Latest / The Christy-Faith Show / Ep. 72 - Tips To Make Your Kids More Independent In Homeschooling

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Ep. 72 - Tips To Make Your Kids More Independent In Homeschooling · The Christy-Faith Show

• 0:00
  Christy-Faith: Welcome to today's episode where we're tackling a big one. How to get our kids to work more independently with their schoolwork? Because let's be honest, if homeschooling had a slogan, it might just be, mom, I need help on repeat. Today, we're diving into some major game changers that won't just lighten your load, but will set your kids up for a lifetime of confidence and capability. Whether you've been homeschooling for ten days or ten years, trust me, you're gonna wanna stick around for this one.
• 0:30
  Before we get into the nitty gritty of today, I gotta ask you, how are you doing? No. Really. Because if you're anything like me or the countless homeschooling parents that I work with, you might feel a bit stretched thin right now, maybe even downright exhausted. The alarm goes off in the morning, and from the moment your feet hit the floor, it's game time.
• 0:50
  Right? Breakfast to make, lessons to teach, emotions to manage, sometimes yours, and a suspiciously large pile of laundry that seems to have multiplied overnight. By midmorning, most of us are bouncing between subjects, breaking up sibling debates, and wondering for the hundredth time if we're doing enough when we're doing so much. But what we're really wondering, are we doing the right things? As homeschooling parents, we are doing incredible work, and here's a message that I need to hear just as much as anyone else listening.
• 1:21
  We are doing incredible work, yes, but we don't have to do all the incredible work. Letting go of some of this load, it can feel lazy or selfish, but it's actually not that at all. It's actually an act of love despite what our inner dialogue wants us to believe. Because when we shift from doing everything for our kids to then guiding them, we're actually giving them something invaluable, independence. And that's the topic of today's episode.
• 1:48
  How do we, as homeschooling parents, foster more independence in our children? How do we go from, just let me finish my coffee first, to raising kids who take ownership of their learning? Not only will this transformation lighten your load homeschool mama, but it will also set your children up for a lifetime of confidence, resilience, and capability. By the end of today's episodes, you'll walk away with real life strategies, relatable stories, and some fantastic book recommendations to help you make this shift easier. We're gonna break it down by topic, talk about where to start even if just starting feels really overwhelming, and what this actually looks like in everyday homeschooling life.
• 2:32
  So take a deep breath. Let's agree to spend the next couple minutes together and let me guide you towards a transformed homeschool. Hi. I'm Kristi Faith, author of Homeschool Rising, speaker and founder of Thrive Homeschool Community, which is a place where you can find real connection, mentorship, and support from parents who actually get it. Not to mention tons of trainings, master classes, and protocols so that we can fail proof your homeschool.
• 3:12
  Welcome to the show. Homeschooling comes with a lot of roles that we've already hinted at, teacher, parent, referee, occasional hostage negotiator. If you know, you know. And we don't have to carry it all alone. When kids are able to take ownership of their learning, it frees up time and energy, maybe even enough for you to actually have a hot cup of coffee and not have to reheat it in the microwave four times a day.
• 3:38
  But more importantly, yes, fostering independence in your kids is really great for you because it lets you handle more throughout your day. But you know what? It's actually really great for your kids too. Doctor Carol Dweck touches on this in her book mindset, explaining that kids with a growth mindset thrive when they take on new challenges. They see mistakes not as failures, but as opportunities to learn and try again.
• 4:02
  And that's exactly what we all want for our kids. Right? It all starts with giving them the reins little by little so they can develop that confidence and independence. After a recent masterclass in Thrive, my online community, we have masterclasses once a month that I teach or I bring in an expert. I heard from a mom who had been feeling completely burnt out.
• 4:22
  She was managing everything on her own. Homeschooling, keeping up with the house, and wrangling little ones while her eight year old still needed step by step guidance through the basics of their morning routine every single day. After attending my master class on fostering independence and responsibility, she had a light bulb moment. Why isn't her daughter doing some things more independently? It wasn't that her daughter couldn't, it simply was that she had never been given the expectation to do so.
• 4:50
  So she decided to start small. Using a simple visual routine with five steps, brushing her teeth, getting dressed, making her bed, tidying her room, and one extra task, her daughter finally had clear predictable guidelines to follow. And you know what? It worked. Over time, what once felt like a daily struggle became second nature.
