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Things You Need To Stop Being Scared Of… · Two Broke Chicks

0:00
Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gaddigal Land, Always was, always
0:03
Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land. Heytis, I'm out and not Sau
0:14
Speaker 1: and welcome to Two broath Chicks, the show that shares
0:17
Speaker 1: life lessons and tips to help make you rich in life.
0:21
Speaker 1: And today I'm flying solo. SA and I have decided
0:24
Speaker 1: to go separate ways. She's no longer going to be
0:26
Speaker 1: doing the podcut and kidding. She's just sick. Aha. Did
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Speaker 1: that scare anyone? I hope not. Sal has got some
0:34
Speaker 1: Germys and we have our live show on Saturday, so
0:39
Speaker 1: we are not risking it. By the time this comes out,
0:41
Speaker 1: we'll have done the live show, but we just can't
0:43
Speaker 1: risk spreading the germs and the little baby has to rest,
0:46
Speaker 1: so you're stuck with just me today. Lucky you chicks.
0:50
Speaker 1: I'm feeling a bit naked and I'm feeling a bit
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Speaker 1: vulnerable Without Sau on the couch today, I feel like
0:56
Speaker 1: I'm talking to the voyage and I have no one
0:58
Speaker 1: smiling back at me. But we sold your on because
1:02
Speaker 1: we didn't want to leave you without an episode for
1:03
Speaker 1: this week. And it's also Halloween, so we're going into
1:07
Speaker 1: the theme of scary. I'm scared I'm all alone. We're
1:10
Speaker 1: gonna talk the things you need to stop being scared
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Speaker 1: of in your twenties, thirties and beyond. Because I wanted
1:14
Speaker 1: to do some Halloween esque kind of episode that wasn't
1:19
Speaker 1: just ghost stories, but I did put a story up
1:22
Speaker 1: on Instagram asking for your scariest stories, and we'll do
1:26
Speaker 1: that in the Brooch Chicks hotline. So maybe we'll have
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Speaker 1: a ghost story or maybe it'll be about a man.
1:30
Speaker 1: Both of those terrifying dating and ghosts on the same
1:34
Speaker 1: level of scary to me, you know. But before we
1:36
Speaker 1: get into it, we have to do our Obsession of
1:39
Speaker 1: the week. But it's just my obsession. I can call
1:42
Speaker 1: us out. Why did I call us out? I'm gonna
1:45
Speaker 1: call her and I'm gonna tell her that she's live
1:47
Speaker 1: on air and she asked to give me her obsession
1:49
Speaker 1: of the week because that's like my highlight of these episodes. Helloy, Hi,
1:55
Speaker 1: you're live on air, So what's your obsession of the week?
2:01
Speaker 1: Obsession of the week? Do you know what? I actually
2:06
Speaker 1: finished reading The Housemaid Secret, So the sequel to The
2:12
Speaker 1: Housemaid What did you think?
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Speaker 2: Yes, I thought that it was probably not as good
2:19
Speaker 2: as the first one. But still really really good, such
2:22
Speaker 2: an easy page turner.
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Speaker 3: And obviously picked up that something wasn't quite right, but
2:29
Speaker 3: then the twist that ended up happening, and all of
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Speaker 3: the details within it I didn't guess and I.
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Speaker 1: Really enjoyed it. That's a great obsession. Thank you so
2:38
Speaker 1: much for your contribution, Sally. Oh my god, I've been
2:41
Speaker 1: a long time listener, first.
2:43
Speaker 3: Time caller, so I really appreciate you had me on
2:47
Speaker 3: and I love you so much.
2:48
Speaker 1: Oh my god, thank you so much. We always really
2:50
Speaker 1: ensure that we make time for fans. So yeah, I'm
2:54
Speaker 1: going to be blocking this number after just so that
2:56
Speaker 1: you don't get a parasocial relationship with me. Okay, love
3:00
Speaker 1: you bye, love you.
3:04
Speaker 4: Ah.
3:05
Speaker 1: Let me say okay. So, my obsession of the week
3:09
Speaker 1: is that Lulu Lemon has just won the trademark battle
3:13
Speaker 1: for Lululemon Dupe. This is wild and I don't know
3:17
Speaker 1: if this is just me like nerding out about retail
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Speaker 1: world because I'm so interested in it, but Lululemon is
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Speaker 1: one of the most duped brands in the world, and
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Speaker 1: it suggests that Lulu Lemon is looking to reclaim the term,
3:33
Speaker 1: whether that means to block imitators or for marketing. So
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Speaker 1: I think we're going to see this a lot more
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Speaker 1: with brands trying to get ahead of dupe culture, and
3:46
Speaker 1: with jupes dominating consumer searchers and social feeds, the athleisure
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Speaker 1: giant may be positioning itself to own the conversation. Interestingly,
3:54
Speaker 1: as well, I noticed on TikTok this week that the
3:57
Speaker 1: term dice and jupe has also been blocked, but a
4:02
Speaker 1: lot of other jupe terms, like if you search style
4:04
Speaker 1: Tillbury juupe, you can still search that. So there's definitely
4:09
Speaker 1: this shift in brands stopping the entire conversation around jupes,
4:14
Speaker 1: And I think it depends on how you look at it.
4:17
Speaker 1: And I definitely am interested to see how this evolves, because,
4:20
Speaker 1: like we were talking about on the episode last week,
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Speaker 1: the term jupe now does not hold as much weight
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Speaker 1: as it used to in the past. To me, a
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Speaker 1: jupe is something that has the same quality or the
4:33
Speaker 1: same results at a more affordable price point. And I
4:39
Speaker 1: think now jupes have just become a thing of Oh,
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Speaker 1: it looks the same, it has similar packaging, It must
4:44
Speaker 1: do the exact same thing, or it must have the
4:46
Speaker 1: exact same fiber composition or whatever that is, and it's
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Speaker 1: not necessarily the case. So I'm interested to see how
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Speaker 1: this turns out with Lulu Lemon according to the fashion law.
