
[SPEAKER_01]: I couldn't remember what I just read.
39:29
[SPEAKER_01]: I couldn't, you got to the point if I look at a screen too long.
39:33
[SPEAKER_01]: I pass out or throw up even now.
39:36
[SPEAKER_01]: And I get so much pain in my neck to where, I got to shed it down for like an hour and a half or I got to take this drug or whatever.
39:46
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?
39:47
[SPEAKER_01]: It was to the point like, man, something got to give, man.
39:50
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and I start talking about it.
39:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And God bless me with people who like yeah, I can actually help you with this.
39:57
[SPEAKER_01]: I can do this So the dad let me get you connect with this person and slowly put me back together You know like Humpty don't do but I would say I don't be like the biggest thing Man, I really open up having that community because I'm one of the first things they tell you I don't isolate but don't isolate because they make it worse and this is that anything in life bro
40:17
[SPEAKER_01]: When we isolate, we start thanking certain things that normally, like we got in the way out, then if we were to just tell the homie or a friend or professional, they'd be like, oh, yeah, it's bad, but it's like on the other side.
40:33
[SPEAKER_00]: Communities is super important and I'm at my big age finally letting people in in a real way, because I took pride and being that for other people.
40:45
[SPEAKER_00]: I went to a lot of people to be that for me because I in my mind if I showed them what I thought was a weakness than they could never depend on me again and I my ego stroke was being dependable almost to my detriment.
41:00
[SPEAKER_00]: You mentioned faith a couple of times
41:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Can you pinpoint where and life you really became anchored in faith because for me, I grew up very religious family.
41:16
[SPEAKER_00]: found it was known in the church, in the conference and all of that, and that was an expectation that I lived up to publicly for facing, and the relationship was missing.
41:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, man.
41:31
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was a struggle for me when I got overwhelmed and I realized that it was really depending on my actual faith and my relationship with God, and I have a family at this point.
41:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
41:43
[SPEAKER_00]: What was it for you?
41:45
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh man, uh, so a semi situation, uh, growth traction on Christ, and those are my most situations like, you know, I knew God and in my youth bro, like I, I read my word and, you know, pray not it, but I really have comprehension.
42:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And I want to say,
42:06
[SPEAKER_01]: When I saw my son get baptized, when my first was my brother then I saw my son get baptized at the same church.
42:13
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm looking for a church home, and I was just like, I ain't gonna hurt on Pastor Brian the Red Team just speaking.
42:20
[SPEAKER_01]: And everything that I was just praying to God about, it was like, I was speaking to me through him.
42:26
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, I hope spirit in me.
42:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me keep coming back.
42:29
[SPEAKER_01]: and let me to join in, but you know, at the time I'm still working in a club as a bodyguard and on the side tool and not a good stuff, but then it was just like, all right, let me start serving and then you start with a lot of blood.
42:44
[SPEAKER_01]: And I started serving here in there, but then I met the young lady.
42:49
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was one of those situations to where I told I'd already made a mom, I said, I want to do more.
42:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, you calling me to do more.
42:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And he started giving me different drinks of building the community that I have now.
43:02
[SPEAKER_01]: But it was really hit when, I mean, Harry was in the hospital room.
43:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't know, never talked about it, but not openly,
43:14
[SPEAKER_01]: She was in the bed, the hospital bed, and I'm sitting there, and we tried to try to figure out what was going on, and she had fell asleep, and I had grabbed a hand and I just prayed, I said, God, you know.
43:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, I believe in you, I love you.
43:35
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I love her.
43:38
[SPEAKER_01]: And I just understand, like, hey, she was yours before me.
43:42
[SPEAKER_01]: And whatever you decide to do, you know, and say, in her life or in through months, I accept it.
43:47
[SPEAKER_01]: Even if it means that, you know, we're not going to be together.
43:50
[SPEAKER_01]: I will serve you.
43:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Just make sure, you know, she gets through this as well as, you know, I don't want her son to
43:57
[SPEAKER_01]: grow up without a mom.
