Latest / Dear Chelsea / Minisode: Poly Kewl with Chelsea + Catherine

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Minisode: Poly Kewl with Chelsea + Catherine · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, guys, here are my dates for the High and
• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Mighty Tour.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: In June, i will be in Saratoga Springs, New York,
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: port Chester, New York. I'm coming to Boston at the
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: Wang Theater. I'll be in Portland, Oregon, Seattle, and then Hyannis, Massachusetts,
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: and then two shows in Nantucket. In August, you can
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: find me in Red Bank, New Jersey, Montclair, New Jersey,
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: and Calgary.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: That's Canada.
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: And September I will be in Santa Barbara, San Diego,
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: New York City, Philly, and New Haven, Connecticut. October is Atlanta, Baltimore, Saginaw, Michigan, Pittsburgh, Toronto, Boise, Idaho,
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: and Spokane.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: And then in November I'll be in San Francisco.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: I'm coming to Salt Lake City, Austin, Houston, Dallas, Babies,
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: I'll be there. And then in December, I am closing
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: out my tour in Denver and Vancouver. So get your
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: tickets at Chelseahandler dot com for the High and Mighty Tour.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea, Hello, what's happening.
• 1:00
  Speaker 3: It's very exciting seeing you get a new dog.
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: I know, I know there's a new dog on the
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: premises who I've named ray J.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: He looks like Burton Bernice. I know he does. He
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: looks and he was in a shelter.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: So now Doug, I wanted Doug to have a brother,
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: and I think Doug knew exactly what is happening, and
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: it's like, uh what, It's like wait a minute, He's
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: like wait, he's not having the reaction I thought.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: But that's okay. The ray J is starting to dry.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: Hump dog and Doug is finally on the receiving end
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: of dry hump.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: So let's see how he handles this.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: Okay, And apparently ray J needs to be potty trained,
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: so this house is probably gonna.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: Have to be replaced again.
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: Moll's gonna have her work cut off for You're gonna
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: need to get a black.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: Light, and that's that's key. Sometimes you can smell it,
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: but you can't see it. So yeah, yeah, I get it.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: I definitely want a black light. Okay, that's good to know.
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: Okay, great, well I have This is sort of a
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: follow up from a caller, but it's sort of a
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: double follow up here, so I don't know if you
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: remember Sarah who had written in on the tim Gun
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: episode and she was going through cancer and was sort
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: of like, how much of myself do I want to
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: give back while I'm going through this?
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: And that was Sarah.
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: So after that episode went out, Emily reached out and said, hey, there.
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: I've been a Chelsea fan since college and a loyal
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: podcast listener for years. I was listening to the tim
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: Gun episode from two nineteen coincidentally also my fortieth birthday,
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: and was floored by Sarah's question about finding purpose and
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: how much to share after a cancer diagnosis. I was
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: diagnosed with rare neck cancer last August. It's been an
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: intense few months of physical, emotional, mental, spiritual turmoil as
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: you can imagine. Anyway, I've been thinking about writing into
• 2:38
  Speaker 3: the show to ask the exact same question. It's something
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: I ask my own actual therapist. No offense to Chelsea
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: all the time. How do I make something out of this?
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: How much do I keep to myself? Do I want
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: to be the cancer lesson girl or do I want
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: to just be treated like everybody else. I wrote this
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: email in my head a million times, but was always
• 2:56
  Speaker 3: too hesitant to send it. And now Sarah beat me
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: to the punch her story and she'll these response were
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: both really meaningful, and so she goes on to ask
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: like if I can connect them. So I got those
• 3:04
  Speaker 3: two gals connected, but just wanted to say also expressed
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: gratitude that you covered her story on the pod. Thanks
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: for all you do. I'm going to figure out a
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: new fun question and write in sometime best Emily. So
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: I reached out to Sarah as well, and she updated
• 3:18
  Speaker 3: me and just said thanks for passing this along. I
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: finally listened to the episode last night. It took me
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: a minute to get up the courage to listen to myself.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: It was so helpful to hear Chelsea and Tim's advice again,
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: and thank you for asking me to share something I
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: would like to pass on. I was also impressed by
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: the words from my past self, I need to channel
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: her more often. So, yeah, they're planning to get together.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: But I just thought that was really.