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Speaker 1: Instead of chasing every knockoff in court, which maybe cost
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Speaker 1: limited and often ineffective, Lulu Lemon maybe laying the groundwork
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Speaker 1: to own the narrative. If dupe is the word shoppers
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Speaker 1: are searching for, maybe Lulu Lemon wants to be what
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Speaker 1: they find lu I'm excited. I'm keen to see what happens.
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Speaker 1: Some of the comments on that post were actually hilarious
5:20
Speaker 1: in terms of like the names that people are gonna
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Speaker 1: use instead of dupe, and I was like, it's like,
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Speaker 1: but I think we'll see a lot more of this
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Speaker 1: in the future. Given that you know, Dice and Gyp's
5:31
Speaker 1: been blocked as a search on TikTok, Lulu Lemon's just
5:34
Speaker 1: won the trademark battle for it, which means sorry, if
5:37
Speaker 1: you new to like lawyer shit, which I am not
5:40
Speaker 1: a lawyer. It basically means like no one else can
5:43
Speaker 1: use that term, is my understanding. So like, if someone
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Speaker 1: posts Lulu Lemon dupe and it's not Lulu Lemon or
5:51
Speaker 1: anything like that, they can basically file to have that removed,
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Speaker 1: is my understanding. That's kind of what happened with like
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Speaker 1: Jeff Avenue, where people were posting like Amazon dupes and
6:03
Speaker 1: of Jeff Avenue and they would say Jeff Avenue jupe
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Speaker 1: or whatever, and it wasn't actually Jeff Avenue, and they
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Speaker 1: started getting all of the content removed for copyright infringement,
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Speaker 1: which gave the brand a lot of backlash because they
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Speaker 1: were targeting small creators and not necessarily the brands that
6:18
Speaker 1: were creating the dupe or the copy. But yeah, I
6:24
Speaker 1: think we'll wait and see what Lulu Lemon's going to
6:27
Speaker 1: do with this trademark. But interesting, let's get into the episode.
6:32
Speaker 1: So I've written down four things that are now on
6:36
Speaker 1: my list of things you need to stop being scared
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Speaker 1: of it. And this is just as much for you
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Speaker 1: as it is for me. Some of these I feel
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Speaker 1: like I've conquered my fear, and some of these I
6:46
Speaker 1: am still within the journey of conquering this fear. So
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Speaker 1: Number one being alone. Most people that we speak to
6:56
Speaker 1: about friendship and self worth and self love and the
7:00
Speaker 1: on this show and in life, the fear of being
7:04
Speaker 1: alone is one of the strongest things that you have
7:07
Speaker 1: in your twenties and beyond, Like whether or not you've
7:09
Speaker 1: just moved out of home, whether or not you've just
7:11
Speaker 1: broken up with a partner. It's never a natural journey.
7:15
Speaker 1: You kind of just end up plunked in a position
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Speaker 1: and you're like, oh, I'm on my own. Or you're
7:21
Speaker 1: within a situation that you don't want to leave, whether
7:23
Speaker 1: it's toxic friends, whether it's a toxic workplace, whether it's
7:26
Speaker 1: a toxic relationship, you don't want to leave that because
7:29
Speaker 1: you're scared of being alone. And not being afraid of
7:33
Speaker 1: being alone starts with realizing that solitude isn't a punishment,
7:39
Speaker 1: it's more a reset, you know. And in Australia, nearly
7:43
Speaker 1: one in four adults report feeling lonely. Yet even though
7:50
Speaker 1: studies show that spending intentional time alone can actually improve mood, creativity,
7:57
Speaker 1: and emotional regulation when it's chosen in rather than forced,
8:02
Speaker 1: so a lot of the time, this fear of being
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Speaker 1: alone comes from the fact that we feel like it's
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Speaker 1: forced upon us. And because we're so scared of being alone, right,
8:13
Speaker 1: we never choose to do it. We never intentionally say
8:17
Speaker 1: I'm going to go on a solo adventure. I'm going
8:19
Speaker 1: to go to the movies by myself. I'm going to
8:23
Speaker 1: spend this Friday night in even though all of my
8:25
Speaker 1: friends are going out. I really just want some time
8:27
Speaker 1: to myself. And solitude lets you hear your own thoughts
8:32
Speaker 1: without the noise of other people's opinion. It gives you
8:35
Speaker 1: space to reconnect with your values and goals, and it's
8:38
Speaker 1: also a powerful way to build self trust. Being able
8:43
Speaker 1: to hang out on your own and be content with
8:46
Speaker 1: that is one of the most powerful things you can have.
8:49
Speaker 1: This was something that I severely struggled with in my
8:54
Speaker 1: early twenties, to the point that if I didn't have plans,
8:59
Speaker 1: I was so embarrassed. I was like, if someone at
9:03
Speaker 1: work was like, oh, what are you doing this weekend?
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Speaker 1: Are you getting out to anything? And I didn't have
9:07
Speaker 1: anyone to hang out with, like, and I wasn't doing anything,
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Speaker 1: I would make stuff up, like I would lie as
9:14
Speaker 1: if I did have plans, because I was one feeling
9:17
Speaker 1: so bad about myself for the fact that I didn't
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Speaker 1: have plans and I didn't want to hang out by myself,
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Speaker 1: and two for how other people would perceive that, Like
9:25
Speaker 1: I was so scared of people thinking that I was
9:26
Speaker 1: a loser, that I didn't have any friends, eh, Whereas
9:30
Speaker 1: now I fucking love being a lot. If I know
9:34
Speaker 1: that I've got a Friday night coming up, and like
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Speaker 1: my boyfriend's going out with his friends or is not
9:40
Speaker 1: going to be home, and then like my friends are
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Speaker 1: doing something, but I'm like, God, I don't have to
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Speaker 1: be there. It's not like a birthday or something, and
9:47
Speaker 1: I guess just have the apartment to myself, hang out
9:50
Speaker 1: with my cats, order an arabiata pasta, and watch some
9:53
Speaker 1: shitty movie mm Chef's Kiss. I love it. That didn't
9:59
Speaker 1: happen over. It happened through reframing alone to with myself.