43:58
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?
44:01
[SPEAKER_01]: And I just told I, I didn't really yield it.
44:03
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, God, like I do whatever you asked me to do.
44:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I get my life.
44:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, whenever you tell me to do, I do it.
44:10
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
44:11
[SPEAKER_01]: And
44:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I can honestly say, from that moment, it, that's when, you know what I'm saying?
44:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Because it, it morphs something to me to where I saw the real power of Christ there.
44:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I can still empower his healing work and everything that he told me to speak to the young lady in that moment.
44:29
[SPEAKER_01]: It came to pass and wherever he told me to go, I went, where he told me to serve our serve.
44:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Do I do a perfect nod, don't.
44:38
[SPEAKER_01]: but that would be like the starting point of when he gave me a vision only for how she would be healed and but also like the vision for my life and when I'm supposed to do this, essentially when I found my identity in Christ.
44:54
[SPEAKER_00]: My God, Joe T says, uh, the unmistakable experience.
45:04
[SPEAKER_00]: Nobody can tell you otherwise once you've had one of those experiences, and I wish that for for all who believe.
45:15
[SPEAKER_00]: How does all of this translate into who you are to your son?
45:23
[SPEAKER_00]: And I specifically didn't just say Father, but who you are to your son?
45:27
[SPEAKER_00]: I know you valued that relationship.
45:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I paint, my son is the one person in, ironically, he seen me at my worst, and he's also seen me, you know, saying that I would say my best yet, but he seen me grow.
45:48
[SPEAKER_01]: And he's the one person who loves me, like,
45:54
[SPEAKER_01]: threw it through.
45:55
[SPEAKER_01]: He'd be mad at me, I get mad at him, but he's seeing like, hey, my dad is my one of my heroes, but at the same time he also knows like, hey, but like I messed up.
46:08
[SPEAKER_01]: He seemed me go after try to try to manhandle his coach for one time.
46:15
[SPEAKER_01]: He's coached cool now, his old coach.
46:17
[SPEAKER_00]: We used the coach to get a long story.
46:19
[SPEAKER_01]: But he seemed he seemed me have human moments, but he's also a human.
46:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
46:26
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm still in that.
46:28
[SPEAKER_01]: He seemed me had those moments, but he's also a part of John's.
46:32
[SPEAKER_01]: He's also a senior me ask him for forgiveness.
46:36
[SPEAKER_01]: He's seen me humble myself to have real conversations with him and where he can have real conversations with me Yeah, but he's also seen me do some cool stuff too.
46:45
[SPEAKER_01]: You know So and we done some cool stuff together So that's that that's like the coolest thing like having a real authentic relationship with him Because I tell I said you know, I had to have a he would we had some stuff going on But I told I said one day bro when you older
47:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Me and you gonna sit back, we gonna have a sick off, we gonna have some whiskey one day, and we gonna laugh and joke about a lot of things, so we're gonna be friends.
47:10
[SPEAKER_01]: But right now, I'm your dad.
47:12
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I'm your dad.
47:13
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not your friend.
47:14
[SPEAKER_01]: So you got to understand there right now.
47:16
[SPEAKER_01]: So if I tell you something, it's not because I'm trying to control you, it's because I understand.
47:21
[SPEAKER_01]: And me, like sharing with him some of my childhood,
47:24
[SPEAKER_01]: You can see the look on his face till I was like, oh, so you just wasn't, uh, you know, my dad, he was a boy too.
47:32
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, that's mad as man.
47:34
[SPEAKER_00]: That's one of the beautiful things that that, that, on the ways that this show has enhanced my relationship with my father's because it, I want to say a force, if facilitated some of those conversations that allow me to see him,
47:51
[SPEAKER_00]: as a human before I met him, because the version I met in him, I didn't think I could take anything to him because what I saw didn't correlate the what I wanted to be or what I was drawn to in life and everybody has a past man and some past a little bit more colored sometimes I think I need to dial back what I tell my kids because it's
48:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Try to make sure in a way that I'm not glorifying it, but I'm giving them information, and I'm giving them context, and hey, I can give you in-depth insight on this bad decision.
48:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
48:27
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't really have to make it.
48:28
[SPEAKER_00]: I can explain to them the way that you can feel it.
48:31
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
48:31
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you choose to make it, you did it in form for what that's worth, but
48:37
[SPEAKER_00]: the communication got to be.
48:39
[SPEAKER_00]: There's too many things that are attacking our children, right, wrong or indifferent, regardless of what we do.
48:47
[SPEAKER_00]: So to the extent that we leave the chance, that they'll figure out life in the spaces that we figured it out, I think that's
49:01
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a question that I asked every first time, I typically ask every first time, I guess, and it's interesting, the timing of the conversation that you just had with your father, the full title that I showed with this one, would I wish my father told me?
49:16
[SPEAKER_00]: What's up to next, you wish your father told you?
49:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Hmm.
49:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Hmm.
49:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, man, I'll say like that I didn't have to care the way to long.
49:36
[SPEAKER_01]: That'd be like the biggest link and that I didn't have to be perfect.
49:42
[SPEAKER_01]: And I wish you would tell me that you want to follow, but at the end of the day, bro, like how to get back up.
49:53
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
49:53
[SPEAKER_01]: And then someday, um, I'm actively learning, you know, saying like how to get back up.
50:00
[SPEAKER_00]: Those things you wish you were told are those things that your son knows.
50:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, ironically, it's not ironic, it's intentional, because even now with his with sport, that's like the way you know, I get to teach him a lot of lessons to where it clicks.
50:24
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's like stuff he's saying now like I told him so it's going to be some time soon to where you could give 110% and it's still not enough and that does it mean that you're not good.
50:39
[SPEAKER_01]: It just means that it probably wasn't meant for you or it could have been someday where you can made a adjustment or it would just be real sometimes other people
50:49
[SPEAKER_01]: But I also let them know you can live with those names.
50:54
[SPEAKER_01]: But I let them know the worst summer regrets and my deepest frustrations is when I took the attitude of not showing up fully because somebody else didn't and I fell short.
51:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And there's something that I'm teaching him now and just to see him how he's adjusting.
51:14
[SPEAKER_01]: is really dope to see because I'm my bro.
51:16
[SPEAKER_01]: You are already learning one of my hardest lessons and you learning this at 12 and I cannot wait to see how far in life you're going to get.
51:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, how far life you're going to go.
51:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Salute to you for closing the gap.
51:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
51:31
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.
51:31
[SPEAKER_00]: You proud to that man.
51:32
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
51:34
[SPEAKER_02]: On to that.
51:36
[SPEAKER_00]: When God calls you by name,
51:42
[SPEAKER_01]: even why this how this was the story man so the biggest thing for about that is I saw something in the man cool long sprawl like
51:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Not even because of lack of pride.
52:00
[SPEAKER_01]: It's really because we hear so much on what a man should be from social media, from my brother's dad, a man from a wise, when they kids, from your job, from yourself, to where it's like, we don't actually know who we are in, who we belong to or understand our work and our value.
52:21
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's like that's why we sit on them just so much and the whole spirit has led me to like, hey, I need to work on you real quick Um, I called you to go talk to these men.
52:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I called you to build these communities and one of the biggest things that men struggle with is understanding who they are now identity
52:38
[SPEAKER_01]: So, dead book, it actually tackles our identity through a biblical aspect, because we hear all the time.
52:44
[SPEAKER_01]: I call you need to go find your purpose, find your purpose, you need to do this, and read pills, stuff.
52:49
[SPEAKER_01]: The you got guys who will pay for the coaching, who will pay for the counseling, who will pay for this and that, and go to be a new group, dead group.
52:57
[SPEAKER_01]: If you ask them that, who are you, bro?
52:58
[SPEAKER_01]: If everything was stuck now, who are you?