• 5:10
  Within about two months, her daughter was handling her mornings on her own, giving her mom one less thing to manage. And the best part, their relationship thrived because of it. This small shift gave her daughter a sense of ownership and confidence and for the first time in a long time, that mom felt like she could breathe. Simple gradual steps towards independence can have such a strong ripple effect for everyone in the family. I'm about to go over some tips and strategies and no matter the age or stage of your child, what I'm about to give you can be adapted to fit your family's needs.
• 5:44
  And the first one is the power of choice and autonomy. One of the simplest ways to encourage independence is by offering choices when possible. Giving kids two healthy options can help them feel in control without overwhelming them. For little kids, instead of saying something like, it's time for math, let's sit down and do our math, you could say, would you like to do math or handwriting first? For my high schooler, for example, it's just expanded a bit.
• 6:09
  This can look like giving them full control over their daily assignments. So instead of micromanaging, what you can do is just present clear expectations. Here's what needs to be done today. When do you wanna tackle it? This shift fosters trust while allowing them to practice time management in a more low stakes environment.
• 6:26
  Here's a real life example. One mom in Thrive Homeschool Community let her high schooler plan her own week of work. She was so confident. Mom, I got this. But then by Friday, only about 75% of the assignments were completed.
• 6:42
  Right? Cue the panic and the scrambling. Now I'm giving you an imperfect example because that's probably what's gonna happen. The moral of the story here is it's still good to do it. It's still good to practice it.
• 6:53
  Build those skills while they're in your home. Sometimes watching our kids fumble through things a little bit teaches more than us controlling it ever could. And with only 75% of it being done, then this opens the door to really great conversations about executive functioning, time management, calendaring, prioritizing your week. What amazing conversations. And honestly, those are the fantastic skills that employers are looking for later.
• 7:19
  We have so much more to talk about like routines, structure, and teaching time management, and we will get into all of those right after a word from our sponsors. As a homeschool mom who values a family together approach and leans towards the classical and Charlotte Mason styles, I often struggle to bring my educational vision to life with my kids' diverse ages and learning needs. With all our interests and super packed schedule, bridging that gap between the dreamy homeschool I want and reality, I gotta be honest. It's a challenge. Now, yes, I know perfection isn't the goal.
• 7:49
  But if you're listening and you could use a little easing of your mental load in your day to day, I found a resource that has become the quiet hero of our routine and it could be a really great option for you too. BJU Press homeschool curriculum. Now many think that BJU Press homeschool is solely an all in one option, and though it does excel in that role, did you know you can also opt for specific courses and tailor them to fit your family's needs just as I have? BJU Press homeschool provides the perfect balance of structure and flexibility and easily complements my family's mixed age family together on the couch learning style. They are second to none in integrating a biblical worldview, stimulating critical thinking, and offering tons of hands on activities lessons.
• 8:31
  To find out how BJU Press Homeschool can come alongside you in your homeschooling goals too, visit bjupresshomeschool.com or click the link in the show notes. Is your child struggling with attention, memory, reading, writing, or math? If you're experiencing this, you know how heart wrenching it is to watch them face these hurdles. You've poured love, time, and attention into their education, yet the struggle persists, leaving you feeling stuck and desperately searching for answers. You guys, I want you to know about LearningRx, a proven program designed to help your child's cognitive skills, enabling them to think faster, learn more easily, and perform at their best.
• 9:07
  I'm talking getting real long term help here with things like ADHD and dyslexia. LearningRx is backed by thirty five years of research, and their results are transformative. Use code HOME 50 for $50 off your cognitive skills assessment. Go to learningrx.com or click the link in the show notes. Welcome back.
• 9:25
  Predictability creates security for both us and our kids, whether it's a consistent morning routine, structured meal times, or a simple checklist. It's like having a road map for your day, and honestly, it's what keeps us from losing our minds. For younger kids, routines might look like gathering up their supplies before a lesson. It's a small task, but for little ones, it's like they've been given a backstage pass in their own show. And suddenly, they're the star prepping for a big moment.
• 9:52
  And of course, which we've already talked about a little bit, as they get older, routines shift towards managing their own schedules. But let's be real. Just because they're older doesn't mean that they've magically mastered it. Right? One mom in Thrive Homeschool Community shared that her middle schooler had a paper planner full of good intentions, but it was essentially a glorified notebook as effective as a shopping list in a hurricane.