10:07
Speaker 1: I started doing you know, mini exposure therapy to it.
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Speaker 1: So like taking myself out for coffee, you know, going
10:14
Speaker 1: for a walk without my phone and also by myself.
10:17
Speaker 1: I mean start with your phone because that's abrasive, and
10:22
Speaker 1: you know, cooking dinner just for myself. And the more
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Speaker 1: comfortable you get being alone, the less lonely you'll ever feel,
10:30
Speaker 1: because you'll know you've always got you. Like that is
10:34
Speaker 1: a friendship you can never break. You'll never go through
10:37
Speaker 1: a friendship breakup with yourself. You're always there. And so
10:40
Speaker 1: when you realize that and realize that you can always
10:43
Speaker 1: rely on yourself to pick yourself up when you're feeling down,
10:46
Speaker 1: to make yourself happy, to entertain yourself when you're bored,
10:50
Speaker 1: it's so much fun. Like I love cleaning the house
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Speaker 1: by myself, which is a term that I never thought
10:56
Speaker 1: I would say, And I've just realized that. Once upon
10:58
Speaker 1: a time I was twenty and hot, and now I'm
11:00
Speaker 1: thirty and I just said I love cleaning by myself.
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Speaker 1: What's happened. It's fine, I like myself, but I love
11:07
Speaker 1: doing that because I play the music that I want
11:09
Speaker 1: to listen to. I put on like my musical theater playlist,
11:12
Speaker 1: and I sing so badly. I dance around in front
11:16
Speaker 1: of my cats, and I have the best fucking time.
11:18
Speaker 1: It's so much fun. I kind of want to do
11:20
Speaker 1: it this afternoon now I've just spoken about it. But
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Speaker 1: there is a difference between being alone and the fear
11:28
Speaker 1: of being alone versus the fear of being lonely. And
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Speaker 1: we actually go into it in our book Finding Your People,
11:34
Speaker 1: where we have an entire chapter on the power of
11:37
Speaker 1: being your own best friend. So I wanted to read
11:39
Speaker 1: that snippet one because we don't talk about our book
11:42
Speaker 1: enough to be honest, and two, I think I've never
11:46
Speaker 1: said it better in my entire life. However, there is
11:49
Speaker 1: one thing we need to realize. Spending time alone is
11:52
Speaker 1: not a failure, but a privilege. Learning to enjoy my
11:56
Speaker 1: own company came from understanding the difference between being alone
12:00
Speaker 1: and being lonely. Believing that loneliness and being alone is
12:04
Speaker 1: the same thing is a common misconception. Being alone is physical,
12:08
Speaker 1: it's a fact in that moment there are no others
12:12
Speaker 1: around you. Being lonely is a state of mind, it's
12:15
Speaker 1: a feeling. Often this is what fuels our fear of
12:19
Speaker 1: being physically alone. We believe that if there is no
12:22
Speaker 1: one around us, we're abandoned and isolated, and it scares
12:26
Speaker 1: the shit out of us. At least it scared the
12:28
Speaker 1: shit out of me. When the most fulfilling and gratifying
12:31
Speaker 1: relationship you have is with yourself, all other relationships, friendships,
12:35
Speaker 1: and connections in your life further enrich your happiness. So
12:40
Speaker 1: the main point within that.
12:42
Speaker 2: Is that.
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Speaker 1: Just because you are spending your Friday night at home
12:48
Speaker 1: on your own does not mean you're lonely. It means
12:53
Speaker 1: you don't need to be scared of spending your Friday
12:55
Speaker 1: night alone by yourself because it has nothing to do
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Speaker 1: with with your emotional state. It's a fact you are
13:04
Speaker 1: on your own at home. And I think that's where
13:07
Speaker 1: this fear of being alone comes from, because that physical
13:10
Speaker 1: state of being alone, we think, correlates to being lonely,
13:15
Speaker 1: when they're two different things. You can have the most beautiful, amazing,
13:19
Speaker 1: stunning friendships in the world and you can still not
13:22
Speaker 1: have any plans. And I think as well, if you
13:25
Speaker 1: can't be on your own, that's something that to work
13:28
Speaker 1: through because there is so much power in being able
13:31
Speaker 1: to just sit with that and not see it as
13:35
Speaker 1: a bad thing. So I'm literally living proof as someone
13:38
Speaker 1: who used to literally lie about being on their own,
13:43
Speaker 1: that you absolutely can fall in love with yourself and
13:47
Speaker 1: fall in love with spending time with yourself. So let
13:50
Speaker 1: go of that fear. Stop being scared of it. I
13:53
Speaker 1: promise you you will look back and be like, what
13:56
Speaker 1: was I so scared of? Number two of things? You
13:59
Speaker 1: need to stop being scared of failure. I know, I
14:03
Speaker 1: know we like throw this term around and I probably
14:05
Speaker 1: sound like some like male American motivational speaker, being like,
14:10
Speaker 1: you need to start being scared of your failures. I
14:13
Speaker 1: have a point. Getting comfortable with failure is about detaching
14:17
Speaker 1: your worth from your wins. As someone who is so
14:22
Speaker 1: competitive with myself, I am constantly striving to be better
14:28
Speaker 1: and good at everything, and I definitely am still working
14:32
Speaker 1: on this. If something that we do in work flops,
14:35
Speaker 1: like I'm thinking about it all night, being like, Okay,
14:38
Speaker 1: how can I make it bigger? How can I make
14:39
Speaker 1: it better? Like why did that not land? And that
14:42
Speaker 1: happens sometimes and then it doesn't happen other times. A
14:44
Speaker 1: win is like yes, oh my god. But I never
14:48
Speaker 1: actually even celebrate wins for that long because I then
14:52
Speaker 1: focus on a failure, being like, all right, well, that's
14:54
Speaker 1: good that over there is running well, I don't need
14:57
Speaker 1: to worry about that. What about this thing over here
15:00
Speaker 1: that's not doing as well as I want it to?
