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Generous to a Fault · Relatively Stable

0:02
SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Stable Roots.
0:05
SPEAKER_00: This week,
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SPEAKER_00: I'm going to be talking about the psychology of giving,
0:09
SPEAKER_00: and there's no better time for that than this season of giving.
0:14
SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to be talking about the continued need that the North Carolina
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SPEAKER_00: mountains have for rebuilding post Hurricane Helene.
0:23
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for joining me this week.
0:27
SPEAKER_00: Generous to a fault.
0:30
SPEAKER_00: The mountain victims of Hurricane Helene still need your help.
0:36
SPEAKER_00: It's the season of giving,
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SPEAKER_00: so there's no better time to talk about generosity,
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SPEAKER_00: our drives,
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SPEAKER_00: our judgments,
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SPEAKER_00: our stories,
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SPEAKER_00: and everything in between.
0:47
SPEAKER_00: This week, I will dive into what happens in our brains when we're being generous.
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SPEAKER_00: I'll talk about why people still need our help in Western North Carolina after
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SPEAKER_00: Hurricane Helene,
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SPEAKER_00: even though millions of dollars in aid have flooded the region.
1:02
SPEAKER_00: And finally, I will give you a list of individuals and small farms that need your help today.
1:09
SPEAKER_00: Tomorrow's needs will be different,
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SPEAKER_00: which means there's no better time to flex your charitable adaptability.
1:16
SPEAKER_00: Being adjustable,
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SPEAKER_00: being philosophically pliant,
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SPEAKER_00: being non-judgmentally flexible is hard work for us humans who crave security and certainty.
1:30
SPEAKER_00: Let's get started.
1:34
SPEAKER_00: Your Brain on Giving
1:38
SPEAKER_00: When you give to someone,
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SPEAKER_00: when you're offered a gift and you're met with gratitude and appreciation,
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SPEAKER_00: the pleasure centers of your brain light up and flood your body with feel-good hormones.
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SPEAKER_00: Pumped with dopamine and oxytocin, you're primed for social connection and trust.
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SPEAKER_00: Hardwired for building community,
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SPEAKER_00: our system feels safer when we reciprocate and benefit from the actions of people
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SPEAKER_00: around us.
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SPEAKER_00: If you see someone else giving, you feel inspired to do the same.
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SPEAKER_00: That's why your favorite nonprofits fundraise through personal stories and social gatherings.
2:17
SPEAKER_00: If you're a black sheep,
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SPEAKER_00: a non-conformist who believes you're immune to the establishment,
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SPEAKER_00: your brain still operates with the same drives,
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SPEAKER_00: but the landscape of the community you're joining and impressing is different.
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SPEAKER_00: You may be on the fringes,
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SPEAKER_00: but the outskirts are still a place with its own cast of characters that form your community.
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SPEAKER_00: Wanting to be a part of something larger than yourself is a very good thing.
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SPEAKER_00: We have the luxury of living in a society where individualism is prized,
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SPEAKER_00: but this is a modern phenomenon.
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SPEAKER_00: Our nervous system still functions through ancient urges.
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SPEAKER_00: We feel safer when our communities and families support us.
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SPEAKER_00: We're human animals who crave a pack, a herd, a place to belong.
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SPEAKER_00: Widespread loneliness is the root of our societal dysfunction.
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SPEAKER_00: We've forgotten how we're primed to live in relationship with others.
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SPEAKER_00: When we give, our generosity craves an audience.
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SPEAKER_00: Again, not a bad thing, just a biological impulse.
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SPEAKER_00: That's why we have names on buildings.
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SPEAKER_00: Even anonymous donations feel better when you're contributing to something larger
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SPEAKER_00: than yourself,
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SPEAKER_00: when you think you're a part of something bigger.
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SPEAKER_00: I'm outlining all of this for a reason.
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SPEAKER_00: Weighing right and wrong informs our choices.
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SPEAKER_00: We do this every waking second, but it also leads to a tendency towards judgment.
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SPEAKER_00: Self-judgment is one we carry around all day like a backpack filled with bricks.
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SPEAKER_00: I'm not here to judge you, so feel free to put your bags down and hang out with me for a while.
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SPEAKER_00: I have a mean collection of teas.
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SPEAKER_00: We want recognition for our generosity.
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SPEAKER_00: That's okay.
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SPEAKER_00: It's how we're made.
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SPEAKER_00: Like a horse not understanding the big circle we're asking them to make when they
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SPEAKER_00: know that cutting across in a straight line will conserve energy and take them to
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SPEAKER_00: the same destination.
