Latest / Aging Parent TrapX / COULD A GRANNY NANNY HELP YOUR AGING PARENT (AND YOU)?
Transcript
- Nikki Elite Prep Services: it's not like you need like a nurse or a CNA to come in here to do those things. It's more like just supervision or staying with a loved one while you go run errands or you're out of town and you just want to give somebody in the house a break and you just want to make sure that they're not alone. Allison Newlon: If you are starting to parent your aging parent, you are in the right place. Welcome to the Aging Parent Trap X podcast and YouTube channel. I am Alison Newland, the broker owner of Platinum Properties of Florida in the greater Tampa area, and I am here with my friends. And colleagues, Julie Cook with Generational Transitions and Nikki Flynn with Elite Preparation Services. And we talk about helping our aging parents navigate their senior years here. And today we're talking about granny nannies, not the kind of granny nannies where grannies are being nannies to our kids. I'm well past that part. but when our aging Parents need care and they're not quite ready to and I wouldn't say care, but I said care, but I mean really supervision company. If they're living alone or living in your household and you're the primary caretaker, and you need help, but not really necessarily skilled nursing or nursing care at all, you just need to be able to live your regular. life, but you can't leave the house if they're there alone. And so that's what we're talking about today. Granny nannies. And I'm gonna go ahead and flip it back over to Julie or Nikki. You guys jump in and tell me what you think about this whole granny nanny thing. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: So I think this is a great thing. Granny Nanny is actually a company that and the term describes it. It's fabulous. but there are many, and they're often listed under senior companion services. So different from home health, these are non-medical services. So things like meal prep. Lighthousekeeping and laundry, companionship, which a lot of times people don't think about. Your aging parent may be able to take care of themselves, but they would love to have someone to play cards with or someone to just sit there and watch TV with them, something to look forward to a couple of afternoons a week. going to appointments. If you can't get to an appointment with them, it's always good to have an extra pair of eyes and ears at an appointment. So things like this that are provided, non medical things that they can come and provide. It also provides relief for caregivers if you are the primary caregiver, which I know Nikki can speak a lot to. And sometimes you just need a break. This is where a service like granny nanny, home instead. I don't even want to start naming names because I'll miss somebody, but it's listed as senior companion services, and they can be a big help to aging parents who are still at home. Nikki Elite Prep Services: it's a huge help to have that because not that they're not qualified or they should not be paid for their services, but when you start looking at the licensing, like the CNAs, so certified nursing assistant, or the actual nurses, the RNs, the registered nurses, or the nurse practitioners, like they went to school, they have degrees and certificates, they are a little bit more costly, but sometimes not needed. So it helps to have somebody who is experienced to understand who is a little bit more affordable to meet the needs of what's actually needing to be done inside of the home. Allison Newlon: Right. So it's kind of like I I hate to say it 'cause it sounds demeaning Nikki Elite Prep Services: Mm-hmm. Allison Newlon: a little bit, but it's like a babysitting service for your aging parent. You know? So they're I mean Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: It is. And they can Yeah. And they can do things like Nikki mentioned the CNA. So they cannot dispense medication because they're not a medical, not necessarily a medical professional, but they can do medication reminders, things like that. It's Allison Newlon: Hmm. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: time to take your medication. I'm going to set it out for you. I think I may have mentioned meal preparation, things like that. If especially if you have you know, in my case, when my mom passed, my dad, bless his heart, lived on hamburger helper forever because he didn't know how to cook. And that's, you know, that's what he knew how to do. So just things like that, in addition to that companionship level. And with pricing, so a couple of ways that you can do this. Private individuals will offer this service. I looked up in the area where I live in Pinellas County, it runs, and I hate to throw out numbers because it's Dangerous, but twenty to forty dollars per hour. And often there's a minimum of like three to four hours at a time for a private individual. If you go through an agency, that number goes up, but then you're also factoring in background checks, insurance, supervision, things like that, which are all important things to ask about when you're looking for those services. What