15:02
Speaker 1: And it's just a shit way of going about life.
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Speaker 1: In Australia, where the startup and small business scene sees
15:09
Speaker 1: around one in seven businesses close each year, failure is
15:13
Speaker 1: statistically inevitable. You are going to fail. Being scared of
15:18
Speaker 1: that means you're never going to do anything. It's not shameful.
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Speaker 1: It's data. Right, That's how I've shifted my mind. Failure
15:29
Speaker 1: is not defeat, it's literally data. It's a life lesson.
15:34
Speaker 1: Every attempt that doesn't land teaches you what does work
15:39
Speaker 1: faster than overthinking ever will. Psychologists actually call this cognitive reframing.
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Speaker 1: So research shows that it actually helps build long term
15:48
Speaker 1: resilience and problem solving skills. So the goal isn't to
15:52
Speaker 1: love failure. The goal isn't to be like, I don't
15:55
Speaker 1: care if I fail. Obviously we still want to care,
15:59
Speaker 1: but it's to see it as more of a stepping
16:02
Speaker 1: stone rather than a stop sign. When you start treating
16:05
Speaker 1: your flops's failure, you take the fear out of trying again,
16:09
Speaker 1: and that's where momentum begins. So I wanted to wrap
16:12
Speaker 1: this with the famous people who failed before they became
16:17
Speaker 1: a success, so that you can see that even the
16:20
Speaker 1: most successful people have failed. It's just not as public
16:24
Speaker 1: as you think it is. We watch people online, you know,
16:27
Speaker 1: be famous and be successful, but that's when we were
16:31
Speaker 1: introduced to them. Oh that's how they come onto our radar, right,
16:34
Speaker 1: because they're a big success. What we don't see is
16:37
Speaker 1: all the fuck ups that they had along the way
16:38
Speaker 1: or all the failures that got them there, and normalizing
16:42
Speaker 1: that and talking about that is so motivating. Like I
16:45
Speaker 1: love that. I'm like, yes, tell me how you failed
16:47
Speaker 1: because you were so successful now not because the feet
16:50
Speaker 1: of people's failure. Okay. Number one Taylor Swift's album Reputation
16:54
Speaker 1: was snubbed by the Grammy's main categories of album, Record,
16:58
Speaker 1: and Song, to which she replied, this is fine. I
17:01
Speaker 1: just need to make a better album. She had three
17:03
Speaker 1: nominations for the following album. The year after number two,
17:08
Speaker 1: Oprah Winfrey was fired from her first TV job as
17:11
Speaker 1: an anchor in Baltimore. She's now worth three point two
17:14
Speaker 1: billion dollars USD with that at aud and start crying.
17:19
Speaker 1: Via Wang failed to make the nineteen sixty eight US
17:22
Speaker 1: Olympic figure skating team. Then she became an editor at Vogue,
17:26
Speaker 1: but was passed over for the editor in chief position.
17:29
Speaker 1: Now one of the biggest designers in the world, Lady
17:32
Speaker 1: Gaga was dropped by her record label, Island def Jam
17:35
Speaker 1: after three months. She cried so hard she couldn't talk.
17:39
Speaker 1: She now has fourteen Grammys, a Sports Emmy Award, two
17:43
Speaker 1: Golden Globe Awards and twenty two MTV Video Music Awards
17:47
Speaker 1: and a recognition from the Songwriters Hall of Fame. Slate
17:51
Speaker 1: Queen Vincent Van Goh sold one painting in his lifetime.
17:55
Speaker 1: Now his work sells for over one hundred million dollars.
17:59
Speaker 1: Elvis Presley was fired after his first performance at the
18:02
Speaker 1: Grand Old Opry and told to go back to truck driving.
18:06
Speaker 1: Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team,
18:09
Speaker 1: and Walt Disney was fired from The Kansas City Star
18:12
Speaker 1: because his editor felt he lacked imagination and had no
18:15
Speaker 1: good ideas. So I think Oprah said it best as
18:19
Speaker 1: Oprah tends to do when she said there is no
18:22
Speaker 1: such thing as failure. Failure is just life trying to
18:26
Speaker 1: move us in another direction. So stop being scared of failure,
18:30
Speaker 1: because it's very likely the reason that you'll succeed. Number three,
18:33
Speaker 1: this is Dawn. That I've got to work on is
18:37
Speaker 1: to stop being scared of fictional scenarios. I don't know
18:41
Speaker 1: what happened during the conception of me that made me
18:46
Speaker 1: the most creative writer in my own head. Ever, Like
18:51
Speaker 1: I can sit here and create a fictional scenario that
18:56
Speaker 1: has no evidence that it's going to happen that no
18:58
Speaker 1: one said anything, no, no one's done anything, but I
19:01
Speaker 1: create these scenarios that a fiction that I'm so scared
19:06
Speaker 1: of happening. Being scared of fictional scenarios that haven't happened
19:09
Speaker 1: is one of the biggest vibe killers and energy drainers
19:13
Speaker 1: in modern life, and it's incredibly common as well. Like,
19:17
Speaker 1: I'm not going to beat myself up for it, and
19:18
Speaker 1: neither should you if you feel the same way, because
19:22
Speaker 1: it's actually got a name. So psychologists call it catastrophizing,
19:26
Speaker 1: a thinking pattern where your brain jumps straight to the
19:29
Speaker 1: worst possible outcome. I literally want to piss myself laughing
19:32
Speaker 1: because I'm thinking of how relatable this is. So research
19:36
Speaker 1: shows that more than sixty percent of Australians regularly overthink
19:40
Speaker 1: or worry about future events, even though ninety one percent
19:45
Speaker 1: of those fears never come true. Humbled. So our brains
19:48
Speaker 1: evolved to predict danger, right, but in twenty twenty five,
19:53
Speaker 1: it's more likely to invent it. Like our brains when
19:56
Speaker 1: we're you know, evolving being like ooh bad, there's a
19:59
Speaker 1: tiger there. It's gonna eat me. That's a terrible example,
20:03
Speaker 1: but you get it, like that's come from evolution of
20:06
Speaker 1: fight or flight and anticipating the dangers around us, whereas
20:10
Speaker 1: now the danger is like, oh my gosh, it's so
20:14
Speaker 1: minuscule in comparison. But the problem is your body doesn't
20:18
Speaker 1: know the difference between a real threat and an imagined one,
20:22
Speaker 1: so it releases the same stress hormones either way. And
20:27
Speaker 1: the answer to this is grounding yourself in evidence. And
20:31
Speaker 1: this is what I'm trying to do more of. So
20:34
Speaker 1: it's asking myself, like, what's actually happening right now, Like
20:38
Speaker 1: what has fueled this fear of an imaginary scenario that's
20:43
Speaker 1: literally not even happened, And try asking do I have
20:47
Speaker 1: real proof of this? Or is this a story that
20:51
Speaker 1: I'm writing. Most of the time, it's fiction. You're the author,
20:55
Speaker 1: and it's not even happening, so you can stop mid chapter.
