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Self-Mastery: How Understanding Your Past Sets You Free · Candid Coach Conversations

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Hey everyone. So curious, have you ever sat and thought about like,
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hey, I've created this life that I wanted,
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and now is this the life I want?
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I don't know. I've certainly asked myself that question,
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and I'm glad to be here today with this topic.
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I'm Kimberly Boyd, founder of Live Life Fully,
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and welcome to Candid Coach Conversations.
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Today I have with me Guadalupe,
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and we are going to be talking about this very
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topic about living a life that you want and that you wanted and then saying,
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Whoa, is the life I created the life that I really want at this point?
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So good morning and welcome Guadalupe.
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Good morning. Glad to be here with you,
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Gimberly.
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Yes, I love talking with you all the time.
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Anytime. so I know that you and I've talked about this topic before
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and through coaching and coaching meetings with Live Wife Fully really about
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creating a life and then asking yourself,
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okay, is the life I created the life I want to continue living and what do
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I want to create next? And so I'd love for your to hear your thoughts about
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it and to share with the audience.
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How that has been with you?
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What came up for me when thinking about this question,
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like what has been the life that you've built and that life that you want.
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For me, I think about the process of how it all happened.
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So when I was little, through chaos and everything,
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how things were, I did tell myself,
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I don't know what my future's gonna be like.
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It's going to be different, and that's all I know.
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And so I always loved school for that reason.
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And going through school, growing up through school,
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middle school, high school, like I was the kid that didn't really
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I enjoyed summer and I was always ready for summer to be over because then
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it was getting back to school.
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And
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It was the school piece. What did
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you love so much about the school piece?
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I loved the learning piece. Like for
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Okay.
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me, being able to learn more, it for me it was more of that's my key.
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Like that's my key to something different,
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something new.
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Okay. I love it. All right.
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And so as I was going through school,
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I always knew like, okay, I'm gonna go to college and I'm gonna do this.
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And so in high school, I would play sports.
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I played soccer, and then I also had a job.
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And so I would do those three and always kept myself busy.
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And that's where I thrived because it allowed me to escape from chaos.
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And so as
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I continued to go through, then I was in college.
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And first I was going for criminal justice to be a detective.
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And then I came into my first psychology class.
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And I was so intrigued,
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everything psychology. And I had also thought to myself,
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whoa, people get paid for this?
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Because I kinda thought I was like the family therapist.
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And so I looked more into psychology and made that shift.
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And as I was in college I was working as well.
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And there was a point where I had three jobs and I was doing fifteen
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to eighteen credit hour semesters.
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And so that was busyness. So I didn't have time for anything and it
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was how I thrived. It's what I knew best to stay busy.
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And so
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My the life I was building was to become a licensed professional counselor.
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Like that's the goal and everything was towards that goal.
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That was the target. These are the stepping stones that I have to do to get there.
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And so then I graduated in 2021
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and became LPCA. And from there I was like,
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okay, now I have less things to do,
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because I also had dropped one of the jobs I was doing.
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And then my mind was like, there's not a lot going on.
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We don't know how to function this way.
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Okay, she's always
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Yeah.
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been on the go. So as a little girl in the chaos,
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and then you go to school, you're playing soccer,
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you're working a job, like constant movement,
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in motion. Yeah,
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Yeah. Yeah.
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go to
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college, working three jobs, going to school,
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getting your degree, going to grad school,
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constant motion, constant motion,
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constant motion. And then you arrived.
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You you achieved the goal.
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You're therapist,
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Yeah.
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licensed professional counselor in Texas,
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and your brain is like, there's some free time and free space here.
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What do I do now? It's what happened.
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Yeah, I thought that was it. And
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And so then what happened?
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I love this. What happened next?
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Little did I know that this was the beginning of something bigger,
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because then came the self-discovery of okay,
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this doesn't feel how I thought it would feel when I finally got to this point.