• 10:17
  Honestly, that's a little too relatable for me as an adult. I was just looking at my desk this morning. Do you have a few of those glorified notebooks? I certainly do. But then they switched to using a smartwatch for reminders.
• 10:29
  That small change was a big game changer. He was suddenly managing his own tasks like a mini CEO. Pretty sure he felt like he was one step closer to becoming Tony Stark. The book, Smart But Scattered, is a must read for middle schoolers and honestly adults who struggle with time management. And let's face it, it's a great reminder for us all who've been there with the shopping list in a hurricane planner approach.
• 10:55
  Now for teens, time management becomes more of a personal challenge. It's time to hand over the reins. And yes, it feels like watching someone try to drive for the first time. But you want them to take full ownership of their day. I love the book Atomic Habits by James Clear.
• 11:11
  It's fantastic for teaching teens how small consistent actions lead to big changes. Next time your teen says they're too busy, you can throw out that casual well. Do you remember the habit that we talked about? As for goal setting, it's about learning how to manage time while juggling your priorities. For younger kids, visual planners, checklists, and simple schedules work wonders.
• 11:34
  For middle and high schoolers, it's about helping them break down those big tasks into smaller steps and teaching them to set their own timeline and goals. At our center, when we did tutoring, we often helped kids through long term projects, and we would pull out a calendar. And with that student, we would map out goals for themselves, and then we would check-in on them. Now, yes, did we help them a lot first? But our goal was always to slowly wean them and train them how to do this skill themselves.
• 12:05
  Teenagers are always managing long term projects. They start to want to buy big expensive things that they need to set budgets for. These real world responsibilities help build confidence and set them up for adulthood. Right? So by the time they're 25, they might actually know where all their socks are.
• 12:22
  The takeaway, help your kids create a structure that works for them, not just one that works for us because their way may involve technology and not say a pile of sticky notes and a vision board. Though we do love a really good sparkly vision board. Let's get into my third strategy for today, handling mistakes and building resilience. One of the hardest but most valuable lessons in independence is learning how to handle failure. Yes.
• 12:49
  I said failure. It's like the spinach of life skills. Right? Nobody wants it, but it's actually really good for us. Look.
• 12:57
  Kids need to experience setbacks in order to build problem solving skills. As parents, it is so hard to resist the urge not to swoop in every time something goes sideways with our kids. Let's say your middle schooler forgets to plan their assignments and then gets completely overwhelmed. It's tempting to jump in with a rescue plan. Right?
• 13:16
  I've been there. Just hand me the cape. But instead, we can ask guiding questions like what didn't work? How can we adjust? This helps build the skill in our kids to learn how to reassess and pivot, and this is an essential life skill that they're gonna need with probably every project that they'll ever tackle in their future.
• 13:36
  It's so great for us to share our own past mistakes and struggles with our kids and what we've learned. One, they love hearing our mistakes. But two, it's important that they know that we're not perfect and we ended up okay and to hear what we learned about a situation. We can build a family culture where mistakes aren't failures. They're just things that we learn from and one day we laugh about.
• 13:57
  And trust me, nothing bonds you to your kid more than them realizing that you've made a ton of mistakes and you're still trying to figure out life too. Sometimes at the dinner table, my kids ask me and Scott, tell us about a mistake you made when you were a kid. Tell us about times where you got in trouble. They just love it. But what awesome opportunities too, right, to share with them what we've learned and how we grew from it.
• 14:20
  So pro tip, next time your kid hits a roadblock, you can calmly ask them, hey. What did you learn from this? Make sure they're not dysregulated though. Maybe you have to wait a day or two because that conversation will lead to them becoming more resilient. And hearing how they solved and attacked their own problems may give you some fresh ideas on how you can deal with your own in the future too.
• 14:43
  It can be a win win. Okay. Fourth strategy, motivation. Moving beyond rewards and punishments. Yikes.
• 14:51
  Don't cancel me. Remember when sticker charts were the holy grail of motivation? Oh, wait. They still are. If you got three stickers, you could cash them in for a toy or extra screen time, and it felt like it was living a dream, and it was for the hot minute.