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SPEAKER_00: We're programmed to need logic and validation.
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SPEAKER_00: It's an internal compass that pays emotional dividends.
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SPEAKER_00: Safety, security, acceptance.
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SPEAKER_00: Control versus chaos.
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SPEAKER_00: Survival.
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SPEAKER_00: Why giving in the aftermath of Hurricane Helene is different.
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SPEAKER_00: Helene was a thousand-year storm,
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SPEAKER_00: a geological event,
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SPEAKER_00: in a location without the infrastructure to handle large volumes of water and
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SPEAKER_00: strong winds.
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SPEAKER_00: Like a crow flying over,
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SPEAKER_00: let's look down from the top,
5:00
SPEAKER_00: starting with the nation,
5:03
SPEAKER_00: and then the state,
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SPEAKER_00: the county,
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SPEAKER_00: the town,
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SPEAKER_00: the highway,
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SPEAKER_00: the road,
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SPEAKER_00: a long driveway of switchbacks to what was once a residence.
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SPEAKER_00: The family that lived in this house might be camped in their yard,
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SPEAKER_00: or they're one of the lucky ones who secured a camper.
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SPEAKER_00: They're not eligible for the permits needed for a tiny home or shed.
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SPEAKER_00: Propane to fuel heating and cooking is expensive and in short supply.
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SPEAKER_00: The power lines taken out by falling trees are the family's responsibility to clear
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SPEAKER_00: before the electrical company can restore power to structures that have been
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SPEAKER_00: declared a total loss by FEMA.
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SPEAKER_00: Their house is condemned and national aid for rebuilding is pennies on the dollar.
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SPEAKER_00: The family did not have flood insurance.
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SPEAKER_00: The family's one vehicle was old.
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SPEAKER_00: They didn't carry collision.
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SPEAKER_00: The truck was flooded and crushed by a falling tree.
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SPEAKER_00: There is a shortage of affordable used vehicles in the area.
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SPEAKER_00: The family didn't have savings before the storm.
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SPEAKER_00: Their jobs were washed away by floodwaters in an area that historically had few
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SPEAKER_00: jobs available before the destruction.
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SPEAKER_00: The land itself has been in the family for generations.
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SPEAKER_00: FEMA is a federal initiative.
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SPEAKER_00: They're the last to reach disaster areas because government wheels turn slowly.
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SPEAKER_00: It's just the nature of the beast.
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SPEAKER_00: Bureaucracy works like a blueprint.
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SPEAKER_00: It doesn't color outside the lines.
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SPEAKER_00: Emergency first responders are just that, the first on the scene.
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SPEAKER_00: From the National Guard to local fire departments to private citizens,
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SPEAKER_00: they were on the ground as the floodwaters receded and provided critical help fast.
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SPEAKER_00: Like trying to use a surgeon as a primary care provider when the wound has been sutured,
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SPEAKER_00: you're not going to check into the OR for a follow-up.
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SPEAKER_00: Healing takes time and a different support network.
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SPEAKER_00: Big national nonprofits like Samaritan's Purse and the Red Cross work within an established scope.
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SPEAKER_00: They're beholden to their boards of directors to deliver maximum benefit with
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SPEAKER_00: expediency and defined parameters.
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SPEAKER_00: People seeking aid gain approval by proving their eligibility for very specific needs.
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SPEAKER_00: We have not created a program yet that helps someone rebuild all the components of
7:37
SPEAKER_00: their lives after a disaster.
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SPEAKER_00: There are numerous organizations at work, each providing very specific aids.
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SPEAKER_00: And the disaster of Hurricane Helene is unique.
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SPEAKER_00: We've never seen one like this before in our lifetimes.
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SPEAKER_00: We want our behemoth charities to operate in smooth, predictable, and direct ways.
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SPEAKER_00: We need them to stay within their scope.
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SPEAKER_00: If they were all willy-nilly, corruption would be even greater than it already is.
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SPEAKER_00: These machines,
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SPEAKER_00: because of their transparency and guidelines,
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SPEAKER_00: are where large donors,
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SPEAKER_00: like Concert for the Carolinas with $24 million raised,
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SPEAKER_00: put their contributions.
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SPEAKER_00: Donors,
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SPEAKER_00: trusts,
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SPEAKER_00: high rollers,
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SPEAKER_00: those in the public eye need their charities to be squeaky clean and socially accepted.
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SPEAKER_00: Their donation direction requires a proven track record or they're setting themselves up for scandal.
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SPEAKER_00: Who wants that kind of drama when you're trying to do something good?