20:59
Speaker 1: And That's what I'm trying I do. And a quote
21:01
Speaker 1: that I tell myself often that I find really really
21:04
Speaker 1: helps when I'm kind of in that spiral of being
21:07
Speaker 1: an author but I'm actually just stressing myself out is
21:12
Speaker 1: when you stress about something before it's happened, you stress
21:15
Speaker 1: about it twice. Who wants to do that? So asking
21:19
Speaker 1: yourself do I prove this is real or is this
21:21
Speaker 1: a story I'm writing is going to really help you
21:24
Speaker 1: avoid that fear. Number four, and our final one before
21:27
Speaker 1: we get into bro chicks hotline is you need to
21:30
Speaker 1: stop being scared of being embarrassing or being cringe. Because
21:35
Speaker 1: I don't know when being cringe became the ultimate social sin,
21:38
Speaker 1: but I'm over it. Not being scared of being embarrassing
21:44
Speaker 1: or cringe is honestly one of the most freeing mindset
21:47
Speaker 1: shifts you can make, because the truth is, everybody's too busy,
21:52
Speaker 1: no one cares, they're thinking about themselves to remember your
21:55
Speaker 1: awkward moment. I literally this is an old story that
22:00
Speaker 1: I told on the podcast. I've had a lot of
22:01
Speaker 1: embarrassing moments, a lot of embarrassing moments. I literally love them.
22:07
Speaker 1: There was one when I was getting my coffee in
22:09
Speaker 1: the morning and it was May and I was walking
22:14
Speaker 1: down the main road of Bondai and there was all
22:16
Speaker 1: this traffic because it was in the morning. I was
22:18
Speaker 1: getting my coffee. My fly was undone, and I was like,
22:20
Speaker 1: because my belly was I was like getting this wind.
22:23
Speaker 1: I was like, why my belly cold? Look down, my
22:26
Speaker 1: fly is undone and my Grinch underwear is on show
22:30
Speaker 1: for everyone, Peter Alexander, if you're wondering, it was May,
22:34
Speaker 1: first of all, and I've just showed everyone in Bondai
22:37
Speaker 1: my Grinch underwear. And in that moment I got so
22:40
Speaker 1: embarrassed and I was like, Oh my god, that's so embarrassing.
22:42
Speaker 1: That's so embarrassing. And then my brain just went, I
22:45
Speaker 1: don't know you fucks who cares. They are all lovely people.
22:48
Speaker 1: That's not to say that, but I was like, I
22:50
Speaker 1: don't even know any of them. And you know what,
22:53
Speaker 1: I can bet you AE hundred dollars that every single
22:57
Speaker 1: one of those people that saw my underwear to this
22:59
Speaker 1: day probably don't remember it. If they do, it's probably
23:02
Speaker 1: because they really liked them and they went out and
23:04
Speaker 1: bought them for themselves. But I bet you any money
23:07
Speaker 1: if someone went up, oh, have you ever seen anyone
23:09
Speaker 1: with their fly down that was wearing grin hundies in May,
23:11
Speaker 1: they would all say no, they wouldn't remember. Maybe it
23:14
Speaker 1: gave them a good chuckle, but that's it. And research
23:17
Speaker 1: actually backs this up because we drastically overestimate how much
23:21
Speaker 1: others notice or care about our mistakes. And it's a
23:24
Speaker 1: phenomenon called this spotlight effect. What feels mortifying to you
23:30
Speaker 1: barely registers to anyone else in a culture obsessed with
23:34
Speaker 1: curating being cool and that girl and like the its thing,
23:41
Speaker 1: like being unfiltered or earnest can actually make you more
23:44
Speaker 1: authentic and magnetic. Like every confident person you admire has
23:49
Speaker 1: had a cringe error. Austin Butler, I think that's the
23:53
Speaker 1: actor he was on that TikTok show. I feel like
23:56
Speaker 1: that diminishes what it is. It's like that series that
23:59
Speaker 1: guy that sits on the train and they have mics
24:01
Speaker 1: on the on the little train cards, you know, the one.
24:04
Speaker 1: I'll put a link in the show notes. And Austin
24:07
Speaker 1: Butler was on it, and he was like, what's your
24:09
Speaker 1: hot take? And he said, embarrassment is an under explored emotion.
24:15
Speaker 1: I completely agree. We hate the feeling of being embarrassed.
