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How can I set boundaries without fear of rejection? · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Setting boundaries at work is something a lot of people struggle with, especially if you are someone who tends to put others first.
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  SPEAKER_00: And that fear of rejection, of being seen as difficult, unhelpful, or not a team player is one of the most common reasons people avoid doing it, and that fear does make sense.
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  SPEAKER_00: As for many of us, saying yes at work has always felt safer than saying no.
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  SPEAKER_00: And if you are in a moment right now where you are dreading saying no to something, just try this before you respond.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Take a slow breath in through your nose for four counts, hold for two and breathe out gently for six, and just do that a few times.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then ask yourself an honest question that if I say yes to this, what am I saying no to?
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: As this could be your lunch break, your energy, your evening, or your own work, and that question isn't there to make you feel guilty, but rather to remind you that your capacity matters as well.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Now a boundary isn't a wall you put up against someone else, but it's a limit you set on your own behaviour.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of thinking I'm rejecting this person, try reframing it as I'm being honest about what I can realistically offer.
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  SPEAKER_00: And that shift changes the whole tone, both in how you feel and how you can come across.
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  SPEAKER_00: And when it comes to actually saying it, being specific helps.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: So rather than a vague I'm really busy right now, something like I can't take that on this week, but I can look at it on Monday just gives the other person something clear to work with and keeps things professional.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: As you don't owe a lengthy explanation, as a short cam reason is enough, and it does land better than over-justifying, which can actually invite more pushback.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now, a practical way to support with this is by starting small.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: So pick one area where a boundary would genuinely help you.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe it's not checking work messages after a certain time or protecting time in your day for focused work, and let people know, keep it brief and then hold on to it consistently.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: As that last part is a bit that matters, as every time you stick to the boundary you've set, you're reinforcing it both for yourself and the people around you.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: And over time, that consistency is what makes boundaries feel less like confrontations and more just like the way things work.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: And it can also help to let a trusted colleague or a manager know what you're working on, as you don't need to make it a big deal.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if the fear of rejection around boundaries feels really intense, or if saying you know at work constantly brings up significant anxiety or dread, it's worth exploring that further.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: As a therapist, particularly one working with people pleasing patterns or workplace stress, can help you understand where that fear is coming from and work through it at a deeper level.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: Now, for more support and boundaries, people pleasing in the workplace, take a look at the resources available on the app.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are thinking about harming yourself or you're feeling safe, then please seek urgent help by contacting your local emergency number or a crisis helpline.