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And I think within all of that chaos,
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I didn't have the time to ask myself,
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how do you want to feel?
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Mm.
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And because of that,
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that feeling wasn't there. So it was like a big disconnection.
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And that constant question was,
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how come I'm not feeling happy?
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It's so amazing to me that this awareness that you have
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now about I didn't identify how I wanted to feel when I achieved the very thing that
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I was working so hard to achieve.
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And so then when you got there,
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you had the achievement, like accomplished,
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task accomplished, goal met. And because you didn't know how you wanted
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to feel in advance, you didn't had no like,
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how am I feeling?
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Other than not great. That is so
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Yeah.
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amazing to me. So it's sounds super important to identify how you want
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to feel at the end of anything.
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Okay.
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Yeah, yeah.
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Okay. So then your question was,
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okay, how come I'm not feeling happy?
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Like I've met the goal, I've done the thing,
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I'm licensed, and I'm still not I'm not feeling happy.
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Mm-hmm.
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Then what?
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So then my brain decided to go with what it knows,
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what it's familiar with. And I was like,
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well, do you want to get another job?
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Yeah.
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What else can you do? Do you want to add to your schedule?
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What can you do for other people?
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Yeah.
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And so I had thought to myself,
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like, okay, when I got to this point,
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I wanted to have more time for myself,
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more time to do hobbies, more time to volunteer,
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more time to do that.
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And my nervous system was not comfortable with that because it almost
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saw my self-worth as my productivity
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to task.
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So amazing. And how much
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you're you're pointing out, like we revert to old patterns
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and what's comfortable quickly
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Mm-hmm.
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and easily. Yes.
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Yeah.
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Good point.
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And so it was then being introduced to life coaching when
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I was starting to get these questions of well how do you want to feel?
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What do you like what do you see as your potential?
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And then the interesting part of who who is your authentic self?
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And
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Mm.
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that part got me because I was like,
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well
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My goal was to become an LPC and I did everything to get there and
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I never thought about who am I.
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It was more of like, okay, this is professional me,
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this is personal me, and so it was not really building like my own identity.
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And so
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Okay.
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there became that discovery of like,
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how do you even answer that question?
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Right. Well, and that's how we're taught.
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I mean, we're asked as children,
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what do you want to be when you grow up?
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And so, a firefighter, a teacher,
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a doctor, whatever it is, a banker,
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a a zookeeper, whatever it is.
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~ we're we are not asked as children,
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who do you want to be? And so it does make
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Mm-hmm.
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sense that.
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As an adult, it would be hard to answer that question.
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Like, what do you mean?
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Mm-hmm.
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And I love that
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you talk about the LPC. I think that's such a great example,
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Guadalaj. It it was definitely an achievement.
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Not even going to minimize that.
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And it's it's a title.
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And even
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Mm-hmm.
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in that, I think there's this self-discovery piece about okay,
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I'm an LPC, and who do I want to be as an LPC?
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Like living into that.
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Mm-hmm.
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Okay.
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~
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Amazing. I love that you pointed that out.
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Thank you. Okay, so continue.
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So I then
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go into experiencing growth day.
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And well I'm gonna backtrack a little bit because I had started doing some coaching
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with Kimberly. And within those I in one session I had came and I was like,
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I'm learning so much about myself,
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about these pieces of me. It's almost like going back and
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Imagining what it would be like if I took moment to insert emotions
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to things versus feeling like the awkwardness of the emptiness.
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And so it was interesting and I had even said like wow,
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like if this were a book, it'd be like the discoveries of
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the like undiscovered parts of me.
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Because it was almost like I was learning myself,
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understanding myself.
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in a different way that I hadn't before.
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And I remember
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Well coming but
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Yeah. And I remember it was the first growth day that we attended in LA.
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And I had came out and we were going to lunch on one of the breaks,
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and I was feeling it, I was like,
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this self-discovery, this is that self-mastery.