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SPEAKER_00: On the local level,
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SPEAKER_00: smaller nonprofits,
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SPEAKER_00: many created recently to target very specific needs,
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SPEAKER_00: are operating under the umbrella of a fiscal sponsor,
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SPEAKER_00: do immense hands-on work,
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SPEAKER_00: but there's only so much they can do with limited coffers and a shortage of volunteers.
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SPEAKER_00: In the early days of the storm, people came from all over to help.
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SPEAKER_00: But three months out and the holidays calling, manpower is limited.
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SPEAKER_00: The people who have been in action since day one post-Helene are tired,
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SPEAKER_00: burned out,
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SPEAKER_00: and mentally and emotionally exhausted.
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SPEAKER_00: They need a break,
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SPEAKER_00: but if they stop working,
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SPEAKER_00: who will take over and see that the needs are being met in freezing temperatures
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SPEAKER_00: and the dregs of donations remaining now that the world has moved on to other things?
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SPEAKER_00: The long-term residents of Appalachia are quiet.
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SPEAKER_00: They don't ask for help.
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SPEAKER_00: They've been historically ignored, overlooked, discredited, and discounted.
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SPEAKER_00: They're weary of motivations and strangers.
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SPEAKER_00: They'd rather suck it up than ask for what they need.
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SPEAKER_00: But the countless pleas for continued help are a sign of how dire the need in the mountain remains.
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SPEAKER_00: The worst hit victims of the storm lost the building blocks of their lives.
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SPEAKER_00: Clothes,
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SPEAKER_00: memories,
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SPEAKER_00: electronics,
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SPEAKER_00: storage,
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SPEAKER_00: food,
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SPEAKER_00: jobs,
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SPEAKER_00: beds,
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SPEAKER_00: vehicles,
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SPEAKER_00: bathrooms,
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SPEAKER_00: documents that prove their identity.
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SPEAKER_00: Entire lives are not going to be rebuilt with FEMA hotel vouchers that expire in the new year.
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SPEAKER_00: Many people are just getting started.
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SPEAKER_00: And like the early days of the storm,
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SPEAKER_00: the bulk of aid work is currently provided by individuals and word of mouth.
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SPEAKER_00: It's not coming from corporations or large organizations.
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SPEAKER_00: The connections are happening through people like you and me who see a need and seek to fill it.
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SPEAKER_00: Compassion fatigue is real,
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SPEAKER_00: and we were burnt out from caring before this storm,
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SPEAKER_00: when our news feeds were clogged with GoFundMes for medical emergencies and burial expenses,
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SPEAKER_00: and a world where basic needs are crowdsourced.
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SPEAKER_00: As we take stock of what's left over at the end of the year for charitable giving,
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SPEAKER_00: there's a reason that fundraisers bloom around the holidays.
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SPEAKER_00: It's the end of the fiscal calendar for most people.
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SPEAKER_00: We think we're getting a tax write-off.
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SPEAKER_00: This is normal,
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SPEAKER_00: and everyone from large corporations to your grandmother thinks they're taking
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SPEAKER_00: advantage of an IRS boom.
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SPEAKER_00: You donate to a nonprofit, you get a tax write-off.
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SPEAKER_00: You donate to an individual or a local small business, you do not get a tax write-off.
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SPEAKER_00: But how many people are giving large enough to meet the standard IRS deduction?
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SPEAKER_00: I know I'm not.
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SPEAKER_00: In the psychology of reciprocity,
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SPEAKER_00: we learn that we're apt to be generous when we're receiving something tangible back
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SPEAKER_00: from giving,
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SPEAKER_00: whether the return is real or not.
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SPEAKER_00: Anthropologists Lionel Tiger and Robin Fox claim we live in a web of indebtedness.
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SPEAKER_00: It's what makes us human.
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SPEAKER_00: Reciprocity governs that web.
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SPEAKER_00: Giving into a void isn't inspiring.
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SPEAKER_00: We might do it once,
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SPEAKER_00: but without a dopamine hit from receiving something back,
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SPEAKER_00: we're less likely to do it again.
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SPEAKER_00: Why post-Helene direct donations matter?
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SPEAKER_00: In the early days following the storm,
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SPEAKER_00: my list of vetted sources that needed your contributions were a collection of
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SPEAKER_00: organizations and some individuals,
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SPEAKER_00: mainly pilots,
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SPEAKER_00: who were busy getting supplies and rescues accomplished before the behemoth of
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SPEAKER_00: bureaucracy could organize and move in.