happens if things go wrong? If they get If if they are going to go with them to an appointment, who's driving? Are we hiring an Uber? Is the companion driving? Are they driving the aging parents car? So lots of things to consider, you know, with that that you'd want want to look into, but still a fabulous service for mom and dad. Allison Newlon: Yeah, and Julie, I have to say, many for many years when I was a young mom, we used a lot of h hungry hamburger helper. And it was Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: yeah. Yeah, yeah. Allison Newlon: and everybody survived, but it was not the greatest Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: It works. It works. Allison Newlon: it it worked for the tobacco. Then I learned how to cook. but you know, it I think if you are Especially like in in Nikki's case, where she where her mom is a and stepfather are living inside the home with her. it you know, we've we've told her, you know, we've even said, Hey, are you getting out and doing things? Are you going out and doing things? And sh you know, encouraging her to do stuff, but you know, there's a little bit of concern Nikki Elite Prep Services: Mm-mm. Allison Newlon: that, you know, well, are they gonna be okay? Not so much your stepdad, but your mom. are they gonna be okay when we're gone during that time. And so that I mean twenty dollars is really priceless per hour for peace of mind to know that there is somebody that is more able-bodied at the property that can you know call call 911 if 911 have to be called or just you know that's the worst case scenario obviously but to you know just be there with them they're not alone help them you know, make sure that they get to the rest. I know like I don't know exactly what they can and cannot do. I guess like if you're hiring a private individual, technically they're not allowed to give like medical care, but is going to the bathroom helping them go to the bathroom medical care? I don't think so. But then what if something happens and they get hurt helping your parent? I mean, yeah, there's a lot of things to think about. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: And those are all really important questions Nikki Elite Prep Services: Yeah, anything. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: to ask. I'm sorry, Nikki, go ahead. Nikki Elite Prep Services: Yeah, that's well, exactly. I was just going to mention that as well. It's important to ask because I know it's, you know, assisting with the ADLs going to the bathroom is one of the daily livings that they most likely would want a CNA for. So they might have restrictions for that. So it is always good to check to see what their parameters are for, you know, clarification. So that way, you know, firsthand, but. Yesterday. Yeah, it was yesterday. Dad came home, decided to make himself something to eat and I was in the kitchen and he was talking to me and made fried cheese sandwich. I don't even know. And took the cheese off, put it on the bread, sat back down and I was like, looked at the stove. was like, excuse me, sir. You left the stove on. Allison Newlon: shoot. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Mm-hmm. Nikki Elite Prep Services: He's like, you distracted me. No, no, no, no, no, no. We're not playing this game. No, no, no. So, Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Yeah. Allison Newlon: That's scary. Nikki Elite Prep Services: yeah, so I, right then and there, I was like, okay, things are going to be happening sooner than I thought. And he mentioned, just think, you get to go through this a third time. I was like, no. I'm tapped out. He's like, so Allison Newlon: That's Nikki Elite Prep Services: you're gonna put me in a home? I was like, no, I'm just gonna know how to arrange the care quicker to prevent from losing my sanity, faster. Allison Newlon: Right, and the and you know what and and that's a huge thing. When we're with your just normal life, but then add it on the stress of caring for our aging parents or just worrying about our aging parents and we don't even have to be the primary caregiver. There's a mental health element to this whole thing because you know, there's the guilt, right, that we feel Nikki Elite Prep Services: Mm-hmm. Allison Newlon: for if we're not the ones caring for them and they're they're in a a a home, I I say home and that's kind of mm, ancient Wording, I guess it's more assisted living facility, independent living facility, but they're not at the home that they owned for years and years and years. Now they're in a facility, and there's a certain amount of guilt to that. But then there's a certain amount of guilt to when they live in your home and you're aggravated, and you want to go and you want to live your regular life, you still have a job, you still have to make an income, you still have to pay your mortgage, pay your insurance, you still you know are looking good and want to get. your hair done and your nails done. You want to go out with your friends. You want to go play pickleball, whatever it is that you know floats your boat. And you feel guilty for doing those