24:19
Speaker 1: We hate the feeling of being out of our comfort zone,
24:21
Speaker 1: so we completely avoid it. We completely do everything we
24:24
Speaker 1: can to not be embarrassed. And I'm not saying, actually yeah,
24:28
Speaker 1: I am saying. I am saying you should go out
24:30
Speaker 1: every day or at least once a week, and try
24:32
Speaker 1: do something that makes you feel a little bit embarrassed
24:35
Speaker 1: that you don't have to be good at everything. And
24:38
Speaker 1: that's the thing that it was for me, is that
24:39
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, especially even when we started doing
24:42
Speaker 1: this job, I was like, fuck, people from high school
24:45
Speaker 1: are going to think I'm cringe. Like it's get to
24:47
Speaker 1: be so embarrassing. Like if I'm in public and I've
24:49
Speaker 1: got to film something, I'm like, oh, you know. Recently,
24:53
Speaker 1: like whenever we do TV or do interviews, we filmed
24:57
Speaker 1: an ad for Master Foods. Right, it was a fool
25:00
Speaker 1: like full show, like there was crew, there was audio,
25:04
Speaker 1: there was video, there was a director, and I don't act.
25:07
Speaker 1: I assured him to be honest, like, no, that's being
25:11
Speaker 1: mean to myself. But I was so nervous, and I like,
25:15
Speaker 1: at the start, I was so within myself because I
25:18
Speaker 1: was so embarrassed that I was going to be bad
25:20
Speaker 1: or I was going to be cringed because I was trying,
25:24
Speaker 1: you know, like I was trying to do something like
25:26
Speaker 1: that I didn't have a lot of experience doing. But
25:29
Speaker 1: by the end of it, I was like, you know what,
25:31
Speaker 1: fuck it balls to the wall. I'm just gonna have fun.
25:34
Speaker 1: But I really liked that quote. Is that Embarrassment is
25:37
Speaker 1: an under explored motion, and I feel like I want
25:41
Speaker 1: to explore it more. Not in the way that I'm like,
25:45
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go run naked through the streets, even though
25:47
Speaker 1: that sounds like a lot of fun, but it's to
25:50
Speaker 1: do the things you're scared of doing, even if it
25:53
Speaker 1: means maybe someone will think it's cringe, or maybe it
25:56
Speaker 1: might be a bit cringe. Every confident person has had
25:59
Speaker 1: a cringe era and they didn't quit during it, you know,
26:03
Speaker 1: So post the thing, wear the outfit, say what you mean,
26:08
Speaker 1: and ask yourself, would you rather be embarrassed or regretful?
26:12
Speaker 1: Because embarrassment fades in minutes, but regret sticks around for years.
26:17
Speaker 1: So the more you practice being seen, whether it's messy
26:20
Speaker 1: or silly or real, the less power cringe has over you.
26:24
Speaker 1: And remember, it's only embarrassing if you're embarrassed. I'm going
26:29
Speaker 1: to wrap this with a little segment which is my
26:33
Speaker 1: Braver by bedtime checklist. So it's four questions to ask
26:38
Speaker 1: yourself before you go to bed to prove that you
26:41
Speaker 1: were braver than when you woke up that day. So
26:44
Speaker 1: it's one did I ask for one concrete thing I
26:47
Speaker 1: want today? Two? Did I publish or do something imperfect? Three?
26:54
Speaker 1: Did I choose one step over endless planning? And by
26:57
Speaker 1: that I mean did you start the thing? Did you
27:01
Speaker 1: take initiative in something that you want to do that
27:03
Speaker 1: you've been a little bit scared to do rather than
27:05
Speaker 1: being like planning and planning and planning and not actually
27:09
Speaker 1: doing it? And number four and finally, did I let
27:12
Speaker 1: one thing end without over explaining? If you hit two
27:16
Speaker 1: out of four, you're officially scarier than your furies, which
27:19
Speaker 1: is a massive sleigh. And another little piece of homework
27:22
Speaker 1: that I want you to do and that could be
27:24
Speaker 1: helpful to overcome. The things that you should stop being
27:26
Speaker 1: scared of is the thirty minute courage sprint timer on
27:31
Speaker 1: phone in another room, do the highest dread task. First,
27:36
Speaker 1: celebrate with something trivial and delightful. It literally could be
27:39
Speaker 1: going and sitting in the sun in a park, or
27:41
Speaker 1: it could be a little snack, or it could be
27:44
Speaker 1: your favorite song. You know, your brain can't actually tell
27:47
Speaker 1: the difference between anxiety and excitement, at least not physiologically,
27:53
Speaker 1: so both emotions trigger almost identical chemical and physical responses.
27:59
Speaker 1: So your heart races, your palms get a bit sweaty.
28:02
Speaker 1: Maybe your pupils dilate and your body releases adrenaline and
28:06
Speaker 1: cortisol to heighten alertness. Your nervous system is activated and
28:11
Speaker 1: ready for action, but your body can just label it
28:15
Speaker 1: as danger rather than an opportunity. It's kind of like
28:18
Speaker 1: what we were saying earlier. So, according to research from
28:21
Speaker 1: Harvard Business School, when people consciously reframe anxiety as excitement,
28:28
Speaker 1: like I'm excited instead of I'm nervous, their performance in
28:32
Speaker 1: stressful situations like public speaking or interviews significantly improves. That's
28:39
Speaker 1: because you're not trying to suppress the energy, you're redirecting it.
28:44
Speaker 1: When you try to suppress the energy, it actually amplifies
28:47
Speaker 1: the anxiety instead redirect it. The amygdala, which is your
28:52
Speaker 1: brain's emotional alarm system, fires either way, but how your
28:56
Speaker 1: prefrontal cortex interprets that signal determines your experience. So next
29:02
Speaker 1: time your stomach flips before like a big moment, don't
29:05
Speaker 1: rush to calm down. Relabel it. Say this feeling means
29:11
Speaker 1: I care or my body's gearing up for something exciting.
29:15
Speaker 1: You're not lying to yourself, You're teaching your brain a
29:18
Speaker 1: new story about the same sensation. Over time, this tiny
29:22
Speaker 1: mental shift rewires your stress response, turning panic into power.
29:27
Speaker 1: And this is exactly what I've used the entire tour
29:30
Speaker 1: that we've been doing with live shows, because the whole
29:33
Speaker 1: time we're getting ready with like hair and makeup and
29:35
Speaker 1: photographers and tech and all that stuff, every single person
29:39
Speaker 1: asks me at least once, are you feeling nervous? Hey
29:42
Speaker 1: feeling The very first live show we did, I was, Oh,
29:46
Speaker 1: I could have thrown up. I was so nervous, so nervous.