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SPEAKER_00: I'm well outside the catastrophic ground zero of the storm,
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SPEAKER_00: but my metropolis in the foothills of upstate South Carolina is a changed landscape.
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SPEAKER_00: Now that the autumn leaves are off the trees,
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SPEAKER_00: I see deep into the devastation of the woodlands as I drive past.
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SPEAKER_00: Many home roofs are still covered in blue tarps,
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SPEAKER_00: or structurally damaged to the point that there is a telltale red slip attached to
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SPEAKER_00: the front,
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SPEAKER_00: showing that the structure is uninhabitable.
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SPEAKER_00: I live nowhere near the epicenter of the storm.
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SPEAKER_00: This was a thousand-year storm in a place where hurricanes do not happen.
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SPEAKER_00: This region is deeply inland, and the mountains usually protect us from major weather systems.
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SPEAKER_00: But in the case of Helene,
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SPEAKER_00: the mountains became a funnel for unprecedented rainfall,
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SPEAKER_00: followed by unprecedented wind.
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SPEAKER_00: Mudslides, falling trees, flooding, structures far removed from waterways were decimated.
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SPEAKER_00: In the early hours of the storm,
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SPEAKER_00: I moved the people and animals inside my house,
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SPEAKER_00: a farm in the center of a forest,
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SPEAKER_00: to the center of the structure where there is no windows.
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SPEAKER_00: I said a prayer for the horses in their old wooden barn with a tin roof.
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SPEAKER_00: And when we finally emerged, the air smelled like a sawmill, thick with wet, snapped wood.
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SPEAKER_00: The chainsaw we bought to dig the driveways and pastures out from fallen trees cost $500.
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SPEAKER_00: FEMA reimbursed us $219.
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SPEAKER_00: We lost the food in our freezers and refrigerators,
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SPEAKER_00: and we have a pony that is suffering canker,
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SPEAKER_00: a bacterial autoimmune response,
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SPEAKER_00: in her feet from standing in a flooded stall for hours.
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SPEAKER_00: Our Helene cost is in the thousands of dollars.
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SPEAKER_00: And yet we had it extraordinarily good
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SPEAKER_00: Imagine that family with kids in the crow's eye descent into the epicenter of the
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SPEAKER_00: storm in western North Carolina.
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SPEAKER_00: Pennies on the dollar and federal aid, if they're eligible, will not see them through the winter.
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SPEAKER_00: Their well is destroyed.
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SPEAKER_00: They don't have water.
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SPEAKER_00: They don't have electricity,
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SPEAKER_00: they don't have a structure to live in,
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SPEAKER_00: or funds arriving to rebuild because the old house destroyed by a redirected river
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SPEAKER_00: is now on a floodplain.
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SPEAKER_00: They don't have a vehicle, they don't have a job to return to.
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SPEAKER_00: Without a home to live in, they could lose their kids.
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SPEAKER_00: There are saints on the ground doing daily work to help people keep or find a place
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SPEAKER_00: to live,
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SPEAKER_00: who are delivering aid to people camped out in cars and tents.
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SPEAKER_00: The people who had the least in the community before Helene have even less now.
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SPEAKER_00: They need dollars and goods, but they deeply need hope.
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SPEAKER_00: I want people to understand the scale,
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SPEAKER_00: including the size of the region that was impacted and the number of communities
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SPEAKER_00: and the number of people.
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SPEAKER_00: I want them to understand that we're not entering some kind of easy recovery phase
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SPEAKER_00: anytime soon,
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SPEAKER_00: that we're still in crisis and that the crisis is actually getting worse.
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SPEAKER_00: The thing that is needed most is unrestricted money to families and communities,
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SPEAKER_00: says Beth Trigg,
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SPEAKER_00: one of those saints who has worked tirelessly in her community since the storm to
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SPEAKER_00: help people who have fallen through the cracks of available aid.
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SPEAKER_00: Diamond Brand Gear Company has been a staple of the outdoors industry for 143 years,
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SPEAKER_00: and they're permanently closing their doors as a direct result of the catastrophic
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SPEAKER_00: damage sustained during Hurricane Helene on September 27,
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2024.
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SPEAKER_00: One of the few brands that had stemmed the tide of outsourcing and managed to keep
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SPEAKER_00: production in the United States,
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SPEAKER_00: Diamond Brand manufactured the first backpacks for the Boy Scouts in 1931 and
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SPEAKER_00: supplied products to all the big-name outdoor companies,
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SPEAKER_00: North Face,
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SPEAKER_00: Patagonia.
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SPEAKER_00: You've probably used their gear.