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Like there's these parts of myself that I don't understand yet.
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And the more that I can learn about them is the more that I can guide myself.
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And so that's where I became obsessed with the word self-mastery.
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Because I was like, I want everybody
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To have self mastery for themselves so that they can feel this connection with
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themselves.
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Yes, and I love the whole self-mastery piece and that you want that
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for others in whatever way it is right for them.
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And keeping in mind we don't always even know what that is until we start
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on that road of self-discovery.
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And then it's like, these are the pieces of self-mastery that really
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Yeah.
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we've been longing for.
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Mm. Yeah. And I do think one thing that's interesting too is
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For me, self-discovery, I think before it used to be a little bit more scary
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to think about because it's like,
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whoa, okay, like what's gonna come out?
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And then I think tapping into life coaching and more of this,
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I described it more of like an expansion because I'm like,
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whoa, okay, what else can I learn about myself and what else can I add to my life?
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What else can I impact?
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How can I make it better? More experiences.
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Okay, I love that. And I love this expansion piece and what more can
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you learn about yourself? So you've had friends throughout your life,
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you've had a bazillion jobs, you've gone to school,
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and so I am so curious how learning more about yourself
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has impacted how you serve others.
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So I think learning more about myself,
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the biggest piece that impacted was the limiting beliefs.
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So identifying those limiting beliefs that I had.
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And there's this quote that will come up when the when a limiting belief is present,
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and that is I am powerless because of my beliefs and my beliefs
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are changeable because then that puts that back in my power.
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Mm.
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To then choose which belief do I want to go with.
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And being able to have that and experience that for myself,
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it gave me an empowerment to be able to connect with others in a different way.
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Because I had always been more of safety,
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so it was more of my relationships are at an arm's length away.
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And that was more of just like yeah,
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security, safety. And
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~
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when I was able to learn that for myself,
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I was also able to connect with the word confidence,
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how Brendan says, confidence, you have the ability to figure things out.
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And so it opened up me to be able to have new experiences with other people
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and let them in, share with them.
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I was scared very uncomfortable.
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And what I learned in this process was the more that I shared with people
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and sat through that discomfort,
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I was seeing those connections.
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And then those people were also thanking me for sharing.
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and sharing their own stories with me.
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And so I would start to get some messages,
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hey, I did this, or hey, I r remembered about our phone call and I was able
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to talk to this person about this.
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And so then I was starting to see the ripple effect of it.
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And I was like, whoa, like this is incredible.
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Like I did not think that it was going to be able to ripple in that way.
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Right.
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It is shocking, isn't it? I think
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Mm-hmm.
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it's such a beautiful thing, really and truly.
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yes, and you were talking about
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Getting to know yourself and then feeling more comfortable sharing.
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I don't I think for me along the journey
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of self-discovery and self-mastery,
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which I don't I don't know I don't know.
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Are we ever really com finished with self-mastery?
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I hope not, because I want to continue to learn and expand exactly what you said,
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No, no.
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the expansion piece.
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Also, I think for me is when I think about it.
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The more that I learned about myself and that I continue to learn about myself,
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it has become easier, which is so weird,
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but it's become easier to share and to talk with others and lean in.
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And I guess it's because I have a better understanding of who I am and what
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I stand for. Now I mean we've all got opinions and we all
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probably know what our values are and everything,
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but really taking a stand on these are the three or the five things that matter most
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to me. And holding true to that.
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That it doesn't matter. Even if I lean in and it's not how I had hoped
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or things don't go as planned or whatever,
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I still have my truth that I know,
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like I know my truth now more than ever in my life.
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And so I think that's one of the things that's made it easier and
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I'm so grateful for the opportunity to learn about myself in this whole personal
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development journey thing.
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Yeah, so for first
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I love it.
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then go ahead.
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I love that and I can relate to that as well.
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Because the more that you learn about yourself,
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I see it as a way also that you're giving yourself the opportunity
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to replace those negative experiences that come up when fear comes up.