29:50
Speaker 1: And then one of my best friends texted me and said, remember,
29:54
Speaker 1: your brain doesn't know the difference between nervous and excited,
29:59
Speaker 1: So stomp your feet, eat and get excited. And I
30:02
Speaker 1: did that, and I stomped my feet on the ground
30:04
Speaker 1: and I got really excited, and I wound myself up
30:06
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, yeah, I'm ready to go.
30:08
Speaker 1: And that is what I do now every time before
30:11
Speaker 1: a live show, those butterflies in my tummy. I'm excited,
30:14
Speaker 1: I tell myself, I'm excited. It's okay to be a
30:17
Speaker 1: little bit nervous. Sometimes it's okay to not be like
30:20
Speaker 1: I'm king of the world, I'm so confident. But you're
30:23
Speaker 1: also allowed to be excited for the things that make
30:25
Speaker 1: you nervous too. So that's been the thing that absolutely
30:29
Speaker 1: changed my life. And yeah, those are my four things
30:33
Speaker 1: you need to stop being scared of. So on that note,
30:36
Speaker 1: let's get into the bro Chicks Hotline. So, if you're
30:39
Speaker 1: new to the bro Chicks Hotline, this is our new
30:42
Speaker 1: little segment where you chicks can voice note in your tales,
30:48
Speaker 1: your diabolical confessions, or advice or dilemmas. So let's lock in.
30:56
Speaker 1: This first one is anonymous, so let's see what she
30:59
Speaker 1: has to.
31:00
Speaker 4: I was dating this guy for about six months to
31:05
Speaker 4: a year, and he moved in quite quickly because he
31:12
Speaker 4: had just left his wife. A massive oversight on the
31:17
Speaker 4: red flag on my end, I will happully admit.
31:21
Speaker 1: That chick we love a self away claim. He always
31:24
Speaker 1: stayed up really late, and.
31:28
Speaker 4: I could see him from my bed on the balcony.
31:30
Speaker 4: He would always just be on the balcony on his phone,
31:32
Speaker 4: and I used to lay in bed and look at
31:34
Speaker 4: him and think, God, what is he doing.
31:37
Speaker 2: So bizarre?
31:39
Speaker 4: And since I was in my very early twenties, I
31:42
Speaker 4: promised myself I would never look through another partner's phone.
31:48
Speaker 4: And then one day I just had this urge. I
31:51
Speaker 4: woke up and it was It's so bizarre to explain,
31:54
Speaker 4: but it's like, I just had this urge and I
31:58
Speaker 4: just had.
31:59
Speaker 1: To check his phone. Oh my god, tell me.
32:03
Speaker 4: I discovered that he had grinder and he had been
32:06
Speaker 4: leaving the house in the middle of the night to
32:09
Speaker 4: go in a sleep with various numerous men. There was videos,
32:13
Speaker 4: There was more truth than what I needed.
32:17
Speaker 1: I kind of feel a bit sad because that person
32:20
Speaker 1: obviously wasn't living their authentic life. They felt like they
32:24
Speaker 1: had to hide that about themselves. But on the other end,
32:30
Speaker 1: it's also not an excuse to be cheating on someone,
32:33
Speaker 1: Like it's not an excuse to be dishonest with someone
32:36
Speaker 1: or move into their apartment and then be literally cheating
32:40
Speaker 1: on them in the middle of the night. Whatever your
32:42
Speaker 1: sexual orientation is diabolical behavior. But I hope they have
32:48
Speaker 1: found themselves and the strength to be who they authentically are.
32:52
Speaker 1: Can I just say A woman's intuition is never wrong.
32:56
Speaker 1: A woman's intuition is always so fucking on the money.
32:59
Speaker 1: If you get this gut feeling about someone and you're like,
33:03
Speaker 1: I don't trust you, nine times out of ten, it's right, Like,
33:07
Speaker 1: if you get a gut feeling about someone that you're
33:08
Speaker 1: dating or a friend that you're like, I don't know
33:10
Speaker 1: if they're really my friend, trust it. Trust it. There's
33:14
Speaker 1: a reason why women were branded witches because we know,
33:18
Speaker 1: we know what's going on. We've only got time one more,
33:21
Speaker 1: so we'll run this one.
33:22
Speaker 5: I've been single for a while and on the dating app,
33:26
Speaker 5: so I was spiping and came across a good looking guy.
33:31
Speaker 5: The only issue is that about ten years ago, my
33:36
Speaker 5: friend at a one night stand with him. Now I
33:40
Speaker 5: know there's no feeling, there's no concerns regarding the guy
33:44
Speaker 5: she's moved on as a new partner that she lives
33:48
Speaker 5: with gloves very much. I'm wondering whether it's worth matching
33:53
Speaker 5: with him given.
33:55
Speaker 1: This one friend. Every time one of us girls.
33:59
Speaker 5: Seem to get a new partner or anything like that,
34:02
Speaker 5: it's actually becomes territorial over the men. And I know
34:05
Speaker 5: it's not about them, but it could be things like, oh,
34:08
Speaker 5: that was my you know, boyfriend in grade three, or
34:14
Speaker 5: we used to take avs together when we were in kindergarten.
34:17
Speaker 1: Or something like that, and always.
34:19
Speaker 5: Makes an effort to know that you know that she's
34:22
Speaker 5: closer with him or has known him for longer than
34:25
Speaker 5: us that are dating them.
34:26
Speaker 1: So I'm just wondering what do I do? Is it
34:29
Speaker 1: worth the hassle.
34:32
Speaker 4: Help the girl out?
