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THE THINGS PEOPLE SAY · The Karen Kenney Show

• 0:01
  Karen Kenney: Hey you guys, welcome to the Karen Kenney show. So I'm going to keep this suck a super duper short because I there's really, like one thing that I want to,
• 0:10
  really want to say, and that's this. And this, I always say this message is from my ears too. But right now, there's a lot happening in the world, and what's top of
• 0:23
  mind for me is just like all the fires that are happening in Los Angeles area, and both my sweetie and I both lived there for a long time. I lived there for about eight years,
• 0:32
  he lived there for about 11 years, and we both have a soft spot in our heart for California. And one of the things that I'm seeing as people are posting about about the
• 0:44
  fires and about all the devastation and destruction, and you know, people losing their homes and their animals and like, just so much devastation. And while there are
• 0:56
  also a lot of people posting things about where you can, like, evacuate to and shelters for animals, where you can try to get evacuation information. There is a lot
• 1:07
  of beautiful stuff happening, and one of the things I'm also seeing is kind of like this mindless rhetoric that people say to each other. So I might even call this episode,
• 1:20
  the things people say, and I may have talked about this before on another podcast years ago, but there's this thing that happens when tragedy strikes, or grief happens, or
• 1:33
  somebody dies, or there's just a tragedy of some kind, and people tend to want to say something, but they often don't think about what's coming out of their mouth when they
• 1:47
  say it. And so I'm seeing people say things like, you know, you know, great be you know, it's just stuff. Just be grateful. It's just stuff. And I'm sitting there and I'm
• 1:59
  thinking to myself, Okay, number one, people aren't losing just stuff. They are losing their homes. They are losing their pets, their beloved animals. They are losing their
• 2:12
  history, their memories, their memorabilia, things that maybe can't be recreated, things that can't be reproduced, right? And a lot of times in our desire to be helpful or to
• 2:26
  say something, we don't take what is coming out of our mouth all the way through the end of line, like we don't think about it before we say something. I've seen the same thing
• 2:38
  happen when there is a death or somebody loses somebody they love, or a child or whatever. So here's all I'm asking, that we pause, that we slow down enough and pause
• 2:52
  before we type something, write something, say something, record something, send something, text something, post something, about how it might be to be on the receiving
• 3:04
  end of that message. So you have to, number one, slow down. Number two, think about what you're about to say, and a good way to gage whether or not this is something that you
• 3:16
  should actually say. One of the ways is to put yourself in the shoes of the person who's about to receive your message. So picture this. Imagine this. Imagine that you
• 3:30
  have lived in your home anywhere from like four years, five years to 60 years, and you have created memories with your sweetie, your family, your lover, your children, your
• 3:43
  pets, your animals. Maybe you have your own parents ashes, like in a jar or a vase somewhere. You have, you know, pictures of your children, and maybe those children are
• 3:54
  no longer alive. You have a beloved cat or a pet that you've had for anywhere from like one day. Could you fall in love with them right away, to 18 like whatever you have,
• 4:04
  all this stuff, all this history, and then a fire comes that you have no control over it wipes out not only your home, not just a house with stuff in it, your home, your
• 4:17
  neighbors, homes, your neighborhood, Your community, everything that you were familiar with where you live, fell in love with all these things, and then somebody says to you,
• 4:27
  like, oh, you should be grateful, because it's just stuff. Just imagine what that might feel like to read those words. Imagine having a child or somebody that you love die
• 4:46
  and they've passed, you know, maybe they were sick with cancer or something that, you know, they they couldn't do anything about except for do their best to get get the care
• 4:58
  or the medicine or whatever they could. Do, and then they die. And then somebody comes up to you and says, well, at least they aren't suffering anymore.