things. But then if you don't do those things, your mental health will suffer because you're all consumed with with you know, caring for somebody else, but you can't care for somebody else if you're not caring for yourself. So you have to drop the guilt and know that it's okay to get help. And I Nikki is in a unique situation because you don't have family around to help you. You and your husband are the only ones that are around doing it. I am I'm an only child of my parents. I have half siblings, but they don't have a relationship with my, you know, my mother, and they don't live close by. There's no help you know, for me either to I got a phone call today from my mom. they're taking me to the hospital, by the way, because her blood pressure was really spiking. So and I said, Okay, well I've got an appointment this afternoon. you know, let's stay in touch and I'll get done with my My stuff, and then if you know I have to come to the hospital, I will do that later. But there was nobody else to call, right? So we have guilt. but you have to hire these outside services and let those things kind of transpire. because you can't, as one person, always be there. And even if there are multiple people, it's okay to hire help if you can afford it. So let's talk about that. Consistency, cost, and coverage. I mean, is this an entirely out-of-pocket expense or would long-term care insurance cover any of this type of expense? Or you know, and who do we know if we're getting this how do we know if we're getting the same person each time? Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Definitely a case by case basis. Nikki Elite Prep Services: Yeah, that would be a huge thing. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Yeah. Check with and and you'll want to check with your insurance because it's not home health, it's companion care. So it's different. So I would say most of the time, probably not. But if finances are a concern, there are nonprofit organizations that help with this. and again, in where I live in Pendellas County, there is They will reach out to seniors sometimes over the phone initially, which we would think a phone call, no big deal, but to a senior who's by themselves, that phone call is a big factor. and then that can go into in-person visits. So that's another option too, is looking to nonprofit organizations that could help. Nikki Elite Prep Services: Yeah, I know that I was actually just talking with one of my managers today and we were talking about the need for the long-term care and how important it is. And she knows my situation and stuff and she's like, well, if anybody knows, it's you. So you're the one that can beat that drum right now to really voice it. And it's extremely important. So when you have certain policies like a life insurance policy, you can use your benefits and then it's a long-term care writer that goes to it so it can pay for stuff like this. So it all depends on the type of policies that you have and what is available to you. So it is definitely worth looking into but I can say for all the people who are our age, the Generation X or maybe even the older Millennials, like get your stuff together. This is a wake-up call. And I used to think like why would somebody need to have care or how can you think that way about your own parent when sometimes people are just so stressed out and they're just like, like sometimes I wish they would just pass and you feel so guilty and horrible, but it's like you just have gotten to your wits end and we all have been there, not even taking care of somebody. We have all been to that point where we just want to break down and cry, whether it's taking care of your own child. taking care of a family member or just being extremely stressed out in life. When you get to that breaking point, then what? Now you're responsible for not only your children but also your parents now and you're doing double duty or you're taking care of your family and then your parents on top of it. Like it's a lot and we were not prepared for this. This is the sandwich generation which they all love to call us but there was no prep, there was no lead up letting us know like hey this is what what's about to come. So we've all just been kind of thrusted into this situation without any experience or knowledge. So it's not, it's not a bad thing to ask for help. It's not a bad thing that you have bad thoughts because you're so stressed out. We're here trying to explain and help you understand that we're going through it too. And it's okay to ask for help. You're for your mental health. You will need it. You need it. You need a plan. You need to be proactive with this because When your knee deep in the trenches, it's almost too late at that point. Allison Newlon: Yeah, it is. And you know, I was reading something about like signs that it's time to stop being the primary caregiver yourself when when you're not trained for that is and you kind of touched on severe exhaustion, physical fatigue, sleep loss, worsening health conditions, emotional distress, frequent anger. I know I get that. Deep resentment, guilty, irritability, well, hello, like