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: Sweet and cool and also just a reminder that if
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: you're thinking about writing in about something and you're not
• 3:46
  Speaker 3: sure if it's quite right, like someone else probably also
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: has that question.
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, sometimes you spark a lot of other You spark
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: another listener to call.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: In or reach out.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah I got a cute Yeah, DM in the last
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: night that was like, this is a rest of Chelsea
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: Handler's online dating series and they would park together, two
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: women in a park having a bottle of wine, and
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: I thought, I was so I reposted it was so sweet.
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh, so, I love when people connect
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: visa viv the podcast or any of the stuff that
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: you know we're doing. And it is a good way
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: for you to connect with people because you already have
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: something in common.
• 4:21
  Speaker 4: Right exactly.
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: So if you want to write in right into Dear
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. We're always looking for
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: new questions.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: We have a caller. Okay, are you ready?
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: So, Hannah says, Hi, Chelsea and team, I'd love your
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: advice on something I'm working through. I recently fell in
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: love and my partner has completely shifted my perspective on life.
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: I feel more myself and more aligned than ever, which
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: has been incredible. The complicated part is that my partner
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: lives in NYC and I live in Utah. We've talked
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: about moving to either state.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: He is sick of NYC.
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: I'm sick of Utah, and while I love NYC, I'm
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: not sure I can afford it right now. I also
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: just started a job here in Utah that I absolutely love,
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: and working remotely is usually pretty tough on my mental health.
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: Another layer to this is that I'm polyamorous, and I
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: also have another partner here in Utah who's quite a
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: bit older than me. He's sixty, I'm thirty two. But
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: he's incredibly special to me. That relationship has made the
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: moving decision even more emotionally complicated because I care deeply
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: about both relationships and the different lives they represent. I
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: feel torn between love, career, stability, and my sense of belonging.
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: Part of me wants a completely new chapter, and another
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: part of me feels grounded by what I've built here.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: What would you do?
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: Thanks so much for any guidance, Hannah.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: Hi, Hannah, Hi.
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: So I'm assuming your new York lover knows about your
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: Utah lover, right?
• 5:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah? I both know about each other, and.
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: So are you and your new York lover. Is he
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: polyamorous as well?
• 5:48
  Speaker 4: Yes?
• 5:49
  Speaker 5: Okay, he doesn't really have any serious partners, seeing a
• 5:53
  Speaker 5: couple of people kind of casually, but nothing serious.
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: And how does he feel about your tug to stay
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: in Utah? Part of the reason being your other partner.
• 6:02
  Speaker 4: Probably not great.
• 6:03
  Speaker 5: He can get a little jealous of the partner in
• 6:05
  Speaker 5: Utah a little bit. He comes out to Utah every winter,
• 6:10
  Speaker 5: which is nice. So he was here recently from December
• 6:13
  Speaker 5: till May.
• 6:14
  Speaker 4: Oh.
• 6:15
  Speaker 5: So it's almost like I don't want to move my
• 6:18
  Speaker 5: whole life to New York because he's here sometimes for
• 6:20
  Speaker 5: a long period of time.
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: But well, I mean, how many years has this been
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: going on? Like is there a need to make a change,
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: Like why not keep it rolling the way it's going.
• 6:31
  Speaker 5: I've been seeing him for two years and seeing the
• 6:34
  Speaker 5: partner in Utah for one year. I think he just
• 6:37
  Speaker 5: really wants me to come out to New York. Yeah,
• 6:40
  Speaker 5: he just like really wants it to happen. And also
• 6:42
  Speaker 5: I've always wanted to move to New York. I also
• 6:44
  Speaker 5: have like a vintage for resale styling business on the side,
• 6:49
  Speaker 5: and I feel like every time I go visit him
• 6:50
  Speaker 5: in New York, I get new jobs and meet new
• 6:53
  Speaker 5: connections and it's really nice. But I also have a
• 6:57
  Speaker 5: really pushed set up here in Salt Lake. I have
• 6:59
  Speaker 5: a big house that I can run my business out of,
• 7:02
  Speaker 5: and I can keep a lot of inventory here.