34:36
Speaker 1: See I'm scared for this segment because Sal's always the
34:38
Speaker 1: voice of reason in this So I'm probably just gonna
34:41
Speaker 1: sit here and give a really bad a bus but
34:43
Speaker 1: lock in. Okay, I think it depends. I think it
34:47
Speaker 1: depends how long ago your friends slept with this person
34:51
Speaker 1: that you want to match with. Right, if it was
34:54
Speaker 1: like ten years ago, it's one night. It was ten
34:57
Speaker 1: years ago, has no stake or claim to that. I
35:02
Speaker 1: think personally, I would always just still raise it with
35:05
Speaker 1: the person. I think if it was like a year ago,
35:07
Speaker 1: I'd probably just stay clear. It's probably not worth a
35:10
Speaker 1: headache because, as you've said, like she has this thing
35:13
Speaker 1: of an attachment to people that she has a history with,
35:16
Speaker 1: whether it was platonic or romantic, And so I think
35:20
Speaker 1: it depends on how much it would affect you. If
35:23
Speaker 1: she was upset, if this is like your best friend, right,
35:26
Speaker 1: you probably would bring it to her and I would say, like,
35:31
Speaker 1: this has happened, He's come up on my hinge. You
35:33
Speaker 1: guys might not even match. Ah, I wish Soal was here. Look,
35:38
Speaker 1: there's two ways you can go about this. You can
35:40
Speaker 1: match and see if you match, then you take it
35:42
Speaker 1: to it. You guys might not, no, because then what
35:44
Speaker 1: if he tells her, Oh my god, this is stressful.
35:46
Speaker 1: I'm gonna call Soal. I'm phoning a friend. He Hi, Okay,
35:50
Speaker 1: you're back on air. I needed to phone a friend
35:53
Speaker 1: for advice with the chicks. Okay, So here's the situation.
35:58
Speaker 1: This chick has called in and she is on the
36:02
Speaker 1: dating app and there's this really hot guy that she
36:05
Speaker 1: wants to match with, and the issue is that one
36:10
Speaker 1: of her friends had a one night stand with him
36:13
Speaker 1: a while ago. She's now in like a happy relationship,
36:17
Speaker 1: loved up, stunning, we don't know how long ago she
36:21
Speaker 1: slept with him, and like this friend is again in
36:24
Speaker 1: a relationship, loves her life, but apparently can sometimes get
36:28
Speaker 1: territorial about the guys that people date, as in like
36:32
Speaker 1: if her friend's dating someone, she's like, oh, he was
36:34
Speaker 1: my boyfriend in year three, or like we used to
36:37
Speaker 1: take baths together in kindy, Like she always needs to
36:40
Speaker 1: make sure that it's like, oh, I've known them for longer,
36:42
Speaker 1: or I've got a close relationship. So a question is like,
36:44
Speaker 1: do I match with this guy or do I just
36:48
Speaker 1: leave it?
36:49
Speaker 2: Couldn't you just talk to her friend about it first?
36:52
Speaker 1: That's what I said.
36:53
Speaker 2: Yeah, like, I've matched with this guy, and I know
36:56
Speaker 2: that you had a thing with him, but that's in
36:58
Speaker 2: the past, and like, you know, I've been kind of
37:01
Speaker 2: shoot out of luck on the apps recently, and I
37:04
Speaker 2: do think he's really cute, Like it's all in the past.
37:08
Speaker 1: Would you mind? Yeah?
37:10
Speaker 2: Yeah, either way, the worst case scenario, and in that
37:14
Speaker 2: situation is she says no, like I would find that weird.
37:17
Speaker 2: I'd be uncomfortable, which is like annoying, But if you
37:21
Speaker 2: want to avoid it, yeah, yeah, it's kind of like
37:25
Speaker 2: the worst case scenario of either of these situations is
37:28
Speaker 2: that you don't get to go on a date with
37:30
Speaker 2: this guy or you don't like swipe on this guy.
37:32
Speaker 2: And then the best case scenario is that she's like,
37:35
Speaker 2: oh yeah, babe, like it's so fine, it's in the past,
37:37
Speaker 2: and then you can shoot your shot.
37:39
Speaker 1: I said, what if she just matched him, because what
37:42
Speaker 1: you don't even know? What if you don't even match together?
37:47
Speaker 1: Yeah that's true, but no, I think it's good. I
37:49
Speaker 1: think she should ask first and just like raise it,
37:53
Speaker 1: like like especially the friend.
37:56
Speaker 2: Yeah history.
37:58
Speaker 1: I also think if it was like a year ago
38:00
Speaker 1: that they slept together, don't do it. It has to
38:03
Speaker 1: be like at least a minimum of like I reckon
38:06
Speaker 1: like five years ago that they slept like you were
38:09
Speaker 1: basically a different person. Literally, Yeah, if it was a
38:13
Speaker 1: high school boyfriend, it doesn't matter. Just say hey, just
38:17
Speaker 1: heads up, yeah exactly, Yeah, okay, thanks, Al, weren't you nappy?
38:25
Speaker 1: Go to bed? Love you bye? Just cut her off. Well,
38:32
Speaker 1: they have chicks from Auntie's ale her thialf. If I
38:35
Speaker 1: was in this position, I would be nervous about pissing
38:38
Speaker 1: off my friend and like, no guy's ever really worth that,
38:41
Speaker 1: So I would probably just message your friend and say, hey,
38:45
Speaker 1: is this cool? Like who knows if it'll even event
38:48
Speaker 1: you wake to anything. But I'm single and I'm horny,
38:52
Speaker 1: so yeah, not me. You And Well, that is a
38:56
Speaker 1: wrap for today's episode of Two Broke Chicks. Thank you
39:00
Speaker 1: so much for having us in your ear holes. We
39:02
Speaker 1: lalla la love to be here, and Sal will be
39:06
Speaker 1: back on the couch with me next week because this
39:09
Speaker 1: was terrifying I hope it wasn't too horrible for you all.
39:12
Speaker 1: I know we all miss our Missa too. Thank you
39:14
Speaker 1: so much for having me, Love you chicks, see you
39:17
Speaker 1: on Thursday. We've got so invested coming on the podcast
39:20
Speaker 1: and I'm really excited. Bye,