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Yes. Yeah. And having more proof,
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like real proof that we can, whatever it is.
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Figure it out. We can think differently.
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We can change how we feel simply by changing a thought.
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Like what? Yes. So
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Yeah.
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beautiful. I want to go back for a minute,
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Yeah.
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talking about limiting beliefs.
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And I mean, yes, it makes sense.
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And I also think that.
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People don't always realize that they even have limiting beliefs.
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And so I'd love it if you'd share some examples,
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whether they're yours or people that you've worked with.
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What are some examples of limiting beliefs?
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So examples of limiting beliefs could be and a big one is I am not enough.
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Yeah.
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I am not ready. I am not a person that does that.
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We are not a person that does that.
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I don't have what it takes to do that.
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Any belief that is keeping you in a space where small and quiet
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is that safety. That's telling you you can't do this.
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So good. So good. And ~ I I'd absolutely agree.
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One that I hear a lot is I'm not enough.
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Even if they don't use those exact three words,
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that is the underlying message that I'm hearing.
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so how do you counter it? If when you're working with a person
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and you're hearing these negative beliefs or the limiting beliefs,
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maybe they're not even negative,
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and they're limiting.
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Mm-hmm.
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counter that with a person or how do you counter it for yourself?
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So one helpful way that I've helped clients counter it when they're saying
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I'm not enough or I'm not ready yet,
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one with a ready is do you ever feel ready?
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With that feeling. Yeah.
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We do a lot of things not feeling ready.
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Yes. And if you feel
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a hundred percent ready, you're playing small.
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Yeah.
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I mean, really, truly. Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Okay. So love that. Are you really ever ready?
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Yes. Wonderful.
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And one part with clients that I like to ask them about is times where they have
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accomplished something, times
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Yeah.
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where they have put something together,
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because then from there it's identifying the skills that they already
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have and how those skills can play a part in what they're looking forward to doing.
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So the more that they can visualize,
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~ yeah, this skill can work and this is how I would put it into play,
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they start to see more of that possibility and gain more of that confidence.
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I love it. So again, it's that proof,
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like really identifying
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Well.
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proof. And people have heard me say this all the time.
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We did not know how to walk until we fell down a lot.
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A lot, a lot.
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Mm-hmm.
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Yeah.
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If anybody ever meets somebody that they walked on their very first try,
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please
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Yeah.
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let me know their name. I want to talk to them.
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I want to interview them and see how they did it.
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Yeah.
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But I mean, like we don't.
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We didn't do things right. We didn't even add one plus one correctly
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the first time we ever tried. Come on.
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Yeah.
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So
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and yet we figured it out. We figured out how to walk or we figured out
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how to spell our name. We figured out
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Yeah, I think.
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so many things that we don't give credit for.
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And having
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Yeah.
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those pieces of proof, they're huge,
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huge, huge.
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Yeah. And I think it's interesting that you bring that up because
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in the process of coaching as well,
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you learn to let go of perfectionism.
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And before this, it's like perfectionism,
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like that is your safety, those are your guidelines,
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like and if you were to tell me like you're going to not like I never thought
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I would say I don't want to live a perfect life like that seems boring.
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So I wonder, because you're
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so right about letting go of perfectionism.
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And I do wonder if ~ like I'm now I'm like,
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does perfectionism fall under limiting belief?
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And yeah, I think so. I've not thought about it before.
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Like here in real time, I'm like,
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yes. Cause every part of my life where I try to be perfect,
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I play small.
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Yeah, keep it safe. Safe keeps things perfect.
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And you're right, boring
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Mm-hmm.
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and my favorite, gross.
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Yeah.
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Wow.
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Yeah. And it's interesting because like a life building that
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was building I didn't want the challenges.
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I didn't want anything that wasn't perfect.
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The life that I'm building and that I want is challenges.
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Because that's where that growth comes from.