• 7:03
  Speaker 4: I just don't think it would be the same in.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: New York, right, Okay, So and if you did go
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: to New York, would you keep your Utah lover?
• 7:11
  Speaker 4: Yes?
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, hopefully Yeah.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: And okay, so you do have a desire to move
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: to New York and you don't want to live together.
• 7:19
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't want to live together.
• 7:21
  Speaker 5: We have talked about like maybe me living him coming
• 7:25
  Speaker 5: out in the winters, and then me moving to New
• 7:26
  Speaker 5: York in the summers and living in his apartment like
• 7:29
  Speaker 5: four months, switching off because my Utah guy also lives
• 7:34
  Speaker 5: part time in MAUI kind of time things, right.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: If I try I like that idea.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good idea because that way you're not
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: investing in some sort of you know what I mean,
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: You're not putting money down for a place to live,
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: and that way you can test out seeing how you
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: guys operate when you're coexisting, and that way you could
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: remain having the best of both worlds. And and you
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: can also try out your business while you're there.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 8:01
  Speaker 4: Yeah, true.
• 8:01
  Speaker 5: I think I'm just scared of living in such a
• 8:03
  Speaker 5: small apartment. Even when I've lived with other partners, I
• 8:05
  Speaker 5: have in my own bedroom. This is like a one bedroom.
• 8:08
  Speaker 4: It's in a nice area, but yeah, right on top
• 8:11
  Speaker 4: of it.
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: But I think that's a good way to ease into it,
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: to spend, you know, commit to spending a winter's out
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: there and having him come out or sorry, summer and
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: then winter in whichever order. I think that's great to
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: try that and see how that works out. I mean,
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: that's like giving it a you know, a run.
• 8:28
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that can work.
• 8:30
  Speaker 3: It's an easy way to dip your toe in the
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: water without, as Chelsea said, like moving all your stuff
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: and committing to like even a rental space for your
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: business which might be separate from the house, et cetera.
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: And so is there an opportunity for you to also
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: go out to Hawaii to see Utah lover when they're
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: out there.
• 8:47
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean this summer. I'm going to see him
• 8:49
  Speaker 5: in July, so I'll go out there for like a week.
• 8:52
  Speaker 4: It's really nice.
• 8:53
  Speaker 5: My work at least has unlimited PTO and they also
• 8:56
  Speaker 5: will let me work remotely. I just do terrible working
• 8:59
  Speaker 5: remotely to be so I don't stay on task as
• 9:02
  Speaker 5: well as I should.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: I see.
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: I was gonna say, from the social aspect, I was
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: curious what Chelsea thinks about like working remotely, but being
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: in a bustling city like New York.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: Do you feel like that sort of equals out.
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: Versus like being in Utah where it's like a little
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: slower paced and you're working from home.
• 9:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know.
• 9:22
  Speaker 5: I think I think I'm just more nervous about just
• 9:25
  Speaker 5: finances because it's not like I would move into his
• 9:27
  Speaker 5: apartment and I just get to live rent free, sure,
• 9:31
  Speaker 5: and I know that he lives in like a very
• 9:32
  Speaker 5: nice area and I and in order to keep the
• 9:35
  Speaker 5: house like spot that I have here in Utah, I'd
• 9:38
  Speaker 5: have to keep paying that rent even though it's little
• 9:41
  Speaker 5: to nothing. My mom actually owns this house. I live
• 9:44
  Speaker 5: here with my brother and we just pay the mortgage.
• 9:46
  Speaker 5: It would just be kind of like difficult to afford.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: Both, but it would be more difficult to get You mean, like,
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: what does your what are your other options to sell
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: the place?
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: And you tell you're not going to sell it because
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: your brother lives there too, right.
• 9:58
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean I wouldn't sell it. I would just
• 10:00
  Speaker 5: have somebody rents out my room.
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: And can you do that like as a sublet for
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: like the four months that you would be in the
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: in New York for summer.