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SPEAKER_00: A GoFundMe with a balance of $11,000 will be distributed to the company's 35 employees.
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SPEAKER_00: That's $315 each.
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SPEAKER_00: How many of their former employees won't be able to pay rent or mortgage next month, asks Beth Trigg.
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SPEAKER_00: This is what I mean when I say we are experiencing economic collapse.
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SPEAKER_00: In their goodbye note to customers,
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SPEAKER_00: Diamond Brand wrote,
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SPEAKER_00: When we look back and reflect on what we were able to do over these many years,
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SPEAKER_00: we can take comfort in the fact that we always did good work for our customers.
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SPEAKER_00: We can also take comfort that in recent years,
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SPEAKER_00: we stayed true to our big idea,
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SPEAKER_00: which was to inspire creativity,
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SPEAKER_00: exploration,
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SPEAKER_00: and personal growth.
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SPEAKER_00: Giving for the sake of giving.
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SPEAKER_00: It is possible to change our relationship with giving.
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SPEAKER_00: To do this, we must visualize the organism of our community in a different way.
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SPEAKER_00: My connections from the storm grew from an already existing network of people that
17:44
SPEAKER_00: I met through the worldwide horse community.
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SPEAKER_00: Their personal stories gave me a basis of understanding that a news clip could not.
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SPEAKER_00: We live in a world of editorial.
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SPEAKER_00: We need context to verify our facts.
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SPEAKER_00: Stories matter.
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SPEAKER_00: They contextualize the impossible and drive us into action.
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SPEAKER_00: To change our relationship with giving,
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SPEAKER_00: we must allow the stories to slip into the cracks of our defensive barriers.
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SPEAKER_00: We have to be prepared to get dirty.
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SPEAKER_00: The mountains are still covered in dust and mud.
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SPEAKER_00: The stories emerging from the landslides aren't edited and polished.
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SPEAKER_00: These stories don't have a structure yet.
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SPEAKER_00: Their sentences strung together without fluff or context.
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SPEAKER_00: Their cries for help.
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SPEAKER_00: We must be prepared to give and have no certainty that the dollars are going to be
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SPEAKER_00: utilized in a way that makes us feel empowered.
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SPEAKER_00: Giving for the sake of giving, you may receive no tangible thanks.
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SPEAKER_00: Your giving provides autonomy,
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SPEAKER_00: and that equals hope to someone who has lost everything from the world before Helene.
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SPEAKER_00: Economic uncertainty is as destructive as flooding,
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SPEAKER_00: and like water,
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SPEAKER_00: it trickles out and changes the world around it.
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SPEAKER_00: Healing begins with the individual, but the effects ripple out.
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SPEAKER_00: On the top of the Stable Roots homepage,
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SPEAKER_00: you'll find my constantly updated list of vetted sources where you can give to
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SPEAKER_00: support the victims of Hurricane Helene.
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SPEAKER_00: And it will be showcasing a list of individuals at the top,
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SPEAKER_00: ever-changing and rotating due to need,
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SPEAKER_00: who need your help today.
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SPEAKER_00: And soon,
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SPEAKER_00: the list will also be showcasing the community world changers who are daily helping
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SPEAKER_00: people find housing and car payments and trauma support.
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SPEAKER_00: And if you click on the Stable Roots post for this week,
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SPEAKER_00: you'll find a list of four individuals that need your help today.
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SPEAKER_00: In the coming days,
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SPEAKER_00: I will also launch an episode of my podcast,
19:56
SPEAKER_00: Relatively Stable,
19:57
SPEAKER_00: where I'm talking to Tamar Reno from her Bear Creek farm in Green Creek,
20:02
SPEAKER_00: North Carolina.
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SPEAKER_00: Since the early days following the storm,
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SPEAKER_00: Tamar has written words that are a balm for the mountains while broadcasting
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SPEAKER_00: stories of need,
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SPEAKER_00: aid,
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SPEAKER_00: and the people who are delivering life support to their communities.
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SPEAKER_00: I hope you'll follow her words if you're not already.
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SPEAKER_00: My gratitude for you is immense.
20:22
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for following my words.
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SPEAKER_00: I took a break from writing about the storm for a few weeks,
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SPEAKER_00: but my hope is that you dig into the true meaning of the holiday season,
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SPEAKER_00: whatever that personally means to you,
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SPEAKER_00: and join the mountain community by caring about the region's slow march towards rebuilding.
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SPEAKER_00: This begins with relationships, and I'm so thankful for you, your support, and your time.
20:48
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for being here with me.
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SPEAKER_00: Love, Kim