• 15:05
  Right? But turns out long term, those shiny stickers might not be as magical as we thought, and maybe they're even undermining motivation at large. Actually, I'm not saying anything profound here. Research has shown this. Although they're quick and in the moment and will get kids to act, the reality is external rewards don't create lasting motivation, intrinsic motivation, which is actually the good kind.
• 15:32
  In fact, they undermine it. One of my most popular talks at conventions and conferences is on resistance battles, lack of motivation. Help. It's always a full house. And in that talk, I go deep on this thing called operant conditioning, which was made popular by BF Skinner and why it's so awful for us to be teaching our kids and parenting in this way.
• 15:54
  Now I don't have time today to do that entire talk. You'll have to see me at a conference or watch it as a master class in Thrive Homeschool Community. But here's the bottom line. Instead of focusing on prizes, it's so important for us to be celebrating effort. And there's so much more to this, but here's just a quick example.
• 16:11
  Instead of handing out a sticker for every math problem completed or gotten correct, we can say things like, wow. I noticed that you kept going on that really tricky problem until you got it. What amazing perseverance. And suddenly, your kid isn't just looking for the next reward for getting an answer right. They're learning that the real win is in the effort itself.
• 16:32
  And trust me, this is the stuff that lasts. It builds intrinsic motivation, that kind that sticks around long after the toys and the sticker charts have been forgotten. One book that totally flipped my perspective on this is a book called Punished by Rewards by Alfie Cohn. It's a great read if you're curious about how to shift from external incentives like stickers and candy to nurturing that inner drive. It's not about taking away the fun.
• 17:00
  It's about helping kids realize that who they are is pretty cool, not only what they do or how they can perform. My fifth strategy is helping our kiddos prepare for life beyond homeschooling, and we will discuss the importance of that right after this word from our amazing sponsors. Before we continue, I wanna share with you a program that's been a game changer for our homeschool. At our center, we instructed and helped kids through pretty much every math program on the market and know firsthand just how important a solid math foundation is for our kids' futures. As a career educator with high standards, finding the right program that checked all the boxes felt like too tall of an order.
• 17:38
  Until one day, I tried CTC Math. CTC Math is an online math curriculum for k to 12 students with motivating interactive lessons that allow kids to learn at their own pace. It does all the teaching and grading so you don't have to and their adaptive lessons adjust so your child is progressing confidently. With CTC Math, your child is getting a top notch education, and you just made your homeschool life easier. Visit ctcmath.com to start your free trial today or click the link in the show notes.
• 18:05
  I've got some news. There's a new reading curriculum that ditches workbooks and drills for fun and games. If you're thinking fun and games sounds a little too good to be true, it's not. Ninety eight percent of children improved their reading test scores in just six weeks with the reading skill set by Love Every. It's a phonics based program that follows a science of reading, but makes learning to read fun, motivating, and confidence boosting because it happens by playing games and then practicing with just right skill level books.
• 18:36
  Kids love it and parent educators love it, and it works. Visit lovevery.com/christyfaith today and use code christy 10 to get 10% off your purchase of the reading skill set by loveevery. That's lovevery.com/christyfaith. As your teen approaches the end of their homeschooling journey, it's time to start shifting from managing their daily assignments to preparing them for the big, scary, grown up world beyond the cozy confines of your home. This is the time to let our kids handle some things that are bigger and more meaningful, whether that's budgeting for a passion project or launching a small business because who wouldn't want a teen entrepreneur in the family?
• 19:17
  Let me share with you how other homeschooling families I've known have managed this, and we do too. We can let our kids take the reins on some things that really matter in the real world. Maybe they actually plan the itinerary for a family trip. I know one family, they have older kids, and they assign dinners to each of their kids throughout the week. They have to give mom the shopping list.
• 19:38
  They have to prepare it, plan for it, cook it, and clean it up. One thing I noticed with the teenagers that we worked with for years is that a lot of them didn't have real life skills. I once hired a babysitter, and when I asked her to prepare the meal, which was a very simple meal of fruit and pasta, she actually didn't know how to properly cut a nectarine or make noodles. Our kids are eventually going to need to make decisions about their life after homeschooling. So the more adult hands on experience that they get while they're under our roof and we can talk about it and coach them through it, the more confident they'll be when they launch.
• 20:13
  The point is these kinds of responsibilities build skills that textbooks never will. There. We're landing in the plane. Things like decision making, budgeting, crisis management. As you know, we travel with our teenage son, and he has certain responsibilities.