53:01
[SPEAKER_01]: and they came out to it.
53:02
[SPEAKER_01]: So that attacks it, it gives me like biblical references from seven biblical people that teaching them like, hey, you know, this is who God calls you to be, but also really sit and reflect, spend some time not only with yourself, but spend some time in a word, but spend some time writing out your prayers and reflecting and talking about it.
53:29
[SPEAKER_01]: It's really helped me, you know, saying, because once I want you to know who you are, it's certain things you know in the terrain number.
53:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh, it's not that it's necessarily, nah, I'm going, I'm going to say it.
53:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Once you know your worth, it's certain conversations, certain things that's really beneath you to where I'm not for the dismissed a person, but I don't have to address it every time.
53:52
[SPEAKER_01]: It's certain posts, man, to where I'm going to be a husband one day.
53:56
[SPEAKER_01]: It's certain conversations that I don't know any with Gage and you're a happy married man.
54:00
[SPEAKER_01]: It's certain conversations you see by relationships you don't even respond to.
54:04
[SPEAKER_01]: You like this not even registered for me.
54:06
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?
54:07
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's the thing that I tell men and general, like whether whatever it is, if God calls you to be a light, to go out there and be bold, why are you out here messing with this low-hanging fruit?
54:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Whatever it is, you know, it's because you don't understand who you call the be.
54:25
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you, light years ahead of the game.
54:26
[SPEAKER_00]: We can find the book.
54:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, man.
54:28
[SPEAKER_01]: So if you, uh, it's on my page.
54:31
[SPEAKER_01]: So if you go to my IG, Justin Hunt Lewis, okay.
54:34
[SPEAKER_01]: Just click the link and get your copy of the journal right there in the description.
54:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Grab your copy today.
54:42
[SPEAKER_00]: When God calls you by name, this is my copy.
54:45
[SPEAKER_00]: So you can't have this one, good brother John Lewis.
54:49
[SPEAKER_00]: My appreciate you being here, man.
54:52
[SPEAKER_00]: I hope this was worth, was worth your time.
54:55
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm glad I passed cross.
54:56
[SPEAKER_00]: I wish you, I wish you numbers and says, man, I love it.
55:02
[SPEAKER_00]: Four brothers were brothers, get it.
55:05
[SPEAKER_00]: sooner than later.
55:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, this whole podcast is really based on my later becoming somebody else's sooner, right?
55:11
[SPEAKER_00]: Me and my co-hosts.
55:12
[SPEAKER_00]: So we've we're a little bit further down the block up the street and who are we not to tell you that that's pot holes on the way.
55:21
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, what you choose to do with that is what you choose to do with it.
55:24
[SPEAKER_00]: But I'm encouraged seeing seeing you how you move and having this conversation man to this.
55:33
[SPEAKER_00]: There's hope for the next number.
55:34
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm old, man.
55:35
[SPEAKER_00]: When you said the 90s you was 12, whatever it was, I was doing the math.
55:40
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not like that.
55:42
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know if I can be a father and I want to close this before we figure it out.
55:48
[SPEAKER_00]: We yet, man.
55:49
[SPEAKER_00]: Just John Lewis on IG.
55:51
[SPEAKER_01]: It's on everything.
55:52
[SPEAKER_01]: On every IG, you two threads and TikTok.
55:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, thread threads.
55:58
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't really, I thought threads was different than Twitter, because I got on Twitter like two times in my life.
56:03
[SPEAKER_00]: And now seeing three, it's turning to that.
56:04
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm I'm unthreading, but find him there.
56:08
[SPEAKER_00]: Engage with him.
56:10
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, like subscribe, man.
56:11
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm at some point I'm gonna do that early in the show.
56:14
[SPEAKER_00]: But if you still hear you probably already done it, um, tell a thousand of your closest friends about their show about this conversation cause it's gonna help them.
56:22
[SPEAKER_00]: With that, uh, we appreciate you guys.
56:25
[SPEAKER_00]: God bless you, peace.