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And I think that's one of the powerful mindset shifts that happen is what
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you gain from these challenges.
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If you want growth, get ready because it's
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Yeah.
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gonna come through challenges.
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You aren't going to stretch.
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Thank you.
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Yeah, so good. So good.
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Okay, another thing that popped up that I'm so curious about.
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So I know you've got self-mastery.
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you talked about, and of course you can say Kimberly,
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that is not a topic for today.
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~
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Mm-hmm.
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you talked about the chaos and growing up.
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I don't,
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Mm-hmm.
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I mean, I'm not gonna say our chaos was similar.
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I too had chaos growing up.
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And I'm curious if there was an inspiration for you.
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So like think back at elementary school,
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middle school, high school, whatever.
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Like an inspiration, or maybe it wasn't even an inspiration,
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maybe it was a person that you thought believed in you.
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Even when you didn't believe in yourself.
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Did you have someone like that?
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So I did have and right now that you were asking me that question,
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it made me think, so I had these movies that I would watch
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and they're like adventure movies.
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Some of ~ like at that time there was a Backyard against and there
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was also this movie, I think it's Nam's Island.
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And so I would get lost within those and I'd have my own imaginary adventures
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in the backyard. Like I traveled well when
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Okay.
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I was low. And
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my gosh,
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and you travel now.
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Yeah.
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Have you ever put that together before?
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Not until right now that we're talking about it.
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Beautiful. Okay, so you've got these shows,
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you'd watch it, you get lost, you had your imaginary you took many trips
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in the backyard.
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Yeah, and I think it was the feelings of that adventure of them going out,
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figuring things out, and in those there would be like there would
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be conflicts that would come out and they would ~ they would always end up
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in a good spot. And I do think getting lost within that and then creating
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my own, that was something that was pushing me forward.
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that is amazing.
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Ha ha ha.
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I love it. So now I want to look up Nim's Island and who wrote that?
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Like where did this come from?
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Yeah.
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Do
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they realize the impact? You're
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Yeah.
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a world traveler now too. What?
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Yeah.
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~ my gosh.
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That's amazing. Huh.
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And then I will say inspiration that did definitely shift limiting beliefs
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for me was my freshman English teacher,
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so Mrs. Thomas. And I was in her English class that year,
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and she tells me, Hey, I really think you could do Honors English.
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And I'm like, Me, Honors English?
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Yeah.
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No way. I I can't do that. Like
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Hmm, we don't do honors classes.
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Like I don't know anybody that has done the
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honor classes.
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my gosh. Listen to that. Like we,
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as if your
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whole, all your ancestors, we don't do honors.
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So I was kind of like, okay, this is crazy.
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And so she's talking to me through it and like trying to convince me.
25:49
And then she goes, Well, if you do honors,
25:52
I will have you your ~ senior year.
25:55
And that really is the reason I I was like,
25:58
Okay, I want you my senior year,
26:00
so I'm gonna do it. And so I enrolled into honors.
26:04
And I got good cla good grades and honors,
26:07
so I was like, whoa. And it wouldn't have been something that I would have done
26:13
without without her encouragement there.
26:17
Yeah, I love that she gave that to you and that little ~
26:21
the influential piece of if you do it,
26:24
you'll have me your senior year.
26:26
I love that. and it sounds like she's a person who believed in
26:29
you and your abilities when you had never even considered it 'cause nobody
26:34
had ever role modeled that for you.
26:36
And when I think
26:36
Mm-hmm.
26:37
about role modeling for others and I think about you and I know you've
26:40
got siblings and you have a bunch of nieces and nephews that definitely look
26:44
up to you.
26:47
And I think about the now I'm gonna think about this story even more
26:50
and because I'm sure you're one that believes in them more than sometimes they
26:55
Mm-hmm.
26:55
believe in themselves.
26:57
Yeah.