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: I couldn't really try that.
• 10:09
  Speaker 5: It's a Subletting is not as popular here as New York.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: Right, Well, I think you should just take it, like,
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: I think you should try the exercise in the way
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: that is the most beneficial to you for the first
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: year and see how that works out, and then you
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: could make a bigger commitment if it all works out successfully.
• 10:28
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's good.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it's great. It's awesome. It's like these
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: are goals.
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: It is kind of like the best of both worlds
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: because even if the end result isn't that you move
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: to New York City and that's where you live, you
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: get to like have like a time share house, Like
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: you get to be a bunch of different places. It's
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: a little bit like the benefits of polyamory, right. You
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: get to experience different experiences different people. And this is
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: sort of like, Okay, you are sort of by coastal
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: in a way if you decide to do this.
• 10:56
  Speaker 4: And like different cities bring different things to the table.
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: For Yeah, does that feel like it solves the crux
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: of your question or is there something still nagging?
• 11:10
  Speaker 4: I think it does.
• 11:12
  Speaker 5: I mean, it just makes things tricky with polyamory, Like
• 11:15
  Speaker 5: I worry, like when will I get to talk to
• 11:17
  Speaker 5: the guy here? How does that work? Like just you know,
• 11:21
  Speaker 5: a small apartment. But I mean I'm willing to try.
• 11:24
  Speaker 5: You know, you're not going to know those hurdles and
• 11:25
  Speaker 5: how you handle them unless you actually go out.
• 11:27
  Speaker 4: And try it.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And there's no harm in just trying to like
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: set up like guidelines for that for both of you
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: to be like, Okay, this is let's be practical. I'm
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: going to talk to my other guy, you know, on
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: however frequently you want to, And what is the most
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: comfortable way to do that? Is that something that I
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: need to get out of the house for. Is that
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: something you're going to feel comfortable with me doing?
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: Or should I do that while you're at work?
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: Like, just figure out guidelines before you go into both
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: of these situations that are going to make everyone feel
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: comfortable and respected.
• 11:56
  Speaker 4: That makes sense, right, Awesome?
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: I would break for you job. Yeah.
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: I know you're like hot, you're going to different cities,
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: you're dating lots of people.
• 12:05
  Speaker 4: That's great. It's been great so far.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: So yeah, all right, awesome, thanks for calling. Okay, check
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: in with us, Hannah.
• 12:11
  Speaker 4: I will do Bye.
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: And then we've got one little wondering question to wrap
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: up with Chelsea. I feel like I know, I feel
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: like I know what you're gonna say to this. But
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: our one drink question this week is my friend returned
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: a gift I spent weeks picking out, I searched for
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: the perfect thing, and they said they'd rather have the money.
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: Am I wrong for feeling hurt?
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: No?
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: No, you're not wrong for feeling hurt. But who gives
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: a shit? You know, at the end of the day,
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: these are not the things that are going to keep.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: You up at night.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: It's obnoxious to I want the money instead, But you know,
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: maybe she's just tied on cash and she.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: Needs to catch Yeah. I feel like the friend shouldn't
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: have said they just they shouldn't have said that.
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: But whatever, it's just not a big enough deal to
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: like get your panties in a twist. Yeah, just remember
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: for next time, don't go out of your way looking
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: so hard for a gift for her.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: Oh, and also, folks right in with one drink questions,
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: if you have little shorties that are sort of a
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: yes or no, or like you need Chelsea to fall
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: on one side or the other of a discussion you've
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: been having with your spouse or whatever. Write in and
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: label it a one drink question.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: Awesome. Thanks guys.
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: If you want advice from Chelsea, write into Dear Chelsea
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: podcast at gmail dot com. Dear Chelsea is a production
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: of iHeartMedia. Follow Chelsea on all socials at Chelsea Handler,
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: and find Katherine on TikTok at flash Cadabra. Dear Chelsea
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: is edited and engineered by Brandon Dickert executive producer Katherine Law.
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: Find full video episodes and minisodes now on Netflix, and
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: get tickets to see Chelsea live at Chelseahandler dot com