• 5:12
  So here's all I'm asking in this very short message, this being human is a really fucking hard thing sometimes, and really awful things can happen. And yes, there's
• 5:24
  beautiful things that happen, but it is a precarious thing to be alive and be a human and I am definitely like an old school kid, right where I'm I believe in resiliency. I
• 5:38
  believe in, you know, I believe in toughness and resiliency and tenacity and all those things, and I think those things are really powerful. And I also believe in deep
• 5:53
  compassion and awareness and tenderness and mercy and just being mindful of what is coming out of your mouth when other people are in really vulnerable times, when they
• 6:06
  have been hit by tragedy or devastation, their world has been completely rocked or turned upside down or burned to the ground, when people have lost everything that they
• 6:16
  know, it's like that is not the time To be giving platitudes and saying things it's like, please, for the love of all things fucking holy, put yourself in other people's
• 6:27
  shoes. Really try to think about what it would be like to be on the receiving end of your attitude, your words, your quote, unquote, good intention. I just see so much
• 6:41
  online, and it's literally like, my hat just goes like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, if I read that, if I was on the receiving end of that, I'd be like, you just don't get it.
• 6:53
  And right now, what people really need is your support, your help, your donations, you know, your kindness, your charity, what they don't needs, your words of telling them how
• 7:04
  they should feel when you have no idea what it's like to be them. So people, you know, we're clumsy. We don't mean to be you know, a lot of times we just don't know how to
• 7:15
  deal with other people's grief or suffering or sadness or depression or loss or tragedy, and we feel like I don't know what to say. And, you know, sometimes that's the thing to
• 7:28
  say. I can't even imagine what this is like, and I don't have the words, and I wish I had the words, and I don't know what to say. Just know that I'm here. And, you know,
• 7:38
  another little clue, a little tip, I should say. And I've done this myself. I'm not always perfect at it, right? Sometimes you don't always know people well enough to
• 7:49
  know, like, what to do for them. So you'll say something like, just reach out if you need anything. Let me know if there's anything I can do or whatever. And a lot of
• 7:57
  times you're we're now, we're now lobbing it onto the person who's already traumatized to now get in touch with us and make a list of their needs and tell us. So I highly
• 8:08
  encourage us all to again, slow down. Be mindful, be aware. Think about what you're about to say. Put yourself in their shoes, and then ask yourself, well, what might I
• 8:18
  need, or what have I found to be helpful in the past. Was it that somebody came over and took your dog for a walk, or somebody offered to babysit your kids, or somebody
• 8:27
  came over and just, you know, help, like, of course, got your permission, like, to to deliver some food or clean your house, or did some laundry, or whatever it might be.
• 8:39
  You know, what people really need is our love and our compassion, but also our awakeness and our awareness that we're not just blurting out platitudes and saying
• 8:52
  things and without really thinking about what it would be like to be on the receiving end of those things, not only of the trauma and the tragedy. But of you know the things
• 9:03
  that people say, the things that people say, even when they're well meaning, I know that we sometimes are just clumsy. We don't mean it. We don't mean to say these things. We
• 9:14
  don't mean them for them to be, quote, unquote taken that way. You know, everybody has good intentions, but we know what they say. Right? The road to hell is paved with
• 9:22
  good intentions. So let's, um, let's just do our best to be a little bit more mindful when we're communicating. And you know, prayers are great, okay? Prayers are the
• 9:33
  medium of miracles. Of course, a miracle says, But you know what else is amazing? Action, donating cash, donating food, showing up, donating your time, volunteering
• 9:44
  whatever it is. So that's all I wanted to say. And it's always a reminder to myself as well, that in these times, you know, we all, I mean, it's, it's it's all. It's already
• 9:58
  always clear, but it becomes more and more. And more and more clear in these times of tragedy that we all need each other, and it can be really easy in this world to believe
• 10:08
  in separation and to believe in division and to believe that we are all like against one another, but we are a family of one, and we all need each other, whether we like it or
• 10:18
  not sometimes. So let's go out there and spread more love, more kindness, more compassion, more thoughtfulness and wherever you go. May you and your words and your
• 10:29
  energy and your love be a blessing wherever you go. May you leave yourself in the animals in the environment and the people in the world better than how you found it. So
• 10:39
  be a blessing out there. You guys. So much love to you. Bye, bye.