• 20:29
  There were some sticky moments like leaving luggage on the plane that we walked through together just this year, and it was great. We can step back a little, let our teen own some of the process of everyday life. It'll help them feel prepared for what's coming next. And trust me, the outside world is coming and coming in hot whether we like it or not. Alright.
• 20:50
  Now that we've covered the why and how for a bunch of different topics, you might be sitting here thinking, okay, where do I even start? Don't worry. I got your back. If there's one thing you know about me is I love the high level action steps that you can actually use right away because I want this podcast to be helpful. I don't want you to have to go back to the drawing board every time you learn something new.
• 21:11
  So first things first, start small. Find just one area where maybe your child can pick up a little bit more ownership. The morning checklist, packing the lunch for the next day. Success in one area will give your kids the courage to tackle the next. This is all about little wins.
• 21:27
  And we don't want you overwhelmed either, so we gotta manage this for you too. Next, model what you want to see. Want your child to be more organized? Show them your strategies. Talk about your routines, how you tackle your to do list, or even how you didn't flip out when your meticulously organized plan fell apart.
• 21:44
  Invite them into the conversation that you have with yourself. Wow. I didn't freak out over that. I'm really proud of myself. And the hardest one, resist the urge to micromanage.
• 21:55
  I know. I know. You see them struggling and everything inside you wants to jump in and save the day. But remember, stepping back lets them develop the problem solving skills that they need for the rest of their lives. It's okay if their plan isn't perfect.
• 22:10
  It's okay if it's not how you would do it. It's okay if their plan takes longer than you know it really needs to take. The whole point is at least they made the plan. Right? Progress is the goal.
• 22:21
  And the last thing I wanna be called when my kids are grown is an overbearing mother. That is not what I want. Our kids need that breathing room, and they need their support, and they need to know that we're on their team to help them figure it out, and they can ask us questions along the way. But most importantly, we're on their team. Now I hope you're feeling inspired to take the first step towards fostering independence today.
• 22:44
  Whether it's encouraging your five year old to pack up their crayons or letting your teen plan their entire school week, each small step counts. Raising independent learners isn't just about making your homeschool day easier, though let's be real, that is a perk to this, but it's also about preparing your kids to confidently take on the world and challenges and opportunities and everything in between. And the bonus, you get a much smoother homeschool out of it. You're doing incredible work. The seeds that you're planting now, they're growing into something amazing.
• 23:18
  It just takes time. And while it might not always feel like it in the moment, the impact you're having on your child's future is profound. Let them take risks. Let them make mistakes. Make sure they know that you are on their team no matter what, and that they can come to you with those mistakes that they inevitably will make because we all make mistakes.
• 23:40
  Be that safe person. Celebrate their growth. Celebrate their effort. Celebrate the progress, and minimize the conversations about the performance, the grades. And for crying out loud, please slow your roll on the praise for performance.
• 23:56
  The last thing we wanna communicate is that our love is earned by how they perform or the grades that they get or the amount of baskets they make in the basketball game. Right? If today's conversation spoke to your heart at all and you want some more in-depth support, I would love for you to join the Thrive Homeschool Community. That's where you're gonna get the coaching and the how to's regarding these big mindset game changers that we talk about on the show. You'll find amazing mentors, qualified experts.
• 24:24
  I am picky. Let me tell you. Not everyone gets invited to teach master classes in Thrive or be invited to our office hours, which are our live Zoom coaching calls like the ones where we help you homeschool your child with special needs. In Thrive, you're gonna find a community of like minded parents who really wanna be good homeschoolers. My point, you don't have to do this solo.
• 24:46
  You don't have to muck around YouTube watching endless videos on how to do something. You can learn from us women who have been at it a very long time, and we know the pitfalls and the common mistakes. Just consider this your personal invitation. I will put a link in the show notes. And remember, independence isn't a switch that you flip overnight.
• 25:06
  It's a gradual, beautiful process. Whether your child is five or 15, you can build their confidence and responsibility with simple small steps. The goal isn't perfection, it's preparation. And by offering choices, building structure, fostering resilience, and celebrating your kid's effort, you're equipping your child to thrive, not just in homeschooling, but in life. And your homeschool day, my sweet mama, will be that much easier and better for it.
• 25:35
  Win win. See you next time.