26:59
So even with that and because you've been close to all your nieces and nephews,
27:03
and now through this self mastery journey that you are on,
27:08
has that changed those relationships at all?
27:11
I think so because I think about their futures and I think about one things that
27:17
I didn't know going through, like being the first one to go to
27:22
a university and deal with the FASFA and all of that.
27:26
And I
27:27
Mm.
27:27
even think about lessons that I've learned in life and adulthood and I'm like,
27:31
Okay, I want to be that person for you.
27:35
I want to be that person that you could come ask questions to.
27:39
Like there is no dumb
27:40
question
27:41
Right.
27:42
and so that you don't have to fall any kind of butts or anything like that,
27:48
be more educated about things that they don't teach us.
27:53
Mm-hmm. It's so good. So even with the chaos,
27:57
it sounds like you had role models in your childhood that showed
28:00
you like working hard is important.
28:03
And that
28:03
Mm-hmm.
28:04
going to school, keeping yourself busy,
28:07
escaping the chaos, having your own adventures and travel in the backyard.
28:13
Stop it. ~ And
28:15
Yeah.
28:16
then you're a high school freshman English teacher who believed in you and
28:22
You did honors and you did it and got the good grades.
28:26
Of course you did. Now
28:28
Yeah.
28:29
releasing all per all perfectionism?
28:32
No, that'd be boring too. But most
28:33
Yeah.
28:35
but most perfectionism.
28:36
Yeah.
28:37
So good. So good.
28:40
Yeah.
28:41
What I thought I wanted is not even close to the life that I strive for now.
28:46
It's more emotionally connected.
28:51
So beautiful. So what's a question we want our audience to be thinking about
28:57
for themselves?
28:58
How do you want your life to feel like within your
29:05
relationships, your aspirations,
29:08
your day-to-day life?
29:11
What do you want that to feel like?
29:13
And one thing I do always bring up when I ask anything about feel,
29:19
go look at I always look up the color emotion wheel
29:24
Mm.
29:26
because a lot of the times you think about I want it to feel happy,
29:30
I want it to feel joyful, and sometimes there's words on there.
29:36
that make that feeling even stronger.
29:39
That's such a good point. Okay,
29:41
so the c you can just Google color emotion wheel or feelings wheel and it'll pop up.
29:46
That is such a good point.
29:47
Mm.
29:48
Yes. That's the other thing. We're not taught a whole bunch of feeling words when
29:52
we're little. So we're
29:53
Yeah.
29:53
s with happy, sad, and mad. ~
29:56
Mm-hmm.
29:57
yeah, so good. I love it. All right,
29:59
so the question you want people to think about is asking in advance,
30:03
how do I want to feel in these particular areas of my life?
30:08
or when I accomplish the goal.
30:11
So beautiful. Thank you,
30:15
Guadalupe. I'm so glad you came on today.
30:17
I appreciate you being here and sharing all your wisdom.
30:21
Holy moly. I'm gonna go look up Mim's Island.
30:25
I may have to be watching that this weekend.
30:28
yes. my gosh. And y'all. Yup.
30:29
Anyway, I actually did get
30:31
a bearded dragon. Yeah.
30:34
You did?
30:36
So there's there's a bearded dragon in that movie and I actually did
30:41
get a bearded dragon when I was little.
30:42
Amazing. Amazing. And y'all heard it like I did.
30:46
there's a book coming. I heard her.
30:48
Mm-hmm.
30:49
I heard her say it.
30:50
And I am here for it. All right,
30:52
everyone. Thank you so much for joining Candid Coach Conversations.
30:56
Again, Guadalupe, thank you so much for being here.
30:59
You can register for a clarity call with Guadalupe.
31:04
Go to LLfoley.com
31:07
Select Guadalupe, click Clarity Call,
31:10
and it'll take you right to her schedule.
31:12
You can get started, take a deeper dive,
31:14
and it's completely free. Alright everyone.
31:17
Until next time, remember to live life fully and enjoy every moment.