Whoops, or feeling trapped by daily duties, which you know is why we're talking about granny nannies. neglecting your own life, which we already touched on, you know, missing work, losing touch with friends. Remember having good old conversations with friends every other day, or maybe meeting with them on the weekend for a lunch or something like that, or giving up your hobbies that you had that you enjoyed that gave you joy. So you know, and you don't want to be the unsafe caregiver. Either you know if you don't it gets to a point when it might be too much if you're doing it in your home, but any of those things can be true that I mentioned, even if your parent is not in your home. And so you know, and Nikki, you raised a really good point about the older millennials. Okay, so there's this rule. I don't know if you guys have heard about it, it's the 40-70 rule. Have you guys heard about that? Okay. Ha ha. well let me get a drum roll here, please. Let me get the drum roll. Okay. All right, we have new sound sound effects today. Sorry, it's just a new feature on this on this control panel. So I was excited that I got one in. the 40-70 rule is that by the time you reach the age of 40, then your parent is probably getting close to 70, and you need to start having serious conversations about things like their wills, their their paperwork, their wishes, you know, where do they want to go? what's going to happen to the house? Who do they expect to take care of them? I mean, all of those things that we've been talking about for the 23 episodes that we have done up until this point, you have to have these conversations and don't wait until you're in your 50s and your mom is in their 80s, like in my situation. I mean, she had some planning in place a little bit, at least she had some documents in place, but still, you know, you're not too young to have those conversations and I think if you have them earlier you can have them over the course of a little bit of time and they can be less stressful. yeah what's your plan about driving a car mom are you do you thinking you're gonna drive and well into Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Julie Cody. Allison Newlon: your 90s you know like what's gonna happen so having those conversations and so that's the 4070 rule. I did not really you know, know about that very much until very recently. And I think it's a great idea. Nikki Elite Prep Services: Yeah, definitely. I mean, and then as we look at it, you just think about 70, even in your 40s now with the way that health issues are hitting us, tomorrow is not promised. So it's better Allison Newlon: No Nikki Elite Prep Services: to have a game plan ahead of time. So that way you have things in place and you know, and it's less stressful in the family. Allison Newlon: Yeah, and you know what? So many people, like I had my kids, like I was 24 when I had my first child, right? But now some people are having kids like their first child in their forties. I mean they Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Mercy. Allison Newlon: I mean, what I mean, you know, that it's you know sorry, but to say because but you know, you better have all this stuff already taken care of because they're still gonna be like in second grade when you know when they need to start taking care of you. I d I'm making a joke, but I mean the the next generation is gonna have it even more, I think, you know, at a much younger age, I guess is the point. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Nikki Elite Prep Services: Yeah. Yeah. Allison Newlon: is the point. Julie Cook, Generational Transitions: I think what I feel like we say this every podcast, but having conversations like this early, even when we're talking about companion care, setting the stage for it early. If mom and dad are alone or maybe mom and dad are are, you know, still in the house together, but you're not able to check on them as much, it's great for just a wellness check. Are they eating well? Is the house being taken care of? Are there maintenance concerns? And so if you bridge the gap of, hey, I'd like to have somebody come by just to play cards with you, do some meal prep once a week. You're just kind of starting to set the stage. It's a real soft, easy conversation, but it kind of helps lead in to other conversations that might need to be had down the road. Allison Newlon: Yeah. I think that's a great point, Julie. And as a reminder, Julie, she is our resident person that we you would want to contact if you are looking for senior living facility options. She can help you find memory care, assistant living, independent care in the greater Tampa Bay area. And Nikki, she is our document preparation person. She is specialized in helping people prepare. prepare wills and trust and documents like that and then I am your real estate contact so if mom and dad had a home that they had to move out of when they were finding a place with Julie to live in and they don't know what to do with the house that's where I come in to help. So we are here to help you. Let us know what you're going through. Leave a comment down below. Thanks for watching.